I am having sex and always afraid of pregnancy
I am 25 years old. I am worrying about sex with my boyfriend. He doesn’t like to use condoms and persuades me that it is safe if we just interrupt sex, but I am always afraid of pregnancy. Maybe I can calculate my safe days before or after menstruation? After sex I cannot get to sleep and I still feel very excited because he is near me. I feel very confused.
If you have sex, you can get pregnant. Condoms don’t always work. Without condoms he may enjoy it more, but will he help support you for the next 18 years while you raise his son? The only way to prevent pregnancy (and sexually transmitted diseases such as AIDS) is not to have sex. My married friend–with seven children–never intended to get pregnant. She relied on calculating the safe days. For the most part she did pretty well–she only miscalculated seven times in fifteen years.
Does your relationship feel strained?: Talk to a mentor
Addicted to porn? Get help and beat your addiction
I believe God made sex natural and fun, because He originally intended people to populate the earth. He also planned on children being raised in the context of a loving family. If you aren’t prepared to do the family part, you might want to consider waiting for sex until marriage. – Dr. Ginger
I have a secondary question. I am marrying this August and my new husband and I are still virgins. Though we will be married we still wish to not have children for a few more years until it is financially feasible. Since we are only 22 we understand the importance of being intimate to a healthy marriage but how can we stay intimate and not always fear pregnancy?
My advice to the young lady in this dilemma is as others have said before:
The guy does not respect you if he does not care for your emotions and worry about having a child.
Irrespective of fornication being sin or not – the guy worth getting is the one that loves God more than he loves you and is willing to wait till you are married.
Even if we never read in any book that fornication is sin – face it, we all know (especially those that are sexually active outside marriage) that it just feels wrong. … its because its bad for you. (Its like your conscience saying “something’s up”.
All the best.
Wow, that must be alot to deal with. i’ve read these comments, and seen a various assortment of stories, I thought I would like to share my story.
I was blessed with parents with a very strong marriage, and a daddy who told me never to any crap from a boy, and a mom who told me not to go to bed with him until “he’s put a ring on your finger and given you all his money and vowed to be your slave for ever and ever” (bit dramatic translation of marriage, minus the slave part, she’s given to exaggeration for emphasis)
I waited until I was 22, and married a man who also waited. It was awesomely awkward, two virgins trying to figure out how it to have sex. We didn’t read manuals and worry about how much our “performance” was because, we were the first and only experience for each other. He has nothing to compare me too, nor I him. I was insecure about my weight, and he said “No, you are delightfully curvy, and the definition of ‘delightfully curvy’ is however many curves Eveschild has.” There is no standard of ideal sexy perfection he knows or wants me to be–I am simply myself, and that is all he ever experienced. He is simply himself, and that is all I ever experienced. In so many ways, I am reaping the sorrow and effort and love of many generations. My grandma didn’t wait, but tried to raise my mom not to go through the heartache she did. My mom did wait, but wound up getting abused by a bad bf, but went to counseling and found healing, and ofcourse eventually my dad. And so through their pain and effort, i was raised and blessed and warned what not to do. I will say that chastity is possible and I have no regrets.
That said, for everyone who has not got that experience, I wanted to encourage with my mom’s story how she found healing and also with another of my friends who didn’t wait, twice, and went though alot. Now she is faithfully serving God and a mother of children and married to a man who loves God. There is always hope. Always always. And through dedicating our sexuality to God, for His purpose (whether it be abstaining for the love of Him, or doing it in marriage rejoicing in His plans) makes it so beautiful. No matter what our bodies have been though, they are so precious, so holy, so so infinitely worth a man’s respectful love and even our own awe interpreted as chastity. Our bodies and selves were worth the blood and pain of God’s body, how much more are they worth the respect and restraint of men before marriage, and the gift of sex after. Remember there is no such thing as too late to dedicate our bodies to God. Ever.
And theres always
I think you should take the advise of Michelle’s comment. GOD knows we are sinners. That’s the point of CHRIST in the first place. Talk to your FATHER in heaven about it. Whether it’s a sin or not, HE is waiting to hear from you. Confide in HIM HE wants you to have the best life possible.
@ Cat~ No offense, but this is a christian website, so most people are going to give advise according to the WORD of GOD. It’s not meant to judge anyone or put them down. They are just stating what GOD has said about the situation being addressed. This is not a debate.
