How Can I Have Faith After Losing My Son?

Written by Christie Hoos

faith_havefaithI have never been a big fan of the “paste a smile on and pretend it’s okay” club.

In my case it was months after my son, Noah’s, death that I began to feel angry. I had to return to work and the crushing unfairness of it all began to sink in. I used to think that people of true faith accepted everything quietly and calmly, but now I’m not so sure.

I wrestled with God for several months.

My husband was afraid that he would never get his wife back. If anyone saw me walking in the woods behind our house they must have thought I was crazy — I was muttering, crying, even shouting at God. I read books in the bible that dealt with people who were suffering — Job, Psalms, Ecclesiastes and Lamentations — and was reassured that some of God’s favorite people were angry and confused by Him. The best advice I got was that giving God the silent treatment would only punish me. God can take it, so tell Him what you are feeling.

How can I have faith you ask? I’ll try to answer you as best I can. My husband is a scholar and he finds reassurance in philisophical arguements about truth, the state of the world and nature of God. I’ll admit that these truths are convincing and I would be happy to share some with you if you like, but in crisis my faith was not bolstered by academic points so I won’t get into them now.

First I must explain my faith to you, so that you know what I am choosing to rely on.

I do believe with my whole heart that God is good and the world is not. The bible is clear that because of our choices to reject God we live in a fallen world full of sickness, natural disasters, pain and death. This is not God’s purpose for humanity – he wants us to live with Him where there is no pain, no sadness, no death. In order to make this happen He made the greatest sacrifice, He sent His own son to die, to pay the price for our wrong choices (it is hard to imagine that He loves us so much that he would allow his son to die – on purpose). When Jesus rose from the dead three days later He destroyed forever the power of death over the human soul. Still, we must choose to accept or reject this gift. That is the faith I have.

I trust in Jesus to pay for my wrongs and to save me from death.

Especially since Noah’s death, this hope is my foundation. I know that one day I will see not only Jesus but my son again. I would rather he was with me, but since he is not I am so glad that he is safe and loved. For this reason I hold onto my faith. I even wrote a website all about this – Noah’s Place.

Not only that, but my faith in Jesus is about relationship. Like I said, I have been angry with Him. I will never be happy that my son is away from me (even temporarily). I miss him terribly. There is a hole in our family and in my heart that aches. But God does know how we feel. He lost His son too. And He has made it so clear to me that He loves me more than I can comprehend. This comfort did not come quickly or easily. Slowly, in so many ways – through reading the bible, praying (even angry and despairing prayers), through nature, through others around me — God put His arms around me and helped my broken heart to heal. He was there all along I just had to open up to Him.

To live without faith seems to me a hopeless, comfortless and pointless existence.

So I hold on, even when I don’t feel like it. This is how I have faith, not a feeling or an experience, but a decision. As Job said “though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him.” I can’t imagine life without Jesus. Holding onto faith has been a struggle, but to live without it, is unthinkable.

You have a choice to make also. Faith is not something you lose, it’s something you choose or reject. I’m sorry to say that anyone who has lost a child has a very long and hard journey ahead of them. Grief is exhausting, messy, and misunderstood. Anger and confusion are normal and healthy (only if you get stuck there for an extended amount of time will you need to worry and seek medical help). If you have lost a child, be patient with yourself, you are in mourning. Do not rely on your feelings to decide what you believe. Look ahead – what kind of life do you want? Who do you want to be?

I would not trade my Noah for a child that lived.

I would not have chosen this path, it has been hard and painful, but it has changed me for the better. I am forever grateful to my son for that.

In Love,
Noah’s Mom

If you have lost a child, know that you are not alone. I can’t tell you why you’re child is gone, but I can tell you that there is a God who loves you and who loves your child. He knows what it means to lose a son.

Are you struggling with a sadness that never seems to end? We are here to talk


392 Responses to “How Can I Have Faith After Losing My Son?”

  • Tom Tom says:

    Thank you Cheryl!

