How Can I Have Faith After Losing My Son?

Written by Christie Hoos

faith_havefaithI have never been a big fan of the “paste a smile on and pretend it’s okay” club.

In my case it was months after my son, Noah’s, death that I began to feel angry. I had to return to work and the crushing unfairness of it all began to sink in. I used to think that people of true faith accepted everything quietly and calmly, but now I’m not so sure.

I wrestled with God for several months.

My husband was afraid that he would never get his wife back. If anyone saw me walking in the woods behind our house they must have thought I was crazy — I was muttering, crying, even shouting at God. I read books in the bible that dealt with people who were suffering — Job, Psalms, Ecclesiastes and Lamentations — and was reassured that some of God’s favorite people were angry and confused by Him. The best advice I got was that giving God the silent treatment would only punish me. God can take it, so tell Him what you are feeling.

How can I have faith you ask? I’ll try to answer you as best I can. My husband is a scholar and he finds reassurance in philisophical arguements about truth, the state of the world and nature of God. I’ll admit that these truths are convincing and I would be happy to share some with you if you like, but in crisis my faith was not bolstered by academic points so I won’t get into them now.

First I must explain my faith to you, so that you know what I am choosing to rely on.

I do believe with my whole heart that God is good and the world is not. The bible is clear that because of our choices to reject God we live in a fallen world full of sickness, natural disasters, pain and death. This is not God’s purpose for humanity – he wants us to live with Him where there is no pain, no sadness, no death. In order to make this happen He made the greatest sacrifice, He sent His own son to die, to pay the price for our wrong choices (it is hard to imagine that He loves us so much that he would allow his son to die – on purpose). When Jesus rose from the dead three days later He destroyed forever the power of death over the human soul. Still, we must choose to accept or reject this gift. That is the faith I have.

I trust in Jesus to pay for my wrongs and to save me from death.

Especially since Noah’s death, this hope is my foundation. I know that one day I will see not only Jesus but my son again. I would rather he was with me, but since he is not I am so glad that he is safe and loved. For this reason I hold onto my faith. I even wrote a website all about this – Noah’s Place.

Not only that, but my faith in Jesus is about relationship. Like I said, I have been angry with Him. I will never be happy that my son is away from me (even temporarily). I miss him terribly. There is a hole in our family and in my heart that aches. But God does know how we feel. He lost His son too. And He has made it so clear to me that He loves me more than I can comprehend. This comfort did not come quickly or easily. Slowly, in so many ways – through reading the bible, praying (even angry and despairing prayers), through nature, through others around me — God put His arms around me and helped my broken heart to heal. He was there all along I just had to open up to Him.

To live without faith seems to me a hopeless, comfortless and pointless existence.

So I hold on, even when I don’t feel like it. This is how I have faith, not a feeling or an experience, but a decision. As Job said “though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him.” I can’t imagine life without Jesus. Holding onto faith has been a struggle, but to live without it, is unthinkable.

You have a choice to make also. Faith is not something you lose, it’s something you choose or reject. I’m sorry to say that anyone who has lost a child has a very long and hard journey ahead of them. Grief is exhausting, messy, and misunderstood. Anger and confusion are normal and healthy (only if you get stuck there for an extended amount of time will you need to worry and seek medical help). If you have lost a child, be patient with yourself, you are in mourning. Do not rely on your feelings to decide what you believe. Look ahead – what kind of life do you want? Who do you want to be?

I would not trade my Noah for a child that lived.

I would not have chosen this path, it has been hard and painful, but it has changed me for the better. I am forever grateful to my son for that.

In Love,
Noah’s Mom

If you have lost a child, know that you are not alone. I can’t tell you why you’re child is gone, but I can tell you that there is a God who loves you and who loves your child. He knows what it means to lose a son.

Are you struggling with a sadness that never seems to end? We are here to talk


360 Responses to “How Can I Have Faith After Losing My Son?”

  • Tom Tom says:

    Jesus said, “He who believes in the Son has eternal life; but he who does not believe the Son will not see life, but the wrath of God abides on him.” (John 3:36). Jesus also said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but by me.” (John 14:6) Do either of these sound like you don’t have to believe in Jesus/God to be saved?

