Women-Experience Blog
Hope for Adult Children of Divorce
According to a recent report from the Family Research Council, 55 percent of teenagers live in families where their biological parents have rejected one another. Of the 12.8 million teenagers ages 15-17 in the U.S. in 2008, 7 million were living with one birth parent only, with a birth parent and a stepparent, with two cohabiting parents, or with neither parent (in adoptive or foster families, in group quarters, or on their own).*
Are you one of the 7 million? I was.
As families break up, teens suffer rejection and loneliness. Rejection causes us to replay negative experiences in our minds. Each time we hit rewind and replay the situation our depression deepens. It’s a vicious cycle and a spiritual battle. You and I need God to break any mindset that keeps us trapped in a negative place. But how?
During the time when I was healing from my parents divorce, a minister came up to me and said, “God tells me you are replaying the pain. Stop rehearsing it. Instead fill your heart and mind with what God’s Word says about you.” I knew he was right, so I did as he said. And that was the beginning of a greater liberty in my life. From that day forward, I made a conscious effort to let go of my bitterness.
Finding your place
There is a place of belonging for you beginning today and that place is close to the heart of God. You can experience healing. You can leave the pain of your past behind. You can move into the future, whole and complete in Christ. God did it for me, and He will do it for you.
Maybe your parents divorced, your dad or mom left, one of your parents passed away, or a brother or sister betrayed you. Maybe you have a parent who is serving in the military and you miss them. Perhaps your family is struggling with unemployment; your parent is laid off and out of work. Your parents’ home may have been foreclosed and you wonder when the fighting over money will end. Whatever the root of your rejection has been, you must hold onto hope. You can throw off bitterness and experience healing in your soul.
Habakkuk 3:16-19 shows us that God works in the bad times in our lives. The hard experiences we endure really do make us stronger. Romans 8:28 goes on to say that “in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (NIV)
Restoration is a process. Psalm 30:5 declares, “Weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.” No matter how cutting the pain of darkness is, the light of day always breaks through it.
God goes before you and He is greater than your circumstances. He sees your past, present, and future. He gets you. He stands with arms open. His love can heal your deepest sorrow. He can lift the bitterness you feel and bring liberty that will cause your heart to sing again.
I understand people you love have hurt you. Just remember, you are not rejected and you are not alone. You have a place of shelter, a Heavenly Father, a Christian family, and an eternal home.
Six Rejection Breaking Keys that Show How You B-E-L-O-N-G
B – Begin Starting anything new can be hard. In fact, there’s not much good we can do in our own ability without the Lord. That’s why God wants to be your strength as you begin embracing Him (Psalm 46:1 and II Corinthians 12:9-10).
E – Embracing Here’s where you act upon your faith. To embrace is to accept and welcome God in your life (Acts 16:31 and Romans 5:1). You might ask, “But, how do I embrace God?” Well, you talk to Him just like you talk to your best friend. (At the end of this post, there’s an opportunity for you to experience God’s love through the power of prayer.)
L – Love’s I John 4:16 tells us that “God is love”. Is it possible for people like you and me to know Love’s open arms? You bet it is. Never forget, you are God’s favorite one.
O – Open arms Jesus died on the cross, but He also rose from the grave. We aren’t embracing a dead or made-up deity. Our God is alive. The Holy Spirit enables us to feel His presence and sense His open arms. When we call on the Lord Jesus, He hears us every time (Isaiah 58:9).
N – Never-ending
Isaiah 9:6-7 reassures us that God is forever. He isn’t going to walk out on us. Isaiah says, “For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, and Prince of Peace. Of the greatness of his government and peace there will be no end” (NIV, emphasis added). Did you get that last part? The kingdom of God is never-ending (Psalm 16:8).
G – Grace Favor surrounds you when the God of love is with you. John 1:17 reminds us, “the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ” (NIV). God will transform your life with His grace. He is the lifter of your head. No more rejection, only acceptance in Him.
A Prayer
God can heal your broken heart. Are you ready to pray?
Lord, who is more powerful than you? Who is more able to restore than you? Not anyone! I empty my heart of the rejection I have experienced and I ask you for peace. Will you revive me again? Will you take away the pain?
