Do You Trust Him?
It’s easy to fall in love with a man you don’t trust, but it’s hard to live with him. Real, lasting relationships are built on trust. Trust is foundational because it creates a safe environment for intimacy to grow. If your relationship is going to work you need to be able to trust your partner with your past, your present and your future. Trust takes time and effort, is easily broken and hard to restore but if you’re willing to work at it, the reward is the relationship you’ve always dreamed of.
Revealing your true self
Trust allows you to reveal who you really are. In spite of all the tricks we use to try and impress someone during the early stages of dating, intimacy is founded on knowing and being known. Your partner has to get to know the real you – what you’re like when you’re tired, angry, frustrated, elated or talking to your Mom on the phone. He has to love you as you are, not as he hopes you might be. And you have to love him the same way. Anything less won’t last.
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Do you remember Bridget Jones’s Diary? There’s one scene where Mark Darcy tells Bridget “I like you, just as you are.” Bridget is floored. Why such a strong reaction to a simple comment? Because Mark is telling her that he really sees her and he likes what he sees. He didn’t say he’d like her ten pounds lighter, or a little more sophisticated, or prettier, or better read.
He likes her as she is, unconditionally. She doesn’t have to try and impress him, he’s already impressed. Knowing that you are loved for who you are lets you relax and let your guard down. It lets you be honest without fear of rejection, and frankly, it feels great.
Honest communication
Trust opens the door to honest communication. You can’t communicate honestly if you’re always second-guessing how your partner will react or rephrasing your thoughts to fit in with his agenda. Communication takes concentration. In her article, “Why Can’t We Communicate?” Geri Forsberg , Ph.D., outlines the five steps to effective communication:
- Ask questions. Don’t assume you understand what a person means. Once you ask a few questions, it doesn’t take long to really find out what he really means.
- Listen. To become a better communicator, you must be willing to listen so you can understand the other person’s perspective.
- Observe and be willing to verify the information you receive.
- Let people know what you are thinking by sharing it. By disclosing information about yourself, it aids the other person in understanding who you are and how you are understanding them.
- Remember that love covers a multitude of sins. If your motives are wanting to understand people and accept them for who they are, then communication will be easier. But if you set out to convince them that your way is the right way, then that’s not communication. And that’s not love. (For more insights on communication, read the rest of Geri’s article)
Fair Fights
Once you’ve cleared up your communication, trusting your partner will help you to fight fair when disagreements occur. Face it, if you’re involved with a living, breathing human being you are going to disagree. Whether the fights tear you apart or actually resolve conflicts and bring you closer together depends on whether or not you fight fair.
What is a fair fight? Most experts agree that fair fighting does the following:
- Stays on topic. Now is not the time to bring out a list of past wrongs. Deal with the issue at hand.
- Refuses to resort to name calling and insults. Remember that the point of the argument is solve something, not tear the other person to bits or badger them so they’ll quit and you’ll win. If you don’t respect your partner, or if they feel attacked, they’ll stop listening.
- Avoids generalizations and sticks to the facts. “You always” or ” you never” statements do not reflect reality and will only put your partner on the defensive. Stick to what actually happened and how it made you feel.
Building Trust
Trust doesn’t just naturally happen between two people, even if they love each other. It takes work and if you’ve been hurt in the past, it can be especially difficult. Building trust takes time, you need to show your partner that you are trustworthy and that you trust them in return.
If your partner has trouble trusting, you can do a lot to create an environment where trust can grow. Listen to your partner, respect him and his opinions, and accept him as he is. Reveal parts of your own history, show him that you trust him and you will help him to do the same. If you are vulnerable it helps your partner to feel that he is safe to be vulnerable as well.
Don’t rush it. If you truly love your partner and want what’s best for him, you’ll wait. If you’re in a relationship with someone you feel you can’t trust, don’t ignore it. If you have trouble trusting anyone, you might want to seek counseling before you run away from what could be a great relationship.
