Somewhere between the deadlines and the meetings and the to-do list, I’d forgotten the most important responsibility in my life — my family. It had also been weeks since my wife and I had a date together. I knew things needed to change — and fast. I needed to focus on my family and let them know they were just as important as my work.

We set out to meet our work goals and somehow in the midst of it all, we forget that waiting at home is that young boy wanting to play catch, that teenage girl who needs to talk about boys, or that spouse that needs to be treated with all the attention we used to give when we were dating. How do we lose focus and more importantly, how can we get it back? Keep reading >>

Balance work and family today:

Just Say…No! (Learning boundaries and balance)
Creating quality time with your kids
Take a lesson: Learn how to manage your time
Check out FamilyLife Canada for more tips

It is often said that balance is the key to happiness.

Life can sometimes be like the balance scales our grandmothers used years ago with many different aspects of our beings coming together to balance and form the people that we are. We work and play, rest and expend energy, commune with our bodies and souls, exalt in joy and feel sorrow. Balance is the state that someone achieves when all of the aspects of life and self are in harmony.

What does balance mean to you?

While balance is necessary to have a satisfying, energetic, joyful life, it’s up to each person to determine what balance means to them.  Nothing pull us more off balance than financial demands that challenge and wreak havoc on my relationships, health and career.

With your financial house is in order, you’re able to care for others. So that’s why it’s important to devote as much attention to your family’s financial health as you do to your physical health.  When your family’s financial house is in order, you are better able to care for others.

Does your life need more financial balance?

The first step in creating financial balance is to take a look at where you are today. Grab a pen and take this quick quiz to find out more …

1. Do you avoid thinking about your finances?
2. Do you have a realistic financial plan for retirement?
3. Are you taking advantage of tax-deferred investments such as RRSPs?
4. Do you have a Registered Education Savings Plan (RESP) for your children?
5. Are you able to financially support your charities and church as much as you would like?
6. Do you have cash reserves to last three months in the event of an accident or disability?
7. Could your family live comfortably on your death insurance, disability or critical illness benefits?
8. Do you have an estate plan to ensure your family’s financial future?
9. Have you reviewed your Will in the past three years?
10. Do you have a clear and concise picture of your current financial position?

If you’ve answered NO to more than two questions, your life may need more financial balance. For help in getting your financial needs in balance so you can live a more generous life, contact FaithLIfe Financial.

Call 1-800-563-6237, or email communications@faithlifefinancial.ca.

Visit our website www.faithlifefinancial.ca

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The stress is magnified if you are your family’s principal income earner, making it a double-barrelled blow to both your ego and your security. The approach to dealing with it is to take action not only in looking for new employment but in restoring other aspects of your life.

Here’s how to get started:

Accept and understand your emotions. You have a right to grieve, feel anger, and recognize that you’re depressed. Give yourself time to acknowledge these feelings and share them with your spouse or trusted advisor or pastor. Then promise each other to move beyond them and take charge of your lives.

Reduce your expenses. Talk to creditors about extending loan periods and reducing monthly payments. Set a tight household budget and stick to it.

Share the facts with your children. Don’t try to hide the situation from them. Gently explain what has occurred and that some changes are being made for a while – you may not leave the house at the same time each workday, or you may not be able to afford some things the family had planned. Young children tend to blame themselves for family problems. Assure them that they did nothing wrong, and you will continue to love and protect them.

File for employment insurance and other benefits. This does more than create income; it demonstrates that you are taking charge.

Recall other challenges you overcame. If you faced difficult transition points in the past and handled them well, reflect on how you managed to deal with them successfully, and the inner strength you drew upon. Find ways to apply that strength again.

Seek solace in your inner confidence – and nowhere else. Alcohol and drugs may ease the pain, but they won’t put you back to work. Find strength in your friends and your faith.

Two essential words: Be patient. If you don’t succeed in the first few weeks or months, review your strategy. Is your resume convincing? Can you improve your demeanour? Do you need different references? Do you need to consult an expert for assistance?

Assess your personal strengths and goals. Many people evaluate losing their jobs as a turning point in their lives because it provided an opportunity to pursue a dream of independence or a career shift.