    Your post was a blessing to me and I’m sure to many others on this blog.

    Praise God for His faithfulness!

  • Cheryl says:

    I lost my son suddenly and tragically on September 28,2015, almost 8 mos. ago. His first birthday without him was this May 6th and he would have been 21. He was born with Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy which is a terminal disease with no cure. these boys appear fine for a while but as their muscle cells continue to die they become weaker and weaker and usually die of heart failure or pulmonary complications.
    I have been a believer in Jesus Christ for almost 26 years and have struggled for many years as to how a born again christian could have a child with a terminal disease when the Isrealites had no one weak or feeble among them and we as believers are now under a greater covenant because of Jesus redemption of us at the cross.
    Many years of believing God would heal him left me confused, sad and angry at times. About and year before Ryan’s death God began revealing His immeasurable love towards us though we had been believing the lie that God was maybe against us. Through scripture God revealed that Jesus Healed ALL who were afflicted and God wants us healed more than we want it ourselves. Jesus not only payed for all of our sins past, present and future but He also bore all of our sicknesses and sorrows and by His stripes we are healed. My son and I began to receive this by faith. We didn’t see the outward manifestation yet of his healing but we knew it had already been payed for. Ryan struggled with working to have faith as I did too but I knew we were not to work for it but to work at being at rest for it. I told Ryan that it was like asking grandma who lives in florida for 500 dollars for a new playstation and she says “sure honey, I’ll put the money in the mail.” We don’t have to keep begging her we joyfully expect and wait for it and we can call and thank her again and again while waiting. Ryan said oh I get it. In the meantime Ryan requested to be baptized which we did at our house in the pool. This was almost 1 month exactly before his death.Ryan was
    hoping to walk out of that pool but he didn’t. About 1 week before the accident that took his life he kept saying to me “I can feel it, it is coming soon, God is going to heal me.” I would respond “really?” and he would say, “yes.” I told him i believed it and that God wanted it more than either one of us.
    On Sunday September 27th 20 minutes after I prayed a prayer of protection out loud based on Psalm 91 my husband dropped Ryan in the shower. He never recovered and the next morning September the 28th his heart stopped beating. I prayed all I could think of while they did CPR but none the less God took him home.
    The pain has been the most gut wrenching debilitating pain of a life time. I do not know what happened that day in the spiritual realm. The bible tells us “we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the ruler of the darkness of this age, against spiritual host of wickedness in the heavenly places.”
    I know that I know it is not Gods will for our children to be sick or die and though the wicked one may think he was triumphant in these situations ultimately he was not because to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. Our children are in paradise, in perfect love and peace. We will be with them again and when Jesus returns He will conquer the last enemy which is death and there will be no more dying. It is so incredibly painful to live without your children and we morn but not without hope. 1 Thessalonians 4:13

  • Elkay says:

    Mike, I am most sorry about the death of your son and I am impressed by your continued faith in God. When our heavenly Father allows tragedies and pain, some consider Him uncaring. The age-old question then becomes very personal: “How could a loving God allow me or those I care about to suffer?” We’ll never fully understand His ways, but we can know that His compassion and concern are bigger than the suffering of the whole world, and in the fullness of time, He will make all things right.

    Speaking of death, CS Lewis remarked, “It is not a truncation of the process but one of its phases; not the interruption of the dance, but the next figure” and when King David lost his young son, he knew God would “make it right” and said, “”I shall (at my death) go to him.” (2 Sam 12:23) I pray that knowing this also consoles you.

    The Lord wants each of us to experience His great love in a personal and intimate way. We can’t let let life’s hardships steal the enjoyment and security of this great blessing. When doubts arise, we rely on the truth of God’s Word. He loves you. He loves all of us. Believe it, and eventually we will feel it. May God bless you today, too.

