Understanding Cutting
My daughter cut herself for the first time when she was 12 years old. Today, 11 years later, she is still struggling to overcome this problem. At the time I knew absolutely nothing about “self-harm” and it scared me to death. I was shocked and bewildered that she would do such a thing. It’s important to understand cutting – what it is, who does it, why people do it, and how to get help for you or a friend to stop hurting inside and out.
What is cutting?
Cutting is when someone takes something sharp, like a razor, knife, scissors or piece of glass, and runs it along a part of their body, usually to the point of bleeding or bruising. Most cuts are made on arms, wrists and legs. Sometimes, people cut their chest, stomach, face, neck, breasts or genitals. Cutting on the arms and wrists is the most common because it’s often easier to make up excuses for marks on these parts of the body, something like “My cat scratched me,” or “I had an accident in the kitchen.”
Love For a Lifetime: How I got past the parental rejection of my childhood
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Cutting is a form of self-injury, self-harm or self-mutilation. Some people also call it slashing or slicing.
Besides cutting, people may hurt themselves in other ways, including scratching, burning, picking at wounds, hair pulling, punching or head butting. People cut to deal with difficult problems or feelings they cannot verbally express.
Who cuts and why?
About two million people in the U.S. hurt themselves in some way. Most are teenagers or young adults, and they’re from all races and backgrounds. They often wear clothing like long pants or shirts to hide their cutting, even in warm weather.
For most people, it’s hard to understand why anyone would intentionally hurt themselves. But, for those who cut, there are a few common reasons:
- emotional pain they can’t put into words
- to gain a sense of control when other things in their life are out of control
- to punish themselves for troubling thoughts or acts.
- some find the act soothing
- to get a reaction from other people.
No matter the reason, cutting is a serious, dangerous behavior, and may be a sign of another problem.
Many people who cut themselves also have an eating disorder like anorexia or bulimia. Some may be experiencing depression. Others may have been sexually or physically abused.
Is cutting a suicide attempt?
Usually, people who cut aren’t trying to kill themselves. At the same time, cutting can be life-threatening. In fact, sometimes, people can’t control the injury and die accidentally.
If you or someone you know is thinking about killing themselves, contact 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433) immediately or contact befrienders.org from anywhere in the world to talk to a crisis center in your area. Suicide is never the answer to your problems.
You can also tell them about this site: myspace.com/towriteloveonherarms This non-profit is about bringing awareness, hope, encouragement and community to those who struggle with self-harm, depression and suicide (as well as addictions). They also raise money to help support programs that are addressing these issues. They gave away over a million dollars in 2009! My daughter’s story was the inspiration behind this global movement of love and hope. You can read her story by going to the myspace address above, then scrolling down and clicking on “read the story here” in the right hand column. (I apologize, there is profanity in the story)
How can I help a friend with this?
If you have suspicions, go ahead and ask them about it. Friends with cutting problems are often glad to be able talk about it. If you bring it up and this person isn’t self-injuring, it won’t start just because you said something about it. If they leave their wounds uncovered so that you can see them, they want you to ask them about it. Offer options but don’t tell your friend what to do. If someone’s using cutting or some other kind of self-injury as a way to feel in control, it won’t help if you try to take control of the situation. Helping someone see ways to get help – like talking to a parent, pastor, teacher, school counselor or mental health professional- may be the best thing you can do.
Educate yourself on the issue. Two helpful websites for both the person who is struggling with cutting, as well as their family and friends are: selfinjury.com and selfmutilatorsanonymous.org They even have online support group meetings. A few good books are Inside a Cutter’s Mind: Understanding and Helping Those Who Self-Injure
Seek support for yourself, too. Knowing a friend who is going through this can be frightening and stressful. Consider talking to someone else you trust. And remember, even if you don’t want to share your friend’s secret, you can still talk to a mental health professional about how it is affecting you. Remember, you’re not responsible for ending your friend’s self-abuse. You can’t force someone to stop or to get help from a professional. You can’t fix them or change them, but what you can do, always, is keep being a trustworthy, caring friend. Just asking about it and encouraging them to seek help shows them someone cares. It may be exactly what they need to take the next step.
