From Today On Blog
Cutting: A cry for help
When I was in high school I knew kids who drank heavily. I knew about kids who took drugs and in my Grade 9 year someone committed suicide. But I did not know any students who cut themselves. Fast forward to 2010 and ask my niece about cutting in her high school and she’ll tell you in a quiet voice, “I know a lot of kids who do that.”
Teens and young adults have always walked a treacherous road of new experiences, changing hormones and very little experience. It is often overwhelming, sometimes for a few days, sometimes for a few years. I can only imagine what it’s like to be a teen now with your whole life on Facebook, open and vulnerable to the world. Everyone finds a different way to deal with the pain, some that are healthy, many that not. More and more teens are turning to cutting.
When I first saw Dena Yohe’s article “Understanding Cutting” my first response was, “I don’t want to know.” Cutting is a painful reality and I didn’t want to think about these beautiful kids taking a blade to their own body. I didn’t want to think about a line of blood and a scar forever. But I’m the grown-up now, which means I should not turn away. Where possible I need to educate myself so that if I’m ever faced with this situation I can help.
Yohe’s article is excellent primer for anyone who knows someone who is cutting or may know someone in the future. Mistakenly I thought cutting was a dark obsession, like a love of horror movies taken too far. But that’s not it at all. As Yohe explains, “People cut to deal with difficult problems or feelings they cannot verbally express.” Cutting is a cry for help.
Her advice on how to help is clear and straight forward. She writes:
If you have suspicions, go ahead and ask them about it. Friends with cutting problems are often glad to be able talk about it. If you bring it up and this person isn’t self-injuring, it won’t start just because you said something about it. If they leave their wounds uncovered so that you can see them, they want you to ask them about it. Offer options but don’t tell your friend what to do. If someone’s using cutting or some other kind of self-injury as a way to feel in control, it won’t help if you try to take control of the situation. Helping someone see ways to get help – like talking to a parent, pastor, teacher, school counselor or mental health professional- may be the best thing you can do.
If you or someone you know is struggling, we have mentors available 24/7 who can help. Just use this form to send in your question and a mentor will email you back, usually in just a couple of days. If you’d like to learn more about healthy ways to deal with anxiety try our free Life Lesson: Dealing with Anxiety.
Help for when School Sucks
Approximately one in three American college students drops out. That’s a scary statistic, and you’re likely hoping that you won’t become one of those unfortunate ones who end up leaving school before completing your degree.
By now, you’ve been at college/university for a few weeks. Maybe a trip or two back home, maybe not. Whether it’s your first year or your “final” year (hopefully this year will be the year!) sometimes school sucks.
And it’s not always the classes. I’d wager that a large part of the struggles people face at school have nothing to do with academics. Loneliness, depression, uncertainty, lack of direction … these distractions can cast their shadow over any academic success you can hope to achieve. If you feel like you just need someone to talk with about it, but aren’t sure your new friends (or old friends) will really understand, feel free to contact an online mentor to talk about it; it’s free and confidential, and they will reply to you in the next few days.
In the meantime, in the interest of helping you adjust to your new life at school, here are some articles that we hope will be helpful:
FROSH: Freshmen Survival Tips – Here are the top 10 survival tips for frosh; “Survival Advice for Life”
STRESS: 10 Ways to Manage Stress in College – Feeling stressed?!?! Some amount of stress during college will be unavoidable, but here are some ways to manage it better.
LONELINESS: How to Meet People in University: Conquering Loneliness – Tyrone, a Queens University student who says he’s “really shy when it comes to meeting people” explains some ways to conquer loneliness
SUCCESS: Get through Life Without Really Trying – Economics professor Douglas Allen of Simon Fraser University reveals his “secrets of success”
BELIEFS: What do you Believe, and Why? – University is a time to rethink our beliefs and determine if they cohere with reality. Maybe some of your struggles are the result of an inaccurate worldview?
Let us know how your university experience is going so far: Good or bad. What have you found unexpectedly wonderful? Surprisingly terrible? Enlightening? Disappointing? Let us know!
Hidden in Plain Sight
You’ve probably seen it dozens, if not hundreds of times: The FedEx® logo. Designed in 1994 by Lindon Leader of Leader Creative, the simple design has become a fixture of the world of business and commerce worldwide.
