Rebuilding Trust
Has your trust been broken? Talk to a mentor today.
One of my clients once asked me what it means to trust another human being. She wanted to know how she should react when a spouse or significant other is dishonest, inconsiderate or having an affair. She wondered if it is possible to rebuild trust in someone who disappoints us greatly.
What does trusting someone signify?
Trust, in a practical sense, means that you place confidence in someone to be honest with you, faithful to you, keep promises, vows and confidences and not abandon you. Here are some factors to consider about trust. Trusting another person requires a realistic perspective about people and an expectation of failure. Trust needs to be combined with a willingness to forgive and grows best in an environment of acceptance and love.
There’s no magic machine, you don’t put in a quarter and out drops a can of trust — trust grows over time. People are complex, broken beings therefore, previous hurts, fears or losses can impede their determination to trust and/or be truthful in a relationship. But, people have the capacity and the ability to change and to grow in trust and truthfulness. You can rebuild trust in broken relationships when you make a choice to do so with the supernatural help of God.
Adjust your expectations
A Conversation about Love & God
Has love betrayed you? Is it preventing you from believing that you are a human being who is loved by God? You are intelligent, beautiful, loved, and not alone.
People are human, frail, and sinful. Therefore, you need a realistic type of trust when you choose to trust someone. Trusting grows in relationships over time because as you spend time together with someone you build knowledge, understanding and authenticity. You gain insight into another person’s character, needs, motivations and fears.
Unconditional love develops trust because as you express this kind of love towards someone — generally he or she will sense your acceptance and feel comfortable to be vulnerable and honest about their feelings. Unconditional love actually builds self-esteem in others and alleviates their fears of rejection. People learn that they can be authentic with you about their feelings, opinions, and failures. The result is a growing trust in the other person. Not because that person is perfect but because that person is growing in honesty.
Unconditional love is patient and kind
It is not self-seeking. It does not keep a record of wrongs. When love is not patient or enduring; when love is unforgiving and always disappointed or looking for something to go wrong, it generates fear and looks for imperfections in the other person. Fear-based love is conditional creating an atmosphere of distrust, dishonesty and instability.
You can have a limited trust in people as you grow to know them and they see you really care about them but the fact is that people will let us down. That is reality. Obviously, when someone has broken their vows and been unfaithful, has lied or been dishonest in the relationship, they need to change. You can make some requests for change and take the risk of starting over again. Get counseling and pastoral guidance. You can find a counselor or go to the nearest mental health center. If you are suicidal please contact 911 (in the USA & Canada) or go to a hospital emergency room.
If that person is not sincere about changing and continues to lie or betray you, then, you need to consider whether to end the relationship.
Take a look at yourself as well
You will never be perfect and therefore, you will probably disappoint your loved one as well. You can promise to never say something hurtful or never tell a lie or never exaggerate or always keep your promises or (you name it) but since you are human you will also make mistakes and disappoint that person. The only thing you or your loved one can promise is to grow, to seek God and ask Him for strength to change. Then you and your loved one will become more trustworthy in your relationships, though you will never be perfect.
Every human relationship will suffer hurt. Thus, we all need to become better forgivers and confessors. That ability to reconcile and spirit of humbleness will prove the depth of your love and commitment.
The components of love, forgiveness and commitment are as necessary to trust in a relationship as is honesty. Forgiveness gives you the chance to start over and trust another fallible human being again. Love helps to nourish trust. Commitment and honesty provide accountability to one another.
The ability to forgive is rooted in being forgiven ourselves. In the Bible it says that God loves the world so much that he sent his only son so that we could be forgiven. As people we all make mistakes, not one of us can live up to the standard God set on our own. But God promises that if we accept what Jesus did for us, we can be forgiven. The slate can be wiped clean no matter what has happened in the past. God promises us strength for today and bright hope for the future. Whatever happened in your yesterdays God can take care of all of your tomorrows.
You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. Here’s a suggested prayer:
Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Saviour and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of woman you want me to be.
If this prayer expresses the desire of your heart, pray it right now and Christ will come into your life as He promised. If you invited Jesus Christ into your life, thank God often that He is in your life, that He will never leave you and that you have eternal life. As you learn more about your relationship with God, and how much He loves you, you’ll experience life to the fullest.
Ketta, I’m not sure what kind of help you’re looking for but I highly recommend that you go to this page to request a mentor. Mentors are here to help.
Help me !
I’m going through alot! Help me!
I’m sorry but for those of you who have dealt with a partner/spouse that has lied/cheated constantly and continues to do so, you need to let them go. I’ve been with a man for the last 15 years and it’s been nothing but secrets, lies and cheating. Every time I find out, no matter how I react (get angry, cry, am quiet, go to counseling, leave or kick him out) it doesn’t change him. He even tries to throw God into it. We are both “Christians”. He cries, asks for forgiveness, begs me not to leave, then speeds into the “I’ve never really had a relationship with God” speech. So he grabs his bible and puts on a “I’m a new man” show. He plays this out for about a week or two till I get comfy and start to let my wall down. He tries to smoother and butter me with compliments, kisses and hugs and things are going along great. I’m being an awesome wife, he seems happy, tells me what a great wife I am, gives me love notes, etc then BAM! within 6 months I find out something new. He is the same type who needs attention. especially from women. He loves to be Mr. Funny guy, “hey look at me!”, and he never shuts up for more than 2 seconds. Always has SOMETHING to say and he knows EVERYTHING!! Yea, he’ll promise you he won’t hurt you again. That he LOVES you. That he is just being stupid. blah blah blah.It’s emotional. It’s abuse. It’s sick. I’m over it. I’m over him. I’m done. If you love yourself just even a little bit run. RUN VERY FAR!!
