From Today On Blog
Buried Talent
It was once wisely observed that “Success is not measured by what you are compared to others; success is measured by what you are compared to what you could be.” (Bill Gothard) If you haven’t yet watched the short film “Buried Talent,” please take a look. It illustrates two common problems: One, comparing ourselves to others … and two, being scared or unwilling to fully use the talents that we’ve been given. Have you ever encountered one or both of these obstacles to your success? What do you think about the quote above? Watch Buried Talent now >>
Is there more to you than meets the eyes? Do you want to live your life with Significance? Take our Life Lesson, Living with Significance and let people see who you really are!
What’s the Most Socially Taboo Topic?
What is the most socially taboo subject you can think of? Now imagine that you are dealing with that exact problem. Maybe you don’t have to imagine it, maybe you already are. Since the topic is so taboo though, who can you talk with about it?
Earlier this year we posted about the increasing prevalence of “life coaches.” They fulfill a different subtly different role than therapists or counselors. A life coach is primarily there to listen, and to guide you on your own life journey. You can talk with your life coach about anything that’s on your mind, even things that you’re reluctant to share with a friend or family member.
However there are some problems with traditional life coaches. Life coaches can be expensive. What about those who can’t afford life coaches? And what if there are no life coaches in your area? Often a person’s daily life is just too busy or chaotic to add another item to their overloaded to-do list. (Maybe the problem is that you’re too busy … adding a weekly visit to a life coach may not help that!) There’s also the problem of embarrassment; often problems are difficult to talk about with others face-to-face.
Online life-coaching (also called mentoring) is a way to resolve all these problems. It is:
- Free, absolutely no cost
- Flexible, via email so it’s available anywhere you are and all interactions are at your own pace
- Face-saving, because it happens online your privacy is safe
What would you like to talk with someone about? It doesn’t need to be something “socially taboo,” it could just be a mundane yet important issue like a relationship, your career, or your family life.
Join literally thousands who have engaged in online mentoring relationships! If you’re interested in trying out free online mentoring, contact us today. Remember, it’s always private & confidential. There’s never an obligation to continue once you start, but know that it can make a huge difference in your life!
What Makes You Happy?
As the election results came in this morning I kept thinking of a single line from the Declaration of Independence, you know that part about “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness”? I couldn’t help but wonder who was feeling what this morning.
For some these election results are exactly what they dreamed of, and for others they feel more like a nightmare. One person feels a greater liberty this morning, another feels less free than they did yesterday. I can understand the need to list life and liberty in such an important document but I’ve always wondered why the founding fathers felt the need to list happiness.
On the one hand I can see the importance of happiness, but at the same time a lot of the basics of happiness can be found in life and liberty. So why single out the pursuit of happiness out for special mention? I wonder if they knew that even now all these years later we’d find ourselves pursuing happiness more often than simply enjoying it.
So what makes you happy? For some people it’s their kids and their spouse, it could be work or a favorite hobby, travel, helping others, planning an upcoming wedding. We write books on happiness, take surveys on how happy we are compared to other nations. Advertisers will tell you that happiness is bug business. With all this talk of happiness you’d think it would be commonplace, or at least easier to find.
I saw a video today, Which Path Will You Take? that asked if maybe the reason we have trouble finding happiness is because we’re looking in the wrong place. Watch the video – it’s only five minutes – and see what you think. (The video will load in a new page. You can also access it by clicking the image at the top of this post.)
Where do you look for happiness?
Fear At the Top of the Hill
I looked down the 15 foot rock face that the other guys had just ridden down on their mountain bikes and the sight of it froze me in place. But hey, the other five guys did it so I backed up, approached the steep decline and … froze again, jamming on the brakes. My buddies waited at the bottom and now I added a new fear, would they think less of me if I didn’t ride down this treacherous part of the trail?
In her book Who Switched Off My Brain?, Dr. Caroline Leaf notes that fear triggers more than 1400 known physical and chemical responses and activates more than 30 different hormone and neurotransmitters. Fear is the root of all stress. (DrLeaf.com) Joyce Meyers says that fear causes a stress reaction that marinates the body in toxic chemicals. (Her book Power Thoughts is a fantastic resource.) There is a lot going on when we experience fear. At the top of that hill my neuro-whatevers were marinating my brain pretty well!
You need to believe you can do it
Just before I backed up for the third attempt (attempt #2 ended the same way as attempt #1) I heard one of my buddies yell, “The bike can ride over it, you have to let your mind believe you can do it“.
