Home Alone for the Holidays

Written by Claire Colvin

aloneholidays2Christmas, they tell us, is ‘the most wonderful time of the year’.  What they don’t tell us is what we’re supposed to do when it isn’t. As the cards and carols like to remind us, Christmas is a time for families and togetherness, peace and well being for all. If only the problems in life paid more attention to the songs on the radio.

If you find yourself facing Christmas alone, December can be the longest month of all.  If someone is missing from the celebrations this year, if a family member has been sick, or money worries are keeping you up at night it’s easy to want to echo the Grinch’s sentiment — “I must find a way to keep Christmas from coming!” There are some years when Christmas is more than we can do.  But more often, going into hibernation for a month isn’t a realistic plan.  Christmas is coming, with or without our permission.  So how do you face the season when it doesn’t look the way it used to?

If your circumstances have changes, remember that your plans and even your traditions can change too. This can be hard to explain to other family members, but stick to your guns.  If there is an event, even a family dinner that you’re already dreading politely decline.  The best part of being an adult is being self-determinant.  There are few things that are mandatory — like paying taxes and making sure your kids eat — but there are fewer than you might think.  This is supposed to be your season too, take back some control if you need to.

Tears in December: How I survived Christmas when someone was missing

Rearranging Christmas can take many forms.  Find the one that’s right for you.  It could mean having a quiet Christmas at your house this year.  It might mean buying a new set of ornaments for the tree if you’re not up to opening up the memory-packed boxes from last year.  It could mean going to a restaurant for Christmas dinner, skipping the whole thing and heading somewhere warm.  It really is up to you.

If Christmas is looking unfamiliar this year, if the house is unnaturally quiet there are things you can do to enjoy the season, even if you find yourself alone.  Try one of these ideas:

  1. Decorate the house. Even if you’re the only one who’s going to see it, take the time to decorate your home. You don’t have to put everything up, or drag all the boxes out of the basement.  It doesn’t have to look just last like year.  Put up a Christmas tree or hang some lights.  Bring some Christmas into your line of sight, even if it’s just something small.  One of the hardest things about spending Christmas alone is the feeling that everyone else is having a great time and you’ve been excluded. Make sure you’re not excluding yourself.
  2. Plan something special. There’s nothing worse than hearing everyone else’s excitement over the upcoming holidays and having nothing to look forward to yourself.  Plan a treat for yourself, something really special.  It doesn’t have to be Christmas-y at all, just make sure you’ve got something to look forward to.  Not only will it add to your holiday, but it’ll give you a great answer to that dreaded question “so what are you doing for Christmas?”
  3. Be around other people. Sitting around the house by yourself on Christmas Day is incredibly hard. Find people to be with. If you have friends that are alone this Christmas, host a dinner at your house. If you’d like to help out somewhere there are always soup kitchens and charities that need people on Christmas Day. Whatever you decide to do make sure you have someone to say “Merry Christmas” to.
  4. Give yourself some quiet time. Sometimes the reason we’re alone at Christmas is a sad one. If this is you this season, give yourself the time and the permission to feel sad. Scale back on your activities.  If there are some traditions you cannot face this year, remember that you can politely excuse yourself.  Christmas has a way of turning the world into fantasy where everyone is supposed to be happy and everything is wonderful. Resist the urge to fake a smile all through the month of December.

It can be tempting to skip the season altogether, to say “there will be no Christmas in this house this year”. I  urge you not to do that. Christmas gets all glammed up, but at the heart of it all, it celebrates a very quiet moment. You can pass up on the extras of Christmas, but don’t miss the promise of the season.

Read more: It doesn’t look like Christmas

Christmas began with a little baby in a stable.  It started with two parents who were tired from a long journey and caught off guard that the baby would choose this particular moment to be born.  It wasn’t glamorous, and it wasn’t shiny but it did mark the moment that hope came to the world.  (If you’re rusty on the details, you can read the Christmas story from the book of Luke.)

Whatever your circumstances this December, remember that what we’re celebrating here is hope. If you’re not able to wrap your arms around the noise of the season, then just wrap your fingers around that simple truth.  Christmas is Christmas because Jesus came down.  He came so that whatever we’ve done and whatever has been done to us can be redeemed.  He came to pick up the pieces — or as it says in the Bible, he came “to make all things new” (Revelation 21:5).  In Psalm 34 it says that he “is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” If that’s you this season, we’d love to help you get to know him.  You can send us an email or read more about knowing Jesus.

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199 Responses to “Home Alone for the Holidays”

  • Viera says:

    Corinna Steele- You said it so right. Some people just don’t understand what is it to be alone. I can sympathy with you because I was many years alone on Christmas and got married when I was 37 years old. I know what is loneliness even when Jesus is your Saviour and Lord and best friend. God said we should love Him the most and then people as ourself. So after loving God people are most important to love them and serve them. And by doing this we need to be in contact to them, nobody was created to be like alone on some island. I met many people who said that we should look at God that people will always disappoint but those people were in marriage or got married in their twenties and never were REALLY alone. I mean living life of a single for many years. Like you said we are made for relationship – with God and people. There are also many other factors when people are struggling more for being lonely or struggling less. If a person is not a social person he will understand less what is to suffer of loneliness. And on the other side if person loves being around people he will suffer more for being lonely. I always liked to be around people so I always find some way on Christmas to be with somebody from church or family.God bless you.

