I share that because today, some 12 years later, both marriages are intact, the friendship has been renewed and it was only possible because of Jesus Christ’s involvement. I know things seem very bleak right now but I would encourage you to look to Jesus for your strength, comfort and wisdom for knowing how to move forward. He can take this awful mess that your husband and friend have made and create something that defies explanation. Another couple who tell their story of betrayal and reconciliation are the Scruggs. You can watch them explain how Jesus made a difference in their broken marriage at http://powertochange.com/iamsecond/i-do-again.

I know that right now things seem overwhelming but Jesus promises that He will carry you through this storm and give you rest. You may be familiar with the 23rd Psalm which says, “The LORD is my shepherd; I have everything I need. He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams. He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name. Even when I walk through the dark valley of death, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me. You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies. You welcome me as a guest, anointing my head with oil. My cup overflows with blessings. Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the LORD forever.” Even in the presence of those who have betrayed you He will fill your life with an overflowing blessing. Even in the dark valley when you don’t know where you are going and you don’t know where the next tragedy is going to come from, He is right there with you, guarding and comforting and guiding you all the way. All of my friends, the ones who betrayed and the ones who were betrayed, would all testify to the truth of that Psalm. Jesus is the Good Shepherd and with His help you can face anything.

Let me invite you to talk with one of our online mentors who can help you discover how Jesus wants to help you through these dark days. You will find a Mentor Request Form at http://powertochange.com/discover/talk-to-a-mentor.

Lord God I pray for Mary. She needs to experience Your comfort right now because she does not know where to turn. The ones she should have trusted have betrayed her and she is still reeling from the hurt. God I ask that You would guide her through this dark valley that she is in and protect her from further hurt. Bring people into her life who can help her to find strength in You. I pray for her husband and friend that they too would discover how You can lead them in the wake of their cruel choices, and heal their hearts as well. I pray for their daughter that You would protect her from the hurt that can come through this broken trust. I pray that You would intercede and create a miracle out of this mess. In Jesus’ name, amen.

To me, that is an exhilarating truth to know because if Christ’s character is being formed in you then you can also trust that He will guide you on how to respond to your wife (and every other situation in your life as well, but this is what we are talking about right now…) So my encouragement to you is to ask God to help you to let go of the stress of what to do. You don’t need to add that to your already strained emotions. Remember that Jesus promised “Come to me all of you who are weary and weighed down, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28) Also, talk to God about what He wants you to do. Remember that reassuring Proverb “Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do and He will direct your paths.” (Proverbs 3:5) That is not just a pithy saying. It is the promise of God! He will direct all aspects of your life. He also promised, “I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans to give you a hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11) His plans for you include how you can respond to your wife’s hurtful infidelity. Forgiveness will be a part of whatever He leads you to but it may be that He directs you to stay with her and rebuild your marriage together. It may be that He leads you to a separation or even divorce (I would really want to make sure that it was God that was directing me toward divorce before I make any moves in that direction). Whatever it is you can know that God has a plan for you, for your daughters and for your wife. He will accomplish that plan in His perfect way. But in your heart you will know what it means to forgive: if you remain married you will not hold that over her like some kind of control tactic, if you separate you will not harbour bitterness and anger towards her. As you trust in the Lord and seek His will He will fill your heart with a pure forgiveness that can only be described as divine.

So how do you seek God’s will? Pray! In any and every circumstance talk to Him. Let him know about your anger and hurt no matter how dark it is. Tell him about your concerns for your daughters and for your own future happiness. Ask Him how He wants you to respond when your wife says or does something. Talk and listen to Him. He is there and He is listening and speaking.

Also, scour the Bible for direction from Him. There isn’t anything that He will tell you to do that is opposed to what He has revealed in His Word, the Bible. So know what it says about marriage and divorce; about forgiveness and repentance; about love and selflessness. He will speak to you through the Bible but you will also be prepared to identify the lies that come to you from other sources.

Also, immerse yourself in a community of followers of Jesus who can support you, encourage you, correct you, and direct you. God often uses other people to speak to us and so we need to be in a place where we are vulnerable before other followers of Jesus and where they can show us God’s love. Asking your question here is a part of that kind of vulnerability and openness to God speaking through other people.

The more you engage in these activities the more your heart and mind will be sensitized to the voice of God and be able to follow where He leads you. Remember Jesus saying, “My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.” (John 10:27) You will learn to know His voice and He will give you the courage to follow Him no matter what.

Lord God I pray for Joe D. You know the deep hurt that he suffers because of his wife’s unfaithfulness. You know the confusion in his heart of knowing what to do. I pray that You would grant him peace. I pray that You would give him rest from the stress. I pray that You would guide his steps and help him to hear and follow Your leading. I pray for his daughters. Guard their hearts from bitterness. Protect them from the hurt of broken families. Help them to also hear Your voice and know Your peace and leading in their lives. I pray for Joe’s wife. Help her to be truly repentant. Heal her emotions from the depression that has held her captive for so long. Guide her steps towards reconciliation with her husband and family and set her feet on Your path forever. Heal this family O Lord and through this terrible hurt produce something beautiful. In Jesus’ name, amen.

To answer your question, I am a man, husband of one wife and father of 4.

Here is a test to see if your wife wants you in her life..
Ask her point blnak ” Can I have an affair too”
this is a test.. If she says “ok” then she dont care for u
On the pther hand she says “please dont..” then u know she wants to be in a relationship with u