Like many other challenges in life, unemployment focuses our minds on the basics. Family, friends and faith suddenly become more valued than ever, and they are key to sustaining our strength during times such as these. Do not be shy about using them to help yourself and others.

Related Readings:

Coping with Your Husband’s Job Loss

For help in getting your financial needs in balance so you can live a more generous and hopeful life, contact FaithLIfe Financial.

Call 1-800-563-6237, or email moreinfo@faithlifefinancial.ca.

Visit our website www.faithlifefinancial.ca

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The most valuable things we offer our children

Education for children or grandchildren is an investment and, like all investments, the sooner you commit, the greater your reward. This may be difficult to grasp when you are managing mortgage payments and all the expenses of a growing family. With help from the federal government, qualified investment advice, and a little planning, education funds can be amassed over time.

RESPs

Start by opening a Registered Education Savings Plan (RESP). An RESP is a Registered Retirement Savings Plan (RRSP) for your children’s education. Contributions to the plan are invested and earnings from these investments remain free of income tax until applied to the beneficiary’s education, when they are taxed in the student’s hands. Since a student’s anticipated income is either nil or very low, the income tax is insignificant.

Unlike an RRSP, you cannot deduct RESP contributions from taxable income. The federal government, however, may increase the contributions via a Canada Education Savings Grant (CESG) and a Canada Learning Bond (CLB). (Residents of Alberta may be eligible for an Alberta Centennial Education Savings Grant.) Additionally, A CLB will provide up to $2000 over 15 years, to assist modest-income families who have children born after December 31, 2003.

Grandparents and family friends may open their own plan. You can launch an RESP for a grandchild, niece, nephew, or any child you wish to assist in obtaining a college or university education simply by naming them as the beneficiary.

RESP growth depends on your investment decisions. An RESP should be considered an investment, not a savings plan. Two elements that can maximize the growth of your RESP are an early start and professional investment advice. A $2500 contribution made annually combined with the maximum CESG contribution, will grow to a substantial amount. You may contribute a maximum of $50,000 to an RESP.

What happens if the child opts out of pursuing a post-secondary education? You have a number of options that are available:

• Wait for your child to pursue post-secondary studies at a later date
• Transfer the plan to a brother or sister who chooses to attend college or university
  • Transfer the money to your RRSP (less CESG and CLB funds)
• Withdraw your contributions tax-free. Investment earnings are subject to income tax; CESG and CLB contributions must be returned to the federal government.

Getting started

Start with a SIN and a telephone call. As the beneficiary of your RESP, your child must have a Social Insurance Number (SIN). For information on obtaining a SIN application, contact your local Service Canada Centre. After your child is assigned a SIN, contact a FaithLife Financial representative to help you choose the best available RESP plan and guide you through the government’s CESG application process.

For help in getting your financial needs in balance so you can live a more generous life as God calls, contact FaithLife Financial.

Call 1-800-563-6237, or email moreinfo@faithlifefinancial.ca.

Visit our website www.faithlifefinancial.ca

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Do you really want to spend more money than necessary? Research proves that consumers spend substantially more money when purchasing with credit cards than with cash. If you’re intent on budget restraint, use cash or debit cards.

More cards mean more debt. Don’t get caught in the good-credit cycle that qualifies you for higher credit limits on existing cards and offers of new credit cards. The more cards you carry in your wallet, the more likely your debts will grow to an unmanageable level.

Resist introductory low rates for new credit cards. Some cards promise unusually low interest rates for new cardholders, suggesting they use their new card to pay off their old credit card debt. But read the fine print: When does the introductory low-interest period end? What will the new rate be? Does the new card include annual or monthly fees? Will a transfer fee be charged when moving one credit card balance to another?

Remember how credit card companies make money. It’s from the interest charged on your unpaid balance. Typically, this ranges from 12 to 18 percent annually (retail department stores may charge 28.8 percent). At those rates, credit card companies want you to maintain a substantial balance as long as you make minimum payments because it maximizes their profit.

Get your credit card debt under control:

1. Destroy all but one or two of your current credit cards. Keep the cards with the lowest interest rate and no annual service fee.
2. Pay off the card with the highest interest rate first. This card represents the biggest drain on your budget.
3. Wherever possible, pay for purchases with cash or a debit card. You cannot reduce the balance on your credit cards if you keep adding charges to them.