Your past does affect your ability to trust. However, if trust hasn’t been a problem for you in the past and your gut is telling you to protect yourself from this guy, take it as a warning. Take a close look at who he is, how he treats others and how he treats you. Your gut may be giving you good information.
36 Responses to “Do You Trust Him?”
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i’ve broken off an engagement with the same man TWICE bec i have feelings of no trust and doubt. i love him and WISH he weren’t so secretive. He has a very quiet and observant nature so this could be some of it. i am the complete opposite. i don’t have a problem saying where i am or who i was talking to and why. i found 2 FACELESS women on his FaceBook page and i am feeling SO angry right now. These are the secretive things i’m referring to. He contiunes to call me, buy me things, when i’m sick he makes sure i have whatever i need, etc. Why is he still coming around? i’ve told him i’m leaving my options open bec there’s too much about him i don’t trust. He’s financially unstable, lazy and says things he never does. He lacks communication skills and disappears, i’m thinking, to the casinos bec he has a gambling addiction. i KNOW i’m worth MORE than all this nonsense and is why i broke off the marriage plans. He treats me nice and is very caring yet i feel this is all some kind of COVER UP to some deep psychological disturbance in him. Why am i so angry about those other “faceless” women? i’m scared i might be obsessed somehow bec it’s going on 6 years of this. We do NOT live tog or having sex. i don’t want any ties to him in this way. Why would i care what he does, where he goes or whatever? He could be addicted to me and visa versa. i’ve sought counceling and do better with getting on with my own life without him. Just want this to all go away or change for the better.
Hi Trisha,
It sounds like you’re working through a lot of things right now. Can I put you in touch with one of our mentors? I really think that they would be able to help. Mentoring is free and confidental, all I’d do is them your email and someone would respond. Let me know if you’re interested and I’ll take care of it.
Claire
Thank you Claire for your suggestion. i WOULD like to be put in touch with a mentor. Can you forward what i wrote above to them? i would love to have help in figuring out WHY i still care about a man like this if i feel no trust for him and just keep wanting him to love me the way i need to be loved. i know i painted a grim picture yet there are so many things i love about him as well. The whole thing is kinda crazy. Haven’t met anyone else i’m even remotely interested in all these years either. He has a loyalty to me as well in his own way. Weird.
You’re welcome :) I have sent your comment to our mentors. You should hear from them in the next couple of days. If you want some more info, our main mentoring page has the details. You don’t need to submit your request, I’ve done it for you.
Love is always complicated. I think a mentor will be able to help work through what you’re feeling and thinking, what you want and what your options are. I hope this helps.
Much like Trisha, I have been in an relationship off and on with a guy for years. Recently, I went to his house and he had company. I thought we were in a relationship but apparently, I was wrong..I was the one that had to leave..Well I did not attempt to contact him again but weeks later he began calling me. After a couple of weeks I decide to entertain his conversation. Of course the girl was “nobody” and he just did not know how to react being inthat situation of being “caught in his mess.” He bought things, called all day, texted how much he loved me daily and emailed the same. I decided to give us another chance and it appears that he is beginning to “withdraw.” He says he is not but he is. No texts, no calls unless i call him.. When I call he is always nice and pleasant..Sometimes he will send a text later in the evening after I have gotten of work. He says he is not changing despite the fact of what I am telling him. We agreed that this would be a long journey that we would both have to take together and put in hard work throughout.. I am very insecure about our relationship and he assures me that there is noting for me to worry about, but he feels I am trying to make him pay for what he has done to me in the past. I know some of my questions make him mad but all I need is an answer. I just need that reassurances, from him. He is good when he is good. He is not a good communicator but i can say he has gotten better. I believe in processing feelings and his way is not to talk about them too much…Huge personality conflict…
‘Love meets you in the middle. Anything less and one of you is stooping.’ A good friend of mine told me that years ago and it is still good advice. Ebony, I don’t know you and I don’t know what your relationship with this man is like, but it sounds like you’re always the one to call, to text, to initiate. After you went to see him and he had company, you were upset but it was several weeks before you heard from him. You mentioned that there is a huge personality conflict, are you guys working through this?