I’ve been dating my boyfriend now for five years and we’ve not had sex. Yes, you read that right. We have decided that it only belongs to marriage which we hope to do in the next few years. Too many people get hurt from premarital sex and a woman never truly knows whether a man loves her if he is not prepared to wait for her. Also, a man places more value on a woman who has not been with others. Which would you prefer? A new car or a used car if you had your choice?
I read through all the comments and was encouraged. . . in response to the young lady that posted the question here is my take on it.
First of all I would most definitely agree that if he doesn’t want to use protection even after you telling him how much it bothers you then he must not care about you all that much. Let me share with you my story.
I had only 1 boyfriend that I dated for a few months before meeting the man that I married. We knew right off that we wanted to get married and that alone made it super hard to “keep our hands to ourself”. Thankfully we lived 300 miles apart so we only got to see each other once a month. However the night that he proposed to me, we both lost our virginity. I still have very mixed feelings about it however because I love him very much and I knew that I would spend the rest of my life with him . . . but on the other hand I knew it was wrong and all my life I had wanted to wait until my wedding night.
Well, we were together almost 3 years before we got married and struggled with our sex life the entire time. We both believed it was wrong but every time we were together neither one of us said no. We didn’t use protection and I like you worried about getting pregnant. The difference with me though is I knew he would marry me in a heartbeat. Well sure enough in Oct of last year I got pregnant and we had to move up our wedding date. We made the huge mistake of not telling anyone until after the wedding and it has been a huge disaster! Families were hurt and we lost friends.
My daughter was born July 10th 2010 and she is so perfect and amazing. . . I wouldn’t trade the world for her.
But count the cost and don’t just dwell on the “feel good” stuff. Being pregnant hurts and if you don’t have loving support it will be even worse. I hope this helps someone!
21 year old mama
Cat,
I’m sorry to hear that you have had a bad experience in the Christian church. My brother was very hurt by one of the churches we grew up in, and it turned him from a relationship with Christ for a long time. It took years for him to build a relationship with Jesus again (or even want to), but he still does not go to church very often. I hope you know that Christ and Christianity are two different things, and that churches will have problems because they are run by people, but Christ is perfect in His infinite wisdom. And I do think you are right, that people who disagree should have dialog about such important issues as salvation. Cat, I truly do hope you find what you are looking for. :)
I can’t speak for anyone else, but I keep coming back here because I think it’s important for people who disagree to talk with each other. Also, I had a bad experience with Christianity, and periodic contact with Christians reminds me that they themselves are pretty nice people. Keeps the scar tissue from building up, so to speak.
I have read the above posts, and just felt moved to share my story. It isn’t about getting pregnant or using condoms. It is just my particular experience about when I decided to honor God by giving up my sexual sin.
I was not a virgin when I got married, but by the grace of God I did end up marrying the only man I have ever had sex with and we have now been together ten years.
When the weight of my own sin became too heavy to bear and I realized that my relationship with God was being interrupted by my sexual relationship with my boyfriend, I gave it up to Him. I prayed, and asked God for the strength to get out of the sin that seemed to be the glue of my relationship with my boyfriend. We had been living together for four years, so it was especially hard. I knew I was going to have to find my own place to live, that my boyfriend would probably break up with me because I wasn’t willing to sleep with him anymore, and that I would have to start my life over.
When I gave my then-boyfriend the news, it was a heartbreaking scene. He yelled at me. I just sat there and cried. I told him that I was going to step back from my relationship with him, that I still loved him and wanted to have a life with him, but that I couldn’t let my sexual relationship with him stand in the way of me having a closer relationship with God any longer. I said that I was moving out, and if he was willing to continue having a relationship with me in separate households and without having sex, I would stay committed to him until we could get married one day. He was a Christian, but still completely angry about the situation and did not show Christian understanding. He argued that since we were committed to each other and planned on getting married someday, that to God it was the same as being married.
But I knew that was wrong, because if he was that committed to me we would be married. If he was that committed to me, he would care more about my relationship with God than he would about my relationship with him. Commitment in a Christian-based marriage means you know that God is more important than the romantic relationship you share together. Spouses are more concerned with spiritual growth than anything sexual.
So, I decided to start making arrangements to move out. I was devastated that my boyfriend acted like he didn’t want to be with me at all. He kept trying to tell me that he did want to marry me, but we didn’t have the money for it. I knew that it only cost $15 for a marriage license and to get married at the courthouse. So I wouldn’t give in.