Remember: Credit cards are not a source of income.  They are a convenient on-the-spot loan that must be paid back, often at very high interest rates.

For help in getting your financial needs in balance so you can live a more generous life contact FaithLIfe Financial.

Contact FaithLife Financial for more information.

Are you called or are you driven?

Small, isn’t it? And yet the majority of North American families in the 1950s lived in something that looked pretty much like that. After World War II, we radically expanded the idea of home ownership. Instead of renting, people bought these little houses, and they, by and large, thrived in them.

Was it tight? You betcha. Often three bedrooms with four or five kids, so 2-3 kids would have to share a bedroom. Bunk beds became major furniture items. The living room was small, so people sat on the couch and the floor to watch TV. Kids did homework at the dining room table.  My husband grew up in a house like that: four boys, one bathroom, small kitchen.  They survived just fine.

Am I about to write a post telling everyone you should run out and buy that house? No, of course not. What I am saying is this: many of the things we think are absolutely necessary are not. It is simply that we have listened to our society and we have turned many wants into needs. And that is part of what is making our lives so harried!

Today I want to talk about how to make decisions about work, because one of the biggest issues you will face when it comes to quality family time is whether or not both parents work outside the home. It’s just a fact. I’m not going to talk about whether or not you should leave your child in day care. I’m not going to talk about how you can make money if you stay at home. I’m also not going to talk about the fact that often it costs so much to work that it’s not worth it.

What I do want to talk about is how we can get off this merry go round that tells us that we NEED so much stuff. Work, you see, is directly related to expenses. Lower the expenses, and a job is not as much of an issue. Increase the expenses, and you have to work.

So let’s ask this: what was the quality of life like for people growing up in those tiny homes?

Of course, so much depended on the family, but the size of the home was not necessarily bad because people adjusted. It was all they knew and they felt grateful to have a home. Let’s also remember that in most parts of the world, far more people are squeezed into far smaller spaces than even that house represents. We are the strange ones, living with our huge homes. Our grandparents, in these small homes, were not strange. They were more the norm.

What did people do with less space? The kids played in the living room together, or in the basement. They didn’t hang out in their own rooms, away from their siblings. They tended to be together. They went outside more since inside was cramped, and thus they got more exercise, even in the winter. They didn’t spend as much time on television, because families usually only had one, and sometimes Mom and Dad would want to watch their programs and the kids had to scatter. They played board games. They made Lego. They played with dolls. They used their imagination.

And that was okay.

Dreaming big

When you were 13, did you love bridal magazines? Did you used to read them and stare at the pictures and imagine what your own wedding would be like? Many of us did. But many of us still do–we just replace the bridal magazines with Home & Garden, and we dream of a beautifully decorated, spacious home. It’s what we’re aiming for. We want to have “arrived”. We want the space, and the luxury.

But what if that space and luxury comes at the expense of massive amounts of your time–or your husband’s time? For it is not just women working that this quest for more stuff affects. It’s also men working. A few years ago we made the decision that my husband would work less so he could be home with the kids one day a week. Because he was on call so much, he was often gone at night, and he was missing out on so much with them. So he decided to work less. We gave up some money so that he could gain some much needed time. That’s what it all comes down to.

Not surprisingly, when we trim our expenses, we’re often able to build wealth and increase our security. Millionaires, for instance, don’t tend to act like millionaires. It’s those with less than a million dollars who consume all the luxury stuff, because they’re acting like they want to be millionaires.

Here are just a few stats I picked up from the Growth Matters blog:

•Eighty-six percent of all prestige or luxury makes of motor vehicles are driven by people who are not millionaires.
•Typically, millionaires pay about $16 (including tip) for a haircut.
•Nearly four in 10 millionaires buy wine that costs about $10 a bottle.
•In the United States, there are nearly three times as many millionaires living in homes with a market value of less than $300,000 than there are living in homes valued at $1 million or more.

The two things to take away so far? We can surely survive on less than we think, and yet at the same time society is lecturing us that we need more–and we’re believing it.

Think “Enough”!

