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Sure Fire way To Teach Kids to Cook
Teach your kids to cook so you don’t have to! Here’s my philosophy in a nutshell: Each year after age 10, they learn to make one meal per year.
So at 11 they can make 1.
At 12 they can make 2.
At 13 they can make 3.
And so on, and so on, and so on. That way, when they move out at 18, the goal is that they can make seven different meals well, and one fancier meal for company.
This applies to both girls and boys. Do not raise your sons differently from your daughters in this regard. First of all, the average boy doesn’t marry until 27, so that’s 9 years away from home first, unless you want him living in your basement and eating your food the whole time. Even when he does marry, do you really want your daughter-in-law to have to do all the cooking? Train him for independence! You’re doing everyone a favor!
Getting started
So how do you figure out the meals to make? Think about your family’s favorite meals and start with the easiest one. This is what has worked for me:
Year 11: Spaghetti. It’s easy, and most kids like it, and it’s mostly just stirring. You can start by just teaching them to make the pasta and heat up a can of sauce with some meat. Then teach them how to add some chopped veggies, like garlic or carrots or peppers. Then add some homemade garlic bread. (Just chop fresh garlic up, add it to butter with some parsley, and spread it on bread. Broil it, and you’re done! Just check the timer. I’m forever burning mine).
Year 12: Chicken pie/chicken rice casserole. This is one of my children’s favorite meals, so we taught it young. It’s not that difficult:
Start with leftover chicken and add
1 can cream-of-something soup (use whatever is in your cupboard)
1 cup gravy (leftover, or the instant kind, or a can)
a lot of frozen veggies, or chopped fresh carrots, etc.
Heat it all up, and then either put it in some pie shells and bake it, or add rice and a bit of sour cream to it, sprinkle with cheese and breadcrumbs, and cook as a rice casserole. It’s great either way!
Year 13: Chicken and potatoes (This is a great meal that makes leftovers so they have the leftover chicken to make chicken pie. But most kids feel very threatened by making a whole chicken, plus they think the meat is gross, so it’s best to leave this until a little bit later).
The biggest benefit of learning how to roast a chicken is that your realize how easy it is! If you teach your kids how to make different side dishes, from baked potatoes to mashed potatoes or rice, then they’re all set. Now no matter which meat they roast they can make a meal! Gravy is a little trickier, but my daughter Rebecca’s getting pretty good at it right now.
Year 14: Grilled ham. We make ours dipped in maple syrup and then grilled in a frying pan or on the barbecue, depending on the time of year. The kids love it! We usually splurge on Lipton’s sidekicks for this meal.
Year 15: Shepherd’s Pie. Again, it’s easy. But I leave it until later because I always find this meal takes a bit of time because of all the peeling of potatoes and chopping and mashing, and the kids don’t like doing that work as much. Here’s our recipe:
Brown 1 1/2 pounds ground beef.
Add 1 can of tomato soup
1 tsp Worcestershire sauce
a bunch of garlic powder and salt and paprika
Layer this in a pan. Cover with frozen veggies. Add mashed potatoes on top of that. Sprinkle with paprika. Bake at 400 for half and hour. If it’s not brown on top, broil for a minute or two. We’ve started tripling this recipe and making three pans, because the kids love it and we leave it for leftovers.
So there you have five days of meals for your teens and preteens to start learning to make! That’s also our recipe plan for this week. None of these recipes cost very much. They’re all very affordable, and the kids like them. And one day, when they’re on their own, they’ll feel competent! What recipes do you use to teach children how to cook? And how are they doing at it?
This blog was originally posted on tolovehonorandvacuum.blogspot.com . Used with permission.
Religions have too many rules!
Do religions have too many rules? Sometimes, the answer is an unqualified yes! But why do we need to have rules at all? Don’t religious rules rob people of their freedom?
Have you ever taken a look at the rulebook for a professional sports league? The Official NHL Rulebook lists hundreds of specific rules and regulations. Everything from penalties, to the flow of the game (“The time allowed for a game shall be three (3) twenty-minute periods of actual play with a rest intermission between periods.”), to the size and shape of the rink (“The official size of the rink shall be two hundred feet (200′) long and eighty-five feet (85′) wide. The corners shall be rounded in the arc of a circle with a radius of twenty-eight feet (28′)”).