    As for living a good life, God said, “as it is written, “There is none righteous, not even one.”” (Romans 3:10). Does that sound like you can be a “good” enough person to be right in God’s eyes? And just how good do you have to be? According to God, “For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles in one point, he has become guilty of all.” (James 2:10). So according to God, you have to be perfect to enter heaven. Have you ever told a lie, stolen something, or used God’s name without reverence and holiness? No? Then you aren’t good enough.

  • queeneffort says:

    If you don’t believe in God, but live a good life, of course God will welcome you, what do you think he’s going to sa, no? You didn’t believe these people? [expletive removed], God knows whats what so these sticky little rules are way wrong

  • queeneffort says:

    get real Will, you’re not thinking, dogma, dogma, dogma

  • queeneffort says:

    Three sons in Heaven, killed by their father, [expletive removed] still walks free, maybe you religious followers can pray for them, in the meantime, I look forward to my death

  • queeneffort says:

    May I add, it’s how you live, not praying, do you think a Hail Mary and 3 Our fathers is going to make a difference? Or that I can pray someone out of the place religion calls limbo or purgatory? NOOOO, but 12 years of Catholic indoctrination tells me to. Better time spent being kind to someone than asking the deity to fix it.

  • queeneffort says:

    Phillip, you are not helping, full of your own opinions, you ask people to explain where their faith comes from, [disrespectful comment removed] Where does your zealous destruction of God come from? I don’t believe in religion, and would rather see the proof of Christian behaviour rather than 52 Sundays ticked off as in attendance, a lot of [expletive removed] in the throngs. Religion has caused all the wars in this world, ‘my God club is better than yours’, but on it goes with Christians and their football teams. Think on your own 2 feet and accept others may have truly found God is real, not on your terms, but their own.

  • queeneffort says:

    Phillip, you are not helping, full of your own opinions, you ask people to explain where their faith comes from, [disrespectful comment removed] . Where does your zealous destruction of God come from?

  • queeneffort says:

    God has his son, why do people say he lost him? I haven’t commented before, so also why is this site saying it is a duplicated comment?

  • queeneffort says:

    God has his son, why do people say he lost him?

  • Aldo says:

    Charles, thank you for your beautiful and encouraging comment below. It is people like you who minister life to the hurt and grieving. May God continue to use you in that capacity to His honor and glory.

  • Charles says:

    My mother had cancer and was given 6 months to live. Here cancer spread. My family prayed and when she went back to the oncologist the cancer was gone… Gone.. The doctor said there was only one explanation.. A miracle. My mother lived 20 more years cancer free.
    My son lost his battle with cancer even through prayer. I now know how God must have felt when he lost His Son.

    One thing I know I could not make it without God in my life and I know my mother would have given her life, I would have given my life to have my son back. However I know life always ends up in death as the world knows it. The Good News is death leads to Life everlasting and one day I will be reunited with my mother and my son. If God was a genie everyone would be a believer. Freedom of choice is one of God’s greatest gifts.

  • Jamie Jamie says:

    Hi Will, I agree with Stella and Philip that your words could be misunderstood and be hurtful to people here. The Bible does not teach that anyone chooses to be sick or victimized by others. What we do see is that God loves those who are hurting and afflicted, and that He fights on their behalf. The difficult thing is when we don’t see how God is standing up for those who are hurting, and, in the situation many who are participating in this forum have faced, when God allows our loved ones to die. There are no easy, simple answers to that question because we are limited by our finite perspective; we cannot know the future, nor do we normally see all the forces at work within a person’s life that are causes to the suffering. God sees things without those limitations so we have to trust that He is acting for the best, even when we can’t see it. But to suggest that individuals are to blame for their suffering is not helpful or loving. I don’t know if that was your intention, but I do ask that you choose your words carefully when participating in this forum.

  • Philip Koen says:

    To Stella and Will: Will how you can say that cancer is free will is beyond me, [please keep your disagreements respectful],if you ever come into the position to see a small child slowly dying from cancer think of your words again. How dare you make such a [please keep your disagreements respectful] comment when people here are mourning the loss of their children because of cancer? [please keep your disagreements respectful]

    Stella this is nothing but the ramblings of a believer that tries to justify why his god is so apathetic, this is why I despise religion and its blind followers that go around making [please keep your disagreements respectful] comments. It will be interesting to see if the authorities of this forum agree with Will’s comment and accept it, I know my comment will be viewed as unacceptable.

  • Stella says:

    Will, kindly help me understand how cancer is man free will.