  • Chris Chris says:

    corinna steele…i sympathize with your feelings and would no way minimize your grief however since i have experience in this área, perhaps my personal history might help a bit. i came to mexico 25 years ago, alone. i left what was my home, parents and family in indiana and followed jesus here since i understood that any person on this earth who didnt know jesus as their lord and savior would not only miss christmas but would miss heaven altogether. you see, so much of what we call life in this world, our traditions and celebrations, really arent so many times because they die. i mean they are only temporary as the people and circumstances are in this world. anything that doesnt live on forever with us needs to be kept in right perspective in its importance so that when we no longer have the people we were used to being with or a particular celebration or festival, we can be happy with jesus always being at our sides. i encourage you to seek more of christs life and wisdom for your life so that you can be a victorious person 356 days a year regardless of the season. to know more about doing that log onto knowingjesuspersonally.com or click talk to a mentor above. i pray jesus confort you during these days especially and use you tremendously to confort others with the confort wherewith you are comforted in christ. blessings!!

  • Corinna Steele says:

    Christmas time is the worst part of my year. It was not always like that, in fact, I once cherished it. My birth month, December just seemed to be the best time of the year. It was the celebration of the birth of the Christ child and was filled with the hustle and bustle of preparations. It ceased to be that for me, and for many others with the loss of someone special. Since I am single and childless, my mother’s death was the end of all of my traditions. Somehow, the rest of my family also disappeared and for the past several years, I have been completely alone. Like my friends, their own families take priority and as a result, I am on my own. I know that I am not the only one; intellectually, I know there are many folks out there that feel the loss of this time of year. In my heart though, I feel shame at being “uninvited to the party” that is the rest of the world. Something must be so wrong with me that I am not a part of a family, albeit it a created one, and “included”.
    Earlier each year, Christmas decorations start appearing in the stores. In July this year, I saw my first hint of Christmas preparation. I admit, it gave me a stomach ache. I felt a wave of panic, similar to that of a young girl wondering if she would receive an invitation to a party. Oh my goodness, will I be all alone again this year?
    As the months go by, we are inundated by advertising and by folks chasing sugar plums. It is all about family, friendship and gifts. It is a season that is supposed to reinforce and cement relationships and boost our feelings of connection. People send out photos of their Christmas trees and their wrapped gifts and pictures of themselves and their families. For those of us alone, it is a time of emphasizing the sense of being adrift. No one in our lives is connected in just that way. For someone who is alone, it often seems there is no real place for us in society.
    I have read many articles about what to do when you are alone at the holidays. I do not find the idea of decorating my own home so as not to be “left out” comforting. Neither is it comforting to know there are others in my situation. AND most of all, it is not comforting for someone to say that this is a way of God reminding us to look only to Him, that people will always disappoint. Really? Loneliness, isolation and an overwhelming sense of loss are God’s way of reaching out to us? We are made to seek relationships and to be connected to others. Let us never forget that sometimes, we just need another being with arms. And that there is nothing wrong with the desire to be a part of other people’s lives.
    Feelings of depression, loneliness and being adrift are not something you can discuss with friends and family. It is not polite. And it is downer on those high on their own celebrations. Most people will probably never have to know what it is like to be alone at Christmas; to have no special plans for the day; to have no special dinner lined up; and what is it is like to awaken without a single gift from someone dear to unwrap. Most people probably never think about it. And in their scurry, flurry of shopping unceasingly, and wrapping gifts, and cooking huge meals, most people will never know that many of us long for January.

  • Chris Chris says:

    anna…so sorry to hear of your struggles. its true in this life, that people leave us either through death or by distancing themselves for some reason. that is why a personal relationship with jesus christ is so important since he is the only one guaranteed not to leave us. having lived now in mexico for 25 years, i came by myself but knowing jesus was by my side. how can a person live outside of themselves and be more than who they are at present? by letting jesus be their all in all. for more information on living victoriously through christ log onto knowingjesuspersonally.com or click talk to a mentor above. i pray jesus would confort you in your distress and show you how confidently you can live through him today amen!

  • jill says:

    Hi I live in surrey age 54 I am going to be on my own for Christmas I don’t want to be would love to share it with some one if anyone out there near me who on there on and don’t want to be get in touch

  • Hannah says:

    Christmas means family.. Celebration with your family..
    I dont know how to feel christmas last year was out there me working in the office during christmas eve… Having now.. 9000miles away from home unable still to celebrate christmas at home..
    We might not have all the foods on the table..nor the most expensive gifts..nor latest gadgets but we love to hear the christmas carols of the kids at the doorstep..and kisses and hugs from my parents and siblings “goodnight!merry christmas!”..
    Having the misa de gallo..and a hot soup every cold mornings..
    I moss my family so much…

  • Anna says:

    I don’t believe anyone really wants to be “alone” on Christmas. I know I sure don’t but it looks like that’s what it’s shaping up to be. I’m single, not kids. My mom has been gone for 15 years, and dad for 3 years now. Christmas always used to be with my brother and his family here in town. Ever since my father passed, my brother and has family have grown more distant and insular. It’s been very difficult. I’ve tried to talk about it with them but they don’t want to include me as part of the family. The year my dad passed they took off to visit his wife’s family in another state. Never bothered to tell me until a couple days before and didn’t offer for me to come along either even though they knew I would be alone for the holiday without them. It was only a few weeks after my dad’s passing and I was having a very rough time but it didn’t matter. I felt awful being left behind like that. I wasn’t invited to Thanksgiving this year either and I’m not being included for Christmas. As difficult as it is, I think I need to write them off because it’s too difficult to deal with the rejection. I wish I had some close friends here to spend the holidays with. I hope things get better in time and I can forget about the pain of rejection from my family.