  • Mike says:

    I have just lost my son. I went through shock, grief and then anger. I took out my anger out on God. But when I took the time to look back on his life and my own I can see where God has answered my prayers. I know that God exists and I can talk to him about anything. You can find many conflicting stories in the Bible but there are to many connections between the old testament and new about Jesus. Throw the bible to the side and just look at the historians writing about that troublemaker who had to be put to death named Jesus. Last but not least the story of Saul who became St Paul. If you don’t believe in this history, then all the written history is a lie to lead us to where?? I am hurting and I know I will hurt for the rest of my life. But one day when my Lord asked for me i will be reunited with my family who will welcome me home.

    God bless you all

  • Patty says:

    Why is Phillip BACK ???? Please go away, don’t you understanding we do not need to here about your negativity. Go write on some other blog ..LEAVE US PARENTS ALONE

  • Tom Tom says:

    Because God made man in his image (spiritually) and desires a relationship with man, man is born with an innate desire to know God. The simple fact that there are so many religions reveals that man is seeking for the one who gave him life. Go anywhere in the world and you will find people worshiping someone or something. Worship is built into humans by God. Unfortunately Satan has blinded mankind into believing in false gods which means they are living outside a saving relationship with the one true God. Those who simply deny God are usually those who don’t want to be held accountable for their actions. By “thinking” God away, they believe they’ll never be judged.

    While I don’t pretend to know all of God’s why’s and wherefore’s, I understand much about God’s actions pertaining to sinful man. I understand those things because of God’s Holy Spirit who indwells me. As I previously wrote you, you misunderstand nearly everything about God because what CAN be known of him is spiritually discerned. You do not understand or know the facts. As an analogy, you might condemn me for shooting my neighbor. However, if you knew that my neighbor was threatening my family with a gun, your opinion of me would likely change. You do not understand God’s nature, reasons, or motives for doing what he does. Nor will my responding to each of your charges enlighten you, for it seems you do not want to be enlightened.

    As regards your last statement, it is a straw-man argument. Since the God of the Bible created the universe and all that is in it, it would be illogical (read that impossible) for any religion to pre-date God. Also, while some of the stories in the Bible may be similar to older writings, that is in no way proof that one was taken from the other. (Check out the book, “Futility, or the Wreck of the Titan” written 14 years before the Titanic sank, and tell me if the Titanic disaster was a rip-off of the earlier novella.)

    Speaking for myself (and I believe for others on this blog), I believe it’s time to get back to the subject of this blog, “How Can I Have Faith After Losing My Son?” Unless you have comments on how to do just that, may I suggest you visit one of the other blog sites that address atheism.

  • Philip Koen says:

    Tom- You say it isn’t necessarily that hard to convince someone who knows nothing about God that he is real, that must be why there is no religious conflict in the world, that is why there was never any fight about what gods and what religions are the real ones. That must be why the people from the Scandinavian countries and Japan are falling over their feet to meet god. Those people don’t care about your god or any other god.
    You say whenever someone is anxious to know him, he reveals himself to that person in many ways, how can a person be anxious to know someone or something if they know nothing about him ,if he is not even aware of the existence of something how can he be anxious to meet him, nevermind to love him?

