Through Anxiety: A Path of Healing
How do we make sense of the chapters of our lives we’d rather didn’t exist? How do we re-write the table of contents when our story strays from what we had planned?
There is a chapter of my life that I had no idea would ever exist for me, nor would I have ever chosen this particular chapter. However, I am now thankful for it as I see the good it has brought.
December of 1997, I had a panic attack. I was out for supper with my husband and some good friends. I thought I must be having some reaction to the food. My heart rate was 120, I was white as a sheet and I couldn’t breathe. I wasn’t too sure what was happening, but it was a feeling like none other.
Six months prior, my husband’s brother had died at the age of 31. I thought I was doing OK with my grieving until that moment. After that, I began to realize that the state of anxiety that I was constantly in wasn’t going away any time soon. Continued panic attacks, increased fears and food phobias (as a result of the restaurant experience) began to shrink my world. A visit to my doctor revealed that physically I was healthy. What a confusing time.
A time of searching
One main issue that I began to struggle with was why had God let my brother-in-law die. I had placed God in a small box for many years. This loss blew my carefully designed “story” totally apart. Was I really willing to let God have control of my life? Did I trust Him? Did I want to believe that, just maybe, God was writing a little more of my story than I wanted to admit?
I began my search and finally began to be honest with myself and with God. He was, to my surprise, willing to answer my questions without putting me down. He was gentle and drew me into His arms. He began to show me that life is not full of fear. He began to show me JOY! I began to trust Him and just a bit, to let go of some of my control. A favorite verse of mine through this was Jeremiah 29:11which says “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” A hope and future were what I needed.
A time to heal
The chapter didn’t end there, though. I found myself facing my father’s death in 1999. I had not, for some time, had anxiety as severe as those few months in 1997. However, I knew that the anxiety was lurking underneath; still a tender and unhealed wound.
I joined a support group that was specifically for anxiety and panic disorder. I didn’t think that I’d need much help; just a bit of support to prevent what I’d experienced before. What a surprise, as I learned more about myself and the anxiety. I’m still in that group, now as an assistant leader. It is such a joy to see healing in others as they join and walk through their journey with us.
I’ve continued in my spiritual journey as well. God has never let me down. He has become my greatest friend; one in whom I trust so much more! At the beginning I would pray, “Lord, heal me from the anxiety”. Now I know that I needed to pray, “what exactly is it that I need healing from?”
Through the healing process, God has given me something special. With a willingness to risk and try new things, I began painting and writing. I also became the facilitator for a new online support group, “Coping with your fears and anxieties” that meets here on Women Today, on Tuesday nights.
Take a look at your life. How would you describe it? Contented? Rushed? Exciting? Stressful? Moving forward? Holding back? For many of us it’s all of the above at times. There are things we dream of doing one day, there are things we wish we could forget. In the Bible, it says that Jesus came to make all things new. What would your life look like if you could start over with a clean slate?
Living with hope
If you are looking for peace, there is a way to balance your life. No one can be perfect, or have a perfect life. But every one of us has the opportunity to experience perfect grace through a personal relationship with God through His Son, Jesus Christ.
You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. Here’s a suggested prayer:
Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Savior and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of person you want me to be.
Does this prayer express the desire of your heart? You can pray it right now, and Jesus Christ will come into your life, just as He promised.
Is this the life for you?
If you invited Christ into your life, thank God often that He is in your life, that He will never leave you and that you have eternal life. As you learn more about your relationship with God, and how much He loves you, you’ll experience life to the fullest.