I’ll tell you the same thing I told Trisha, if you’d like to talk to one of our mentors, I can set that up for you. Mentoring is free and confidential. It’s a chance to talk through whatever you’re dealing with with someone who has been there. There are no classes on love in school, there should be! We spend so much of our lives navigating love, trying to figure out ourselves and our partners and deciding what we can and cannot live with. If you’d like to hear from a mentor, comment back on this page and I’ll get you set up.
We are attempting to work through them but I feel tired.. Which means I am doing to much. I love the advice, I wil have to add it to my “book of quotes” I would like to speak with a mentor. Please forward my info to them. Thank you so much.
I’ve sent your email to our mentors Ebony, you should hear from them in the next couple of days. There’s more information about mentoring on our main mentoring page. Lynette Hoy also has a great article on trust that you might find interesting.
I need some help learning to trust again. I have been walked on so much throughout my past that I have so many walls up when it comes to dating and relationships. Recently, I met this guy who is determined to break through them. (yep, he told me so.) He actually is pretty great, telling me up front he likes me for me. After talking a bit, he mentioned he could see I’ve been hurt, and he wanted to fix the pain in my eyes and make me happy. But, having been hurt so many times in the past, I am finding it extremely hard and difficult to open up to him. I really just don’t know what to do…any thoughts?
Dear Tiffany,
as you read above, i have my own trust issues yet i’d like to share some hope with you…each day i learn a little bit more about myself. For me, the anger (a branch off of fear) is my biggest challenge. As a child, i put my trust into people who either took advantage of it, disappointed me or never lived up to my expectaions. i had it backwards where my thoughts were,”i DON’T trust you till you give me a reason TO trust you.” Now, after many years of working on myself, i have it the other way around. Trust issues are fear ROOT issues. Some men saw my lack of trust as a challenge for themselves. Men love challenges. i now am learning how to be a challenge in OTHER ways like…keeping MY life full of the things which make ME happy. Doing those things which help me exercise my skills and talents. i no longer see a man as the “prize” but value myself more. In return i get a man’s respect. For me, when a man senses fear of ANY kind, they use it for their own selfish motives. i believe in being vulnerable with my feelings yet not to the point where the man is controlling me with them so they can feel better about themselves. When we woman love ourselves and concentrate MORE on ourselves and the reasons we have been put on this earth, we won’t be over doing it with trying to convince men of our worth. Acknowledge your fears yet learn how to control them. For me, every day i wake up is a new beginning to walk in faith and not in fear. Hugs ~trisha
Tiffany, Bravo. You have it figured out! I liked when you said “I no longer see a man as the prize”, but value myself more… etc. and you sooo right about the “respect”, and the “challenge”! All of the things you mention I learned myself as well. I want my daughter to be on top of things, and to put herself “up there”! Right where God wants her! “Walk in faith not fear”.. very insightful! Good girl! ~ La
ooops… that was to go to Trisha. have a great day ladies.
Dear La,
Thank you for your reply and it’s good to know i’m not alone with what i’ve learned. i feel too many woman were told the wrong things as young girls about relationships or not taught in a way which works. i saw my mother always DOING things to get the love she needed yet DIDN’T! Like it’s some kind of DUTY having to PERFORM all the time. i wound up DOING the same kind of things. If i cook what he likes MORE, if i dress sexier, clean the house better, do his ironing, give him more gifts, make his dentist appointments for him, bring the car into the shop , DO DO DO! Guess what? IT DIDN’T GET ME THE LOVE I NEEDED!! i’ve been through 2 marriages so i feel i KNOW what i’m talking about. In the end i felt like a worn out dish rag and very sad and angry because i thought it WAS ABOUT ME giving up what i wanted for him! Where is the respect in all that? They got to live their lives exactly the way THEY wanted to. Coming and going whenever they felt like it and expecting me to keep DOING. Young girls need to understand themselves more than always thinking they have to please the man. They are NOT our fathers whom we seem the need to PLEASE so we are their favorite “GOOD LITTLE GIRL”. i am not a man hater or man basher just a more informed woman who’s PHD is in living, failing, getting back out there and doing things differently so i get better results. i hopE you continue to teach your daughter how valuable she is to a God who created her to be all that SHE can be. Blessings~trisha
Before dating my most recent bf I had major trust issues. In the beginning I checked his email once to see if I could trust him. Slowly I began to trust, then one night he lied about being home when he was actually out. After that I would always check his messaging on his phone and his email. He kept hounding me to move in together and my gut kept telling me “don’t do it.” One day I found a message to another girl that said can I see you before my gf gets here. He explained away and I fell for it. The final straw was when I opened his email and found a picture sent from his phone to his computer of my sister naked. My trust in everyone is shattered. I thought my sister was my best friend. How can I ever trust anyone again to have a relationship with? How do I get past this?