    I wonder how anxious he will be to meet this god if you tell him that this god killed his own entire creation except a few because he was angry at them. Killed them by drowning them, humans and animals. The animals sinned? God is so lovable and nice. Tell this anxious person this god allows people to suffer because the first man that he created made a mistake a few thousand years ago. Tell mr Anxious that god will punish him for the sins of his forefathers, tell him that god never forgets and he punishes people for what their generations did. Tell him that if he does not obey this god he will be punished for eternity, he will burn in hell for ever. Tell mr Anxious that to test a man god ordered the man to kill his son. Tell him that god tested a man by the name of Job by killing everything he had, his wife, children, slaves and animals. But don’t forget to tell him that god compensated him afterwards with some very nice donkeys. Tell him that god regards a simple man made thing very high and will kill a person even if this person tries to help. 2 Samuel 6:2-7When they came to the threshing floor of Nacon, Uzzah reached out and took hold of the ark of God, because the oxen stumbled. The Lord’s anger burned against Uzzah because of his irreverent act; therefore God struck him down and he died there beside the ark of God. A sure sign of gods love, don’t touch god’s things. Inform him about god’s son’s love for figs, he will go mad if he can’t get them, in or out of season if he can’t get it he will kill the tree. Mark 11:12-25-13 Seeing in the distance a fig tree in leaf, he went to find out if it had any fruit. When he reached it, he found nothing but leaves, because it was not the season for figs.14 Then he said to the tree, “May no one ever eat fruit from you again.” And his disciples heard him say it. 20 In the morning, as they went along, they saw the fig tree withered from the roots. A very nice family, mild and meek. I’m sure there are millions anxiously waiting to meet this lovable god.

    You call other religions man made, it is exactly this attitude that causes so much conflict. Do you know how many things in your religion originated in older religions, your “true religion” took a lot of the stories from much older religions?

  • Tom Tom says:

    Actually Philip, it isn’t necessarily that hard to convince someone who knows nothing about God that he is real. Most people who know nothing about God are very open to knowing about him. Whenever someone is anxious to know him, he reveals himself to that person in many ways. It is the unbelieving, hard-hearted person who cannot be convinced because they have already made up their mind and are not open to the reality of God. God never forces himself on anyone. He responds in loving kindness to those who diligently seek him.

    The people who killed themselves on 9/11 did not have a personal relationship with their god. That’s because their god does not exist. What drove them was not a loving relationship but a blind following of a man-made religion that teaches a god who is distant and unknowable. It also teaches that killing those who don’t agree with their religion will earn them a spot in heaven.

    As for your question to Elkay—I’d like to answer with what I believe would be the answer for nearly all born again believers. Because the infinite, omniscient God is completely trustworthy and just, we know that he will ALWAYS do what is best, even in allowing the death of someone’s son. After all, he allowed his own, completely innocent Son to die to pay for OTHER people’s sins; and I thank him every day that he did.

  • Philip Koen says:

    Elkay- So you “absolutely” approve,you “absolutely” believe god did the right thing to let Sandy’s son die? Very comforting.

  • Elkay says:

    Philip, see Tom’s 2:05 PM reply

  • Philip Koen says:

    Tom- Personal relationship! That is your evidence! How will you convince somebody that knows nothing about your god and religion that your god is real? The idiots that caused 9/11 also had personal relationships with their gods,the fools that cause pain and death with their suicide bombs also think they have personal relationships with one or other being. Do you really think it is a realistic and intelligent answer?

  • Philip Koen says:

    Elkay-You believe that “the Judge of all the earth will do what is right”. So you believe it was right to let Sandy’s son die? You approve of the fact that he did nothing to spare his life? Yet you talk about hope and comforting people.

  • Tom Tom says:

    What “evidence” do we have that God is real and that he loves us? That’s what separates biblical Christianity from all the world’s man-made religions. Our evidence is that we have a personal relationship with him. We speak with him through prayer and we hear from him, both through the Holy Spirit who indwells us (believers) and through his word, the Bible. Now you may not believe that or agree with that, but you cannot deny that, for it is our experience and the experience of millions upon millions of other believers through the centuries.

    Until such time as you earnestly seek him, you will not understand nor know about him. Scripture speaks to that when it says in 1 Corinthians 2:14, “The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God but considers them foolishness, and cannot understand them because they are discerned only through the Spirit.” Your misquoting of scripture and its true meaning are evidence of that as well.

    Because of our personal relationship with him, we know the Bible is his word and that it is true. You might ask for “evidence” that the Bible is what it claims to be, but you’ve been given solid evidence previously.

    As for your last question, “Do you think god is always right in what he does, do you approve of his actions etc?” The answer is, “Absolutely!!” However, God is not on trial, and he is not going to allow anyone to be his judge and jury. He is God and we are not.

