Heart Problems: A Dad Shaped Hole

Written by H. Norman Wright

family_dadshapedholeNot every girl gets to be Daddy’s little girl. Many are missing the father-daughter relationship that is so essential for any child to have. The following excerpt is from H. Norman Wright’s A Dad-Shaped Hole in My Heart. Dads, see for yourself and learn how to help heal that ‘dad-shaped hole’ in your daughter’s heart. Daughters or even sons, consider what Wright has to say about that hole in your heart.

I’d like to begin this first chapter with June’s story. In many ways her story mirrors the cry of countless daughters just like you, who struggle with the effects of a dad who wasn’t there for them. Year after year they cry: Daddy, where are you? Who are you?

My son was born five years ago. He’s a healthy, energetic child. At least he appeared to be healthy at birth. But a few days later we discovered he had a defect. It wasn’t visible. No one could see it. But it was there, and it was serious. He had a hole in his heart. He was born that way. Within a week after we discovered it, the doctors opened his chest and repaired that hole in his little heart. He was able to go on with his life in a normal manner. He’s not even aware that he had a hole in his heart.

I wish I could say the same. My son and I are alike. We’ve both had holes in our heart. He was born that way and it was repaired. I wasn’t born with one, but over my childhood years the hole was created and it grew larger as I grew. It hasn’t been repaired, even though I’ve tried. It’s a different shape than my son’s. The hole in my heart is in the shape of my father. Physical surgery won’t repair the hole. It will take something like emotional surgery or healing for it to slowly close. I’m not sure how to go about the process. I’m confused. Is it dependent upon my father reaching into my life and somehow undoing what he did or doing what he failed to do years ago? I just want a whole heart. It’s too bad there are no heart transplants for this kind of disorder.

There are many daughters walking around with a hole in their heart in the shape of their father. They are missing something from their father that should have been given. Or he responded to them in ways that were way beyond what any daughter should have to endure. Or he simply vanished one day from their lives and hasn’t reappeared. Any of these experiences can create a hole that seemingly cannot be filled by anything else. If you think you are alone, that your pain is unique to you and your family, I hope that this book will show you that this is not true. Listen in as other adult daughters share how their dads influenced them–sometimes positively and sometimes negatively–far beyond their childhood years.

  • My relationship with my father was incomplete, guarded, confusing, and sad. He was an intelligent, funny, deep, and personally likable man when sober, and an explosive, unpredictable, abusive, angry, pathetic, destructive shell of a man when drinking, which increased as time went on.
  • My father and I have always had a good relationship. He has always held high standards, but they were never unreasonable. I hold those same standards today–expectations that people should always try their best, be polite, behave themselves, and make something of themselves, but also not to allow ambition to get in the way of happiness. I can talk to my father about anything and feel very comfortable asking his advice on things relating to finances, politics, and life in general. We have grown closer as I have gotten older because we share the same love of history and good conversation about important things, plus we both have grown spiritually over the past five to ten years. I have never felt anything but good about our relationship in general, though of course there were times when we may not have seen eye to eye, as there are in any father/daughter relationship.
  • My father was not available for me emotionally. I do not recall ever discussing struggles or problems with him or seeking his counsel. I recall asking his advice about a boyfriend once when I was in college. I had consciously decided to offer him the opportunity to give me advice because I had been thinking that maybe he hadn’t given any counsel because I had never asked. I remember his responding that he really couldn’t answer the question, and that I would need to decide, because it was my life. (It was apparent that he was not comfortable with giving me advice.) He was not available to help with homework or provide advice on anything like choosing classes, extra-curricular activity options, career possibilities, my interests or life goals, moral decisions, college options, car repairs, home purchases. Although I performed well in school (A & B honor rolls) and was/am extremely responsible, I do not recall my dad offering praise or acknowledgment other than on very rare occasions, and only as a result of my mom’s prompting. (On a positive note, I know that as an adult, he is proud of me and I do know that he loves me. I observe that he asks questions about things in my life and is trying to get to know me. I am touched by these things.)
  • My biological father was in my life from birth till I was approximately six and a half years old. I came five years after the loss of a two-year-old daughter. My dad spoiled me, carried me in his arms or on his shoulders. He was kind, loving, indulgent, and oh so strong. At six-and-a-half my dad had a breakdown, and I didn’t see him again until I was fourteen. By then I didn’t know him and was afraid.
  • The gap between my father and me is actually growing as we get older. I’m beginning to see how disrespectful and hurtful he can be and has been in the past toward my mom. I’m having a hard time reconciling the daddy I loved as a child and the man that I recognize him to be today. I’m embarrassed by some of the things he does, but I still want to defend him to the grave. It’s painful.
  • My father wasn’t there for me. Until I was thirteen, he was gone from early in the morning, after breakfast, till dinner time … to work mostly. When he was home, he retreated into a book or turned on the radio. We kids were to be seen and not heard. He played music or the news during meals. Then the summer I turned thirteen he left us, at our mom’s request. She said later that she couldn’t take his criticism and silence. I was relieved. My brother was angry. He said that ended his hope of having a dad like everyone else. I was glad that I didn’t have to pretend to sleep in on the weekends to avoid his anger. When I was engaged and brought my intended to meet him, Dad refused to shake hands with him. He stood there with his arms folded over his chest and told my fiancé that some people worked, and those who couldn’t work were teachers. My fiancé was a teacher.
  • Because my father was an alcoholic, it was almost like having two fathers. When he was sober he was loving and fun. When he was drunk I became the adult, since he became the one who needed to be taken care of.
  • It was a wonderful, close relationship. His love and respect for my mother was the greatest gift a man can give his family. Although I grew up during the Depression, I never doubted that he would take care of me. He was well respected in our community, and I felt it a privilege to be his daughter.

