My Wife’s Affair Shattered our Marriage
My wife repeated the sentence I could not understand, ”I’m moving out”.
I searched her eyes for the familiar fire. Seeing none, I thought, ”Who is this woman?” My wife of two years had become an instant stranger.
“What are you saying? Why do you want to leave?”, I asked.
“I’m unhappy and lonely and miserable actually.” There, it was out. “You make me miserable. Maybe with a little distance between us we’ll get closer”.
I touched her arm, but she pulled away as I said, “It doesn’t make any sense. How can distance make us closer?”
Video: How can you affair-proof your marriage?
Guarding your marriage: Do a Life Lesson on love
I stood frozen, as I begged, “Please don’t go now. Can’t you wait until tomorrow?”
She silently picked up her suitcase, flung her purse over her shoulder, and with a dramatic toss of her hair, walked out our front door.
A hidden affair
I knew that I hadn’t been the best husband, and that I got angry at her too often. I knew that my need to be right often made her wrong.
I knew that, lately, she had been distant. But I didn’t know that my wife was having an affair.
During the month Nancy was gone, I was a mess. Each time I called her, I would start to cry and ask her what I could do to get her to come home, but she answered my questions with one-word sentences. Then she would abruptly say, ”I gotta go”, and hang up.
I asked friends to “spy” on her, and they told me that she seemed fine … happy. They told me to move on with my life and try to accept the fact that she was gone. When Nancy told me she was filing divorce papers, I believed that our marriage was over.
Then, one night, after a miraculous change of heart, (read Nancy’s book Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome for the full story) she came home and said, “I’ve been lying to you for months, but I’m going to tell the truth now. Ask me anything.”
“Is there another man? Are you having an affair?”
She looked away and whispered, “Yes, with a man at work. But it ends today. I’m going to quit my job tomorrow and I will never see him again. I hope that you will take me back and we can stay married.”
Rebuilding our marriage
The decision to forgive came quickly, but the rebuilding of our marriage took a long time. I would feel good one day and hopeless the next. Then she would get frustrated and confused. There might be a week where we would be caring and loving, and then we’d slip into old patterns and have to remind ourselves to get back on track.
When we got back together, it was a good day if we were just polite to each other. If we could say “please” and “thank you” and not fight or yell,. That was as much as we could have hoped for.
The first thing we did was get godly advice from a wise Christian couple. Then we spent several months seeing a Christian marriage counselor. We got involved in our church’s couples group, and started reading marriage materials. We knew we had to find out, “Okay, what does a husband do? What is my role? What does that look like?” She had to find out, “What is a Godly wife supposed to do?” We learned Biblical principles and found practical ways to apply them.
Another important ingredient to healing was that we offered each other mercy while we were trying to change.
When we slipped up, we tried not to get too bent out of shape over it because we both knew we were trying. It was like we were two parallel pendulums swinging back and forth, just missing each other. But through self-control and studying God’s Word, and putting those principles into our marriage, eventually we became like two pendulums, swinging in sync–together. But it took time, self-control, and a strong commitment.
Many of the habits we had established were very difficult to break. Before, we would be waiting for the other person to make a mistake so we could point it out. But when we began this new cycle. I was trying to please her and she was trying to please me.
A new personal mission
Probably the one thing that helped me the most was the verse in 1 Peter 3:7 where it instructs me to dwell with my wife in understanding. For years and years, every comedian on television says, “Oh, I can’t understand my wife”. It’s the proverbial joke in our culture. But if the Bible tells us to dwell with our wives in understanding, it must be possible.
I did not ask for details of Nancy’s affair. I didn’t want obsess about what she did and where she did it. When the thoughts of her with him came to taunt me, I didn’t allow them to stay. Instead, I chose to think about the future we were building. I took the advice I read in the Bible in Philippians 4:8 which reminded me to think about things that were pure, admirable, lovely and good.
I made it my personal mission to try to understand my wife.
I learned that my wife is more sensitive than my buddy. I can tease and make wise cracks at my friend’s expense, and he’s just going to respond with a playful insult. But when I make fun of my wife, it breaks her down emotionally and spiritually. It hurts her and she pulls away from me.
