Ways To Give

Learning to Live with One Another Without Losing Myself

Written by W Smith

This is part 7 of an eight part series – Reflections for a Bride

Let us take a few moments to set aside the wedding details, and briefly consider an area that challenges many women. How can you learn to live with the man you love without losing yourself? There are two sides to this.

• Some women, especially those who are getting established on a career path or have waited a bit before marriage, know who they are as an individual. Their identity seems clear; they’ve had time to learn their own strengths, weaknesses and roles. Getting married, for these women, may be just a part of life, and they may even think that marriage and family will have to just fit in with the way they have planned their life already. Learning to live together effectively may be a challenge for them. Love for a husband, however, will require them to learn, to grow and to adapt to the one they love.


Does your relationship need help?: Talk to a mentor
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• For other women, the challenge is different, at least on the surface. To be a wife (and possibly a mother) fulfills a dream since early childhood. We’ve often been taught as women that our love should be sacrificial,that we should be willing to put others first.The potential danger in this thinking is that a woman may give up who she is. She may find herself surrendering her own dreams, desires and calling, in an effort to best serve and please her husband. She loses a part of herself, and may find in future years that she lost something precious. Part of the tragedy is that she can no longer bring all of herself to the marriage, either.

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How can a woman avoid these two pitfalls? A major key, is in accepting who God says we are as women, according to the Bible. Have you investigated what the Bible has to say about your identity? Your core identity cannot be in your career or in your marriage—both of those are external, and both may change. People change jobs every day, and even the security of a marriage can be shattered by death, illness or other tragedy. If you are to avoid the trap of simply remaining two separate individuals under a single roof (living in physical proximity without truly sharing your lives), you will need an identity that goes beyond the external.

You are, at heart, a woman whom God dearly loves. He gave His Son, Jesus Christ, for you. He has a purpose for you, and a part of that purpose may well be found in the role of wife and mother; it may be as a nurse, teacher, executive, or other professional. It is a part though, not the whole of life. If you’re not to lose yourself, you need to know who you are and to whom you belong. If you’re to give freely and love well, you need to know how very secure you are in Him.

Read the Bible, God’s love letter to you (see Psalm 139), and ask Him to show you how much He loves you. Ask God how He sees you and how to best bring that to your marriage. He can help you as you seek to blend you needs, desires and dreams with those of your husband. He wants the best for both of you!

Next: Filling Our Home With the Good Stuff

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