In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved, and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders Fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders Fields.

The In Flanders Fields poem was written by Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae on May 3 1915. He wrote it after witnessing the death of his friend on the battlefield the day before. It is a solemn reminder of the atrocities of war and an admonishment to steadfastly remain vigilant even when faced with terrifying adversity.

On this day we honor those who bravely fought for freedom and justice, and many of whom bravely gave their lives for the noble cause. It goes by different names in different places, including Remembrance Day, Veteran’s Day, Poppy Day, and Armistice Day, but the sentiment is the same: Not to glorify the tragedy of war, but to commemorate the valor of those who fought to defend their country.

Brigadier General (ret.) Robinson Risner, a veteran pilot who fought in World War 2, the Korean War and the Vietnam War, is one of those brave military soldiers who we should remember today. Despite being shot down twice over enemy territory, and being captured and tortured, each time it happened he wasted no time taking to the skies again, ready to serve his country. Read his story: Enduring Torture in a POW Camp

Please feel free to share your own stories of remembrance or commemoration in the comments below. If you feel the need to speak with someone in private, our online mentors are always available to listen.

We’ve all asked “why?” at some point or another.  Chris Keith has been asking why for most of his life.

He was 12 years old when his grandparents decided he was old enough to know the truth.  His whole family – his parents and his older brother Mikey – did not die in a car accident as he has been told.  The were the victims of a murder-suicide at the hands of Chris’ Dad.   Chris learned that his father had shot him point blank in the head as well, that paramedics had declared him dead as well until somehow he moved a little and they realized he was still alive.

Chris is left with a lifetime of whys.  Why did his father do this? Why did his Mom take a violent drunk back into her life again and again? Why did Chris survive while his brother died? Why wasn’t it the other way around?

Learning to live with “why?”

Years of therapy, a strong faith and the love of his grandparents have helped Chris as he walks through his own story, but nothing is ever going to make what happened okay.  In a recent article for CNN Chris describes laying awake at night during his high school years, “just thinking”.

Philosophers, pastors and cynics have all tried to answer the question why, but few of them have had to live it as Chris has.  The search for meaning, the longing for life to have a purpose and a direction is common to all of us.  We want to belong, we want our lives to count.  We need it.  Our very souls crave it.

In his book Soul Cravings Erwin McManus discusses his own search for the answers to these very questions.   He writes, “Our souls crave to know the truth, and we need to pursue it at all cost. Whatever the implication, whatever it takes us, we must search for meaning, strive for understanding, struggle to make sense of life, never give up on the belief that the truth is out there.”

If you find yourself asking the same questions and want to learn more about the search for intimacy, destiny and meaning join us for a special chat series on Soul Cravings Monday nights at 9pm EST. The series starts on August 30th and runs every Monday until September 27.

How do you answer the whys in your own life?

Too often people are tempted to put a band-aid on a problem instead of really fixing it.

The Bloor Viaduct suicide barrier, a $6-million feat of engineering that managed to marry heritage preservation and life preservation, has eliminated suicides from a bridge that became notorious for them.

But it hasn’t stopped people from jumping to their death: They’re just using other locations.

A study to be published in the British Medical Journal Wednesday found that although the barrier stopped people from jumping from the Bloor Viaduct, it didn’t lower rates of suicide overall, and it didn’t lower the number of suicides by jumping.

These are sad statistics. I can understand the rationale for the barriers: There were many people jumping to their deaths from the bridge, so barriers were installed to prevent people from doing that. Unfortunately that doesn’t treat the root cause of the problem, it merely attempts to prevent the outward actions associated with it. Those who were serious enough about their intentions that they wanted to end their life weren’t deterred by the barriers, because it didn’t address their problem.

The “treat the symptoms” approach often unintentionally speaks a lack of caring for the individual. “We don’t care if you’re still hurting,” it seems to say, “just don’t do anything that bothers us anymore.” Instead of paying $6million to install suicide barriers, wouldn’t that money have been better spent analyzing the reasons that people were driven to take their own lives, and attempting to address those problems?

