In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved, and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders Fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders Fields.

The In Flanders Fields poem was written by Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae on May 3 1915. He wrote it after witnessing the death of his friend on the battlefield the day before. It is a solemn reminder of the atrocities of war and an admonishment to steadfastly remain vigilant even when faced with terrifying adversity.

On this day we honor those who bravely fought for freedom and justice, and many of whom bravely gave their lives for the noble cause. It goes by different names in different places, including Remembrance Day, Veteran’s Day, Poppy Day, and Armistice Day, but the sentiment is the same: Not to glorify the tragedy of war, but to commemorate the valor of those who fought to defend their country.

Brigadier General (ret.) Robinson Risner, a veteran pilot who fought in World War 2, the Korean War and the Vietnam War, is one of those brave military soldiers who we should remember today. Despite being shot down twice over enemy territory, and being captured and tortured, each time it happened he wasted no time taking to the skies again, ready to serve his country. Read his story: Enduring Torture in a POW Camp

Please feel free to share your own stories of remembrance or commemoration in the comments below. If you feel the need to speak with someone in private, our online mentors are always available to listen.

“God what are you doing?” I wondered.  The house had seemed like such a miracle, and now we were so disappointed.  We said yes to the second house, but were still in grief over the first one.  During that time the movie preview was postponed to 1:30.  At 1:20 my daughter said to me, “Mom lets go to a movie.” I suddenly remembered Courageous and we ran out the door.

I was not expecting the range of emotions that Courageous took me on.  I laughed, (really laughed) I cried (get-out-the-tissues-and-pass-them-down-the-row cried). I enjoyed it and the values resonated deep in my spirit.  Values are very important to me and it was great to see a movie with such a strong message about priorities.

It brought me to tears

At one point during the film my eleven year old asked why I was crying.  (Any parent will understand why I was crying, but it was lost on her.)  I was crying because I love my kids SO much, and because we are SO rich because we have them.  I cried because I miss my son and daughter who live in heaven.  I cried for the reminder to appreciate my family and take seriously my responsibility and to laugh and dance and spend time with them. I cried because no matter where we live we are together and we have each other and THAT is what matters MOST.

I walked out of the theatre with a new perspective.  We already have the thing that is the most important. I was still disappointed to lose the house, but chose to focus with gratitude on the great things about our new home instead.  Perspective can make all the difference.  I have recently learned that if we want to control our emotions we need to control our thoughts.  It sounds simple but is hard to practice.

Courageous reminds us to focus on what is truly important: family, values, integrity.  These are the things that last beyond the moment.  I love my family and if we live in a shack and are safe and healthy, we still have much to be thankful for!

It takes courage to face both the daily things and the BIG things that life throws at us.  This movie features several men who face both the big and small decisions with priorities based on family values.  I was truly moved.

As a Christian who fully embraces the values of the film, I would love to see you all go opening weekend so that we can make a statement that good movies are wanted in our culture.  This movie’s message is SO important for our culture.  The next generation needs parents focused on character, love, integrity, involvement, and time spent together.

Get more tips on how you can be a better father:
Creative Parenting
When Parents Break Your Heart
Could you forgive your daughter?
Courageous: Helping Dads Excel

Courageous is a movie about five police men living with exciting careers and challenges at home.  One of them is moved to improve as a father.  His co-workers are inspired to do the same, and they resolve to be better dads.  But it doesn’t end there.  Life happens, and they have to make decisions – will they be the men of integrity as they promised when it’s hard, really hard?

This movie is exciting, funny, and action filled.  The police scenes will leave you at the edge of your seat.  You’ll roar with laughter and be moved to tears.  The movie portrays all sorts of fathers – fathers who favor one child over another, fathers of teenage daughters with boyfriends, divorced fathers and fathers who want to be better.

