Comments on: My use of porn is ruining my marriage http://powertochange.com Sun, 12 Feb 2012 06:28:22 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: <span class='mentorBadge' title='Leah is an official Power to Change mentor.' >Leah</span> http://powertochange.com/discover/life/addicttoporn/comment-page-1/#comment-173359 Leah Mon, 15 Aug 2011 16:20:05 +0000 http://thelife.com/?page_id=10986#comment-173359 Dear RJ, I hear your pain, it must be so hard. I don't know if this means divorce, but if you would like someone to talk to about this problem we offer free and confidential mentoring. You would be matched with a mentor that has gone through what you are experiencing and will be able to give you wisdom to walk this journey. Just click the link if you want a mentor: http://powertochange.com/discover/talk-to-a-mentor/ Sincerely, Leah Dear RJ,

I hear your pain, it must be so hard. I don’t know if this means divorce, but if you would like someone to talk to about this problem we offer free and confidential mentoring. You would be matched with a mentor that has gone through what you are experiencing and will be able to give you wisdom to walk this journey. Just click the link if you want a mentor: http://powertochange.com/discover/talk-to-a-mentor/

Sincerely,

Leah

]]> By: rj http://powertochange.com/discover/life/addicttoporn/comment-page-1/#comment-171238 rj Sun, 14 Aug 2011 19:29:20 +0000 http://thelife.com/?page_id=10986#comment-171238 I feel i am in the same position as some of you. I dont feel that my husband is addicted per say...or maybe...i dont know...my issue is why??? i do feel it has impacted our sex life...more importantly is impacting me....i feel worthless and when i mention it he always says its my fault for snooping. my biggest frustration is that he feels like he is doing nothing wrong and that i should just stay out of his things. He always pushes me away when i try to be affectionate? so what im seeing here is that this wont change???? does this mean divorce? I feel i am in the same position as some of you. I dont feel that my husband is addicted per say…or maybe…i dont know…my issue is why??? i do feel it has impacted our sex life…more importantly is impacting me….i feel worthless and when i mention it he always says its my fault for snooping. my biggest frustration is that he feels like he is doing nothing wrong and that i should just stay out of his things. He always pushes me away when i try to be affectionate? so what im seeing here is that this wont change???? does this mean divorce?

]]> By: <span class='mentorBadge' title='Andrew is an official Power to Change mentor.' >Andrew</span> http://powertochange.com/discover/life/addicttoporn/comment-page-1/#comment-139824 Andrew Sat, 23 Jul 2011 00:21:15 +0000 http://thelife.com/?page_id=10986#comment-139824 I understand the frustration of having a spouse that is disengaged and only has a one track mind of sitting in front of a computer to see what images he can look that will fill the void that is there. There are no easy answers to build up trust once the trust is lost and if they have not stopped then pray and ask Christ to reveal to you what you should do and if you should continue the relationship. I would never advocate divorce as this is my own personal feeling on the issue of a partner who is seeking self satisfaction by looking at porn and refuses to quit. The Biblical you have the right to leave buy only after ever other avenue is explored. In my view there cheating involved with other woman as the images via webcam and internet are real human beings on the other end. I would never ever recommend divorce as having gone through it myself it is a very unpleasant gut wrenching experience however having survived an abusive relationship where cheating did occur I am free as a result. Christ wants all of us to be free through his holy spirit. It may require tough love on your part as if you allow the use of porn to continue they will think they can get away with it. The hurt or problem has to be faced and if you sit back and hope change will occur as long as he is in love with his computer more than you nothing changes. If you pray earnestly about the situation and ask Christ through the holy spirit to show what you should do then he will reveal it to you. You will never change anyone only the holy spirit can and it is by his guidance that you will be able to know what to do. Many people say I don't know what to do in this situation however the answer is in the Bible in John 8: 32 Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free. Ask Christ to show you the truth and he will do so. If the trust has been broken and you feel strongly that you can't trust then daily pray and read the scriptures with him and ask directly if there has been porn involved. Give it to God as you as a person can not handle the stress as you will go crazy and become worn out. Satan wants to destroy a marriage and all marriages can be saved through Christ. I understand that trust has to be rebuilt however if there is no spiritual change for both spouses it is impossible. A person addicted to porn has three choices to rid themselves of this. 1. Ask Christ to forgive 2. Seek an accountable partner via mentor online with truth media 3. To continue the relationship they must attend sex addiction counseling which can be occur in a number of ways. Either physically attending to see a psychologist who is a christian on a one to one basis. Or contact a Church like Saddleback that lists a spiritual group that deals with addiction. Pray earnestly and seek Chirsts guidance through the holy spirit that is the most important thing and wait for his answer. God Bless I understand the frustration of having a spouse that is disengaged and only has a one track mind of sitting in front of a computer to see what images he can look that will fill the void that is there. There are no easy answers to build up trust once the trust is lost and if they have not stopped then pray and ask Christ to reveal to you what you should do and if you should continue the relationship. I would never advocate divorce as this is my own personal feeling on the issue of a partner who is seeking self satisfaction by looking at porn and refuses to quit. The Biblical you have the right to leave buy only after ever other avenue is explored. In my view there cheating involved with other woman as the images via webcam and internet are real human beings on the other end. I would never ever recommend divorce as having gone through it myself it is a very unpleasant gut wrenching experience however having survived an abusive relationship where cheating did occur I am free as a result. Christ wants all of us to be free through his holy spirit.

