Sibling Violence: My Struggle to Stop Hating My Abusive Brother

Written by Catherine Braun

faith_siblingviolenceI hated my brother. He teased and tormented me relentlessly. I was only ten. My hatred buried itself deep within me, like a worm eating holes in my child’s heart.

Maybe it began with typical sibling rivalry – a two-year-old boy dumping his new baby sister out of her bassinet, expressing displeasure over her nervy intrusion. I realize now that he had legitimate emotional concerns of his own. Nevertheless, his unacceptable actions toward me persisted for years. Unchecked, malice crept into his heart like a weasel into a hen house. I became the target of his aggression.

Screaming for justice

My memory categorizes the assaults by residence. The earliest serious injury occurred in my first home, high on a hill overlooking the ocean where the vista called for serenity. When I was four, for reasons I can’t remember, my brother picked up a piece of scrap iron and split open the back of my head. I screamed for justice from my parents. None came.

When I was eight we moved to the country into a rental property while our new home was being built. The Dutch doors, divided in half across the center, fascinated me. I spent endless hours incorporating those doors into fantasy play – a storefront, a cage at the zoo, sections of door opened and closed at my will. One day my parents left us unattended; my brother burst through those doors. Wielding a mop handle, he delivered a crushing blow, raising a bleeding, purplish egg on my forehead.

“Look what he did!” I bellowed later that afternoon. My mother failed to carry through with effective discipline. My father ignored the incident, as he did all the others. He was an abuser himself. For years, all of us watched him abuse my mother physically and emotionally.

Our new home was not finished, but we moved in anyway. There my brother finished off the back of my left hand with a nut pick, carving it up with raking stabs. “Don’t you tell anyone at school how this really happened,” my mother warned. By now, I was my own defence. I rebelled and, defying her, told the first person who asked. Nothing changed.

My shinbones collected permanent dents from kicks by hard-toed shoes. My developing breasts ached from closed-fisted blows accompanied by sexually disparaging insults. By now, I knew there was no point even mentioning it. Instead, I not only let the sun go down on my anger but I pulled the shades on my emotions. I locked and barricaded the doors.

By our mid-teens, my brother’s abuse waned and then stopped altogether. The story was no longer about my brother, but about me. My placid and good-natured inborn temperament was what most people saw. However, it covered my white-hot rage, converted to an iceberg, lurking below the surface waiting to rip apart some – any – passing ship. It was there in those icy waters that Jesus met me, not with condemnation, but with love.

A change of heart

I needed to revisit Scriptures I had read as a child, but this time I asked Jesus to help me understand them correctly.

Being a perfectionist, I had tried to follow the law. But Jesus did not expect me to be able to stop hating. He only wanted me to recognize my hatred as sin. I was heading down the wrong path, taking matters into my own hands. He wanted me instead to come to him with it. He is the only one who can make the kind of heart change I needed.

Over time, Jesus helped me see that I believed many things that were untrue. I believed I had to earn God’s favour by being good. I believed that no one cared about me and that no one was interested in protecting me. I believed my needs did not matter. I believed I was not worth loving or protecting.

My childish interpretation of God’s Word caused me unnecessary pain. I now understand that if Scripture does not sound like good news, I am probably not grasping it correctly. Were I to revisit my childhood experience with Jesus, our talk might go like this:

“I hate my brother!”
“Yes, I know. I’m glad you could tell Me so.”
“You mean it’s okay?”
“No, it’s not okay, but you’re okay with Me. Tell me your story, pour it all out. I’ll listen.”

And I’d sob away the hurt, the anger, the feelings of helplessness, knowing that He believed me and understood.

“What your brother has done is wrong. Your parents should have stopped him.”
“I’m sorry this happened to you. I love you.”
“Yet, you know that your hatred is also wrong. You need to admit it to Me and let it go. I’ve forgiven you. Now it’s your turn to forgive him, or your hatred will eat you up. Forgiveness will take time. When you’re willing, I’ll make it possible. Think about it and we’ll talk again soon.”

Encouraged and strengthened, I’d move back to the neighbourhood of my hatred to face what was true about me, to confess it and be forgiven, and let it go. This is what the love and forgiveness of Christ makes possible: to face ourselves at our ugliest, never for a moment losing the assurance of God’s love and forgiveness.