  • will says:

    First there is a god..and we must understand when things are good we know it cause we felt was man that cause this..look at. The pollution,rape,abortion,cancer,killings,..this is man free will at work..not god..

  • My beloved son Siegfried died at age 27 in his sleep. Before he died, he woke up around midnight,sat straight up in his bed and said to me,”the angels have told me that everything will be alright”. These were his last words.Next morning when I came back from swimming, I found him dead.My son has been in Heaven many times before he died.He saw Jesus and talked with him, he saw the angels and many extraordinary things.I have total peace about my son.I know he is alive.I know he is safe and well.The most important thing for me is that I love my son and will always love him and that he loves me and will always love me.I know that he knows everything that is going on in my life.I am free from guilt and regret because I have given my son all my love and time.He is forever a part of me and I am forever a part of him. We are forever one. I know my son wants only the best for me, he wants me to be happy and fulfilled. And I am at rest because i know my son is forever happy and fulfilled.I do not understand why my son died. I believe he knew that he would die. He was very healthy and intelligent and strong but became 100% disabled after his 8th birthday because of childhood trauma that our government caused. He died in exile because we were expelled from our home country. I am looking for a country and place to stay and one day I will find it and relocate my son’s remains.I am happy when I think about my son and when I visit his grave and I feel his presence and he comforts me again and again. I wrote a book about called “My Son, You Died.But Mum, I Am Alive” to celebrate the fact that my son is alive. We may think that our children are dead, but they are not. They have changed worlds. The Bishop who led my son’s funeral mass said to me that I should consider that my son has been spared many things.If I consider the state of our world and the wrong direction in which humanity is going, then my son has already been spared many negative and disturbing things.I think it is important to remember every day that our children who died but who are alive, love us and that this love will never die.This love is stronger than death.I saw my son’s death one year before he died but did not know what the vision meant. I will always remember the inaudible words that I heard,”I have come out of eternity and I am returning to eternity”. This is the story of our children. This is the story of our lives.

  • Elkay says:

    Patty, I am quite sorry about your son’s death last year. Grief, pain, anger, questioning are all quite normal and God would wonder why if we did not have such feelings. And He wants us to share them with us as He did with Job. There is a phrase in the song Conka mentioned and it goes like this: “But in heaven no more grief or pain, crippled lives are whole again.” This is of course the promise of 1 Cor 15:44 about how our body is raised in power in Heaven to come and I pray that this thought brings you much hope and comfort.

  • Patty says:

    Thank You Conka, I need to look up that song.. I have hope that I will see him.

  • Tom Tom says:

    Jesus spoke often about the hypocritical Pharisees and other religious leaders who made themselves out to so close to God and yet demanded ungodly things of the common people. True followers of Jesus are less interested in the monetary aspects of “church” and more interested in sharing the gospel of Jesus Christ with those who are living outside of God’s will.

    Those same hypocrites will be judged by God in a most harsh way. However, I caution those who look only at the hypocrites in the church and ignore Jesus’ message of repentance and salvation. Those are the same hypocrites the unbeliever will be spending eternity with!

  • approached by a deacon says:

    The very odd thing about this so called God is it also effects tbe priests, pastors, deacons etc. Not just us. I was talking to a deacons wife the otherr day and she told me how her husband is suffering severely with stress BECAUSE the hierachy of his church told him he was not being persuasive enough in obtaing financial funds from the church congregation to collect moneies for the repair of their church roof. Their church needs tens of thousands of pounds to repair it and he was told to try. harder to obtain these funds and is getting ill from tne worry. Who are these churches that do that to their own preachers? They are the same wealthy religions that try their hardest to preach this so called god to you with the same aim as they do their preachers? To obtain money from you that is why. They wonder why the congregation are getting fewer and fewer when they see these evil doings and doubt the existance of this so called god. Indoctrination is a way of obtaining wealth from the congregation and the clergy the same. It is not a calling for the clergy, it is a job.

  • Conka says:

    I am so sorry for your loss. My Niece Lisa struggled for several months with leukemia. We did everything humanly possible but she didn’t make it. She was buried Wenesday. At the funeral the preacher talked about the scripture where David prayed and fasted for his son but he still died. The story has a good ending. The good news is this…..We may not be able to bring them back but we can make preparations through Jesus Christ to go be with them one say soon. If we live to be a hundred years old that is nothing in this vast thing called eternity. I’m thankful there’s a way out of our pain. The last song sung at her funeral was What a Meeting in the Air. Won’t it be wonderful! I pray for God’s healing comfort for all who are reading.