Father–a powerful word. A positive word for some and painful for others. What is a father? Who is he supposed to be, and what is he supposed to do? Sometimes in my counseling practice I have heard women describe what they wish their fathers would be or had been, and my only response has been, “He doesn’t exist anywhere.” He sounded like Superfather, who could bound from one building to another. Some create fathers in the image of what they want him to be rather than what he could ever be. Often we do this with God, our heavenly Father, too.

As I work with those in grief and trauma, I’m often given a window to look through into a person’s theology. What we believe about God really comes to the forefront when we are hurting. And so often what I hear is what people wish God would be rather than who He is according to the Scriptures. But we cannot create God in the image we want Him to be in order to satisfy our needs. He is who He is, whether that meets our approval or not.

In the same way, some women will never have the father they want, not because of a deficiency in their dad but because what they desire is unrealistic and unattainable. For others, what they want is reasonable, and it would be healthier for their dad if he were that way. But some fathers are so emotionally and/or developmentally challenged it would take years of work–maybe even therapy–for his healing to occur. Only then could his daughter hope to see the preferred change in their father-daughter relationship.

The book The Wonder of Girls–Understanding the Hidden Nature of Our Daughters by Michael Gurian is one of the best books I’ve seen on this topic. In a very succinct way the author describes the impact of a father upon his daughter. He said,

A father who is honest with his daughter about his own flaws becomes her confidant. A father who remains stoic becomes her enigma to solve. A father who distances himself too greatly from his daughter becomes a burden she carries into life. If a father always finds time to cuddle, listen to, toss in the air, dance with, run alongside, coach, comfort, and protect his daughter, he will give her her the gift of life he is built to give. If a father withholds nothing, teaching his daughter the life skills she needs to know, he shares an active kind of respect for variety in a girl’s developing self. If a father competes with his daughter in games, but especially when she is young, lets her win her share of races, he is showing her both his own humility and her potential. And as a father helps a daughter enter the worlds of sexuality, romance and then marriage, a man becomes more than an arm to walk down the aisle with–he becomes– in his daughter’s mind fearless…”

If you have struggled with your relationship with a parent, and would like someone to talk with about it, please don’t hesitate to contact us today.

Related reading: Why “Father” God? – Why refer to God as “Father”, especially with all the negative baggage that word can carry? Is there a better way to think about it?

Excerpted from A Dad-Shaped Hole in My Heart: How God Wants to Heal the Wounds Left by Your Earthly Father by H. Norman Wright. Copyright © 2005. Used by permission. Unauthorized duplication prohibited.