If the rules and regulations were all a person knew about the game of hockey, they would likely conclude that it is not only probably quite boring, but also that it must be the most restrictive and oppressive activity in the world! Thankfully hockey is much more than merely its rulebook. Still, rules are necessary. Imagine trying to play a game without any rules! In the comic strip Calvin & Hobbes, the young boy Calvin created just such a game: Calvinball. The comics centered around the chaos that would result whenever they would try to play the game without any rules.
Similarly, popular speaker Nicky Gumbel describes his experiences trying to referee a childrens’ soccer game. The normal referee was late, and so he was temporarily pressed into taking the role:
There was a number of difficulties with this: I had no whistle, there were no markings for the boundaries … and I did not know the rules nearly as well as some of the boys. The game soon descended into complete chaos. Some shouted that the ball was in. Others said it was out. I wasn’t at all sure, so I let things run. Then the fouls started. Some cried, “Foul!” Others said, “No foul!” I didn’t know who was right. So I let them play on. Then people began to get hurt. By the time Andy [the official referee] arrived, there were three boys laying injured on the ground … but the moment Andy arrived, he blew his whistle, arranged the teams, told them where the boundaries were and had them under control. Then the boys had the game of their lives! (from “Alpha: Questions of Life,” 88-89)
Gumbel asks the question: Were the boys more free without the rules or were they in fact less free? This is the paradox of anarchy. Think of most of the freedoms that you cherish: Things like being treated fairly, having the right to speak and vote, owning possessions without constant fear of having them taken, and living a life of liberty “in pursuit of happiness.” All of these are guaranteed and facilitated by having rules which restrict certain “freedoms” (like being free to steal other peoples’ property or to silence others from speaking) in favor of others (like the right to own property or have free speech).
But what about religious rules? Aren’t they just an impediment to our freedom?
In the same ways as a lack of sports rules will lead to less real freedom, lack of rules for life will eventually also lead to less real freedom. Dr Victor Shepherd describes the difference this way: “When the Bible speaks of freedom, however, it means something entirely different; it means the absence of any impediment to acting in accord with our true nature … The free person is simply the person for whom there is no impediment (inner or outer), no obstacle to her living as the child of God that she is by faith.” (from “Do you love me? And other questions Jesus asks,” 35-36)
The distinction between Christianity and all other faiths is that while Christianity has rules, it’s not about rules. C. S. Lewis, the late Oxford and Cambridge university professor who was also author of the popular Narnia series of books, was once asked what belief was unique to the Christian faith. “Oh, that’s easy,” he replied, “it’s grace.” Every other religion makes rules the basis of a person’s right standing with God. But in the Christian faith the rules first point out how a person has fallen short of God’s standard. That realization leads a person to God’s grace. Then those same rules serve as direction to live out lives of gratefulness. This is done not to earn anything, but in gratitude for what has been freely given.
Yes, many people (and churches) use rules like weapons to wound others through guilt and intimidation. Or they may be used as oppressive weights to burden people and drag them down. Perhaps you have experienced that yourself. But if you have, it may be time to consider that using rules this way is part of a broken system. And the true system is much more beautiful and burden-free. Watch the video Religion: Why it Isn’t Working to explore this idea further and let us know what you think!
Related reading:
Why is it so hard to forgive? – Licensed counselor Lynette Hoy explores this important topic
Discover purpose – What’s so amazing about grace?
Teaching Kids to Share the Plenty
As you celebrate your blessings during family gatherings why not use the holiday to teach your kids about sharing with others? Here are some tips for helping your family live generously.
Breaking down financial barriers to be free to live generously
1. Live within your means
Save up for purchases and pay cash rather than buying on credit. If you do use credit, pay the whole monthly balance so that your resources aren’t drained away in interest.
As soon as they are old enough, give your kids an allowance or let them control some of the gift money they receive. Encourage them to live within their means by saving for desired items. Working for an allowance and waiting to be able to afford something helps kids understand the real cost of an item and curtails frivolous purchases.