Then something changed in my boyfriend. He realized that I really was willing to give him up for God. That it broke my heart, that I loved him, but that I was not going to continue giving up my virtue to be with him. His heart softened. He decided that maybe he was looking at it the wrong way, and that he should be listening to God. And he did.
Three months later we got married. For the purpose of saving money, I did not move out. However, I must say it was not without obstacles that I lived with him in abstinence. We did not have sex again until our wedding night, but living in the same house was VERY hard. I can tell you, though, that the abstinence made our wedding night much more special.
I know this is not the outcome that every person will experience if they give up sex to stay faithful to God. If my husband had not chosen to listen to the Lord, I surely would have lost him. Here is the thing, though. If a man is not more concerned with your purity in the eyes of God and your relationship with Christ, he is not a real Christian man. In a healthy God-centered relationship, your significant other will be more concerned that you are right with God than that you are pleasing them.
I hope that spoke to someone out there. As far as the people who commented on here that the Bible is not true and that they don’t believe… why are you on this website? If you do not have a relationship with Christ or at least seeking one, why are you reading this blog? Whatever the reason, I pray that God speaks to you one way or another and softens your hearts towards His perfect Word, the Bible.
my situation is completely differant but now is the struggle. As a young christian women I save myself for marriage, years went on we had four children and divorced (which I will not get into here). I have been on my own for almost 7 years and officially divorced for aobut 7 months. I did not date during that time or even look at a man. I am now almost 45 years old and desiring companionship and a little tlc, I’m not “looking” to get married but whatever happens. 4 months ago I met a wonderful man, we have been slowly getting to know each other and he has become very important to me. This past week we had sex (of which I was a very willing party) and now the struggle. I have already been married, done that – and see life in a very differant way. I don’t want to justify my actions but I greatly desire a relationship and I think it looks differant later in life.
You’re just emotionally not stable
You’re 25 years old, you can make the rules. If the guy you’re dating doesn’t use protection he doesn’t get to sleep with you. Also, you can take control of your own fertility with birth control. There are lots of different options for women so even if your boyfriend isn’t careful you can be.
Hi. I am sixteen years old, and I think Aida, that you have the wrong attitude. Don’t quote scriptures? Don’t get you started? Don’t get ME started. You don’t believe God. You believe what you think is right. Right is right, even if everyone is against it, and wrong is wrong even if everyone is for it. You, Aida, may have been hurt, but I don’t think you have a clue. the bible was written by the prophets of God. they were inspired BY God. Spoken to BY God. Not by their own contradictions as you so delicately put it. Ever hear of blaspheming? Look it up. I am a part of something so real, so alive, that the word ‘sex’ is not even in my category. I am not even going to get started on that subject. they call us a cult, they call us haters of god, idol worshipers. But if you knew…if you only knew, Aida. I would not have said anything, or have been so harsh, But there is no way, absolutely NO way, i will stand alone and let you blaspheme my God. You don’t know this, and you will never believe it, but GOD wrote the bible. not his prophets. You may ask,”What do you believe?” I will tell you,”I believe the bible. I believe God.”
sex before marriage is sin against God and against your own body.i have come to understand that God’s word is not grevious.inother words,keeping and doing it is for our own good.have you ever considered the extent of damage caused by ‘five minutes’ of adrenalin rush especially to women?only few of them recover from the mistake in their life time.if God says we shouldnt have sex before marriage,trust me,He knows what’s best for us.if a man truely and sincerely loves a woman,he would wait until marriage and if the man keeps pressuring the lady for sex,it means there’s a hidden agenda.there’re alot of wolves in sheep clothing and all they want is to get the lady pregnant and leave her to suffer the consequencies.remember, the devil came to steal,kill and destroy….so if you dont want to destroy your destiny,keep yourself until you get married.shalom.
Emmie,
“It has taken me years to overcome them and a lot of it is still there, in my insecurities and in the difficulty I have with physical acts of affection, from hugging to sex.” I so know what you mean.I have lots of trouble with physical contact and it is something that I have to work on all the time. I really hope that things will get easier for you. Take care! feel free to email me anytime. arlette_the_rvt@yahoo.com
hey guys i have never been in a serious relationship, the only times i ever had a ‘boyfriend’ were total experimental flop. besides they were weird. anyway how does someone start a real relationship, how do i know if he likes me, what if im wrong about him. i cant ask my parents this because they tell me the same thing everytime that god has someone special for me, and i just need to wait. but know that, thats not my question, my ? is how do i ready myself, and how far is to far, everyone has different opinions, how do i know what is fact? i dont even know if im asking the right questions!