It may require tough love on your part as if you allow the use of porn to continue they will think they can get away with it. The hurt or problem has to be faced and if you sit back and hope change will occur as long as he is in love with his computer more than you nothing changes. If you pray earnestly about the situation and ask Christ through the holy spirit to show what you should do then he will reveal it to you. You will never change anyone only the holy spirit can and it is by his guidance that you will be able to know what to do. Many people say I don’t know what to do in this situation however the answer is in the Bible in John 8: 32 Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free. Ask Christ to show you the truth and he will do so.

If the trust has been broken and you feel strongly that you can’t trust then daily pray and read the scriptures with him and ask directly if there has been porn involved. Give it to God as you as a person can not handle the stress as you will go crazy and become worn out. Satan wants to destroy a marriage and all marriages can be saved through Christ. I understand that trust has to be rebuilt however if there is no spiritual change for both spouses it is impossible. A person addicted to porn has three choices to rid themselves of this.
1. Ask Christ to forgive
2. Seek an accountable partner via mentor online with truth media
3. To continue the relationship they must attend sex addiction counseling which can be occur in a number of ways. Either physically attending to see a psychologist who is a christian on a one to one basis. Or contact a Church like Saddleback that lists a spiritual group that deals with addiction.

Pray earnestly and seek Chirsts guidance through the holy spirit that is the most important thing and wait for his answer.

God Bless

]]> By: Cheri http://powertochange.com/discover/life/addicttoporn/comment-page-1/#comment-138499 Cheri Wed, 20 Jul 2011 18:07:40 +0000 http://thelife.com/?page_id=10986#comment-138499 This emotional roller coaster is tearing me apart. I have prayed and tried to turn this over to God, but I can't trust him. He says he is not viewing porn any longer, but I still don't believe him. I read the comments on here where people say they will go back to it. He treats me better than he did before I discovered his use of porn, but if he/we are having a bad day and not feeling intimate I always think of the porn. It's not only the porn, it's the websites I discovered where he was seeking "discreet" relationships when he was working out of town. He keeps saying when will I let it go and tries to assure me nothing is going on. I can't afford counseling, so that is not an option. I am not suicidal, but some days I just wish I no longer existed. I am so tired. This emotional roller coaster is tearing me apart. I have prayed and tried to turn this over to God, but I can’t trust him. He says he is not viewing porn any longer, but I still don’t believe him. I read the comments on here where people say they will go back to it. He treats me better than he did before I discovered his use of porn, but if he/we are having a bad day and not feeling intimate I always think of the porn. It’s not only the porn, it’s the websites I discovered where he was seeking “discreet” relationships when he was working out of town. He keeps saying when will I let it go and tries to assure me nothing is going on. I can’t afford counseling, so that is not an option. I am not suicidal, but some days I just wish I no longer existed. I am so tired.