2. Get out of debt
You are not free to give if you are overwhelmed by debt. If you give on credit, you are really giving away someone else’s money. Once you are free to give, here are some tips for weaving benevolence into the fabric of your family life.
Tips for Giving Freely
1. Plan to be generous
Set measureable goals like donating 5% of your annual income or $5,000 per year. Share your goals with your kids and update them on your progress. Review your actual giving at the end of the year and set new goals for the next year.
2. Focus your generosity
Corporations often have clearly defined priorities that help them focus their giving. Some donate to charities that help disadvantaged kids while others support organizations that care for the environment.
Talk about what you value as a family. Are you passionate about animals? Do you know someone with Multiple Sclerosis, cancer, or some other medical condition? Do you want to alleviate poverty in developing nations or support Bible translation? After identifying the good you want to do in the world, look for reputable organizations that share your values. Focus your giving on a small group of charities rather than donating less money to more agencies—your gifts will have more of an impact.
3. Don’t wait to give
Even if you are currently in debt or have limited resources, you can still give your time. Any holiday is a good time to help your local food bank collect and sort food or to serve a meal at a local drop-in centre for people who are homeless. Look for opportunities to serve with your kids. As you model a generous lifestyle and involve your kids in sharing, they will develop a life-long giving habit.
For help in getting your financial needs in balance so you can live a more generous life, contact FaithLIfe Financial.
Call 1-800-563-6237, or email moreinfo@faithlifefinancial.ca.
Visit our website www.faithlifefinancial.ca
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You and Your Community
What does your community say about who you are? What do you say about your community? One year ago, we featured a blog post titled “Is Patriotism Lame?” which discussed the unfortunate riots which erupted in Toronto during the G20 Summit in June 2010. This year, Canada again faced riots in June. This time they were in Vancouver, following the Vancouver Canucks’ game seven loss to the Boston Bruins in the NHL Stanley Cup Finals.
The reaction of the fans was in one sense understandable. Their team, generally considered to be the favorites in the series, had just come tantalizingly close to achieving hockey greatness for the first time ever, and lost … on home ice. It would be natural to be disappointed. But choosing to act out by rioting, stealing, and burning cars is entirely inappropriate and immoral. Fueled by anger (and likely alcohol, not to mention a few people who had come in to the city looking to start trouble) the fans acted in a way that shocked and appalled Vancouver residents.
Reports are now showing that it was only a miniscule portion of Canuck fans who participated in the riots. In fact, many of the rioters were not even hockey fans, but merely opportunists eager to take the opportunity to stir up a crowd. Nevertheless, the incidents reflected badly on Vancouver as a city. The actions of a few tainted the reputations of many in the community.
The community quickly tried to respond. Volunteers started cleaning up the mess the next day. People wrote notes of apology and encouragement and left them around the city. A Vancouver elementary school exchanged letters with a school in Boston, congratulating the Bruins on their win. One child’s letter read: “Vancouverites are good sports but a few troublemakers made us look kind of bad. Vancouver is not a bad city. Great job on your win.” (Vancouver Sun)
What does your community say about you, and what do you say about your community? Do you feel embraced or isolated from your community? Everyone has a desire for intimacy, but increasingly we live in a world where we are isolated from those living around us. Sometimes don’t even know who our next-door neighbors are. If you feel isolated or lonely today, you’re welcome to contact a mentor to talk about it. You’ll receive a reply via email.
Related:
What does your Soul Crave?
5 Facebook Fights in Marriage
Kids. Sex. Money. According to therapists, these are the most common topics married couples argue about. After recently talking with a number of counselors and clergy about common marriage problems they’re dealing with, Facebook should be added to that list. In fact, Facebook is one of the most popular relationship conflicts for today’s married couples.
Why would that be? With over 400-million users, Facebook has become the preferred communication vehicle for connecting with friends and family, and has quickly integrated into the daily routines of adults of all ages. In its wake, many spouses are grappling to keep up with their feelings towards their mates’ rate of reconnected relationships, degrees of convenience connecting to the online social network, and their level of devotion to the website.
