I ask you to be there for Jam. Help her as she walks through this storm. We know the Sun/SON always comes out after the rain and once more all things are bright again. We know that while going through it this is never easy at all so help bring peace to her soul knowing you are with her no matter what and she has friends and brothers and sisters in “‘Christ who care very much!” Thank you Jesus for the love you have for us always and the love we can give to our children. We love them so much and we know you love all of us even more than that! Thank you in Jesus name, Amen

It sounds like you have done everything you possibly could to try and begin to do the work of earning back his trust and he is either unable or unwilling to begin that process. He may have very good reasons for wanting to stay in this angry phase but it is hurting him as well as you, and I would guess, the children as well. Do you know if there is any possibility of him agreeing to go to marital counselling with you? I don’t know if he just needs a place to get his anger out, I don’t know if he can’t get past the feeling of betrayal or if something else altogether is dictating his choices, but in his attempt to hurt you he is hurting himself as well. Some people enjoy the feeling of having the upper hand, even at the cost of their own happiness, but it’s a very damaging position to hold on to long term.

I absolutely believe that it is possible for your marriage to be restored. It may take a miracle, but God is a miracle-working God. He is FOR your marriage, not against it. If you have confessed the affair to God and asked for forgiveness then He has forgiven you. I am sure that you are already praying for your husband, I would encourage you to pray even more. Ask God for a miracle in his heart. Ask God to help your husband let go of his hurt. Yes, he has every right to be hurt, but if he chooses to live hurt for the rest of his life it comes at an incredibly high cost.

But that’s enough about him, you’re in this too. First, if you feel that you are a danger to your own life please call 1 800 SUICIDE. They have trained suicide counsellors who can help you any time of the day or night. I often hear people talking about suicide being a permanent solution blah blah blah and for me personally it makes me want to punch things. I much prefer this definition of suicide because it sounds like what I was feeling when I became convinced that it was my only choice: Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain. You are in a lot of pain so to help you choose life we need to find a way to either a) reduce your pain or b) increase your resources for coping with pain.

I’m guessing that you have already run the gamut with your doctor on pain management strategies. Is there anything else you can do to reduce your stress which might help reduce your pain? Is there a hot tub at your local pool that is accessible to you? Can you get outside? Do you have favourite music? A favourite food? A place you can go to with a pretty view? Find something that you enjoy and schedule it into your week, or even your day as rigidly as if it was one of your medications.

Consider increasing whichever of the spiritual disciplines resonates best with your heart. If you’re praying, pray more. If it’s reading the Bible that brings you close to God, do that more. Look for a specific study that can help. Deepening your spiritual life can help you handle pain. Ask others to pray for you. Are you part of a church community? They might have resources that can help. If you’re stuck in the house and can’t get to church, look for places online where you can be part of a Christian community. (Our chat room is a great place to start.)

I’m not sure how mobile you are if you’re not able to drive, but if it’s possible consider meeting with a pastor or counsellor for some counselling. You can get marital counselling on your own if your husband is not interested in coming with you. A counsellor can also help you as you walk through this challenging time. You are dealing with a great deal of emotional trauma and a counsellor can help you with that. You do not have any control over your husband’s thoughts, feelings or actions and you are not responsible for his thoughts, feelings or action. Read that last part again. You are NOT responsible for his thoughts, feelings and actions. Yes you were unfaithful but that makes you responsible for your actions, not his. If he is blaming his feelings and actions on your behaviour, you do not, you cannot accept that responsibility. He is choosing to feel that way and choosing to act that way. Yes, your actions have a direct impact on his life but only he can determine his own reactions, how long he holds on to those feelings. He is in control of his thought life and he cannot put that on you.

Let me pray for you right now:

Father, I’m here on behalf of Lost today. She is in so much pain right now. I know that You see her. I know that you are “a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief”. You know what pain like that feels like and I pray that you would bring her relief. See her in her circumstances and move to change them. You see her husband and You know how much her affair hurt him. You see her heart and know how deeply and truly she has repented of that affair. I pray for a miracle. I ask you to soften her husband’s heart, crack the hard shell he has put around it and make him willing to start walking back toward his wife rather than standing with his back to her. I pray for their family, that they can be a family again. I pray for the children that they would feel their parent’s love toward them and that they would be protected from the hurts that are flying around their home.

I pray for hope for Lost. She needs to see You, she needs to hear You. She needs to be reminded that You love her and see her and have a plan for her life. Give her hope. She is in a long, dark tunnel. I pray that this would only be a season and that a shard of sunlight would start to pierce her darkness. Show her that there are good days ahead and that the hard work it will take to get there is worth it. Teach her to value her life as You value it. Show her that she is beautiful in Your sight. I can only imagine how hard a day like Mother’s Day must have been when her husband has no kind words for her. Mend her heart. Show her that she is more than the sum of her mistakes, she is beloved and valued and needed and special. Reveal Yourself to her today she needs you desperately. Give her reasons to live I pray. In your name, Amen

My heart goes out to you because I understand your pain. I had gone through some very difficult times as well and thought the same as you are currently thinking. I thought everyone else…my husband, children, friends…would be better off without me and I prayed to God not to let me see another day. However, He decided to sustain me through the tough times and now being on the other side of it life is a bit better. Not perfect….but better!

Please reach out for help either through one of our mentors or a pastor at your church. Both of these avenues helped me out in my darkest hours and I am cetain they will help you too! God has you alive for a good reason. Don’t allow what you don’t have to hinder what you do have.

If I was there, I would give you a hug. If I was there I would offer you encouragment. If I was there I would aid you in your suffering. But I am not there BUT God is there with you. I pray that you will reach out and accept help from those God will bring to your aid. I pray in time to come you will report back to us with the marvelous work HE has done in and through you.

Lost, God Loves You and so do your children and other family members.

Yes, I am keenly aware of the “your children will pay even a higher price if you aren’t here for them”…but as damaged as I am, it’s getting harder and harder to believe that I am a positive influence. I used to be loyal to a fault and I betrayed the one person on this earth would have done anything for me. I used to be very athletic and now I can’t even drive a car.

How can a life barely 1/2 lived be filled with so much regret and sorrow? I tell him all the time that I’ll do anything to earn his forgiveness and trust; and that even if he doesn’t have faith right now that I will have enough faith for the both of us. Other couples have survived such catastrophies and if they can do it, then so can we…..that we ARE worth saving…but he cooly replies that we are no longer married and that I am not his wife…and I weep.

I am simply losing the will to live. Please dear God, if you ever loved me, don’t let me wake up in the morning. He constantly says that it kills him to look at me, so please end his pain with my last breath.