  • Elkay says:

    Philip, from His boundless grace, God has given me the faith to believe in, to trust Him as a rational response to the evidence of His self-revelation in this infinitely vast and complex cosmos, humanity and history, the Scriptures and His resurrected Son. And yes, I believe that “the Judge of all the earth will do what is right”. (Gen 18:25)

    When King David’s son died, he David expressed the hope that “I will go to be with him one day.” (2 Sam 12:23) The pain remains but this same hope is available to everyone who has lost a loved one and will trust their whole being to God. That trust must rest in God Himself, in His character and in the veracity of His promises.

  • Philip Koen says:

    To Elkay- You say:Why did Sandy’s son die? I can’t answer that, but I know this — God is very real. He loves us very much and the events that break our hearts break His heart. What evidence do you have that your god is real and that he loves us?
    I quote you again:” you offer her nothing and are trying to take away the only source of hope she has. Tom is seeking to help her” I’m taking away Sandy’s only source of hope? What hope? Will god bring her son back? Tom is trying to help by telling her that there is suffering in the world because a man that supposedly lived long ago sinned.Her son died because Adam messed up. That is suppose to comfort somebody who lost a child? We must just pray to Jesus because he understands suffering,really? He understands suffering but does nothing to stop it. But he loves us! This same Jesus who proudly tells us in Mathews 10:34 “Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword”
    Do you think god is always right in what he does,do you approve of his actions etc?

  • Elkay says:

    Philip, when I read your postings, I have to wonder why on earth are you spending your time on a Christian website if you do not believe in the God of Scripture?

    Sandy is understandably hurting and needs comfort – you offer her nothing and are trying to take away the only source of hope she has. Tom is seeking to help her but neither he nor any human being can “explain God” and to think that that inability means He does not exist is foolish.

    When we don’t understand why we are experiencing pain, we can pray to Jesus because He understands suffering — not in some distant cosmic way, but in the flesh. He suffered greatly during His time on earth; He was a “man of sorrows acquainted with grief” (Isaiah 53:3). He knew fear and anxiety, physical suffering, hunger, cold, and sadness. He wept. Like Sandy, He questioned God.

    Habakkuk asked God “How long shall I cry and You will not hear?” (Hbk 1:2) God answered that in a world that doesn’t make sense, “the just shall live by faith” (Hbk 2:4). Faith is believing that God is big enough to ultimately bring good out of what is happening in Sandy’s life. Living by faith says “God, I have no idea what You are doing, why You let this happen and did not intervene. But I know You are there and believe You love me so I am living for the day when things make sense.”

    God does love us, very, very much, but there are things that happen that are not OK. Many grieve for lost ones, and battle illness and see no relief. Still, God is good and He is in control so we believe a day will come when things hurt less than today.

    Why did Sandy’s son die? I can’t answer that, but I know this — God is very real. He loves us very much and the events that break our hearts break His heart. The perfect world He created is ruined, but He didn’t abandon us to our choices. He sent redemption in the form of His Son. He sent a Savior to bring us hope; He can make something beautiful out of ugly circumstances. He alone offers hope and peace to each of us today. We can only pray that knowing this will comfort Sandy.

  • Philip Koen says:

    To Tom and Sandy: Tom did I say that what I said will comfort anybody? I even said that nothing what anybody says will make it easier for her or for anybody else. You say: “No one has ever been able to explain every detail of an infinite and sovereign God” First of all how do we know that he is infinite and sovereign? How do we know he is not just a manmade fairytale?

    According to you the reason why there is suffering is because of sin! Adam’s original sin brought suffering! God punishes people because someone else sinned a few thousand years ago. Thousands innocent children die every year of horrible diseases because Adam sinned. Human and animals suffer because Adam made a mistake? The Bible proudly tells that the children will be punished for the sins of their fathers, even generations down the line. But god loves us, just don’t forget that. Damn strange kind of love. Do you really think that to punish people for the sins of others is justified? Then believers and religion expect respect. Who in his right mind would praise such an unjust god, no wonder Dawkins described him as “The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomaniacal, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully.”