But have you ever noticed it’s hidden message? If you’ve seen it before, it’ll be easy to spot. If not, it’ll be tougher! Take a closer look:
Did you spot it? Click on the FedEx logo image above (or here) to reveal it’s secret!
Sometimes things can be hidden in plain sight. It’s not like the symbol sudden appeared when you first realized it’s there; it was there all along. And it’s not there by accident, either. The designer consciously chose to put it there. In fact, he needed to design a new font in order to clearly convey his vision for the design. He intended it to convey information, even if not everyone sees it right away: It was meant to symbolize speed and efficiency.
Similarly, a recent article on our site, “Is it Possible?“ asks the question: Is it possible that you’ve been missing things in your life? Things that are “in plain sight” but have remained elusive, if only because you have never realized they are there? It’s a question worth asking! Take a look at the article, consider exploring the next steps listed, and let us know what you think.
Parting the Red Sea: With Science?
Scientists in the US are working to confirm the plausibility of the circumstances described a story written over 3000 years ago.
The biblical Old Testament book of Exodus describes an event that is often familiar to people even if they have never opened a Bible: Moses parting the Red Sea. Or rather, God doing so. In the account, “Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, and all that night the LORD drove the sea back with a strong east wind and turned it into dry land. The waters were divided, and the Israelites went through the sea on dry ground, with a wall of water on their right and on their left.”
Scientists at the US National Center for Atmospheric Research are trying to discover if such an event could have occurred via known environmental phenomena:
New computer simulations have shown how the parting of the Red Sea, as described in the Bible, could have been a phenomenon caused by strong winds. Simulations by US scientists show how the movement of wind could have opened up a land bridge at one location. This would have enabled people to walk across exposed mud flats to safety. The researchers show that a strong east wind, blowing overnight, could have pushed water back at a bend where an ancient river is believed to have merged with a coastal lagoon. (BBC News)
The idea itself is not new. I first heard about the theory in a book called The Miracles of Exodus by Sir Colin Humphreys, a professor of physics at Cambridge University. Humphreys argued something similar in this book, although in his book he argues that God used naturally occurring phenomena to accomplish the feats described … miracles of timing perhaps?
There is no way to scientifically prove or disprove what is said to occur in the ancient text. The potentiality for such a thing to occur via natural means is testable; however it is beyond the purview of scientific study to prove the historicity (or not) of a historical event. It does raise the question of the relationship between science and religion, as explored by our recent article “Science & Religion: Competitors or Companions?”
How do you see the relationship between science and religion? Are you interested in this sort of research, or do you see it as a waste of time? Is religion and/or faith a significant part of your life? Why or why not?
Other related reading:
My Search for Truth – The story of how astrophysicist Hugh Ross found faith
Can You Be an Atheist & an Environmentalist – Sure you can, but why?
Is it Possible? – Maybe you’ve never experienced the parting of a sea, but could it be that God has nevertheless been at work in your life all along?
Top 10 “Unanswerable” Questions
Which question would you most like to find an answer to? According to search engine Ask.com (formerly known as Ask Jeeves, which is still its moniker in the UK) the following are the top ten “unanswerable” questions:
1. What is the meaning of life?
2. Is there a God?
3. Do blondes have more fun?
4. What is the best diet?
5. Is there anybody out there?
6. Who is the most famous person in the world?
7. What is love?
8. What is the secret to happiness?
9. Did Tony Soprano die?
10. How long will I live?
The BBC reports that the list is based on approximately 1.1 billion searches made since the site opened in 2000.
Were there any questions on the list that surprised you?
I was surprised to see that “Do blondes have more fun?” was number three on the list. I wasn’t aware that it was such a contentious issue! A brief search revealed a 2003 ABC News report on this momentous (*cough*) question. It mentions that “a user survey of both sexes late last year confirmed that 55 percent agree with the old adage that blondes have more fun.” Good to know …
Not all the questions are so trivial though. Many speak to our soul cravings, the innate desires that we all share. “What is love?” and “What is the secret to happiness?” fall into this category, as well as “What is the meaning of life?”. We all crave meaning in life, so it’s not surprising that meaning tops the list of supposed unanswerable questions.
But what makes a question truly unanswerable? When are answers unknowable? Is it when something cannot be proven with 100% certainty? Then most of what we believe is unknowable. Take number 5 for example: “Is there anybody out there?” Restated slightly, this question could be asked in this way: “Do other minds exist?” Now, everyone believes that other minds exist. In theory you could be “in the Matrix” but no one actually believes that or lives their life that way. Even though it’s ultimately unprovable, we are right to believe that other minds actually do exist and we are not alone.