“Ya right”, I thought. “I know your bikes can do it because they did but they didn’t have me riding them!” But something about what my friend said stuck.
I decided to only put one finger on my brake lever. That way it would slow me down but not stop me when I tried to jam on the brakes. I backed up, pushed off and headed toward my fear with one thought, ‘the bike can do it, let your mind believe you can’. I did try to squeeze the brakes but as I crested the top of the rock face it wasn’t enough and I rolled straight down. That was my last thought. I woke up in the hospital two days later… just kidding! No, I actually rode it! It was amazing. My buddies were cheering and whistling and I felt alive. I rode right into my fear, survived and felt the thrill of the ride.
I reflect back on that day many times when I am facing a fear because of what I learned and experienced. I learned that our minds are powerful and can hold us back or they can brake us free of our present bounds. I learned to feed off the courage of others. I learned that stepping into fear can be exhilarating, and I learned one other tremendous lesson. You see, the next time I rode that trail the steep rock face wasn’t nearly as scary. I learned that each time you step into your fears there is a new found freedom and you have now stretched your boundaries a little more.
My mind is pretty stubborn (at least my friends say that) and I need others to help me walk into my fears. For me I have decided to listen to a certain other voice. God said He hasn’t given me a “spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love and self-discipline” (2 Tim 1:7). It’s a truth I am learning to live by and it is working.
What are you afraid of? Do you have someone encouraging you to face the fear and do it anyway? What fears have you overcome? Respond in the comments below. My story addresses a fear that was physical, but many times we face fears that are emotional or spiritual. We are afraid for our kids, or afraid that we’ll say the wrong thing in a relationship. If you want to learn more about facing your fears, the Bible is an excellent source of wisdom and encouragement. So is prayer. If you are currently facing a fear that seems overwhelming to you and you need someone to talk to we have mentors here that are available to talk to you.
Related:
Secrets: How to Stop Hiding – An online interactive life lesson, receive a personal reply from a mentor
Living Life to the Fullest – Carpe Diem … seize the day!
The World Series & Faith
Tonight, a new World Series champion may be crowned. Either the San Francisco Giants will win their first World Series title in 56 years, or the Texas Rangers will prolong the series, which currently sits at 3-1 in the Giants’ favor. (TSN)
The situation looks bleak for the Texas Rangers right now, but as I read about the series, I thought back to an article on our website about former Arizona Diamondbacks CEO Jerry Colangelo called “Baseball and Miracles“:
During press interviews prior to embarking on the now legendary 2001 World Series against the New York Yankees, Arizona Diamondbacks Chairman and CEO Jerry Colangelo was asked what his prediction was for the outcome of the series. Jerry’s response was immediate. “I don’t predict, but I’ll tell you what I would pray for.”
“What’s that?” The reporters asked.
“That the series goes seven games, that we win at the bottom of the ninth inning in front of our home crowd, that the bases are loaded with two outs and that Gonzo is at the plate.”
Amazingly, seven games later, that’s almost exactly what did happen.
I wondered how the players on losing teams cope with loss. On one hand, they are professionals and know that they will often face tough loses in their careers. But on the other, any such loss (especially one so public) must sting.
Do any of the current World Series participants have a personal faith which impacts their lives? An article title “MLB World Series Players Testify of God’s Grace” reveals that many on both teams do. Brian Wilson (not the Beach Boys singer, the Giants pitcher) of whom fans have adopted the the battle cry “Fear the Beard” referring to his iconic black beard, said he used to criticize Christianity before coming to know God, while Josh Hamilton (Rangers’ outfielder) said that “God is so faithful through the good times that you don’t forget Him in the bad times.” Clearly it is his faith that will sustain him, even if it turns out that the Rangers can’t overcome adversity and win the series.
Related reading:
Heroism: We All Want Someone to Believe In
Dealing with Disappointment: When things go wrong
Life After Death at Halloween
One of humanity’s quirks is that people actually like to be scared. At least, pretend scared. Kids (and often adults) dress up as ghouls, ghosts, pirates, and their favorite costumed superheros and villains and run around from house to house shouting “Trick of Treat!” and demanding candy.
I’ve always thought Halloween is one of the weirdest holidays: Think how confusing it must be for people who are not from North America, especially if no one has told them about the tradition beforehand! And just imagine how strange it would be if this holiday attempted to be introduced today: “We’ll have all the kids put on costumes and go to all the neighbor’s houses (ie, strangers’ houses) and accept food from them.” In every other instance we’ve told them to never accept candy from strangers, but apparently once a year it’s prefectly okay … but only when you’re dressed up as Spiderman! What a strange tradition!