]]> By: <span class='mentorBadge' title='Andrew is an official Power to Change mentor.' >Andrew</span> http://powertochange.com/discover/life/addicttoporn/comment-page-1/#comment-136539 Andrew Mon, 18 Jul 2011 12:48:35 +0000 http://thelife.com/?page_id=10986#comment-136539 In a Christians life there is always a weakness that the devil preys on and for many men it is porn. Their is freedom from this addictions as the majority of people who turn to there sinful habit is because they are trying to rid themselves of a deep hurt that is inside of them. The only problem is that it is like jumping into a river with a swift current and unless you can reach out and grab a tree branch to stop you from drowning a person will drown. The answer is very simple but oh so difficult it is submitting to the holy spirit and each time a lustful thought enters the mind say "holy spirit put a positive thought in my mind and he does this" There is a show on history channel where people with dogs that are problem call a dog trainer and usually within a few hours he has the dog behaving. One of the techniques that he uses that i have seen is when he is taking a male dog for a walk and a female dog walks by the male dog wants to chase the female! He will either give the dog a quick tap with his hand or he will pull back on the leash to snap him out of the instinct at that moment. Asking the holy spirit to change your thought is very similar as the thought will be replaced with something else. Even Paul had issues with sin however he gave us a guideline how to beat it. Romans 7: He describes the problem 14 So the trouble is not with the law, for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin. 15 I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. 16 But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good. 17 So I am not the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it. 18 And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[d] I want to do what is right, but I can’t. 19 I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. 20 But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it. 21 I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. 22 I love God’s law with all my heart. 23 But there is another power[e] within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. 24 Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? 25 Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin. Romans 8: He defines the solution 1 So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. 2 And because you belong to him, the power[a] of the life-giving Spirit has freed you[b] from the power of sin that leads to death. 3 The law of Moses was unable to save us because of the weakness of our sinful nature.[c] So God did what the law could not do. He sent his own Son in a body like the bodies we sinners have. And in that body God declared an end to sin’s control over us by giving his Son as a sacrifice for our sins. 4 He did this so that the just requirement of the law would be fully satisfied for us, who no longer follow our sinful nature but instead follow the Spirit. 5 Those who are dominated by the sinful nature think about sinful things, but those who are controlled by the Holy Spirit think about things that please the Spirit. 6 So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace. 7 For the sinful nature is always hostile to God. It never did obey God’s laws, and it never will. 8 That’s why those who are still under the control of their sinful nature can never please God. 9 But you are not controlled by your sinful nature. You are controlled by the Spirit if you have the Spirit of God living in you. (And remember that those who do not have the Spirit of Christ living in them do not belong to him at all.) 10 And Christ lives within you, so even though your body will die because of sin, the Spirit gives you life[d] because you have been made right with God. 11 The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in you. And just as God raised Christ Jesus from the dead, he will give life to your mortal bodies by this same Spirit living within you. 12 Therefore, dear brothers and sisters,[e] you have no obligation to do what your sinful nature urges you to do. 13 For if you live by its dictates, you will die. But if through the power of the Spirit you put to death the deeds of your sinful nature,[f] you will live. 14 For all who are led by the Spirit of God are children[g] of God. 15 So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children.[h] Now we call him, “Abba, Father.”[i] 16 For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s children. 17 And since we are his children, we are his heirs. In fact, together with Christ we are heirs of God’s glory. But if we are to share his glory, we must also share his suffering. Follow Romans 8 and the habit will begin to stop. God Bless In a Christians life there is always a weakness that the devil preys on and for many men it is porn. Their is freedom from this addictions as the majority of people who turn to there sinful habit is because they are trying to rid themselves of a deep hurt that is inside of them. The only problem is that it is like jumping into a river with a swift current and unless you can reach out and grab a tree branch to stop you from drowning a person will drown. The answer is very simple but oh so difficult it is submitting to the holy spirit and each time a lustful thought enters the mind say “holy spirit put a positive thought in my mind and he does this”

There is a show on history channel where people with dogs that are problem call a dog trainer and usually within a few hours he has the dog behaving. One of the techniques that he uses that i have seen is when he is taking a male dog for a walk and a female dog walks by the male dog wants to chase the female! He will either give the dog a quick tap with his hand or he will pull back on the leash to snap him out of the instinct at that moment. Asking the holy spirit to change your thought is very similar as the thought will be replaced with something else. Even Paul had issues with sin however he gave us a guideline how to beat it.

Romans 7: He describes the problem

14 So the trouble is not with the law, for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin. 15 I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. 16 But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good. 17 So I am not the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.

18 And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[d] I want to do what is right, but I can’t. 19 I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. 20 But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.

21 I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. 22 I love God’s law with all my heart. 23 But there is another power[e] within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. 24 Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? 25 Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin.

