How Can I Have Faith After Losing My Son?

Written by Christie Hoos

faith_havefaithI have never been a big fan of the “paste a smile on and pretend it’s okay” club.

In my case it was months after my son, Noah’s, death that I began to feel angry. I had to return to work and the crushing unfairness of it all began to sink in. I used to think that people of true faith accepted everything quietly and calmly, but now I’m not so sure.

I wrestled with God for several months.

My husband was afraid that he would never get his wife back. If anyone saw me walking in the woods behind our house they must have thought I was crazy — I was muttering, crying, even shouting at God. I read books in the bible that dealt with people who were suffering — Job, Psalms, Ecclesiastes and Lamentations — and was reassured that some of God’s favorite people were angry and confused by Him. The best advice I got was that giving God the silent treatment would only punish me. God can take it, so tell Him what you are feeling.

How can I have faith you ask? I’ll try to answer you as best I can. My husband is a scholar and he finds reassurance in philisophical arguements about truth, the state of the world and nature of God. I’ll admit that these truths are convincing and I would be happy to share some with you if you like, but in crisis my faith was not bolstered by academic points so I won’t get into them now.

First I must explain my faith to you, so that you know what I am choosing to rely on.

I do believe with my whole heart that God is good and the world is not. The bible is clear that because of our choices to reject God we live in a fallen world full of sickness, natural disasters, pain and death. This is not God’s purpose for humanity – he wants us to live with Him where there is no pain, no sadness, no death. In order to make this happen He made the greatest sacrifice, He sent His own son to die, to pay the price for our wrong choices (it is hard to imagine that He loves us so much that he would allow his son to die – on purpose). When Jesus rose from the dead three days later He destroyed forever the power of death over the human soul. Still, we must choose to accept or reject this gift. That is the faith I have.

I trust in Jesus to pay for my wrongs and to save me from death.

Especially since Noah’s death, this hope is my foundation. I know that one day I will see not only Jesus but my son again. I would rather he was with me, but since he is not I am so glad that he is safe and loved. For this reason I hold onto my faith. I even wrote a website all about this – Noah’s Place.

Not only that, but my faith in Jesus is about relationship. Like I said, I have been angry with Him. I will never be happy that my son is away from me (even temporarily). I miss him terribly. There is a hole in our family and in my heart that aches. But God does know how we feel. He lost His son too. And He has made it so clear to me that He loves me more than I can comprehend. This comfort did not come quickly or easily. Slowly, in so many ways – through reading the bible, praying (even angry and despairing prayers), through nature, through others around me — God put His arms around me and helped my broken heart to heal. He was there all along I just had to open up to Him.

To live without faith seems to me a hopeless, comfortless and pointless existence.

So I hold on, even when I don’t feel like it. This is how I have faith, not a feeling or an experience, but a decision. As Job said “though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him.” I can’t imagine life without Jesus. Holding onto faith has been a struggle, but to live without it, is unthinkable.

You have a choice to make also. Faith is not something you lose, it’s something you choose or reject. I’m sorry to say that anyone who has lost a child has a very long and hard journey ahead of them. Grief is exhausting, messy, and misunderstood. Anger and confusion are normal and healthy (only if you get stuck there for an extended amount of time will you need to worry and seek medical help). If you have lost a child, be patient with yourself, you are in mourning. Do not rely on your feelings to decide what you believe. Look ahead – what kind of life do you want? Who do you want to be?

I would not trade my Noah for a child that lived.

I would not have chosen this path, it has been hard and painful, but it has changed me for the better. I am forever grateful to my son for that.

In Love,
Christie
Noah’s Mom

If you have lost a child, know that you are not alone. I can’t tell you why you’re child is gone, but I can tell you that there is a God who loves you and who loves your child. He knows what it means to lose a son.

Are you struggling with a sadness that never seems to end? We are here to talk

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60 Responses to “How Can I Have Faith After Losing My Son?”

  • Aldo says:

    Ursula, allow me to pray for you.

    Dear Heavenly Father, You know what it is to lose a son, so You know what Ursula is experiencing. I pray that You would touch her and her entire family with Your love, grace, and mercy, and renew within them the joy of Your salvation, in Jesus precious Name, Amen.