I believe you will! I will not hang my head low in defeat; I choose in this holy moment to hold onto hope. I lift my head high, knowing that you have created me to be an individual, as unique as the snowflakes outside. Help me to forgive my family. I release my resentment. Bring purity to my life, restore the trust. Heal the brokenness and cause my heart to sing with new joy! Thank you for being my Heavenly Father and for welcoming me into your family and home. I am neither rejected, nor alone because I BELONG to you. I ask all these things in Jesus’ name. Amen.
God hears and answers, so expect His breakthrough in your life. Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (NIV). God is going to do something mighty for you.
Has divorce touched your family? Read our resources to find hope:
Helping children cope with separation and divorce
Entering marriage as a child of divorce
Stopping the cycle of divorce
Got Change?
April 12th, 2009 forced a change in my life. I remember making my way across the darkened parking lot and slipping in behind the wheel of my car in silence. Rain slipped down the windshield and I opened the window ever so slightly, hoping that the chilled air would remind me to breathe. For 10 days I had sat at the bedside of my husband and best friend. That night his battled ended and I knew he was resting peacefully in the arms of God. As I pulled away, more than just the road ahead was seemed dark and unfamiliar.
Change comes suddenly and without warning, often in ways we are not prepared for. A loss of a relationship, job loss, bad news, unwanted circumstances are all outside of our control. The change forces new challenges and opportunities to navigate the road ahead and forge on to allow God to lead us to new destinations.
If you are facing change in your life there are a few keys in making change your friend rather than foe:
- Allow yourself time to heal emotionally, physically and spiritually from the shock of the unexpected. Making decisions to soon or for the wrong reasons can complicate your situation. The Holy Spirit can heal the brokenness and emptiness and bring wisdom in making decisions about your future.
- Surround yourself with wise friends who will guide you and provide Godly wisdom. Be open and honest even transparent in the feelings you are experiencing.
- Accept the fact change is a part of life and understand your setbacks can be followed by comebacks.
- Know your steps are ordered by God and He has a plan and purpose for your future.
- Understand that disappointments have meaning. If you separate the word dis from appointment it means cut off or separated from your appointment. Stalling in the land of disappointment will keep you from reaching the great and exciting destination God still has for your life.
- Postpone major decisions but when you are ready aggressively take action to move ahead. Don’t allow doubt or fear to camp in your thinking.
- Believe that nothing happens that God is not fully aware of and has provision to bring you into a new level of faith and wisdom.
Got change? Whatever change you are facing today God is still in control. The clouds will roll back and the sun will shine again. Change when accepted constructively will become deposits and investments that will become more valuable over time.
Take the Next Step
Coping with Change
Finding Peace in Troubled Times
Help! My Wife Doesn’t Want Sex
You might feel like you’re alone in this, but you’re not. Free email mentoring is available today. Request a mentor.
I agree with Dan Allendar when he says that, “Sex is volatile and it was meant to be.” For guys, when we are getting regular sex the world is as it should be and we are the confident male species ready to take on any challenge and defeat any enemy! On the other hand, a lack of sex causes us to plummet, doubt our self-worth and wonder, “what’s the use?” This leads to some very common questions like:
Q: My wife does not want to have sex. I take it personally and feel like she does not want me. I am assuming it is her lack of desire for me. I feel unloved and hurt by this. Am I right?
A: Don’t jump to conclusions. There are many factors as to why your wife does not want to have sex and many may have little to do with you.
Wired differently
Because of the way we are wired, men and women have very different views of sex. It begins with the chemicals in our brain. Men have a much higher level of testosterone than women do. That’s the chemical that causes us to think about and want sex. Women have a much higher level of oxytocin, which is sometimes called the “bonding hormone”. That’s the chemical that makes them want to connect. So here we are with high testosterone ready to have sex and our wives with their high oxytocin are ready to snuggle.
She is wired to want connection as much as we want sex. “Hey we want connection!” I hear you say. Ya right! We want to connect our body with hers! She wants you to be interested in her by giving her attention, listening and touching but only non-sexual touching. We are wired to feel fulfilled when we have sex, women are wired to feel fulfilled when they are bonding.
So it is easy to see there is going to be a frequency issue that has nothing to do with how desirable you are. Guys are wired to want more sex and women are wired for emotional connection. (Although in about 25% of relationships this is reversed – I met a couple of these guys but neither appreciated the great situation they were in.) Women can feel sexually fulfilled without having an orgasm during sex. I know, it’s mind boggling!