  • Conka says:

    I am so sorry for your loss. My niece Lisa passed away from leukemia and was buried Wednesday so I share in your pain. We had prayed and done everything humanly possible but the Lord took her home. I thank God she had a way out of the terrible pain she was enduring through her struggle. The preacher talked about the scripture where David prayed and fasted for the healing of his son. He died in spite of everything. The story has a great ending. The good news is this….we might not be able to bring them back but we can make preparations through accepting Jesus to go meet them again some day. It won’t be long. If we live to be a hundred years old, that is nothing in the vast eternity to come. The last song sung at the funeral was What a Meeting in The Air! God Bless all who are struggling with loss. May the Lord restore your peace. Conka is my nickname given by my niece…

  • Sharon says:

    to Ruby and Patricia my deepest sympathy to you both for the loss of the twins for you Ruby and your son Patricia I think for you Patricia grief doesn’t have to go away your son will forever be with you I can’t imagine on what you both went through for you Ruby I pray that you will find your way spiritually eventually that Christians will come along both of your paths to come along you to comfort you and to pray with/ for you and maybe befriend you I pray Gods comfort on you I am praying for you both— sharon

  • Patty says:

    Patricia, I am so sorry, I too lost my son last year. I know what you mean the morning being a little bit easier, cause we are trying to keep busy. I am still struggling, but what has helped me is trying not to lose focus on my faith. At times I’m so angry at God but ,then I’m crying for God to help and take care of my son in heaven. The pain and sadness is always there, Why…. cause we love our SON. We have to believe cause if we dont we would be more empty… God Bless

  • Patricia says:

    I lost my only son tragically last month – 2/11/2016 – and it’s been like being in a nightmare that I’m unable to wake up from. It’s a little easier during the daytime, but when the sun goes down, it seems to get a lot harder. I just can’t imagine that the grief will ever go away or even get easier for me.
    John 3:16

  • Ruby says:

    I’ve lost twin sons. I’ve praised God and prayed everyday while pregnant. I still lost them anyway. A year later and I’m still lost spiritually.

  • Ruby says:

    I’ve lost twin sons at 5 months pregnancy. I’ve praised God and prayed everyday while pregnant. I still lost them faith and believe in the Lord was at the highest it has ever been. A year later and I’m still lost spiritually.

  • Philip Koen says:

    To Tom: Congratulations for trying to avoid simple questions with your answer, typical believer attitude.

    So you are seeing forward to live with a God who punishes little children by letting them suffer because two people messed up in the garden of Eden? Remember the people that messed up were created by God, a God who hated some even before they were born, a God that even lets animals suffer because of the sin of two people. Were you ever in a Paediatric Oncology Hospital, if not do yourself a favour and go and have a look of what is going on there. The pain and the suffering that one sees there is unbelievable. But God is a just God? Do you really think that that suffering is necessary? Do you really see forward to live with a being that could stop all this suffering but he does not do so, a God that is angry at all living things because two people supposedly messed up? What guarantee do you have that the same thing will not happen in heaven again? “He gave Adam and Eve a rose garden and they messed up”, and because they messed up he now punishes every living thing? Just? You once said that the nature of the world is suffering, what if that is also the nature of heaven, they had the same creator.

    You say: “For Christians, whatever suffering we endure during our lives will be long forgotten when we reach heaven.” And the suffering of a child that was born in a different religion? If a child is born in India and he dies at six months of cancer, will his suffering also be long forgotten? Even if the suffering will be “forgotten” why was it necessary, do you think it was necessary and OK to let them suffer? The more people try to explain their beliefs the more bizarre it becomes and the clearer it becomes that it is all thought out by humans who did not have a clue of how the world really works.

    Your comment “ The answers we seek must also be for the glory of God” just again shows how egoistic God is, you ask for the healing of a dying child but ii is more about glorifying God, why is he such an insecure creature that he constantly wants to be praised? He created humans only so that the must sing his praise.