I confronted my brother many years later. To his credit, he acknowledged his wrongs and expressed genuine remorse over the pain his actions caused me. By then I had already uncovered and let go of most of my painful feelings. It was good to hear his confession, but he might have chosen to withhold it. I would have needed to forgive him anyway.

Today my brother doesn’t mistreat me in any way. We are friends and enjoy a playful relationship. Yet there are still times I need to stand up for myself with him. He is often intrusive, pushing beyond reasonable boundaries. I must verbalize my stand: No, you may not do that; no I will not allow that; back off; give me some space. It’s not good for him, for our relationship, or for me to allow behavior that generates fresh anger in me.

Take a look at your life.  How would you describe it? Contented? Rushed? Exciting? Stressful? Moving forward? Holding back? For many of us it’s all of the above at times.  There are things we dream of doing one day, there are things we wish we could forget.  In the Bible, it says that Jesus came to make all things new.  What would your life look like if you could start over with a clean slate?

Living with hope

If you are looking for peace, there is a way to balance your life. No one can be perfect, or have a perfect life. But every one of us has the opportunity to experience perfect grace through a personal relationship with God through His Son, Jesus Christ.

You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. Here’s a suggested prayer:

Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Savior and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of person you want me to be.

Does this prayer express the desire of your heart? You can pray it right now, and Jesus Christ will come into your life, just as He promised.

Is this the life for you?

If you invited Christ into your life, thank God often that He is in your life, that He will never leave you and that you have eternal life. As you learn more about your relationship with God, and how much He loves you, you’ll experience life to the fullest.

Henri Nouwen wrote, “Forgiveness is the name of love practiced among people who love poorly. The hard truth is that all of us love poorly. We need to forgive and be forgiven every day, every hour – unceasingly. That is the great work of love among the fellowship of the weak that is the human family.”

It’s easy to find fault in others. It’s even easier when they have committed a clear sin. It’s much harder to forgive and then to honestly assess – and correct – faults in ourselves. Fortunately, we have a Savior who helps us do just that.


115 Responses to “Sibling Violence: My Struggle to Stop Hating My Abusive Brother”

  • Jamie Jamie says:

    Hi Tammy, I am sorry that it appeared as if Aldo was spiritualizing your pain from the abuse of your family members. I know that he has found healing for the hurts in his life through a relationship with Jesus and I am sure he wanted to share that with you.

    I commend you for your strong stance that the one who has received the abuse from family is not the one to blame, and a family that tries to protect itself by not addressing the hurtful actions of the abusers, is only perpetuating the evil. I am glad that you have your sister as a support. Did she also face the cruelty of your brother and father? How do the two of you work towards healing together?

    I totally understand your reluctance to let anyone get close enough to you to hurt you; finding your husband to be an abuser as well must have been a terrible blow to your faith in humanity. However, it is not healthy to isolate yourself like that. It creates a pain of it own that will eat away at your joy and your true self. It will impact your children and build a distrust in them which will create negative patterns of relating to others as well. Humans are made for relationship and when we isolate ourselves the results are not good.

    The answer is not to isolate yourself, but to have an anchor in your life that is trustworthy that will help direct the choices in you make in relationships and provide safety, even when the others in your life let you down. People try all kinds of different anchors for their life, and I guess in some way you look to your sister and children to be that anchor for you, but it sounds like even that is less then what you need, even if it is better than anything else you have had. How have you found those relationships to be an anchor for you? How have they worked? How have they let you down? How have they held up under the pressure of being that anchor for you?

    I recognize this may be a far too public form for you to answer those kids of questions. If you would feel more comfortable, you could connect with one of our mentors in a one-to-one email conversation. Its free of any expectation (financial, spiritual, commitment, etc); our mentors are just regular people who care about others and want to walk alongside people who are hurting and be a friend. If that is something that you feel more comfortable with just fill out the Mentor Request Form at and one of our mentors will be in touch with you soon by email.

    If your comfortable with this setting, I would love to continue the conversation with you here.

  • Tammy says:

    I was hoping for actual advice. Not a conversion…

  • Aldo says:

    Tammy, I am sorry to hear of your being abused. It is certainly a terrible violation of one’s person.