In fact, based off the research for our book, Facebook and Your Marriage (which included personal interviews with Facebookers, conversations with therapists, surveying many blogs and websites, and reading the dozens and dozens of comments on Facebook) we’ve discovered that when a spouse says “Facebook is an issue in my marriage,” it is a cry for help without an understanding of what the real problem is.
They mistakenly blame the website when it is most likely one of these five common Facebooking issues.
#1) Time spent on Facebook
Users spend over 500 billion minutes a month on Facebook. (That’s just short of a million years!) Whether they’re playing Mafia Wars or Farmville, corresponding with people or browsing profiles, the amount of time spent ON Facebook is often viewed as time spent AWAY from the family. And for some, they lose all track of time. Too much Facebook attention can create face-to-face tension between a husband and wife.
#2) Facebook Friends
The average user has 130 Facebook Friends. While the master computers at Facebook try to identify connections between users due to common interests, related friends, and past experiences, it is up to the user to “accept” or “decline” a Friend Request. Married Facebookers can unknowingly create a “situation” with their spouse by friending ex-boyfriends/girlfriends, old flames, former crushes, or past love interests. Other problem Facebook Friends include: a nosy in-law or parent, a wacky family member, a friend who is a bad influence, or a toxic co-worker. All of whom, because they’re online friends with one spouse can affect the real-time life of the other spouse.
#3) Facebook etiquette
Not only is Facebook the largest and fastest growing online social network, it is also the most active with half of all users logging in at least once a day. With so many people passing on so much information at such a rapid pace, many can find themselves regretting or second guessing an update or comment they made for the world to see. Some married people forget that the rant against a spouse, the complaint about their marriage, or putting down their mate in an update can create a tense situation on and off of Facebook.
#4) Facebook updates and comments
On average, users create 70 pieces of content on Facebook per month (updates, uploaded pictures, comments, etc). This opens the door for miscommunication, misreading a comment, inappropriate interactions, and more. For married Facebookers who write border-line comments, offer “TMI” on updates, or chat with questionable friends it can create problems on the home front with an embarrassed, hurt or angry spouse.
#5) Discussions about Facebook
For many of those over the age of thirty, this is their first time ever being a part of an online social network. The feelings of uncertainty and anxiety are fairly normal and valid as they try to understand how to operate and function in a 24/7 online community. If they’re married, they are also viewing what their spouse is doing on Facebook. Any expressed concerns about friends, comments, or communications may be quickly dismissed by the other spouse with, “it’s only Facebook,”, “it’s just a website,” or “it’s not real, I’m just having fun.”
With these common Facebooking issues, the sooner couples learn how to talk about setting up boundaries and using common sense in this social media age, the better off they will be. Especially since being a part of an online social network is not going away anytime soon…or ever.
Our new book, Facebook and Your Marriage, combines our Facebook experiences, marriage education training, and fifteen years of marriage to help couples handle all five of these Facebook-related arguments.
Here’s how Facebook and Your Marriage can help:
#1) Time-saving tips, time-balancing input, and a framework on how to talk about time spent on Facebook and set boundaries without turning it into a lengthy, never ending argument.
#2) Insightful input on sending and accepting Friend Requests and how to set up boundaries surrounding Facebook Friends to protect marriages from potential problems including high-maintenance people or the chances for an emotional affair!
#3) Basic rules for (online) civility and practical ideas for couples to create their own Facebook etiquette so that both husband and wife can decide what is and is not acceptable to post on Facebook!
#4) All sides of the issues related to public and private correspondences, as well as no-nonsense advice on what should and should not be written in updates and comments!
#5) Successful tools and skills that work so couples can have discussions about online issues, share concerns, and talk about their relationship so both sides are heard, understood and everyone wins!
Facebook and Your Marriage reads like a series of online discussion boards in book form, making it easier for couples to find answers to over 120 common questions and issues ranging from Facebook basics to marriage stressors!
Hopefully, Facebook and Your Marriage can help bring peace between husbands and wives…on Facebook and at home.