    When people like Sandy experiences a tragedy like she did it is even more difficult for them if they were believers because they then not only have to deal with their big loss but they also suffer with the question of where was this wonderful god, why did this almighty being that is suppose to love us sat with his arms folded without helping. People who do not believe at least don’t wonder why one or other fictional character did not intervene and helped.It is 2016, let us put all this gods and myths to rest and start to be realistic and move on.

    Sandy, you ask why god did not keep his promise, sad as it is, he did not keep his promise as he is only fictional, thought out by people who had no idea how the world operates, everybody added some new characteristic to him, that is why there are so many contradictions etc. Be strong.

  • Tom Tom says:

    No one has ever been able to explain every detail of an infinite and sovereign God. If they could, that would make them God’s equal. What’s more, if we could explain every detail of God, there would be no room or need for faith.

    In the most basic sense, there is suffering in the world because of sin–both Adam’s original sin which brought pain, suffering, and death into the world–and our own sinfulness. There is simply no escaping it. Only the return of Jesus Christ to eradicate all sin will set God’s creation aright and eliminate pain, suffering, and death.

    As to why God did not answer your prayers, we must turn to scripture to seek the answer. But before doing so, consider this: while we’d like for every prayer of faith to be answered, it would doubtless cause conflict and confusion in many ways. For instance, people would never die as long as there was someone to pray in faith that they would continue to live. A farmer might pray for rain to save his crops, while his neighbor prayed for a cloudless day to enjoy a picnic with his family. It would be silly to expect God to answer every prayer, even those prayed with great faith.

    It’s important to remember that we can never simply claim one or two scriptures without taking all pertinent scriptures into consideration. The Bible shows us that there are several conditions to be met for our prayer to be answered in the way we want it to be. Though not exhaustive, I think the following gives a good overview:

    1) Pray to the Heavenly Father (see Matthew 6:9). This condition to prayer might seem obvious, but it’s important. We don’t pray to false gods, to ourselves, to angels, to Buddha, or to the Virgin Mary. We pray to the God of the Bible, who revealed Himself in Jesus Christ and whose Spirit indwells us. Coming to Him as our “Father” implies that we are first His children—made so by faith in Christ (see John 1:12).

    2) Pray for good things (see Matthew 7:11). We don’t always understand or recognize what is good, but God knows, and He is eager to give His children what is best for them. Paul prayed three times to be healed of an affliction, and each time God said, “No.” Why would a loving God refuse to heal Paul? Because God had something better for him, namely, a life lived by grace. Paul stopped praying for healing and began to rejoice in his weakness (2 Corinthians 12:7–10).

    3) Pray for needful things (see Philippians 4:19). Placing a priority on God’s kingdom is one of the conditions to prayer (Matthew 6:33). The promise is that God will supply all our needs, not all our wants. There is a difference.

    4) Pray from a righteous heart (see James 5:16). The Bible speaks of having a clean conscience as a condition to answered prayer (Hebrews 10:22). It is important that we keep our sins confessed to the Lord. “If I regard wickedness in my heart, The Lord will not hear” (Psalm 66:18, NAS).

    5) Pray from a grateful heart (see Philippians 4:6). Part of prayer is an attitude of thanksgiving.

    6) Pray according to the will of God (see 1 John 5:14). An important condition to prayer is that it is prayed within the will of God. Jesus prayed this way all the time, even in Gethsemane: “Not my will, but yours be done” (Luke 22:42). We can pray all we want, with great sincerity and faith, for XYZ, but, if God’s will is ABC, we pray amiss.

    7) Pray in the authority of Jesus Christ (see John 16:24). Jesus is the reason we are able to approach the throne of grace (Hebrews 10:19–22), and He is our mediator (1 Timothy 2:5). A condition to prayer is that we pray in His name.