If you have been going through difficult times, the problem won’t go away by merely addressing the symptoms. If you’d like to speak with someone privately about what you’ve been going through and get to the heart of the matter, contact a mentor today privately & confidentially, to talk about it.

If you have been having suicidal thoughts lately, there is help and hope available. Here is a list of suicide help contact numbers that you can call immediately. There is also the personal story of someone who became suicidal but was able to overcome her battle here that you may find helpful.

I don’t know what’s been going on in your hometown lately, but here in Toronto Canada we had a weekend full of violent protests.

Unfortunately most of the potential significance of the G20 summit was lost amidst the unfortunate violence and predictable condemnation of both the violent protesters and the police force – alternatively people are condemning the police for not doing enough to prevent the violence and sometimes in the same breath for doing too much! (Globe & Mail)

This incident is a black eye on the reputation of the usually wonderful city where I live, even though most of the violent “protesters” (in contrast to the majority of people there, who were peaceful protesters) were nothing more than opportunistic, cowardly vandals who cared little about the issues.

Incidents like these and a general feeling of skepticism and mistrust of government in general have led patriotism to be considered lame. Or even worse, could patriotism be intolerant? (Intolerance being the worst insult in a politically correct society.) Having pride in my country, thinking that it is in any way better than another, could be seen as being intolerant to other countries.

But I think the recent FIFA World Cup tournament provides an interesting example of how patriotism and tolerance are not opposed. Even though it is a sports competition between countries, it still is meant to be a way to foster greater understanding and camaraderie between the nations. At the end of FIFA matches, football (soccer) players will exchange their jersey with a member of the opponent squad as a way of “showing respect and camaraderie between combatants.”  This sort of competition demonstrates that it’s possible to be patriotic and love your country while simultaneously respect others. (Yahoo!Sports)

So I don’t think patriotism is lame or antiquated. Canada Day was July 1 and Independence Day in the USA is July 4. This year, instead of negatively focusing on the problems and failings of our governments, why not spend some time thinking about what is good and praiseworthy about the nations in which we live?

What do you love about your country? What do you consider good and praiseworthy about it, and wish to share with the world?

Today as we mark Memorial Day, the United States has lost its 1000^th GI to the combat in Afghanistan. Marine Corporal Jacob Leicht, a native of Kerrville Texas, had been in country just two weeks after spending the last two years in physical therapy for a serious injury sustained in combat in Iraq.  He would have turned 25 on the fourth of July.

In interview for CNN, Leicht’s brother Jesse spoke of the meaning of his brother’s sacrifice as a single tear ran silently down his face.  He told the interviewer:

“He did the ultimate thing. It’s people like him that makes so I that I can go out to eat with my friends, that I can live here on this piece of property with my family, that I can wake up in the morning and go to work.”

Marine Corporal Jacob Leicht is one face out of thousand, one family out of crowd of those who truly understand what today is all about.  As you gather your own family close to you this Memorial Day, remember him and the thousands of others like him.  Remember those who have been lost and all those who today, right now, are holding a weapon so that you and I don’t have to.

Military Lives Prayer Time
June 2, 2010 7:00 pm EDT Join us in chat to pray for military families and all those serving their country. (This is a recurring chat.)

Pornography is a multibillion dollar industry, but you won’t find it on your iphone, at least not officially.

Tate:
If Dylan was 20 today, how would he feel about your company? Would he think the iPad had the faintest thing to do with “revolution?” Revolutions are about freedom.

Jobs:
Yep, freedom from programs that steal your private data. Freedom from programs that trash your battery. Freedom from porn. Yep, freedom. The times they are a changin’, and some traditional PC folks feel like their world is slipping away. It is.

Tate:
“And you know what? I don’t want “freedom from porn.” Porn is just fine! And I think my wife would agree.”

Jobs writes simply, “you might care more about porn when you have kids.”