Buy the Book here:
http://store.powertochange.org/p-392-facebook-and-your-marriage.aspx
Speak Up
This past week I have been, quite literally, voiceless. A bad case of tonsillitis left me with little more than a whisper. It’s been a very quiet week. Today I still don’t have my voice back but I’m feeling just a bit better and I started to notice the changes in my behavior. I realized I’ve been stepping back.
I did not attempt to say hello to the receptionist when I got to the office this morning. She was facing away from me and I knew that my little whisper wouldn’t carry. Silently, I walked over to the elevator. I couldn’t really participate in the office chatter. I didn’t call out to a friend I saw across the parking lot. My world got smaller and smaller.
I realized that I had not stopped trying to speak because I didn’t feel I had anything to say, rather I was so sure I would not be heard that it just wasn’t worth the effort. That got me thinking about the other people in my world who are voiceless, not because of an illness but because of their circumstances.
When there are no words
Some of my friends feel voiceless because there are no words to express the pain they are feeling. Others are silenced by shame – nice girls don’t talk about that. Still others are silenced by finances – it’s so much easier to say “I’d rather not, thanks” than “thank you but I can’t afford that.” Each one steps away, steps into a smaller world because there are no words to bridge the gap.
It’s a pretty helpless feeling, being voiceless. It feels like drifting. If I fall down in a forest and no one hears me, did I make a sound? Insight is lovely, but action is better. So now, while our attention is on the voiceless how do we help the people in our lives who cannot speak for themselves?
- Be observant. Sometimes a person just needs permission to speak. Without being intrusive, if you notice someone who seems quieter than usual, ask if they are okay. You might get a rote answer, but if you are fortunate, if you are a safe place, they just might tell you what is going on. Showing that you care gives them permission to speak.
- Be quiet. Some things really are hard to say out loud. Rather than start a conversation in the office where everyone can hear, you can care for your friend quietly by slipping them a card, or even sending an email. That way there is less pressure for them to respond but they will still know that they can speak if they want to.
- Be real. One of the best ways to show people that you can be trusted is to trust them first. Sharing your own challenges reminds those around you that we all struggle. No one has a perfect life – even though it can look that way to someone who is suffering. Break the silence and you might be amazed at what you hear.
How do you reach out the people in your life who have been silenced?
Related Reading:
10 Tips to Effective & Active Listening Skill
Talk to a Friend
Finding Financial Balance
It is often said that balance is the key to happiness. Financial balance is an important part of a balanced life.
Life can sometimes be like the balance scales our grandmothers used years ago with many different aspects of our beings coming together to balance and form the people that we are. We work and play, rest and expend energy, commune with our bodies and souls, exalt in joy and feel sorrow. Balance is the state that someone achieves when all of the aspects of life and self are in harmony.
What does balance mean to you?
While balance is necessary to have a satisfying, energetic, joyful life, it’s up to each person to determine what balance means to them. Nothing pull us more off balance than financial demands that challenge and wreak havoc on my relationships, health and career.
With your financial house is in order, you’re able to care for others. So that’s why it’s important to devote as much attention to your family’s financial health as you do to your physical health. When your family’s financial house is in order, you are better able to care for others.
Does your life need more financial balance?
The first step in creating financial balance is to take a look at where you are today. Grab a pen and take this quick quiz to find out more …
- Do you avoid thinking about your finances?
- Do you have a realistic financial plan for retirement?
- Are you taking advantage of tax-deferred investments such as RRSPs?
- Do you have a Registered Education Savings Plan (RESP) for your children?
- Are you able to financially support your charities and church as much as you would like?
- Do you have cash reserves to last three months in the event of an accident or disability?
- Could your family live comfortably on your death insurance, disability or critical illness benefits?
- Do you have an estate plan to ensure your family’s financial future?
- Have you reviewed your Will in the past three years?
- Do you have a clear and concise picture of your current financial position?
If you’ve answered NO to more than two questions, your life may need more financial balance. For help in getting your financial needs in balance so you can live a more generous life, contact FaithLIfe Financial.
Call 1-800-563-6237, or email communications@faithlifefinancial.ca.