I learned that if my wife says, “You’re’ tailgating and it’s scaring me”, I should stop tailgating. If I love her, why would I want to frighten her? The more I understood about my wife, and respected those God-given differences, the less we argued. We used to have brush fire arguments - they are the little spats that turn into World War III in 90 seconds. As we worked to extinguish the brushfires, the intimacy grew, and our love grew.
Soon, Nancy realized how much my forgiveness meant to her. She thanked me many times for being willing to take her back. She treated me with new respect and I began to appreciate her.
25 years later
I never regretted my choice to forgive Nancy. It’s been over 25 years since Nancy’s affair but we’ve never stopped learning from it.
Her affair was a symptom of a terminally ill marriage. I’m not excusing her behavior, but I was not an attentive, loving, encouraging husband. She repeatedly told me how sad, lonely, and discouraged she felt and I selfishly tried to talk her out of her needs. I didn’t compliment her enough and I was not the spiritual leader of our home. Our marriage was a mess and a lot of that was my fault.
We choose to take the value system God has for marriage and though our emotions may change, God’s standard doesn’t change and He is there to help us.
Our theory is: always be fine-tuning your relationship. Never let your guard down for a moment. Never take each other for granted and be careful not to get caught up in emotions because our emotions can deceive us.
We are amazed at how far we’ve come – we laugh a lot now and really enjoy each other. Our 22-year-old son often sees us holding hands and sees that we are living examples of mercy and restoration.
We had a broken home – but with the Lord’s help and a lot of work, it’s fully restored–stronger than before. My wife’s affair shattered our marriage but God redeemed what was lost and restored our marriage!
For more information about Ron and Nancy’s story, go to their marriage blog at www.joyfulmarriage.blogspot.com or read Nancy’s book, Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome:How to Grow Affair Proof Hedges Around your Marriage.
Wow Mark! You have been hit from every side: your marriage, your business, your health. It kind of reminds me of the story of Job in the Bible. He also questioned why God allowed him to stay alive. Job is a great example of how we can honestly go through tragedy. Job didn’t pull any punches with God; he was persistent in telling God that the treatment he was receiving was not fair and that he wanted to know why he had to deal with all of the pain. Through it all Job still honoured God but he honestly poured out his frustration and pain before God. And in the middle of Job’s honest, vulnerable and blunt words to God, the Creator of the universe met with him in a whole new way. God never tried to answer Job’s “Why?” or but showed Himself to Job in such a deep and real way that Job could only fall down on his face and worship God. Job said, “Before my ears had heard of You but now my eyes have seen You.” (Job 42:5)
I don’t know why God has allowed all of this stuff to happen to you Mark. I can’t imagine how devastating that would be. But I do know that if you honestly come to God and persistently demand to be heard, He will show Himself to you.
Do you have people in your life that can help you listen to God? Job’s friends weren’t much help because they got caught up in trying to defend God and accuse Job. God doesn’t need that kind of help but there are people who will help you to listen to God and hear what He has to say to you. You will find those kinds of people amongst our online mentors. They will help you to hear God’s voice in the Bible and to pursue Him in prayer. If you fill out the form at http://powertochange.com/discover/talk-to-a-mentor one of our mentors will send you an email to start the conversation.
Let me pray for you: Lord God there is no easy way to respond to a person in Mark’s circumstances. I ask Lord that Your purposes would be accomplished in his life. I pray that You would provide for his needs physical, material, emotional, relational and spiritual. Lead and guide him in making wise choices. Give him strength to face all the challenges that come at him. Lift him out of the muck of despair and depression and place him on the solid ground of faith in You alone. Amen.