  • Shelley Shelley says:

    Thank you for all three of you for your response to the blog. I want to first bring our Lord into your situations and that He will bless you beyond measure, that he will comfort you and heal you in Jesus name Amen

  • Josi says:

    TO ALDO WHO RESPONDED TO BOBBI ABOUT FAMILY…THERE IS ALSO THAT SAYING “THE POINT OF NO RETURN”…WHY DO YOU THINK THE JEWS FELL UNDER THE BABYLONIAN OPPRESSION? BC THEY HAD CROSSED THE POINT OF NO RETURN! YOU CANNOT ELIMINATE “GAY” FROM OUR SOCIETY, YOU CANNOT FORCE LOVED ONES TO TURN AND CHANGE FOR THE BETTERMENT OF THE FAMILY UNIT, YOU CANNOT STOP DIVORCE IN THE AGE OF A GODLESS SOCIETY…WHY? BC IN THE MOMENT A PERSON BELIEVES “HE/SHE IS RIGHT FOR ME” WITHOUT FURTHER INVESTIGATING…WHY? BC NO ONE LOOKS TO OUR GOD FOR DIRECTION AND DISCERNMENT!…WE WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO RETURN TO THE STATE WE WERE ONCE IN…IT WILL TAKE AN ACT OF GROSS OPPRESSION…JUST AS THE HOLOCAUST HAS HAD AN EVERLASTING EFFECT, SO IT IS WITH OUR WORLD AND TIMES TODAY…”AND IN THOSE LAST DAYS, PEOPLE WILL BE LOVER’S OF THEMSELVES”…TAKING ON ALL FORMS OF IDOLATRY, ETC.

  • Carole says:

    Hi Steve,
    Sorry to hear all the losses you’ve had in the past 2 years and recently your best friend, your mother. I know it’s a difficult time but the answer is not in quitting or ending it all as you say. You will come through this. As the saying gos “you don’t know how strong you are until strength is your only option”. Now I’m not one of these people who say all this and meanwhile have a normal Christmas with a real family & other luxuries.
    I have been alone many Christmases in my lifetime. I hope I can be a help to you and can give you some encouragement [it is our policy not to publish personal contact information] Be blessed1

  • Holger E. George says:

    Thanks Susan
    Well is just not so easy going to a church. Would have to walk to the next Village. That takes me an hour, in that weather and the condition my leg is in. Goes even uphill, no good for a push bike. Not a good idea. Bought a car just a few weeks ago, problem is I can’t drive that d… thing. Just taking driving lessons for it. Have to wait till spring, to get me a new bike. The old one was worst of then my leg. After my accident. Someone said, read a book, paint a picture and so on. Those things I do every day. I turn wood and carve as well.

  • Doris Beck Doris Beck says:

    Steve,
    I too am sorry for your loss. Unfortunately our site cannot act as a dating service so we are unable to connect you and single ladies(sorry Julie) Have you tried some of the online dating services such as EHarmony or ChristianSingles? I have good friends that met online and went on to have great marriages.

    Praying that you will find others to spend time with especially during this holiday season.
    Doris

  • Julie says:

    Steve,

    I’m sorry for your loss. I’d like to correspond with you more if you are up to it. I don’t want to rush on a plane to meet a stranger, but I’d be up for e-mailing. I’m single 42, never married, no kids. Julie

  • Jamie Jamie says:

    Hi Steve, sorry I am not a single woman and live no where near Portland but my heart aches for all the pain you have been going through. When did your mom pass away? You mentioned she was in a nursing home, was she sick? Not every son describes his mother as his best friend. Why was she such a good friend for you? Have you guys always been close?

  • Steve says:

    Any lonely single woman to want to celebrate Christmas with me? I am 51, I live in SE Portland, Oregon, and in the past 2 years I have lost my wife, my son, my Dad, my sister, my Grandma, and just recently my best friend, my Mom. At least last year my Mom was with me, albeit in a nursing home. All that now has changed as well as getting fired from my job. All my ex-friends are drunks, thieves or drug addicts of some kind, and I have always been a very kind & trusting person. If anyone has any good ideas (other than going to a church gathering), please let me know, as I would just as soon end it all. Much love and peace. -Steve

  • Aldo Aldo says:

    Bobbi, I am sorry about your mother’s passing. I do believe that although your sister’s in-laws are very clannish and frankly not that friendly, that you owe it to the memory of your mother and to your siblings to do all you can to stay in touch with them, spend time, especially the holidays, with them, and and endeavor to remain in unity with them.

    One of the greatest problems in our society today is the breakdown of the family unit. You’re probably not old enough to remember the “old saying,”As General Motors goes, so goes America.” Well, that may be true to some extent, but the truer version is, “As the Family Unit goes, so goes the Nation.”

    We, here in America, have suffered extensively from the effects of divorce, same sex marriage, co-habitation, and the disunity and estranged relationships in our families. What is needed to reverse the entire problem is a return to the Christian principles on which this nation was founded.

    All to often, those who are able to effect a change question the feasibility that one person can make a difference. But, if each one in turn chose to make that change the outcome would be achievement. At the very least, that one person would not be supplementing the problem.

    Bobbi, allow me to pray for you:

    Heavenly Father, thank You for Your love for Bobbi. A love so great it is unfathomable. Help her to grasp the magnitude of that love. Help her to comprehend the sacrifice You made for her in sending Your Son Jesus Christ to suffer and die for her sins, and the sins of all mankind. Lord, I pray that You would give Bobbi the desire to re-establish the relationship with her siblings which I believe her mother would have wanted. Grant her the renewed joy of having fellowship with her brother and sister and their families, in Jesus Name I pray, amen.

  • oliver says:

    I am alone in this Christmas and irs hard, if any lady want to spent together she can let me know to chat before we meet

  • Bobbi says:

    I am single, no kids, and my family isn’t close. I have the choice to go to my sister’s house and be with her husband’s family, who are very clannish and frankly not that friendly. My brother and his wife always go to her family’s house. So that leaves me. My mom, who was my closest friend, died a few years ago and I’m still grieving. I don’t have close friends who would invite me, so I’m going to find a charity that needs help on Christmas Day. What I refuse to do is sit at home feeling sorry for myself. If I can’t find a charity then I’ll just take a short trip somewhere and stay in a nice hotel, maybe go to a spa and have some pampering or something. Or just stay home and read a good book. Being alone is sometimes necessary, but that doesn’t mean I have to wallow in loneliness.