Imagine how we could change the culture if we just said, “Enough!”. Enough credit card debt. Enough working round the clock to afford all the latest gadgets and the big cars. Enough stress from living beyond one’s means. Enough believing that life is all about entertainment and stuff instead of about family. You see, the best things in life aren’t things at all. But we seem to have forgotten that. We think our kids need stuff, when what they really need is us.
Here’s a family that gave up the rat race and decided to “live in the middle”.  His income has stayed steady at roughly $20,000 a year. Lola earns about $30,000 plus benefits working part time as a medical technician in a nearby hospital lab. A decade ago, the couple earned twice as much — about $100,000 a year. Gregg sold insurance, and they lived in tony North Scottsdale. But he wasn’t happy.

“We were on this treadmill of making money, making as much money as possible every year, and feeling that we always had to increase that because we wanted to buy more things and live in a nice house and have nice cars and everything else,” he says.

At the same time, Lola didn’t get a job she’d dreamed of, working at the Mayo Clinic in Scottsdale. That’s a painful memory.

“I remember I prayed, I prayed so hard. I still didn’t get a job. But there was a sense of letting go,” she says.

Perhaps you need two incomes to get you to the minimum that you can afford a house, even a small one like that. That’s okay, as long as you’re trying to meet your family’s NEEDS, not WANTS. But many of us are on a treadmill trying to meet WANTS, and it doesn’t work.

Now, those who know me are going to say it’s easy for me to suggest all this, because I’m not in that position. I’ve got it made. And I do. My husband is a doctor, and we’re able to live quite comfortably. But it was not always that way. Both Keith and I put ourselves through school. While he was in training and the kids were born, we lived in a small apartment, without a car. I spent my life with the girls taking them to playgroups and museums, because the apartment was too crowded to stay in during the day. Others in training had taken out the massive loans the banks were offering, and they had bought vehicles and homes. We didn’t. We saved for a down payment.

And then we bought a nice house, 1400 square feet, in a neighbourhood where no doctors ever lived. After ten years, we moved to the house we have now. We have always paid cash for our used cars. We buy our clothes at second hand stores. And we endeavor to take as many missions trips as possible and to give as much away as we can.  Yes, I have it easy, but even when we didn’t we made the decision to live “small” so that we could enjoy life more.

Benefits of downsizing

The best thing some people could do is to sell their home and downsize. Unfortunately, that’s not so easy right now with the glut of houses on the market. Many people will have to remain in the house they’re in simply because you can’t get a decent price right now. But maybe there are other things you can do. Buy a used car instead of a new one. Eat out less. Learn to save money on the big things, like electricity, insurance, utilities, car payments. And learn to save money on the small things, like groceries, eating, shopping. Many women basically “earn an income” by staying at home and putting a lot of time into saving money!

Is it fun? It can be! Think of it like a challenge, to make the money last. Give up some extracurricular activities with the kids, but replace it with fun family time, where you play games or have parties every week. Stop going out for dinner and have people over more. All of these things are “fun”.

Our society cannot go on the way it is, with so many living beyond their means. We are crushed in debt at every level–personal, state, federal. We have built a beautiful society, but it is built on sand. One day it will come crashing down, as it has already begun to. I want to be ready, by raising kids who don’t need stuff. Who don’t ask for a huge list at Christmas, but instead look forward to all the games we play that day. I want to live with less so I can live more. That’s getting back to what’s really important.

So here’s your exercise for today: examine your 10 biggest expenses on a monthly basis, and ask if they’re necessary. Can you downsize? Are these things you want, or things you genuinely need? Can your family develop a new way of looking at money, as something that works for you to build wealth, rather than something that slips through your fingers and is a source of stress? Can money be the vehicle that you help others with, instead of something you’re always desperately worried about?

For some it’s a hard switch, because you’re already living bare to the bone. For many of us, though, we just need to change our habits. Tell me in the comments what you think. Have you ever downsized? Have you ever chosen to forego something big? What did it feel like? Let us know!

Take the Next Steps: Trusting God, Not Credit Cards

This blog was originally posted on tolovehonorandvacuum.blogspot.com . Used with permission.