  • Ursula says:

    Unfortunately, I can offer sincere sympathy and understanding to any parent of a lost child. Last year on October 30th our world was rocked when someone murdered our 26 year old son as he waited for a burger. I have been a christian my entire life. But believing in God and church attendance does not prepare one for such a tragic loss. In the midst of my grief if feels as if I’ve lost God too (even though I know he’s there).. But, nothing feels the same. The only thing that seems to give comfort is in writing –journaling and writing my son’s story. I hm hoping to get it finished in the next coming months. In April.some people in our community put together a walk against gang violence to commemorate the six month anniversary of the shooting. A video was produced to share our story. Please feel free to view and share it as you wish.
    The link is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GK74GVYG8_A
    God please Bless us all as we go through the pain …

  • Tom Tom says:

    SMA–

    God was right where he always is during tragedy–right there waiting for those affected by tragedy to turn to him for comfort. Death is at the end of every life, some sooner, some later, but always inevitable. God has not promised to prevent every baby, child, or adult from dying. He has promised that he will offer comfort in such times, and he has promised that all who come to him in faith will live forever with him even after physical death.

    I’m sorry for your loss SMA. I pray that you will allow the God of all comfort to meet you in your sorrow and to begin to heal your wounds.

  • Aldo says:

    SMA, better yet, where were you when God’s Son died for your sin on the cross of Cavalry?

  • Sma says:

    @ Steve, I understand how you feel(what you going through). So angry @ God too_i keep on asking Him”God” about His promises”He said His Promises are Yes n Amen”:- where was Him when my son died?

  • Chris says:

    jules…i regret to hear of your sorrow. having lost my parents also, i can identify with your pain. you see, noone on this earth lives forever. that isnt gods plan for us. once Adam introduced sin into this world and we his children have followed his pattern, then the only result can be physical death but jesus has promised us in John 11.26 that those who believe in him will never really die. their spirit leaves their bodies but those who have christ on earth, will be with christ in heaven. our seperation from our loved ones is only temporary. one day our lives will be reunited once more so we can continue Gods eternal plan that he has for all for all ages. for more information on that log onto knowingjesuspersonally.com or click talk to a mentor above. i pray jesus console your life with the knowledge that death is only a temporary seperation. one which jesus himself will conquer one day for all of us who trust in him. blessings to you and peace as well!

  • Chris says:

    Steve…i regret to hear of this tragedy….without knowing the whys of why your child died, i can share that God does have answers for us as we seek him about them. we know that God can do no wrong or else he wouldnt be God. the bible shows us itself that there are many dangers in this world we must be aware of. when Adam and eve introduced sin into this world, curses and sicknesses entered with it. satan became the new vice-regent of this world, Adam forfeiting his God-given position. the bible says in acts 10.38 that jesus went about doing good healing all who were oppressed of the devil. jesus has come to give us life, John 10.10, but the thief comes only to kill, steal and destroy. i would pray you would see the difference between God wanting to save and bless us through christ vs satan who only wants to destroy, deceive and divide us from God. you can find out more on how to have the true life of christ in your life by logging onto knowingjesuspersonally.com or by clicking talk to a mentor above. i pray jesus console your heart today and give you the assurance of his promises that as you enter into convenant with him, those covenant promises will become yours to live by in jesus name i pray amen!

  • Jules says:

    Steve
    I read ur post. I feel the same thing. This anger . I talk and go on but it’s always there. When my dad died of leukemia, I lost him and I lost something inside of me that am never getting bacK. Time doesn’t heal. There is no solace.

  • steve says:

    My wife & I lost our only child, a son, 4+ years ago. I used to like talking to people and laughing a lot. Now I can not enjoy ANYTHING!! I just want to hit something or someone. I Hate life now……………It is a worthless existence now. At least God got his son back 3 days later, I haven’t heard from my son or God for that matter. He must really not like me. I don’t believe he talks to people, I think it is all made up…………..

  • Chris says:

    Jeanne….i regret to hear of your loss. having lost close loved ones including my parents, i know that my faith in jesus was the only thing that got me through. he will help you too to know that we can trust jesus to keep our loved ones. life is short. whether we live 22 years or 82 years. we will all one day leave this world. we need to be ready as pilgrims just passing through. i encourage you to log onto knowingjesuspersonally.com or click talk to a mentor above for more information on knowing jesus ans his peace that passes all understanding. i pray that jesus comfort you today in knowing that death in this life isnt the end but rather a new beginning to the next one amen

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