How can I help myself?
Talk to someone you trust. Maybe it’s a parent or a good friend, a pastor, youth worker or a school counselor. Tell them you’re cutting yourself, and want to stop. Ask them to help you find help. Know that you may get some tough reactions like denial or sadness or anger, but that will pass. If you’re not comfortable with that, contact a local mental health group or a hotline in your area. There is a lot of help available and this can be overcome.
Cutting isn’t something to deal with on your own. There are therapists and support groups who can help you work through what makes you cut. Even if you’re nervous about getting help, take this step, because NOW is the best time to do it. If you wait, the problem will only get bigger and harder to hide. You can stop cutting!
My daughter says in her book Purpose for the Pain, “I didn’t do this of my own accord, I am not that strong. God has carried me . . . It was hard work getting to this point (in recovery 6 months) . . . but it happened, and it can happen for anyone who wants it. This isn’t my story. This is God’s story of redemption . . . how beautiful is that?”
If you would like to talk to someone privately we have mentors available by email. All you need to do is use this form to send in a question. We will match you with a mentor who will respond in email, usually within a couple of days. You can email back and forth with your mentor as long as you like. The conversation is private and there is never a fee.
Take a look at your life. How would you describe it? Contented? Rushed? Exciting? Stressful? Moving forward? Holding back? For many of us it’s all of the above at times. There are things we dream of doing one day, there are things we wish we could forget. In the Bible, it says that Jesus came to make all things new. What would your life look like if you could start over with a clean slate?
Living with hope
If you are looking for peace, there is a way to balance your life. No one can be perfect, or have a perfect life. But every one of us has the opportunity to experience perfect grace through a personal relationship with God through His Son, Jesus Christ.
You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. Here’s a suggested prayer:
Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Savior and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of person you want me to be.
Does this prayer express the desire of your heart? You can pray it right now, and Jesus Christ will come into your life, just as He promised.
Is this the life for you?
If you invited Christ into your life, thank God often that He is in your life, that He will never leave you and that you have eternal life. As you learn more about your relationship with God, and how much He loves you, you’ll experience life to the fullest.
Elaine, I agree with Candice, the main problem with cutting is that it is self harming. It is not a healthy way to deal with things and it’s not something that can be sustained without doing considerable damage to your body. Cutting is a coping strategy. It helps you focus because it gives you a physical way to deal with the thoughts, feelings, circumstances or stress that feel out of control, but it doesn’t do anything to actually SOLVE those issues, it just distracts you. It’s similar to people who suffer from an addiction. Often when someone is trying to break an addiction to say, drugs, they’ll start drinking, or start gambling compulsively and they tell themselves, “well it’s better for me than the drugs”. But the problem is that the root cause of why they need to escape into something has not been dealt with. Until you get to the root of the problem it’s not going to go away.
My question for you would be this: why do you find it hard to focus without cutting? Is there stress in your family? Is someone sick? Are there financial issues? Is someone bullying you? Did something happen to you? Cutting is never going to be answer, it just puts off asking the questions for a little while. I don’t know how old you are, but is there someone you can talk to? A parent, a teacher, a pastor, a trusted aunt, a friend, a counsellor? There is almost always a very specific reason why a person cuts. You reason might feel completely overwhelming – it might BE completely overwhelming – but I promise that it can get better if you stop trying to carry it all on your own.
I know that sometimes if something really bad happened to someone else it can be tempting to think that you have to deal with your own stuff alone because it’s not as bad as what the other person is dealing with. But that’s not true. Your feelings and thoughts and experiences and fears and stresses are just as valid. Even if someone died, even if someone has cancer or something really scary. You don’t have to harm yourself to protect them from the stress of knowing that you need help. Your need is important too.
Candice mentioned the mentors on this site and that is an excellent place to start. Talking to a mentor through email can be a really great first step to getting the right help so you can focus without cutting. You only get one body. Take good care of it.
