Women-Experience Blog
What if I Mess Up?
Losing in an Olympic event would be feel disappointing, to say the least. Losing due to a technicality, when you had the best time and were expected to win, would be even harder. Losing a gold medal because of a coach’s mistake? Devastating.
That was exactly what Netherlands speed skater Sven Kramer faced at the 2010 Winter Olympics. As Kramer skated in the 10,000m competition, his coach, Gerard Kemkers, mistakenly waved him toward the inside track instead of the outside track where the skater had been heading. The coach’s error led to Kramer being disqualified from the race, even though based on his time he placed first and would’ve won the gold medal.
People wondered whether Kramer would be able to forgive his coach. Kramer himself probably wondered if he would be able to forgive. And even if he could, would the rest of his country be able to forgive this public blunder of epic proportions? The chief sports editor for the Dutch newspaper The Telegraph commented that “This is a historic mistake. I think in Holland, over 50 years, we will still remember this mistake.” (Source: NPR)
We have all made mistakes in our own lives. While ours were not likely scrutinized by the world as Kemkers’ was, many of them seem just as meaningful to us, especially moral choices. From lapses in judgment to ignoring our own ethical standards in the misguided pursuit of some goal, the effects of a seemingly simple moral choice can end up haunting us for years.
The result is that many people are saddled with guilt. The proper way to deal with guilt is not denial; but how can we continue to have self-confidence in ourselves despite our mistakes and moral failures?
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9
If you feel like you’ve really messed up, you may appreciate the apostle Peter’s situation. He claimed he would follow Jesus even to death, but eventually Peter abandoned Jesus when he denied him three times. If guilt is heavy on your heart today, read a short devotional about Peter and God’s forgiveness. The truth is that God forgave Peter, and entrusted him with great responsibility even after his very public failure.
If you have non-Christian friends who are struggling with guilt, you might want to point them to this article written for non-Christians which describes how Peter’s guilt and anxiety were assuaged.
Struggling with issues of guilt and anxiety, and need someone to talk with? Please contact us to talk today. You will be matched up (confidentially) with someone familiar with your struggles who will reply privately to you via email.
And the Oscar goes to…
This Sunday millions will watch as the Oscars are handed out for the eighty-second time. I will probably watch, although I find the choice of hosting duo Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin a dubious one. Couldn’t they let Steve handle it alone? I miss Billy Crystal and his musical monologue.
An article in the New York Times suggested that Oscar is due for another change. Author Kim Elsesser asks why, after all this time men and women are not allowed to compete against each other for the Best Actor Oscar? We’ve done away with the term “actress” for the most part but on Oscar night, the divide remains.
She writes:
Since the first Academy Awards ceremony in 1929, separate acting Oscars have been presented to men and women. Women at that time had only recently won the right to vote and were still several decades away from equal rights outside the voting booth, so perhaps it was reasonable to offer them their own acting awards. But in the 21st century women contend with men for titles ranging from the American president to the American Idol. Clearly, there is no reason to still segregate acting Oscars by sex.
It’s certainly an interesting idea, but what struck me most about her comment was that I had genuinely never thought about it before. I did not even notice that the Oscars were gender-split. I wonder if that’s a good sign or a bad one? You don’t have to look far beyond our own borders to see that women in North America have it pretty good. Yes, there are still places where things are unfair. But in North America no one is altering our bodies without our consent, or forcing us into unwanted marriages or telling us we can’t leave the house.
It’s interesting to think that in the midst of so much positive change, there are still splits that have stood for so long we don’t even see them. The Best Director category is not gender-specific, nor are any of the technical Oscars, where admittedly there are more men than women in the field. What are the messages hiding behind our attempts to be inclusive? Elsesser goes on to say that “separate is not equal” which is true, but equal is not always fair. So here’s one more question for your Oscar ballot: do you think the Oscars should be gender-blind?
How do you define yourself? Try our interactive Life Lesson What’s in Your Bag? for an intriguing look at the way we tell our own stories.
Image courtesy of Jeroen Miedema . Used with permission. You can see more of Jeron’s photos on Flickr.
Breaking Bad Habits
Do you have a bad habit? I know that I have a few – ask people that know me and they’ll confirm that sad fact. So it’s okay to admit it, at least to yourself.
