The Friendship Mirror
Why is it we are drawn to some people more than others? What makes us want to maintain a friendship? Friendship can be a life-line. Connecting with like minded people who genuinely care about one another is a gift we take for granted all too often.
Friends are people we feel good with.
Some make us laugh, some hear us out and really listen to our hearts, others support us when the going is tough and still others just hang with us when we need down time.
A true friend holds up a mirror in which we see ourselves.
They are the ones who show us our strengths when all we see is weakness; they point out our good character traits, like courage and loyalty, when we are down on ourselves. They remind us of past accomplishments and spur us on in our future. They build into our lives and we are richer for having spent time with them. We come away with a stronger sense of “self” because we have been together.
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Be mindful of the mirror you hold up for your friends. Do you reflect back to them the goodness you find in their hearts and in their character?
It’s popular today to be sarcastic and even mean in our comments with one another. It’s all said in the “I was only joking” way. Yet when we come away from times with friends and admit that their words cut and hurt we need to evaluate our friendships. A true friend can joke and laugh with you but the tone changes when they laugh at you. The reflection they hold up to you is negative and it leaves a bad taste in your mouth. You come away with a lesser sense of “self”. People who leave you with this reflection are not true friends.
Be a relationship builder
Think about the reflection you hold up to those close to you. How do they feel after an interaction with you? Be intentional about reflecting back their strength of character. Be gentle when honesty requires a hard look at something in another’s life. Be conscious of building people in a way that challenges them to continue moving forward in their lives.
Remember that words make up only 7% of your communication. Be aware of the tone and body language you are sharing with those you care about. It communicates loud and clear!
Be intentional about surrounding yourself with friends who are truly friends and not ones who actually tear you down all in the name of fun.
Lasting impressions
Over the course of time people will seldom remember what you said but they will always remember how you made them feel.
Evaluate your friendships. Nurture those that build into your life. Seek out ways to build into the lives of those you care about.
- Listen well and pay attention to the feelings behind the words.
- Respect different points of view. Remember every issue has two sides just as every coin does.
- Never betray trust. Hold confidences with care.
- Never manipulate by being intentionally controlling, needy or weak.
- Deal with conflict. Left to simmer it will boil over and do damage.
- Cultivate warmth and caring.
Did you know you are invited into a friendship with God? It is the ultimate friendship that can literally change your life! How do you start this friendship?
- First you acknowledge your need of God
“Lord, I have lived my life with very little thought of you. Forgive me for my independent and stubborn ways. I need you in my life.”
- Invite Him to walk with you
“Today I invite you to come into my life and to walk with me. I need your guidance and your help.”
- Thank him for being there for you.
“I only barely understand that Jesus died for me and rose to life again yet I know it is significant in my knowing you. Thank you for reaching out to connect with me today. Thank you that you will never leave me. Find some help on your spiritual journey. “Lord, help me to grow in understanding this faith step I have taken today. Thank you that have opened this door of friendship to me. Lead me as I follow you. Amen.
This was a very good article. I find personally as a Christian, it is better to build long-lasting friendships with other strong christians. At the moment, I have been reading, “Surviving in an Angry World, written by Charles F. Stanley”. In his book he points out how to deal with personal conflict and conflict with deal with others in our lives with a biblical standpoint.
Hi Charlie, I am sorry for some of the hurtful comments that have come at you. This site is supposed to be a safe place for people to share their questions but some people do not abide by our guidelines.
I know it is hard to lose good friends. Finding people you can trust and confide in is hard and when you lose them it can be devastating. However, you need to understand that your friend’s marriage is more important than your friendship with him. If he needs to have space from you in order to honour his wife you need to respect that. It is so unfortunate that it comes at a time in your life when you need the support of a good friend but that still does not override his need to care for his wife.
I would suggest that you sever all communication and contact with him. Find other friends with whom you can develop a supportive relationship. Let me invite you to connect with one of our online mentors who you will find to be great caring people who you can talk to about questions and struggles you have (just fill out the Mentor Request Form at http://powertochange.com/experience/talk-to-a-mentor and one of our mentors will contact you by email.) But give your friend the space he has asked for. If you do there may be opportunity in the future that he will re-establish that friendship but if you continue to push now I can guarantee that friendship will be lost forever.