    When I die I will stop to exist. What I’m seeing forward to when I die? What were you seeing forward to when you realised that Father Christmas was only a story? When I die I will not know anything, just as before I was born, it is the end, that is exactly why I don’t want to waste my time here believing in make believe fairies. A lot people are so busy trying to get into heaven that they forget to live the life that they have here on Earth.

    Even if somebody can convince me that God exists I will still not praise or follow him, I will simply not like him because of his nature.

    As for the question what I’m seeing forward to when I die, nothing, I will be dead. Now please answer my question, will you pray for the dead or for an amputee? If Christians are so seeing forward to live with God why do they constantly pray for sick people, why do they go to doctors and hospitals, why do they pray for protection when they get in a car or plane, why not the opposite, rather pray to God to take you away so that you can be with him, why prosecute a murderer, he just did you a favour by helping you along to heaven,you are after all seeing forward to be living with God.

  • Tom Tom says:

    Thanks to God’s grace, I have enough faith to know that I’ll be living with Him and all the others who’ve trusted in Jesus Christ forever. I’m looking forward to that with great expectation. What are you looking forward to when you die?

  • Philip Koen says:

    Adam and Eve messed up and now the world is sin-broken and that is why every living thing must suffer, yet you describe God as a just God. Because God is a just God children are born with cancer or crippled bodies, just because some imaginary man and woman ate an apple from a tree that God put there right in front of them these children must suffer and die a horrible death. People are expected to praise this God?

    Don’t you find it ironic that people have enough faith to pray for the healing of other illnesses, if a person is healed God gets the credit and it is often told that it was the prayers to God that healed him/her.

    Tom do you have enough faith to ask in a prayer for God to resurrect a dead person or to ask him to grow back an amputated limb?

  • Tom Tom says:

    I think I made it fairly clear that there are several qualifiers (for lack of a better term) for prayer to be answered. One must consider all pertinent scriptures to flesh out the whole.

    Babies, like all mankind, die because of the sin-broken world. Millions of babies are murdered in the womb each year. Thankfully, God is also a just God and there is good indication that babies and children who die without reaching an understanding of the difference between right and wrong actions, as well as the mentally infirm, will be taken to heaven.

    There is a great deal of pain and suffering in the world. God has not promised us a rose garden. (He gave Adam and Eve one and they messed it up.) What he has promised is that if we believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and trust him alone for salvation, we will live in paradise forever. For Christians, whatever suffering we endure during our lives will be long forgotten when we reach heaven.

    As for your last question, I would suggest that the biggest reason people don’t pray for those things is that they have a lack of faith. Now I’m not saying there is such a thing as HAVING enough faith to resurrect the dead or replace a missing limb, but that people really don’t HAVE that much faith. By the way, I’ve read some rather well-documented cases of people coming back to life after there were claimed to be medically dead, and after having been prayed for at length.

    Suppose for a moment that God answered positively (from a human viewpoint) every prayer for healing. That would be kind of silly wouldn’t it? I mean, almost no one would ever die. They’d have to go on living forever is this sin-sick world. God’s intent is for our sinful bodies to be remade and along with our eternal spirit to live with him forever. If nobody ever died, we’d never get to enjoy that eternity with him!

  • Philip Koen says:

    If God is not a genie in a bottle then why the promises in the Bible?
    • If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer. [Matthew 21:21]
    • If you ask anything in my name, I will do it. [John 14:14]
    • Ask, and it will be given you. [Matthew 7:7]
    • Nothing will be impossible to you. [Matthew 17:20]
    • Believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. [Mark 11:24]
    To hear a kid of seven years old praying to God to heal her father, a kid who believed with everything in her that God can and will heal her dying father is not easy. Even when trying to prepare her for her father’s inevitably death by telling her that her father is very sick and that maybe he will not recover from his illness she still insisted that God will heal him, she absolutely believed it. To see this little girl’s world collapse, to see the unbelief in her eyes, to see her desperation made me sick and it intensified my dislike of religion and empty promises.

    Tom you say: “Therefore, the number of years a person lives is not that important to him. It’s what that person does in the life they’re given that has any potential lasting value” And a boy that was born with a tumour of a few centimetres long in his tiny body who died at nine months old, nine months that was just hell, of what potential value is that?

    I again ask why people do not pray for dead people to be resurrected or for amputated limbs to grow back but they pray for other illnesses, why?