“Has anyone considered why God’s word asks us not to have sex outside out marriage? Or for that matter any of the other commandments? Is it a test? is it to control us so that we can prove ourselves? To see if we are worthy? No, no and no! God tells us that sex before marriage is a sin because it will bring us pain!! Maybe you don’t think so, today. Maybe you can’t imagine how that could be true since everyone does it.”
Arlette – This rings so true to me. I had sex with my first boyfriend when we were only 16 (and we were together until I turned 21). I thought it was good, I enjoyed it. But when I was out of that relationship and after a little while found the man I am now married to I can see how that first relationship scarred me. I won’t get into specifics, he was never mean to me, but some aspects of our life together and our sex life brought me so much pain. It has taken me years to overcome them and a lot of it is still there, in my insecurities and in the difficulty I have with physical acts of affection, from hugging to sex.
Wow Aida, sounds like you have been very hurt by someone or something in the past and as a result have become bitter and angry toward the bible, Christians and possibly God. Life is filled with so many hard questions, and I too have had my fair share of these. You are not alone. I’m happy to hear that you have not turned away from God and I hope that you are asking Him for guidance and direction in these areas. There are 2 ways to read the bible: One way is: finding evidence to prove a point (your heart not at all into it) In this form you will find scripture and interpret it into what ever you want it to say or mean to prove your point. Believe me I’ve done this and the end result left me frustrated, discouraged and feeling empty inside…
The 2nd way to read the bible is by asking God to show you what it means.(by meditating on the scripture with and open heart)If you have asked Jesus into your heart then the holly spirit dwells in you, then He will show things to you that you could not possibly have seen before:) I also done this and have found such a peace in Christ that surpasses all understanding:) Don’t give up on God because He hasn’t given up on you Aida. As for sex… I was molested at 6 years old and then by another man at 12 years old, so sex was ruined for me until God showed me how to over come my pain and to forgive the people that hurt me so deeply.(this took over 10 years) I could not have done this without God, his holly bible and my husband. I we have been married 6 years and finally this last year experienced an “O” with him the way God intended it to be! praise God!! Your past experiences with sex will affect your sex life after marriage. But it’s up to you how you will let pain affect you. You can become better or bitter and I chose better:)
I completely agree with Helen. I was born and raised in a Christian family; however, after doing extensive research on the history of Christianity, I no longer feel abligated to follow biblical principles to guide my life decisions. The bible was written by men to control others. I don’t want to get into this discussion in depth, but, I feel that a heavy burden has been lifted off my shoulders once I found “Knowledge”.
I strongly feel that if I choose to have sex with my current boyfriend, it should be my choice. I learned that life is about choices…Marriage is not a guarantee of a fulfilling sex life.
Please, don’t respond by quoting scriptures for I know the scriptures very well. I am also very informed about early church history and the church fathers (don’t get me started). I do believe in God, but I slso believe that a book full of contradictions couldn’t have been inspired by God.
I am free to make my own choices. BTW, I am still a virgin at 32 years old and I feel that I found the right man to share myself with.
” You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free”
Hello friends!
I was reading all the above replies. According to my opinion, that is nothing right and nothing wrong about having sex before marriage. Now I am 30 years old and happy with my man. I am enjoying sex and I feel quite healthy. My first relationship was when I was 22 years old. I thought I was in love then, I thought he would marry me, but he never did and after 2 years we broke up. I spent 3 years in despair, alone… But one day I woke up and said ENOUGH.
Marriage is like a precious present, only when you find the right person. So, if my first boyfriend would marry me only because he would be forced to, both of us would be unhappy.