Question number 2 is a contentious one for sure: “Is there a God?” Recent books like “The God Delusion” and “God is not Great” have brought the issue to the foreground in contemporary society, causing others to respond with works like “The Dawkins Delusion?” and “The Dawkins Letters“.
Do these disagreements mean the question of God is unanswerable? I don’t think so, because we all have an answer to the God question. Your answer may be “yes” or “no” or “I’m not sure” or “I don’t care” but everyone has an answer. The question is, which answer is correct? There are in fact reasons to believe God exists, what will your answer be?
Another question that is tough to answer is number 6: “Who is the most famous person in the world?” It may be contentious to say, but I think the answer is Jesus. The Bible which tells Jesus’ story has been translated into 5000 or more languages (more than any other book) and the Bible Society in the UK estimates six billion copies had been printed by 1992. He has arguably had more impact on world history than any other person.
What makes Jesus so compelling? Jesus was unique in many ways, but the easiest way to explain his compelling nature is his identity. He claimed something amazing: To be God in the flesh. But Jesus didn’t just make the claim to be God: He backed it up. He proved his claim with a flawless life, amazing miracles, and stunning preaching. The crowds who gathered to see him cried out “Nothing like this has ever been seen!” and even the guards who were told to seize him exclaimed “No one ever spoke the way this man does.”
One of his claims was to forgive other peoples’ sins. This would be the height of arrogance for most people, but if Jesus was who he said he was, it would not only be entirely appropriate, it would be very good news for us. If we are honest with ourselves, we know that we do things that are wrong. There is no amount of good works that can cancel these things out; we can’t pull ourselves out of the quicksand by our own power. We need someone with a rope to pull us out. Jesus did that and more: He also took the punishment that we deserve on the cross, so that we can be forgiven. The only thing that can prevent us starting a renewed relationship with God through Jesus is our refusal. (Explore more about who Jesus is here.)
You can begin a personal relationship with Jesus right now by faith through prayer.
Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. Here’s a suggested prayer:
Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. I want to make you the “most important thing” in my life. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Savior and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of person you want me to be.
Does this prayer express the desire of your heart? You can pray it right now, and Jesus Christ will come into your life, just as He promised.
Is this the life for you?
If you invited Christ into your life, thank God often that He is in your life, that He will never leave you and that you have eternal life. As you learn more about your relationship with God, and how much He loves you, you’ll experience life to the fullest.
Watch The Other Six Days video. Explore what this video means to you through “The Other Six Days” interactive online study.
Growing up … eventually
Why are so many people in their 20s taking so long to grow up?
That’s the question an article in the New York Times recently asked. It seems that it’s taking people longer to grow up. Psychologists have even come up with a new term for it: “emerging adulthood.”
It’s happening all over, in all sorts of families, not just young people moving back home but also young people taking longer to reach adulthood overall. It’s a development that predates the current economic doldrums, and no one knows yet what the impact will be … The traditional cycle seems to have gone off course, as young people remain untethered to romantic partners or to permanent homes, going back to school for lack of better options, traveling, avoiding commitments … forestalling the beginning of adult life.
A more concrete example of this phenomenon is the median age to when people get married, which rose substantially: “The median age at first marriage in the early 1970s, when the baby boomers were young, was 21 for women and 23 for men; by 2009 it had climbed to 26 for women and 28 for men, five years in a little more than a generation.” Personally, although I attended five friends’ weddings this year, many of my friends in their late 20′s are not married, and some of them seem to have little inclination to get married anytime soon. Is this a good thing, a bad thing, or something that is entirely culturally benign?
I read a book recently which hypothesized that one reason many people today have difficulty making decisions is that we have too many viable options. Back in my grandparents’ or great-grandparents’ time, they had much fewer choices available to them regarding school, job, and potential mates. This of course gave them less selection but it made choosing an awful lot easier. Could this be one of the main reasons that people hesitate so long before entering into long-term commitments: An embarrassment of riches of choice leaves us partially paralyzed?
As I idly ponder returning to school to earn a second master’s degree, I know that I’m not immune to this phenomenon myself. Sure I’ve moved out of my parents’ house, but with no marriage or children in sight anytime soon, I know that I meet several of the criteria described.