My wife of 35 years had an 11 month affair with her high school sweetheart. I discovered it a year and 8 months ago. She has done nothing but lie to me. I was willing to forgive and make our marriage work. She said she was remorseful and wanted to stay married, but I kept finding where she was looking for him on the computer. She would continue to promise me that it would stop and it was over and I should get over it and move on but she kept looking. We went to therapy but she would lie to the therapist. Her stories changed so many times I broke out laughing one time. I had heard 4 stories all completely different. Finally one year later I found her still looking. I was over our marriage at that point. She continued to lie to me for a year after she stopped the affair and kept promising me it was nothing. She wants to stay married but I don’t. I was in the hospital 5 years ago for six months and one day. There are only .6% of the people that ever live through what I had. I am self employed but I cannot work 40 hours a week, 30 is about tops. I cannot make enough money to live separate and keep my company going. I am stuck and cannot leave. It is very difficult to have sex with her. She knows I am not happy and do not want to stay married but she does. Being alone is her greatest fear. I prayed to God why did he save my life to make me go through all this agony. Emotional pain is far worse than physical pain. It was difficult to being a successful business man, a good father and husband and in 5 years it is all gone. My kids still love and support me. I had insurance but it stopped at one million, I still owed nearly 4 million. I had a net worth of over 3 million but I had to file bankruptcy because I could not pay back 4 million. I lost everything, my retirement, my wife, my self esteem, and my company is only a shell of what it was 5 years ago because I cannot work enough and still get days where I am too sick to go to work. I am a lost soul wandering through the muck of despair and depression.
Scott let me invite you to talk with one of our online mentors. They can be great people to share with and explore possible next steps. You will find a Mentor Request Form at http://powertochange.com/discover/talk-to-a-mentor
I need someone who’s been through this to email me please [it is our policy not to publish personal contact information]
Mary, that must have been a terrible thing to hear from your husband. Being betrayed by your best friend and husband is a huge loss. I have some friends who went through similar situation. It was such a blow for her to find out that her husband and best friend (of many, many years) had been sleeping together. The friend and her husband (both leaders in their church) were going through a breakdown in their marriage and she had found a sympathetic ear in my friend’s husband. One thing led to another and soon they were meeting for sex. It was a devastating indiscretion that rocked two families, their church and the small towns where they lived.
I share that because today, some 12 years later, both marriages are intact, the friendship has been renewed and it was only possible because of Jesus Christ’s involvement. I know things seem very bleak right now but I would encourage you to look to Jesus for your strength, comfort and wisdom for knowing how to move forward. He can take this awful mess that your husband and friend have made and create something that defies explanation. Another couple who tell their story of betrayal and reconciliation are the Scruggs. You can watch them explain how Jesus made a difference in their broken marriage at http://powertochange.com/iamsecond/i-do-again.
I know that right now things seem overwhelming but Jesus promises that He will carry you through this storm and give you rest. You may be familiar with the 23rd Psalm which says, “The LORD is my shepherd; I have everything I need. He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams. He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name. Even when I walk through the dark valley of death, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me. You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies. You welcome me as a guest, anointing my head with oil. My cup overflows with blessings. Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the LORD forever.” Even in the presence of those who have betrayed you He will fill your life with an overflowing blessing. Even in the dark valley when you don’t know where you are going and you don’t know where the next tragedy is going to come from, He is right there with you, guarding and comforting and guiding you all the way. All of my friends, the ones who betrayed and the ones who were betrayed, would all testify to the truth of that Psalm. Jesus is the Good Shepherd and with His help you can face anything.
Let me invite you to talk with one of our online mentors who can help you discover how Jesus wants to help you through these dark days. You will find a Mentor Request Form at http://powertochange.com/discover/talk-to-a-mentor.
Lord God I pray for Mary. She needs to experience Your comfort right now because she does not know where to turn. The ones she should have trusted have betrayed her and she is still reeling from the hurt. God I ask that You would guide her through this dark valley that she is in and protect her from further hurt. Bring people into her life who can help her to find strength in You. I pray for her husband and friend that they too would discover how You can lead them in the wake of their cruel choices, and heal their hearts as well. I pray for their daughter that You would protect her from the hurt that can come through this broken trust. I pray that You would intercede and create a miracle out of this mess. In Jesus’ name, amen.
