I Thought All Church Women Were Dull
The first years Gerry and I were married were so good. There was a happy, healthy little boy and a beautiful, bright-eyed little girl. Life was good, but there was something going on inside me that was not good at all. There was a vague, empty sense of hunger and discontent. It wasn’t Gerry’s fault, I knew. He was all I wanted him to be. We had a few disagreements and some rough spots, but I knew this was not the problem.
I vividly remember one summer evening driving home from the lake. The kids were asleep in the back seat and Gerry and I were talking over the wonderful day we had — sunshine, water skiing, steaks on the grill, great friends. Suddenly, deep inside, I felt this great emptiness. I had a great big hole in the middle of my heart.
Church would be good for my kids
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About that time a little white church was built at the end of our block and it was the same denomination that I had been raised in. I could not get out of the crescent in our neighborhood without going by it. Guilt began to eat away at me. I knew my kids would not learn of God if I didn’t teach them. I cared even more for their eternal destination than I did my own. I couldn’t blame Gerry. He didn’t know much about God at all from his family background.
Eventually my guilt got the best of me and I sent my kids to the Sunday school down the street. They weren’t always so anxious to go. It wasn’t fair that Mom and Dad got to sleep in on Sunday morning after I sent them off.
And the women didn’t wear tight buns!
It wasn’t long before I met the young pastor and his wife from that little church. Deanna was the sweetest, most sincere person I had ever met. The one thing that drew me to her more than anything else was that I sensed that she really cared about me. Deanna invited me to go to Christian Women’s Club with her. A meeting with “dull Christian women” was not something I really wanted to do but I couldn’t say no to Deanna so I just kept putting her off with excuses. She kept asking, month after month, until finally I agreed to go.
I was very surprised that night to find many warm, sweet faces like Deanna’s at the meeting. The evening was upbeat and fun. I had always thought that Christian women wore their hair in tight buns and never wore make-up or jewelry. I was sure that the more dated your style was the holier you must be. But that wasn’t what I found that night. These women looked just like me.
The speaker that night said that we only need to make one decision. God does all the rest. As much as I wanted the peace I saw in the eyes of Deanna and these other women, I wondered, How could I ever fit this into my life? What would I do with my social life? I was afraid that Gerry would leave me if I became “religious.”
I couldn’t formulate a prayer
Not long after that first meeting, I was told that I would have to have spinal surgery. With my background in nursing, I was not at all afraid of the surgery. I knew they would take good care of me. But the day after surgery I had an internal bleed into the bone. Although it was not life-threatening, it was excruciatingly painful. My painkillers weren’t enough and the confused student nurse left me alone to deal with it. I thought I was dying. My mind was whirling in pain. I could not formulate a prayer. I believed I was lost.
As soon as I was recovered enough to be able to leave the house I went to Christian Women’s Club again. I took my best friend, Joyce, with me. Joyce was not a Christian but she was interested. That night the speaker was a woman named Nicky. She was beautiful enough to be a movie star. Nicky talked about pride saying, “Sometimes pride is the only thing keeping us from coming to Jesus.” I realized then that it was my “what will everyone think?” thinking that made me so stubborn. My heart almost burst that evening. I knew that Jesus had died for my sins and I knew that there were a lot of them but I was so stubborn and I was so afraid of losing Gerry.
What would my husband think?
Joyce and I both went home in tears that night. Mine were from frustration and Joyce’s were because she never knew that Jesus offered a personal relationship with Himself and she was moved to the core. I struggled with the decision for three more days. Finally one evening I realized I couldn’t go on any longer without God. I had to have peace. I prayed that night asking Jesus to take control of my life. I knew that I was forgiven and finally I had peace.
The little church on the corner was filled with wonderful, warm, loving people who welcomed the kids and I with open arms and hearts. Gerry did not mind what was going on in my life. Years later he told me that he thought church must be pretty good because I often went there like a lion and came home like a lamb. Getting out of the house with two often reluctant kids did bring out the lioness in me.
It took ten years for Gerry to become a Christian but that’s his story. God reaches each of us in a very personal and unique way. Not for one single moment have I regretted that decision I made that night. Our marriage was silver and now it is gold. We added God to our relationship and to our family and He has made all the difference.
Take a look at your life. How would you describe it? Contented? Rushed? Exciting? Stressful? Moving forward? Holding back? For many of us it’s all of the above at times. There are things we dream of doing one day, there are things we wish we could forget. In the Bible, it says that Jesus came to make all things new. What would your life look like if you could start over with a clean slate?
Living with hope
No one can be perfect, or have a perfect life. But every one of us has the opportunity to experience perfect grace through a personal relationship with God through His Son, Jesus Christ.
You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. Here’s a suggested prayer:
Lord Jesus, I want to know You personally. Thank You for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to You and ask You to come in as my Savior and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank You for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of person You want me to be.