And going back to people actually enjoying being (pretend) scared, why else would Halloween inspired haunted houses be a booming industry which generate hundreds of millions of dollars each year? My guess is that people enjoy the excitement and the adrenaline rush of the experience while at the same time knowing in the back of their minds that they are safe and in no real danger.
Real death, however, when it stares us in the face, is (or should be) scary. A recent video added to the new iTV videos area of our website titled simply “Life After Death” dramatizes what is a fairly common experience: a “near death experience” (NDE).
Most NDEs are at least potentially explainable in medical terms. However, some such NDEs, termed “evidential NDEs”, are not so easily dismissed. Dr Gary Habermas has extensively researched NDE claims, and gives one example of such an evidenced case in his article “Near Death Experiences: Evidence for an Afterlife?“:
One well-documented case involved a little girl who had very nearly drowned, and who did not register a pulse for 19 minutes. Her emergency room physician, pediatrician Melvin Morse, states that he “stood over Katie’s lifeless body in the intensive care unit.” An emergency CAT scan indicated that Katie had massive brain swelling, no gag reflex, and was “profoundly comatose.” Morse notes that, “When I first saw her, her pupils were fixed and dilated, meaning that irreversible brain damage had most likely occurred.” Her breathing was done by an artificial lung machine. She was given very little chance of surviving.
But then, just three days later, Katie unexpectedly made a full recovery. In fact, when she revived, she reproduced an amazing wealth of information regarding the emergency room, specific details of her resuscitation, along with physical descriptions of the two physicians who worked on her. All this occurred while she was completely comatose and most likely without any brain function whatsoever. As Morse recounts, “a child with Katie’s symptoms should have the absence of any brain function and therefore should comprehend nothing.”
It took her almost an hour to recall all the recent details. However, part of the story made no sense in usual medical terms. Katie related that during her comatose state, she was visited by an angel named Elizabeth, who allowed her to look in on her family at home. Katie correctly reported very specific details concerning what her siblings were doing, even identifying a popular rock song that her sister listened to, watched her father, and then observed as her mom cooked a meal that she correctly identified: roast chicken and rice. She described the clothing and positions of her family members. Later, she shocked her parents by telling them these details that had occurred only a few days before. (Full article)
What do you think about the Life After Death video? Do you think it’s possible that a person’s existence does not end upon their death? If that’s the case, how could we know what lies beyond? It seems like the only way would be if someone actually died and returned to tell us, not just “almost died” like in a near-death experience.
Alcoholism & Family
“Alcoholism has an effect on everybody around the person suffering from it. This is especially true for a family.” says William Belle in the Ole! Times. In his article, which recounts his own struggle with alcoholism and (for the moment) sobriety, he provides statistics about how pervasive the problem is:
According to a 2002 survey conducted by the U. S. National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, there are 18 million American adults who abuse alcohol or are alcohol dependent which works out to be approximately 6% of the population. In Canada, the 2002 Canadian Community Health Survey reported 2.6% of the population with an alcohol addiction.
More pertinent your own family, “Alcoholism statistics tell us that about 43% of US adults or 76 million people have been exposed to alcohol dependence in the family. They grew up with or married a compulsive drinker or had a blood relative who was a problem drinker.”
Mike Woodard was one of the many people who grew up in homes with an alcoholic parent. Or in his case, both parents. In his article he explains how “My parents, both drunk, were having a fight. My father pushed my mother with enough force that she broke her pelvis and ended up in the hospital. This was one of many crazy memories of that I have of my family.” His experiences growing up led him to not only harbor resentment to his own father, but also to people outside of his family. As he says: “when there are significant unresolved issues in the family, it will affect all our other relationships.”
Mike was able to overcome his family relationship issues by taking to heart some advice he got from a friend while at university. “Somehow, dealing with the relationship with my dad set me free,” he says, “and taught me lessons the have made other important relationships better.”
Have you witnessed the fallout from alcohol abuse, either in your own family or with someone you know? Have you been able to escape the legacy of alcoholic parents, or are you currently struggling with such issues? If you feel like you need someone to talk to, please contact us to be matched with an email mentor.
Telling Our Own Stories
I am still trying to decide if identity is a solid, sure thing or if it changes. Do we become different versions of ourselves over time, or does time give us the wisdom to accept who we were all along? Are the new versions simply deeper levels of self acceptance?