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42 Responses to “Heart Problems: A Dad Shaped Hole”

  • Susan Susan says:

    Praise God.

    I’ll be praying for your financial breakthrough.

  • Sharon Sharon says:

    thank you Susan this dispute is tentatively over from the teachers and government they had a mediator in for the last three days talking and mediating this so thank you for praying please keep praying for a financial breakthrough for us thank you love sharon

  • Susan Susan says:

    Love you too Sharon and know that you and yours are in my prayers.

  • Sharon Sharon says:

    dear Susan– thank you for your email and prayer for us much appreciated thank you again love sharon

  • Susan Susan says:

    Hi Sharon,

    I am so happy to hear about your dad because he is a child of God.

    I would like to pray for your financial issue.

    Philippians 4:6, 7…Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

    Dear Father God,

    We thanks again for this opportunity. Lord, I commit Sharon and her husband’s financial issue in Your hand. Lord, we don’t have anywhere else to go and Lord, You are our everything. Lord, I pray that Lord, You meet this family’s need. Holy Spirit have Your way and You open doors for the. Thank You for hearing our prayers. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

    God bless you Sharon.

  • Sharon Sharon says:

    to Susan– thank you, yes my dad was/is saved so I know where he is and he is in heaven I grew up in a Christian home I am going through some financial stuff from my husband’s job the teachers are in dispute with the government where I live and we are in the middle of this dispute as my husband is not a teacher but support staff but I am leaning on my Heavenly father to continue to provide for us. thank you. sharon

  • Susan Susan says:

    Hi Jericho,
    Really heart-breaking comment. I know it is not easy Jericho and I can understand how much you long to be with your daughter. Is there a way you can talk to her everyday? Let’s pray for a restoration of your family. I am sure, nothing is impossible with our Heavenly Father.
    Dear Heavenly Father, We thank You so much for this time. Lord, I pray for Jericho and his family. Lord, I pray for a restoration of this family. Lord, heal their wounds and restore them Lord., Lord, I pray that You fill Jericho with Your peace and joy. Help him to rest in You O’ Lord, Thank You for hearing our prayers. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
    Jericho, please keep us updated.

  • Susan Susan says:

    Hi Eno,
    I agree this with you. I am also a mom but I totally agree with you and say, moms, we have a great responsibility. God is watching, we have to feed our children with good stuff. Especially, respecting their father(whether he is good or bad). Children are watching us and let us be a model to our children and to our husband.

  • Susan Susan says:

    Hi Kay,
    I am so sorry to hear about your dad. After reading your comment I was just thinking, a parent, husband and wife both have a great responsibility to bring up your children. Children are innocent and it is we, parent has to be responsible for this. This we have to think before marriage. We must build a godly home. Anyway Kay, I am so happy to hear about one thing that you have hope in our Heavenly Father. I praise God for this. Keep on trusting on Jesus and ask God to heal you and help God to remove the hatred you have towards your father.
    Let’s pray Kay:
    Dear Heavenly Father,
    We thank You for this time. Lord, You are our Best Father and we cannot compare You with anyone. Lord, I pray for Kay. Lord, heal her wounds and remove which is not from you. Lord, guide You child. Lord, I pray for her mom, be with her, and help her to put her trust in You O’Lord, Lord, I pray for Kay’s father. Lord, draw him closer to You. Thank You for hearing our prayers. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

  • Susan Susan says:

    Hi Janelle,
    At least I am happy that you had a chance to talk to him. Do you all still talk each other? I can understand how much you wished for your father’s presence. But now, I want to encourage you my friend, you have a Heavenly Father and He is ready to receive you; He loves you and cares for you. Janelle, in the Bible in 1 Peter 5:7 says… Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
    Let’s pray Janelle. Dear Heavenly Father, We thank You for this beautiful time. Lord, I lift Your child Janelle in Your hand. Lord, I pray that You restore this family. Lord, I pray for Your will be done in this. Heal their wounds and restore this family. Lord, protect this family and we thank You for hearing our prayers in Jesus’ name, Amen.