  • Susan Susan says:

    Hi Holger,

    Why do you want to be left alone. Why not find a spirit filled church involve in some church activities..?

  • Susan Susan says:

    Hi Mary,

    Excellent ideas! You are so right, God is shaping us to focus on Him, to trust Him….Hallelujah!

    I like the way you mentioned, “set up a place in my community that would be open on Christmas for people to come and enjoy a meal…

    May God bless you!

  • Susan Susan says:

    Hi Chris,

    WOW! I like the way you engage yourself on Christmas day!

  • Holger E.George says:

    Yes, three years after my motorbike accident and countless surgery, I started walking again, without crutches. Able to ride a push bike, so not so bad. Compensation claim sorted and I received a huge amount of money. Charity’s invite me now to Christmas parties. That didn’t happen, when I was lonely and couldn’t walk, with barely enough money to heat the house. Now I have to leave my dog outside, so nobody comes to knock at my door. Decided to buy a house even further away from people, got used to be on my own.

  • Susan Susan says:

    Hi Chris,

    WOW! I like the way you engage yourself.

  • Susan Susan says:

    Hi agbai,

    I know it is not easy but why not call one of your friend at home and may cook together or talk some good topic? Never sit and talk about negative stuff but speak positive/good stuff. Or else, read some book, listen to good songs etc..?

  • Susan Susan says:

    Thank you Carol and D. Beck for your encouragement.

    My husband is not a Christian and he doesn’t show any interest so I don’t celebrate. So, I mentally prepare myself instead of feeling sad about it. If possible I take my son and go out or else sit at home and do something. Now, I have got used to with that. So, I don’t feel bad about it now.

  • agbai mang says:

    i really dont want to be alone on xmas but i cant help it

  • Doris Beck D. Beck says:

    Chris, doing a shoebox is a great start to learning to reach out during the holidays. Since you are alone, next holiday why not try offering to help at a homeless shelter or the Salvation Army….some place that serves others where you too can get involved. Join in reaching out and it will change your perspective guaranteed.

  • Doris Beck D. Beck says:

    Carol thanks so much for your encouraging words and for engaging here on this blog post. You make a very good point, that you reached out and made new friends who in turn became your ‘chosen family’ as you said. We have lived far away from our families our entire life so we too have had to do that and we have amazing friends as a result. You sound like a very wise lady!

  • Chris says:

    I am in my fifties, female, with aspergers. I am alone every Christmas as I have no family. I do find it the loneliest time of the year and although I make sure I have some good books to read and DVD’s to watch, it is always a massive relief when it is over. I do a shoebox with presents for a child in a poorer country every year so I don’t only think of myself, but I would give anything to meet someone nice to settle down with and not to be on my own any more, either at Christmas or during the year.

  • Carol says:

    Dear Sam,
    You missed the point. This is what you can do after you decide that you
    have sat alone long enough……I can’t even count how many holidays
    and other days I have been alone too with NO ONE!!!! I moved to another
    state and knew NOBODY and my family didn’t want me either. I have been
    there and that’s why I’m writing. You too have something……you have a
    computer…….checkout lightshouse.org. Maybe it will help you too.
    Best of luck

  • Carol says:

    p.s….to Dan.
    The last time I got sick I was in ICU for 7 weeks and had a reaction to
    steroids they gave me to treat my illness and ended up not being able to walk. I spend 1 month in a rehab facility and the last 2 months in a nursing home. My “chosen family” friends came to see me and I also made friends with the people in the Nursing home.My relatives did not. You will be able to do that too………make friends in the hospital and the home and let them care for you and help “heal” not only your body but your spirit too!!

  • sam says:

    This story says she has family and friends
    this is not a story about being alone on Christmas
    This is just a story about a person who does not like at times Christmas.
    Its a stupid story.
    Real loneliness – those who are homeless – would appreciate a helping hand.
    Next time you sit in your cushy place hating Christmas and family and freidns, think of your blessings.
    Stupid story.

  • Carol says:

    HI Dan, and anyone else who can benefit from this.
    Sounds to me like your family has assigned the “scapegoat” role to You.
    You might want to read up on being made the “scapegoat” to better understand
    what happened to you and why they are doing it. There is a really good
    webside called…..lightshouse.org that really explains how this happens. I
    am the family scapegoat also and I got seriously ill and came very close to
    dying twice in 2 years. My family did not come see me either except my niece,after much convincing on my part after I got home she did come help me but said a lot of abusive things while she was here. Now I have been told not to come home for the holidays…………I really truly didn’t do anything to deserve this……….and neither have you. I am betting without even meeting them that your family is very dysfunctional………..and you have
    been affected by it. Please don’t give up on yourself…….give up on them…..let them go……get yourself “educated” on what’s “really going on” and get well and move on to a better life. I KNOW you can do it, because
    I have………I’m letting them go, as painful as it is and I am making new
    friends who are becoming my “chosen family” and once you make up your mind
    to do it and “let go” of all your expectations……….you will be FREE
    and able to live a life you probably can’t see from here right now. Give
    it a try……you can always be dead……but you can’t always be alive
    so FIGHT FOR “YOUR” LIFE……you do Matter even if not to your family.
    Why let them be your Master anymore?………Become your own Master, get
    strong….let go of them!!!
    I hope this helps.
    A person with a sicko dysfunctional family too

  • Barbara Alpert Barbara Alpert says:

    Thank you Josey for your lovely words of encouragement and hope given to MCD and Linnietea. Surely, God comforts those so they can turn around and offer the same comfort given to them. Again, thanks for allowing God to work through you in being a comforter to others during this tough time of the year for many who feel alone. May God continue to bless and use you in service to Him on behalf of others.

