That must be really hard living in a new country. It sounds like you don’t have much of a support system which makes this harder. So, how do we go about getting you some support? Everything is harder when you’re alone – as I’m sure you know. Did you try asking for a mentor? It can take a couple of days for them to respond but I think that would be one more person in the world is actively trying to help you and praying for you.

I think it was very brave of you to go to the school counsellor. I wish they had been more helpful. Do you go to church? Is there anyone there who could help you? Do you know if there are suicide prevention resources in your city? Many places have them. Do you speak the language in the country where you are?

Your brother is wrong about you having no will. You might have been living as if you were a puppet but that was only because you felt you had no choice, not because you had no will. In everything that you’ve told me so far, I see a fighter, I see someone who wants to live, who wants to feel better, who wants to sort out who he is and where to go from there. Don’t give up on yourself. You have the most important thing already – you have the will to find a life that’s better.

Do you know how long you will be in this new country? Will you be going back home at some point or is this a permanent move? If it’s temporary, then it won’t be like this forever. If it’s permanent then you’re going to need to build a life for yourself in this new place. I know that it’s hard, and it can be scary, but you can do it. You mentioned that you rarely go outside. Is the place you are living somewhere where it’s safe for you to be outside? If it is, then try this: sometime today, or as soon as you can, take a 5 minute walk in your neighbourhood and look for one thing that is beautiful and one thing that is ugly. Come back here and tell me about them. It can be really overwhelming to be somewhere new, especially if it’s somewhere you didn’t want to be, but there are good aspects to almost everywhere if you look for them. Sometimes something as small as one beautiful thing can help you start to see other things that you did not notice before.

I don’t know how you felt when you found out that you were moving. I’d probably be pretty scared and mad and maybe upset. If this new place isn’t where you want to be it can be easy to tell yourself that there’s nothing good here. It can be tempting to not try to find anything good because you just don’t want to be there. But I bet there are good things there. I bet you can find them.

If I had to guess, I’d guess that the biggest issue is not what’s going on around you, it’s what’s going on inside your head. Not knowing who you are, or wondering if you even like who you are can be really, really scary. (Trust me on this. You can read my story here.) I wish there was something I could say that would make all the confusing thoughts in your head make sense. I think it will take time. Part of the process of growing up is figuring out who you are. You’re confused, a lot of people your age are. It’s not always a confusion about sex, it can be a confusion about faith, or school, or what sort of life you want to have. Being 18 is hard because you’re starting to get responsibilities but you don’t have the experience to know the best ways to choose wisely. In time, you’ll see how things work out and you’ll be better able to see what you want. In the short term, it’s a lot of trial and error trying to figure that out.

It must be really scary feeling like you have to hide a part of yourself from everyone. It can be tempting to think that if you end your life it will be easier, but i don’t believe that’s true. If you were to die tomorrow you’d never get to see how great it feels to be 25 or 41 or 87. You’re just getting started. This is the hardest part. The Trevor Project rel=”nofollow”> has a lot of resources for teens who are questioning their sexuality and are considering suicide. If you read through some of the info there you’ll see that you are not alone. It says that teens who have questions about their sexuality are 4 times more likely to consider suicide. I don’t know if that helps, but there are a lot of people just like you, and a lot of adults who are so glad that they did not go through with their plans to end their lives.

You talked about their being no way out. That’s not true. I know it feels that way, but it’s not true. Time – time is your escape hatch. Make it through this next little while and the whole game changes. You’ll have the freedom to live the way you want to, to decide for yourself. Don’t rob yourself of your own future. I know you’re tired and I know that every day feels like a battle. It’s not easy. But it doesn’t have to be fatal.

You asked if God made all people equal- I believe that he did. I know that we need to respect our parents, especially when we are living in their house, but I do think that you should be allowed to ask questions. Would you be able to talk to your Mom when neither of you are upset and ask your questions then? Is there another family member you would feel comfortable talking to? I did a little research and found a site Befrienders Worldwide that has access to suicide prevention counsellors in every country in the world. See if your country is on the list and they might be able to help.

The main thing is this: you might feel like you don’t have a choice, but you do. The choice to live is yours and yours alone. No one else can take that from you. Death is a terrible final chapter to a life that is just getting started. We call it a tragedy when young people die because so much of life was still in front of them. A friend of mine was 19 when she died of complications from Cystic Fibrosis. The doctors had worked her entire life to try and save her but the disease destroyed her lungs and the could not save her. I remember sitting in the church as the pastor spoke at her funeral and thinking how unfair it was that she was never going to get to do the things I do every day.

