How do I remain a virgin while dating?

Written by Angela Chiang

The places I go to are usually frequented by students, many of whom have not had the experience of being in love.  We don’t have any older people to counsel us on matters concerning observing chastity with one’s boyfriend before marriage. This has been a great temptation and challenge to me while dating my boyfriend. Can you give me some suggestions?

Advice: When I hear you say that you are struggling with observing chastity with your boyfriend before marriage, I can feel your sense of helplessness. I can also tell that you experience the “the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak” feeling in your interaction with your boyfriend. I care about you and hope I can help ease your mind by encouraging you to look at things from different perspectives. Worry is an invisible killer that can harm your body and soul.  It is a stumbling block to the celebration of life with fulfillment. The following suggestions may be of help to you.

I hope to see your brilliant smile return soon as you continue interacting with your boyfriend!

1. Establish a good relationship with God. Emily, God is real. He is the everlasting one that is in charge of all things. He loves you very much and He also loves your boyfriend. Pray often and read the Bible earnestly. The Bible will give you the wisdom and patience that you need. Whenever you are troubled or worried, and feel you do not have the ability to do what you wish to do, God will reveal His truths to you through Bible verses, prayers, the church, or people and events around you.
2. You are not alone in your struggle. God also loves your boyfriend. You are not struggling by yourself. God also cares about your boyfriend, and knows your boyfriend’s weaknesses, as it is written in Hebrews 4:15-16: “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” God cares about everyone and can understand the circumstances people must face. He knows what our weaknesses are and understands them well.
3. Since you know God understands us, you should then put your trust in Him, draw strength and seek wisdom from Him, and through prayer let Him take over your concerns and worries. You can pray this prayer: “Dear God, thank you for giving me such a good boyfriend. I love him very much, and I am willing to share in his weaknesses. But my wisdom is limited, and my experience is insufficient. I ask You to help me and let me be worthy of Your trust.”
4. Since you have known each other for a long time and feel committed to each other, and your families also approve of your relationship, perhaps it is possible for you to conquer your difficulties by getting married soon so that you can enjoy the marital love bestowed by God, not leaving too much room for Satan to make trouble. You have to figure out whether getting married sooner or waiting until later to get married will be better for the both of you and your relationship. Assuming you do not get married soon and there is the possibility that you are unable to control your lust and sexual desires, what if you become pregnant?  How will the two of you deal?  How would that affect the plans you have made for yourselves? You have to face these possible situations directly and talk about them, analyze the issues involved, and make a decision that both of you must commit to.
5. If you find it difficult to do this, then you should adjust the way you see each other. That is to say, try all you can to meet in public places where there are other people around, or meet outside. This way, you can avoid being together alone. Since you are emotionally committed to one another and are both at the marriageable age, you may not be able to control your lust if you are constantly alone together in close quarters. Since you realize you are not able to overcome this kind of weakness, you should avoid putting yourselves in that kind of situation and ask the Lord to give you wisdom and strength to handle the reality of the challenge you are facing.

It has been my personal experience that when I put my trust in our Lord Jesus Christ and in His guidance with all my heart, He always gives me unparalleled strength and wisdom to help me out of my predicament. There is a God who cares about you and what you are going through. You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. Here’s a suggested prayer:

Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Saviour and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of woman you want me to be.

If this prayer expresses the desire of your heart, pray it right now and Christ will come into your life as He promised. If you invited Jesus Christ into your life, thank God often that He is in your life, that He will never leave you and that you have eternal life. As you learn more about your relationship with God, and how much He loves you, you’ll experience life to the fullest.