How Can I Have Faith After Losing My Son?

Written by Christie Hoos

faith_havefaithI have never been a big fan of the “paste a smile on and pretend it’s okay” club.

In my case it was months after my son, Noah’s, death that I began to feel angry. I had to return to work and the crushing unfairness of it all began to sink in. I used to think that people of true faith accepted everything quietly and calmly, but now I’m not so sure.

I wrestled with God for several months.

My husband was afraid that he would never get his wife back. If anyone saw me walking in the woods behind our house they must have thought I was crazy — I was muttering, crying, even shouting at God. I read books in the bible that dealt with people who were suffering — Job, Psalms, Ecclesiastes and Lamentations — and was reassured that some of God’s favorite people were angry and confused by Him. The best advice I got was that giving God the silent treatment would only punish me. God can take it, so tell Him what you are feeling.

How can I have faith you ask? I’ll try to answer you as best I can. My husband is a scholar and he finds reassurance in philisophical arguements about truth, the state of the world and nature of God. I’ll admit that these truths are convincing and I would be happy to share some with you if you like, but in crisis my faith was not bolstered by academic points so I won’t get into them now.

First I must explain my faith to you, so that you know what I am choosing to rely on.

I do believe with my whole heart that God is good and the world is not. The bible is clear that because of our choices to reject God we live in a fallen world full of sickness, natural disasters, pain and death. This is not God’s purpose for humanity – he wants us to live with Him where there is no pain, no sadness, no death. In order to make this happen He made the greatest sacrifice, He sent His own son to die, to pay the price for our wrong choices (it is hard to imagine that He loves us so much that he would allow his son to die – on purpose). When Jesus rose from the dead three days later He destroyed forever the power of death over the human soul. Still, we must choose to accept or reject this gift. That is the faith I have.

I trust in Jesus to pay for my wrongs and to save me from death.

Especially since Noah’s death, this hope is my foundation. I know that one day I will see not only Jesus but my son again. I would rather he was with me, but since he is not I am so glad that he is safe and loved. For this reason I hold onto my faith. I even wrote a website all about this – Noah’s Place.

Not only that, but my faith in Jesus is about relationship. Like I said, I have been angry with Him. I will never be happy that my son is away from me (even temporarily). I miss him terribly. There is a hole in our family and in my heart that aches. But God does know how we feel. He lost His son too. And He has made it so clear to me that He loves me more than I can comprehend. This comfort did not come quickly or easily. Slowly, in so many ways – through reading the bible, praying (even angry and despairing prayers), through nature, through others around me — God put His arms around me and helped my broken heart to heal. He was there all along I just had to open up to Him.

To live without faith seems to me a hopeless, comfortless and pointless existence.

So I hold on, even when I don’t feel like it. This is how I have faith, not a feeling or an experience, but a decision. As Job said “though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him.” I can’t imagine life without Jesus. Holding onto faith has been a struggle, but to live without it, is unthinkable.

You have a choice to make also. Faith is not something you lose, it’s something you choose or reject. I’m sorry to say that anyone who has lost a child has a very long and hard journey ahead of them. Grief is exhausting, messy, and misunderstood. Anger and confusion are normal and healthy (only if you get stuck there for an extended amount of time will you need to worry and seek medical help). If you have lost a child, be patient with yourself, you are in mourning. Do not rely on your feelings to decide what you believe. Look ahead – what kind of life do you want? Who do you want to be?

I would not trade my Noah for a child that lived.

I would not have chosen this path, it has been hard and painful, but it has changed me for the better. I am forever grateful to my son for that.

In Love,
Noah’s Mom

If you have lost a child, know that you are not alone. I can’t tell you why you’re child is gone, but I can tell you that there is a God who loves you and who loves your child. He knows what it means to lose a son.

Are you struggling with a sadness that never seems to end? We are here to talk


567 Responses to “How Can I Have Faith After Losing My Son?”

  • Sharon says:

    to Janet thank you for your comment for Regina I love that quote. and good for you for going to grief share I pray it helps you. I am praying for all of the people grieving their lost one. I pray God’s comfort on you all– sharon

  • Janet says:


    My deepest condolences..i lost my son four months to the day today…i feel i will never be the same..i send prayers for you and everyone here..We need to continue..i feel i will grieve the rest of my life for my son. I met a lady the other day she was about 80years old..she had told me she lost her son when he was 19years old..and she thinks and misses him made me sad that..I have to be here without him..losing a child is out of sync..out of friend who also lost her son last year two weeks after he was born..
    Sent me this quote…”The day I stop missing you is the day I will be with you again”.this is the hope we have to hold onto..his dad tells me everyday we will see him again..and that he is ok..and at peace…and that his world..the ones that olare left behind are the ones that suffers..,i know that cant take the pain away…but that is the hope that our God is merciful and loving..and i also go to GRIEFSHARE..they are all over the u.s. just google it.. i hope this helps everyone…keep praying…take care

  • Sharon says:

    to Sheldon thank you sooo much for taking Philip out of this site I was hoping someone would we couldn’t talk here on this site because of Philip insulting our faith so thank you again- God bless you sharon

  • Sharon says:

    to Regina my deepest sympathy to you on the death of your two sons how horrible for you to lost two sons. prayer father God I do pray for Regina I pray comfort over you. its ok to grieve and take the time to grieve I can’t imagine on what you are feeling my heart goes our to you may God comfort you at this time I will continue to pray for you— sharon

  • Regina says:

    I lost son two yrs ago and still am grieving please help

  • Janet says:

    Hi everyone,
    I just wanted to say..that as a grieving parent..that..all this commotion on this site is ridiculous..I thank everyone for the uplifting words.. I am a believer yes..but when i first posted..i didnt appreciate..a certain someone…that it does more harm than good to believe..because God didnt save my son..I am a believer…and as other believers..we should come together and not pull eachother down..even if someones take is different than yours..maybe they misunderstood..or the understanding of scripture is different than yours..but the fact that we do believe in Jesus and God we should look past this..I hope i think her name is Cheryl will continue on this site because she gives good positive messages as well as Tom and many for the. nonbelievers..well they dont believe..but i think they shouldnt persuade us not to believe in God..but as believers we are somewhat comforted by scriptures…
    Even nonbelievers..need comfort..that is too why they are coming here to be uplifted..but we shouldnt be so negative..and if we are..we should get off this site…

Leave a Reply