Don’t break your own heart Jam. Don’t be the one who takes your dreams away. You have the will to do this. I think that you know yourself better than you realize you just haven’t figured out what to do about it yet. That will come in time. What was the future that you used to dream of? What did that look like?

I appreciate the time and effort you’ve put into this message.I really appreciate it. Yes we do have a ”student counselor” in our school, but they only tell me the things I already know. Sometimes, I think they don’t even pay attention , because for them I’m just one of ”those” kids. I’ve went to the guidance counselor a couple of times, telling them there’s really something wrong with me. I’ve tried to change my way of thinking to a point in where, I’ve mind raped myself. Pushing that I’m ”normal”, but what is normal? Adults telling me things, that I already know, I know that there’s something in life, I know that I can’t change and choose who I love. I’ve done research and I’ve done several of searching. Trying to ”cure” my insanity. For I no longer hold the future that I used to dream of. I’ve always hid the fact that I liked the same sex. I thought maybe if I could ”correct” my way of thinking things would be better that way. For zen once said ” What you think is what you are”. That’s why ,I’ve been struggling on changing and hiding. Due to my childhood , I was ought to obey my parents at all times because that was written on the bible. My mom and I had a fight before and when I talked back to her she told me I had no rights to do so , for I am only her child. I do not need to ask question. It hit me then, I thought, how can that be even plausible? Didn’t GOD made all human the equal? didn’t he say that there are no illegitimate children only illegitimate parents? Does anyone of you believe that a young being like me, have no right to decide for my future? Have I no soul? Am I not an individual? All of this question and things are all in my head. My head is full of doubt.From Depression comes another. I have yet to fully understand how to live life. I do not live in the states, me and my parents are travelling due to work,so I am currently in a country that I don’t not know off. I even rarely go outside. I get comments from my brother that I had no will, he said I was like a living puppet. He didn’t have to tell me, I already know, and I know somehow that there’s no way out..

I have tears in my eyes after reading your comment. Let me say this first, it gets better. It really does. (There’s a campaign online with that as its tagline, with videos from adults all over the world who struggled as teens and have found that by sticking around, it gets better.) I have not stood exactly where you are standing, but I do know what it feels like to think that suicide is the best option. It’s not. You are not who your parents say you are, you are who YOU say you are, you are who GOD says you are. And this is what God says about you: He says that you are loved and cherished, that your life has a purpose. He says that you are so valuable he would do anything for you, he sacrificed for you. You matter and we need you here.

It is incredibly hard to be compared to a standard you cannot attain – you will never be your brother, you can only be yourself. Right now this life at home is the only life you’ve ever known, but here’s the truth of it: you only spend a fifth of your life living at home with your parents. When you’re a little older and you go away to school or you move out and get a job and your own place then you’ll have the right and the power to determine your own life. You will be able to take control, but only if you’re here to take it. You need to honour your parents, you need to be a good son and from what you’ve said here you ARE doing that. You won’t have to live with them forever.

You mentioned asking for clinical help and your Mom saying that you didn’t need it. I have not met you, and I am not a doctor so I cannot diagnose you, but if you think you need help my advice would be to see what you can do to get it. If your Mom won’t take you is there a way to get help without her? Is there a clinic in your city? A youth center? Is there a hospital you could go to? Are you insured? You are 18 which means that legally you can make your own choices. Is there a counsellor at your high school that you could talk to? It is incredible brave of you to ask for help. So many people are too scared to do that. But you did. You were brave. You fought for yourself. Keep fighting for yourself. Find someone who can help. You are strong enough to do this, look you’ve asked for help again here. I think that means that you want to get better, you want to live. And you can. LIVE.

Depression is not weakness, it’s a medical condition and there are doctors who should be able to help. You sound like you’re feeling like you can’t handle this on your own, you don’t have to handle it alone. Depression is not something you can snap out of, or just cheer up, or “think positive” until it goes away. Depression affects the chemistry of your brain, and with the right medical help you can get better.

You mentioned having questions about your sexuality. Remember that no matter what you are, or who you are attracted to, that does not make you any less valuable as a person. If this is not something you can talk to your parents about, see if you can find someone else. Talking it through might help you sort out what you are thinking and feeling, but it needs to be with someone who is safe and trustworthy. The counsellor at your school is probably the best person to start with to try and find someone. I know that you are not the person in your high school who has wondered about this. They train high school counsellors to deal with this, they should be able to help.