I decided not to think of marriage and found someone who was funny, handsome, intelligent and adorable… (for my eyes) and I said to myself: That’s HIM. I loved him, had sex with him and enjoyed every moment being in his companionship. Unwillingly I made the comparison with my ex boyfriend and realised that it was totally diferent. I did’t know then, that having sex with him was so so. But I can realise now, that I enjoy sex with my man. And it is super… We are talking here about our BODY and about our WISHES, and about our LIFE… I feel sorry for my self, that I allowed myself spending 3 years of my life in despair and alone. You that are 28 years old, don’t spend your life waiting the perfect man (that does not exist) coming to you with a proposal ring for marriage. No, you have to feel freeee listen your body, respect your feelings and go ahead. There is no receipe what is right and what is wrong. Just choose what you beleive that is right for YOU, your body, your thoughts, your spirit, your personality…
P.S. Sorry for my English. I am married with my love now, I was a pretty bride :)
Has anyone considered why God’s word asks us not to have sex outside out marriage? Or for that matter any of the other commandments? Is it a test? is it to control us so that we can prove ourselves? To see if we are worthy? No, no and no! God tells us that sex before marriage is a sin because it will bring us pain!! Maybe you don’t think so, today. Maybe you can’t imagine how that could be true since everyone does it. Please read these posts. Read first about all the disease and physical ramifications. Then read it again and hear the pain and heartbreak in those events. Read the shame in them and the loneliness. Please think about how God loves you so much and how He will give you everything you need if you would just ask. Look at how wonderfully and beautifully made you are and imagine how precious you are to your creator. Nobody will fill your heart like He does. Please wait, believe and be patient. Your reward will be a peace and a joy beyond all understanding. I promise you that if you wait or if you stop having sex outside of marriage there will never be a day that you regret it.
The 25 year-old original girl in the quote at the top can’t sleep because she is so worried about getting pregnant
If like “Cat” you are happy having sex with your boyfriend, no amount of Christians telling you it is a sin is likely to change your mind.
But “25-year old girl” in the quote is NOT happy – the anxiety is is so bad you are getting insomnia.
You are committed enough to your boyfriend that you feel you have to give him sex and sex without a condom – because this is what he wants. Yet if it was left to you, you clearly would not be doing this. This raises a big question – is he as committed to you as you are to him?
If he were to ask you to marry him – would you say “yes”? You are prepared to risk unprotected sex because he is important enough to you and you want him happy and you don’t want to lose him? So if he were to ask you to marry him, would you say “Yes”?
Now comes the difficult question – if you were to ask him to marry you, would he say “yes”?
If the answer is “yes” to both questions, why not just get married? It’s what you both want, and you know that if a baby does come along, you will have the support of the institution of marriage to help keep you together as you raise this child.
But if you answer “yes” and he would answer “no” – is this relationship healthy when there are such different levels of commitment on both sides?
I just stumbled onto this site and read all these replies to the original question. A lot was really good advice. Here is my take…and you don’t know me at all but I think I have a balanced viewpoint. I was raised in the church all my life. (A really well known and highly respected one.) But have spent the majority of my professional life around everything but other christians and I still believe what I do! The teaching on abstinence by my youth pastor growing up was awesome. He was one of the few leaders that really summed it up perfectly without judgement. We all are human..we are born sexual beings and that is God’s design. He wanted us to have hot sex with our soul mate and experience all the fulfilment that could bring….Is this a fallen world? Yes. Is everybody going to wait? No. But that would be preferable for us, just to reduce the damage of being with many people. Some of us are desensitized and don’t even know the damage that has happened by giving it away to so many. It’s not a guilt thing. There are probably many churches that use that tactic but it isn’t about being guilty enough not to. It’s about wanting to save yourself the heartache and baggage later when you do finally get into marriage and then have all of that stuff back there to deal with. Plus, you have what your spouse did to deal with. I don’t know many women that are cool (Christian or not), with their husband sleeping around all of college and having one night stands. Because it is so personal to give yourself that way to someone, it hurts to know the one person you love gave it away freely and didn’t have the foresight to think of how it would affect you in the future.
Soooo, that really hit home for me. I did not want the conversation later with my husband (now married 11 years), to be a recap on all the people that got there before he did.
To Wonda: It is tough!!! I lost mine a year before my wedding after saving it into my twenties and turning down lots of hot boyfriends I could have easily slept with. I began to question Christianity too. Now, 33, looking back…it is best to wait Don’t beat yourself up if you have had sex…but realize you are worth waiting for!!! It’s God’s design to give you an amazing sex life in marriage!!! I don’t think Christians talk about it enough. BUt I really have had it both ways…before I got married to my husband (and I thought it was great) to now..where it is amazing. Stay strong!!!!!! Don’t be turned off by churchy stuff just think, this is between you and God. Pray about it and ask for strength to make the best choice: ).