The press release for Courageous describes why a movie like this is so important:

Today, fatherlessness in Canada is widespread and its effects are far reaching. Studies show that fatherless children are at a dramatically greater risk of drug and alcohol abuse, mental illness, suicide, poor educational performance, teen pregnancy and criminality. Even in homes where the father is present, he may be struggling with career, life’s purpose or marital issues. Dads are often busy and disconnected. The movie Courageous invites men to make a profound change for the sake of their families, collectively altering the future of our nation as men put into practice what fatherhood should be.

This movie is a must-see for families. In a culture that is becoming more and more desensitized to violence, Courageous adds some sensitivity back.  Take your spouse, buddy, co-worker, brother-in-law, and vow to make a difference in the lives of children around you.  Dare to be courageous – it’s not too late.

Courageous opens in select theatres September 30^th.

Resources available

Resources have been created for small group studies and individual resolutions for men as well as women.  Churches are encouraged to hold small groups and continue the process of fathers building stronger families.  You can find these resources and more at http://courageouscanada.ca/resources

Are you a Dad wanting to make a difference in your child’s life? Get more tips:

Creative Parenting
When Parents Break Your Heart
Could you forgive your daughter?
Courageous

Ever have those kind of fantasies? We all do. The problem comes when they don’t stop when you make your marriage vows begin.

I know many married women who would never dream of cheating on their husbands, but at the same time they have a “crush” on some big star–either a sports figure or a celebrity. They have pictures of that man all over their FB page. They have mugs of him. They make constant references to him.

Recently I received this email from a woman exasperated with her friends. She writes:

Can you please tell married women to stop falling all over themselves praising other men? I’m sick of seeing married women talk about how “hunky” some hockey star is, or how “hot” some star is, especially when their husbands are sitting right there.

We’ve told men that we women don’t like it when they talk about how hot other women are, but we turn around and do the same thing! It has to stop.

I completely agree. I think something has happened to our society in the name of “sexual liberation”. In the 1970s, when feminism really got revved up, one of the things that the movement tried to do was to end the idea that women and men were somehow different. And so they started praising women for acting all sex-crazed, just like men. And it became a sign of women’s empowerment to say that a guy was “hot”, or to openly talk to other women about how cute someone was. While men weren’t allowed to do it, women were encouraged to do so.

Women now internalized that, so that we think it’s fun and harmless to idolize hockey players or football players or actors. But it isn’t! Even if your husband says it doesn’t bother him, it’s still wrong. The only one you should have eyes for is your husband.

We women often hear messages against romance novels, because these will wreck your marriage. In addition, I ask married women to, please stop posting about famous men on Facebook.   And to stop buying jerseys of a particular player? And don’t tell your children that you like him, either! Instead, tell your children how much you love and adore their father.

You should be your husband’s biggest fan, not the fan of someone else. It isn’t harmless, even if you’re never going to meet the person in real life. It makes your mind go in the wrong direction, and it tells your husband and your kids that you’re not truly committed to loving only him.

Quite often making small changes in the long run make a BIG difference.

Let us know what you think.

This blog was originally posted on tolovehonorandvacuum.blogspot.com . Used with permission.

Want more romance in your life? 

Romance for Dummies
Want Relationship Intimacy?

Are you one of the 7 million? I was.

As families break up, teens suffer rejection and loneliness. Rejection causes us to replay negative experiences in our minds. Each time we hit rewind and replay the situation our depression deepens. It’s a vicious cycle and a spiritual battle. You and I need God to break any mindset that keeps us trapped in a negative place. But how?

During the time when I was healing from my parents divorce, a minister came up to me and said, “God tells me you are replaying the pain. Stop rehearsing it. Instead fill your heart and mind with what God’s Word says about you.” I knew he was right, so I did as he said. And that was the beginning of a greater liberty in my life. From that day forward, I made a conscious effort to let go of my bitterness.

Finding your place

There is a place of belonging for you beginning today and that place is close to the heart of God. You can experience healing. You can leave the pain of your past behind. You can move into the future, whole and complete in Christ. God did it for me, and He will do it for you.

