How Can I Have Faith After Losing My Son?

Written by Christie Hoos

faith_havefaithI have never been a big fan of the “paste a smile on and pretend it’s okay” club.

In my case it was months after my son, Noah’s, death that I began to feel angry. I had to return to work and the crushing unfairness of it all began to sink in. I used to think that people of true faith accepted everything quietly and calmly, but now I’m not so sure.

I wrestled with God for several months.

My husband was afraid that he would never get his wife back. If anyone saw me walking in the woods behind our house they must have thought I was crazy — I was muttering, crying, even shouting at God. I read books in the bible that dealt with people who were suffering — Job, Psalms, Ecclesiastes and Lamentations — and was reassured that some of God’s favorite people were angry and confused by Him. The best advice I got was that giving God the silent treatment would only punish me. God can take it, so tell Him what you are feeling.

How can I have faith you ask? I’ll try to answer you as best I can. My husband is a scholar and he finds reassurance in philisophical arguements about truth, the state of the world and nature of God. I’ll admit that these truths are convincing and I would be happy to share some with you if you like, but in crisis my faith was not bolstered by academic points so I won’t get into them now.

First I must explain my faith to you, so that you know what I am choosing to rely on.

I do believe with my whole heart that God is good and the world is not. The bible is clear that because of our choices to reject God we live in a fallen world full of sickness, natural disasters, pain and death. This is not God’s purpose for humanity – he wants us to live with Him where there is no pain, no sadness, no death. In order to make this happen He made the greatest sacrifice, He sent His own son to die, to pay the price for our wrong choices (it is hard to imagine that He loves us so much that he would allow his son to die – on purpose). When Jesus rose from the dead three days later He destroyed forever the power of death over the human soul. Still, we must choose to accept or reject this gift. That is the faith I have.

I trust in Jesus to pay for my wrongs and to save me from death.

Especially since Noah’s death, this hope is my foundation. I know that one day I will see not only Jesus but my son again. I would rather he was with me, but since he is not I am so glad that he is safe and loved. For this reason I hold onto my faith. I even wrote a website all about this – Noah’s Place.

Not only that, but my faith in Jesus is about relationship. Like I said, I have been angry with Him. I will never be happy that my son is away from me (even temporarily). I miss him terribly. There is a hole in our family and in my heart that aches. But God does know how we feel. He lost His son too. And He has made it so clear to me that He loves me more than I can comprehend. This comfort did not come quickly or easily. Slowly, in so many ways – through reading the bible, praying (even angry and despairing prayers), through nature, through others around me — God put His arms around me and helped my broken heart to heal. He was there all along I just had to open up to Him.

To live without faith seems to me a hopeless, comfortless and pointless existence.

So I hold on, even when I don’t feel like it. This is how I have faith, not a feeling or an experience, but a decision. As Job said “though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him.” I can’t imagine life without Jesus. Holding onto faith has been a struggle, but to live without it, is unthinkable.

You have a choice to make also. Faith is not something you lose, it’s something you choose or reject. I’m sorry to say that anyone who has lost a child has a very long and hard journey ahead of them. Grief is exhausting, messy, and misunderstood. Anger and confusion are normal and healthy (only if you get stuck there for an extended amount of time will you need to worry and seek medical help). If you have lost a child, be patient with yourself, you are in mourning. Do not rely on your feelings to decide what you believe. Look ahead – what kind of life do you want? Who do you want to be?

I would not trade my Noah for a child that lived.

I would not have chosen this path, it has been hard and painful, but it has changed me for the better. I am forever grateful to my son for that.

In Love,
Christie
Noah’s Mom

If you have lost a child, know that you are not alone. I can’t tell you why you’re child is gone, but I can tell you that there is a God who loves you and who loves your child. He knows what it means to lose a son.

Are you struggling with a sadness that never seems to end? We are here to talk

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596 Responses to “How Can I Have Faith After Losing My Son?”

