My Story of Miscarriage and Stillbirth

by Christie H.

"We can’t find a heartbeat. I’m sorry, your baby is gone."

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. There had to be a mistake. I could still feel my baby moving and we had listened to the heartbeat just that morning. Why did this doctor keep insisting that my child was dead?

"Check it again! Check it again!" I screamed.

Shattered hopes and dreams

The nurse wheeled a doppler machine over to the bed and squirted cold jelly on my swollen belly. We heard a faint beat but the nurse said it was my own pulse I heard.

It finally hit me. My precious baby was dead. All the hopes and dreams I had were gone. I have no words to describe the pain, the utter despair I felt. It had never occurred to me that I might lose this baby.

He was our first child. After four years we were ready to build a family again. Then the wait began and it seemed interminable.

Another devastating loss

I gave no more than a passing thought to the concerns my husband had about my defective left kidney. My right kidney function was excellent and I was being closely monitored. The defective kidney was just a nuisance. I had just entered my sixth month when I began passing blood. I thought it was probably indigestion but it was an awful lot of blood.

I was admitted that evening and started on a course of antibiotics for what was most likely a kidney infection. After a small blood transfusion I began to feel much better. The doctors were talking of sending me home.

That morning I listened to my baby’s heartbeat for the last time.

Finding hope in pain

The days that followed were a blur. A CAT scan revealed that my kidney was bleeding profusely. It was not draining properly and blood was pooling in my kidney. It had put pressure on my womb.

Less than a week after surgery, I gave birth to my son. It was the most bittersweet moment as I held his tiny body close to mine!

I find it difficult to explain what I have gone through. As a child I made the decision to trust Jesus Christ with my whole life. Because I said a simple prayer so many years ago, I have peace and hope that only comes from God. I know that one day I will see my baby boy again and will see God face to face. I do not need to worry about my future.

Take a look at your life.  How would you describe it? Contented? Rushed? Exciting? Stressful? Moving forward? Holding back? For many of us it’s all of the above at times.  There are things we dream of doing one day, there are things we wish we could forget.  In the Bible, it says that Jesus came to make all things new.  What would your life look like if you could start over with a clean slate?

Living with hope

If you are looking for peace, there is a way to balance your life. No one can be perfect, or have a perfect life. But every one of us has the opportunity to experience perfect grace through a personal relationship with God through His Son, Jesus Christ.

You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. Here’s a suggested prayer:

Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Savior and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of person you want me to be.

Does this prayer express the desire of your heart? You can pray it right now, and Jesus Christ will come into your life, just as He promised. 

Is this the life for you?

If you invited Christ into your life, thank God often that He is in your life, that He will never leave you and that you have eternal life. As you learn more about your relationship with God, and how much He loves you, you’ll experience life to the fullest.

 

 

 

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Further Reading:
Choosing Joy in Your Life
In Control