Comments on: Do You Trust Him?

By: Jamie

Wed, 04 Jan 2012 17:24:32 +0000

Patricia, your confusion is natural. When you have been betrayed by someone it is natural to lose trust in them and resist being hurt by them again. But love is such a resilient aspect of humanity and it does not die quickly. For me, times of uncertainty have been times when my relationship with God becomes so important. God has been true to His promise that as I put my trust in Him, He will direct the path of my life (Proverbs 3:5-6). I know that He will also direct your decisions about your husband if you put your trust in Him and look to Him for guidance. A good step in that direction is to talk with one of our mentors who can help you figure out how to look to God for guidance. Go to http://powertochange.com/discover/talk-to-a-mentor and fill out the Mentor Request Form there. You will never regret it!

By: Trisha

Trisha — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 16:48:42 +0000

@Paticia…LOL…i got mine back too and feel the same way! After i ended it back in March of this year, he left my house and proceeded to “show me a thing or two”…he got kicked out of his place for not paying rent, had to give away all this stuff and eventually took off to CA. He had the nerve to call me as he was bording the train to tell me where he was going and how he still loves me! Geez…what is wrong with these guys?! Even though i knew it was all part of God’s plan, i still cried about it yet got on with my life. 13 days later he emails me and tells me how much he misses and loves me and that i should start thinking about moving to CA. Can you belive this Patricia? Fortunately, i have been in touch with a childhood friend of his for about a year. Found out some really interesting things about his youth. Turns out he’s been quite the ladies man all his life. The gambling is what brings him down. i was glad to get rid of him and i say it like this b/c i didn’t feel like i was “losing” anything. i got my peace and emotional balance back with him gone. i told him off in an email as well as over the phone and i really thought that was it…nope…5 months later, he back! Calling me every day, trying to make all kinds of plans with me as if nothing ever happened. To sum this up,b/c i could go on and on…i have some kind of love for him but the majority of what i’m feeling is Pity. If you know anything about Pity it has it’s roots are in comtempt. Today’s my birthday and he insisted to take me out for breakfast…am i going? YUP…the jerk OWES me Big Time and i’m cashing in! He’s gonna have to work really hard to get me back. Is this “date” another beginning? Not sure only God knows what He’s doing with 8 years of this. Did you know it took 11 yrs of on again off again, for the Prince and Princess to finally get it together and it led to marriage? i keep my options open and am no longer “flypaper” he has to stick to. i’m choosing my freedom and to be open for the perfect man for me to enter my life. i hope the same for you. Happy New Year.

By: patricia

patricia — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 10:48:54 +0000

but the thing is i dont trust my ex but i still love him ive got him back but i dont know what 2 do wit him he is so confusing coz he broke me heart

By: Andrew

Sun, 20 Nov 2011 06:13:59 +0000

Bre,

I understand your confusion as it must be very discouraging to give yourself fully to someone who does respect you. Often when we are in a relationship we are unable to see what others see as a number of statements that you wrote really causes me to question your logic. I think if you would be honest with yourself and read 1 Cor. 13 the chapter on love in the Bible you would discover that your man does not love you and has absolutely no respect for you as someone who God created to be cherished not abused.

God speaks about your confusion in 1. Cor. 13: 12 Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God knows me completely.

I understand that you honestly believe that you are loved by this man who humiliates you and is extremely abusive towards you. The most important aspect in a relationship is a couples relationship with Christ and I am not sure if you are married to this abusive man as if you are the Bible does not accept habitual cheating! Yes people fail as King David did but King David paid dearly for his sin. You don’t need to be used as a doormat who can be done to whatever the flavor of the day he decides to do. One of the suggestions I would make is to contact one of the mentors at http://powertochange.com/discover/talk-to-a-mentor as you are being abused as your man does not love you as actions indicate otherwise. The most important aspect is to seek Christ and ask him to show you what you need to do as he will show you.

