More Than I Could Handle

On February 13, 2007 my life took a drastic change.

I was estranged from my husband.  I lived in my parents’ home to help my mother take care of my elderly grandparents.   They were 79 and 80 years old with one suffering with late stage Alzheimer’s. We also ran our photography/video business out of our own home.

On that February day in the early morning hours my husband, Gordon Randall Gwathney — we call him Randy — broke into my family home totally out of control. I had never seen him this way and I had known him since I was 4. He began beating and choking me till I was convinced he was going to kill me. I yelled for my mother.

Mom got up and came to where we were and told Randy that if he didn’t leave she would call the police. He told her to go ahead and call them. He followed Mom and I followed him. All the time he was cussing and acting out of control. Before we even got to the phone he attacked me again. Mom tried to stop him and then he started beating her. I jumped him and got him off her long enough for her to get away. He turned and hit me so hard that it knocked me down. He went after Mom and I got up and followed him to where Mom was. I noticed him taking something out of his pocket and in an instant he shot and killed her.

I then ran to my grandparent’s room hoping to protect them somehow. I heard Randy chasing me down the hall. As soon as I got to their door and shut it behind me he started beating on it. All I could think about was getting help for my mama. Finally the beating on the door stopped and I opened it just a crack. I told Grandpa that Randy shot mama and that I had to go next door and get my brother, Travis, for help and call 911. I told him to keep the door locked. I went out the window and promised him I would be right back.

The unbelievable happens

Once over at my brothers, Travis got his gun and I called 911. They told me to go outside to see if Randy’s truck was still there. Travis went out back and I went out front. Travis was now at the fence line that separated our yards. As I looked to my left I saw something. It was Randy. At that moment a gun battle ensued between my brother and Randy. Travis yelled for me to get back in the house.

In the end my brother had been shot seven times and my mother and grandparents all were shot dead as well. Randy fled and was caught 24 hours later.

Since then I have lost my business and my home and at times have lived in my truck. My life has been destroyed. I’m financially ruined because of all this and my family has no idea how to get over this. This was the first triple homicide that ever happened in our small town. (Read the news reports of this tragic event also here and here.)

More than I could handle

In a year I had buried everyone that lived in my house. My mom was my best friend. She was murdered the day before her birthday, which was on Valentine’s day. She would have been 52. I had always been very close to my family and losing them in such a manner was more than I could take.

God’s peace and the power of forgiveness

Yet in the midst of all this incredible loss I kept praying and begging God to give me the peace and forgiveness that I desperately needed. I wanted God to somehow bring good out of this terrible situation. Now, 19 months later, God has given me the peace and forgiveness I needed. I now share my testimony with churches and women’s groups. It hasn’t been easy, but God never left my side.

I have truly forgiven Randy. It was God’s grace that has given me the peace and forgiveness that I needed. My goal is to help others who have been through a tragedy like this. I can let them know that even though life will never be the same it is still possible to find joy in the middle of the storm. I’m also trying to help Randy get through this. God helping me to see people the way that He sees them — not for what they have done, but for who they are. I realized Randy was a lost and broken soul that needed prayer and forgiveness too.

I knew that I had to give my life to Christ. In turn He would take care of all my needs. I praise His sweet and precious name. He gave his only Son to die in my place for all my sins, to mark my debt as paid in full, canceled.

God alone can take the broken pieces of our lives and bring us peace. He alone can bring good out of the devastation.  What He has done for me He can do for you too if you just believe in Him and give your life to Him.

Has life brought you some devastating event that is more than you can handle? As amazing as it seems God does care and longs to bring that much needed peace to your heart.

Take a look at your life. How would you describe it? There are things we dream of doing one day, there are things we wish we could forget. In the Bible, it says that Jesus came to make all things new. What would your life look like if you could start over with a clean slate?

Living with hope

If you are looking for peace, there is a way to balance your life. No one can be perfect, or have a perfect life. But every one of us has the opportunity to experience perfect grace through a personal relationship with God through His Son, Jesus Christ.

You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. Here’s a suggested prayer:

Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Savior and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of person you want me to be.

Does this prayer express the desire of your heart? You can pray it right now, and Jesus Christ will come into your life, just as He promised.

Is this the life for you?

If you invited Christ into your life, thank God often that He is in your life, that He will never leave you and that you have eternal life. As you learn more about your relationship with God, and how much He loves you, you’ll experience life to the fullest.

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