Hi Elaine,
Cutting is not necessarily frowned upon but seen as a very dangerous position to be in because a person is bringing harm against themselves. Cutting is generally a form of self-hatred, anger, or aggression that is taken out upon oneself and not dealt with properly. Unfortunately, cutting often is accompanied by severe depression and can sometimes lead to suicidal thoughts and tendencies. I would encourage you to seek some professional help to focus in a different way that doesn’t bring harm to your body. If you would like to talk to someone privately about cutting, we offer a free mentoring program on this site.
I’m wondering, i mean i know cutting is generally frowned upon by most people today but exactly what is so wrong with it? I mean i know for me personally it helps me focus.
Hi Sarah,
First and foremost, if you are considering suicide, have thought about suicide and or feel that you might be a danger to yourself, call a suicide helpline RIGHT NOW. Today. If you are in the US call 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433). In Canada there are hotlines for each province, find yours here. If you are anywhere else in the world you can find a hotline here. It can be tempting to think that it’s not bad enough to need to call, or that you’re not in a crisis right this minute, but if you’ve had suicidal thoughts at all this week, call the hotline. They can help. They are trained to help.
Usually on our site I’m quick to refer people to mentoring, however we are not legally allowed to offer mentoring to minors. We do have a special set of teen mentors who have all been through the criminal record check required by law to work with youth. You can contact a teen mentor by sending in a request here. Make sure you set the age range to 13-17.
You are dealing with a serious, but sadly not uncommon, experience. It was very brave of you to ask for help. Be brave again. Is there an adult in your life that you can talk to? A parent? An Aunt? The counsellor at your school, a pastor or priest? You don’t have to do try and deal with this alone. Cutting is a coping mechanism, but it’s a flawed one. It only feels good for a very, very short period of time and it doesn’t do anything to make the pain get any better. But you already know that. There are better ways, healthier ways to express your anger. Also, at some point you’re going to need to deal with the cause of the anger. I know what it feels like to be picked on at school. That was my experience too and like you I got to a place where I thought that the only answer was to kill myself. You can read my story here.
It can get better. For me it did get better, but not until I gave up my silence and finally told someone. I know how hard it is, but find a person you trust and let them help you. Cutting is not the answer. Chances are the person you tell is not going to think that you are crazy. But even if they did, worst case scenario, having someone think that you are unstable is still so much better than being dead. I think it’s much more likely that the person you tell will think that you are very brave and will be willing to help. It wasn’t until YEARS later that I told my own Mom what had been going on. She asked me why I never said anything and I told her it was because I didn’t think there was anything she could do. With tears in her eyes she listed off 5 or 6 things she would have to help. One of them involved paying to send me to private school. When I told her there’s no way we could have afforded that she said simply, “You were in danger Claire, I would have moved mountains to save you. We would have found a way. I’d do anything to keep you safe.”
You don’t get extra points for doing this on your own. I know that you are scared, but tell someone you trust. It’s the right decision.
I am 15 years old, i have been cutting since i was about 11 or 12 years old. When i cut i get this high, and it makes me feel SO better. I started cutting about the same time i started to drink and do drugs. I was an alcholic at 13 years old. i went and got help. The main reason why i cut is to get out the anger, the angryer i am the deeper i go, I cut also because i am picked on at school/home, so much that i don’t even talk about it, and that i feel like i wanna kill myself. When i get picked on i just want to hide and never come out, i also got to the bathroom at school, or home and cut myself, with whatever i find. I cut at least 3-4 times a day, and that is just a good day for me. Bad days i cut at least 6-8 times a day. I cut on my thumb or thigh, my thigh so no one sees it, and on my thumb so people really can’t see it. I feel so bad after doing it but then at the same time i feel like i am on top of the world. If i don’t cut myself after someone picks on me then i feel like i could just hide, or even die. What should i do, if i am scared to tell someone, i don’t want them to label me crazy, or something. what should i do!
