How do I end an affair?
How do I end an affair? How can I refrain from thinking about him? How do I put my suffering to an end because he has a wife?
Advice: First, think about the things you have to face everyday in your marriage and family. Make a list of them. The list might include items such as finances, children education, interactions between the two families, nature and characters of the two of you, ways of communication, habits, and household chores, etc. After jotting them down, think about this list in the context of your affair. Do you anticipate to wrestle with these issues with the one you are having an affair? Life might be easy when the two of you just date, go to movies or have a little chat. Wasn’t that precisely what you and your husband enjoyed prior to getting married?
Is it really better for you to end up being with the person you are having an affair?
When you are having an affair, you are in a different circumstance. Thus, you can not compare the affair with your marriage. It will be unfair to your husband because it is very subjective to think the person you are having an affair with is better than your husband. In addition, that person also has his own family. The fact that he is enjoying the affair with you suggests that he is neglecting his responsibility in his own marriage. Let me wager that he would say things like you understand him better than his wife and he is more comfortable spending the time with you and wishes he had known you earlier.
Looking back, your burden of domestic matters has alienated you from your husband. In essence, the two of you do not have extra energies to renew the relationship from your first date. Gradually, the relationship suffered. Love changed to grace. Ingredients of commitment and responsibility outweigh those of romantic anticipation in your relationship. Do you realize even if you succeed in ending your marriage and marrying the person you are having an affair with, you are still going to tackle the exact same problems in addition to more challenges with his family? When you were confronted with these domestic matters in your new marriage, the two of you would go down the same path just like what you had done before. Are you going to start another affair?
Communication problem
You did not talk about your husband in your correspondence but I am sure that you must have loved each other and made commitment to a long endured relationship. That’s why you got married, isn’t it? Hence, I want to help you examine what went wrong in your marriage all these years. If your husband does not addict to gambling or alcohol, or he does not commit domestic violence, or he is not having an affair himself, or he fulfills his responsibility of being a father, then there are communication problems in your marriage. Maybe the two of you are too occupied to communicate and slowly grow apart. As a result, you attain different likes and dislikes. Your marriage suffered. Not only that, the relationship of mutual assistance becomes antagonistic. The hostile environment in your family certainly does not function as a loving home.
Renew the relationship with your husband just like when you first fell in love with him
By now, you must be smart enough to know what to do. Renew the relationship with your husband just like when you first fell in love with him. Doing that will help you rely on each other. You need to take the initiative to create the opportunity and nourish the relationship. Men are usually more focused on their career than the relationship. They long to have a gracious wife so that he worries less at home. This is universal to all men. If he spends all his time paying attention to what you like and dislike, he would have less energies for his career. Therefore, do not expect him to know your needs but instead take the steps to care for him.
Accept him with wholeheartedness
If you concur my analysis above, you have to admit you bear partial responsibility. Try to arrange for an out-dining romantic candle-light dinner or a date just between the two of you. If you are a Christian, I suggest that you accept him with wholeheartedness by the power of God. If you feel comfortable interacting with sisters and brothers at church, surely you will have the potential to interact with your husband because you have a much deeper and more intimate relationship with him. Maybe it is a calling from God to lead him to Christ. You may say it is a difficult task. Yet if you don’t try it, how would you know it is not possible? In addition, with the presence of God, He will provide you with wisdom and patience to learn how to interact with your husband.
I want to share with you how the Bible teaches about being a wife. There are two verses from the Book of 1st Peter in the New Testament. 1st Peter 3:1-2 says, “Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the Word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.” I encourage you to love and care for your husband wholeheartedly so that he will respond with his love for you by the outpour of your virtue and will share with you all his problems, frustration and happiness. When he is communicating with you, be sure to accept him, encourage him and support him, with faith.
Improve the relationship with your husband
I encourage you to give yourself some time to improve the relationship with your husband. It is hard to start a family. Additionally, your children need the love of both parents when they grow up in order to develop a perfect character. If your children witness the sacrifice you dedicate to the family, they will in turn take on a better spiritual path because they also experience the grace of God. I know this is not easy but I encourage you to give it a try with the power of God. The tougher our life is, the more we need to depend on our Lord. I will pray for you. I have a few friends who went through the same as you did. They waited with tolerance and patience and reaped the fruit. You fulfill what you need to do and put the rest in the hand of God. God never procrastinate.