    8) Pray persistently (see Luke 18:1). In fact, pray without ceasing (1 Thessalonians 5:17). One of the conditions to effective prayer is that we don’t give up.

    9) Pray unselfishly (see James 4:3). Our motives are important.

    10) Pray in faith (see James 1:6). Without faith, it is impossible to please God (Hebrews 11:6), who alone can do the impossible (Luke 1:37). Without faith, why pray?

    Joshua’s prayer for the sun to stand still, as audacious as that request was, met all these conditions of prayer (Joshua 10:12–14). Elijah’s prayer for rain to be withheld—and his later prayer that rain would fall—met all of these conditions (James 5:17–18). Jesus’ prayer as He stood before the tomb of Lazarus met all of these conditions (John 11:41). They all prayed to God, according to His will, for good and necessary things, in faith.

    The examples of Joshua, Elijah, and Jesus teach us that, when our prayers line up with God’s sovereign will, wonderful things will happen. There’s no need to be abashed by mountains, for they can move (Mark 11:23). The struggle we face is in getting our prayers lined up with God’s will, having our desires match His. Congruency between God’s will and our own is the goal. We want exactly what He wants; nothing more, nothing less. And we don’t want anything that He doesn’t want.

    So as you see Sandy, there is much more to prayer than just faith. While I don’t think God expects every condition to be perfectly met every time before answering a prayer, we cannot realistically discount any of these conditions as necessary components of a prayer God will hear and respond to.

    Let me add one more consideration: If your son was, as you wrote, a person of faith and prayer, if he was a born again believer in Jesus Christ, then there could not possibly be a more perfect answer to a prayer for his healing than his going to be forever with Jesus Christ and soon obtaining his perfect, incorruptible body. And if you have a relationship with Jesus, then when it’s your turn for your earthly body to give way to death, you will rejoin your son forever in the presence of God. There is no greater place to put your faith than that. Think about your son rejoicing in heaven even now. Think about his perfect healing. I’d say that is a pretty wonderful answer to your prayer!

  • sandy says:

    Tom please can you answer why god promised me and didn’t answer John14:14 as promised? I have to know. I lost my son and my faith, the core of my whole life 25 days ago. Please explain his no response to his scriptures promised

  • Tom Tom says:

    You wrote, “we believed every word the bible said.” How about:

    –John 16:33: “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

    –James 1:2: “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.”

    –2 Cor. 1:3-4: “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” (Why was this written if no one is to suffer?

    –Romans 8:18: “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.”

    –Psalm 34:19: “The righteous person may have many troubles,
    but the Lord delivers him from them all.” Notice it doesn’t say you WON’T have troubles, only that he will deliver (bring you through) them all.

    If we are born again–“in Christ”–then we MUST suffer along with him. Jesus suffered, we will suffer.

    –Philippians 3:10: “I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death.”

    –Matthew 10:38: “Whoever does not take up their cross and follow me is not worthy of me.”

    –Deut. 8:3: “He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your ancestors had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord.” Suffering makes us more like Christ; it has a divine purpose.

    Please listen to the series on suffering I recommended.

  • sandy says:

    Tom,please, please explain to me how god promised he would move mountains, if I believe, I will receive all I ask for in prayer if I asked for anything in his name!! I have been a faithful servant all my life. So was my son. J feel god lied to me. He didn’t keep his promise in my faith to him

  • Tom Tom says:

    I’m wondering how people knowing you are “out there” thinking about their loss is offering them any comfort or help in their time of grief?

    I admit you are right about one thing—way too many people are taught that God is an omnipotent grandfather who will never allow anything bad to come into their life. Then when it does, they turn away from God instead of realizing they were not taught the realities of God, the reason he allows suffering, and that he is the source of healing.