  • Janet says:

    Hi everyone,
    I just wanted to say..that as a grieving parent..that..all this commotion on this site is ridiculous..I thank everyone for the uplifting words.. I am a believer yes..but when i first posted..i didnt appreciate..a certain someone…that it does more harm than good to believe..because ..my God didnt save my son..I am a believer…and as other believers..we should come together and not pull eachother down..even if someones take is different than yours..maybe they misunderstood..or the understanding of scripture is different than yours..but the fact that we do believe in Jesus and God we should look past this..I hope i think her name is Cheryl will continue on this site because she gives good positive messages as well as Tom and many others..as for the. nonbelievers..well they dont believe..but i think they shouldnt persuade us not to believe in God..but as believers we are somewhat comforted by scriptures…
    Even nonbelievers..need comfort..that is too why they are coming here to be uplifted..but we shouldnt be so negative..and if we are..we should get off this site…

  • Regina says:

    I lost son two yrs ago and still am grieving please help

  • Sharon says:

    to Regina my deepest sympathy to you on the death of your two sons how horrible for you to lost two sons. prayer father God I do pray for Regina I pray comfort over you. its ok to grieve and take the time to grieve I can’t imagine on what you are feeling my heart goes our to you may God comfort you at this time I will continue to pray for you— sharon

  • Sharon says:

    to Sheldon thank you sooo much for taking Philip out of this site I was hoping someone would we couldn’t talk here on this site because of Philip insulting our faith so thank you again- God bless you sharon

  • Janet says:

    Regina,

    My deepest condolences..i lost my son four months to the day today…i feel i will never be the same..i send prayers for you and everyone here..We need to continue..i feel i will grieve the rest of my life for my son. I met a lady the other day she was about 80years old..she had told me she lost her son when he was 19years old..and she thinks and misses him still..it made me sad that..I have to be here without him..losing a child is out of sync..out of order..my friend who also lost her son last year two weeks after he was born..
    Sent me this quote…”The day I stop missing you is the day I will be with you again”.this is the hope we have to hold onto..his dad tells me everyday we will see him again..and that he is ok..and at peace…and that his world..the ones that olare left behind are the ones that suffers..,i know that cant take the pain away…but that is the hope that our God is merciful and loving..and i also go to GRIEFSHARE..they are all over the u.s. just google it.. i hope this helps everyone…keep praying…take care

  • Sharon says:

    to Janet thank you for your comment for Regina I love that quote. and good for you for going to grief share I pray it helps you. I am praying for all of the people grieving their lost one. I pray God’s comfort on you all– sharon

  • athiest says:

    Why do you all believe such utter crap in this so called god. If there is a god why is he so uterly selfish that he raises his own son from the dead yet not one of you has he raised your loved ones from the dead. Religion is way to comfort the grieving and make pots of money at the same time. Do you ever see a poor church?When you are dead you have no functioning organ or brain and dont know your dead. You see, hear and feel nothing. Wake up all of you and stop grievinf and enjoy your life as there is not another one

  • Tom Tom says:

    Athiest—
    While this is not the forum to go into detail, I would be most happy to engage you in conversation. Among other things, your post reveals certain moral concerns that don’t make sense in an atheistic worldview, and you make blanket statements about things you know nothing about—for example, what does or doesn’t happen at death. If you’d like to back up your statements and objections, please go to the blog titled “Investigating Spirituality” and make a post. I’ll be glad to oblige your viewpoint there.

  • Truth says:

    I am a Christian that doesn’t fit the mode of the traditional Christian way of thinking. I never pretend that things are okay when they are not. I don’t like or will I give traditional Christian answers to things or throw a bunch of bible verses to try and cover up any pain, thoughts or feelings. I believe in standing in your truth and feelings before God and man.

    So first of all you have every right to feel mad at God for loosing your child he is big enough to handle it. My mother lost 2 babies and almost 30 years later at my wedding her babies memories brought her to tears. So I want you to know that your pain and feeling is real.

    I am not going to tell you to get over it or some day that everything will make sense because for some people things fall in line while for others it doesn’t. I grew up in a third world country and I have seen generation after generation of people born and die in poverty while others escaped. So everyone does not have the same experiences.

