Coming Home

I’ve always known I was adopted. To me, that meant my birth mom - the one person who was supposed to love me - didn’t. I was unloveable, worthless.

In junior high, I hurt myself physically, hoping to dull the emotional pain that never left me. Because no one noticed my many suicide attempts, I felt like a failure, and very much alone. I had no close friends, and believed my family didn’t love me either. There was nowhere to turn.

Then in college, I met someone who persistently cared for me even when I was mean, angry and defensive. She listened to me any time I called, and we became best friends.

Soon I realized how empty my life was. It lacked any purpose. Surely there had to be more to life than containing rage and tears. I began reading about world religions, but none of them offered what I needed.

I shared my feelings with another friend, and said I’d heard it was good to pray to God. So she led me in a prayer to receive Him into my life. "Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life," I prayed. "Take control of the throne of my life. Make me the kind of person You want me to be."

Nothing seemed to change at first. I was still depressed, but began to learn more about God and myself.

One day, I happened to pick up a book about childhood sexual abuse. I was shocked to see myself in the list of symptoms. I had never put all my hangups and odd behaviours together to mean anything before. Suddenly, I knew why I always felt embarrassed about my body and hated myself. Scared, I didn’t want anyone to know. I wanted to hide. Even now, I’m afraid of how others may react.

Counselling helped. So did my friends. They hugged me, though I didn’t hug back at first. They gave me confidence. They encouraged me to trust God and become the person He created me to be.
My turning point came at a Sunday morning church service, during a talk about abortion. A friend leaned over and whispered, "I’m glad your birth mom didn’t abort you." Stunned, I realized my birth mom loved me enough to give me life. She hadn’t rejected me - she loved me!

My husband also loves me. He knows my past and isn’t afraid. He forgets my mistakes, forgives me continually, and has infinite patience for me when I’m scared. This must be how God feels towards us all. I’m learning that I have worth because I’m His daughter and He loves me.

Looking back, I see more clearly how blessed I am to have my adopted parents, who, like God, loved me even when I shut them out. Healing will take time, but if I stay in my place of pain, I won’t grow. Daily, I must move forward, holding on to the promise in the Bible: "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away" (Revelation 21:4).

Take a look at your life. How would you describe it? Contented? Rushed? Exciting? Stressful? Moving forward? Holding back? For many of us it’s all of the above at times. There are things we dream of doing one day, there are things we wish we could forget. In the Bible, it says that Jesus came to make all things new. What would your life look like if you could start over with a clean slate?

Living with hope

If you are looking for peace, there is a way to balance your life. No one can be perfect, or have a perfect life. But every one of us has the opportunity to experience perfect grace through a personal relationship with God through His Son, Jesus Christ.

You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. Here’s a suggested prayer:

Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Savior and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of person you want me to be.

Does this prayer express the desire of your heart? You can pray it right now, and Jesus Christ will come into your life, just as He promised.

Is this the life for you?

If you invited Christ into your life, thank God often that He is in your life, that He will never leave you and that you have eternal life. As you learn more about your relationship with God, and how much He loves you, you’ll experience life to the fullest.

If you have a question first, click here