Maybe your parents divorced, your dad or mom left, one of your parents passed away, or a brother or sister betrayed you. Maybe you have a parent who is serving in the military and you miss them. Perhaps your family is struggling with unemployment; your parent is laid off and out of work. Your parents’ home may have been foreclosed and you wonder when the fighting over money will end. Whatever the root of your rejection has been, you must hold onto hope. You can throw off bitterness and experience healing in your soul.

Habakkuk 3:16-19 shows us that God works in the bad times in our lives. The hard experiences we endure really do make us stronger. Romans 8:28 goes on to say that “in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (NIV)

Restoration is a process. Psalm 30:5 declares, “Weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.” No matter how cutting the pain of darkness is, the light of day always breaks through it.

God goes before you and He is greater than your circumstances. He sees your past, present, and future. He gets you. He stands with arms open. His love can heal your deepest sorrow. He can lift the bitterness you feel and bring liberty that will cause your heart to sing again.

I understand people you love have hurt you. Just remember, you are not rejected and you are not alone. You have a place of shelter, a Heavenly Father, a Christian family, and an eternal home.

Six Rejection Breaking Keys that Show How You B-E-L-O-N-G

B – Begin Starting anything new can be hard. In fact, there’s not much good we can do in our own ability without the Lord. That’s why God wants to be your strength as you begin embracing Him (Psalm 46:1 and II Corinthians 12:9-10).

E – Embracing Here’s where you act upon your faith. To embrace is to accept and welcome God in your life (Acts 16:31 and Romans 5:1). You might ask, “But, how do I embrace God?” Well, you talk to Him just like you talk to your best friend. (At the end of this post, there’s an opportunity for you to experience God’s love through the power of prayer.)

L – Love’s I John 4:16 tells us that “God is love”. Is it possible for people like you and me to know Love’s open arms? You bet it is. Never forget, you are God’s favorite one.

O – Open arms Jesus died on the cross, but He also rose from the grave. We aren’t embracing a dead or made-up deity. Our God is alive. The Holy Spirit enables us to feel His presence and sense His open arms. When we call on the Lord Jesus, He hears us every time (Isaiah 58:9).

N – Never-ending

Isaiah 9:6-7 reassures us that God is forever. He isn’t going to walk out on us. Isaiah says, “For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, and Prince of Peace. Of the greatness of his government and peace there will be no end” (NIV, emphasis added). Did you get that last part? The kingdom of God is never-ending (Psalm 16:8).

G – Grace Favor surrounds you when the God of love is with you. John 1:17 reminds us, “the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ” (NIV). God will transform your life with His grace. He is the lifter of your head. No more rejection, only acceptance in Him.

A Prayer

God can heal your broken heart. Are you ready to pray?

Lord, who is more powerful than you? Who is more able to restore than you? Not anyone! I empty my heart of the rejection I have experienced and I ask you for peace. Will you revive me again? Will you take away the pain?

I believe you will! I will not hang my head low in defeat; I choose in this holy moment to hold onto hope. I lift my head high, knowing that you have created me to be an individual, as unique as the snowflakes outside. Help me to forgive my family. I release my resentment. Bring purity to my life, restore the trust. Heal the brokenness and cause my heart to sing with new joy! Thank you for being my Heavenly Father and for welcoming me into your family and home. I am neither rejected, nor alone because I BELONG to you. I ask all these things in Jesus’ name. Amen.

God hears and answers, so expect His breakthrough in your life. Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (NIV). God is going to do something mighty for you.

Has divorce touched your family? Read our resources to find hope:

Helping children cope with separation and divorce
Entering marriage as a child of divorce
Stopping the cycle of divorce

April 12th, 2009 forced a change in my life.