Karissa,
I am so sorry to hear about the years of self harm you have been used to. I urge you to seek help, as you can stop! I want you to know that your life is worth living and no one in the history of this world nor in the future will ever have the same talents, passions, dreams, and interests as you. You are unique and special. I encourage you to visit http://www.befrienders.org/ to find someone near you who can talk to you about cutting and self harm. There are people who want to listen to you and talk with you. I will keep you in my prayers Karissa.
Oh my, dear Karissa,(such a pretty name) you are loved by the awesome God who created you. I grew up in a very disruptive household; it can be so hard. Please reach out for help. Find the care you need to treat yourself as the beloved child of God that you are. If you go to this link, one of our mentors will be in touch to encourage you, pray for you, and help you find the assistance you need. http://powertochange.com/discover/talk-to-a-mentor/
** I can’t stop I’m so used to it
I’m twelve and have been cutting or doing any time of self harm since i cant even remember
Hi Denya, I too am named Renee, i’m 20 and a christian and i’ve dealt with cutting/burning and suicide attempts. I grew up in a christian home but i kind of snapped when i got older cause of all of the things my family and myself were going through, lots of deaths, lots of fights, lots of rejection because i tried to share my faith with all my classmates and my siblings always made fun of me. It just got incredibly overwhelming. I finally stopped self injury. It’s been about 8 months, i stopped completely on my own, i have alot of scars, they cover both my arms and everyday i’m asking God to make me stronger, although the scars stay on the outside they will dissapear in the inside and i’ll become stronger over time, thats what i’m believing. I want to be a christian contemporary singer , i’ve been recording, i stopped smoking marijuana because i want my voice to stay strong and i’m trying to get on the right path. Things are getting better because when you reach out to Christ and hold onto Him, he will steady you as you walk. i believe this. I can’t wait to see your daughter’s new movie. God bless you guys and thank you for your encouraging words, they reach the hearts of millions.
Amber, I’m sorry about that other comment that was on here, unfortunately we can’t control what other people say but I removed it as soon as I saw it. If you’d like to talk privately with one of our mentors you can use this form to ask for a mentor and a mentor will email you back (that way you can be sure you won’t get another stupid comment like that last one.) You’re probably going to need some in person support as well. Are you able to talk to your parents? Or a counsellor at school? You mentioned going to the hospital before, if you phoned the hospital they probably have resources, counsellors and programs that you could look in to. If you’re comfortable with your doctor he or she would also have resources that could help. There’s also a really great radio show Dawson McAllistor Live that takes calls from teens and young people with questions. You can contact the Hopeline here. It’s really good that you want to stop, that’s a HUGE first step. The next step is getting some extra support as you work through this. I know it’s not easy but you don’t have to try to do this alone. There is lots of help available. If you have any trouble getting connected with someone who can help, let me know.
Amber, if you would like to speak with one of our online mentors, please visit this page:
http://powertochange.com/discover/talk-to-a-mentor/
This is free, confidential, and you will be matched with a mentor who will hopefully be able to help you.
Andy, I have removed your comment since it was insensitive to those who struggle with this difficult and harmful form of self-injury.
Um I came here for positive encouragement……I don’t define cutting as being hott it unsafe and I need help
I am nineteen tts old and I can’t stop cutting I have been in the hospitpl serveral times and I can’t seem to stop and I want too so bad. I also swollow things to hurt myself what do I do at this point
Hi Carol,
Thank you for your comment, it is very brave of you to admit that you can’t stop. I can’t understand what you are going through but I recommend that you seek professional help. I know that talking to someone will help. In the meantime, I recommend that you talk to one of our Mentors. Please let me know if you would like a mentor and I will connect you. Just leave another comment to let me know.
i mean I dont know what to to do to stop
I am 47 and cutting and i feel alone and I dont know what to di
I wanted to thank you and your daughter Renee for speaking out about this problem!!! I have been dealing with self injury for 3 years and she gives me hope that I can do it with gods help!!!