Joe D, I want to expand on what you wrote “our faith tells us to forgive”. If it was just a matter of our faith telling us to forgive we could choose not to or legalistically forgive but not really forgive in our hearts. But as a follower of Jesus we are no longer just follower of a faith but we have been transformed so that our hearts reflect the character of God Himself. Since God is a forgiving God we too have a strong desire to forgive others. That’s why you are struggling with this right now: yes, your heart is broken because of what your wife has done, but your transformed heart is also crying out to extend forgiveness to your wife the same way that Christ has extended forgiveness to you. That desire in your heart is something to thank God for. It is evidence that He is in control of your life and creating the character of Christ in you.
To me, that is an exhilarating truth to know because if Christ’s character is being formed in you then you can also trust that He will guide you on how to respond to your wife (and every other situation in your life as well, but this is what we are talking about right now…) So my encouragement to you is to ask God to help you to let go of the stress of what to do. You don’t need to add that to your already strained emotions. Remember that Jesus promised “Come to me all of you who are weary and weighed down, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28) Also, talk to God about what He wants you to do. Remember that reassuring Proverb “Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do and He will direct your paths.” (Proverbs 3:5) That is not just a pithy saying. It is the promise of God! He will direct all aspects of your life. He also promised, “I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans to give you a hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11) His plans for you include how you can respond to your wife’s hurtful infidelity. Forgiveness will be a part of whatever He leads you to but it may be that He directs you to stay with her and rebuild your marriage together. It may be that He leads you to a separation or even divorce (I would really want to make sure that it was God that was directing me toward divorce before I make any moves in that direction). Whatever it is you can know that God has a plan for you, for your daughters and for your wife. He will accomplish that plan in His perfect way. But in your heart you will know what it means to forgive: if you remain married you will not hold that over her like some kind of control tactic, if you separate you will not harbour bitterness and anger towards her. As you trust in the Lord and seek His will He will fill your heart with a pure forgiveness that can only be described as divine.
So how do you seek God’s will? Pray! In any and every circumstance talk to Him. Let him know about your anger and hurt no matter how dark it is. Tell him about your concerns for your daughters and for your own future happiness. Ask Him how He wants you to respond when your wife says or does something. Talk and listen to Him. He is there and He is listening and speaking.
Also, scour the Bible for direction from Him. There isn’t anything that He will tell you to do that is opposed to what He has revealed in His Word, the Bible. So know what it says about marriage and divorce; about forgiveness and repentance; about love and selflessness. He will speak to you through the Bible but you will also be prepared to identify the lies that come to you from other sources.
Also, immerse yourself in a community of followers of Jesus who can support you, encourage you, correct you, and direct you. God often uses other people to speak to us and so we need to be in a place where we are vulnerable before other followers of Jesus and where they can show us God’s love. Asking your question here is a part of that kind of vulnerability and openness to God speaking through other people.
The more you engage in these activities the more your heart and mind will be sensitized to the voice of God and be able to follow where He leads you. Remember Jesus saying, “My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.” (John 10:27) You will learn to know His voice and He will give you the courage to follow Him no matter what.
Lord God I pray for Joe D. You know the deep hurt that he suffers because of his wife’s unfaithfulness. You know the confusion in his heart of knowing what to do. I pray that You would grant him peace. I pray that You would give him rest from the stress. I pray that You would guide his steps and help him to hear and follow Your leading. I pray for his daughters. Guard their hearts from bitterness. Protect them from the hurt of broken families. Help them to also hear Your voice and know Your peace and leading in their lives. I pray for Joe’s wife. Help her to be truly repentant. Heal her emotions from the depression that has held her captive for so long. Guide her steps towards reconciliation with her husband and family and set her feet on Your path forever. Heal this family O Lord and through this terrible hurt produce something beautiful. In Jesus’ name, amen.
Its been a month since my husband told me about his 2 months affair with my best friend whom we always hung out with. He would meet up with her during lunch break and bring her to our home and have sex while I am at work. I am devasted and we have a 2 year old daughter together. My husband is remorseful and wants to stay with me but I cannot love him again. I cannot forget the affair. Every time I look at hime, I remember her. Its so painful. I just want to die.
