Coping with Loneliness at Christmas
‘Tis the season to be … gloomy?
Feeling low this Christmas season? You’re not alone. Amid cheery songs, festive parties, gifts and good wishes, many lonely people are crying or dying on the inside. Maybe you’re one of them. I was.
During a horrible year, my wife of 20 years divorced me, my employer of 25 years fired me, and I had a cancer scare. As I drove home one night, lovely Christmas music came on the radio. Melancholy aching evidenced the deep pain of abandonment and loss that I was still processing.
No fun.
Blue Christmas
Romantic estrangement, family strife, and bereavement can make your holidays dismal. One of Elvis Presley’s most popular songs was “Blue Christmas.” A lonely crooner mourns heartbreaking lost love. Performers from The Beach Boys to Celine Dion, Loretta Lynn, and Jon Bon Jovi have recorded it.
Does even thinking about that song make you depressed? The spoofed “Porky Pig” version could get you laughing. Google will take you there. But please … wait until finishing this short article to search, OK?!
Several factors can produce Christmas blues.1 Hectic activity can bring physical and emotional stress. Overspending can produce financial pressure. Year-end reflection and focus on loss can magnify sorrow.
McGill University psychologist Dr. Michael Spevack notes, “Overeating and over drinking combined with a decreased amount of sleep is also a formula for extreme emotional swings.” Depression can lead to thoughts of suicide, especially among the socially isolated, he says.2
The “empty chair”
Is your family apart this season by necessity or choice? Maybe an “empty chair” reminds you of your pain. Does Christmas “Ho, Ho, Ho” contrast with your deep anguish?
One widow recalled how she felt during the Christmas after her husband’s death: “Little mattered to me. I didn’t want to hear carols. I didn’t want to be cheered up. I didn’t want to look at perky Christmas cards. I wanted the same thing I’d wanted every day for eight months: the strength to force myself out of bed in the morning, to brush my teeth and to eat.”3
One possible influence, Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), is a form of depression the medical community doesn’t completely understand. The Mayo Clinic says genetics, age and body chemistry could be the culprits. Mayo recommends seeing your doctor if you feel down for days and have motivation problems. Symptoms can include changing sleep patterns and appetite, feeling hopeless, contemplating suicide, or seeking comfort in alcohol.4
Coping
How can you cope with Christmas loneliness? Some suggestions:
- Spend time with people, especially positive ones who lift your spirits. Perhaps you’ll be grateful for their cheer.
- Exercise regularly. Blood pumping can help clear your mind.
- Eat right. Chocaholics beware. Overindulgence can mean temporary highs followed by disappointing flab.
- Lights on! Enjoy sunlight, outdoors if possible. Brighten up your home and workplace. Light therapy sometimes helps SAD.
- Budget your gift spending and stick with your budget. Prevent January bill shock.
- Talk about your feelings. Keeping them bottled up can mean anxiety, ulcers, sour disposition, and/or explosion. Need a trusted, listening friend? Try a local church.
- Give to others. Volunteer. Medical professor Stephen Post, PhD, is convinced that giving is essential for optimum physical and mental health in our fragmented society. He says some California physicians give volunteerism “prescriptions” to their Medicare patients.5
- Seek counsel. I used to be embarrassed to obtain professional counsel. Now I recommend it. We all can use good advice navigating life’s storms.
- Develop spiritual roots. I’m glad that before my dark days began, I had a friendship with God.
Tired of friends who betray, manipulate, disrespect, or desert you? God won’t. He cares for you, values you, will listen to you and comfort you. You can trust Him. He always wants your best.
One early believer put it this way: “Since God did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t God, who gave us Christ, also give us everything else?”6His point: God loved us enough to send Jesus, his only Son, to die on the cross to pay the penalty for our wrong, our sins. What a demonstration of love! I can trust a God like that. Then Jesus rose from the dead so He could live inside us and become our friend.
Your choice
Would you like to meet Jesus, the best friend you could ever have? Wouldn’t Christmas season be a great time to place your faith in Him? You can tell Him something like this:
Jesus, I need you. Thanks for dying and rising again for me. Please forgive me, enter my life, and give me eternal life. Help me to become good friends with you and learn to follow your lead.
End notes
1. “Christmas Holiday Depression,” 18 December 2005; www.medicalnewstoday.com.
2. Ibid.
3. Mary Cartledgehayes, “Blue Christmas – Grieving Through The Holidays,” Christian Century, December 27, 2003; www.findarticles.com.
4. “Seasonal affective disorder (SAD),” Mayo Clinic Staff, September 24, 2007; www.mayoclinic.com.