Every now and then, an idea explodes through our collective consciences,

Take the frantic morning routine that sends many parents careening for the Tim Horton’s drive-through in desperation before it’s done. You yell and plead for the kids to get up, to no avail. So you yank off covers, rifle through drawers to find clothes, and hunt for the glasses Sally can’t locate, all while stuffing lunches into backpacks.

Sometimes helping doesn’t actually help

No one else seems to be able to hear that bus countdown that is ticking loudly in your own mind. Just when you’ve finally finished ensuring all your offspring is properly attired, one announces that he forgot to do his math homework. So you hunt for a piece of paper and a pencil and start multiplying, while you shove a cereal bowl towards him. By the time the children mount the bus stairs you’re exhausted, and it’s not even nine o’clock yet.

Unfortunately, most parents focus on helping their children complete tasks, instead of helping their children own those tasks. What kids really need is not a mom or a dad who runs around afterwards picking up all the pieces. Kids need to learn to be responsible for themselves, or they’ll wind up moving back in when they’re 23, hoping you’re still around to get them off to their dead-end job. We are accepting too much responsibility.

I read of one mother who was so frustrated by her typical morning that she warned the children that if they missed the bus, and made her drive them to school, then they would have to clean up the kitchen that night in exchange. She explained the new arrangement, and then she shut her trap. She didn’t nag them about homework, or backpacks, or lunches, or breakfasts. She let them figure it out. They soon learned that they didn’t really enjoy cleaning out dirty pots and pans. And lo and behold, she got her mornings back.

Their problem, not yours

Our society seems to believe that children’s behavior reflects completely upon parents, and so parents tend to do too much to cover up for kids’ failures. All we’re doing, though, is encouraging irresponsibility. Why not make children responsible for the things that are rightly theirs? If they don’t get their homework done, they fail the test. If they fail the test, they lose TV and video game privileges. No more griping over homework. If teens want a car, they have to pay for the insurance, which means they have to get a job. And if they’re late for that job, they lose it. Their problem, not yours.

If your three-year-old can’t behave on a play date, you leave. You don’t coax them or bribe them or flatter them. If your eight-year-old can’t find his hockey equipment, he misses the game. End of story.

Allowing children to fail teaches children what real life is all about. Turning ourselves into pretzels to help them get through that play date, finish that homework, make that bus, or afford that cell phone doesn’t teach them anything except that irresponsibility doesn’t matter.

If you’re running ragged trying to fix your children’s lives, quit it. The world isn’t going to stop spinning if they miss that bus. Galileo figured that out six hundred years ago. Maybe it’s time we caught up.  For a great book on this topic read Have a New Kid by Friday by Kevin Lehman.

This blog was originally posted on tolovehonorandvacuum.blogspot.com . Used with permission.

Need more parenting resources? Check out FamilyLife Canada

Serious debt problems arise when the amount you owe is out of balance with your income and household expenses (such as mortgage payments and utilities). The primary aim of managing your debt is to restore the balance either by increasing your income – difficult to achieve in an economic downturn – or setting and following a plan of action to manage the debt within your current income.

Here are seven steps to assist you:

1. Face the facts. Excessive debt is both a financial problem and an emotional dilemma, and taking time to deal with the problem is the best way of  handling the stress it causes.  To begin, sit down with your family, adding up your debt, reviewing the situation, and asking everyone for their suggestions and support. Measure the debt you owe.  This may be upsetting at first, but deciding how to deal with it  instead of ignoring the problem is the first step toward feeling better.
2. Determine where the money goes. Each family member needs to write down his or her monthly expenses.Then identify the  ones that can be eliminated or reduced.  Then make a commitment to do it. The money saved from needless expenses is used to reduce the debt.
3. Separate good debt from bad debt. Good debt, like mortgages and student loans, delivers important benefits. Bad debt is expensive due to high interest rates charged for unnecessary goods and services you bought in the past. Department store credit cards represent most bad debts in families and should be targeted for to be paying off as soon as possible.
4. Take steps to free more income for debt reduction. These steps may include fewer restaurant meals each month, using discount coupons when shopping for groceries, and brown-bagging lunch. Brainstorm other ways to reduce monthly expenses and free money to pay your debts.
5. Put your savings to better use. “Saving for a rainy day” is a good idea, but not when the roof is leaking. Besides, money in your bank savings account pays next to nothing in interest these days, while some credit cards charge as much as 28 percent annual interest. Using your savings to reduce or eliminate this debt is a wise strategy.
6. Speaking of credit cards – DON’T. Credit cards represent the biggest source of debt problems for Canadians. If you have multiple credit cards, choose the one offering the lowest interest rate with no annual fee and use it for convenience purchases only. Destroy the other cards and pay off the balances.
7. Talk to your creditors. Ask about extending the amortization period for a personal loan or mortgage, reducing the regular payments required (this is a good move with today’s low interest rates). Apply the difference between your old higher payments and your new lower payments to reducing other debts.