    Tammy, the best advice which I can give you is to make Jesus Christ, God’s “only begotten son” your rock. He is the answer to all your problems, whether they be big or small, financial or habitual, domestic or physical. He wants to be your redeemer, your healer, and your deliverer. Turn your life over to Him, and trust Him to bring about what He knows is best for you.

    If you would like to speak one on one with a mentor, click on the Talk to a mentor button at the bottom left of this page. She will be glad to chat with you concerning the issue you have blogged about, or just to pray with you. Let’s pray:

    Heavenly Father, You are a good, forgiving, compassionate God, Who loves Tammy very much. Let her feel the love that You have for her, and draw her unto Yourself and to the Savior, Jesus Christ Your Son, Who suffered and died so that her sins could be forgiven,and she could have eternal life.

  • tammy says:

    it is utterly sickening that incestry pedophiles are within the family and always seem to get away with what they commit towards others. I can relate to sibling violence as I am still facing it now but the problem is my father defends him. the violence I am suffering isn’t sexual but emotional which is just as scarring. I say that you all are not at fault for what has happened to you. they are! the vile abusers are at fault for hurting you and gained the power over you to do what they desired unto your innocence and pure spirits. these vile scum should be disowned immediately and cut from family forever but the problem is it is the parents that side with the older child that commits the crime toward the younger child and it must stop. only way that can be done is if the parents stop siding with the criminal pedophilia child and stop blaming the victim. but that is still a long journey that never ends as the abusers are calculative cunning manipulative with a silver tongue even with a sickening sense of control to keep those in fear but what of the parents that seem to side with the abusers if they knew about the sibling violence? we may never know until someone speaks up and shares their story in hope to save future victims as this is going to be one fight to the very end is going to be forever draining on the victims but will raise higher when the abusers will fall. they’ll never win once they die as the control is cut off. but while still in life, their control will be there but the victims must stand together and fight back. it is hard, I know but must be done. only way the violence shall stop.

    too many families are intoxicated by the vile depravity of the abuser and who knows what kind of control the abuser has on those around that can stop this from continuing but since the line that is always used. ‘if you tell, you destroy the family.’ but hey! what family?! never was no bond or tie when the violence begins, once the monster has surfaced and once others that side with the abuser protects them over the victim.

    it is utterly disgusting and feral that they use this threats against victims to take their power from them at a tender age. that is called brainwashing, and mental abuse to the limit of insanity. I am sorry, but I had to say this as sexual violence in families especially siblings makes me so angry. as ive come to a question that no one can answer not ever the professional therapists.

    Why call this a family if the family is broken the very moment is intoxicated by vile depravity of one or more using sexual gain control onto others to feel superior? and why those finally hear or witness allow it to continue? I am sorry, but ive heard the excuses, heard the lies and enough is enough.

    ive even heard from some that were abused themselves only to become abusers themselves and cry the line ‘I was abused myself, please forgive. cant help it.’

    that is aload of crap. if abused why in the name of that good, become the abuser? I am sorry, but that is pathetic lame excuse from those who abuse others to gain sympathy only to be allowed to walk free or never face judgement for their crimes and too much of it has gone for too long on this subject. and it must STOP!!!

    I have said this one person as she begun abusing me due to her own childhood abuse and I tried my hardest to help but she was beyond help. and had nothing but trouble ever since when I left as I couldn’t take it no more.

    what has happened to you in your childhood past, is not my fault. so don’t use that against me to abuse me. want to throw back the abuse you endure, face the demons of those whom abused you. don’t use that unto me as it was not my fault why it happened as I was still a child myself at the time it happened to you and I didn’t know you back then or knew what was happening until you’ve told me in your early adult life. and because you have mistreated me now, I am leaving you as you should seek help and stop abusing those that want to help as you are only gaining haters not enemies, haters that will turn their backs on you when you finally realise it and want to apologise.

    after saying this had hit hard but only has made her become psychotic.
    I know this is about mostly about sibling violence but I not only suffered from my brothers belittling and emotional abuse, but my fathers too. plus that kind of energy has left a imprint for outsiders to forever want to belittle and abuse me as well. I have two children myself, and divorced as I endure partner violence as well and only just escaped that but still, I have this deepening paranoia that someone is lining up to wanting to have a piece of me and because of that I cant have no relationship with anyone. my children and younger sister with my nephew is all I have to keep me going and theyre my rock.