  • Claire Colvin Claire Colvin says:

    Hi Dan, I am so sorry to hear that you’ve spent the day alone. I cannot imagine the pain you are in but suicide is not the answer. I heard someone say once that suicide is what happens when our pain outweighs our resources to deal with pain. I don’t know if it’s possible to decrease your pain but I know for sure that it IS possible to increase your resources for dealing with it.

    There is a list of resources for suicide help here. The most important thing is this: call a suicide prevention hotline and talk to someone who is trained to help. I-800-SUICIDE works anywhere in North America.

    I don’t know if you have a faith background or not, but everything you need to know about how much God loves you and why that changes things is here. I pray that God will reveal Himself to you if you don’t know him and draw closer to you if you do. There is hope for you Dan. It may not feel like it tonight, but there is hope.

  • Dan says:

    I spent Xmas alone with my dog thankfully along with thanksgiving. My family does not acknowledge me as there family from past mistakes. My brothers and sister make mistakes and used drugs and all and are praised for anything they do well. Anytime they help they get paid very well since my family is extremely wealthy. I offer to help for free just so I can have a mother and she still denies me or my help. She pretends to care and texts every once in a while thats it. I moved up here from the south due to a illness and was given less than a year to live.i am more stable and made it past that year and go for surgeries again starting jan 13th. Sad thing is I’ll have to have my insurance drive me as they pay since I’m disabled and its a minimum 10 days stay and I know no one will visit and it’s maybe 10-15 minute drive. I did to prison time before.never heard a word,letter nothing from my family and stay out of trouble and do whats right but still looked at bad from things 20yrs ago. I’m on heavy pain meds and my brother was addicted and went to rehab. I’m not allowed over any family’s house since it could trigger my brother since I have pain meds. Thats there excuse. I pray I don’t survive thru these following surgeries. There’s no point of living life to just wake up daily miserable,in pain and alone and it’s the same every day. My life consist of dr appts and the pharmacy. I see 7 specialists so I’m at the drs quite often. Not once has my family drove me or picked me up even for serious hospital testing. Already was told when I get out of the hospital I’ll probibly have to stay in a nursing home or have a nurse come here often since no one will have time to help me out. My family vacations out of the country once or twice a month but don’t have time to see me.ive told my shrink what I feel and that I’m tired of living life this way.. Nothing has been done or any meds to help. I’m ready to go.almost 40 and I don’t want to live alone for the rest of my life and be alone and suffer from a illness.couple illnesses.

  • josey says:

    @ linnietea…
    I love God and I love his son Jesus…you have family…I am your Sister in Christ…Your story has struck a chord in my heart and I am here to encourage you…you are not alone and neither am I…we hold on to these truths regardless of family and the pain that accommpanies it…We place our complete trust and faith in him and him alone…we forge ahead with hope and a future…We forgive because He forgave, We love because He first loved us…you were never alone in the ward…Jesus was always there…Now you know…Merry Christmas! and Thank you Jesus for coming for us in this quiet stillness of the night, when we are alone and crying…this “ward” of life…We were once orphans but Jesus has come to take us for his own and He lives and will come again, soon and we’ll be together forevermore…

  • linnietea says:

    when we were kids,we didn’t know we were poor until someone told me.I was 1st to leave home,joining the military(my sister’s idea).I realized then how dysfunctional my family really was.to be threatened to be sent to reform school,traded for a better little girl who would be nicer.one Christmas I was in a hospital for issues due to my dad’s behavior;all the patients were given a pass for Christmas day,no one came for me.My family didn’t want me.I was considered an enigma,my family was ashamed of me,so I was left alone with the whole ward empty,save the staff who had no choice but stay because I was there.my family disagrees with my beliefs that Jesus is GOD manifested.I’m the family scapegoat in their eyes.I have learned to give myself a CHRISTMAS present and have a special meal.yeah,I hurt,but Paul said to learn contentment in God.I love my family(I said I had none): they reject me,I would love to see all of them in spite of the past.God forgave me,how can I not forgive.I didn’t say it was easy,fun,without lots of pain but there is something that happens when Love really comes in your heart.MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL MY BROTHERS/SISTERS IN JESUS.
    I would love to have acquaintances,it really does matter that you know someone cares.

  • josey says:

    @MCD
    First off…Merry Christmas to you my dear sweet soul…and to everyone who is alone.
    Your story almost matches mine to a “T”…the only difference is He most likely departed sooner when given the news of my cancer…
    Talk about abandonment…It comes in many forms
    Friends and Family also were dis-approving…as this went on for over 10 years…I believe 13 years total…
    I also gave completely to this relationship…prior’s had all failed…I was determined to change whatever it was in me that was causing failure…at the end, I realized…It wasn’t what I was doing wrong, but what He was doing wrong. Unlikely scenario, as we blame ourselves first and were worse off when someone is trying to convince us that it is us and not them.
    I am going to copy and past your story…As I am also going to rebuild and pray no more lonely years. If it not in a relationship capacity then possibly something else…but the refusal of being alone again flows like a torrent river through my soul and inner being…this in itself can be healing. That strength like a river headed towards healing…
    In this attempt to reestablish ourselves, I would like to request to be added to the building of your network.
    Your “alone testimony” really spoke to my heart.
    The “Power to Change” really lies in the hope we’ve been given.
    I place my trust in Jesus for all areas of my life now.
    He is the one who understands like no one else.
    He came as a baby in a manger, lived and taught us how to love and died as a ransom for many.
    He did not come to be served, but to serve.
    Thank you Jesus! My gift of eternal life.
    This is what we shall fix our gaze on. Not the pain and disappointments in our hearts.
    Merry Christmas MCD…and may the joy and peace of Jesus reign in you!
    Josey

  • MCD says:

    For the second year I am alone at Christmas as my boyfriend of 10 years has never included me in family events. He moved out of the city last Christmas and since then he has been fading out of this relationship both emotionally and physically. I am using this hurt and my feelings of abandonment to push me towards change. By News Year Day all reminders and mementos that I have collected over the years will be disposed of, as they only serve to remind me of broken promises and my relentless blind hope. I invested completely in this relationship and cut all ties with people who saw the relationship as it truly was and disapproved (which was everyone!). Too much time has passed for reconnection so I must start again to build a social network. It won’t be easy as I’m in my 40’s but I promised myself I will not be alone again next Christmas.