There’s little comfort in knowing that thousands of Canadians are facing debt problems similar to yours, so you needn’t shoulder all the blame yourself for your dilemma. The sooner you take charge of the problem, the sooner you’ll have your debt under control. Contact FaithLife Financial for more information.

Are you and your husband facing an financial crisis? Do need prayer? Let us pray for you

Does your career own you?

Fortunately sheer hours do not determine a workaholic, but workaholics definitely work longer than most. What sets them apart is their sense of being out of control, as well as valuing busyness over relationships. Dr. Bryan Robinson, a leading researcher on work and relationships, defines workaholism as “a compulsive and progressive, potentially fatal disorder characterized by self-imposed demands, compulsive overworking, inability to regulate work habits, and overindulgence in work to the exclusion and detriment of intimate relationships and major life activities.”

What about you? Do you tend to:
• Feel rushed, busy, and multi-tasked?
• Work more than socialize?
• Hate being interrupted from your work?
• Feel guilty when you’re not working?
• Get impatient when you’re not “in control”?
• Become upset when others don’t measure up to your work standards?
A“yes” to some or any of these questions may signal a workaholic spirit.

Who Cares? Isn’t Work a Virtue?

True, work is good, important, and necessary. Right from the start God gave Adam and Eve the task to steward the garden. In the book of Genesis it says he placed Adam in Eden “to work it and take care of it.” We all know that a garden grows better when we add fresh soil, till packed earth, and spread moist compost. You can tell when a garden has received watchful, effortful attention.

We also know that healthy work gives us a sense of purpose and accomplishment, and earns us an income, which makes us feel good. Without work, everyday life would bump to a stop, for working gives us clean homes, kept parks, safe roads, and productive businesses. The place where work turns from virtue to vice is in our heart when we allow it to consume us, rather than us engaging it for our own directed purposes.

Okay, so can hard work really hurt my marriage?

Well that depends on what you’re working hard at. If you’re working diligently at your career, but sloughing off in your relationships, then yes, you’re headed for trouble. What does it look like to be engrossed with your job, but coasting in your relationships? Here are some signs.

• You ask someone a question, but miss their answer because your head is “somewhere else.”
• You spend little if any time thinking about your loved ones’ needs and wants.
• You tend to forget, ignore, or minimize birthdays, reunions, anniversaries or holidays in favor of work.
• You identify more with your position at work than your role as spouse, parent, or friend.
• Your spouse and kids cover for you when you’re absent from public family gatherings.
• When you’re home, you feel emotionally drained and detached from those around you.
• Your family has to “tip toe” around you lest you blow up at some minor offence.

The cancer at the root of these symptoms may be that we think careers take work, but marriage and family life are easy. A good, happy relationship does not just spring to life when we meet Mr. Right, or Miss Ideal.  They get knit together one stitch at a time through effort.

So what can I do if I feel like a workaholic?

I think the first question we need to ask is, What are we here for? And second, What should be the nature of our existence? I think the answer to the first is purpose, and the second is presence.

We gain purpose when we can see the reason for our work, and for our relationships, rather than feel they are a meaningless going-through-the-motions. My conviction is that life is about loving God and serving others. What is your purpose in life? If it’s to get rich or earn prestige, then perhaps that’s what’s driving your workaholism. Or maybe you work to forget past hurts, or to ignore current ones. If so, then your work is driven by wounds.

We gain presence when we reprioritize our values to create margin so we can offer attention and emotional support in our relationships. If your family has ever said, “you’re physically here, but your brain is somewhere else,” you know you lack emotional presence. I like the advice that says, “wherever you are, be all there.” So how do we gain purpose and presence?