I have been married for 14 years, i have 2 daughters, 13 and 10, i recently discovered my wife was having an affair, lasted about 2 months…she has suffered from depression all of our married life, i don’t know what to do…the Christian in me wants to forgive her for the sake of our family and children….but i cant seem to get there….she is remorseful and realizes what i’m dealing with….half of me wants her to leave, and the other half wants to protect what we have…i have put her up on a pedastool for 14 years, so i’m obviously crushed….my daughters will be devastated if we get divorced, i’m the one that takes them to mass each week and our faith tells us to forgive….i dont know what to do
You’re right Len, it is a brutal thing to hear that your spouse has betrayed your love like that. Fortunately there is hope for reconciliation. Jesus is able to rebuild broken marriages and make them more beautiful than they were before. I have referred people to go and see the story of the Scruggs at http://powertochange.com/iamsecond/i-do-again. I have friends as well who have had marriages rocked by infidelity and affairs that God is healing and making new. It is a wonderful thing to see.
To answer your question, I am a man, husband of one wife and father of 4.
Thanks for your post Jaime
Maybe you are right.. I am not an expert..I just saw how devastated and torn my friend is after his wife told him about her affair which she had ended quite some time ago. By the way Jaime are you a man or a lady I am curious since i think both may have different views..
Thanks for the clarification Len. I would still be concerned that the results of your test may not be as easy to read as one might like. I don’t think you can beat the long-term relational strength that comes from open, honest communication. If one partner is not convinced that he/she can trust what they are being told the best way to foster truth is by being open and honest about it. Passing a ‘test’ will not provide any more certainty that the other person is being honest.
Jaime
I am not asking him to follow her suggestion but to see her reaction. Even if she feels she deservaes it.. the fact she is willing to “let u go” implies that her need to keep youy witgh her is not strong.. and that is what is he needs to find out..
That is an interesting suggestion Len. I don’t know if I would want to put somoene in that position. She may feel guilty about her bad choice and say “Ok” because she feels like she deserves that kind of punishment. I don’t think it helps to manipulate but rather to be open and honest in your communication with one another. A marriage needs that kind of foundation in order to grow strong.
Jeremy
Here is a test to see if your wife wants you in her life..
Ask her point blnak ” Can I have an affair too”
this is a test.. If she says “ok” then she dont care for u
On the pther hand she says “please dont..” then u know she wants to be in a relationship with u
Nicole,
It must be so hard to go through this in your marriage. Mistakes can often haunt us but not telling your husband about it will only make it harder on your heart. Telling your husband of this mistake may sound like the hardest thing you could ever do but do you really want to spend the rest of your life keeping this from him? How do you think you would react if he had been keeping a secret such as this from you? You said you’re scared and sad. If it’s a secret you’ve been carrying around for a year, do you think he has noticed a change in you? If it’s something that has weighed heavily on you I would think it would affect all areas of your relationship. Have you tried to prepare yourself for such a conversation with your husband? Have you thought about seeing a counselor? A professional could help you walk through this trouble in your marriage. You could ask your husband to come with you and talk through it together.
Although I don’t know how your husband will react upon this confession, I can assure you the Holy Spirit has not abandoned you. Nor is this affair an unforgivable sin. Hebrews 13:5 says “God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.’” God has promised not to leave us and He sent the Holy Spirit to be our counselor. God says in His word that he won’t leave us. Even if it feels like you have nothing to hold onto in your uncertainty, hold onto that. If you would like to continue this conversation privately you can sign up for an online mentor to talk with you through whatever you’re feeling. I would also like to pray for you.
Lord God, I pray that you would be with Nicole as she struggles with confessing to her husband. I pray that you would guide her through what it would take to make admit what she’s done. I pray that you would heal her marriage and heal her heart. I pray that when she feels like you’re not with her that she would seek you in your word and that you would speak volumes. I pray that Nicole wouldn’t feel haunted by this secret but that you would give her wisdom in this time. Thank you that she recommitted her life to you and I pray that she would continue to seek your will in this situation. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
James,
Whether or not your wife’s affair was emotional or physical, trying to trust her again must be difficult. Have you and your wife seen a counselor since her affair? Is seeing a professional something either of you have talked about? You said you just want her to tell the truth. Have you been able to talk about that openly with her? Do you think it’s possible to forgive her and rebuild your marriage? I’m not sure how long ago you learned of your wife’s affair but it sounds like the wounds are still raw. Is there someone you trust and feel you can talk to about what you’re going through? If you’d like, you can sign up for an online mentor. Talking to a mentor could be a good start as our mentors are available to walk with you through anything you might be struggling with in your marriage.