  • Barbara Alpert Barbara Alpert says:

    Dear Anna, so sorry to hear about the issues that you are facing at this time. Although he does not desire to go for counseling have you given thought of perhaps going for your own wellbeing? Is there perhaps a Pastor or counselor at your local church that you could possibly make an appointment with and talk to about all that is taking place? Also, we have private online Mentors available if you would like to connect with one of them. There is no charge and one would connect with you via email. Here is a link if you desire to have one contact you:http://powertochange.com/experience/talk-to-a-mentor/

    At this time I would like to pray for you.

    Father God, I pray on behalf of Anna. I ask that You would comfort her through this difficult time she is facing. I ask that You would place a few good friends in Anna’s path at this time that would be of great help and encouragement to her. I pray that she will feel Your presence with her as Your Spirit ministers to her hurting soul. I ask that You would provide for Anna’s financial needs at this time as well. May You provide her with immeasurably more than she could ever hope or imagine so she can pay her bills and not be so stressed over them. In Jesus’ name, Amen

  • Anna says:

    Hi my husband of a year and half moved out 3 weeks ago.. Till then we were trying for a baby and buying a house . Then he changed and started being always angry at me and told me he didn’t love me and marriage was a mistake. Lon story short I found out he was cheating on me. He didn’t want councelling and wanted out. He moved out and rented a place without telling me anything. Cancelled sky and didn’t pay his half for all our bills in December. I am Italian and all my family live in Italy. So I will be spending Xmas day alone. New year and all the other holidays coming alone. While he will be in Essex with his English family.. His new mistress .. We were married only a year and Half ago .. The world collapsed upon me.. Am workin like mad to cover all the bills.. Have no heatin on trying to save cash while he has just spent 8.000 pounds on new furniture for his new place and a holiday …life sucks

  • Michael Jantzen M. Jantzen says:

    Hello Susan, thank you for sharing. Christmas can be a wonderful time, but it can also cause our personal pains and losses to come to the surface. There seems to be some ongoing wounded-ness and grief that is holding you back in life. I would encourage you to journey with one of our free and confidential email mentors, who would listen and encourage and give perspective when you’re open to it. Just click here. Many have benefited from this ministry or ours; it’s a service of our registered charity; no one will seek payment from you. Take care. http://powertochange.com/discover/talk-to-a-mentor/ Here’s another article or ours about coping with loneliness at this time of the year. You may benefit from reading it: http://powertochange.com/discover/lonely-christmas/

  • Susan says:

    My mom died 6 years ago next February. Every year at xmas I feel the loss more because xmas was her favourite time of the year. I have 4 brothers, only 1 speaks to me but is consumed by his wife so I never see him. The other 3 are still upset because my Mom left her insurance to me when she passed. Her and I were closer than the boys thought so leaving me money really upset them. I knew she left it to me because I was the one who needed it the most. She told me once to use the money on a cheap funeral and to keep the rest but I couldn’t do that. I spent most of the money on HER. I think she deserved it. I only have 1 true friend but at xmas she is busy as she has a large family. I have 2 married children but one is away. I know I prob have more than some on here but I will still be alone for xmas. I always spent my xmas with my mom and even after 5 years (Christmas) of being alone, I still miss her something terrible. I don’t hate being alone normally but at xmas…I do. To Burnette out there …I do know what your going thru, I went thru similar to that as the wives of my brothers are really hateful. I even had one ask Mom when she was dying why she put the insurance in my name. My mom responded because I had lived with her in her life more than the rest. Not sure that was the best answer but Mom adored the boys and didn’t want to cause trouble. Today, I am the one that goes to the grave the most. One of them visits on her birthday and the other boys don’t go at all. Anyway, I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Life goes on so just to try to get some kind of pleasure out of something this year …that’s what I’m going to do.

  • B. Miller B. Miller says:

    Hi Penny,

    Thank you for sharing your pain of loneliness in this season, and for the courage of reaching out for help. I truly do understand that deep sense of loneliness and longing for family that once was together. What has helped me of late is turning to the True meaning we celebrate this Christmas Season. Each year, I have begun reading the Scriptures daily and, especially, the Gospels, in December, and I also try to find a good book on the real meaning of. Christmas. Here are some FREE Resources from RBC Ministries that I pray will help you to do that, if you would also like to join me in doing the same. The first is a Discovery House Booklet called “Mary and Joseph”:

    http://discoveryseries.org/discovery-series/mary-joseph-reflecting-on-the-wonder-of-christmas/

    The second is called, “The Light of the World”:

    http://discoveryseries.org/tag/christmas/

    If you do not happen to have a personal copy of the Holy Bible in which you can read the Gospels and the accounts of Jesus’ birth and the story of His incredible life and sacrifice that we may have an intimate, personal relationship with Him, our Lord and Saviour. You may do so here in the version of your choice at Bible Gateway. At this site, you may also listen to the Bible in the New International Version:

    http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Luke%201&version=NIV

    Lord Jesus, I ask that You bless Penny this Christmas, and that You draw her close to Your heart. Enable her to feel Your amazing Love for her, a Love so great, so abundantly overflowing that You left Your heavenly safety and comfort to come to this earth to be born in a filthy manger and experience every pain, every rejection, every sickness, every loneliness and anguish that we on earth know and have ever known and ever will know in order to pay the price of sin in our place. Why? Because we never could, Lord Jesus, and You could not be in the presence of sin, yet You love us all so much You desire to live with us forever. Thus, You were willing to suffer and die in our place so that we could be reconciled to You and dwell with You forever and ever! What love is this? Amazing love that is too great for any of us to truly comprehend. Amazing love greater than any human love! Truly, Lord, it is unconditional love and acceptance of each one of us, that we may come to You just as we are. I pray that, this Christmas, Penny may come to You just as she is and experience Your holy Love and acceptance of her in a brand new way that will make this Christmas the most special she has ever known. I ask these things in Your holy and mighty Name, Christ Jesus. Amen.
    May God bless you in every area of your life, Penny, and may He grant you a blessed and beautiful Christmas.