    All I want to say that I applaud you for sharing your experience so that others that are going through the same thing knows that they are not alone in their feelings because that is where most people find strength, in numbers. I also want you to know that I am the mother of a special needs child that I have learned at night to cry after a difficult day, then I pray, then I sleep and the next morning I get up and face the day. I don’t do it with unrealistic optimism or hypocrisy or fakeness. I do it because I am still here and even before all these issues and losses came I had a purpose and a dream and I can’t let anything stop me.

    The worst thing anyone can do in times of chaos is abandon themselves where they loose touch with their mind body and spirit. That’s what the devil wants us to do so he can rob us of our true destiny. The Lord wants to bless us and some may ask then why did he give you that child and then take it away. But even in Noah’s life and death there was a blessing. He gave you love through that child, you called him Noah but God called him love. God knew he was the perfect prescription for a life like yours and a heart like yourd. He opened your heart to love through that child but there was a time frame. Its not how long he was here that is important but the fact that he was here that you had such a beautiful honor of being his mother.

    Give yourself time but in the meantime focus on your marriage also. Don’t lose everything because you lost one thing. Finally let his life live on by transcending his love to others. Help someone, hug someone.

  • Elkay says:

    Truth, when I saw your post a few days ago, I copied it and saved it into my “files” because it spoke so openly and honestly about what faith is all about, trusting God when life does not make sense. Jesus called that “great faith” and it is what He will be looking for when He returns (Luke 18:8). Thank you very much for what you have said; your last paragraph in particular contains outstanding advice to anyone who has lost a child or any loved one. May God bless you today with exactly what He alone knows you need today.

  • Amy says:

    I lost my precious 13 year old son 4 months ago. I still miss him as much as I did 2 weeks after his death. I just can’t believe that he is really gone. We have a huge void in our family and in our lives. I feel like I will never feel true joy again on this earth. I just can’t without my son. Our faith (my husband, my daughter, and myself) in knowing we will be reunited in heaven someday is what we cling to. I don’t know how anyone without faith could ever survive a loss as great as this. I’m so sorry for anyone who has ever had to endure this pain. May God help us all.

  • Cheryl says:

    For those of you looking for comfort in the depth of grieving the loss of a child this website really offers little. It is not a safe place. Though Tom can offer you some insight to the love of the LORD, he himself has never experienced child loss and can not even imagine the depth of despair and the challenge that it brings to ones faith. The lost find it a place to bash God and call themselves humanitarians when they spew God hate at those most vulnerable and looking for reassurance in a God they once trusted.
    i would recommend the missfoundation for those who can relate to the devastation of child loss. It is not necessarily a sight that offers faith in child loss but it is a safe place and only allows those who have experienced child loss to participate.
    My son went to be with the LORD September 28,2015 and I am a faithful believer in Jesus Christ and I can tell you this is a most difficult, if not the most difficult journey any one will ever face. The LORD cares greatly for you and your pain and loves both you and your loved ones who have gone home. We will not get the answers we so desperately seek this side of heaven as to why this has happened but know that your heavenly Father wants to comfort you and try to lean on HIm.
    I wrote this piece this summer and thought I would share it with those of you who are suffering, I pray that God will bring His peace that surpasses all understanding and you can find some rest in that, although we are broken beyond words, our loved ones are in perfect peace and wait for us to be re united with them.

    Jesus Earthly Mother

    As the week approaches, the 28th of September, the saddest day of my life, I feel most reflective and sentimental. Today I was thinking about Mary, Jesus’ earthly mother, not that I suggest in any way that I should be compared with her, or my son to our savoir, but I was thinking I can imagine what Mary was feeling watching her son die and thinking,, “ I just don’t understand this, this is so horrible, where are you God, what is happening!” I wonder if she thought, “what went wrong, why is this happening, did I fail in someway, this is sorrow too big to carry!”
    Mary didn’t understand what God was doing or where He was in her greatest moment of sorrow, nor could she see any good in this horrible act. She couldn’t see the magnitude of good that would come from this horrible situation that seemed like only evil. As I reflect on Mary’s emotions I think of Molly Lindsay and Becky Butcher Stansbury and MarySue Lawrence and Sheri Roesel and I too, do not see why God has allowed this, but I am confident that those who have been chosen to carry great sorrow, have also been chosen to birth something of immense and eternal good. I know we can’t see the effects of it now, but I am confident that one day when we meet Jesus face to face, we will be humbled to know what we were entrusted with.