Making the connection
Then there is the difference of what our minds are thinking about. She walks in the room looks at you a certain way and you are thinking, “All right, I know what is on her mind!” Actually you don’t. Guys, we can compartmentalize our thoughts and in an instant switch to the “sex” compartment just by looking at our wife’s body. For women everything is connected, meaning: that look she gave you might not even about you. Guys can focus and cut out distractions. Women usually have a more difficult time doing that. Because sex is so high in our thought processes we go there quickly. Women have a myriad of thoughts with sex being a lot lower especially when there are distractions around like kids needing attention, a deadline at work and the realization that there’s no milk in the fridge.
The challenge is that often women feel disconnected and distracted. One of the top reasons women give for not wanting sex is fatigue. As one woman said, “When I arrive home late from a busy day and then deal with my family’s demands the last thing on my mind is sex. I am just too pooped to party.” Plain and simple women are often just too tired.
Your wife desires you but demonstrates it in a very different way than you think it should be. We want sex, she wants to have you take notice of her, listen to her, snuggle with her, help her with the dishes, and tell her she is beautiful, before her brain makes a transition into thinking sex. Meeting her bonding needs is huge for a woman. Does this mean if you do these things tonight she will be all over you? Doesn’t work that way. It’s not a switch you flip in your wife’s brain but here is the good news:
“We sure work hard to get good sex, and even then there are no promises. But I can promise you this: if you work hard to win your wife’s heart as you once did when she said “I do,” her emotional need for closeness, connection, and love will bring her back into your arms. There your chance of sparking a fire is most promising.” Secrets of Happily Married Men P. 227
Growing together
So now what? Tackle the real issues in your way. The obstacles to connecting with your wife have little (if anything) to do with your desirability. You need to move past your incorrect thinking, “she does not desire me”. Women are wired differently so most likely you have a connection issue.
Here is what I suggest: take a renewed interest in her and her needs. If you haven’t read the book the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman do it now and start the fun. I discovered that men are good at observation, even better than women. It has something to do with our ability to focus, so the challenge is to see what works. How does she best like you to express love to her?
I realized that I tried to love my wife the way I liked to receive love so I wrote her really nice cards with well thought-out wording. Those were OK but I remember it dawning on me that if I cleared out the dishwasher I was really talking her language! I like words of affirmation and she likes acts of service. It has made a major difference in how I express love. I need to make sure I am meeting her need for bonding with me the way she wants it to occur. That means away from the bedroom and not just when I want sex.
Distractions is a big one and we have to realize women need a lot more time to get in the mood. It takes me 30 seconds and I’m sure you can beat that time but your wife is different. I discovered my wife had a huge distraction in that we had no lock on our bedroom door and she thought one on the kids might walk in on having sex. The very next day I put a lock on the door. My wife still calls this the fastest home improvement project I ever did! Eliminating distractions isn’t easy or always successful but there is often a lot we CAN do.
Fatigue. This is a no brainer. What could you do to help more? Each time I do something I don’t really enjoy I usually tell myself (yes I talk to myself) that I am expressing love whether she sees it or not. Encourage her to get the rest she needs. Your encouragement may help overcome guilt at taking a nap or going to bed early.
By the way when observation doesn’t get you the info you need you can always ask her. It took some time when I asked my wife how I could best express love and what her needs were but over time we have had a much clearer idea of how it works.
One more heads up with taking an interest in your wife, find out what she really enjoys in the bedroom. Just because you enjoy something does not mean your wife loves it. Communication is really important. She is unique and no matter what the books, movies or internet says, you need to discover what she likes. Then become better at it. I know we all think we are hot in bed but there is always room for improvement. Make it a goal that when you are having sex, she enjoys it.
So, how’s your love life? Do you need to talk? Either contact us privately by filling out this form and one of our mentors will contact you or make a comment about this article below the form.
9/11 Ten Years Later
Warning: This video contains violent imagery and may not be appropriate for all audiences. Viewer discretion is advised.
I remember the day it happened, wondering if the world would ever be the same again. Ten years later we know that no, it won’t be. We all remember where we were that morning. Sujo John was in the north tower, his wife was due at work in the south tower. Ten years later the memories of that day are still just as clear. This is his story.
Take the next step:
10 Years later, I’m still waiting for “normal”
Life lessons from 9/11
I lived, now what? Lorraine learns to live with her miracle
Where is God when the world falls apart? Take a lesson.