    Hi Margaret,

    I am sorry you have had such negative experiences with your family, and such hurtful responses to your attempt to care for her. Such ingratitude in the face of our efforts to care for our loved ones can leave us embittered and filled with deep pain for the rest of our lives, but it does not have to be that way. It is my prayer that you can know you did the best you did for your Mom despite her inability to receive your love and care with thanksgiving, and that you can seek the help of God to forgive her for her lack of gratitude. If you choose to release the pain that she gave you through her negative and hurtful comments by seeking to forgive her, rather than holding onto the hurt and remaining bitter, you are the one who will be set free to live with peace, joy, and a heart open to love, rather than overflowing with the burden of past hurts and hatred. Margaret, please know that I am speaking from past experience, not from a place of judgment. When I turned to Jesus and asked His help to forgive my family for the hurt I felt from years of caring for my mother and receiving mostly complaint and refusals of help from other family members, as well as a heart filled with pain and bitterness, He set me free from years of anger, bitterness, and forgiveness I refused to offer. In return, I have truly found peace, a deep relationship with my Lord and Saviour that I did not know was possible, and a True Love in Him that surpasses any that this world has to offer. And all of this is available to us right now if we will just reach out and receive it from our Lord, Who gave His very life that we may live with and in His loving Presence simply by being willing to receive Him as our Lord and Saviour. All of our past darkness and misery can be given up for Present Light and Hope! It truly is a wonderful exchange! It is my prayer, Margaret, that you choose the Gift of Christ this Christmas and the opportunity to know Him in a deep, personal way. If you would like to know more about how to do so, please check out the following link:

    http://powertochange.com/discover/faith/discoverpurpose/

    May God richly bless you with His peace this Christmas, Margaret.

    Hi Josey,

    Thank you for sharing your story. I am deeply sorry for your pain and for the abandonment you have experienced on so many levels. It is so very true that we human beings are self-centered to the very core. I am glad that you know that Jesus will never leave you and that He is always with you. For, truly, Jesus and only Jesus Christ, our Lord and Saviour, has the ability to change our selfish nature from the inside out, and He is the only One Who came to serve, not to be served, and He teaches us to do the same. Unfortunately, even those of us who follow Him often get focused on how others who follow Him fail us in the Church, and we can forget that we are not called to come into the Church so that we can be filled up with more getting, but so that we can learn to give as Jesus Himself gave. It is only by fixing our eyes on Him and keeping them fixed firmly on Him and His everlasting, faithful Love for us, Love that will never leave us nor forsake us, that we can continue to grow and not become embittered by this world around us and therein become like it, so that our light is hidden under a bushel and we are no longer distinguishable from those around us. It is true that, we as the Church need to wake up so that we do not blend in with those around us rather than standing apart from them as a beacon to all who so desperately need a Saviour. What is so very important to understand is that Jesus is our Saviour, and He alone can rescue us from the hurts and heartache of this life; no one else can do so, regardless of how near and dear to our hearts that they may be.

    It is my prayer this Christmas, Josey, that you can turn to your precious Lord and Saviour, and seek Him to help you find forgiveness for the many who have wounded you by running from you, rather than to you, in your time of deepest need. For it is in forgiveness that you – and all of us – will find His peace and comfort, and I pray that such freedom from bitterness is His gift to You this year, as well as the amazing comfort and warmth of His holy Presence poured out in abundance until it is overflowing like a river in your heart. May you truly be deeply blessed this Christmas, Josey!

    Hi Suzanne,

    I am sorry that you have also experienced the abandonment of a loved one after twenty years in relationship together. Please know that I understand the pain of such heart-wrenching betrayal, and it is my prayer for you that you are blessed in your relationship with your Lord and Saviour to know Him in a new and deeper way than ever before. May Jesus draw you close to His heart and reveal His love and tender care for you in a manner that amazes you and that drives away every thought of loneliness, replacing it with an excitement and joy that you never knew was possible. Thank you, Suzanne, for reaching out with such care and tenderness to Josey in your own loneliness. That is the true caring that we, in Christ, are to have for one another. May God richly bless you this Christmas and in 2014 with His overwhelming love and amazing grace for you!

    Hi Mary,

    Thank you so much for your heart of love, a heart that is filled with the giving, caring nature of Christ your Saviour and Lord. It is so true that we are selfish at heart, and it is painful to hear the way in which families can wound one another without a thought. Yet, as our Lord said in the Gospel of Matthew, when He was told that His mother and brothers were outside waiting to speak with Him, “‘Who is My mother, and who are My brothers?’ And stretching out His hand toward [not only the twelve disciples but all] His adherents, He said, ‘Here are My mother and My brothers. For whoever does the will of My Father in heaven is My brother and sister and mother!'”(Matthew 12:48-50, Amplified Bible)

    We are brothers and sisters to one another when we invite Jesus Christ into our hearts as our Lord and Saviour, believing He gave His very life to pay the full penalty for our sins, so we repent of our sins and give our lives in surrender to Him. As He demonstrates here in the Gospel of Matthew, it is in being obedient to Him and His Gospel of Love that we distinguish ourselves as His family and family to one another in His Church. Thank you, Mary, for demonstrating such a spirit of generosity and giving in the midst of tremendous selfishness and uncaring attitudes. That is truly shining the Light of Christ in a dark and needy world! May you and your husband and son be richly blessed by the fullness of Christ in you and through you this Christmas and always.