I’m not sure if you come from a faith background or not but I would like to pray for you.
Lord God, I pray for James as he struggles in his marriage. I pray that you would help he and his wife to work through the pain in their marriage after her affair. I pray that you would restore honesty and openness in their relationship and that you would be a comfort to them both in this time. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Jeremy,
I’m so sorry to hear about what you’ve been going through in your marriage. It’s understandable that you’re still angry with your wife and that you want her to take responsibility for what she’s done. You’re still grieving the loss of trust between the two of you. You said you’ve regained all that you wanted in the months you were away. Is the idea of your family and the life you had the only thing that brought you back to your marriage? Is reconciling with your wife something you really want to do? Do you think it’s still possible for you to forgive her? You said you don’t want to face her some days. Are there certain triggers or thoughts that come to mind when you feel that way? The road back after an affair can be a very long one. Rebuilding trust can take a long time. This article may provide more insight on rebuilding that trust. Your wife’s actions hurt you greatly and it sounds like you’re not sure if you can go back to the way it was. Staying in the mindset that things will never get better isn’t fair to you, your wife or your children, as you mentioned. Is there a way you can work toward trusting your wife again? It may happen in very small increments but it is possible after an affair. It’s not easy but that cycle doesn’t have to last forever.
You said you just want to be happy. If you’re not happy with your wife right now, I can imagine it would be hard for you to appreciate everything else you’ve regained since you returned home. Have you and your wife seen a counselor? A counselor could help greatly with the pain your feeling as you work toward rebuilding your relationship. If you have a circle of supportive friends, the ability to have someone walk through this with you could be enormously helpful. If you’d like to talk to someone online, I would recommend signing up for an online mentor. Our mentors are available to talk you through whatever you’re feeling in your marriage.
Jeremy
Have a talk with your wife and ask her if she wants to be with you..
If the answer is yes.. ask her to demonstrate that by doing everything she can to heal your hurt..
Whatever be the reason the infidelity is her responsiblity and it is the job of the responsible person to ensure that 1) it will never occur again and 2) she will do all she can to restore your emotional state.. Pleas tell her your feelings are hurt and if she does not want to do what it takes to heal u.. the marrige is over.. Tell he that in no uncertain terms
GOd Bless
Its been nearly 5 months since I learned of my wife’s infidelity. I moved back home almost 1 month ago. Things are still extremely difficult for me, but I’m really trying to give her a chance. Some days I’m good. Then out of nowhere it all hits me and I’m like a monster waiting to destroy her. I can’t even stand the sound of her voice when I’m in that mood. I’m trying to find that fine line between allowing her to blame it all on her bipolar disorder and making sure she takes responsibility as my wife and the mother of my children. Some days I don’t even want to go home from work. It’s a sick mind game now. I’ve got my wife, kids, and home back. I’ve got everything Ive been missing so much. Why can’t I just be happy with it? I can’t spend the rest of my life wondering if she’s gonna do it again, or wondering what she’s doing when I’m not there, or who she’s talkin to on the phone, etc. That’s a crummy way of life and it’s not fair to anyone. Seems like I’ll be stuck with this cycle of thought forever.
Hello my name is james my wife had an emotional affair. She assures me it was never physical. I do believe it was even though she insists it wasn’t. She had the time and the opportunity and her story doesn’t stay consistent. I don’t think any of this truly matters I just really want the truth and stop being lied to
Nicole
The fact that you are grieving is good enough. If there is no evidence and your husband will never know.. put it behind you. Please dont put your husband thtough the pain by telling him and end up hurting him and yourself.. Please remember ” neither will I condemn you.,” He said..
DOnt worry GOds ability to forgive is limitlesss.. Do all that u can to make your husband happy and that will be good enough..and your “fall” will be but a memory. you can contact me at [ed's note: email address removed as it is our policy not to publish contact information on this site] we can talk and pray together..