5. Stephen Post, PhD., and Jill Neimark, Why Good Things Happen to Good People (New York: Broadway Books, 2007).
11 Responses to “Coping with Loneliness at Christmas”
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I like some suggestions a lot! Best advice is always doing stuff that cheers you up when you are depressed. Sounds simple, but many don’t recognize that they often do things that make their current state worse Watch a funny movie and not a sad one.
I cheer myself often up on the internet with funny or uplifting content. If things are really bad, and you might have such phases, then get professional help. Sounds embarrassing, but I can recommend it too. It’s a thing with long-lasting effect. (Your24hCoach is an uplifting site on Facebook and gives coaching support too, can recommend this one)
Merry Christmas to everyone. Don’t be down in the mouth. Enjoy your life! Life is beautiful!
good article and thank you alisha tooo true that life is beautiful and it is worth living it can be tough this time of year but good suggestions
On Christmas Eve I plan to shoot myself.
Hi Anonymous, that is a pretty serious statement and it sounds like you are set in your path. Why are you planning on ending your life like that on Christmas Eve? What has brought you to this place where that seems like the best option?
Dear Anonymous, I pray that God protects you from harming yourself. I pray that He will bring complete healing to your hurting soul. May you know that we are hear for you. How are you doing today?
Spent time with people? If I had people that I wanted to spend time with I wouldn’t be lonely. Family is difficult even in the best of situations. Christmas makes it worse. My ex family completed cut me off after he left. Friends are not interested in anything but their own circle at this time. And God, although I do believe, is not going to hang out watching a movie with me. I do decorate and do as much as I want to do. I’ve lowered my expectations of people in general. (not so hard to do since my husband of 30 years left) I look at Christmas as two days tops and it’s over and by the way, I don’t believe everybody, even the ones who keep saying they are so blessed with family and friends, are having a great time. But the ones who keep saying they are so blessed to others who they know are not, should consider how cruel it is to flaunt their blessings.
Thank you for this lovely article. It sure gives another perspective to all the feverish celebrations. Many of us are not surrounded by loved ones, family, or friends, either by choice or by circumstance. The way I see it, the majority of us actually do feel hallow inside, some will admit to it, some will try to fight it, and some might disguise it. To everyone out there who feels lonely in this season, I pray that even though you might not feel the love & joy at the moment, I wish you peace, faith and hope. May your new year be blessed with many meaningful moments, new positive relationships with others, and a renewed intimacy with God, who lead us and keep us company through the dark valleys and high hills of life.
To Wendy: May God take away your loneliness by keeping you company and bless you with new people in your life (and/or repair old relationships) who will treasure you.
My grown children leave me alone on the holidays and most of the time.Their boyfriends of the year and their families and/or drugs are more important. They come around when they need something. My husband of 32 years is unsociable so I never get to go anywhere and I no longer have any friends since I am too embarassed to invite anyone over.I’m lonely, depressed, and wish I had the guts to shoot myself as the other poster above wrote. I’m tired of being lonely, depressed and sad and just want to be done with it.
Its chistmas eve im alone watching my kid sleep my oldest is 11yr . Im crying thinking if they only knew how i feel. We didnt join our family this year, This past Thanksgiving i felt awfull,ignored by a few persons in my family. Im like the one that no oone wants to be around with for being poor for always strugling asking family for favors. Some.people in my family see us like a piece of trash because i dont have money, me and my kids are never nicely dressed like my nieces and nephews and thatz why sometimes we are leftout because theey are embarrased of us. I remember a couple of months ago my sister was gonna have a party my son said my niece told.him “you have to wear new clothes you cant wear the clothes you always wear if your gonna come to.our party OMG i didnt say anything but i cried.so much. I feel badand guilty for not taking my kids over today they are only kids they dont understand or realize what goes on . But im never gonna let anyone humiliate us or treat us like crap.
Today is christmas and im dreading being with my family some think they are high and mighty, some think there [expletive removed] dont stink some are just big fat liers then there are my parents who just moan and groan about stupid things and i have to hear about everyone, boy do i dislike christmas, i put my life on hold for many years to help my family raise their kids and now i hear things that are not true about me, and im suppose to turn my head and ingnore everything for the holiday boy does this suck.
Dear Anonymous;
I hope you didn’t kill yourself. Today is very difficult for me – my Mom passed away a few months agoi and she always made eveything special for me – especially the holidays. When I read notes like Anonymous wrote – I think My sadness is just not worth killing oneself for.
So thank you Anonymous – Next Christmas season I will find a volunteer program to help others who are worse off than me. I
I so hope you’re okay Anonymous. Take care everyone. d