Dear Sunnie,
i’m thinking your name might fit your unique personality yet by reading what you wrote i know you’re sure not feeling that way right now.
i am so sorry this happened to you.
In my 2nd marriage, i dealt with his lies too. One night i got up to go to the bathroom and when i opened the door, there was a strange woman sitting on the toilet bowl! i totally freaked and kept screaming, “Get out of my house, GET THE ….OUT OF MY HOUSE!” Well, she was in the middle of peeing so you can imagine the look of sheer fear on her face.
In my first marriage, it was my cousin who hit on my husband until she finally managed to get him to go out with her. i blamed myself bec i was addicted to alcohol at the time and was always drunk. Trying to anethetize my unhappiness.
When i found out about it, i never had another thing to do with that cousin even when she kept trying to get me to forgive her (which i did but still didn’t want her in my life)and make things OK with us again. Her consequence was winding up in a mental institution bec her quilt and shame of what she did took her over the edge.
Life has a way of catching up to those who wrong us, including our very own selves.
i will share with you what i’ve learned ok? what ever the man is doing…HE IS DOING. We have no control over what they do, i know you know this intellectually. It’s dealing with OUR OWN fears and then going about OUR OWN God given lives doing those things which have nothing to do with THEM.
Since you can’t start over you CAN START AGAIN.
Every day you can start again to admit you are powerless over him and his behavior and DO something special FOR YOURSELF. Harbouring the anger and resentment will wind you up where my cousin was doing something to drive him further away. Please seek counceling if need be.
Sunnie,You are your own beautiful unique self. There is no one just like YOU. Start focusing more on YOU! Let him work his way back to YOU!
i used to check my man’s FaceBook page, i STOPPED DOING IT. i tell myself it’s none of my business. He’s going to do what ever he’s going to do. Do you understand this?
When we are insecure and jealous it makes us do things we have no business doing. i KNOW letting go of a man we really love is hard. We push closure on them or try to make them explain themselves. So,Don’t let go. Keep loving him yet start dating other men. Date yourself. Get focused on YOU!
i hope this helps. Hugs~trisha
Interesting…all female responses!
The article was interesting. From a male perspective, I’m involved right now with someone who has brought a whole host of trust issues into the relationship. It’s extremely difficult but her biggest thing is she insists on me not having ANY contact with my ex. I’m sorry but my ex is a wonderful person and I get on well with her. Not only that, she has told my current girlfriend that she wants nothing more than for my current relationship to work out and that’s it. I known some of you may read this and think, oh please – it sounds so shady. That’s where my defense of this situation stops. Believe it or not, guys are definitely capable of having mature, platonic relationships, even with ex-girlfriends/spouses.
When a relationship is new or in its fledgling stages, trust should be discussed early on under the auspices of – what do I need in this relationship in order to feel loved and secure and to KNOW that I’m the only person you want to be with? It’s different for each person. Not only that, someone in a relationship may unwittingly bulldoze their way into someone’s private space or past too soon or with no sensitivity and take that as meaning, he/she is hiding something. No, maybe they’re not comfortable sharing that yet but it doesn’t mean they won’t. Sometimes our past is a huge thing and in the context of a relationship, opening up about it is often a painful, embarrassing or difficult experience. If you’re with someone and you think they’re hiding something, tell them WHY you want to know. Give them a reason better than: “Because I want to,” or “because you should tell me and that’s that.”