Are you struggling with loss? We are here to talk to you today.
Female Beauty Matters
Recently, several bloggers tackled a highly sensitive and debated topic— the need for women to attend to their beauty and appearance. I published a post, extracted from my Girls Gone Wise book, which examined some Scriptural directives for women on what and what not to wear. I came under fire for focusing on such mundane matters rather than really important stuff—like comforting the sick and war-torn. I admit it. The topic of woman’s appearance is trivial compared to the war on the other side of the world – but given the reality of our culture, it’s a battle that hits much closer to home.
A Sensitive Issue for both sexes
Woman’s appearance is a sensitive issue, because from a man’s perspective, a wife’s effort to be beautiful for her husband speaks of her care and respect for him, and communicates her desire to be sexually attractive and available for him. Making a reasonable effort to care for and beautify herself is a demonstration of her devotion. In his view, a lack of effort in this regard demonstrates a lack of concern for him. Bottom line – whether we like it our not, it’s important to our guys.
When it comes to beauty, women react against the burden of expectation, the fear that they will fall short of the desired standard, the inevitability of decay, and the resentment that the script is different for men than it is for women. A woman wants to be loved and accepted as she is. From a wife’s perspective, a husband’s attraction to/desire for beauty can magnify her feelings of personal inadequacy and insecurity, and she may fear that his love/acceptance depends on her ability to measure up.
So who is right? The stalemate in the discussion often boils down to the fact that women resent the fact that men are so attracted to beauty, while men resent the fact that women don’t make the effort to properly attend to it. So how do we resolve the impasse? In my opinion, we can’t hope to make sense of the question until we view woman’s beauty and beautification through the lens of the biblical typology of gender, and the eternal, cosmic meaning of sexuality.
Beauty has a cosmic meaning
Psalm 45 is a song celebrating the marriage of a Hebrew king to a foreign princess. But it’s also a messianic prophecy pointing to the relationship between Christ the King and His Church-Bride. The Psalmist notes that the king “desires her beauty”, and that the princess, in turn, makes herself beautiful—“all-glorious”— for him.
Scripture uses this imagery to illustrate how we are to make ourselves beautiful for our King. The Lord wants us to clothe ourselves in fine, spotless garments of righteousness—in holy character and holy deeds. (Rev. 19:7—8) He wants us to be beautiful, and through Jesus, we are! The great story of the gospel is that God gives us the opportunity to clothe ourselves in the beauty of Christ. He provides the beauty- and we don’t need to work or strive to measure up, nor do we need fear that we will fail to meet the standard.
So what does all this have to do with our discussion about female appearance? It has a great deal to do with it. We live—as C.S. Lewis coined it—in the “shadow lands.” The earthly, physical realities of our lives are but shadows—copies—of true and heavenly realities (e.g. Heb. 8:5; 9:24-25). The physical and temporal exist to point us to the spiritual and eternal. And nowhere is this more the case than in the relationship between male and female.
Human sexuality is a parable —a testimony to the character of God and to His spectacular plan of redemption through Jesus. This spiritual truth is so magnificent that God chose to put it on display permanently. Everywhere. Men were created to reflect the strength, love and self-sacrifice of Christ. Women were created to reflect the grace and beauty of the Bride He redeemed.
I believe that men are “wired” to be attracted to beauty in women because our Heavenly Bridegroom desires the beauty of His Bride. And I believe that deep down, every woman wants to feel beautiful and desired. This is the way that God has created us as male and female—and the illustration points to something far bigger than ourselves.
Beauty is more than a passing pleasure
Many scorn beauty as “a passing pleasure.” They think that the illusive, fragile, fading, temporary, and wrinkle-and-stretch-mark-prone nature of female beauty indicates that men (and women) should just “get over it” and focus on more important things.
Beauty is indeed a passing pleasure. But I think there’s a deeper meaning here that we dare not trivialize. The symbolic importance of beauty/beautification is not unlike the symbolic importance of marriage. Woman’s beauty, and all the broken, distorted ideas about it, will not so much pass, as give way—in the end—to that to which beauty points. There will be no marriage in heaven because the shadow will give way to the reality. Likewise, the illusive, fading, temporary beauty of women will one day give way to the breathtaking, spectacular, eternal beauty of the Bride of Christ.