  • Sharon says:

    to Cheryl I am sorry you don’t think this site is a safe place. my sympathy on your loss I have loss last night my aunt ok she is an older person. I have lost people in my life ok not children but I can’t imagine on what you are going through. I feel for you on your loss I know its not easy losing a child before you hut I pray that you can lean on God during this difficult time. to Amy. my sympathy but I am glad you are clinging that you will see your son some day in heaven it is a good thing being a Christian knowing on where they are. May God comfort all on this site on who lost children– sharon

  • Cheryl says:

    Sharon- This is not a safe site because you do not have any mentors that know the depths of this despair and grief. My father died 7 years ago yesterday at the age of 67 and the loss of my own father does not hold a candle to the loss of my child. No one here can walk these broken people through this grieving process when none of you know what it feels like.
    it is also not a safe place because you allow people who are faithless to trample on the most vunerable of all people. Atheist and God haters should not even be allowed on this forum where the most wounded of all wounded people have come for some refuge. Keep these disputing people on one of your other sites concerning faith but not here where the afflicted have come to try to find some peace.
    Thank you for your condolenses yes I am clinging to Him the only peace in this storm.

  • Sharon says:

    to Cheryl thank you. if you can pray for people to come onto this site who does have sympathy for people who have lost children. I am praying for mentors to take that position as mentors who have lost children and want to mentor other people who have also lost children. if you are referring to Philip he is gone. you are right we should not allow people like that on the site. I am sorry you feel this site is not safe. I am praying for you- sharon

  • Truth says:

    Hi to both Cheryl and Sharon,

    I understand your point of view but I was wondering something. Does it matter who comes to the site whether they are believers or unbelievers? People have needs and sometimes we put the information in Google and we get routed here.

    I was lost and in dismay when I stumbled across the website. I’m at home recovering from a partial mastectomy. I will not know for sure if the tumor they removed is cancerous until the 1st week of December. I was not looking into loosing my children, I was wondering what I would do if they lost me. I have a 10 yr old special needs boy and I was wondering who would take care of him and bright 6 year old daughter and I would not like her light to go out if she had to deal with my loss.

    I know that the site may not offer the therapy of a grief counselor but those who don’t have the courage to seek help yet it may just offer them the courage to stand. I didn’t find what I was looking for that day but I was still assured when separate the flowers from the weed in the gallery of comments that life was hard, that even all of what I was going through in that moment that some people were dealing with more than I was and more importantly that life was a great gift from God and it was still worth fighting for.

    I want to thank Elkay for those kind words. It made my day.

  • Sharon says:

    to Truth thank you yes non Christians and Christians are welcome onto this site we will pray for people on this site along as people know this is a Christian site that we will pray for people on this site. and also people don’t judge other people by making fun of them. I pray Gods healing over your body and that it won’t be cancerous I am praying for you. sharon

  • Grieving Mother says:

    I am a mother who recently lost my first born son. My son was killed on August 25, 2016 at 3:12 am. The only advice I can give is this. I not only believe in a Higher Power but I have known for the past 16 years we do have a spirit. I do believe our Creator and Jesus does love all human beings. I do not believe in religion anymore.
    Having faith is based on believing in the unknown. Something you can’t see but there are people like me who are fortunate enough to have a near death experience.
    I grieve my son everyday, I pray for his spirit and ask the Highest Power to keep my son close to his/her ultimate love. See the reality for me is my son is finally free and My one HOPE is he is in the light to bring me home.
    No my pain is real here on earth, I cry over his death but the reality is my son knew he was going to die. He told me 3 months before his death and told my niece the last 4 days of his life. Mu son was hit by a car 8.5 hours after he left my sisters home.
    The pain I feel has lessoned but it never goes away. As a mother my heart is shattered and my soul has been ripped out of me.
    I hold on to the light, the golden lights that restored me 16 years ago but most of all I hold onto the Ultimate light that forgave,loved and freed me from all the pain and hurt of my past. My son is in this light being restored till he is reborn.