Trust can be built or even re-built but vague generalities around this issue should be avoided like the plague. Yes, trust is absolutely a primary foundation for any relationship, romantic or otherwise but how we approach and draw it out and develop it is not something that is the same from couple to couple, relationship to relationship and that’s worth thinking about. What worked for you and your ex may not be sufficient or may be too much in your current relationship.
Good luck everyone,
Will
Well Will, i applaude you for your courage to speak up for yourself considering all the female responses. Ever wonder why there are always MORE female responses when it comes to TRUST issues? It’s pretty blatant to me.
i have also had to deal with the jealousies about my ex’s! To me, it’s about insecurities and low self esteem on the part of the person who can’t bear it. i had my 2nd husband actually threaten other men that i wanted to stay friends with after we were married.
My most recent boyfriend was almost hysterical when he heard my ex’s voice on my answering machine. i’ve been divorced from the fool for 10 years! To me, He is like the big brother i always wished i had. i have absolutely NO intentions of EVER getting back together with him in any form of a romantic interlude.
Ya know what? When i hear someone i’m dating say negative and hateful things about thier ex and never have ONE thing nice to say, a red flag goes up. When they blame the whole breakup on them,it might as well be THEM who wer the ones who were worse.
Look, as long as i’m in love with the present man, i guess the trust issue is his problem.
Then again, i had a totally platonic relationship with a man for 5yrs. When he met his, now wife, in the beginning she tolerated me. AFTER the marraige, she told him she didn’t want him talking with me any more. So you see, SHE felt “threatened” by me and guess what? He told me how bad he felt about us not being able to be friends any longer bec of her constant nagging him about it. i haven’t heard from him in 7 yrs! She got what she wanted.
Did he do the “right” thing? Really…what do YOU think?
~trisha
Hey now, be nice. The reason there are so many responses from women on this article is probably because it was posted to our women’s site long before it was made available to a wider audience.
Trust is not a gender issue. It’s not that men cheat, it’s that people cheat — men AND women. Both sexes are hurt by it as well.
You’re absolutely right Claire. i know men have their own horror stories yet i feel it’s getting more prevelant nowadays bec woman are tired of being invisible doormats and are in some, maybe not so good way…getting back for the times these issues WERE more resulting from the selfishness of men. i am not seeing too many “antidotes” on here. i have bottomed lined the whole issue for ME which is…to stay anchored in my faith and grounded in MYSELF. To stop all the “drama” of acting out. i may still feel uncomfortable, unrelaxed and unconfident within myself bec of what a man is or isn’t doing to step up to a healthy committed relationship YET CAN continue to have a life that I love with OR without him! i NOW see how i don’t HAVE to tolerate an untrustworthy person for the “sake of love”. i’m DONE pretending everythings “OK” when the TRUTH is… if i’m feeling insecure and shaky, unsafe, unloved, ignored affectionately, emotionally drained and intellecutally unchallenged around another “person”, i don’t NEED to BE with THIS person. i want to be in a healthy, committed relationship where i feel safe, nurtured and cared about(cherished and adored wouldn’t be bad either) Isn’t this what we all want??
Interesting that my comments prompted you to admonish me and tell me to “be nice!!” Is there something specific about what I wrote that you feel was not nice or is it that a male perspective is unwelcome? I don’t think I was anything but respectful and open.
Oh well…
Again, good luck everyone and Merry Christmas :-)
Will
Or maybe your “be nice” comment wasn’t directed at me? Basically, I’m not here to offend anyone, just contribute another POV. If I offended anyone or said something that may have been disrespectful, I need to know. I’m always open to improving my communication skills :-)
Will
Will, you misunderstood me. I was asking Trisha to be nice. After reading her comment it struck me as confrontational and I didn’t want an attack to derail the conversation.
Thanks – I apologize for jumping the gun!! I think Tricia has a lot of passion and energy, which I hope she can direct towards more empowering relationships and having a good, healthy sense of her worth.