Change comes suddenly and without warning, often in ways we are not prepared for. A loss of a relationship, job loss, bad news, unwanted circumstances are all outside of our control. The change forces new challenges and opportunities to navigate the road ahead and forge on to allow God to lead us to new destinations.

If you are facing change in your life there are a few keys in making change your friend rather than foe:

1. Allow yourself time to heal emotionally, physically and spiritually from the shock of the unexpected. Making decisions to soon or for the wrong reasons can complicate your situation. The Holy Spirit can heal the brokenness and emptiness and bring wisdom in making decisions about your future.
2. Surround yourself with wise friends who will guide you and provide Godly wisdom. Be open and honest even transparent in the feelings you are experiencing.
3. Accept the fact change is a part of life and understand your setbacks can be followed by comebacks.
4. Know your steps are ordered by God and He has a plan and purpose for your future.
5. Understand that disappointments have meaning. If you separate the word dis from appointment it means cut off or separated from your appointment. Stalling in the land of disappointment will keep you from reaching the great and exciting destination God still has for your life.
6. Postpone major decisions but when you are ready aggressively take action to move ahead. Don’t allow  doubt or fear  to camp in your thinking.
7. Believe that nothing happens that God is not fully aware of and has provision to bring you into a new level of faith and wisdom.

Got change? Whatever change you are facing today God is still in control. The clouds will roll back and the sun will shine again. Change when accepted constructively will become deposits and investments that will become more valuable over time.

Take the Next Step
Coping with Change
Finding Peace in Troubled Times

I remember the day it happened, wondering if the world would ever be the same again.  Ten years later we know that no, it won’t be.  We all remember where we were that morning.  Sujo John was in the north tower, his wife was due at work in the south tower.  Ten years later the memories of that day are still just as clear.  This is his story.

Take the next step:

10 Years later, I’m still waiting for “normal”
Life lessons from 9/11
I lived, now what? Lorraine learns to live with her miracle
Where is God when the world falls apart? Take a lesson.
Are you struggling with loss? We are here to talk to you today.

Recently, several bloggers tackled a highly sensitive and debated topic— the need for women to attend to their beauty and appearance.

A Sensitive Issue for both sexes

Woman’s appearance is a sensitive issue, because from a man’s perspective, a wife’s effort to be beautiful for her husband speaks of her care and respect for him, and communicates her desire to be sexually attractive and available for him. Making a reasonable effort to care for and beautify herself is a demonstration of her devotion. In his view, a lack of effort in this regard demonstrates a lack of concern for him. Bottom line – whether we like it our not, it’s important to our guys.

When it comes to beauty, women react against the burden of expectation, the fear that they will fall short of the desired standard, the inevitability of decay, and the resentment that the script is different for men than it is for women. A woman wants to be loved and accepted as she is. From a wife’s perspective, a husband’s attraction to/desire for beauty can magnify her feelings of personal inadequacy and insecurity, and she may fear that his love/acceptance depends on her ability to measure up.

So who is right? The stalemate in the discussion often boils down to the fact that women resent the fact that men are so attracted to beauty, while men resent the fact that women don’t make the effort to properly attend to it. So how do we resolve the impasse? In my opinion, we can’t hope to make sense of the question until we view woman’s beauty and beautification through the lens of the biblical typology of gender, and the eternal, cosmic meaning of sexuality.

Beauty has a cosmic meaning

Psalm 45 is a song celebrating the marriage of a Hebrew king to a foreign princess. But it’s also a messianic prophecy pointing to the relationship between Christ the King and His Church-Bride. The Psalmist notes that the king “desires her beauty”, and that the princess, in turn, makes herself beautiful—“all-glorious”— for him.

Scripture uses this imagery to illustrate how we are to make ourselves beautiful for our King. The Lord wants us to clothe ourselves in fine, spotless garments of righteousness—in holy character and holy deeds. (Rev. 19:7—8) He wants us to be beautiful, and through Jesus, we are!  The great story of the gospel is that God gives us the opportunity to clothe ourselves in the beauty of Christ. He provides the beauty- and we don’t need to work or strive to measure up, nor do we need fear that we will fail to meet the standard.