Some bad habits include (but are not limited to) gossiping, smoking, overeating, drinking too much, overspending, and laziness. There’s plenty of other more subtle ones too, like grinding your teeth or being overly sarcastic. And if you’re a student, you may have a whole new set of bad habits to break, like skipping classes, not studying enough, or even cheating on assignments or tests.
Breaking out of these bad habits by our own power simply won’t work. God must be our source for every positive life change we hope to make. Since we follow a great and powerful God who desires to make us new, we shouldn’t lose hope in what He can do in us. Paul tells his readers in Rome near the end of his letter “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” (Romans 15:13)
It is in that mindset which I hope you will read “Making Room for the New“. It will encourage you to “be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.” (Ephesians 4:23-24)
If you have a bad habit you’ve tried to overcome but just can’t, maybe the encouragement of someone else could help you finally conquer it? Consider contacting an online mentor today who will walk beside you as you learn to trust in God to break your bad habits!
Upcoming online chats: Join us for daily online chats! One of our features will be “Resting and Trusting” on March 9 at 10:30 am EST. Please join us to discuss how to rest and trust!
Making Room for the New
If you are like me, you probably struggle with breaking yourself of bad habits. I struggle with it often. In fact, quite often not only do I struggle, I fail completely. But failure does not paralyze me or keep me from moving ahead. I know that God has created me for more.
God has plans for my destiny, plans to utilize me in ways I don’t expect. Author Erwin McManus speaks about this in his book Soul Cravings, saying “ We are designed with a need to move forward. Without it our lives become only shadows of what they could have been” (see Erwin speak more about our longing for Destiny) Wallowing in these bad habits is not an option. Moving past them and expecting to be used by God is.
Moving past the negative
God has equipped me to move ahead and to rid of the old. In fact, He not only equipped me to do so, He expects me to. When I start my day, I need to give myself entirely over to God. Giving up the old makes room for the new. The scripture speaks to us plainly on this topic:
Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness. For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace. (Romans 6:12-14, NIV)
We are not slaves to old negative habits. We are able to create positive and changes in our lives through the strength of the Lord helping us along our daily walk.
I believe that God gives us clear direction on this matter. Through prayer and our willful actions we can go to Him to help us change our lives, to rid ourselves of the old and make way for the new. That being said, I also believe that God gave us the intelligence to be able to constructively look at our habits and make changes in practical ways.
Feeling stuck
The realization that you are stuck in a negative pattern in an area of your life may not be an easy one. You might not notice it on your own. It may take a long time to accept it. But when you do, there is a desire to right these wrongs. We as humans all have a fundamental craving to be good people. We want to make the effort to change the negative when we see it, to right the wrongs.
When I become aware that I have been acting in a poor manner and have fallen into bad habits I stop and take stock. It is the most beneficial thing that you can do for yourself to move forward. There are some questions to ask so that you can assess where you are in the process:
- In what situations do you see yourself participating in the bad habit?
- Is it possibly a habitual thing you don’t think about or notice you are doing?
- Is it something that happens in social situations?
- Is it stress related?
- How often does it happen?
- Are there certain environmental factors that lead to it happening or trigger it?
Taking stock
Take some time to stop and reflect on when you most notice your negative habits appearing. After every occurrence, note what happened before you found yourself in that place. What were you thinking and feeling before, during and especially after it happened? Realizing and validating how you felt afterwards can be a great motivator. Getting rid of the old habits will rest on being able to pin exactly what it is that brings about the negative actions time and time again.
Now you should be able to accurately note if there is a reason that you see yourself continually engaging in the behavior. Is this a negative and harming personality trait? Is there a positive feeing or thought associated with it somehow? What function does this action really have? To deflect? To make yourself feel confident and prevent unease in a hard or stressful situation?
Why you do what you do
Once you have come to realize exactly what the old habit is, and WHY you continue to do it, you can focus on bringing personal relief to the situation. Do you need to work on self-confidence, being in groups, stress, handling criticism? Do you lack guidance, are you struggling with your relationship with God? There are many reasons that you may have begun to slip into this negative behavior. I know that almost every time I have caught myself engaging in a negative behavior pattern, it has been a symptom of a far greater problem. The diagnosis has been different for me nearly every time. But the desire to face the problems head on and move past it has been a constant.