Merry Christmas everyone,
Will
My name means a great deal to me… it’s spelled t r i S H A. Thank you Will for recognizing my passion and energy. i’ve learned to start creating a world for myself filled with the things that I love to do. When i focused so much on a boyfriend or husband, i lost most the passion and energy. They drained me of it. For me, a relationship is meant to Compliment the other. i used to think i had to “convince” men of my worth. The more i gave, the more i lost ME. Did you ever see or hear a newborn baby having to DO something to be loved or doted on? Aren’t they simply being themselves and being cuddled and cared for without “convincing” thier parents to love them?(and i AM referring to HEALTHY parents who really wanted the child.) We need to be one another’s “cheerleaders” instead of either one being so insecure and jealous of the other. Mistrust and suspicion are horrible ways to feel yet some USE them to gain control over the other. The world holds many a dysfunctional person doesn’t it? The desire of my heart is to be the best i can be. P.S. Claire…my way of voicing my truth may seem “confrontational” of which i owe no apologee except to say i’m sorry YOU took it that way. It can also be considered as Challenging expressions spoken with Boldness to others. The Truth DOES have it’s way of offending, i agree until it’s absorbed and the Light of it can transform the darkness into acceptance. These blogs are for sharing experience, strength and hope. i believe i did just that! Have a wonderful and safe holiday season to all~triSHA
Trisha,
I’ve corrected my spelling of your name in the earlier comment, it was unintentional.
Specifically the part of your comment that I was referring to was this, “Ever wonder why there are always MORE female responses when it comes to TRUST issues? It’s pretty blatant to me.” It sounded like you were telling Will that all cheaters or even most cheaters are men and which would be both unfair and untrue. While I agree that there are times when the truth is offensive, that’s not the case here. Statistically, trust issues are not gender-specific. Boldness doesn’t come in to it.
since you seem to appreciate a good challenge Claire…i wasn’t implying you were personally attacking me for spelling my name wrong so we can let that one go…
i wasn’t coming against Will either. Only stating a “statistic” regarding trust issues. Every one knows men were the of the greater percentile for being the ones to stray from a relationship and over the years the woman have been catching up. Women were the ones home cooking, cleaning, paying the bills, raising their children…DOING DOING AND DOING! OVER FUNCTIONING! When the man would meet up with a better looking woman who didn’t smell like Comet or baby puke, they had affairs. And go read some of the other blogs like this one and see how many men’s names you find. i’m making MY point and Will (poor thing being in the middle of this) was making his. i applauded him for his courage to share his experience, strength and hope. Boldness in “speech” is what i was referring to. Why don’t you and i let everyone else make up thier own minds from here on?
Can’t seem to help but comment on this. The percent of men that stray may be larger but that doesn’t excempt women. For the most part unless the men are gay, they are straying with women. Quite frankly there are many men who have also endured their share of baby puke and Comet, so I hope that your experience does not automatically transform all men into that generalization. Frankly I resent being grouped together like that.
You say go read other blogs, well that maybe true as well but there is a big but. That is in general women are much more likely to talk about and express their feeling about these things. To do a blog count wouldn’t exactly be a scientific pole of how many men are affected verses women.
Trisha, I can see that this is something you feel very strongly about. We’ve gotten sidetracked here. Trust, or the lack of it, is a deeply personal issue. I wish I could also say that it was an uncommon one.