GOd blesss
ONE year later my affair still haunts me. It was a ONE time thing with an ex-boyfriend. To say I made a mistake is an understatement. There is no good excuse that will ever justify what I did. I have never shared this with anyone. This secret boils in my soul daily. I have re-commited myself to Christ & have lived right since, but I am sad & scared. I do not even know where to begin when it comes to confessing this to my husband. He is such a good man & did not deserve this. I feel alone & I feel that the Holy Spirit has abandoned me…
I think friend Jesus is the way of your happiness now… pray hard to lord as he will definitively helps you out,, as jesus wants to save you marriage believe him..
watch a bible based movie called “FIREPROOF” by alex kendrick.
it will helps you out
Jaime
Thanks for your post
I shared this with my friend and his wife.. ( i know both for several years)…
She told me that any excitement she felt was shallow and shortlived and what she felt later was guilt fear and shame.
I told her to tell that to her husband..and that would help…
Thanks anyway for your input..
Len, I am not sure that a “counter affair” would accomplish anything positive in the relationship. My mother always said “Two wrongs don’t make a right” and I have seen that it is true. Having an affair in response to a spouse’s affair will only build on the distrust and dissatisfaction that both couples have in their marriage. The beauty of sexual intimacy between a husband and wife is the deep level of trust and vulnerability that they have with each other. It is a physical affirmation of the joy and pleasure that comes from being united in spirit. But when sex is viewed only as a means of physical pleasure it destroys the deeper connection that is there. For your friend to cheapen his relationship with his wife by engaging in a casual hook-up with another woman will make it so much more difficult to heal the brokenness in their marriage. Yes, she took the first shot at breaking their marriage but it will not be fixed by adding to the breaking off trust.
Ron..
Did you ever have the desire to have a “counter affair” to “take revenge”
My friend is in the same situation that you are.. He says he forgives his wife but at the same time is asking her “permission ” to have his “affair”
Hi Melinda, I have put you in touch with a mentor. They should respond to you in a short time. Thank you for contacting us. I pray you will find some help from our mentoring program and from our loving God.
Hi Jeremy,
I am so sad to hear about your pain. I have not personally experienced what you have but have several close family/friends who have. I know from their experiences, that there isn’t much that is more painful that infidelity. Due to your comments about your drinking, “destructive” behavior, and “loveless existence”, I am going to put you in touch with one of our mentors. We have a mentoring program where we match up people who have gone through what you have and are able to listen to you and provide you with comfort and resources. I think it may help to speak to someone who understands what you are going through. That being said, I will personally pray for you that you would find peace and love again.
My life is spiraling out of control since my wifes infidelity. Im drinking a lot. Yesterday I drank all day, then went out last night and continued to drink. I drove myself home. I was so drunk that I ended up going the wrong way and didnt realize it until I was in the next county. I dont even remember leaving the bar. I dont know what Im doing. Im stuck in a dark place. Ive been so destructive lately. I feel like such a failure. The pain of my loveless existence is gut wrenching. I miss my children. I miss my home. I miss the life I had. I miss her and I love her. Why? I wanted to make it work. But she doesnt act as if she wants to make it work. Why cant I just move on? I dont want to hurt anymore.
I would like a mentor we need help. Thank you
Hi Kia J,
I have talked to our mentor coordinator and she has confirmed that you have been matched with a mentor and you will hear very soon from them.
Leah
Hi Kia j,
I will talk to our mentor coordinator and see what is going on.
Leah
Hi Leah and Claire! I sent in a mentor request about 3-4 days ago…i still havent heard anything!
hello leah!
I signed up for a mentor 3-4 days ago and i havent heard anything yet…
i sent it today…
@leah…yes leah i need a mentor and prayer. I have always considered myself spiritual and believed in prayer. its just lately alot has been going on and it has been really hard on me and my faith…
Hi Kai J, It usually takes a few days to hear back from your mentor. When did you send in your request?
@leah…i would like a mentor. i signed up earlier but i have not heard anything back…i would love to have one help me through the process. i have always considered myself a spiritual praying person. it is just lately, it has been a lot on me:(