  • Jamie Jamie says:

    Hi Nicky, one of the great tragedies of sexual abuse is how often those who have been taken advantage of are the ones who feel the shame. I don’t know all of the circumstances of your brother’s treatment of you but I do know that a 9 year old is not in a position to have the maturity to respond to sexual molestation. You are not to blame for that because you were not able to know what was happening to you and what it all means. That is why there are laws that put boundaries on sex and minors and why morally coherent individuals know that it is wrong to put a child in such a position.

    How much older is your brother? Did you ever have the chance to talk to anyone about what your brother did? Either the sexual or physical abuse?

    There is a lady who has contributed a number of articles here dealing with healing from your sexual past (one article that has links to others is She too experienced sexual abuse that impacted her deeply. She has also written some books dealing with her experiences and how she has been able to help others find hope and transformation from the shame that defined their life for so long. Her website is I am certain you will find in her a kindred spirit.

    Let me know what you think of Barbara’s articles.

  • Nicky says:

    Up until this day I am ashamed of myself, I am ashamed I didnt stop my brother from taking my innocence when I was just 9 years old . Tears roll down my eyes as a type this . And I have no one to blame but myself because I let it happen for years .?At one point I thought it was normal and that’s only because I convinced myself it was . Because of the physical and sexual abuse I received from my brother I don’t even feel safe to be around men . Not growing up with a father figure made everything even worse . Here I am 18 years old feeling to end my life sometimes . I have a BF and I refuse to sleep with him because of what happened to me . Constantly I call myself a slut because I was only nine years old when my first intimacy occurred , maybe I’m making a big deal about it but I’m never going to appreciate myself or body . My body has been disrespected since I was nine , I will never know how it feels to really lose it someone I love. I’m afraid to have kids because I fear I’ll have to watch my kids go through the exact same thing, not only did he sexually abuse me but he destroyed me physically and mentally beating me with pans , letting me touch and lick him in places I shouldn’t have . I lost all faith in God because he watched me struggle , he never once stopped my brother when he was hurting me. Every single day I was hurt by him and I prayed and prayed even while my innocence was being stolen and he didn’t stop , I sit here in tears because I never got to enjoy my teenage life and no one seem to care not my mom not my brother , my life is worthless and I don’t know why I am not 6 feet under yet

  • Elkay says:

    Carol, what has happened to you is terribly unfair, hard to hear of and wrong from every viewpoint and I wish I could make it go away. I can’t but God can and with His help, so can you.

    You are an invaluable soul and loved deeply by God our Father, Jesus our Lord and Savior, and by the Holy Spirit who leads and strengthens us. I want to pray for you from Ephesians, that “God would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in your inner self, that Christ may dwell in your heart through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may comprehend the width and length and depth and height of the love of Christ which passes knowledge so that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.”

    What these words means is that it is God’s opinion alone that matters. And He finds you loveable, worthy, precious and best of all, He wants you. He wants to know you, love you, be with you, and share His life with you. Sometimes that’s hard to believe if people in our life have used us for their own selfish motives. But you can trust God. He will never hurt you, abuse you or betray you.

    The good news is that God can and will heal you from past pain and memories, but such healing isn’t easy, and it doesn’t usually happen overnight. In fact it can be painful, and take longer than expected. But this I can promise: it’s worth the journey to overcome your anger and emotional struggles.

    Since this is so personal, perhaps you would like to talk to a mentor. Click on the “Talk to as Mentor” button above on right side of the lead article and you’ll get a personal, private response from your mentor, usually within a couple of days.

    “Heavenly Father, I pray that Carol can see how being made in Your image makes her a very valuable person to You, so much so that Christ died so that she could be a daughter to You, Please send Your Spirit into her life and draw her to You in a way that glorifies and honors You. Give her Your healing peace and a heart untroubled from the past and make her into a great testimony for You. In Jesus’ name, we bring this prayer to Your gracious throne. Amen.”