  • Olga says:

    Dear friends I too have my son missing and the investigation is still going on. I’m not even sure if the body we buried belongs to my son and every single day I hope he will return. He had taken the house keys and gone. Whoever has played the wicked plot has forgotten to put his keys or mysterious. I know the sharp pangs each one of you are going through and every single day I pray for each one of you and every single mother. I am working for the slum children and trusted God to take care of my son. Now where is my son? I can’t believe it.

  • Aldo says:

    Grieving Mother, you are right in not believing in religion. But, I am not sure that you have faith right when you say that faith is based on believing in the unknown. Saving faith is believing that we are all sinners in need of a Savior. That Savior is the “only begotten” Son of God, Jesus Christ, Who God the Father sent into the world as a human being to suffer and die on the cross of Calvary for my sins, your sins, and the sins of the entire human race. If we accept that and receive Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior we enter into a “relationship” with God (not religion). No one comes into a “relationship” with God without accepting the ultimate sacrifice God the Father has made available through His Son’s death. The Bible says in the gospel of John 3:16, “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.”

    As far as the light which you mentioned, Jesus Himself has said in John 8:12, “I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life.”

    Grieving Mother, you may have had an “illuminating experience” 16 years ago, but are you sure that you have entered into a “born again” relationship with God? I ask that because it seems that you are befuddled about how that happens. You mentioned in your last sentence that your son is in this light being restored till he is reborn. I do not doubt that he may be reborn, but the Bible says that being “born again” can only take place before death. Hebrews 9:27, “And as it is appointed for men to die once, but after this the judgment.”

    Grieving Mother, if you have never said a prayer like the following one, you can do so now. Remember, God knows your heart and is not as concerned with your words as He is with your intent.

    “Dear God, I admit I am a sinner and need Your forgiveness; I believe that Jesus Christ, Your Son, died in my place, paying the penalty for my sins. I am willing right now to turn from my sin and accept Him as my personal Savior and Lord. I commit myself to You, and ask You to send the Holy Spirit into my life, to fill me and take control, and to help me become the kind of person You want me to be. Thank You Father for loving me, forgiving my sins, and for giving me everlasting life, in Jesus name, Amen.”

    I pray that you do so, and that the peace of God comes to you, in Christ’s Name. Amen.

  • Cheryl and others interested in a community for Christians that have lost a child. Please contact me at sheldon.kotyk@p2c.com I’m interested in setting something up for you.

  • Roberto Alago says:

    Having lost a lot of my loved ones I too share in your pain. No. I havn’t lost a child but, I’ve lost both my parents, my brother who was my best friend, my favorite aunt, three cousins, two other brothers and two very good friends; all of whom were awesome people. However, I think the hope lies in the fact that death is only a temporary stage of life. For Christians, If we truly believe, there is hope in Christ. Because, Jesus rose from the dead, those who believe in him, will he raise again; at the sound of the trumpet, at his second coming, the dead in Christ will rise and those who are still alive will be transformed and together, we will be raised to the clouds to receive the Lord and we will be with him forever. For now, take comfort knowing your Child will no longer suffer the pains of leaving on this sinful world. No sickness, no pain, no hate, no war. When he or she awakes, life will continue in a perfect place, in the presence of an all loving God. When your time comes, you will also rest and one day, at the blink of an eye, you too will rejoice with our God, your Child and loved ones.
    Is like the caterpillar. When it goes into the cocoon; it dies as a caterpillar only to be awaken a beautiful butterfly.

  • Aldo says:

    Roberto, thank you for your words of encouragement.

    If you are interested in becoming a mentor, fill out an application with The Mentor Center. You may enjoy helping others find Christ in their lives.