Romans 8: He defines the solution

1 So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. 2 And because you belong to him, the power[a] of the life-giving Spirit has freed you[b] from the power of sin that leads to death. 3 The law of Moses was unable to save us because of the weakness of our sinful nature.[c] So God did what the law could not do. He sent his own Son in a body like the bodies we sinners have. And in that body God declared an end to sin’s control over us by giving his Son as a sacrifice for our sins. 4 He did this so that the just requirement of the law would be fully satisfied for us, who no longer follow our sinful nature but instead follow the Spirit.

5 Those who are dominated by the sinful nature think about sinful things, but those who are controlled by the Holy Spirit think about things that please the Spirit. 6 So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace. 7 For the sinful nature is always hostile to God. It never did obey God’s laws, and it never will. 8 That’s why those who are still under the control of their sinful nature can never please God.

9 But you are not controlled by your sinful nature. You are controlled by the Spirit if you have the Spirit of God living in you. (And remember that those who do not have the Spirit of Christ living in them do not belong to him at all.) 10 And Christ lives within you, so even though your body will die because of sin, the Spirit gives you life[d] because you have been made right with God. 11 The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in you. And just as God raised Christ Jesus from the dead, he will give life to your mortal bodies by this same Spirit living within you.

12 Therefore, dear brothers and sisters,[e] you have no obligation to do what your sinful nature urges you to do. 13 For if you live by its dictates, you will die. But if through the power of the Spirit you put to death the deeds of your sinful nature,[f] you will live. 14 For all who are led by the Spirit of God are children[g] of God.

15 So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children.[h] Now we call him, “Abba, Father.”[i] 16 For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s children. 17 And since we are his children, we are his heirs. In fact, together with Christ we are heirs of God’s glory. But if we are to share his glory, we must also share his suffering.

Follow Romans 8 and the habit will begin to stop.

God Bless

]]> By: Nola http://powertochange.com/discover/life/addicttoporn/comment-page-1/#comment-135043 Nola Sat, 16 Jul 2011 17:00:10 +0000 http://thelife.com/?page_id=10986#comment-135043 Forgot to say. I can not talk about this with my friends or family it's just to embarrassing, so I was seeking support online and I am so glad that I found it here! You are doing a wonderful thing by answering and giving your opinion and facts on this! Hopefully it will help many people and couples in trouble! Forgot to say. I can not talk about this with my friends or family it’s just to embarrassing, so I was seeking support online and I am so glad that I found it here!
You are doing a wonderful thing by answering and giving your opinion and facts on this! Hopefully it will help many people and couples in trouble!

]]> By: Nola http://powertochange.com/discover/life/addicttoporn/comment-page-1/#comment-135039 Nola Sat, 16 Jul 2011 16:55:43 +0000 http://thelife.com/?page_id=10986#comment-135039 Yes, you are right! There is nothing impossible with God! I am just so frustrated that I completely gave up. I thought that in order for someone to get help or to be helped they need to be involved and want the help in the first place. It is hard to do when the person doesn't even want to admit that they have a problem/addiction. I have talked with my husband finely last night and through emails (it seems easier for us to communicate through letters) and he seems more calm this time. He said that he had prayed for help and strength. It made me so happy. I have not been happy like that in a very long time! In the same time I am afraid that it's just another attempt that will end up a failure. I know I should not think that and stay positive and pray! I'll try! :0) Thank you, this article, site in general and your comments are really a big help and support to me! I've sent to my husband this article and I hope he read it. Thanks again! Yes, you are right! There is nothing impossible with God!
I am just so frustrated that I completely gave up. I thought that in order for someone to get help or to be helped they need to be involved and want the help in the first place. It is hard to do when the person doesn’t even want to admit that they have a problem/addiction.
I have talked with my husband finely last night and through emails (it seems easier for us to communicate through letters) and he seems more calm this time. He said that he had prayed for help and strength. It made me so happy. I have not been happy like that in a very long time! In the same time I am afraid that it’s just another attempt that will end up a failure. I know I should not think that and stay positive and pray! I’ll try! :0)

Thank you, this article, site in general and your comments are really a big help and support to me! I’ve sent to my husband this article and I hope he read it.
Thanks again!