Refusing to be held in a pattern
After you have acknowledged the reasons and feeling behind the behavior, you need to move onto the next step. Changing the habit. What are alternative and healthier reactions that you can pursue the next time you feel yourself slipping? How can you change your ways of thinking and viewing the subject that will allow you to prosper instead on fall into a negative pattern? Try to think of positive and healthy ways
When you notice yourself slipping into the old ways, simply stop. Take a breather. Count in your head, take a deep breath and reassess the situation. Why are you reacting like this? What exactly is it that you are feeling that is propelling you into this action? What are some ways that you can level out again and bring this negative old behavior into the new, positive pattern?
Do a 180. I would again suggest that after, you even write down what initially triggered you, and how you began to react. Assessment of these moments will help you to avoid them in the future, and to start of reacting in a positive manner. The scriptures speak to this. “And have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator” (Colossians 3:10 NIV)
Moving forward
Now you are moving in the right direction…forward. Keep the momentum going. Be patient with yourself, and set up a system to address when you are slipping behind. Have a point person. Having someone that you feel comfortable discussing these situations with will soon show to be greatly beneficial.
I am by no means saying that will be an easy thing to open up to someone, but it helps to be accountable to another person and have them be accountable to you. As brothers and sister in Christ, we are not only accountable to the Lord — “So then each of us shall give account of himself to God.” (Romans 14:12) — but to one another as well. “Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:1-2).
On an simpler level, it is healthy and good for humans to share our thoughts and emotions, feelings and struggles with another who is not there to judge, but to offer understanding and support. Just remember that if they do call you out on something, that they are doing it with good intentions, and that you have asked them to do that.
Patience is a virtue
Be patient. Nothing is fixed in mere moments. Be prepared to commit as much time and effort as necessary to make yourself healthy mentally and emotionally. Getting rid of the old to allow room for the new in your life is not going to be an easy process. You WILL slip into your old behaviors from time to time. What does matter though, is the realization that you are doing this. Once you are aware, fixing and aligning yourself in positive behavioral patterns will become easier and more successful as time goes on.
In the end, remember to talk to God about your troubles. Be in conversation with Him. Ask, and listen for your response. Sharing with Him and trusting, being in His word and opening yourself up to learning will be the greatest thing you can do to help yourself serve Him.
Do you want to talk to someone about making changes in your life? Do you have questions about how to change your ways to God’s? Email us and you’ll be matched with mentors who are trained volunteers with real life experience who can answer questions, point you to other resources, or just listen.
Bill Bright’s Life Lessons
“By this gospel you are saved, if you hold firmly to the word I preached to you. Otherwise, you have believed in vain.” 1 Corinthians 15:2
Bill Bright had a passion to reach the world with the Gospel. In 1951 at the University of California, Los Angeles, Bill and Vonette Bright founded Campus Crusade for Christ. (Power to Change Ministries is the Canadian division of Campus Crusade for Christ International.) Although the Brights started out with little more than a vision of reaching college students with the Gospel, they trusted in God to provide, and their ministry quickly began to grow. As God blessed it and others saw the same vision and were called into service, the ministry began to thrive. In less than 10 years Campus Crusade was active on 40 US campuses and also in three other countries.
Today, Campus Crusade for Christ International (CCCI) employs over 27,000 missionaries all over the world, most of whom are entirely supported by partnerships with others. Although Dr Bright went to be with the Lord in 2003, he lived to see his vision fulfilled. CCCI continues to make a positive contribution as the largest evangelical organization in the world.
Dr Bright was a prolific writer, and many of his writings have been put online for the edification of believers everywhere. Not just concerned with “getting saved,” Bright also wanted people to live fully formed spiritual lives as Christians.
If you are a Christian, you will benefit from his writing. One of the most popular series is the ten “Transferable Concepts,” otherwise known as “Lessons for New Christians“. These are life lessons, which are short interactive studies. When you complete one, you will receive a personalized reply via email from a mentor. The first in the series is “How to Be Sure You are a Christian“. If you have been a Christian for a long time, you might want to consider starting with “How You Can Walk in the Spirit.” Try one today!
