What happens to the soul after suicide?
What happens to one’s soul/spirit after suicide?I recently had a close friend commit suicide and I am so worried that she will still not be at peace with herself. She had an anxiety disorder due to a troubled childhood and although she loved life, her friends, and her family, she just could not be independent as she could not relax.
We struggled together with this for so long. She was a creative and loving individual who had traveled much and lived away from us for a few years, so she had known independence. She feared for her sanity – she explained to me that she wanted to die because she actually did love herself and the constant thoughts going through her head would eventually turn into madness. I dearly love her and couldn’t bear to think that she will eternally go through this struggle. I am searching within myself to find meaning in my loss.
Advice: It’s obvious that you were and are a very close and loving friend. You have suffered with your friend right up to the end and beyond. You cared about her welfare, her emotional and spiritual state. But, now this tragedy has occurred and no matter what you or anyone tried to do – she has passed into eternity.
First of all, I want to tell you that your friend’s suicide and death was not anyone’s fault. Her suicide was the result of her choice and her psychological instability. Don’t let false guilt and self-blame take over. You and others tried to help. But, this woman is the one who made the choice despite all your pleadings and intervention.
Secondly, you need to grieve your friend’s death. You will go through several stages of loss: shock and denial, protest and dealing with the reality of her death, anger, confusion, depression and finally, reorganization. It’s normal to grieve. It’s important to care for yourself. You may need counseling. Go to your pastor for prayer and support. Read your Bible, especially the Psalms and the gospel of John. Jesus talks about God’s love for you and for the world, His plan to give you eternal life (John 3:16) and abundant life (John 10:10). Scripture will bring you comfort and hope for the future – hope for eternity.
The Bible does have stories about people who committed suicide but, it doesn’t talk about where their souls went – to heaven or to hell. But, Jesus promised: “I am the resurrection and the life – he who believes in me though he may die – yet shall he live.” John 11:25 If your friend trusted in Christ as her Lord and Savior – she is in heaven today. How do I know? Because Jesus said “I am the way, the truth and the life. No man comes to the Father but by me.” John 14:6
Jesus claimed to be God, to speak the truth and the words of God. He died on the cross for the sins of the whole world and then, rose from the dead on the their day. Over 500 witnesses saw the resurrected Christ!
Because of these facts – you can have great hope for the future! You can trust that Christ loved your friend greatly and will judge her justly.
Suicide is a devastating experience to those who loved its victim. Suicide happens because the person is so depressed and has not received the appropriate treatment – mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually.
But, suicide, though a sin, can be forgiven – at the foot of the cross where all sin is wiped away when one believes in the Savior who sacrificed Himself to redeem the world.
You will never feel comfortable with what happened. A life was lost. But, you can trust that God can bring good out of this circumstance. God can become more personal to you in this time of suffering. God can give you courage and make you a person of character with strong values. God can demonstrate His love and comfort to you during your pain. God can give you more wisdom to help others who have suffered.
This world is a broken place – a place that is not our home. We are just passing through. Your friend could not stand the emotional and mental turmoil she experienced. But, you can. You and God can go on.
She ended her stay on earth and God allowed her to do it. He did not cause her to do it because He is not the author of evil. He does allow people to make choices which are against His will. But, you can find hope and courage to discover God’s will for your earthly life. You can leave a legacy that will give others hope for tomorrow and for eternity.
If you find you are depressed and anxious because of this – see a counselor.
You can find a counselor. God bless you as you discover what He has in store for you even in the midst of this loss.
Take a look at your life. How would you describe it? Contented? Rushed? Exciting? Stressful? Moving forward? Holding back? For many of us it’s all of the above at times. There are things we dream of doing one day, there are things we wish we could forget. In the Bible, it says that Jesus came to make all things new.
If you are looking for peace, there is a way to balance your life. No one can be perfect, or have a perfect life. But every one of us has the opportunity to experience perfect grace through a personal relationship with God through His Son, Jesus Christ.
You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. Here’s a suggested prayer:
Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Savior and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of person you want me to be.
Does this prayer express the desire of your heart? You can pray it right now, and Jesus Christ will come into your life, just as He promised.
Is this the life for you?
If you invited Christ into your life, thank God often that He is in your life, that He will never leave you and that you have eternal life. As you learn more about your relationship with God, and how much He loves you, you’ll experience life to the fullest.
Read more about faith
Read more about depression, anxiety, fear, suicide and spiritual questions
Read about grieving
Lynette Hoy, NCC, LCPC
© copyright 2003 Lynette Hoy, NCC, LCPC
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Hi Jam,
That must be really hard living in a new country. It sounds like you don’t have much of a support system which makes this harder. So, how do we go about getting you some support? Everything is harder when you’re alone – as I’m sure you know. Did you try asking for a mentor? It can take a couple of days for them to respond but I think that would be one more person in the world is actively trying to help you and praying for you.
I think it was very brave of you to go to the school counsellor. I wish they had been more helpful. Do you go to church? Is there anyone there who could help you? Do you know if there are suicide prevention resources in your city? Many places have them. Do you speak the language in the country where you are?