The gospel doesn’t negate man’s desire to enjoy beauty and woman’s desire to be beautiful, but it does shift the focus of our attention beyond the symbol to that to which it points. When we consider the jaw-dropping picture painted by Scripture, it would seem that our Lord finds our desire for beauty not too strong, but too weak. We get all wrapped up with the earthly and the superficial and temporal, while the supernatural and eternal is offered us. Like an ignorant tourist who spreads out his towel under the picture of the umbrella on the sign, because he does not know that the sign points to the beach. We are far too easily pleased. (Again, a favorite C. S. Lewis thought)
Embracing beauty
Followers of Christ know that the symbol is not even fractionally as important as the reality. But they understand that it is not totally unimportant either.
So girls, let’s give the guys a break. Let’s stop condemning them for feeling attracted to beauty and wanting us to make a reasonable and sustained effort in that department. And guys… give us a break. Please understand how very personal and painful this issue can be for women. It’s very difficult to stay engaged in fighting a battle we know we are destined to lose. The beauty of our youth will inevitably fade. And most of us don’t have a hope of even remotely resembling the airbrushed model on the cover of the magazine.
In my opinion, the answer to the conundrum surrounding the discussion about female beauty is not to diminish or deny its importance, but to exalt and embrace the all-surpassing beauty to which it points.
Let’s always remember that the whole issue of female beauty is merely a signpost. It’s reminder to all of us—male and female—that the King desires our beauty, and that we ought to carefully attend to our character, and to making ourselves spiritually beautiful for that great destination wedding on the other shore.
Read more about Beauty:
The Summer of Letting Go
This fall my 18 year-old son, my first-born, my newly minted young adult, will be leaving home to start university. I have never been an overly protective mother. Over the years, he has often left home, even for extended times. At 8 years old, he spent a week with members of our extended family whom he barely knew.
After that there were vacations with his best friend’s family, 2-week ski trips with his French elementary school, excursions to Quebec with his French class, and to Mexico on mission trips, all without me along. I always knew that my role was to “let go” and encourage him to try his wings so that when the day came for him to become independent, he would be ready. For years I have been progressively working myself out of a job, or at least gradually changing my job description.
The universal questions
But am I ready? The distant deadline somehow always approaches far too rapidly. All parents experience this, but does that make it any easier? Joel Achenbach, in his touching blog post, Last-minute bonding to make up for lost time wrote, “It’s not true that kids grow up fast. What is true is that it seems fast if you’re paying too much attention to other stuff.” After all the years of reminding our much younger daughter that we had years together ahead of us before Josh left for college, we now find ourselves hurtling toward the day.
I talk to other moms a little ahead of me on this journey, and I realize that I am the Universal Mother asking the Universal Questions. Will he wake up in the morning and get to class? Will he eat properly? Will he so enjoy the taste of freedom that he will forget why he has gone to college? Will he wash his sheets? Will he think to call me occasionally, or will I be reduced to reading his Facebook posts to learn that he is off rock climbing?
Then there are the Important Questions. Will he be safe, going from a small town where we don’t always lock the front door, to living in a big city? Will he make wise choices about priorities, money, and friends? Will we still enjoy the complicity that now exists between us? Will he continue to walk with God? Will the new ideas he will be exposed to shake his faith or help him to go deeper still?
I think back to my own departure at 18. Was my mom sad or worried? Probably, but I don’t remember. I was too excited about starting college, growing up, and the anticipation of new friends and new adventures to pay much attention. And while Josh admitted recently that his excitement is also tinged with a little anxiety, I’m betting that it won’t be long before he is immersed in this new world.
I will miss him terribly, but would I really prefer that he only aspire to stay here, in the safety and security of our home? The idea behind the movie Failure to Launch is comical, but not so entertaining for real-life parents whose adult son is still living in the basement playing video games. I don’t want him to be too fearful to step out by faith, on his own. This is exactly the goal I had in mind as I raised him. I say to myself, often, “This is good and right. This is how it should be.” I can’t stop him from growing up, and I shouldn’t try either. But I can prepare him for the day that we say good-bye. This is ultimately not about me. It is about him, his future, and his life. I need to let him live it.
Take the next step
Is your family changing?
Are you ready to let go?
Check out the book that Carol featured: Last-minute bonding to make up for lost time by Joel Achenbach
Love, Prayer, and Forgiveness
Christian marriages should be different. Why? The answer is because we have Jesus Christ. He enables us to have all the tools we need to make a marriage work. Three of those tools are: love, prayer, and forgiveness.