By: Bre

Bre — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 04:15:28 +0000

well i love my man unconditionaly,thats first and for most but….i have NO trust in him at all.I have been with him for 3 yrs and alot of it have been lies on his part i know when he cheats i know when he isnt telling the truth i have delt with so much hurt from him from finding condoms in his car to finding a hotel key to numbers in his phone getting a sexualy transmited disease 2 times from him…from me finding out from a female from his past that he was sharing all of our busines with her i can just go on and thats not counting the disrespectful physical things that he has done to me i dont understand why this is going on im so confused becouse i know that he loves me believe it or not he shows alot of love to me. I never give him a reason to think that i have ever cheated. all i have done is be very honest to him in a way i blame my self because at first i was involed with a man and when i started talking to the man im with now i completely tried to cut the other guy off but i think because i was involed with that other guy while i was talking to him that he thinks that i will do the same thing but i have no intention of ever hurting him or leaving him all i have done is EVERYTHING he has ever asked of me i don’t know if i make up excuses for him when he does wrong but i think that i just have alot of faith in him and know that he can be the perfect man that i want him to be im so confused…

By: Lysa

Lysa — Wed, 22 Dec 2010 07:10:19 +0000

Hello,
Well I me and my husband of 5 years had just split up. I was sexually assulted and that had givin him the right to start dating other woman. To my suprise, he is going to go to this former girlfriend for New Years. I had trusted him so much that It actually kicked me in the butt. I kicked him out the house last night because he sent a picture of this woman and her child to mu phone thinking it was sent to his mother. I act like nothing happened than when it was time for bed, he told me he loved me and my daughter so much. Than I just said her name, at that moment he blew up and said ok, thats where I’m going for New Years. And he is also going to file for Divorce. I was shocked but just let him say what he wanted. Now I’m stuck on what to do. He is still txting me saying I will always love you and care for you, I’m just deleting them and ignoring him. He also had his facebook account open, all of a sudden that woman started senting him messages, so I went and checked them out, to my suprise he was chatting with her the same moment he sent the photo to my phone. He says he loves her, he can’t wait to see her and that she is the only woman in his life, and she knows he is married. His mother and family don’t care what is going on just as long as he is happy. I;m fed up and just know I need to move on. I’m so humilated of what a fool he has made me to be.

By: Trisha

Trisha — Thu, 16 Sep 2010 17:27:13 +0000

Claire, i love your analogy of the broken bone. Very simple and makes things very clear. It seems to me we need to REST more in the LORD. There has to come a time where we START valuing someone for who they are NOT who we NEED them to be. It’s like the more we evaulate, judge and try to do a “makeover” on someone, the more upset we get. i have found the more angry i am in or about a situation, is when i’m not accepting people, places and things JUST THE WAY THEY ARE.

By: Claire Colvin

Wed, 15 Sep 2010 23:00:29 +0000

Diane, I’m not sure why the form wasn’t working. I’ve asked our tech guys to take a look at it. In the meantime, I have submitted a mentoring request for you so you should hear form a mentor in the next couple of days.

By: Diane

Diane — Wed, 15 Sep 2010 22:54:53 +0000

Thanks Clair,

I am intrested in spreaking to a mentor i really need someone to talk to, i dont want to give up on my relationship and my family i at least want to try. I was unable to submit my request to speak with a mentor.

By: Claire Colvin

Wed, 15 Sep 2010 22:32:06 +0000

Dear Diane,

I think that the very last sentence of your comment is the heart of the matter. You know he CAN be a great guy, the question is “is he a great guy enough of the time that you can make this work?” You’ve got a good place to start from, he’s says that he loves you and wants to be with you. If you’re both willing to work on things it’s entirely possible that you can be a family together.

Trust is a bit like a bone. If you break it, it’s not fatal, it can be mended, but you have to treat it carefully. You can’t go right back to whatever you were doing when you broke it the last time or it will simply break again. Also, a recently broken bone, just like recently broken trust, is fragile. You have to be careful with it. It doesn’t go back to full strength right away.

I am not a counselor and I would strongly encourage you to see one if you can, but here’s what I think. You love him and he loves you, which is great but it doesn’t mean you automatically trust each other. Your trust has been broken, he cheated. He admits that. So while your trust is healing you need to trust what he does, not what he says. If he says he wants to be with you and he IS with you, you can trust that. If he says he wants to be with you but he goes out and hangs out with other women, then his actions are telling a different story than his words.

If he does what he says he will do, consistently, then over time your trust will heal and you’ll be able to go back to taking him at his word. If he is trying, REALLY trying not just saying that he wants to try, then he will act in a trustworthy manner. If he goes out with people you don’t trust and you tell him your concerns and he does it anyway, then he’s telling you that what he wants is more important to him than restoring his relationship with you. On the other hand, if he does something that makes you uncomfortable and you talk to him about it and he stops doing it, then he’s choosing you, choosing your family and you can trust that. If you would like to talk privately to one of our mentors that can really help too. All you have to do is leave a comment in this form and we’ll match you up with a mentor.

I hope that you can be a family. You know what you want. He needs to decide what he wants. If he wants to be with you, you can make this work.