I was pleasantly surprised by Jobs’ comments. I certainly didn’t see that coming. It pretty unusual to see someone outside of the church come down against porn.  I applaud Jobs’ effort to keep porn out of the hands of children – many of whom do have access to iphones.  I know in my family all the adults have them and when we get together, only a few minutes will pass before one of the kids asks “Uncle Gord, can I play on your phone?”

I do appreciate the effort, but on closer inspection the no porn stance gets a little fuzzy. Jobs claims not to be interested in selling pornography, but Wired Magazine reports that there is a Playboy app for sale. I’m not sure I understand the difference.

Does Apple have the right, or even the responsibility to govern what can and cannot be sold in the App store?

More:
Why is porn a big deal? Take a real look at pornography
Need help? Talk privately to a mentor

Over 16million Americans suffer from alcoholism

The problem is also widespread in Canada and other countries as well. It doesn’t help that alcohol advertisers constantly remind those struggling with alcohol about their problem and tempting them to abandon their attempts to quit.

Is it even possible to quit drinking? For many people it may seem almost impossible. Alcoholism (or “alcohol dependence”) is even termed by some organizations which study and seek to combat it a “chronic disease.”

Sometimes it can help to read the story of someone who has struggled with this disease and emerged victorious. Cam is just such a person who was able to overcome his addiction. In telling his story, he says that he “was hooked on alcohol on the first try” which eventually led to drugs, being hauled off to the drunk tank, and stumbling in late & hungover for work. Those days are behind him now though, and knowing him now you would never guess at his past.

Read Cam’s story, “A New Man” to learn how this change happened, and his new life.

If you are struggling with addictions, you may want to try our Dealing with Addictions interactive life lesson, or if you’d like someone to talk to (confidentially) please email an online mentor today to talk.

I have lived at least three days’ drive from my grandparents and most of my extended family my entire life

I have a great relationship with my parents, but I wasn’t always good at maintaining this bond.  My days in college were spent procrastinating about calling home and rolling my eyes when my father not-so-subtly mentioned that “they never hear from me”. But as my family has grown and changed, and I’ve made the transition from college student to married adult – with a whole new set of family to keep track of – I’ve come to value the connection with family much more.

I’ve had to come up with ways to stay connected across the miles. This is even more important  at Christmas. Splitting my time between my husband’s family and mine means we’re always spending the holidays without one group or the other.  I’ve found these 8 ways to stay connected, no matter how far apart we are:

1. Get everyone to use Skype. It’s taken time, but one by one my in-laws, parents and some siblings have gotten a free Skype account.   Skype lets you connect through instant messages and video chats for free online. I talk to my parents while I cook dinner and take my laptop around the apartment to show them my Christmas decorations.   When they are all together watching football on Sunday one of them sends me a message and that makes me feel included in their family time. On Christmas Day I plan to video chat with the whole family.  You could video chat while you open gifts.  I know other people who make a daily date for grandparents and grand-babies to “play” on the computer. It’s free, easy to learn and once everyone has the hang of it, it can bring your distant loved ones right into your home.
2. Start a blog. At first my blog was just a fun way to experiment with the little code knowledge I was picking up at work, but it developed into a way to share my life with my family. I write about what’s going on in my life, put up pictures and even connected my Twitter account to my blog so that my parents (who are not into Twitter… yet!) can even enjoy the small updates I do there.  It saves me time from having to write lengthy emails about the same event to different family members and is a great way to share photos without worrying about email size and attachments. Recently my dad even started his own travel blog and is now returning the favor, letting me stay updated on his trips.
3. Get phone cards. If you’re like my husband and I, you don’t have much need for a home phone line. We both have smart phones and spend more of our time texting than calling. But this has put a barrier up for us when it comes to calling grandma and grandpa and other family members who don’t have Skype, blogs, or even computers. We started buying phone cards and keeping them by the phone and in our wallets. For the occasional call to Grandma it’s much cheaper than getting a long distance plan.
4. Find inexpensive and simple ways to wish them well at holidays. I live in Canada and my parents, sister and brother all live in the States.  You wouldn’t believe how annoying shipping across the border can be (don’t get me started on gift cards). I’ve had to look for ways to wish them happy birthday and merry Christmas that work across borders and arrive on time.  Some websites, like Etsy.com, will accept Canadian PayPal payments and delivery to the US so I can have gifts shipped directly to my family. E cards are another great option.  If all else fails, start an arrangement with a family member (in my case, my shopaholic, sale-finding sister) who is willing to be your personal elf and save you the cost of shipping.
5. Put family in your calendar. I am not good at remembering important dates and have forgotten more than a couple family birthdays.  I am trying to schedule events in my email calendar in advance of the special occasion. This alerts me to the birthday, holiday or anniversary in enough time to mail a card or call my “family elf” (see Tip #4!) and arrange  to have something there on the special day. I have found if I don’t make these events as important as the work meetings I schedule, they get forgotten and I miss an opportunity to show my family I am thinking of them.
6. Sign up for seat sale alerts. Most airlines and discount ticket websites will allow you to specify what cities you’re keeping your eye of for cheap flights and will email alert you if the price falls. I recommend travelocity.com, orbitz.com, hotwire.com. Staying on top of the ups and downs of travel costs helps my husband and me maximize the times we can see our relatives each year.  Get your family involved in looking too.  My mother-in-law has emailed us more than once with WestJet deals and we’ve been able to visit her more affordable.
7. Do something together. How do you do something together when you don’t even live in the same country? I’ve found that there are ways to share a common bond or activity that don’t require two people are in the same room at the same time.  My sister and I are putting together our family photo calendar, a yearly tradition we took over last year. Our extended relatives email us the photos, we both upload to Snapfish.com and work on designing it as a team.  It’s like a sisters’ scrap-booking project without paper! Other options might be making a family fantasy sports pool or doing the same craft and uploading photos on Facebook of your progress for the other to see.
8. Keep the lines of communication open and the relationship a priority. Whatever your reasons for being away from loved ones, they can cause some to feel negative emotions from time to time about why you wouldn’t want to be closer to them. Perhaps most of your family lives close together and you are the one consistently absent from family functions because life has carried you elsewhere.  Whatever the situation, resist the temptation to let the lines of communication go quiet. Initiate connection even when it may be hard or when you feel out of the loop. Pulling back will only add to the miles between you and feed the fears that the relationship may be lost. Take opportunities, like Christmas, to show them with the efforts you make that they are a valuable part of your life and that your relationship can continue to grow – even if you live far apart.

How to be home alone for the holidays
Do you need to talk? We have trained mentors who would love to talk to you.

The shooting began at about 1330 (1930 GMT) on Thursday at a personnel and medical centre at Fort Hood – the largest US military base in the world, home to about 40,000 troops.

The commander of the base, Lt Gen Robert Cone, told NBC News that, according to eyewitnesses, Mr Hasan had shouted the Arabic phrase “Allahu Akbar!” [God is great] before opening fire.

He was shot four times during the attack and is currently being treated in hospital under armed guard.

Reports suggested that he had been increasingly unhappy in the military and that his work at his previous post – Walter Reed Army Medical Center in Washington DC – had been the subject of concern.

The New York Times said the FBI had been investigating internet postings by a man called Nidal Hasan that appeared to back suicide bombings – but said it was not clear whether it was the suspect.

How can we respond to such acts of terrible violence? Recently, Gary, a young man with a family living in Canada, faced an attack of his own: A package bomb left on the back steps of his home. Not knowing what the package was, he picked it up, and it exploded in his hands. Read Gary’s story of his survival, and how he was able to respond to an act of senseless violence.

If you are grieving or dealing with disappointment or despair, please contact us today to talk about it, we’re always here to listen.

Image credit: Daniel Greene, used with permission, Creative Commons 2.0 License.