1. If you’re really concerned about your work interfering with family life, seek professional help. The key is that you’ve identified the pattern, and can point to feelings and behaviors you think indicate a problem. I recommend you find a counselor if you identify with the indicators bulleted above.

2. Realize that with only 24 hours in a day, every minute spent at work means another minute lost at home. In Choosing to Cheat: Who Wins when Family and Work Collide?, Andy Stanley observes that broadly speaking all cheating is about trading one thing we value for something we don’t, and this normally entails trading an intangible virtue for some tangible reward. Are you trading away your marriage (an intangible I would call faithfulness) for the tangible rewards of promotion and toys? It sounds blunt, but if you can get your work done in eight hours, do. Put the laptop away, turn off the Blackberry, go home, and engage your family.

3. Recognize that all relationships require work. They aren’t easy. Pastor Ed Harris says it well:

All relationships require work. This is one of the most overlooked and under-appreciated areas of our human being tool chest. We think just because someone is married to us or that we have a few friends on Facebook and folks humor us by laughing at our jokes, that we have mastered the art of having a good relationship. Think again. Just like any other working organism, whether it is mechanical or flesh and blood, it requires maintenance, work and dedication.

This is a revelation to some.

4. Realize that the effects of your workaholism on your family are real. We’d like to think otherwise—that our spouse is strong, our kids resilient. Or we might think the benefits of our hard work outweigh its detriments. A young woman, Marin, would disagree.  She writes:

Most of my childhood, my dad was a severe workaholic. He worked as much as he could and made as much money as possible. That was what was important to him. He was doing it to support the family and give us extras, so I guess you could argue that the family was important to him, but it felt like work was more important because that is where he spent his time.

His workaholism put strains on all of our relationships. We kids were scared of setting him off or becoming angry with him. It changed the way that we behaved toward each other and outsiders.

I found that I have inherited the same tendencies. When I work excessively hard, I can become depressed, and then I become like a sloth. I don’t want to do anything, not even have fun or invest in others.

5. Negotiate your priorities with your spouse and family. We show our loved ones presence when we sit down, give full eye contact, listen actively, and talk about life, together. We show it in partnering with them about decisions small and large. For example, what plans might you agree on for tonight? The weekend? Your next vacation? Or, how do you hope to spend that nest egg? Will it be to visit your folks, or the in-laws, or to just get away by yourselves? If we put effort into our relating, similar to that put into career or housework or busyness, we’re bound to build hope.

When I consider deep sources for purpose and presence, I consider Jesus who said, “Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11: 28-30)

Jesus isn’t promising a bed of roses when we give our burdens to him, but he says his way gives rest, yields life, for it means not chasing achievement and accumulation or ignoring our hurts and wounds. His purpose provides meaning to love him and the people around us, people who become our allies as we face life’s challenges together.

Have you lost your family because you put business before your family? Watch this video and learn how Bud Paxon dealt with it.

As the election results came in this morning I kept thinking of a single line from the Declaration of Independence

For some these election results are exactly what they dreamed of, and for others they feel more like a nightmare.  One person feels a greater liberty this morning, another feels less free than they did yesterday.  I can understand the need to list life and liberty in such an important document but I’ve always wondered why the founding fathers felt the need to list happiness.

On the one hand I can see the importance of happiness, but at the same time a lot of the basics of happiness  can be found in life and  liberty.  So why single out the pursuit of happiness out for special mention? I wonder if they knew that even now all these years later we’d find ourselves pursuing happiness more often than simply enjoying it.

So what makes you happy? For some people it’s their kids and their spouse,  it could be work or a favorite hobby, travel, helping others, planning an upcoming wedding.  We write books on happiness, take surveys on how happy we are compared to other nations.  Advertisers will tell you that happiness is bug business.  With all this talk of happiness you’d think it would be commonplace, or at least easier to find.

I saw a video today, Which Path Will You Take? that asked if maybe the reason we have trouble finding happiness is because we’re looking in the wrong place.  Watch the video – it’s only five minutes – and see what you think.  (The video will load in a new page.  You can also access it by clicking the image at the top of this post.)

Where do you look for happiness?