Visit our website www.faithlifefinancial.ca
FOLLOW US ON Facebook and Twitter
<http://www.facebook.com/pages/FaithLife-FInancial/149546468394399> <http://www.twitter.com/faithlifefin>
Talking to Kids About Sex
Publishers’ note: This article was originally published Spring 2010, that will be evident in the details here, however due to the important nature of timeless truth this is being published here for our readers again.
I love the Ontario Catholic School Boards. We all owe them a debt of gratitude, whether we’re Catholic or not. They took one look at Dalton McGuinty’s new “let’s teach sex explicitly in grade 7” curriculum, and they said, “no way, no how”. And they forced McGuinty to stand down.
Recently a grade 7 student from a Belleville school shared with my grade 7 daughter about how she was “scarred for life” following her sex ed class. The teacher had whipped out rather anatomically specific plastic models, and then had passed them around this co-ed class, encouraging them to touch and to affix various rubber devices to “appropriate” places. She then demonstrated how the pieces fit together for heterosexual sex and for homosexual sex, and mentioned other things that couples enjoy doing together.
My little friend whined to my daughter furtively, “why did I have to know all that? It was so embarrassing! And I had to pass everything to the boy sitting behind me!”
When you’re a 12-year-old female, who still has Polly Pockets in her room, you really don’t want to be passing a plastic model of male anatomy in various states of arousal to a boy in your class with whom you have to do math homework. But after countless meetings in government buildings, bureaucrats decided that coed sex ed would break down that pesky modesty that kids naturally have, so that when 13-year-olds start groping each other, one of them may get the courage up to suggest a condom.
Turns out this experiment isn’t working very well in my little friend’s school. It has one of the highest pregnancy rates in the city, even among 13-year-olds. After hearing about their sex ed class, I could have predicted that already. By introducing sex so graphically at 12 and 13, you give the implicit mesage that “this is what kids do.” Perhaps we should instead be saying, “this is what kids should NOT do.” You’re not old enough. You’re not mature enough. So just say no. We tell students to say no to drugs; why can’t we say the same thing to teens about sex?
Before you all say “they’re just going to do it anyway”, back up the truck. More than half of 16-year-olds are not having sex, so abstinence is hardly impossible. And more and more studies are showing that abstinence education works. The American Medical Association published a study in February in its Archives of Pediatric and Adolescent Medicine that discovered that sex education classes that teach safe sex, and comprehensive sex education classes that teach safe sex but also teach abstinence, don’t affect teenage pregnancy or STD rates at all, unless it’s to make them go up. In contrast, abstinence education alone statistically delayed the onset of sexual activity. In the first large-scale, fully randomized study, abstinence education won. Plastic models with condoms lost. Are you listening, Mr. McGuinty?
And yet, as easy as it is to blame Mr. McGuinty, the real fault lies with us as parents. If we were doing our job and talking to our kids frankly, we wouldn’t be in this mess. Do you know the best way to reduce the teenage pregnancy rate? It’s not with sex ed classes. It’s not even with abstinence classes. It’s to eat together as a family, at least 4 times a week. Teens who eat dinner with their parents rarely become sexually active. They meet their emotional needs in the family, they feel secure, and they adopt their family’s values. Families that are too busy to talk to their teens, though, may suddenly find themselves with teens in crisis.
So thank you, Catholic School board, for standing up to the Premier. Thank you, Mr. McGuinty, for listening. Now for the rest of you, go cook dinner for your kids. At least that won’t leave them scarred for life.
Say Yes to Sex More Often
If sex is important in marriage, why does it slowly get put on the back burner?
One excuse that I am sick of hearing is “I don’t have time.” I’m sure you are busy. I know I am busy. But think of all the things that you make time for. If you really wanted to have sex you would make the time. So what is stopping you?
Take some time to really think about your reasons. What is it, specifically, that is getting in the way of your sex life? Take those reasons and discuss them with your spouse. Discussing sex expectations and desires is a good thing. Often we don’t talk about sex until we are about to have it or we’ve just had it. But neither of these times are the best times to have an in depth, honest and caring discussion.
Why can’t we talk about sex at other times? Why can’t we make the effort to improve our sex life? We are willing to discuss other aspects of our relationship, so I think sex should be included in that list. God made sex. He doesn’t have a problem with you talking about it with your spouse. In fact, I think he would encourage it.