  • Sharon says:

    I just lost my stepson. He is only 35, and yesterday he had a massive heart attack and died. He has a wife and three children of his own. He is my only child and has been the center of my family since I married his father almost 30 years ago. I thank God that my husband also has a wonderful daughter, but she was already grown when we married, and so she did not grow up seeing me as a(second)Mom. My heart is broken for us all. I know that there is a God and I know that he is in heaven and I know that right now my life is unbearable. I sit and I cry and I talk to my husband, and we try to do what we need to do and to put one foot in front of the other. And we try to distract ourselves, with the computer, with the TV, with a movie. But then it comes back and I feel so sick. My husband is a born again Christian and he has had so many horrible losses already in his life. As have I. Nothing has been like this. I am lost and immobilized in my grief. I have only told my brother and my supervisor when I called out of work. I dread calling my friends and my other relatives. I don’t want to have to say it. I am glad that my mother is gone and did not live to see this. I talked for a long time with my daughter in law today and I don’t know how she can stand it. They have been together since she was 16 and he was 18. We will help as much as we can. My brother’s heart is broken, too. My stepson was the only child in our family and he has been a doting uncle to him and great-uncle to his children all of his life. We all spent a wonderful Christmas together and that is the last time we were all together, Who could ever know that it would be the last time????????????

  • Melissa says:

    Dear Noahs mommy,
    I’m very sorry about your loss. I’m also grieving I lost my 4 y.o son almost 8 months ago. Anger, sadness, frustration the emotions were endless (still are). Everyday is a struggle for our family still. Breaks my heart god chose this for us. Our child had more love than anyone can imagine. Why us? Why did God need my little angel? Why did this horrible accident happen? So Many Questions I will never know. Tears a mother to pieces. Thank you for taking youre time, I enjoyed reading your piece.

  • Brenda says:

    I lost my son suddenly on December 10, 2016. He was 31 years old with a life plan ahead of him. He was the youngest of two children, my daughter being the oldest. The physical pain is unbearable, the emotional so exhausting. I pray he is safe and happy. I am so confused and heartbroken, the emptiness, the darkness of reality breaks me down every single day. I sit in church and cry, I sit at work and cry, I sit at home and cry. My faith is wavering, one minute I believe what I have always believed, that I will see him again. The next I fear there is only nothingness after death. My pastor tells me this is normal. I am not so sure, I am sure of nothing at this point.

  • Sharon says:

    to Brenda my deepest sympathy to you on the death of your son I am sooo sorry for your loss. I agree with the pastor it is normal people go through different emotions like anger, depression. bargaining and then acceptance but it is up to each person on how long they go through all of this. if you can let people be there for you to comfort you. it is OK to question your faith now as you are in sorrow. it is not easy losing a son suddenly to death or any time. I pray that you can be comforted at this time. I am praying comfort over you. sharon

  • Carole says:

    I have lost both sides of my family. While these are not children my baby sister died within 4 months of my mother. I have also lost my husband of 40 years, his brother, his brother’s wife, his mother, his father, and his other brother. This makes me the matriarch of the family and makes me very humbled and frightened sometimes. I myself quite breathing last year and it is taking a long time to come back from. The one thing I have learned is that God is in you and with you always just like he promised. Don’t take his love for granted because he is always there for you. Even if you don’t believe in God anymore he still believes in you.

  • Regina johhson says:

    I have also lost a son. And these commits have help me so much. I know and love God. But the pain and void is so great that it makes me think it will never be whole. But thanks for your commits it helps. It really does.

  • Aldo says:

    Regina and Carole, God is the God of all comfort- 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 says, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”

    May you be used by God to effectively comfort others. God bless.

  • catslove says:

    When she was still a child, my mother’s father died. A few nights after his death (after she had cried herself to sleep), my mother had a vivid dream that her father came to her bedside. In this dream she asked him, “Dad, what’s that like to die?” and he responded with one simple sentence: “Margaret, it’s like coming home”. That was the end of the dream, but it always stuck with her, as did the conviction that death is not like going out into the unknown abyss, but returning, coming back, to something warm and familiar…to family, back home. I am sending my deepest vibes of love out to all the parents who are suffering.

  • Elkay says:

    Catslove, thank you for sharing that experience of your father.