Cat: Your right…marriage doesn’t prevent those things but less sex partners minimize the odds of increased STDs. Hope this helps…..
im struggling with the same thing. The whole sex before marriage thing and it confuses me alot. If we’re in love and want to get married, but cannot, because we can’t afford it and because of the nature of our jobs. What am i suppose to do? i’m only human and my flesh fails me alot.
I did not wait to get married to have sex. My first experience was when I was 15 years old. I am 42 now. I didn’t know or even try to know about God at that time. However there is a saying “IF I KNEW THEN WHAT I KNOW NOW.” The Lord has been so gracious and merciful to forgive me and allow me to be a child of God. I decided to do as God said about marriage. During my life of unmarried sex I was not happy or satisfied. It allowed the man to treat me like a $5 hooker because I gave myself to them without any hesitation and they made sure of reminding me of that. Their thing was jealousy and they cant trust me because I was easy with them. Even if I waited to have anything with them for 4 or 5 months I was still easy. And still I looked for more relationship that would respect me. I never found it until the day I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior. Those same guys that were degrading me were trying to get back with me because I was a changed woman. The Holy Spirit was shining through me however I knew those same guys that I once loved was not the man that God had planned for me. So I waited and yes now I have a wonderful man that was very patient with me because he was going through the same thing I was in relationship. He had custody of his daughter and was struggling with females that were playing an emotional game with him because he was very kind. People see kindness as weakness and they played on that with him. Well happily to say it ended as God planned it. We are together and very happy. Just wait and you will see for yourself what God has planned for you. You can not be happy right now if you are worrying about what could happen in your relationship. I don’t care what any one say you can get pregnant especially by interrupting the sex. My first child was out of wedlock and that is how we played the safe game. I love my child very much but that interrupting role did not work. Then my son which is in heaven now, he also was a broken condom baby. I truly loved him too. Then my third daughter, she was my birth control baby. I do love her too, but as you see they were unplanned babies. My feeling for them would not be different even if it was planned but now that I am trying to have a planned baby with my husband it is not successful. God works in mysterious ways and I except his will as it should be. So do what God wants you to do because that is the right thing to do. In Proverbs 31:30 tells you what God’s kind of lady you should be;
Proverbs 31:30
Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain; but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.
God made us in his image!
Genesis 1:27
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him: male and female created he them.
and last but not least you are not alone;;;;
These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation; but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.
I pray that you make the right decision that God wants you to make, not us who comments on your trial or what your partner expects from you but only what God said to do. I pray for you and your strength that you may allow God’s guidance help you make the decision that needs to be made.
Yes, if getting pregnant is your biggest concern then you have to use some form of contraceptive (we all know what they are and there are different forms).
If who you are in Christ is a concern to you I’d recommend you speaking to a woman at a local Bible teaching church. It’s easy for us all to read your comment and question and frantically type out what we know God’s Word says about sexual purity, but that’s not the council and discipleship you need. If you have given your life to Christ you are a member of “the body of Christ”. As a member we receive truth from His written Word and support and accountability from other believers. I know (from experience) it’s so hard to remain pure and say “no” when the temptation comes knocking. Knowing sex outside of marriage is sin is a start (sin is sin also) but the more you know about what God says about sex in His Word and why it’s so important and can actually be a huge blessing to you in the future are a huge part of giving you the stregnth you’ll need to please the Lord through your purity.
And, don’t worry. Obviously you’ve fallen into this sin but you are not condemned so don’t use that as an excuse to continue. God can redeem you, and wants to. There is a way out. There is a way to have a relationship with a guy that is pleasing to the Lord and possible for you to do. I’m not sure what area you live in but I know there are some great biblically sound and Bible teaching churches out there. Take advantage of that and get some sound council and encouragement. A great resource is also http://www.gotquestions.org. If you’re in the Denver area, check out http://www.milehighcalvary.com
To give you a solution without judging you morally I believe you should tell him to use it or lose it in no uncertain terms.
He mustn’t be very loving and devoted to you if you tell him how bothered and upsetting it is and he isn’t willing to use protection as a precaution and to make the experience enjoyable and not stressful for you .