  • Susan Susan says:

    Hi Dave,
    Don’t feel bad, let me ask you. Why you are living away from your wife and children? Why do you want continue the same habit your father had? Why not change it? Why not commit to your life to Jesus? Nothing is too later Dave, if you believe and trust on Jesus, I am sure, He will guide you. When you truly commit your life to Jesus, you ego disappears. You take initiate and get in touch with your wife and daughter. Let us pray Dave.
    Father God, Again we thank You for this time. Lord, I commit Your child Dave in Your hand. Lord, nothing is too difficult for You and I pray that draw dave closer to You. Help him to experience Your love in his life. Lord, help him to be a good father and a right husband. Lord, You mold him and shape him and we thank You for hearing our prayers. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
    Keep in touch Dave.

  • Susan Susan says:

    Hi Lozzi,
    Wonderful testimony and I appreciate your love for Jesus and you are allowing God to handle your situation. I pray that may our Heavenly Father, guide you and bless you. Let others see Christ in You.
    Lozzi, keep in touch.

  • Susan Susan says:

    Hi Tine,
    Appreciate your comment and may God strengthen you and guide you. May He use you more and more for His glory. Let you be a blessing to many!

  • Susan Susan says:

    Hi Sharon,
    I am so sorry to hear about this. Know that Your Heavenly Father knows this and He is more than sufficient for you.
    I do have my parents but I brought up in a very strict atmosphere. I grew up with different kind of emotions. Today, I can say, my Heavenly Father..He was not only my Father, He was everything to me. When I look back to my life, I don’t know how I have reached till today but I know it is only because my HEAVENLY FATHER..
    Sharon, is you dad saved?

  • Susan Susan says:

    Amen. You are very right. God bless you Francine!

  • Susan Susan says:

    Hi Lee,
    I am so sorry to hear this. See, how this is affecting the children.
    Did you tell your children why their dad left you? Or Lee, do you want your husband to be back?
    Lee, let us ask God to guide you in this.
    Father God, You are God and You are Creator. Everything is Yours Lord, and we are nothing. We are just dust. Lord, without Your guidance we are scattered. Lord, I commit Lee and her children in Your hand. Lord, I prya for a restoration of this family. Lord, I pray for Your will be done in this house. Lord, heal Lee’s children and Lee. Lord, You fill them with Your love and help this family to experience Your love in each lives. Lord, draw them closer to You. Help her children to leave bad ways and focus on You O’ Lord. Save these children and bless Lee. I pray for her husband. Wherever he is, speak to him. Thank You for hearing our prayers. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

  • Susan Susan says:

    This is really a great article!

  • Jewels says:

    Thank you for this article. How can I learn more about this subject. This Father hole, as you call it, has been my curse of my life. I need healing, and I would like to know what to do to have it, please….

  • Michael Jantzen M. Jantzen says:

    Hello Jericho, I was saddened to read your comment. You clearly really miss your daughter and want to be a permanent presence in her life. While I understand that her mother probably finds it easier to not speak with you (whoever really enjoys speaking to their Ex after all), but she is putting herself and her comfort above the need of your daughter to see you regularly.

    By being ‘cut off’ do you mean you no longer have a phone number or way to contact her via facebook? Or that she just never responds when you do? I know you are in school to help build a future for yourself, but are there school options that would help you live closer to your daughter.

    While going to court is never fun, this is not about your comfort or your Ex’s. It’s about what’s best for your daughter (having her dad in her life more), so going to court may be the best thing you can do. When a parent is responsible and stable, judges are inclined to make rulings that help both parents be involved in the child’s life. You should make sure to get your weekend times set in stone and gauranteed by a court.

    If she doesn’t want to go to court, you could always hire a mediator and have them write up something you both sign that is then filed and certified with the court. This sounds like a tough road you’re on. Please feel free to connect with one of our confidential online mentors: http://powertochange.com/discover/talk-to-a-mentor/ Take care!