You may be thinking, “Hey wait, these aren’t unique to Christians.” But because of Jesus they are different in our lives. As Christians we know that God pursues us in relationship, it’s not merely us having a one-way conversation with a deity. With love and forgiveness it isn’t so much about our effort as it is allowing Jesus to love and forgive through us. There is a big difference when we try to do it on our own.
Love
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16 (ESV). God SO loved. He so loved that he gave his only son to die for YOU. You need to remind yourself of this truth daily. He gave you that love to give to others. He continues to give you the love you need to love your spouse, even when you don’t feel it. If you pray for God to give you the love you need, He will answer. Go ahead try it.
Prayer
FamilyLife recognizes that many Christian couples don’t pray together and if they do they don’t pray about their marriage. Pray together with your spouse. Pray about your marriage. Pray for your spouse. Couples that pray together stay together. If you talk to God about your spouse, you start to see how God views him or her.
Forgiveness
God forgave us. Just like love, he gave us forgiveness so that we could pass it on to others. We can give our spouse the gift of forgiveness. Through God you can forgive your spouse for their wrong-doings. This is a gift for you and for them. Through forgiveness you can be free from bitterness, guilt and sin. Your spouse can know that even though they hurt you, you won’t hold it against them. You can accept an apology. How would does that feel when your spouse does that for you? Remember, you don’t have to wait for them to start, you can start today! It is up to you, for you and for your spouse. You will both benefit from this.
You have the tools at your fingertips. These are just a few. Will your marriage be different? Having God at the centre of your marriage, makes all the difference.
Take the Next Step
2011 Fall and Winter Trend Report
Sleek and chic, classy pieces with new daring combinations characterize this season’s report. Sophistication prevails in this glamorous fall and winter look of 2011! The influence of decades past makes the old classics new again.
A flashback to the 50s brings us sophisticated Hollywood elegance. Perfectly finished from head to toe, this look is about polished distinction. Look for dresses that go past the knee, skirt suits and three quarter sleeve coats. Bold accessorizes help achieve this elegant look.
Spring meets fall for the first time with dresses showing up in a mosaic of floral prints. The 60′s look returns with bold graphic prints. Hems are dropping… and dropping fast! Mid calf and floor length hemlines are a big departure from the ultra-minis seen last season. Side slits have made a come back in the winter dress. Add the sleeveless drop-waisted shift to your wardrobe this season.
90’s minimalism has made its way onto the runways. Tailoring builds the contours for this season’s fashion fair. Precision cut draping and structure defines jackets and trousers. Simplicity reigns with the return of the pencil skirts topped with a loose fitting blouse.
What’s hot when it comes to color and fabric?
Color abounds! Creamy coffee, camel, bright crimson, citrus and burnt orange along with the rich emerald jewel shades of jade and azure make their statement in the stores this season. These rich hues are found in coats, bags, belts, shoes and dresses.
Textures are mixed to add style and flare. Leather, faux fur, vinyls, feathers and brocades give a strong look. Velvet is everywhere in the fall collections. This luxurious and romantic fabric can elevate any look, taking your outfit easily from daytime to eveningwear.
Plaids in a tartan to a rustic weave are making their return. Check out the pleated schoolgirl skirt paired with a turtleneck. Stripes, checks, even polka dots are also a carry over from the 70’s.
Glamour abounds this holiday season. Sequins make a statement in a variety of colors and shapes. Oversize post it note sequins are iridescent fun and futuristic.
Trousers
Flare and wide leg bottoms with a high waist give an elegant look when worn with a loose satin blouse. Cropped or slim fit pants will still find room in your wardrobe this winter.
Accessorize
Layered necklaces add style to a simple neckline. Motif pins give flare to a classic outfit. Choker necklaces and cuff bracelets in gold, copper or silver add prominence and style to a dress in the back of your closet. Hollywood 50′s elegance dictates pearls, gloves and fur wraps.
Shoes are bold with choices from patent, suede and reptile skins such as python and croc. Colors are fun with the addition of fringes, bows or straps. Heels are tall with either a spike or a wedge.
The bag collections include a range from a patent clutch to reptile skins with chain handles. Have fun bringing life to a simple black dress with a crimson reptile bag and matching suede shoes!
Textured stockings are an easy way to add interest to a simple outfit.