Your brother is wrong about you having no will. You might have been living as if you were a puppet but that was only because you felt you had no choice, not because you had no will. In everything that you’ve told me so far, I see a fighter, I see someone who wants to live, who wants to feel better, who wants to sort out who he is and where to go from there. Don’t give up on yourself. You have the most important thing already – you have the will to find a life that’s better.
Do you know how long you will be in this new country? Will you be going back home at some point or is this a permanent move? If it’s temporary, then it won’t be like this forever. If it’s permanent then you’re going to need to build a life for yourself in this new place. I know that it’s hard, and it can be scary, but you can do it. You mentioned that you rarely go outside. Is the place you are living somewhere where it’s safe for you to be outside? If it is, then try this: sometime today, or as soon as you can, take a 5 minute walk in your neighbourhood and look for one thing that is beautiful and one thing that is ugly. Come back here and tell me about them. It can be really overwhelming to be somewhere new, especially if it’s somewhere you didn’t want to be, but there are good aspects to almost everywhere if you look for them. Sometimes something as small as one beautiful thing can help you start to see other things that you did not notice before.
I don’t know how you felt when you found out that you were moving. I’d probably be pretty scared and mad and maybe upset. If this new place isn’t where you want to be it can be easy to tell yourself that there’s nothing good here. It can be tempting to not try to find anything good because you just don’t want to be there. But I bet there are good things there. I bet you can find them.
If I had to guess, I’d guess that the biggest issue is not what’s going on around you, it’s what’s going on inside your head. Not knowing who you are, or wondering if you even like who you are can be really, really scary. (Trust me on this. You can read my story here.) I wish there was something I could say that would make all the confusing thoughts in your head make sense. I think it will take time. Part of the process of growing up is figuring out who you are. You’re confused, a lot of people your age are. It’s not always a confusion about sex, it can be a confusion about faith, or school, or what sort of life you want to have. Being 18 is hard because you’re starting to get responsibilities but you don’t have the experience to know the best ways to choose wisely. In time, you’ll see how things work out and you’ll be better able to see what you want. In the short term, it’s a lot of trial and error trying to figure that out.
It must be really scary feeling like you have to hide a part of yourself from everyone. It can be tempting to think that if you end your life it will be easier, but i don’t believe that’s true. If you were to die tomorrow you’d never get to see how great it feels to be 25 or 41 or 87. You’re just getting started. This is the hardest part. The Trevor Project rel=”nofollow”> has a lot of resources for teens who are questioning their sexuality and are considering suicide. If you read through some of the info there you’ll see that you are not alone. It says that teens who have questions about their sexuality are 4 times more likely to consider suicide. I don’t know if that helps, but there are a lot of people just like you, and a lot of adults who are so glad that they did not go through with their plans to end their lives.
You talked about their being no way out. That’s not true. I know it feels that way, but it’s not true. Time – time is your escape hatch. Make it through this next little while and the whole game changes. You’ll have the freedom to live the way you want to, to decide for yourself. Don’t rob yourself of your own future. I know you’re tired and I know that every day feels like a battle. It’s not easy. But it doesn’t have to be fatal.
You asked if God made all people equal- I believe that he did. I know that we need to respect our parents, especially when we are living in their house, but I do think that you should be allowed to ask questions. Would you be able to talk to your Mom when neither of you are upset and ask your questions then? Is there another family member you would feel comfortable talking to? I did a little research and found a site Befrienders Worldwide that has access to suicide prevention counsellors in every country in the world. See if your country is on the list and they might be able to help.
The main thing is this: you might feel like you don’t have a choice, but you do. The choice to live is yours and yours alone. No one else can take that from you. Death is a terrible final chapter to a life that is just getting started. We call it a tragedy when young people die because so much of life was still in front of them. A friend of mine was 19 when she died of complications from Cystic Fibrosis. The doctors had worked her entire life to try and save her but the disease destroyed her lungs and the could not save her. I remember sitting in the church as the pastor spoke at her funeral and thinking how unfair it was that she was never going to get to do the things I do every day.
Don’t break your own heart Jam. Don’t be the one who takes your dreams away. You have the will to do this. I think that you know yourself better than you realize you just haven’t figured out what to do about it yet. That will come in time. What was the future that you used to dream of? What did that look like?
Dear Claire,
I appreciate the time and effort you’ve put into this message.I really appreciate it. Yes we do have a ”student counselor” in our school, but they only tell me the things I already know. Sometimes, I think they don’t even pay attention , because for them I’m just one of ”those” kids. I’ve went to the guidance counselor a couple of times, telling them there’s really something wrong with me. I’ve tried to change my way of thinking to a point in where, I’ve mind raped myself. Pushing that I’m ”normal”, but what is normal? Adults telling me things, that I already know, I know that there’s something in life, I know that I can’t change and choose who I love. I’ve done research and I’ve done several of searching. Trying to ”cure” my insanity. For I no longer hold the future that I used to dream of. I’ve always hid the fact that I liked the same sex. I thought maybe if I could ”correct” my way of thinking things would be better that way. For zen once said ” What you think is what you are”. That’s why ,I’ve been struggling on changing and hiding. Due to my childhood , I was ought to obey my parents at all times because that was written on the bible. My mom and I had a fight before and when I talked back to her she told me I had no rights to do so , for I am only her child. I do not need to ask question. It hit me then, I thought, how can that be even plausible? Didn’t GOD made all human the equal? didn’t he say that there are no illegitimate children only illegitimate parents? Does anyone of you believe that a young being like me, have no right to decide for my future? Have I no soul? Am I not an individual? All of this question and things are all in my head. My head is full of doubt.From Depression comes another. I have yet to fully understand how to live life. I do not live in the states, me and my parents are travelling due to work,so I am currently in a country that I don’t not know off. I even rarely go outside. I get comments from my brother that I had no will, he said I was like a living puppet. He didn’t have to tell me, I already know, and I know somehow that there’s no way out..
