Comments on: Using Guilt As A Weapon?

By: The List (Part 2): The Source of LISTful Behavior « The Respected Husband

The List (Part 2): The Source of LISTful Behavior « The Respected Husband — Fri, 08 Feb 2013 19:06:21 +0000

[...] Colvin in a post entitled Using Guilt as a Weapon describes the list this way, “Using guilt is never an act of love, it is always an act of [...]

By: Shelley

Mon, 01 Aug 2011 15:41:11 +0000

Guilt! When one is guilty about something or someone. It can dig eep down into your soul for along time and can fester into something that dose not need to happen. I have felt quitly for someone or something andit take along time to get rid of. I have learned not to feel guilty and live peaceful instead.

By: Reby

Reby — Tue, 26 Jul 2011 16:40:10 +0000

There is a great book to get “Love and Respect” it assists one in undersatnding the both sides have to give in order for a love relationship to work..

By: Andrew

Sun, 24 Jul 2011 03:21:45 +0000

Rusty,

One of the suggestions I do have for you is to contact a mentor with Truth Media that you can communicate with on a regular basis. One of the problems with life is that we learn what are parents teach us so as in your case she has been taught very well by her family how to use guilt to manipulate you. This occurred with me in a relationship that I broke off a year ago. The strange thing is that I knew that it was occurring however I did not have the strength to fight it as I did not wish to cause conflict. Christ freed me from this and now I have a fulfilled life and can help others from my life experiences.

I am not certain where Christ fits in your relationship with your wife however if you allow him to enter your relationship and through the power of the Holy Spirit you will gain insight that you never knew you had. The pattern has been established for the last 20 years and it won’t quit now because you are aware of it. If you pray and ask Christ to reveal to you how to deal with the issues that you face in your marriage he will show you. If you do nothing things will stay the same as guilt is a tool used to get something that a person wants.

By: happy

happy — Sun, 17 Jul 2011 08:10:49 +0000

Rusty you are a married man, good on you for lasting this long, every strenght has its weakness, wvery blessing has its sorrow, every marriage has its need for paryer, beer and a sense of humour, carry on in his love…

By: Rusty

Rusty — Tue, 19 Apr 2011 01:37:01 +0000

For 20 years my wife has used guilt as a very effective weapon against me – indeed that is why I married her – I had so much and she had nothing she made me feel so guilty and I fell into her trap. Her father is a master of this tactic and has used it for 60 years to control his wife (my wife’s mother), so my wife has been taught by a hardened professional. Interesting thing is, she doesn’t even know she is doing it. Take our 5 hour trip home from Sydney last night. Just out of Sydney I filled the car with fuel, got back in and headed off, 2 minutes later when we are comfortably on the expressway there was this comment “The trip would have been much better if you had thought to buy me some chocolate” That was the first shot across the bow. The second one came after we got home and she found a small square of old, aged chocolate in the drivers side door pocket – “Oh so you were hiding this chocolate from me, keeping it all for yourself” If I challenge these comments she laughs it off and says she is only teasing me but usually she does make me feel a bit guilty so I try to find something witty and funny to say to defuse the situation – up until now I haven’t been “on the ball” to realise she is testing the water so to speak and leading me into a trap. So back to the trip – an hour after getting home she lets rip and really goes for me because of a comment I made in Sydney about her sleeping in until 11am and then complaining at 2pm just after she had had breakfast “I don’t where the day has gone”.
This secenario has happened so so many times in the last 20 years and it has taken me 20 years to work out what is going on. I have been to 3 counsellors (she would not come) and they have all been useless. I could make a much better consellor – I would simply say to my client “Have a look at your partners family relationships and you will get a good idea of how to get control of the situation”.
From now on I have to keep this though right at the front of my brain “Rusty, she is using guilt to control you, remember that, don’t be sucked in”.
I don’t think my wife consciously does this too me – it is just her way of controlling me for her benefit and Clair Colvin is quite right when she says my wife says she is just being brutally honest, that is exactly what she says – but in fact she is trying to intimidate me and up until last night it has worked. Last night I challenged her when she ripped into me at home and today she is like a stunned fish – I will not let her treat me like this anymore. I am a good husband, I look after her and the children, don’t drink, womanise, abuse her and she needs to appreciate my efforts.