Too much of a good thing?
A little while ago in the newspaper, I saw an article about a married couple that is having sex five days a week for 260 days. They are blogging about the experience. When I read that I thought: “Oh my goodness that couple is crazy! What are they on?” Then I read a little further and the article mentioned how they are becoming closer than they have ever been. That got me thinking. Why is having sex five days a week such a big deal?
I read another study that said that short sex more often is more satisfying. I was skeptical of this statistics. After all, how did they get their information? I wasn’t sure what to think. So I’ve decided to take a different approach to statistics. I am going to try them out for myself. Why not? If this is true, it renders the excuse “I don’t have time” useless.
Considering all this I looked at my own life, and I was feeling like a sex-starved wife. One of my love languages is physical touch. However, we got to a point in our marriage where we were rarely having sex – five days a week sounded like insanity to me.
Finding the real reason
I thought my husband had stopped wanting to have sex because it seemed like he was never interested. But what really happened was, he had given up on trying. He had asked me many times and more often than not I had said no. He could no longer handle the rejection so he stopped asking. Neither of us stopped wanting to have sex, we simply couldn’t match up those needs at the same time. And that was a big problem. The solution? Being available. Being ready. Being selfless.
I have to put my needs aside and realize I am not the only person in my marriage. If I want my husband to be concerned with my needs, then doesn’t the flipside of that also matter? I need to be concerned with his needs. If my husband wants to have sex why am I saying no? There are days when circumstantially it is not a good idea and no is the appropriate answer. But saying no without reason means something else is wrong. Something else is going on and it is important to figure out what that something is. No two people are the same. Your reasons are probably different than my reasons. The important thing to is to figure out your reasons and talk to your spouse so you can do something about it. Sex is a wonderful gift, a joy shared between spouses who have promised each other forever. Who says no to that?
Related Readings:
How to Cope When You Lose Your Job
“Out of work” doesn’t mean out of hope. No matter how much you anticipated it or how many of your colleagues find themselves in the same situation, losing your job due to downsizing, restructuring or any other reason can be a shattering experience. In fact, psychologists agree that sudden unemployment is as emotionally stressful as divorce or the death of a spouse or parent.
The stress is magnified if you are your family’s principal income earner, making it a double-barrelled blow to both your ego and your security. The approach to dealing with it is to take action not only in looking for new employment but in restoring other aspects of your life.
Here’s how to get started:
Accept and understand your emotions. You have a right to grieve, feel anger, and recognize that you’re depressed. Give yourself time to acknowledge these feelings and share them with your spouse or trusted advisor or pastor. Then promise each other to move beyond them and take charge of your lives.
Reduce your expenses. Talk to creditors about extending loan periods and reducing monthly payments. Set a tight household budget and stick to it.
Share the facts with your children. Don’t try to hide the situation from them. Gently explain what has occurred and that some changes are being made for a while – you may not leave the house at the same time each workday, or you may not be able to afford some things the family had planned. Young children tend to blame themselves for family problems. Assure them that they did nothing wrong, and you will continue to love and protect them.
File for employment insurance and other benefits. This does more than create income; it demonstrates that you are taking charge.
Recall other challenges you overcame. If you faced difficult transition points in the past and handled them well, reflect on how you managed to deal with them successfully, and the inner strength you drew upon. Find ways to apply that strength again.
Seek solace in your inner confidence – and nowhere else. Alcohol and drugs may ease the pain, but they won’t put you back to work. Find strength in your friends and your faith.
Two essential words: Be patient. If you don’t succeed in the first few weeks or months, review your strategy. Is your resume convincing? Can you improve your demeanour? Do you need different references? Do you need to consult an expert for assistance?
Assess your personal strengths and goals. Many people evaluate losing their jobs as a turning point in their lives because it provided an opportunity to pursue a dream of independence or a career shift.
Like many other challenges in life, unemployment focuses our minds on the basics. Family, friends and faith suddenly become more valued than ever, and they are key to sustaining our strength during times such as these. Do not be shy about using them to help yourself and others.
Related Readings:
Coping with Your Husband’s Job Loss
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