Lent, a Forgotten Tradition
At my church, the first day of the season of Lent (which fell on February 17 this year) passed by without even a mention. I only noticed it mentioned on a blog after the day had already passed!
Lent is the period of the year leading up to Easter, starting on Ash Wednesday and concluding on Palm Sunday (the Sunday before Easter). Usual Lent activities include fasting (sometimes from a particular food or type of food, like meat or sweets) and an increased focus on prayer. (If you would like help praying or would like someone to keep you accountable to pray during Lent, contact us to be matched with a mentor!)
This year I took a bit of a different approach to Lent: I gave up playing video games. To some that may sound frivolous, but this gives me an extra half an hour to an hour per day that I can spend reading my Bible and other books, as well as being in prayer. If you’re looking for some different ways you can spend Lent this year, check out our article Reclaim Lent: Find Some Breathing Room!
Are you participating in Lent this year, either by giving something up or in some other way? Let us know how in the comments!
The Greatest Goal? Henderson vs Crosby
“I am trusting you, O Lord, saying, “You are my God!” My future is in your hands.” (Psalm 31:14-15, NLT)
As we headed outside for some fresh air after the “Golden Goal” a man saw my Canada jersey and said, “I guess Mr. Crosby made your day. Maybe your year!” The euphoria was amazing and the patriotism was over the top. People talking to me on the street, cars honking and waving, flags proudly displayed! I loved it!
But was it the greatest goal? Paul Henderson’s winning goal in the 1972 Summit Series between Canada and the Soviet Union may still be the best. That whole series was “us” vs “them”, capitalism vs communism. It was the first real challenge to the supremacy of Canadian hockey players. Back in ’72 we were in the cold war. It was a cultural battle that many believed was between the right and wrong way to govern. We were free, the USSR was behind the Iron Curtain. For many people, there was a lot more than hockey being contested on that ice.
Ironically, Paul Henderson didn’t get to see part of this Sunday’s game between Canada and the USA. You might think the hockey legend would be glued to the screen, or possibly catching the game from the good seats at Canada Hockey Place. But he wasn’t. Henderson missed part of the game because he was speaking at a Weekend to Remember marriage conference for FamilyLife. On all day when every Canadian was a hockey fan, why would he of all people miss part of the game to teach about marriage?
To Paul, the greater goal, is a healthy marriage. At the conference he clearly articulated that at the centre of a healthy marriage is a relationship with Jesus Christ. On a Sunday when many debated which was the greatest goal Paul made a clear statement. Marriage with God at he centre is really the “Golden Goal.”
For some of us, a single moment will set the course of our lives. For Henderson and Crosby, it was a moment of greatness, for others it is a moment of tragedy. Are people like Henderson and Crosby destined for greatness? Or are they simply in the right place at the right time? You can explore the concept with Erwin McManus in his videos on craving destiny, and maybe even share them with a friend.
“As the Scripture says, “Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame.”" Romans 10:11
Has there been a single, defining moment in your life? Tell us about it in the comments.
Finishing Well
The Winter Olympics end soon. All the years of preparation and training have come down to this. Over the past two weeks, the Olympics have been filled with people who compete with an intensity and energy that is admired by millions, but the prize only goes to the one who finishes well – ahead of the others.
Vision and discipline
There are at least four attributes that are needed in order to compete well: vision, discipline, adaptability and personal satisfaction. Vision can be defined as “a mental picture of the desired future”. The more specific the vision is, the greater the potential benefit of that vision toward success.
I had the desire to run a marathon. It was a great vision, but not really helpful in terms accomplishing my desire. It wasn’t until I set a date, picked a race, and set a time goal for pacing myself that the vision became a useful tool. Only then did my vision begin to become a reality.
Once my vision was more defined, it moved me to action. I began to train in a focused way. I talked about what I was going to do, which provided a sense of accountability to follow through on my vision. The discipline that I imposed on myself in training for a marathon also began to impact other areas of my life. It caused me to be more focused in setting goals and implementing them. I’m convinced that a true vision will result in focused goals and self discipline needed to move towards those goals.