  • Jericho says:

    I am a product of an awful separation at 12 years old. I joined the Marine Corps searching for something in my life. While deployed at the age of 21 my daughter was born. after a year with her mother, it was clear that she was not interested in pursuing a relationship with me. I tried seeing my little girl as much as I could, alas enlistments run out and I wasn’t on her birth certificate because of her mom. She left, with my little girl. and I tried finding a job to send money, just to talk to her over the phone from VA while she was in CA. I got fed up with the distance, wanted to get my degree in Music Business. After getting to CA, her mother cut off contact to her for 8 months. I get a message that my daughter wanted to see me, I gratefully accept and visit her in San Jose on Labor day weekend. We had an amazing weekend, 100% quality time, and then I had to go back to school in Los Angeles. Again she cuts off connection with me, and out of the blue calls crying that my little girl is blaming her for me not being around to see her everyday. I expressed the upmost sincerity in sending money once again to actually go to San Jose on the regular to see my baby. Her mother cut off connection again, with out a reason being presented. I am only assuming because she has recently come across potential husband number three, and every chance i get to see a new picture of my little girl via Facebook, she looks so unhappy. I think about her every morning, everyday, every night, and only being a student I don’t know what I can do . I just don’t want my little girl growing up with out me some where in her life. Having the history and knowledge of how awful the court system and the parents in that situation can be I don’t want to put her threw that. I wish I could understand why this happened and is happening to her. How does a father be a father when a mother wont let them?

  • Eno Emmanuel says:

    I salute the courage of Janelle for not only carrying all the mom reported about the father but desiring to reach out to him. From the garden of Eden humans have decided to be finding faults with the other persons for their problems. It is true that some daddies are terrible but some of the moms are responsible for the absentee dads. Since most times the moms keep the children, they feed them with their own sides of the stories as if they were angels and the dads were evil. Dads, please be available. Moms please don’t feed your children with falsehood or biased reports that paint dads as evil. Janelle, God will help you to help dad recover his lost past and begin to be a better man.

  • Sharon Sharon says:

    good article thank you for posting this my dad hole is getting kind of filled with hugs from some of my church men my dad has died last july from alzeheimers

  • Kay says:

    I have never had a good relationship with my father. Even as a child he was very cold and neglectful. He acted as if we were a unwanted burden to him. He expressed in no uncertain terms that he was just plain not interested in our lives, so far as coming to our games, recitals, graduations etc. was concerned. Now, as adults, he still acts as if he doesn’t like us, but he does show emotion toward his grandchildren. I have been trying for years to forgive him for how he acted towards us as children and even as adults, but I find the major thing blocking my full forgiveness to give way to bitterness is that he is so disrespectful towards my mother. He has caused her a lot of undue stress in her lifetime and was never there for her when she needed him most, but when she reached out to other family or to the church, he became angry. One thing he has taught me is that I NEVER EVER want a man in my life that acts like he does. Not a husband, not a son, not a friend. He is a living, breathing example of “what not to do” and maybe that was God’s purpose for him being in my life. I don’t really have a father shaped hole anymore, though I did go for YEARS with a very big, very raw wound on my heart. I have found that my Father God can fill the hole, and I ask Him all the time to help me get past the relationship with my earthly father. I admit, though, that it is quite a struggle.

  • Shelley Shelley says:

    Dear Father God,
    Lord I lift up my sister and her dad to You that You will bring them together by your awesome presence and that they will reunited as one under Your grace. In Jesus Mightyname amen

  • Janelle says:

    I just turned 30 in February of 2013. I never knew my Father. My mother spoke very little about him. I only knew his name. I had nothing to go by, but her side of the story. I love my mom and know that she did what she did because she thought was right. She remarried and has four more children. I have always felt left out and there was always emptiness. I gave up on my 30th birthday, and told myself that I will not put myself through the frustrations and anger of trying to find him again. On March 29, 2013, I decided to give it a try one more time. I GOOGLED his first and last name, and this time it pulled something up. I called the phone number that very morning and spoke to my Father. I also found out that he has another daughter who he hasn’t seen or spoken to in over 10 years. Now it’s trying to figure out where to start how to finish the healing.