  • Carol says:

    My brother was cruel and abusive mentally and sexually growing up. He would tease me relentlessly and I would try to ignore him. Finally, I would strike out and he would hit me back harder, and laugh. Later, he was cruel sexually. I was ashamed and told myself to not think about it. My parents would do nothing when I told them how he treated me. I hate him to this day. Everyone thinks he’s this great guy and a coach. But I know his depravity. I struggle as an adult with intimacy and sex. No one in my family knows what happened because I am too ashamed. They know he teased me but laugh about it. I have frequent outbursts of anger and emotion, but cannot tell anyone why.

  • Jamie Jamie says:

    Hi Tereza, I agree with you that this must stop and talking to someone about it is a good idea. I would normally recommend that the place to start is talking to your parents but it sounds like your mother has also been abusive towards you. Is there another responsible adult in your life that you trust and could talk to? A teacher, a pastor, an aunt, or a neighbor? But you need support to face the hurtful actions and words of your brother and mother.

    Are there others in your family who get similar treatment? Have you talked to any of your friends about what has been going on?

  • Tereza says:

    Hey my name is Tereza and I’m 14 i just wanted to speak to someone about my issue because I really don’t know what to do as my mum has 7 kids I have an older brother witch he’s 21 he’s hasn’t been a good brother since I was 12 he has even hitting me for no reasons and since it happens very often now a days I felt like telling someone and asking for help today as I walked past him he has smacked me in my face with full power he did not tell me why and sis not saying anything back hut try and walk away but it wasn’t that easy as he pushed me back and slaps me again I did. Not say anything but just started crying as my mum came in she hasn’t said anything to him as he’s the oldest and her favourite I have been bitten by my mum too because of my brother she’s has punched me kick me pulled my hair called me names and then said she hates me this has been going on for long now but as I’m getting older I’m realising it has to stop now so that why I wanted to ask for some advice for what should I do

  • Alfred says:

    Sorry, that entree of mine is for Jordan (not Michael).

  • Alfred says:

    Hi Michael,
    Isn’t it something, that each of us has our own free will, and your sister is free to do as she sees fit! Sad, however, that the one who is mistreating others will one day find that it is the other way around! What goes around comes around; for she will likely suffer the consequences of her behavior.
    We can pray that God will help her to wake up to the fact that she is spoiling life for herself as well as for others!
    My suggestion is for you to treat her as your friend! It may not be easy for you to do that, but in being an example of “good behavior” you are helping her to see and feel what it is like to live as Jesus would have us live. If you can treat her with love and courtesy she may be surprized, to say the least! I’m not saying that you do all she asks you to do, but to be kind and gentle to her. She will wonder why she is suddenly your favourite sister, but with God’s help that can be possible!
    That brings me to the point of asking whether you know God personally. Do you talk to Him in prayer daily? Are you reading the Bible on a daily basis? Doing so will allow God to give you inspiration love and wisdom to deal with your sister!!! It will also make your life worth living —- whether your sister is good to you or not!
    You may klick on contacting a mentor for a one-on-one coaching of finding Jesus as your savior, if that is what you desire. Praying for you, Alfred.

  • Jordan says:

    Its the complete opposite for me I just turned 18 last month so I’m waiting for my apartment to be finished and be done with her BS, but anyways about my sister she’s 15 and she goes by that rebelious teen nonsense and I think what triggered our ruvalry growing up was TV shows of brother and sisters not ever getting along, and before we started to learn how to use the tv she was an angel no word of a lie if I got a cut or anything she would look it over and run to go get a bandaid or a paper towel or something, and now she’s like satans little girl, she walks all over town smokin dope, doing meth, drinking, [expletive removed] around causing drama every where she goes and she acts like- no she is a complete diva, like we should worship her and bid her every word and spit shine her shoes or some crap like that, not to mention all the drama at school that she uses to skip out and purposely get suspended, and then she comes home and treats every one like dirt and I right from the start didn’t take any of it but after a while my little sister who is now 12 has started to stand up to her and a year ago my brother moved back in (he’s 16) and he didn’t put up with her crap either, and since I’m moving out my sister tried to go behind my back and get the soon to be vacant room and I said Oohhh no you don’t (Blank) is getting that room and she was pissed and she tends to act like nothing happened after something doesnt go her way so now she she acts like her room is better even though it smells like piss and perfume.. Whar a deadly combination.. And her first rain n shine worker quit because she couldn’t bare her any longer and so a few months later a new rain n shine worker who was just hired is now my demon sisters new worker and shes “supposed to” help her with her behaviour but that isn’t the case at all they go out to restraunts and pools and crap, like just earlier ahe came home after a weekend of being out with friends and the first thing she asks is When is ( me ) moving out? And omfg and she uses sexism against me ( which pisses me off even more the fact that she abuses that power… Ironic huh?) and calls me abusive even though she does it on purpose she gives me that look like haha you can’t touch me, and she smiled and asked her worker to take her out to mcdonalds and omfg is there anything I can do about this? I mean I guess I could get a restraining order on her but what evidence do I have other than harrassment?

