Unmasking Our True Selves

Written by Barbara Erochina

hidingfacesMary took a deep breath, put on her best grin-and-bear-it smile and knocked on the door of her friend’s home. Somehow, she had gotten herself into a schedule where she always had something going on but none of it seemed to be her first choice. Mary was known for her so-called confidence and full social life, but she was suddenly realizing just how insecure and alone she still felt.

It was as if someone else had chosen everything in her life for her. Her days and activities were reduced to what everyone else wanted. Her own hopes and uniqueness faded into the background as she became the person others expected. As Mary waited at the door she dreaded the loneliness she knew she would feel amidst these friends.

Do you ever find yourself feeling like Mary? Do you catch yourself wondering how people would react if you were to expose your true self? For many people, a significant disconnect exists between their outward identity and their true selves. People desire the freedom to be themselves but more often than not, the fear of rejection or disapproval drives them to compromise their individuality.

Does anyone know the real you?

Many of us spend our lives wearing different masks or façades. We wear some of these masks to cover up parts of ourselves we don’t like and keep others around to change how people see us. The more of these masks we wear, the deeper we hide our true selves.

Wearing these masks constantly causes us to feel alone. A popular quote says “You are only ever loved to the extent that you are known”. We cannot feel loved for who we really are as long as we are not known as we really are. At the same time, we fear that if we expose our true selves we will be rejected. This frustrating cycle keeps our real selves masked and our relationships shallow and unfulfilling.

In today’s culture of “keeping up with the Jones’ ” it is no surprise that most of us find ourselves stuck in a never ending rat race of living up to what we think other people expect. Meanwhile, our true selves get left behind in the dust.

Additionally, as humans we have a natural desire to change and progress but because of our need to please others, too often the motivation for change is the external effects it might have rather than its innate worth. This type of change never lasts and we end up back at square one, feeling unknown and unloved, not to mention unchanged.

Though there are many masks a person can choose to wear, there are two that are very common.

  • Masks to cover pain
    These are the smiling masks we wear when everything in our lives is crashing down around us. Taking this mask off would mean admitting that we’re not okay. We’d have to face the possibility that there might not be anybody to help us. This kind of self-awareness calls for deep change. Because of the fear of failure, this is a challenge most people are not comfortable with. It takes a deep strength to remove this mask, but it can be done.
  • Masks to cover shame
    These are masks that scream self-confidence or pride in material possessions, even when the person wearing them feels worthless. We use these masks to point others to parts of ourselves that we like, or to help them notice the things which we hope give us worth. Masks like these serve as a distraction to keep outsiders from looking to where our flaws and shame lie. They pull people’s attention away from our true selves, from our humanity.

Some grains of truth

We wear these masks with good reason. We have all felt our fair share of pain and rejection. Yet, we still want to be known for our true selves. How do we resolve this dichotomy? Is it possible for us to become okay with letting our masks down while being fully aware of the risk factor involved?

The possibility of freedom to be ourselves is always going to get beat out by the likelihood of rejection, unless we can know we are perfectly safe from that pain. Other people however, cannot make this guarantee. Just like us, they are human and flawed. They might not be able to be there when we need them and often fail us even when they try their hardest not to.

The only safe place

God is the only one who accepts us truly as we are, without requiring anything else of us than just to be in relationship with him. We know we aren’t perfect. And often this feels like a big enough reason to cover ourselves up with so many masks. However, Jesus, God’s son came and lived a perfect life on this earth so that we could share in it. Christ both lived and sacrificed his perfect life on our behalf. All that is left up to us is to welcome Christ into our lives and accept his gift.

Knowing we are welcome into God’s arms just as we are frees us from unrealistic standards and empowers us to begin to take off our masks and live lives of authenticity.

You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. Here’s a suggested prayer:

Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Savior and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of person you want me to be.

Does this prayer express the desire of your heart? You can pray it right now, and Jesus Christ will come into your life, just as He promised.


3 Responses to “Unmasking Our True Selves”

  • Cat says:

    I don’t think of them as masks; I think of them as facets. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with letting some people see more of my businesslike side, and some people see more of my emotional side, and some people see more of my downright bizarre side. There’s no point outright hiding any of it, because I can’t ever NOT be me, but it just makes sense that no one needs to see all of me at once.

    But frankly, if all God requires of me is that I be in a relationship with him, he DOESN’T accept me for who I truly am. I had to leave Christianity before I felt safe and comfortable just being myself.

  • Agnes says:

    Thank you for this article, I feel as though you were writing to me. I am a Christian and belong to a great Christian family but deep inside I know that I am wearing a facade, even as I attend all the meetings bible studies, seminars, workshops etc. I am still not known by this family. I wish I would let them know of my loneliness, my struggle with sinful habits, that I am smiling on the outside but inside I am falling into pieces. What is one to do in a culture where we must be ‘doing fine’?. I feel like I am losing the battle sometimes but I am calling on the Lord. And thank you again. You seem to know where I am at….

  • arthur says:

    re: unmasking our true self.

    Great stuff. No theological and ‘mysterious’ ‘double-talk, no ‘moralizing’, no religious ‘do this on Friday, avoid this on Sunday’ here. No ’5yrs in seminary’, or ‘ninety-five prayer-group’ meetings’ needed here.


    Just straight-in and right-to-the-point of what REAL Salvation is all about. (crucifixion/death/dropping of false-self, rebirth of original true-self).

    A simple and sincere request to Jesus, prayed from the heart and the process of re-surrection begins.

    WELL DONE ! well done, for keeping it all so simple and so logical that (even) a ‘little-child’ can understand it.

    Thanks, I’ll show this to some of my agnostic friends.

    best wishes, Arthur.

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