So what do you do right now, today? If you feel that you might be a danger to yourself, do not delay but phone a suicide hotline immeditaly. I-800-SUICIDE works anywhere in the US and western Canada. If you live somewhere else, there are additional resources here.

Second, see if there is a counsellor at your school or a clinic in your area that can get you the help you need. Also, I’d suggest that you request a mentor here on this site. We have people who respond to readers who are suicidal. All you need to do is fill out this form to request a mentor. It doesn’t cost anything. The mentor will send you an email which is kept private and you can keep talking as long as you like.

Lastly, please don’t kill yourself. I don’t know if it means much coming form a stranger, but please don’t. You are right on the edge of such a fantastic time of life. You are becoming an adult, choosing who you want to be, making decisions about your future. There are such good things ahead and if you do this now, you won’t get to see any of them. I know that you are in pain and I know that you have been fighting so hard to make this better. Fight just a little longer. Fight long enough to get the help you need so you’re not fighting alone. You can do this. You can. There is a whole world to explore and people to meet, victories to celebrate, maybe even kids to meet one day. I know it feels so far away right now, but it’s not.

I remember what it felt like when I was sure that I did not have the strength to face another day. I am incredibly thankful that I did not follow through on my plans back then. It got so much better, and it continues to get better. There are still days when I am sad, or I feel alone or weak or like there’s a mountain in front of me that I cannot climb, but I have tools now, things I can do when I start thinking or feeling that way. I have people I go to, I have places that are safe for me, I have little rituals that help, and I pray. I know now that I am not alone even when it sometimes feels like I am. You’ll get there. You will. There is so much more to life than suffering, I promise.

My heart goes out to you. You are so young and in a lot of pain. We offer free and confidential mentoring, can I pass on your request to one our mentors that can walk with you through this journey. Please do not do anything to yourself. There is so much more to life than what you are going through.

Leah

I also am disappointed about your experience with God. Again, I don’t know why it happens but it happens far too often for me to be surprised. In the Bible we read a great description of what our relationship with God should be like. “When I think of the wisdom and scope of God’s plan, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth. I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will give you mighty inner strength through his Holy Spirit. And I pray that Christ will be more and more at home in your hearts as you trust in him. May your roots go down deep into the soil of God’s marvelous love. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love really is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is so great you will never fully understand it. Then you will be filled with the fullness of life and power that comes from God.

Now glory be to God! By his mighty power at work within us, he is able to accomplish infinitely more than we would ever dare to ask or hope. May he be given glory in the church and in Christ Jesus forever and ever through endless ages. Amen.” (Ephesians 3:14-21) One of the first things we see is that God has a plan that is overwhelming in its perfect fit for our lives and in the scope of the detail. There isn’t one aspect that has been overlooked or poorly organized.

Secondly, God has unlimited resources to carry out that plan that He has for you. It is not about what you are able to bring to the table but how God has provided everything to complete His plan for your life.

Thirdly, this plan includes an intimacy with God, through His Son Jesus that is far greater than we could ever experience with anyone else. He dwells within our hearts: the heart is the place where our true self exists; it is the place which determines our character, our choices, our passions and our core values and beliefs. There is no one that has access to that the way that Jesus Christ does.

Fourth, God’s love is the source of our life. It is what sustains and nurtures us. It is a love that we can know and experience completely. It is not something that we just talk about theoretically but we can speak of because we have been completely immersed in it. From that love we receive the life giving power to carry out the plans that God has for us. Without it we have no power to and no life.

You will notice that everything spoken about here is initiated by God. We do not qualify for it by our good lives or earn it by the good things we do. It is completely dependent on God to accomplish in our lives. That is where so many people go wrong. They want to do something to attain this for themselves rather than trust in God to provide it for them as a free gift.

I know that you have a lot of experience in the church and whether it was never presented to you properly or you misunderstood, if you are not experiencing this kind of love and relationship with God that is being described here it is because you are trying to earn God’s love rather than trust in Him to give it to you through Jesus. I don’t mean that to sound condemning but I want you to hear it as a message of hope. This kind of relationship with God is possible. The struggle that you have experienced up to this point is not the way that God has intended it. You can be free from the weight of having to continue to earn God’s love. He is offering it to you with no strings attached and no expectations of having to qualify for it or work to keep it.