  • Tom Tom says:

    God is not a magic talisman or a genie in a bottle. There is more to do with prayer than simply having enough faith. While faith is one of the requirements, scripture also teaches:

    1) Seeking only for personal gain or reasons will hinder prayer: “When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.” (James 4:3). It’s very possible, and prevalent, to ask for people to be healed, particularly family and friends, only because we selfishly want them to stay around or because it will lighten our burden. We pray for schooling, jobs, and all sorts of things simply because we “want something.”

    2) Not asking in Jesus’ name: “And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son.” (John 14:13) We must be asking (and believing) in the powerful name of Jesus Christ. Just tacking his name onto the end of a prayer is of no value. We must truly be asking in his name and by his authority. Notice the end of this verse which includes another aspect of prayer . . .

    3) The answers we seek must also be for the glory of God. I’ve heard very few prayers prayed with that aspect in mind.

    4) We must always defer to God’s omniscient, sovereign will: “This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.” (1 John 5:14) Ultimately, God knows what’s best in every situation. He has his perfect reasons for everything. God expects his children to pray in faith–faith that God will respond in his own way and time. God uses prayer to encourage us to seek him and to commune with him. Our faith then is built as we see answers to prayer. But that doesn’t change the fact that unless the thing being prayed for is in his will, it isn’t going to come to pass.

    As human beings we look at most everything from a very temporal view. From conception to death, we have a finite number of years. We want what we want now. We typically don’t see things from an eternal view. God lives outside of time and sees the entire picture. Therefore, the number of years a person lives is not that important to him. It’s what that person does in the life they’re given that has any potential lasting value; and that only if it’s done to the glory of God. Our spirits are eternal while our bodies are not. He’s much more interested in our spirit, and focuses on building that up for eternal purposes. Notice that the vast amount of prayers are for temporal things; somebody’s health, wealth, or prosperity. Those things mean nothing for eternity. We hear very few prayers having to do with eternal things; the salvation of lost people, the building up of his kingdom, the empowering of someone to seek God’s will and to do it, and praying for things that will bring him glory. Therefore, much of what we pray for does go unanswered.

  • Philip Koen says:

    Something that I don’t understand is why people only pray for sick people but the moment that somebody dies they stop asking their God to help. The same goes for amputees, people will ask God to heal all kinds of illnesses but they never ask for the regeneration of amputated limbs, why not? People will pray for paralyzed people but not for an amputee, they will pray for a blind man to see but they will not pray for a man without eyes to receive eyes, why not, in the Bible he healed a cut off ear? If God is almighty and you believe that he can do anything why not ask for this? The Bible tells us that dead persons were raised from the dead and it promises that everything that we ask with enough faith will happen.

    I was at a funeral where the pastor took his text from the story of Lazarus, this pastor went on about how almighty God is and said that if one believes enough you can ask God to raise the dead and he will be able to do so, only my respect for the family of the deceased person kept me from raising my hand in the church and ask the pastor why he does not put his money where his mouth is and pray to God to bring the deceased from the dead, to stand there and go on about how easy it is for God to raise this young person in that coffin without asking your God to do so is downright stupid.

    Is it because everybody knows unconsciously that this belief in miracles and healing etc is irrational?

  • Sharon says:

    to Stella my sympathy for the loss of your son I can’t imagine on what you are going through I am sorry if you thought it was a criminal offence its not a criminal offence to not believe I know a lady who had two friends one older than the other who were sick the younger lady had young children and this lady I know prayed for both to get well but the younger lady passed away I don’t know why God lets people die even after praying for them to get better I am sorry you lost your faith–sharon

  • Stella says:

    To Sharon,
    Like I stated in my previous posts. I was a very strong believer and I knew for sure that nothing would go wrong with prayers as long as you said it in faith. Here now comes my time. My son was diagonised for leukemia and for two years he battled with the disease till he lost the battle. I prayed and prayed believing that since god gave us a lot of promises (refer to the bible) on the power of prayers, my son would get better. I spent a lot of time plead with god to give my son life but that did not happen. Every night I would spend about two hours sleeping while the rest of the hours am praying. I used all the worlds one would think of in the world to talk to god but to no rescue. Now tell me What more words do I have to say to god that I did not say when my son was sick? If he failed to answer me that time will he now answer me?. I have no reason to believe and I do not think it is a criminal offence.
    I know for sure that when a problem comes. neither god nor the bible nor prayers will stop it. This have to happen the way they are supposed to.