  • Elkay says:

    Michael, the pain you have been through is so heavy to hear about and I am truly sorry it happened to you. But I am truly glad for you that you have escaped that physical environment and I would ask you to try to think about today and tomorrow a little differently, hard as that might be to do.

    You say you hate yourself, your looks and people like you . . . but Michael, you are made in the image of God, for He said, “Let us make man in Our image” at Genesis 1:26 and then said it was very good! This staggers our imagination!!

    But it is true and is why Jesus taught that every person is of more value than the world. “What will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses his soul? (Matt. 16:26). If Jesus had said, “What shall it profit a man if he owned a great home and lost his soul?”, we could estimate the value of a fancy home at maybe $3.5 million dollars and say that according to Jesus Christ, your soul worth more than that. But what Jesus really said is that your soul, the total you, is worth more than the whole world.

    As if that is not enough, human destiny is higher than that of the angels. The angelic hosts are ministering servants, but redeemed men and women are destined for eternal sonship, worshiping and serving in the very presence of God! Your future destiny will be a beautiful thing that is far beyond our imagination.

    Michael, you are of incalculable value to God Himself and as the article above says, “No one can be perfect, or have a perfect life. But every one of us has the opportunity to experience perfect grace through a personal relationship with God through His Son, Jesus Christ.

    You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. Here’s a suggested prayer:

    Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Savior and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of person you want me to be.

    Michael, if this prayer express the desire of your heart, you can pray it right now, and Jesus Christ will come into your life, just as He promised, and He also promised you His peace and a way for your heart to not be troubled. “Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” (John 16:33) Do ask Him to “come in and take control.”

    “Heavenly Father, I pray that Michael can see how being made in Your image makes him a very valuable person to You, so much so that Christ died so that he could be a son to You, Please send Your Spirit into his life and draw him to You in a way that glorifies and honors You. Give him Your peace and an untroubled heart and make him into a great testimony for You. In Jesus’ name, we bring this prayer to Your gracious throne. Amen.”

  • Michael says:

    I can somewhat relate, definitely I can relate to the anger lingering inside. I hate my brother also, he’s now a great narcissist, even bigger than my dad. I maybe talk to him once a year shallowly. I grew up in a bit of a [expletive removed] family. There was the domestic abuse and in return my brother always hated me. He’s older than me and people who get abused, abuse other in return. He’s the older brother. My uncle and his children I haven’t talk to in maybe 15 years because he doesn’t like us. After my grandmother died they found out he stole tens of thousands of euro of her and broke all contact. My dad’s family are stone cold people with alcohol problems, they don’t really like us because of my mum’s jewish roots. The only one normal there was my cousin who joined the hells angels looking for a better family. He got gunned down some years ago. My family is pretty [expletive removed]. My youth at school was pretty [expletive removed] as well. I had zero friends and got bullied all over.

    When I was like 25 I found a way out, I basically fled the country. I started traveling and now live for about six years around 20 hours of flying of the place I grew up. I can never go back. When I left the country I basically started a new life and said the old one good bye. However the one thing that always remains is how much I hate myself. And I think the reason I hate my brother is because we look so much alike, I don’t think it’s anymore of all the things that happened. It’s more or less the same with my dad as well, whenever I realise I’m part him it scares me. The more I can relate things to my existence the more I hate it. Last time I was at a diving trip and there was a guy that had the same name as me which already made me disliking that guy. There are countless of people taking selfies, I could never do that. I hate the way I look.

    I don’t know, just wanted to put this down.

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