So what does all this have to do with our discussion about female appearance? It has a great deal to do with it. We live—as C.S. Lewis coined it—in the “shadow lands.” The earthly, physical realities of our lives are but shadows—copies—of true and heavenly realities (e.g. Heb. 8:5; 9:24-25). The physical and temporal exist to point us to the spiritual and eternal. And nowhere is this more the case than in the relationship between male and female.

Human sexuality is a parable —a testimony to the character of God and to His spectacular plan of redemption through Jesus. This spiritual truth is so magnificent that God chose to put it on display permanently. Everywhere. Men were created to reflect the strength, love and self-sacrifice of Christ. Women were created to reflect the grace and beauty of the Bride He redeemed.

I believe that men are “wired” to be attracted to beauty in women because our Heavenly Bridegroom desires the beauty of His Bride. And I believe that deep down, every woman wants to feel beautiful and desired. This is the way that God has created us as male and female—and the illustration points to something far bigger than ourselves.

Beauty is more than a passing pleasure

Many scorn beauty as “a passing pleasure.” They think that the illusive, fragile, fading, temporary, and wrinkle-and-stretch-mark-prone nature of female beauty indicates that men (and women) should just “get over it” and focus on more important things.

Beauty is indeed a passing pleasure. But I think there’s a deeper meaning here that we dare not trivialize. The symbolic importance of beauty/beautification is not unlike the symbolic importance of marriage. Woman’s beauty, and all the broken, distorted ideas about it, will not so much pass, as give way—in the end—to that to which beauty points. There will be no marriage in heaven because the shadow will give way to the reality. Likewise, the illusive, fading, temporary beauty of women will one day give way to the breathtaking, spectacular, eternal beauty of the Bride of Christ.

The gospel doesn’t negate man’s desire to enjoy beauty and woman’s desire to be beautiful, but it does shift the focus of our attention beyond the symbol to that to which it points. When we consider the jaw-dropping picture painted by Scripture, it would seem that our Lord finds our desire for beauty not too strong, but too weak. We get all wrapped up with the earthly and the superficial and temporal, while the supernatural and eternal is offered us. Like an ignorant tourist who spreads out his towel under the picture of the umbrella on the sign, because he does not know that the sign points to the beach. We are far too easily pleased. (Again, a favorite C. S. Lewis thought)

Embracing beauty

Followers of Christ know that the symbol is not even fractionally as important as the reality. But they understand that it is not totally unimportant either.

So girls, let’s give the guys a break. Let’s stop condemning them for feeling attracted to beauty and wanting us to make a reasonable and sustained effort in that department. And guys… give us a break. Please understand how very personal and painful this issue can be for women. It’s very difficult to stay engaged in fighting a battle we know we are destined to lose. The beauty of our youth will inevitably fade. And most of us don’t have a hope of even remotely resembling the airbrushed model on the cover of the magazine.

In my opinion, the answer to the conundrum surrounding the discussion about female beauty is not to diminish or deny its importance, but to exalt and embrace the all-surpassing beauty to which it points.

Let’s always remember that the whole issue of female beauty is merely a signpost. It’s reminder to all of us—male and female—that the King desires our beauty, and that we ought to carefully attend to our character, and to making ourselves spiritually beautiful for that great destination wedding on the other shore.

Read more about Beauty:

Take our study on Beauty
Beauty: To What Extreme?

This fall my 18 year-old son, my first-born, my newly minted young adult, will be leaving home to start university.

After that there were vacations with his best friend’s family, 2-week ski trips with his French elementary school, excursions to Quebec with his French class, and to Mexico on mission trips, all without me along.  I always knew that my role was to “let go” and encourage him to try his wings so that when the day came for him to become independent, he would be ready.  For years I have been progressively working myself out of a job, or at least gradually changing my job description.