  • Stella says:

    To Patty.
    I have to say I feel much better and am not pretending to be. It is because I have accepted that there was no god to prevent my son from such tragedy. I have accepted it as natural and this has helped me from asking such questions as why?. I realised that if I continued believing in god, this would give me more pain because I would not expected the god that is said to be almighty to allow such things happen to innocent children. What did thy do?
    If I may ask you. Why do you at times get angry and everyday you have to remind yourself to breathe. I thought believers would be rejoicing like nothing happen since heave has already welcomed their beloved ones.

  • Sharon says:

    to patty and Stella my sympathy on your losses. to Philip Koen it is Stella’s right to feel sad and it is natural to question God I am not sure people judge people who have lost ones and lose their faith its sad that they lose their faith but for me such tragedies to go through can be tough but if we lean on God he will get is through and hopefully we can become better for it and not bitter I am sad you and Stella don’t believe— sharon

  • Philip Koen says:

    To Patty- You ask Stella how she can have peace if she does not believe in a God,I don’t think anyone can have really peace after the loss of a child but I reckon it is easier for non-believers to accept this loss, knowing that there was no one to prevent this. I think that to somebody that used to pray and praise a God and then experience such a loss it is even more difficult to understand and accept the loss than somebody who does not believe in an entity that could help or prevented the tragedy. It is natural for the believer to wonder why his/her God allowed such a tragedy or why their God did not help or prevented the tragedy. A nonbeliever has the same pain and grief but they do not have to go through the process of asking why their God did not intervene, they don’t have to wonder why he did not help, simply because they do not believe in a God and his promises.

    You say to Stella that you cannot believe that she feels better for being angry at God but immediately after that you say that you also feel angry but you do not know at what, after such a loss a lot of emotions will and do go through a person’s mind and that is normal but it is more logical to be angry at whoever could prevent this tragedy but did not do so than to say you don’t know at what you are angry.

    I want to make it clear that I feel equally sorry for you and Stella as well as for everyone else who has lost a child but why is it so impossible to understand that everyone else has a different way of coping with these kind of things, I cannot help to feel that everybody tries to tell Stella that he is wrong, isn’t it her right to feel like that, I’m after all sure that some of the others also feel angry at their God but don’t want to admit it. It is natural to ask questions and specially from an entity that is suppose to love you and to protect you and your loved ones.

    A lot of people lose their faith in their God after such tragedies, why judge them?

  • Patty says:

    Stella, If you don’t have hope, or believe in God. How can you find peace? The hope for peace is better than living in anger. In which I trying to find.. PEACE….. I can not image that you feel better being so angry against God. Like I said I”m trying, there are days I’m so angry but I don’t know at what.. Than I pray.. Peace comes

  • patty says:

    Allison. Thank you so much, means so much to me that you responsed. I too feel that this forum had changed , but your response means to me that your prayers and advice are real and strong. Thank you. I do have so much support but at times I want to be alone . I have a hard time being around family, because it’s hurts to see everyone so happy with there kids. I know that god does not want me to envy of them, but I am.. I miss my life with me boys. Again thank you so much for just responding and caring. I pray for you too. God bless you

  • Patty says:

    It started in 2012., my 19 old son got sentenced to 5 years to prison for taking the rap for what he thought was a friend, that same years my 26 year old son was sent to the emergency room with extreme pain, they found a tumor, had surgery the day after Xmas, it was cancer but the said they got it all, three days later my father passed away… Still staying strong cause my sons cancer was gone. Thanking God everyday… Than in 2014 , the cancer came back, this time he did the chemo, he was so strong, full of hope. Finish the treatment and the Dr said it was all gone, but he still didn’t feel good, insisted that the Dr do more test. The Dr. Said all ready showed it was gone. My son demanded a cat scan and yes the tumor was back only after2months after the chemo treatment . All the Dr.s said another treatment of chemo would cure it. We did it, 1 week after the first treatment, he got I’ll with sepsis, was in ICU for 9 days and passed away on Superbowl 2015, he was a sports fanatic. I have lots of support, sometimes too much. I miss both my boys do much. I struggle each day, but the only hope I have is my faith. I’m angry, confused, feel guilty for not taking care of him better. Everyday I remind myself to breathe.

  • Chris says:

    patty…i dont see your post. please repost so we can seek God for the answers you need!