This Season’s One Tip Wonder
Add a camel coat in a sleek classic silhouette to your outerwear this season. Camel is a chic and eye catching shade. Consider some faux fur trim to add warmth and interest. Every woman can wear this classic addition with great confidence!
A Bunch of Hot Air
One clear September morning my son packed up his car and headed off to college. Oh, I knew in my head that he was ready for the next stage of his journey. Such a clear demonstration of maturity and wisdom is evident in almost any eighteen year old – what could possibly go wrong?! I repeated like a mantra, “He’s responsible. He’s good. He’s wise. He’ll be fine. I can trust him…. He’s responsible. He’s good…” And I knew that he was.
But my heart, my mother-heart stared sadly at that rumbling car as he drove away. He turned and waved at the corner. I waved back and blew a kiss. A deep melancholy overwhelmed me. A chapter of mothering had just turned that corner with him. Well, that is, it had always looked like a corner, up until now. In the clarity of the early morning air, I felt a certain kinship with Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, when she proclaimed to her dog, “Toto, I’ve a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.” That corner was not really a corner it was a precipice, a great abyss, a free fall into the great unknown.
I was now the mother of an adult son, and mothering would look differently than it had up to this point.
What happens now?
Questions, doubts, like balloons, floated between my heart and my head, vying for attention, squeezing aside trust, obstructing peace. Had we prepared him for the journey ahead? Was he equipped to withstand the hard knocks, to make wise decisions, to be responsible? Was his faith strong enough to walk him through the difficult questions that the future would bring? What did my new role look like? A hundred and one questions collided inside my head.
And then, quietly a bubble of faith floated into the air before me. I reached out and took hold of it.
“I will never leave him, nor forsake him. For I know the plans I have for him, plans to prosper him and not to harm him, plans for a hope and a future. When he asks for wisdom, I will give it to him. I have given my angels charge over him.” And softly, gently, peace and trust returned to my soul. A calm assurance pushed aside the melancholy. “I will instruct you, and teach you in the way that you should go.”
Our Father is a parent to so many adult children. He would instruct me. He would guide me. This same God of peace would also carry my son as he steered towards the hazy precipice of the future. Oh, I knew that he wouldn’t sail through life. No one does. I knew that he might drag his feet at the bottom of that chasm more than once. But I also had the calm assurance that God would not allow him to get stuck in the mud at the bottom, but would carry him on angels wings to fulfill the plans and purposes for which he was created.
My reverie was broken by the sound of a familiar distant rumble. I glanced towards the sound, and caught the sparkle of the sun, glinting off my son’s car for just a brief second before he slid out of sight. I smiled. I almost had a sense that my prayers, like balloons, were wafting silently upon the morning haze, across the hilltops and were lifting him, carrying him into the future. He had not fallen off the precipice. He was being carried.
We can’t see the road ahead. But, we know the One who can! It is this One that guides our journey; that carries us through the melee of life. It is also this 0ne that is always within our reach, waiting for us to inhale His truth, His love, His presence. As we inhale His Presence, He lifts us up above the fears and mysteries of the unknown, and fills us with peace, wisdom, guidance and trust.
I stood to my feet. As I turned to go inside, I glanced once more at the hillside. A quiet refrain soughed gently in the breeze.
I will lift up my eyes to the hills –
From whence comes my help?
My help comes from the LORD,
Who made heaven and earth.
The LORD is your keeper;
The LORD shall preserve you from all evil;
He shall preserve your soul.
The LORD shall preserve your going out and your coming in
From this time forth, and even forevermore.
Psalm 121: 1, 2, 5a, 7, 8.
Related:
Do you need to find shelter in God’s arms?
Trust God through the Seasons of Life
Become a Better Listener
Listening is complex. In its simplest form its something my dog can do. Effectual listening, however, requires more than your physical presence, because it requires you to engage your heart and mind to understand not only my words but the part of myself I am communicating to you. To me, being heard, with this type of care, is essential.
If I’m ever going to connect with people in my life to Christ, I need to be an effective listener. I must be able to hear their concerns, their heart, and their questions in order to connect their story with God’s story, and I must demonstrate a quality of listening that communicates love, value, and respect. What’s your listening saying about you?
Take the next step:
Are you a good listener? Become a mentor
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Media
What Do You Fear?
What do you fear, and why? Is it holding you back from realizing your full potential?
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