Help ladies!!! I have tremendous guilt over giving up on my marriage. I fell rightinto a relationship and now I don’t know if I’m styaing because its what I should be doing or if it’s just out of guilt. Here is a list….we moved in together into a place he picked. After three months of living there I find he hasn’t paid the $1750 a month rent and has quite his job….leaving that bill to me who couldn’t afford it. I had just bought a new car when his gets repossesed. He talked me into cosiging his. Months pass of fights and him disappearing…of locked cell phones and locking himself in his office to check email. Finally I find out he has been with another woman the whole time…he explains that away as he was using her for money….yet he took his 5 year old daughter to her house and they went to the zoo while I was working my second job on the weekends. I fell for that only to find out about another woman who showed up at my door and slashed my tires a few weeks later….yet agin I forgave because I see the good in who he can be….we moved to MS and all the sudden he started locking himself in his office till 4 am. I met him on an internet chat so I joined that chat again privatly to see if he was on there….sure enough he sent me an email with pics and said we are so close we shouldn’t waste the opportunity. When I confronted him he of course said he didn’t do anything wrong that he just needed someone to talk to. My trust is shattered…I don’t respet him….on top of that he didn’t pay for his car so guess what the car I cosigned for is now repossessed. He has destroyed my credit and my trust yet I don’t want to just give up….oh he has hit me twice….of course he said I hit him first which I didnt…i was trying to get past him and he grabbed me and threw me against the wall….anyways I am so messed up with guilt over giving up on my marriage that I think I have an unhealthy attachment to trying to make this work when it souldn’t even be a relationship…..please help me…in all relaity this is my first boyfriend and I don’t know what is too much and should I be showing God’s love and forgiveness or is it time to take care of myself.
Dear Michele,
My first response on reading your comment is RUN DON”T WALK! I know that it is never easy to leave a relationship but from what you’ve told us, this is a very unhealthy relationship for you. Yes, we are supposed to forgive and show love but that does not mean you have to stay with someone who treats you so poorly. This is your boyfriend, not your husband. You are not bound to him, you made no vows to him. Dating is supposed to be a way to find out whether or not this is a person you want to build a life with. I think you have your answer, and if that’s the case then you can move on with a clear conscience.
God has called His followers to PEACE and it sure sounds like you don’t have any. i’ve learned to concentrate on my relationship with the LORD MORE and foremost over anyone else. “Cast you cares upon Me as My burdens are light” i’m in love and in a trap with a loser too.
i have a complain
my guy dont act as if he loves me
Dear Mary, are you a committed couple or just dating? We all have our won ways of acting like we love someone. sometimes the mere fact they are still with us could be telling you something.
i have the trust issue also with my bf we been togather for almost seven yrs i’m am nine years older them him he is 28 and im a hot 37 year old lol, well after we was togather for four yrs i found out he was doing oxy the pills and got in a huge fight told him to leave i was heartbrokeing so sad we didnt at that time have any kids togather just two dogs which he took with him a fter a week of him leaveing i started calling wanting him back he was cold as ice with me didnt understand so i called one morning and when he didnt answer i checked his voice mail which i never did before but i heard a message from another woman saying glad you came over and are you gonna stay over and she said “I LOVE YOU” i swear i almost wrecked my car bad day i really didnt think their was another woman just a drug problem well about a month later he called wanted to know if he could come by and bring the dogs over and just talk so i let him well long story short i became a booty call and every time he left it hurt so bad so finally i told him i couldnt do it anymore either we get back togather or end it so we got back togather then i fould out his siter is the one that gave that girl his cell number and encourage them to get togather and still being fake towards me she still to this day she dont know i know anyway we just had a baby boy jan.09,2010 and he is a great daddy but for the last few months a have been have dreams of him leaveing me and that other woman and him leaveing and i have talk to him and told him i’m haveing a hard time with this now and he has been so sweet toward me and trying to console me but not working and i feel im pushing him away if we dont have sex i feel myself thinking oh he’s getting it from someone else everthing now i twist it and think its bad help me if not i know its a matter of time where i will leave and i love this man soooo much but i cant put him through my crazy thoughts and he tells me no matter what i;m thinking he will put up with it intill i trust him and be happy i want to marry this man but i cant intill i fully trust him so please help me and if someone could just cut that thought out of my head then where and when cause i would in a heartbeat lol
Mamie,
It sounds like you have a complicated situation. Would you like to talk to one of our mentors? I really think that they would be able to help. Mentoring is free and confidential, all you have to do is fill out this form and we’ll match you with a mentor who will respond to your questions in email. You have a lot of history with this man, you have a child together, so it’s complicated. I think a mentor could really help.