    God promises that he will walk with us “through the valley of the shadow of death,” so that we will not fear evil, and that we will be comforted. Notice it doesn’t say he will keep us from those valleys. Quite simply, if we were kept from all suffering, we 1: wouldn’t need God at all, and 2: would never experience the joy of being on the mountaintop. Ultimately, while suffering is a major part of life on a sinful, broken world, God promises to give to those who have trusted in his suffering Son, Jesus, eternal life without any more pain or suffering.

    Since much of what you wrote is false, and since you detest anything that is false, I’m wondering how can you live with yourself? “All of the best” what? Good thoughts?

    As suggested to you before, you should keep your comments to yourself as this blog spot is for those who wish to offer real comfort and encouragement to those in grief. Your comments are detrimental to that, as your only desire is to convince people in their sorrow that there is no hope.

  • sandy says:

    Phillip. I have read all your posts. I feel the same as you do now. We did everything we were taught to do, we believed every word the bible said. It got us the same results as if we never believed…..

  • Tom Tom says:

    Have you visited the web site I linked below and listened to the series of teachings?

    Unfortunately it sounds as if what you “were taught” about the Bible did not include the thousands of references to suffering, its reasons, and the fact that Jesus Christ, though perfect, suffered hideously for all mankind so that one day we can come to live eternally with the total absence of suffering.

    As I’ve stated here before, denying God and Jesus Christ only eliminates the only remedy for, and understanding of, suffering. Philip Keon’s input offers no hope or comfort whatsoever, and only shoves a person deeper into despair. Your choice–listen to God or listen to Philip.

  • Philip Koen says:

    Sandy- I feel so sorry for you but there is nothing that I or anybody can say that will make your pain and suffering easier, just know that there are people out there that think about you and your loss.
    If God was real and he still allowed this kind of pain he would be the most hateful character. One of the problems is that most people are taught about this all loving and almighty being that will care for us, it gives a false kind of security so when bad things happen we feel as if this god is letting us down, a feeling that will only intensify the pain of the tragedy that one is facing. This is the main reason why I cannot stand religion and its different gods, it only gives false hope and I detest anything false. God cannot and will never care for anybody or anything.
    All of the best.

  • sandy says:

    If god can can take care of a sparrow, he could easily have not let this happen and leave us broken and suffering in our grief. I no longer believe the bible and all I was taught.

  • Leslie collins says:

    Lost of my son through home invasion

  • Tom Tom says:

    Promise & Sandy–
    Elizabeth Elliott has just started a series on suffering on her daily radio broadcast. Please visit and start on Monday’s “On Demand” broadcast. It’s a total of 12 broadcasts.

    I pray these programs will bring some comfort from someone who has been where you are.

  • sandy says:

    My son died 24 days ago. I am broken and have no words of comfort. The only thing that I can find on information on how to get thru this hell we face is on forums like this and the facebook page grieving moms. I actually had someone ask me if I was feeling better today, like this grief I feel is some kind of illness. Oh my god.

  • Promise says:

    I lost my daughter and am so sad please people help me

  • Tom Tom says:

    I’m terribly sorry that your son has died. The greatest loss anyone can know is the death of a loved one.

    The sad fact is that everyone must face the inevitability of death–the death of others, and sooner or later their own. It quite simply comes with life.

    Hebrews 11:1 says, “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” Faith is believing when there doesn’t seem to be any reason to believe. Faith is believing when we don’t understand the why. When it comes to most deaths and any “reason” for them, that’s exactly why we have to have faith that God alone has all the knowledge and reason for the why.

    I could give any number of possible reasons your son died when he did, but those would only be possibilities. Ultimately, if he knew the Lord, he is with Him even now. And if you know the Lord, you will one day rejoin your son–and at the same time finally understand the why.

    If you turn from God now, you have nothing to bring comfort. If you continue to trust in him–have faith in him, he will help you to heal from what seems the greatest loss in the world. Instead of questioning God about the why, pour out your heart to him and ask him to bring you peace.

    My prayers are with you.

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