Do you find it difficult to make life choices? Are you stymied by several options, all of which seem equally good (or equally unappealing)? Here are some resources that might help:
- Who are you and Where are you Going?: Ever stared at the person you see in the mirror and wondered how you got to where you are?
- Lessons in Decision Making (from BAD decisions): Learn from the bad decisions of one of history’s great leaders to make better decisions yourself.
- Redefining Success: Maybe it’s chasing after the wrong goals that’s the trouble, and it’s time to decide to strive for something better!
And let us know your thoughts, whether you’re a 20-something who’s back at your childhood home (again?) or a parent who loves having their child at home but is slowing growing concerned that they may never strike out on their own! You can also talk with a mentor about it privately if you’d prefer.
Seeking 9/11 Reconciliation
When both US president Barack Obama and Catholic Pope Benedict XVI advise you that your plans are a bad idea, that’s usually a good sign that you should think twice about what you’re doing.
Terry Jones would be well advised to listen to their advice. His tiny 30 member group, ironically named the “Dove World Outreach Church” in Gainesville, Florida, plans to burn copies of the Qur’an on the anniversary of September 11:
Jones has said he sees Koran-burning as a way of confronting Islamist terrorism. But his plans have been widely condemned by U.S. religious, political and military leaders, who say it is jeopardizing the security of U.S. military personnel abroad.
“I just want him to understand that this stunt that he is talking about pulling could greatly endanger our young men and women in uniform who are in Iraq, who are in Afghanistan,” Obama said on “Good Morning America.” (Reuters Canada)
In addition to president Obama and the Pope, condemnations of the actions have rained down worldwide. Interpol warned of “tragic consequences” that “may well claim the lives of many innocent people.” The World Council of Churches, which represents 349 Christian denominations, stated that the call to burn Qur’ans “has been firmly rejected and condemned by the WCC and its member churches.” France’s Ministry of Foreign Affairs said that France condemns “in the strongest terms the vicious and irresponsible statements of Pastor Terry Jones.” Former presidential and vice-presidential candidates John McCain and Sarah Palin also condemned the planned action.
His actions, if they do decide to carry through as planned, will endanger American troops abroad as well as Christians living in predominantly Muslim countries. It’s sad that this pastor cannot see the pervasive negative impact of his actions. On the eve of the anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist attacks, the last thing the world needs is more insensitivity … and literally fanning the flames of hatred.
As we remember the events of that infamous day, nine years ago, we would do well to reflect on our own reactions to it. The article “9/11 and You” was written by a man whose sister had a 9:00am appointment at the World Trade Center … on September 12. He struggled with anger regarding the attacks and how his sister would likely have been killed if her appointment was one day earlier, and explains what he learned from his meditations. It’s worthwhile reading for us all.
Other stories for reflection stemming from 9/11:
Remembering September 11th – On September 11, 2001 I said my first prayer. My son was a police officer with the New York Police Department.
The Call That Shook My World – The sense of loss that morning was overwhelming, both the shared loss and my personal loss.
Upcoming online chats: Join us for daily online chats! One of our features will be “Pattern for Restoration” on September 12 at 9:00 pm EDT Please join us to discuss how you can change patterns in your life from destructive to restortive.
Trying to Answer the Why?
We’ve all asked “why?” at some point or another. Chris Keith has been asking why for most of his life.
He was 12 years old when his grandparents decided he was old enough to know the truth. His whole family – his parents and his older brother Mikey – did not die in a car accident as he has been told. The were the victims of a murder-suicide at the hands of Chris’ Dad. Chris learned that his father had shot him point blank in the head as well, that paramedics had declared him dead as well until somehow he moved a little and they realized he was still alive.
Chris is left with a lifetime of whys. Why did his father do this? Why did his Mom take a violent drunk back into her life again and again? Why did Chris survive while his brother died? Why wasn’t it the other way around?
Learning to live with “why?”
Years of therapy, a strong faith and the love of his grandparents have helped Chris as he walks through his own story, but nothing is ever going to make what happened okay. In a recent article for CNN Chris describes laying awake at night during his high school years, “just thinking”.
Philosophers, pastors and cynics have all tried to answer the question why, but few of them have had to live it as Chris has. The search for meaning, the longing for life to have a purpose and a direction is common to all of us. We want to belong, we want our lives to count. We need it. Our very souls crave it.