  • My father is 80 years old now and I never knew him. I mean he lived with us but was very distant and “checked out” of his relationship with his wife and children. Now that I am a father of two – 19 year old daughter and 12 year old son, I see those same traits in myself. My wife is done trying to connect with me and I can’t blame her. She had loved me but I was only present in the very beginning of our relationship. I am trying now – now that it is maybe too late to set aside my ego and become present. To jump at the opportunities to connect with her and my children. My daughter breaks my heart because I see her feed into her worries and stresses the way that I do. She has everything in front of her, nothing but opportunities, and all she seems to see are obstacles. I do the same thing and I have a career that I hate working for a company that I don’t care about. I come home and I am already checked out. Meditation and being self aware helps but it won’t undo the damage that I have done.

  • Francine says:

    @ Lozzi
    It’s wonderful to hear your story. I see my father like that now also. Isn’t it wonderful how The Lord is always there? He changes us first so we can pray for others. So He can make that connection with others that probably would never know Jesus. This is what Jesus told the disciples to do, to go spread the gospel throughout the land. We are His disciples. We are part of Gods kingdom and it is awesome!
    Have a blessed New Year!

  • lozzi says:

    my dad never married my mother. she’s been incarcerated for almost 22 years of my life. I’m 30 years old now and i’m just starting to open my heart to my father. he married twice and allowed both women (my step mothers) to kick me out the house all because I was just daddy’s girl. I was his only child. As I got older I had so much hatred for my dad. But after asking god to open my heart and heal my pain I actually began to see my dad in another light. I began to feel very empathetic towards him. I felt sorry for him, I thought to myself mayber there were things that happend in his past or in his childhood that I’ve never known. With that said when you learn how to pray for those who hurt you god has a way of dealing with those individuals. Now he even texts me. he says he loves me and misses me. It’s crazy seeing these things but i know it’s nothing but the work of the holy spirit. when i was younger i wanted a fathers love. now that i’m older i’m learning how to accept a fathers love. after all the years of closing off my heart god allowed me feel again. slowly but surely. So i say to those with a hole in your heart….to learn humility. stay humble and continue to pray for those who caused you pain. It will work out in your favor in the end. God knows all things!

  • Bernard Bernard says:

    It is amazing how much a father influences a child’s self esteem by either being positive or negative. Fathers need to watch out that they don’t exasperate their children. It is a struggle for me too because I basically grew up with criticism from both parents and my father had his own business so I did not spend much time with him but he still tried to spend time with his children for which I am thankful.
    I am thankful for the good time I had with my dad. I realize that because of the kind of life he had he was unable to show emotions in a healthy way. He is not even able to talk about the pain he endured except it comes through small stories he tells me.

  • Tine says:

    to all you daughters with a hole in your heart with the shape of your dad. You are not along! I pray for a healing of your broken heart. Mine is broken too! But I hope I can let go up the past and appreciate the present. I hope I can love my dad. I am holding on to my Father’s promise that He will never leave me nor forsake me!. I call Him Abba (God) is my Father! And I hope that will help me love my dad!

  • Sharon Sharon says:

    this is an emotional issue with me, my dad was home in the evenings growing up and worked during the day but he wasn’t home emotionally, i did have a dad but then again i didn’t and now he is in a home with alzeheimers the last stages of it and doesn’t know us or talk and is in a wheel chair. i am sd when i see daughters out with fathers and i didn’t have that chance at all.

  • I’m impressed, I must say. Really seldom do I discover a blog that’s both educative and entertaining, and let me tell you, you have hit the nail on the head. Your article is important; the matter is something that not many people are speaking intelligently about. I’m very happy that I stumbled across this in my search for something relating to it.

  • Francine says:

    Still receiving updates on this subject tells me Dads have a huge impact on every Childs life.
    Whether it be positive or negative I’ve learned with the guidance and molding and shaping me by my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, that I must take the positive and cling to it and the negative as something to learn what not to do or to avoid throughout my life to avoid the same negative outcome in my life and my own family. So we can see our past negative experiences as blessings in disguise because we are better individuals because of our parents mistakes and cling to our Lord Jesus Christ for the remainder of our lives. Be blessed and be a blessing.