He seems to be getting a whole lot more from the relationship from than he’s willing to give you and it’s not as though he won’t feel anything while using protection.
He won’t be the one to give birth , with scarring and stretch marks and breast feeding troubles and carrying a child in your womb for 9 months then forcing something the size of a football out of a keyhole !
If you aren’t planning together for children at this time then what makes you think if you get pregnant he won’t decide he’s not ready and leave you if not straight away but in 5 years or 7 or 12 and you still have a long time of being a single mother.
I wish I had waited.But back then I wasn’t a believer that I am now. Women are so much stronger now and we have a voice and a choice in how we want to be treated by the opposite sex. If you don’t want sex and he does, that tell him to leave. God has something better for you out there and sometimes you can’t receive it because of what you have in your life now. Pray about it and then pray again. You’ll get your answer. Now man is worth your dignity or relationship with God.
Just a thought…
Yes, our Father says that sex before marriage is a sin ~ for many reasons. However, though yes, you should reconsider your choice, what ever you decide, please continue to talk with Him about whats going on, what you’re thinking and thank Him for the things He has given you, from a beautiful sunrise to a great friendship etc… the mistake so many people make is to stop talking to God because we are doing something we know He disagrees with. Especially in this situation where hearts and passion are involved, its difficult,,so this is especially a time you need to be in communication. Ask Him to help you with this because you may find it too much to handle on your own. Then trust that He will help either change things and or teach you something from it. God is always a good Father. And though there are natural consequences sometimes, He always wants for our betterment.
May God bless you and help you with this issue.
A sister in Christ ~
I’m sorry about your experiences, Estrella, but marriage doesn’t prevent miscarriages or STDs.
I was a virgin till i was 22 years old when i lost it to the first serious boyfriend i had ever had.I knew it was a mistake and i tried to stop it but i couldnt…a miscarraige later and an std gave me the strength to say NO!! no man is worth your body untill he has asked your father in heaven for the permission to make you a wife and the permission of the parents involved.sex outside marraige is like a portal opened before its time to the wrong place.you get sucked in and exposed to all kinds of elements that hurt you…it costs you a lot of things…your respect,your dignity but most of all,your relationship with God…ask God for the strength to say no and remain chaste.
Sex before marriage is a sin, indeed among thousands of other sins we committ each and every day. God gave us free will and while many of us may choose the will of Satan (which is sin) it is at our own discetion. It’s absurd to teach abstinence only in a world where children are having sex earlier and younger every day. Realistically, we can teach abstinence but we should also teach our children their options so that they will be safe in have all the facts to make the right decision.
When you tell a child, NO, NO, NO… the child is only going to become more curious about the NO. We are getting closer and closer to the end of times, we need to keep oour children safe from sin but we should also keep our children safe from AIDS and HIV, pregnancy and other faucets of making the “wrong decisions.”
For people who believe in sin, that’s fine. But it can be the kind of sin that stays between you and your consenting partner and your supreme being(s) of choice, or it can be the kind of sin that gets foisted onto a child, too. A child who didn’t consent, but will still have to spend their entire lives living with the consequences of being unwanted.
I was a twenty-eight-year-old virgin too. Not for religious reasons, but because I was–still basically am–asexual. I just found someone worth making an exception for. But heck, if even I ended up having sex, I don’t think someone who is actually interested in sex can be expected to do without it, no matter how guilty they’re conditioned to feel about it.
I agree…sex b4 marrage is a sin.
In response to Cat, … I would like to gently disagree – Christianity, at its base, is following in the footsteps of Jesus, who chose right living in order to please His Father. Christianity is not based on ‘treating’ failures, (though they are bound to happen because of our sinful nature) and always playing catch-up, but on choosing what the Lord considers right, and gaining His blessing in doing so. And sex within the blessing of marriage is one of God’s greatest designs. I hope this helps.
Sincerely,
A 28 year old virgin, waiting patiently upon the Lord for His blessing of marriage.
There are other methods besides condoms, though. Using a condom in conjunction with another barrier method is the most effective, but heck, just about anything is far more effective than nothing. (Just don’t bother with sponges; they have a crazy high failure rate.) Ask a doctor, or pop into a women’s clinic if there’s one around you.
It always amazes me that Christian sites say the only way to protect yourself is to be abstinent. I mean, isn’t all of Christianity based on the failure of abstinence to prevent pregnancy?