    In his book, Soul Keeping, John Ortberg tells about the death of Dallas Willard. A mutual friend taped his conversation with Dallas during those final hours–“What are you seeing? What is taking place?”– as Dallas began what he spoke of as “the great transition.”

    Gary said that Dallas’s final words, in the midst of what was surely significant suffering, were, “Thank You. Thank You.” Gary was the only person in the room at the time, but he said that Dallas was not talking to him.

    Earlier in the book, Dallas had remarked, “This conscious experience of life will go right on uninterrupted by death.” Jesus put it so strikingly, “The one who trusts in Me, keeps My word, will never taste death.” (Jn 8:52, para)

    I pray that in some small way, this is comforting to all parents who are suffering.

  • Sharon says:

    Dear Janet, Thank you so much for your comment, it makes me feel love. As a stepmother I have often felt invalidated by people, but for the last thirty years my stepson has been my only son, and he and his family have been a joy to me as well as to my husband. We have gone through the services and now we are home alone with it, the fact that we will never speak to him, never see him, never touch him again in this life. My husband’s son, my stepson, is gone. When I was 18, 42 years ago, I got in a car accident and died. I was resuscitated and lived with so much swelling in my brain that I don’t remember most of three years. The one thing that I do remember, the only thing, is that God reviewed my whole life, and that he did not reject me. Rather, he loved me with a love that was all encompassing, all forgiving and that he was always with me. He let me know that it was not up to me to judge the people who hurt me, up to and including something done to me that is unmentionable, and he told me that that would be between that person and God, not that person and me. I should try to love as much as I could. That God was love. Thank you for your loving heart.

  • Mandy says:

    These words are so hard for me to hear….i keep telling myself that I’m not mad at God….but I know that in someway I am. I lost my husband 10/11/15 and was a widow with 3 kids, one a little girl with special needs. In February of 2016, my little girl was admitted to a Children’s hospital and for 30 days I watched her suffer before she passed away. My hardest thought is I don’t understand why God took my child. The glib comment….you might never understand….I’m at the end of rope….feeling hurt, lost and angry.

  • Cheryl says:

    Mandy I’m so sorry for the pain you are going through. I unfortunately know the terrible pain of greif as my son passed away September 28th 2015. He was 20 years old and had special needs as he had been wheelchair bound since 8 due to Muscular Dystrophy. We were extremely close and it has been the most painfull experience ever to watch your child die and then live without them. It is a deep deep sorrow you can not explain to someone who has not experienced it. I will say though I don’t know that the pain gets less but you learn how to cope with it better as time goes on.
    I have to say without a personel relationship with Jesus I don’t think I could cope. I think your feelings of being mad at God are very normal and especially if you think He took your child. God’s desire for us can be seen in the Garden of Eden. No diseases or sickness and no death. These things are not from God but they entered into God’s creation when man sinned.

    God certainly receives our children with open arms into heaven but He doesn’t take our children. God tells us in His word 3 John 2 that He desires that we prosper in All things and that we be in in health even as our soul propers.

    God’s love for you and your loved ones is immeasurable you can count on that. So much so that He allowed His Son to suffer tremendously for our sins and we know as mothers we would never let one of our children suffer like that for any one!

    I know its hard with so much pain and so many questions—why, why, why. And we won’t get those answers this side of heaven but I pray that you come to know the fullness of God’s love toward you and you allow Him to comfort you as He is grieving with you. I remind myself everyday that though I miss my son tremendously he is in perfect peace and love. He is healed and whole. I don’t believe you can talk to the dead but one day I asked God to just let me hear my sons voice and I didn’t hear an audible voice but in my head it was like I could hear my son saying, “Everything is ok mom, there are no words to describe it here and wait till you meet Jesus face to face, its love you can’t even explain.”

    You should do what you need during the grieving process scream if you need to, throw things whatever. Anger is a part of the process. I’m angry that there is so much pain and suffering in the world. Just know that you can’t change God’s love toward you because the very people that ripped the flesh from Jesus back and spit on Him were the people He laid down His life for and yet He could have called 10,000 angels to His side at any time. He loves you, He loves you, He loves you.

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