Charlie,
I believe that what you did is wrong. You should not be sending emails stating things like LMFAO. It sounds like you are obviously trying to cause trouble by doing so. You are bitter and are trying to ruin someone elses marrage because your own is ruined. If your “friend” stated that he doesn’t want to speak to you then leave him in peace. Stop messing with other peoples lives and get on with your own. I would suggest also that you seek some counselling from a professional.
I need help, I’m confused and hurt! I’m a 29 year old female with two kids that just now file for a divorce, before our divorce I always call my childhood friend (married man now) for advice cause he’s always good at that, he’s the type of friend you can count on in the past, I feel happy whenever I talked to him, sometimes when we don’t talk about how my husband always cheats on me we talked like we were back at High School we call each other nick names than we have a good laugh and that always helps me through my divorce. Just recently his wife broke our friendship and it really upsets & hurt me. I always call him at least 4 times a week just to talk and he calls me too just to ask how I was doing, we text each other all the time and it was not a problem until his wife replied to my text “don’t u ever send my husband stupid smiley faces again” from his cell phone. I was so shocked so I send him a FaceBook msm asking him why his wife was upset with me, minutes later I got a msm back from Facebook it was her saying that “you need to go see a therapist for advice, quit telling my husband how your man cheat on you and how he mistreated you, we got our own problems to deal with & I’m so sick of him telling me how bad is your stupid marriage….and yes he’s next to me he knows what I’m doing your not the first female friend of his I did this to….stop sharing your drama” I cried and cried I don’t believe my best friend was there, he’s not the type that would just sit back and let something like this to happen… so I send him an email saying “please let me know your ok” he called me later that day saying I need to stop sending him emails and I need to stop trying to contact him cause his wife is accusing him of cheating & that she’s going to take their kids away from him and divorce him so he deleted his Facebook same day. I don’t want to lose a good-friend like him since he’s the only one that listens & understand me at my time of need. I send his wife a FB msm telling her that were just friends and I apologize to her for not adding her to my friends on FB also, I told her that her husband told me its not a good idea cause she’s very jealous, I tried my best to be nice to her by telling her that her husband always talked about her and their kids I tried to fix our friendship through her but she’s replied with a hateful msm back, she refused to get along with me she said its too late for that, she said she gave me over 3 years for me to add her as a friend and that she knows I talked to her husband but now she’s not ok with it anymore. Her husband called me again telling me that the reason he wants to end our friendship its because my husband send his wife a msm about him and I, he told me he wanted to know who he is and why his wife talked to him a lot, he also said he don’t want me or my husband to contact his wife or him trying to explain anything. I called my husband and ask him why he contact her and he denied everything, I hacked into his Facebook and found his conversation with her but its ALL HER she told him to tell his ugly wife to keep our divorce to ourselves she was very rude. I send my friend an email again so I copied all my husband & her conversations and paste it on the email, I want him to know the TRUTH that his wife is crazy she’s making stuff up to break our friendship, after few minutes I send it I got an email back, I kew it was her cause she cuss me out with a lot of hateful words, I was laughing at her for getting busted so I send his email a reply back ”LMAO” seconds later my best friend called my cell, I was so confused cause he was so angry at me, he cuss me out & he didn’t even give me the chance to talk, he act like a total different person he was yelling at me, I ask him did he read the email from me? he said “yes I read your f@#$$#@ email thats why I’m calling you right now, he said that I ruin his marriage by trying to explain the situation than he hangs up. I was shocked and so sick to my stomach that I cried and cried that day I was confused I didn’t do anything wrong I don’t understand why he’s so angry at me why he disrespected me why he just end our friendship like its nothing, please help me I don’t know what to do, I want to fix it but I don’t know what else to do I know in my heart he doesn’t mean the bad words he said to me I know he’s a great man I really want our friendship to continue…please help
good article gooe words to live by i try to be friends with people, to listen and be a friend to them
So true and encouraging.