  • Tom Tom says:

    non believer–
    I’d like to briefly respond to your post here, but since your post does not really fit the theme of this particular blog, may I suggest you visit “10 Spiritual Questions and Their Answers,” “Natural World, Supernatural God,“ or one of the other blogs dealing with the existence of God to continue the discussion?

    The Bible says that man has enough evidence for God in the created world, the Word of God, Jesus Christ, and their own God-given consciences to “see” and to know that God exists. It tells us that man, in his unrighteousness (sin) tries to deny God’s existence.

    You made several statements about what you believe, but you didn’t give any reasons for your beliefs. Would you like to explain why you believe what you believe?

    If you were to visit the “churches” (actually just believers gathering together wherever and whenever they can) in places like Africa, India, and China, you’d see that wealth, money, and power has nothing to do with their beliefs or worship. Yes, there are some churches and people who are trying to get fame and fortune, but God will deal with them very strictly one day.

    Finally, all people will one day be bodily resurrected. Jesus was simply the first of those in order to prove the power of God over life and death and sin. When Jesus returns, everyone will be resurrected to face the final judgment of God; those who believe to everlasting life with God, and those who didn’t believe to everlasting separation from God.

  • Allison says:

    I am sorry that I did not respond to your post. I did read it and, as a bereaved mother and the mother of sons, it resonated with me. I did not respond because it seems that every time we said anything on this thread, we were attacked. I think it is better to leave this thread for the time being. It has been hijacked and is no longer a good place for someone trying to find comfort. Patti, I, and I know there are others, who are deeply sorry for your loss and the daily pain you are learning to live with…..your “new,” unwelcome reality. I have been on this journey for 18 years and contrary to what others on here have implied, I am not a simpleton or fool, I can assure you that there is, indeed, comfort in scripture and prayer if your heart is open. It is not an easy path and it is often times very lonely, but if you stay honest before God (sharing your heart in prayer), you will learn to walk with this pain and learn to accept it as a part of the great love you have for your son. After a time (years), you will embrace the pain and will treasure it in the same way you treasure the joy your son’s love brought you because, too, will represent your great love for him. Try not to let your heart be consumed by bitterness. I often would remind myself that I would not let his life and death be remembered by how it had made me a bitter, ugly person. He was too good and beautiful for that and that is not what he would want for me. I prayed everyday for God to open my eyes to the way he was going to share his love with that day. When something happened or I read a scripture that comforted me or helped in any way, I would write it down so that I could go back and read it on the extremely hard days. That notebook bolstered my faith and kept me going (and still does). I called it Glimpses of God. I know I am going to take a beating for writing all of this on this forum but here it is and now I am truly off this one. A woman that I met with some after her daughter died wrote a little book about her “Glimpses of God” and I believe you can still find it on Amazon or perhaps even on Better World Books used. Again, I’m sorry to have not responded Patti, but I wouldn’t encourage anymore conversation on this thread.
    God bless you and help you.

  • Tom Tom says:

    I can’t speak for the others, but since your last post said your phone was dying and you’d finish the post later, I was waiting to hear the rest of your story before responding. Sorry.

  • non believer says:

    Why do we have these people that beleive things they cannot see and will never see. I am talking about this so called myth of there being a God a Jesus, a Mary, a Josphef ans so one. There is no such thing it an indoctrination of your minds by churches and preachers and the so called believers of these fairy stories.When you die that is the end, that is evolution. You hear,see,feel nothing. God is not there to resurect you or for that matter any one of your lost ones.
    If as you belive in this other world called heaven or for that matter hell and Jesus will bring you back to life where are you loved ones. Still in their graves as one would expect.God rose his son from tbe dead so we are all ,ed to believe why then cannot he raise your loved ones? Indead a very selfish god.The name hell was brought into being to frighten you all to believe that you have to be good to get to this so called heaven. The churches and preachers are making fortunes out of this.Do you ever see a poor religion yet they say it is harder for a rich man to get get to heaven than for a camel to get through the eye of a needle. Theyvaught to lractice whatbthey preach not utter crap.

  • patty says:

    I find it interesting that no one was on this forum today . Or no cared about my lose. People were more interested in Phillips comments. That’s OK. Cause in reality no one can help me.

  • patty says:

    Sorry. I will finish this later my phone is dying.

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