Adaptability and satisfaction
Adaptability and personal satisfaction come as by-products of the vision and its implementation. It’s surprising how the will to accomplish something causes us to adapt accordingly. The ultimate satisfaction of seeing the vision “in process” and becoming a reality can help with the challenging moments along the way.
Sometimes people become overwhelmed with the task of creating and implementing a vision because they feel the need to have an ultimate vision for their life. It’s actually easier to start with baby steps. Pick an area of life and get a mental picture of a desired future in that area. This could be in the physical, intellectual, financial, professional, spiritual or relational sphere. Just choose a specific place to start.
Vision is created twice. First, the mental picture is created. This shaping of the vision is like the general form of clay in a potter’s hand. Second, the vision is created by defining it so that it can be lived out in a physical reality, taking specific, small steps toward the vision becoming reality. Both steps are important.
In his book, Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey calls this “Beginning with the End in Mind.” What is your desired future? Take the time to think and dream before rushing headlong into goal setting and implementation. King Solomon said, “Without a vision, the people perish.” (Proverbs 29:18, KJV) He must have understood some very fundamental about the human spirit. Each of us longs to for change and a better future. Solomon, a rich and powerful king during biblical times, realized that the future was realized beyond the physical. What is your vision for 2010? Does that desire go beyond the physical?
Share your vision for 2010 with us in the comments! If you’d like to talk to a mentor privately about your vision and have them walk alongside you to help it become a reality, contact an online mentor privately via email! Let us know if you have prayer requests too!
Kelly Clark: If This is All Life Is …
Kelly Clark won the gold medal in the women’s snowboarding halfpipe event at the 2002 Olympics. This year she won her second Olympic medal, capturing the bronze in the same event at the 2010 Vancouver games. (Source: CTV)
In this video interview however, rather than talking about her success, she talks about a chance comment she overheard after winning her gold medal that ended up changing her entire life:
This example shows how powerful a simple (even inadvertent) comment can be. Kelly seemed to have it all, but actually had longings that her success was unable to fill.
Our Soul Cravings Experience site helps you use Erwin McManus’ Soul Cravings book to reach out to friends with ways to address their “soul cravings”. It includes sample discussion questions you can use to get the conversation started, as well as videos and other resources.
Sparkle and Shine: 2010 Spring and Summer Trends
Get ready for romance as the spring and summer fashions of 2010 hit the stores! Ultra feminine looks offer tiers of flounce, lace, floral patterns and ruffles. Voluminous shapes of lustrous silk and organza provide for pretty party dresses and softly tailored pantsuits. Color trends range from pastel subtle tones to light and bright summer hues.
Sparkle and shine hit the runway again as embellishment continues to climb the fashion charts with sequins, crystals, beading and glitter. Even the most basic T-shirt is upgraded to total decadence this season. If embellishment and romance aren’t on your fashion palette then consider the alternate styles offered this season.
The minimal urban look gives a clean line with a precise silhouette. This architectural clothing is sleek and sophisticated especially in neutral colors. The minimalist style, shy on accessories, offers a simple yet elegant look.
Underwear is the new outerwear. Lingerie inspired pieces such as frilly lace bras over shirts and bustiers will make you blush. Victoria’s Secret is moving out of the store and into the streets.
Simple and sporty weekend wear moves into the weekday. Sleeveless hoodies and drawstring details on track pants with mesh inserts provide comfort and style. The military look carries over from last season with khaki hues in an officer jacket or trench coat, cargo pants and chinos.
The tunic white blouse is a fashion must-try. Add a button down, wrapped or pleated style, whatever best suits your body type.
Shoes this season are skyscrapers with platform heels. Mary Janes with cut out details, T-strap diva shoes, cork wedge heels and high sling backs look great but prove difficult to wear for those long days at the office. Pointed toe flats with pretty detailing and bows or two strap sandals such as gladiators will offer casual comfort.
Transparent accessories are hot! Shop for Lucite bracelets, plastic earrings, or crystal shoes. Even Cinderella would be impressed!
One Wish Fashion List: With so much variety this season shop til you drop and enjoy browsing the racks to create your own distinctive style. A romantic flowing dress with skyscraper heels, a crisp white blouse with a pair of chinos or a sporty ensemble for the weekend will take you from the office to the beach. Have fun with the variety of this season!
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