Your Abortion Questions Answered
We receive a lot of questions dealing with the topic of abortion. We asked Counselor Lynette Hoy to sit down with us and answer some of the most common ones.
“I am 18 years old, pregnant and about to start college. I am considering having an abortion. Is having an abortion is safe? What are the dangers of having one and how will they affect me?”
Lynette: My heart really goes out to you as you feel pretty desperate about your pregnancy and are thinking over the consequences of making a decision to end this life within you.
May I suggest that you first get some support and guidance. You can go to a Pregnancy Center to get counseling.
- Pregnancy Center in USA or call 1-800-848-LOVE
- International listings of pregnancy centers for help in your country.
These centers can help you think through your options and help provide you with hope if you decide to keep your baby. Many times these centers will also offer a free ultrasound, so that you can see the life forming within you.
Consequences of abortion: Many women who consider abortion find that abortion does not end their problems, it only exacerbates them. They live with the memory of ending their baby’s life, yes, of killing him or her. Abortion will not resolve the fears that you have. It will only increase the psychological issues and bring about an unbearable guilt that few talk about.
Abortion comes with great risk of complications as well. Some women have experienced infertility and reproductive problems. Counseling and pastoral offices are full of women who are grieving the pain and guilt of abortion. Please write, call or visit the Pregnancy Centers site as suggested above for help.
God answers prayers and is very concerned about you and your baby’s welfare. It may seem like an accident that you are pregnant but, God knew you would become pregnant all along. Though you are suffering the consequences of having sexual relations with this man……the life residing in your womb was created by God and is being sustained by Him even now. And your sin can be forgiven if you confess it to God and believe that Christ died for your sins on the cross.
The Bible is very encouraging when people are in trouble. God will comfort you and give you guidance and hope. Psalm 25:4-5 says:
“Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.”
“I never thought that I would have to deal with a close friend having an abortion. I think abortion is wrong, I thought she felt that way too. How do I deal with this for myself and with her?”
Lynette: It’s difficult to think about the fact that a life has been snuffed out and that your friend actually decided to have this done. Truly you are grieving this decision along with your friend. You wish she had not made this decision. She must regret it as well and deal with the guilt of actually giving permission to have the abortion.
Two questions come to mind:
- How can you move on from here?
- How can you help your friend in the process?
First, you must realize that you did not make this decision and that any guilt you may feel over it is false. You can separate yourself from the act but, you will still feel sadness over this loss. Take steps to help yourself work through the grief. Journal your feelings and accept that grief is a part of life when we face any loss to help us work through it. As you process this grief yourself, you will be able to help your friend process it as well.
You may feel anger towards your friend. You will need to forgive her for making this decision. How can you forgive when she has terminated a life? You can forgive because you are a human being needing forgiveness as well and therefore, you can grant forgiveness.
Grief has several stages: shock, protest, disorganization and reorganization. In the protest phase you will experience many feelings of anger, depression, sadness, fear, loneliness. This is normal. These feelings need to be expressed. Find someone close who you can talk to and share your feelings. Encourage her to find someone as well and to get professional counseling for this as she will have to deal with forgiving herself.
“I had an abortion last year. I would have given birth this month. I’m feeling all sorts of mixed emotions. I keep thinking about having another baby. Is this normal or am I just feeling guilty? I feel that having a baby will help me get through all the pain and guilt that I’m feeling.”
Lynette: It is normal for you to grieve the loss of your baby now. It is important to allow yourself to process this loss and work through any guilt over making this decision to have an abortion. It is normal to wish you had your baby now and to have a desire to give birth to another child as well.
What can you do?
- First of all, I encourage you to seek counseling for your loss. You can find a counselor or go to the nearest mental health center. Or contact the agencies listed above. Secondly, process your loss by taking time to work through the grief. Grief has several stages. You are feeling many emotions of sadness, anger, guilt, loneliness. This is normal. You can move through this time.
- Process your feelings by journaling and through prayer. You will discover that God is near to the broken-hearted. You may feel that God rejects you because of your decision to terminate your pregnancy. But, He is there ready to forgive.
- Get support. You may find that the agencies recommended offer post-abortion support groups. It helps to talk about your loss with others who have gone through the same experience. Realize that there are no pat answers for your loss. You will feel grief and remorse over this at times but, the pain will lessen.
- You need to forgive yourself. Realize that you are human and have made a mistake. But, ultimately, this mistake is not the unforgivable sin – not in God’s eyes. Read about forgiveness and working through guilt.
- Ask yourself these questions:
- What have I learned from this experience?
- How has this changed my life?
Maybe you have learned that you would not have made the decision to abort your baby — that you did it out of fear and wished you had considered other options such as adoption or keeping the baby. Maybe you realize now that this decision had more serious consequences than you expected.
- From this day forward you can make some new resolutions for any future decisions especially when it has to do with a pregnancy. You can determine to consult with a crisis pregnancy center about all the options available for having your baby. You can determine to talk with other women who may be considering abortion about how this event in your life affected you and you regret it. You can decide to make serious decisions based on God’s will for your life.
You will never regret turning to God. He will help you and strengthen you. If you feel guilty about a pregnancy or an abortion, you need to know that God forgives you because Jesus died for your sins on the cross 2,000 years ago and when you place your faith in Him — you are forgiven.
God will help you through this trial. Go to a solid Christian church and talk and pray with a Pastor there. I hope that you will find this helpful. Please check out my advice page for more help.
Take a look at your life. How would you describe it? Contented? Rushed? Exciting? Stressful? Moving forward? Holding back? For many of us it’s all of the above at times. There are things we dream of doing one day, there are things we wish we could forget. In the Bible, it says that Jesus came to make all things new. What would your life look like if you could start over with a clean slate?
Living with hope
If you are looking for peace, there is a way to balance your life. No one can be perfect, or have a perfect life. But every one of us has the opportunity to experience perfect grace through a personal relationship with God through His Son, Jesus Christ.
You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. Here’s a suggested prayer:
Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Savior and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of person you want me to be.
Does this prayer express the desire of your heart? You can pray it right now, and Jesus Christ will come into your life, just as He promised.
Is this the life for you?
If you invited Christ into your life, thank God often that He is in your life, that He will never leave you and that you have eternal life. As you learn more about your relationship with God, and how much He loves you, you’ll experience life to the fullest.