Suffering in Silence

For many years, I had no hope for a better future. I thought I would never grow up, that I would always live in a world of pain and hate. You see, I was a battered and abused child. I was placed into two foster homes and later returned to my parents. I almost lost the chance to grow up. At the age of two, I was admitted to a hospital–malnourished, battered, almost dead. I later wished that I was dead. I was placed on top of a hot stove, choked with a rope around my neck, beaten two to four times almost every day. This physical and mental abuse made up almost 18 years of my childhood. My older brother and sister were not abused.

As I walked to church with my parents, I was afraid of them. I would look at the people around me and cry out in my mind, "Look at me and my twin sister! We are being hurt!" But no one heard my silent cries.

In the midst of this terrible childhood, at the age of seven or eight, I was baptized. During that baptism, I felt love enter my little body for the first time, and I knew it was love. I was afraid to tell anyone about this funny feeling inside me–especially my parents. But although this love was with me, I hated God for giving me this terrible childhood suffering. Despite being classified as learning disabled, I graduated from Donora High School in Pennsylvania in 1970 at the age of twenty-one. I spent two years in the military, then began a campaign for awareness of child abuse.

Finally, in 1988, I became aware of something for the first time. I realized that God loved me. For so long, I had blamed God for my suffering, but He wasn’t the one responsible. My battered childhood had been the result of people’s disobedience to God. He hadn’t wanted me to suffer. In fact, He loved me so much that He sent His only Son, Jesus Christ, to die on the cross for all our sins–including mine and my parent’s. We are all guilty of disobedience to God, yet God paid the price for that disobedience through His own child. It was an incredible act of forgiveness.

After 35 years of blaming God, I accepted Jesus Christ into my life and asked Him for forgiveness. At that moment, I became a true believer in Christ. All those years, God was talking to me, but I would not listen. I admit that I’m not perfect, but I know that my faith in Christ brought significant change in my life. I went home to see my mother. I forgave her and hugged her. I don’t understand the "why" of my suffering, but my experiences have given me a unique perspective on what others are going through. It is now my mission to help others in similar situations. Many have made fun of me because of my handicap. People laugh, swear, and throw things at me as I reach out to children on the street. It isn’t easy for me, but God’s love inside lets me forgive those people for their actions. Christ has given me this special love to ease the pain and suffering I was going through.

Take a look at your life. How would you describe it? Contented? Rushed? Exciting? Stressful? Moving forward? Holding back? For many of us it’s all of the above at times. There are things we dream of doing one day, there are things we wish we could forget. In the Bible, it says that Jesus came to make all things new. What would your life look like if you could start over with a clean slate?
Living with hope

If you are looking for peace, there is a way to balance your life. No one can be perfect, or have a perfect life. But every one of us has the opportunity to experience perfect grace through a personal relationship with God through His Son, Jesus Christ.

You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. Here’s a suggested prayer:

Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Savior and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of person you want me to be.

Does this prayer express the desire of your heart? You can pray it right now, and Jesus Christ will come into your life, just as He promised.
Is this the life for you?

If you invited Christ into your life, thank God often that He is in your life, that He will never leave you and that you have eternal life. As you learn more about your relationship with God, and how much He loves you, you’ll experience life to the fullest.

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