The universal questions

But am I ready?  The distant deadline somehow always approaches far too rapidly. All parents experience this, but does that make it any easier?  Joel Achenbach, in his touching blog post, Last-minute bonding to make up for lost time wrote, “It’s not true that kids grow up fast. What is true is that it seems fast if you’re paying too much attention to other stuff.”  After all the years of reminding our much younger daughter that we had years together ahead of us before Josh left for college, we now find ourselves hurtling toward the day.

I talk to other moms a little ahead of me on this journey, and I realize that I am the Universal Mother asking the Universal Questions.  Will he wake up in the morning and get to class?  Will he eat properly?  Will he so enjoy the taste of freedom that he will forget why he has gone to college?  Will he wash his sheets?  Will he think to call me occasionally, or will I be reduced to reading his Facebook posts to learn that he is off rock climbing?

Then there are the Important Questions.  Will he be safe, going from a small town where we don’t always lock the front door, to living in a big city?  Will he make wise choices about priorities, money, and friends? Will we still enjoy the complicity that now exists between us?   Will he continue to walk with God? Will the new ideas he will be exposed to shake his faith or help him to go deeper still?

I think back to my own departure at 18. Was my mom sad or worried? Probably, but I don’t remember. I was too excited about starting college, growing up, and the anticipation of new friends and new adventures to pay much attention.  And while Josh admitted recently that his excitement is also tinged with a little anxiety, I’m betting that it won’t be long before he is immersed in this new world.

I will miss him terribly, but would I really prefer that he only aspire to stay here, in the safety and security of our home?  The idea behind the movie Failure to Launch is comical, but not so entertaining for real-life parents whose adult son is still living in the basement playing video games. I don’t want him to be too fearful to step out by faith, on his own.  This is exactly the goal I had in mind as I raised him.  I say to myself, often, “This is good and right. This is how it should be.”  I can’t stop him from growing up, and I shouldn’t try either.  But I can prepare him for the day that we say good-bye.  This is ultimately not about me.  It is about him, his future, and his life. I need to let him live it.

Take the next step

Is your family changing?
Are you ready to let go?

Check out the book that Carol featured: Last-minute bonding to make up for lost time by Joel Achenbach

You may be thinking, “Hey wait, these aren’t unique to Christians.” But because of Jesus they are different in our lives. As Christians we know that God pursues us in relationship, it’s not merely us having a one-way conversation with a deity. With love and forgiveness it isn’t so much about our effort as it is allowing Jesus to love and forgive through us.  There is a big difference when we try to do it on our own.

Love

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16 (ESV). God SO loved. He so loved that he gave his only son to die for YOU. You need to remind yourself of this truth daily. He gave you that love to give to others. He continues to give you the love you need to love your spouse, even when you don’t feel it. If you pray for God to give you the love you need, He will answer.  Go ahead try it.

Prayer

FamilyLife recognizes that many Christian couples don’t pray together and if they do they don’t pray about their marriage. Pray together with your spouse. Pray about your marriage. Pray for your spouse. Couples that pray together stay together.  If you talk to God about your spouse, you start to see how God views him or her.

Forgiveness

God forgave us. Just like love, he gave us forgiveness so that we could pass it on to others. We can give our spouse the gift of forgiveness. Through God you can forgive your spouse for their wrong-doings. This is a gift for you and for them. Through forgiveness you can be free from bitterness, guilt and sin. Your spouse can know that even though they hurt you, you won’t hold it against them. You can accept an apology. How would does that feel when your spouse does that for you? Remember, you don’t have to wait for them to start, you can start today!  It is up to you, for you and for your spouse. You will both benefit from this.

You have the tools at your fingertips. These are just a few. Will your marriage be different? Having God at the centre of your marriage, makes all the difference.

Take the Next Step

Forgiveness for your hearts good
Let us pray for you