I was reading a friend’s blog the other day and she recounted a story that sounded so familiar. Has this happened to you? She writes:
I own a genuine leather coat–one I bought at Value Village 12 years ago or so. I went back and forth on my decision. The coat just wasn’t me. I waffled; it wasn’t me, yet it called to me. This coat was something I wanted to be, and so I bought it.
The coat sat in my closet for months, but came along with me on my move. When my roommate, Karen, suggested a trip to a local coffee and dessert lounge, I pulled out the coat. And somehow, in this new environment, I’d changed, and become the girl I’d wanted to be–the one who wore this leather coat.
There are times when we know that more is coming, it’s just not quite here yet. “Who am I?” is one of the great questions of human life. One of my favorite thoughts on identity comes from the Drew Barrymore movie Never Been Kissed. Toward the end of the story when all has been revealed she charges her classmates, “Find out who you are and try not to be afraid of it.” I think that’s the secret right there. If we can make peace with who we are – celebrate the good, work on parts that need improvement – there’s a lot of happiness in that.
I wonder if we confuse our sense of identity by getting lost in the details? I am not what has happened to me. That’s my past, not my identity. I am not where I come from, or even the things that I’ve done. Those are all part of my story, but they are not who I am. At the most fundamental core of myself, I am a person created, loved, skilled, and flawed. I believe that God has a plan for my life. I believe he has one for yours too. You can read my story to see how I made peace with myself.
Who do you want to be when you grow up? When I went away to university my Mom told me that I was entering a time in my life when I would choose who I wanted to be. She was partially right. Yes, there is an intense time of self discovery in those years, but like so many things, it doesn’t end on graduation day. Uncovering ourselves, learning our own story is a life long journey. The skill is in learning to like what you find out, and being brave enough to challenge the parts that you don’t.
If you’re ready to go on a journey of self discovery try our free, guided life lesson “What’s in Your Bag? Learning to define yourself”. You’ll be matched with a study coach who will walk with you as you learn.
Escaping your Legacy
Have you been able to escape your family legacy? Should we even want to or try to? As much as we seek to become independent people and become individuals apart from our parents, to some extent we all struggle with our family legacy.
For example, Frank Zappa was a rock musician, and one of the most talented and influential of the 60′s, 70′s and 80′s. He was the father of four children: Moon Unit, Dweezil, Ahmet, and Diva. Besides the relatively uncommon last name Zappa, you’d think it’d be rather difficult for children with such unusual names to escape the legacy of their famous father. In fact, all four have been involved in the music business to some degree as performers.
This isn’t necessarily a good or a bad thing. Often children want to follow in their parents’ footsteps, and there’s nothing wrong with that. In a way it would be an ideal situation, since the parents could act like mentors to their children in their careers.
However the parental situations we face are often less than ideal. Kelita Haverland is one example. Although she is now a successful singer, her father was a closet alcoholic and suffered from depression. She tells her story in an article called “Power to Change” which we hope will encourage anyone who is struggling to overcome their legacy.
What is the legacy left to you by your parents? If positive, have you sought to embrace it, or do you prefer to head in your own direction? And if it has been negative, how have you tried to overcome it? If you would like to speak with someone privately about it, please contact a mentor today to talk via email; it’s free and confidential.
Upcoming online chats: Join us for daily online chats! One of our features will be “Relationships and Identity” on October 19 at 12:15 pm EDT Please join us to discuss how you identify your self and how that effects your relationships
What Do You Believe?
It starts with a series of words and the simple question, “Positive or negative?” Words like family, spirituality, work, religion, Jesus, Buddha, prayer. Positive or negative, what is your experience? What is your story? In Crave: The Documentary author Erwin McManus interviewed people from all walks of life looking for the stories that connect us all together. What he found might surprise you. Come see for yourself. Go to the site to watch the movie now.
What role do our deepest human cravings for intimacy, destiny, and meaning play in our search for God? Crave: The Documentary explores how regardless of race, background, or spirituality, we all have one thing in common: the cravings of our soul.
Filmed in Vancouver, BC, Crave features intimate interviews with people young and old from all different walks of life. They are articulate and breathtakingly honest. What they have to say about life’s biggest questions may surprise you. You may never look at people the same way again.
Explore destiny, intimacy and meaning further, try our free study series Soul Cravings, or contact us to talk about it. There is also an abridged version of the book, Soul Cravings: Prequel available at our store.
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What Do You Fear?
What do you fear, and why? Is it holding you back from realizing your full potential?
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- Jamie said: So how do you deal with that fear Evangeline?
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