You have been assaulted. I know that she is your sister, and that means that you need to be careful in the way you handle the situation, but it doesn’t change the fact that you have been assaulted and you did not deserve that. No one ever deserves to be hit. On top of that all you did was ask a question. (Not that hitting would be okay if you had done something awful.) I am little shocked that it took so little to set your sister off. I think you’re going to need to take some kind of action, but before you do that you’re going to need some support.

It sounds like you tried to reach out to your Mom and that did not go well so it’s time to look for support somewhere else. Is there a trusted friend you could talk to? Do you have a pastor or priest you could confide in? Have you ever considered going to Al Anon meeting? Those meetings are for people who are affected by someone else’s drinking. And that’s you. I do not know if your sister is an alcoholic or not, but I do know from what you’ve told me here that her drinking is having a severe and negative impact on your life. Al Anon meetings happen across the country. You can find a meeting near you here. The meetings can really, really help.

Once you’ve got someone that you can talk to about what is and has happened, and you’re in a safe place (Do you live with your sister? Does she have a key to your place?) you need to consider reporting the assault to the police. I know that that would be incredibly scary – that’s why I think it’s so important that you have some support first – but seriously think about it. I can imagine that you think you can handle it, you’ve been handling it all your life, but what if she gets drunk and hits someone else? What if her kids are in danger one day? It might not feel like helping her to call the cops, but if she is getting drunk and hitting you, then she has a problem and she needs help.

In addition, YOU need help. Have you seen a doctor since the attack? Did anything break? Are you swollen? Is someone taking care of you? In addition to the physical damage, there is emotional hurt that needs to be dealt with as well – particularly in a case like yours where a) it was a family member that hurt you, b) it has happened before and c) when you reached out to your Mom you got rejection instead of help. I would strongly urge you to see a counsellor. You have been physically attacked, and in addition it sound like you are being emotionally abused as well. A counsellor can be a key step in beginning to heal. You can a

You’re also going to need to seriously consider limiting your time with your sister, particularly one on one time. Yes, she is your sister, but she hit you, repeatedly. Trust is broken and you don’t have to pretend it never happened just so that you don’t rock the boat. You need to start protecting yourself even if it is uncomfortable for the rest of the family. You do not deserve to be hit and it is NOT too late to start saying that. I can only imagine the way you must view yourself after so many years of bearing the brunt of her anger. This is not an overnight fix, but it will help enormously if you are able to protect yourself from getting hit again.

Finally, try to be aware of your sister’s attempts to manipulate you with her words. She told you that none of this would have happened if you had not mentioned the phones being cut off. That’s false. None of this would have happened if a) She had paid the bill the way she said she would or b) she had not hit you or c) she learned to control her anger like a grown-up. Nothing that you did made it so that her only option was to hit you. That was her choice. This is on her, not you. You said that you feel guilty when you look at your face – do you feel guilty because you didn’t stand up for yourself and call the cops or do you feel guilty because you feel that the fight was your fault? This was not your fault. More than anything you need to know that. This was not your fault. You did not “deserve” to be hit and no one has the right to hit you in the future.

This comment got really long, but there was much that needed to be said. You have options. Find some support and then together with that safe person you’ll need to decide what you want to do next. It is NOT ok that she hit you. It really, really isn’t. If you don’t do anything there’s a very high chance that it will happen again. You spoke up here which was really brave and it was a wonderful first step. Take a deep breath, find your safe person and speak up again. You can do this.

Have you thought about how you would talk to your parents about the way that your brother has hurt you? How do you think they would respond?

I was so sorry to read your story – what horrible journey you’ve walked. I do not know why your sisters would tell you that you don’t deserve children, but whatever their reasons are THEY ARE WRONG. You deserve all the good things life has to offer including happiness and children. If you ask me you deserve them MORE because you have already suffered so much. It sounds like they are still being quite abusive toward you and forcing you to do what they ask. Are you able to put some distance between you and them? It sounds like a very unhealthy place for you to be. If you are able to get away I think you’d find that the space from them would give you some room to heal (in addition to not being told what to do). You are a grown woman, no one should be telling you what to do. You have to obey the law, you have to pay your taxes. You have to show up to work if you want to get paid, but beyond that the choices should be yours.

I heard a speaker once talking about God’s forgiveness and how his forgiveness has two parts. The Bible has these big long words for it – propitiation and expiation – and basically what it means is that when we’re forgiven by God, he washes away both the bad things we’ve done and the bad things that have been done TO us. Expiation means that even though our hearts are still broken, they are no longer dirty. No matter what we have been subjected to, God will clean it up if we ask him to. It means that no matter what we can come to God and he will make us clean and whole, loved and lovely. This part of forgiveness is like reconstructive surgery for the soul. It takes the scars away. I don’t know if you know God, but if want to get to know him you can read more about how to do that here.

Have you been able to go to a counsellor? You’ve been through a lot, you must be an incredibly strong person to have survived it. But working through it, trying to put yourself back together is going to take a lot of work and having the support of someone who is on your side can be an enormous help. If you’d like to talk to someone privately, we have mentors available all the time. You can use this form to request a mentor and you’ll hear back from them by email, usually within a couple of days.

You asked where to go – go to God, go to a counsellor and go somewhere where your sisters can’t hurt you any more. It takes a lot of bravery to tell your story out loud, and you’ve done that. When you’re ready to take the next step I know you’ll be able to do that too. Just remember that you don’t have to do that alone.