In his book Soul Cravings Erwin McManus discusses his own search for the answers to these very questions. He writes, “Our souls crave to know the truth, and we need to pursue it at all cost. Whatever the implication, whatever it takes us, we must search for meaning, strive for understanding, struggle to make sense of life, never give up on the belief that the truth is out there.”
If you find yourself asking the same questions and want to learn more about the search for intimacy, destiny and meaning join us for a special chat series on Soul Cravings Monday nights at 9pm EST. The series starts on August 30th and runs every Monday until September 27.
How do you answer the whys in your own life?
Thanks, But No
It’s hard to resist the siren call of a friend request on Facebook. Sure it’s a little childish, but who doesn’t want the world to know they have one more friend? It’s harmless enough until you realize you’d rather not have the guy who teased you mercilessly in grade 8 looking at your family’s beach vacation pics. How do you unfriend someone gracefully in a digital age where simply screening their calls won’t cut it anymore?
The easiest way to avoid uncomfortable unfriending situations is to be a little more choosy about who you friend in the first place. An ounce of prevention is still worth a pound of cure. Think about the kind of things you post on your Facebook account. Are these things you would talk to this person about over coffee? If not, you might want to decline that request.
It’s also important to think about the other people on your list. My 19 year old niece and her 15 year old sister are friends of mine on Facebook. They’re going to assume that anyone on their Aunt’s list is a safe person, so that guy from way back who’s great but tells off color jokes sometimes? I declined his request. It’s turned out to be a really great filter. Anyone I wouldn’t feel comfortable talking to my nieces is probably not someone I need in my life either.
So what happens once the damage has been done and you need to unfriend? Go ahead and hit the button, guilt free. As Brenna Ehrlich and Andrea Bartz, columnists for CNN.com wrote in a recent post, unfriending is healthy:
According to Christopher Sibona, who penned Unfriending on Facebook: Friend Request and Online/Offline Behavior Analysis, a paper he’ll be presenting at the Hawaii International Conference on System Sciences, 50 percent of people who have unfriended someone saw the person in question zero times in the past year.
If your former friend has no impact on your current life, and you don’t foresee yourself getting the band back together, why keep him in your cyber stable?
If they’re not in your life, they don’t need to be in your online life either. Think of it like cleaning out your closet. You’re never going to wear that sweater again, so why are you letting it take up space?
If the person is someone you have almost no contact with they probably won’t even notice that they’ve dropped off your list. If you do have someone who used to be close that you no longer want in your life, be a grown-up. Hit the button, or if that feels too harsh, send them a private message on Facebook and then hit the button. I’ve had to do that once and yes, it felt like breaking up, but it really was for the best.
Social networking sites are supposed to be fun. Keep your list pared down to the people you actually want to talk to and you’ll find it’s less stressful and a lot more enjoyable.
Looking to add some three dimensional friends to your life? Try our free life lesson Finding Mentors, Making Friends for great practical advice on how to meet like minded people no matter which phase of life you find yourself in.
How do you deal with breaking ties online?
Top 10 Back-to-School Resources
It’s back-to-school time … what, already?!
Yup, and whether you’re heading to university for the first time or coming back for your final year, you should be able to find an article here that will help you have a more enjoyable and productive school year.
From high school to grad school, there’s something here for everyone:
1) Decorating: Cheap Dorm Room Decorating Ideas
Make your dorm room feel like home without breaking the bank.
2) Newbies: Advice to Freshmen (First Year) Students
Don’t want to flunk first year? Here’s some good advice for first year students.
3) Dating: Fun and Affordable Date Ideas
Fun stuff you can do that you can pay for with what’s in your pocket right now.
4) Finances: How to Build Credit as a College Student
Build solid credit while avoiding the many dangers and perils of credit cards.
5) Studying: 10 Tips to Effective & Active Listening Skills
Stop falling asleep in those lectures and actually learn something!
6) Philosophy: Have you Ever Thought about the Beginning of the World?
University is a time to explore the “big questions” of life for yourself.
7) Food: Basic Recipes All Students Should Know
Ramen noodles don’t need to be your daily staple diet!
8) Community: Tolerance and Truth: Two important Virtues
Balancing these two ideals will be important for university success.
9) Love: What is True Love?
One of the most popular articles on the website: How do you define “true love”?
10) Freedom: What is True Freedom?
Is real freedom merely a lack of restraints? Or is it something much more important?
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