  • Lee says:

    My ex left the marriage and his 3 children,11,8,and 4..They have all suffered from this..My daughter went into drugs and was always looking for love,never understanding why her daddy left her.My oldest son went on to feel never good enough or small to have his dad’s love..The youngest was sheltered and loved by his siblings..Men who walk out on their kids do a lifetime of damage and change the future of there kids…Today over 20 yrs later..my kids love their dad..but see him in a whole different light….They tell me ..you don’t want him back mom…My daughter still yearns to be daddy’s little girl and would do anything for him..my boys..no..their over it and see him for what he was and is..He went on to father 3 more children that are in the same spot as mine..Not knowing if their dad really loves them or not…Very sad

  • D says:

    I am reading each story and comment of their own father. I believe that my father is the reason or cause of my problems today, HOWEVER, there is nothing really ‘wrong’ about him. Let me explain… he is not an alcoholic, he is not abusive, and he has never walked out on us.
    But.. he was also never reallly home. He worked everyday, 12 hours a day, for us: food, shelter, cars, etc. I do not really know my father. And He really has high expectations for us; something I cannot ever reach. Because of him I was afraid to fail (I never was taught it was okay to make mistakes, or perfectionism0)

  • charlene says:

    I am the sixth child out of twelve, my father loved me and my siblings. He was an alcoholic which also six of my siblings are. My father died at age 48 of a heart attack. I could always talk to my father whether he was drunk or sober. He always made me feel like I was important. I loved being near him whether he drank or not. He always gave me a way to figure out my problems on my own by making me think things through. I miss him to this day so very much. His dying left me with an emptiness that has never been filled by anyone. I love my dad very much.

  • Francine says:

    I just came from visiting my dad who is incarcerated. He is 73 yrs old , he was a abusive alcoholic and when I was a child He was my monster he scared me to death… Seeing him limp (effects of an anurism) to the visiting table see his balding pure white hair and mustache he doesnt seem so scary anymore. He wore my mom out and she is with Jesus now. My brother was murdered execution style and was a pedefile. My three older sisters and I are so messed up from our upbringing that we dont have relationships with eachother, incapable of loving one another without judging or with conditions. Most of our children have some type of super selflishness that is evident in my father. Sincerity, mercy and grace are lacking from us all.
    Ive tried but have been rejected too many times and I have shaken the dust off and have moved on knowing that my Lord and Saviour has everything under control. My two daughters are my two angels and my son is as hard and unloving and selfish as can be. He reminds me of my father, well two out of three isnt bad, and I know God will have His way with us all , Praise God He is sufficient for us all. Happy Fathers Day to all the fathers and to those of you who complain about your Dad, if your Dad tells you he loves you and talks to you hey that is a blessing, hang on to him and count your blessings…
    Be blessed

  • blue-jay says:

    I used to be the apple of my dads eye. It was great!!! Seems he was always snatching me up from …death …or so he thought. Once all of us and the nieghbors were sledding out on the “hill”…everyone went in for lunch except me. I found a good spot and snuggled into the snow drift. The sun was out and bright and warm…but it was michigan in january..freezing.. but not to me. When my dad snatched me up he took me in the house and put me in front of the fire. He was mumbling something ..not sure what.. and took off my mittens and boots and socks. He started to rub my hands and feet and realised…I was as warm as a stove top.. I was ok..I supprised and astonished him many times. I had a wonderful childhood with him. We swam and fished and played softball. He knew the answers to everything. All the neighborhood kids came over to play ball with us. He would grow a two acre garden with the most delicious veggies and strawberries. He taught us how to fish and hunt and track what we were hunting. It was “heaven” on earth!!! Unfortunatly I messed it all up. I have never been able to get back into his good graces..no matter how hard i tried..Now though i love him so… he has a brain disease called “ataxia”. It is the shrinking of the brain stem and voluntary muscle movement. He was “walking” …but now is in a wheel chair. He cant just answer the phone now …speech is only on a good day.

  • Tina says:

    This is a great article. Thanks for sharing!

  • eno emmanuel says:

    What will a dad do that will exasperate the daughter?

  • eric boandoh says:

    glad to hear from you

  • [...] in time to see the first tower fall. I thought the worst, of course. Parents: Can you forgive them?Fathers: The holes they leave It wasn’t until about 8:30 that evening that I heard from the police department that he was on [...]

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