A Healthy Self-Esteem Can Empower You

Written by K Schenk

Letting go of my children has always been difficult for me. I often fear the unknown. Each time one of my children encounters a new stage, I am confronted by a sense of inadequacy.

When my children reached the age where others began to influence them, I knew that my self-esteem needed to be in check. Suddenly my children’s lives weren’t all about what my husband and I wanted them to know. Our children were faced with choices.

My role became that of guide and teacher. I had to show them how to make their own decisions and teach them that the choices they make have consequences. I could do this only if I maintained a healthy self-esteem, realizing that their choices, good or not-so-good, didn’t determine my own sense of worth.

It’s all too easy for us, immersed in the task of mothering, to tie our identity and our value to our children. We meet their needs and feel needed. We encourage their successes and feel successful. They make wrong choices and we put all the blame on ourselves.

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In doing this, our self-esteem bobs up and down, rather than being anchored in something deeper. And that’s not good for us, or for our children. One of the greatest gifts we can give our kids is a healthy self-confidence in themselves and a model of healthy self-esteem in us.

So how do we maintain a healthy self-esteem? Part of the answer came to me when I realized that I can either allow feelings of inadequacy to cripple me, or I can face my inner fears and embrace the changes before me.

I also realized that self-esteem must be nurtured - all the more so when we are nurturing a family. Here are seven intentional ways I’ve found to cultivate a healthy self-esteem:

Maintain strong relationships. Healthy relationships with your spouse, children, friends and family develop your self-esteem. These influencers in your life can serve as mentors and help you build into your children’s lives. Define healthy boundaries as you nurture your relationships.
Personal development. Often the last person a mother makes time for is for herself. Book time for fitness, reading, relaxing, hobbies and personal growth. As you make time for yourself, you will have more to give to your children.
Life management. With everyone going in so many different directions, chaos can easily erupt! Mom is often at the center of it. Establish a system that creates order. Let each person know what is expected of them and when it needs to be done. A little planning ahead and sharing of responsibilities can create a smoothly-run household which will help you feel good about yourself, and helps everyone make the most of their time.
Develop significance. Whether you work in the home or outside of it, it is easy to lose perspective and begin to feel as though you have little significance. Developing a sense of significance is something that you have to work on continually. Each season of life brings new needs with it. Look for ways that you can be involved in an area of you are passionate about. Your involvement may be simple or extensive, but being part of something that changes lives will influence how you see yourself.
Develop your dreams and passions. Dreams have the power to change the world. As Moms we are often so busy looking after the needs of those around us, that we see our dreams as childhood memories. Take time to reflect on those things that you used to hope for and begin to plan steps towards seeing these dreams become reality.
Take time for fun and laughter. Few things will make you feel better about yourself than a little fun laughter. Your family will smile with you as you take time to play and laugh with them (regardless of their ages). Go on spontaneous outings, try activities that are out-of-character for you.
Allow God to empower you as a mother. God cares deeply about you and your children. He wants to give you the strength you need to face your circumstances and the hope to face the future. If you are feeling alone or overwhelmed, it doesn’t have top be that way. It doesn’t have to be that way. God loves you and wants you to have a relationship with Him. You can have the love and acceptance you are looking for in a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. Here’s a suggested prayer:

Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Saviour and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of woman you want me to be. Amen.

If this prayer expresses the desire of your heart, pray it right now and Christ will come into your life as He promised. If you invited Jesus Christ into your life, thank God often that He is in your life, that He will never leave you and that you have eternal life. As you learn more about your relationship with God, and how much He loves you, you’ll experience life to the fullest.