]]> By: <span class='mentorBadge' title='Bernard is an official Power to Change mentor.' >Bernard</span> http://powertochange.com/discover/life/addicttoporn/comment-page-1/#comment-134779 Bernard Sat, 16 Jul 2011 05:54:49 +0000 http://thelife.com/?page_id=10986#comment-134779 Hello all men and women out there that have connection with porn. I am a former porn addict. My wife prayed for me and never criticized me or put me down. One day God spoke to my heart and said..."Jesus died for that too..." and that was almost the end of it. Almost because I still was struggling with desires. Other than that I am more the other way now...I walk away from it very quickly. I hate because it has hurt me so much because I am now taking drugs for depression and I have a hard time handling stress which I believe are the consequences of porn. Porn may look fun for a while but it has the bite of a snake. Don't be fooled by its looks. God bless you! Decide from now on that you will pray for your husband and let God do the work. Have faith! Hello all men and women out there that have connection with porn. I am a former porn addict. My wife prayed for me and never criticized me or put me down. One day God spoke to my heart and said…”Jesus died for that too…” and that was almost the end of it. Almost because I still was struggling with desires. Other than that I am more the other way now…I walk away from it very quickly. I hate because it has hurt me so much because I am now taking drugs for depression and I have a hard time handling stress which I believe are the consequences of porn. Porn may look fun for a while but it has the bite of a snake. Don’t be fooled by its looks. God bless you! Decide from now on that you will pray for your husband and let God do the work. Have faith!

]]> By: halbcust http://powertochange.com/discover/life/addicttoporn/comment-page-1/#comment-134724 halbcust Fri, 15 Jul 2011 22:12:26 +0000 http://thelife.com/?page_id=10986#comment-134724 This is a modern day plague, it affects so many. My heart goes out to you. But to say that there is only hope for a few, I just can't help but think that makes this struggle bigger than God. There can be victory, just look at ths site and watch Nate Larkins' story. http://www.iamsecond.com/seconds/#sex-addiction There should be a high degree of victory amoung Christians because scriptures give us instructions on how to deal with someone who struggles with any sin. (Mat. 18:15-22) I wonder how many Christians who struggle with this have had their peers deal with them using this method. Could it be that this is why so few overcome? I really wonder. This is a modern day plague, it affects so many. My heart goes out to you. But to say that there is only hope for a few, I just can’t help but think that makes this struggle bigger than God. There can be victory, just look at ths site and watch Nate Larkins’ story. http://www.iamsecond.com/seconds/#sex-addiction

There should be a high degree of victory amoung Christians because scriptures give us instructions on how to deal with someone who struggles with any sin.
(Mat. 18:15-22) I wonder how many Christians who struggle with this have had their peers deal with them using this method. Could it be that this is why so few overcome? I really wonder.

]]> By: Nola http://powertochange.com/discover/life/addicttoporn/comment-page-1/#comment-134678 Nola Fri, 15 Jul 2011 16:56:06 +0000 http://thelife.com/?page_id=10986#comment-134678 I have been dealing with the same thing. My husband is addicted to porn. He promised me he would stop but it never happens. It has been 10 years and now it is worse than ever. Our relationship is in bad shape. On top of everything he does not want to have sex with me. Last time we had it it was not good, fast (just for him) and it was almost a year ago. He doesn't want to touch me or kiss me. We never doing anything together. The women in porn completely replaced me. I feel rejected and humiliated. My husband does not want to talk about it or go to counseling or go to church. I'll say this - if your man is a porn addict he will never change, he'll never stop. He will lie to you & make promises, but it all would be forgotten once he is back on his computer, on in front of the tv and CD player (while you're away). You either can choose to live with that or to leave him. Okay, may be there are a few Christian men out there that can and will find power inside of them to stop, but the number is soooooo small, that the good chance is it will not be Your man. :( I feel for all of you women, that are in the same situation as I am! I know what you are going through. I have been dealing with the same thing. My husband is addicted to porn. He promised me he would stop but it never happens. It has been 10 years and now it is worse than ever. Our relationship is in bad shape. On top of everything he does not want to have sex with me. Last time we had it it was not good, fast (just for him) and it was almost a year ago. He doesn’t want to touch me or kiss me. We never doing anything together. The women in porn completely replaced me. I feel rejected and humiliated. My husband does not want to talk about it or go to counseling or go to church.
I’ll say this – if your man is a porn addict he will never change, he’ll never stop. He will lie to you & make promises, but it all would be forgotten once he is back on his computer, on in front of the tv and CD player (while you’re away). You either can choose to live with that or to leave him.

Okay, may be there are a few Christian men out there that can and will find power inside of them to stop, but the number is soooooo small, that the good chance is it will not be Your man. :(
I feel for all of you women, that are in the same situation as I am! I know what you are going through.

]]>