Now that doesn’t mean we live life in wild abandon and do whatever we want. When we receive the love of God it transforms our desires so that we want to do the things that are right. We don’t do them to earn His or qualify to keep His love but we do it because we are so grateful for what He has done for us. Our moral life is evidence that we have received His love. If you want to find out more about how you can experience this love for yourself have a look at powertochange.com/discover/faith/discoverpurpose. I would also recommend that you connect with one of our online mentors who can help you understand how God loves you. You will find the mentor request form at powertochange.com/discover/talk-to-a-mentor.

While I was in the service, I never got to go home. I got the leave approved once, but that was about a week before september 11th, and I never got another opportuniy. I got a week off here or there after deploying, but never once, did I get to go home in 10 years of service. And i see news reports of familes reuniting after 9 months and it takes everything I’ve got to not break down right then and there. I still keep in touch with my family, but its like speaking to strangers at this point. And nobody asks how I’m doing, its mostly just catching up on what everyone else is doing. But nobody ever asks how I am. My older brother and younger sister are both married with children. 3 apiece. And i have yet to even start a steady relationship.

My biggest reason to leave the military, was that i wanted a normal life. I wanted a wife, kids, family of my own. And I couldnt do that being gone for 6 months to over a year at times. I couldnt put someone I loved through that. And I never understood how other people could do it either. I still dont have a family of my own, I dont even have a lady friend to speak of. I havent even been able to find a church I am comfterable with in the area that I live in.

I did recently get a job, but its very long hours, for just enough to get by on. I dont save anything, but I can manage to break even. And I’ve cut out everything I possibly can but its still hard.

Ive been on “autopilot” for so long now, that it doesnt even feel like living. Its like going through the motions for the sake of it, but its really difficult to fully explain. I cant remember the last time i ate 3 meals in a day. Its been 3 years at least. Most days i eat mabye 1, if that. And i dont eat because im hungry, i only eat because i know that i should be eating. I sleep at most 4 hours an evening, but even thats not all at once. I dont have any friends to speak of, only my distant family and my co-workers who i am still getting to know.

At this point, the only thing thats keeping me going is fear of the possible hereafter. And I dont think that will last much longer. Fear turns into numbness and eventually you just stop careing. But I just dont know what else to do. I dont have any money. No family to call on for help. No friends. My job doesnt even have health insurance or medical insurance because I’ve only been working there for about a month now.

Im just tired. so tired. of being alone and scared. and tired. This isnt a cry for attention. I’m a veteran who is 30 years old, who came home to nothing. I just dont know what else to do. The only reason why I posted this to complete strangers is that I dont even have anyone else to talk to. I’ve prayed about it, but I dont get any awnsers.

Thank you for your time and for reading. At least someone will know this strangers story.

God bless.

That Guy.

1 So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. 2 And because you belong to him, the power[a] of the life-giving Spirit has freed you[b] from the power of sin that leads to death. 3 The law of Moses was unable to save us because of the weakness of our sinful nature.[c] So God did what the law could not do. He sent his own Son in a body like the bodies we sinners have. And in that body God declared an end to sin’s control over us by giving his Son as a sacrifice for our sins. 4 He did this so that the just requirement of the law would be fully satisfied for us, who no longer follow our sinful nature but instead follow the Spirit.

5 Those who are dominated by the sinful nature think about sinful things, but those who are controlled by the Holy Spirit think about things that please the Spirit. 6 So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace. 7 For the sinful nature is always hostile to God. It never did obey God’s laws, and it never will. 8 That’s why those who are still under the control of their sinful nature can never please God.

Here’s the quotation from article (paragraph 2):
“First of all, I want to tell you that your friend’s suicide and death was not anyone’s fault. Her suicide was the result of her choice and her psychological instability. Don’t let false guilt and self-blame take over. You and others tried to help. But, this woman is the one who made the choice despite all your pleadings and intervention.”

The topic has been brought up before so it surprised me if this is considered as accusation.
Saying that the suicide was the result of her choice (alone) is offending for certain kind of deppression especially the kind inflicted by others during childhood where the victim could not possibly be able to do anything about. I am no scholar in this matter but the fact that I was offended and that “faith” was also somehow offended is prove enough to me.

And I’am personally sorry and ask for appologize to the writer and others who were offended about me asking about the writer’s personal relationship with Jesus.
The idea of asking that originally came from the tought that mentioning the writer’s personal testimony would actually help the topic. But executed with a little bit of rage here and there so the fact that it offended someone is somehow not so surprising. Again, I am sorry.