Jam,
I have tears in my eyes after reading your comment. Let me say this first, it gets better. It really does. (There’s a campaign online with that as its tagline, with videos from adults all over the world who struggled as teens and have found that by sticking around, it gets better.) I have not stood exactly where you are standing, but I do know what it feels like to think that suicide is the best option. It’s not. You are not who your parents say you are, you are who YOU say you are, you are who GOD says you are. And this is what God says about you: He says that you are loved and cherished, that your life has a purpose. He says that you are so valuable he would do anything for you, he sacrificed for you. You matter and we need you here.
It is incredibly hard to be compared to a standard you cannot attain – you will never be your brother, you can only be yourself. Right now this life at home is the only life you’ve ever known, but here’s the truth of it: you only spend a fifth of your life living at home with your parents. When you’re a little older and you go away to school or you move out and get a job and your own place then you’ll have the right and the power to determine your own life. You will be able to take control, but only if you’re here to take it. You need to honour your parents, you need to be a good son and from what you’ve said here you ARE doing that. You won’t have to live with them forever.
You mentioned asking for clinical help and your Mom saying that you didn’t need it. I have not met you, and I am not a doctor so I cannot diagnose you, but if you think you need help my advice would be to see what you can do to get it. If your Mom won’t take you is there a way to get help without her? Is there a clinic in your city? A youth center? Is there a hospital you could go to? Are you insured? You are 18 which means that legally you can make your own choices. Is there a counsellor at your high school that you could talk to? It is incredible brave of you to ask for help. So many people are too scared to do that. But you did. You were brave. You fought for yourself. Keep fighting for yourself. Find someone who can help. You are strong enough to do this, look you’ve asked for help again here. I think that means that you want to get better, you want to live. And you can. LIVE.
Depression is not weakness, it’s a medical condition and there are doctors who should be able to help. You sound like you’re feeling like you can’t handle this on your own, you don’t have to handle it alone. Depression is not something you can snap out of, or just cheer up, or “think positive” until it goes away. Depression affects the chemistry of your brain, and with the right medical help you can get better.
You mentioned having questions about your sexuality. Remember that no matter what you are, or who you are attracted to, that does not make you any less valuable as a person. If this is not something you can talk to your parents about, see if you can find someone else. Talking it through might help you sort out what you are thinking and feeling, but it needs to be with someone who is safe and trustworthy. The counsellor at your school is probably the best person to start with to try and find someone. I know that you are not the person in your high school who has wondered about this. They train high school counsellors to deal with this, they should be able to help.
So what do you do right now, today? If you feel that you might be a danger to yourself, do not delay but phone a suicide hotline immeditaly. I-800-SUICIDE works anywhere in the US and western Canada. If you live somewhere else, there are additional resources here.
Second, see if there is a counsellor at your school or a clinic in your area that can get you the help you need. Also, I’d suggest that you request a mentor here on this site. We have people who respond to readers who are suicidal. All you need to do is fill out this form to request a mentor. It doesn’t cost anything. The mentor will send you an email which is kept private and you can keep talking as long as you like.
Lastly, please don’t kill yourself. I don’t know if it means much coming form a stranger, but please don’t. You are right on the edge of such a fantastic time of life. You are becoming an adult, choosing who you want to be, making decisions about your future. There are such good things ahead and if you do this now, you won’t get to see any of them. I know that you are in pain and I know that you have been fighting so hard to make this better. Fight just a little longer. Fight long enough to get the help you need so you’re not fighting alone. You can do this. You can. There is a whole world to explore and people to meet, victories to celebrate, maybe even kids to meet one day. I know it feels so far away right now, but it’s not.
I remember what it felt like when I was sure that I did not have the strength to face another day. I am incredibly thankful that I did not follow through on my plans back then. It got so much better, and it continues to get better. There are still days when I am sad, or I feel alone or weak or like there’s a mountain in front of me that I cannot climb, but I have tools now, things I can do when I start thinking or feeling that way. I have people I go to, I have places that are safe for me, I have little rituals that help, and I pray. I know now that I am not alone even when it sometimes feels like I am. You’ll get there. You will. There is so much more to life than suffering, I promise.
Dear Jam,
My heart goes out to you. You are so young and in a lot of pain. We offer free and confidential mentoring, can I pass on your request to one our mentors that can walk with you through this journey. Please do not do anything to yourself. There is so much more to life than what you are going through.
Leah