I’m so sorry to hear about what has been going on in your marriage. Trust is so important in a relationship and is often a hard thing to rebuild. In response to your question, it sounds like you have found proof more than once that your husband was seeing other women. Do you consider your husband’s behaviour unfaithful? You mentioned he has had an issue with MySpace. In response to this, you need to set boundaries in your marriage. If you don’t feel you can talk to him I ask you this: if you knew this behaviour was not going to stop what would you do? In deciding what to do about this you need to make your own choice. A choice not based on what your friends or family think but based on what you feel needs to be done. If you would like to continue this conversation privately with a mentor you can sign up for a mentor here. Our mentors our available to talk with you in a non-judgemental way if you need someone to talk to. Whatever decision you make having a community around you to be supportive would be in your best interest.

I decided to let it go, but lately his behavior is taking a turn. He never goes to bed when I go to bed. He stays up hours past me on the computer. I went away for a week to visit family recently and when I came back, he had his camera set up on his computer. It has been on the shelf for a long time. I don’t like what this does to me because I admit, I have been checking his computer currently. He had turned off all history and is using an email for certain accounts that I don’t have or recognize. Well, I turned his history back on and can see that he’s looking at sites for local woman.

In addition, every time he leaves his computer he shuts down everything and then turns off the monitor, even if he’s just going to the bathroom. He’s also very involved with an organization, and is constantly going to this meeting or that gathering. But now I wonder if that’s where he’s really going all the time. This has made me suspicious and paranoid and I don’t that it is doing this to me.

I’m frighted about what he’s either done or is about to do. My trust level for the past year has been almost nil since the MySpace issue. We are both unemployed (have been for while) with the economy as it is, and he was forced to draw from Social Security. If we split, I would be destitute currently. I haven’t been able to find a job.

I really don’t know what to do. If I talk to him, he usually has a way of turning things around on me. It could cause us to split.

Any advice?