    Hi Cindi,

    It is so true that we only have one day at a time, and I am grateful to know that you have faith in your Saviour and in the true meaning of Christmas. Even though you do not know what the future holds for us, Jesus does, and I pray that you will turn to Him and allow Him to help you through each day as you grieve the loss of your beloved husband. Each one of us experiences the loss of a cherished love differently, and only our Lord and Saviour, who indwells us, can truly know the depth of our pain, as well as our every need. It is my prayer that you will share with Him your every feeling, painful and joyful, and your every desire and seek Him with all of your heart. For, truly, the Lord does have “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11) Cindi, may He draw you close to Himself this Christmas and in the coming new year and comfort you and fill you with His strength and hope, enabling you to reach out and fulfill all your dreams in Him. It is in Jesus’ holy and mighty Name, I ask this. Amen.

    James, I agree that the birth of someone is not intended to ever cause you pain. Jesus did not come to cause you or anyone pain. Truly, His birth was intended for the exact opposite:

    “The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me,
    Because the Lord has anointed Me
    To preach good tidings to the poor;
    He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
    To proclaim liberty to the captives,
    And the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
    To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord,
    And the day of vengeance of our God;
    To comfort all who mourn,
    To console those who mourn in Zion,
    To give them beauty for ashes,
    The oil of joy for mourning,
    The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;
    That they may be called trees of righteousness,
    The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.” (Isaiah 61:1-3, NKJV)

    It is not our Lord who brings pain to us at Christmas or at any other time, James; it is ourselves and one another through our own wrong, sinful actions. Only Christ our Saviour and Lord can save us from ourselves and our sin. It is my prayer that you have a Merry Christmas and a Blessed 2014!

  • Cindi says:

    Merry Christmas all,
    This will be my second Christmas alone. My husband passed away Dec 10, 2012.
    Robert (my husband) battled cancer for 10 years, even though he passed away, his cancer never really dictated the quality of life he would live.
    Over the course of this past year, I have been alone, and have had plenty of time to reflect. Battling Cancer does isolate the spouse and the patient.
    For some unknown reason, the C word, causes family members, and friends to run, even at the final moment when the patient dies. So I can understand many that are lonely.
    I am still lonely, but I have grown this past year in many ways.
    I’ve learned that it is an honor to serve the ones you love, and when they are removed you feel empty.
    This year I did decorate, just a tree, that only I can see. I had an ornament made, to celebrate my husbands life. Good memories.
    I’ve learned that I am a lot stronger than I thought I was. I’ve made a few new friends along the way in my journey, but I am still alone at Christmas.
    I am a believer in the meaning of Christmas, and the Savior that was born. I’ve learned that Christmas isn’t really about me.
    I know my words aren’t anything special, but if you can find it in your heart to accept a Blessed Christmas, please try.
    No one likes being alone. Christ created us to be loving and to receive love.
    I don’t know what is in the cards for me, and it sounds cliché, but the best I can do is live one day at a time. And maybe Love will find me again.

  • B. Miller B. Miller says:

    Mary, thank you so much for sharing the pain that you have experienced in your family and the tremendous healing power that is only available to us when we open our hearts to the Love of Christ Jesus our Lord and Saviour. May God empower you with His strength and grace you by meeting your every need as you move forward to bless others in fulfilling your dream with the love that He has so obviously poured into your heart through His indwelling Holy Spirit!

    Joe, thank you for sharing the hurt in your heart due to the selfishness of those close to you in the past. While it may well be the norm for many of us, there is a way to fill our lives and our world with something much better than the pain of memories that wound: choosing to forgive those who have caused those very wounds. While I acknowledge that forgiveness is not an easy choice, it is the only way to freedom, which is why our Lord and Saviour so willingly forgave us at such a tremendous cost: His very life. He desires that each one of us live the abundant life that choosing to believe and receive Him by into our hearts and walking in forgiveness, as He has freely forgiven us, provides for us.

  • joe says:

    I think you people are what the real world is about. your x family sounds vindictive and greedy . im sure they accused you of mishandling funds right . ive been there its a sad place and world to let theses kind of people have any input in our world . happy holidays

  • Mary says:

    While I will not be spending Christmas entirely alone, it will only be my husband, 20 yr old son & myself. My sister removed herself long ago, brother passed away few years ago, however he also removed himself long ago as well, neither my sister or brother attended my wedding, even tho they lived nearby.
    My husband’s family does not want anything to do with us, even tho we moved into his Mom,s house & took care of her for 4 years,, she had alzheimers. During this time, as her illness progressed, family made fewer & fewer visits, said they could not handle seeing her that way. They never once offered to stay with her so we could have some family time with our son, it was always Dad & son or Mom &son or Mom & Dad, one of us has to stay behind. She passed away last year, and family kicked us out of the house to sell it. We were blessed, that our former apartment had said since we has been good tennants before, allowed us back into their apts., as my husband did not have a job

    What I want to say is that God allows us to go thru these things, in order to humble us to accept that we need Him! People will always dissapoint us, that is their nature,however Jesus is always there with us. We need to lean on Him, He will pick up the broken pieces of our life and put them in His hands and fuse them back together totally new. We just need to accept Jesus into our life, believe that he as God,s son sent to us out of God’s love for us, died for us, so he could pick up those broken pieces to make them new. Amen!
    God has put a thought into my heart to soon set up a place in my community that would be open on Christmas for people to come and enjoy a meal & maybe watch TV together, something that does not require mingling,as this can be a turn-off to shy people, like myself. Maybe some of you could do the same in your community…May our Lord bless era one of you.

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