Thank you for the emails and links helping me with the question I posted, I have downloaded through amazon.com Bold Love like you had suggested kiwi, and I have got through the first few pages. Thank you so much for your help
Candice, There’s an article on this very subject that I think might interest you. It’s called “Does Forgiveness = No Consequences” in it the author points out that while we are called to forgive, sometimes a person’s actions will result in a change in the relationship.
Candice,
Bold Love by Dan Allender would be a great help for you in your situation!
My question is same topic but different situation, I am so frustrated with people who lie, we forgive them and they lie again and we forgive them and the lies get worse and worse!!! The situation my Husband and I face is we are starting to think because we have always put up with a family members lies and deceit and always forging them that they continue. It has nor reached a point where their lies have ruined peoples lives. I get that we must continue putting up with one another and forgive but where and how do we draw the line. How does a person learn a valuable lesson if we keep forgiving them.
good article and good comments
Well, I have been encouraged and hope it benefits some on this message board. After many emotional weeks (months even) we have come to a place that gives me true hope for rebuilding trust. I had to set some firm boundaries but did so with much tenderness, affection and love…and then had to keep them while he tried pushing past them repeatedly. :)
Last night over dinner, he asked if I thought he intentionally sabotaged our relationship. Then told me he agreed and that is why he is seeking out personal counseling. I had asked many times for couples counseling and he refused…this was so much better! I told him I should have gone back to my counselor when custody issues began to change our lives and that i need to resume that same counseling for myself.
This morning I was able to offer a response to his “I miss US” that felt productive and true to my boundaries and hopes. I told him that he can work on himself, i will work on myself, time will benefit both of us and then maybe we can recreate US.
Who knows what tomorrow looks like, but I hold out hoping God will grow me through this challenge and pain. I will not be a doormat or a co-dependent needy woman, but this marks new territory for me and want so much to make the most healthy choices…my kids are watching and learning. So for me, and more so for my daughter (whom my prayer is she will be a strong hearted woman) I am walking this unknown, strange path…and blessed that God lights it each day with peace.
Patricia,
I am so sorry that you are going through this. This sounds like an incredible hard thing to go through. Would you like a mentor? We offer free and confidential mentoring, and you would be matched with a mentor that will help you. Here is the link: http://powertochange.com/discover/talk-to-a-mentor/.
I will be praying for you,
Leah
We have been married for three years, and they been so hard first because his family does not like me, my husband sister knows he used to like this other girl and she sent him her email and adress. He never replied or made any contact with this girl so I felt secure and so much trust in my husband but recently they email each other I don’t know who started the conversation but he was asking her why she got married? And the girl told him that his’s sister had told her she got married and my his ad replied I asked you long time ago before I got married to come with me! I breaks my heart into pieces he thinks he didn’t do anything wrong since he never said I love you or I miss you but to me just reading that breaks my heart and I don’t see him the same way I used to! Help me! Am I wrong? Am I going crazy over something? It just hurst so much….
Hi Matthew,
When I read your story and also that of Lisa who is in love with a man of similar desires to change, my heart goes out to you. I have to think of when I was trying to live the Christian life in my own strength, — it just does not work! Then I repented of my ways, received the “baptism of the Holy Spirit” and knew I was renewed from the inside out. Now I did not have to put on a false front any more! I could be myself and feel good about it!
So, I urge you Matthew, recognize your weakness, and ask God daily, even hourly, to be you guide and your strength to live an honest, pure and holy life. When temptations turn into failures, all is not lost: repent immediately, knowing that only in the power of God will you be able to continue. Thank Him ahead of time for successes. Keep the woman you love in mind as the only one you will really please! Others will try attract you but they do not matter, as you have only one that God is helping you to be true to. What deep inner joy her trust is already bringing you!
I was also looking around for a few years, and am so thankful that God has helped me to be faithful. With determination and God’s help, it is possible. Prayerfully yours, Alfred.
Lisa,
Yes it’s true that people can change. But as my son once told my daughter,’Don’t ever date potential because that’s as good as it gets. They are still trying to impress you at that point and if that’s what it’s like after marriage it will only get worst.’ There is a lot of truth to that. Yes he wants to change but the question is will he?
As a mother of three, I would say that you deserve someone who doesn’t lie to you.
Matthew,
I also thank you for giving me hope. If there is a man out there who really can change it makes me believe that my boyfriend can too.
Matthew,
Your history sounds exactly like my boyfriend’s histroy. He has lied and cheated in every relationship he has been in. While he and I have been together he has been emotionally unfaithful and constantly seeking attention from other women. He recently joined the Navy so now we are in a long distance relationship. While in boot camp he wrote me all kinds of letters telling me how he wants to be a better man for me and how I am perfect for him and everything he has ever wanted. We got engaged after he got out of boot camp but he broke it off two weeks later saying he felt pressured.
He says he wants to change but I am having the hardest time believing that he is not continuing the same habits. Especially now since there is no way for me to know if he is being unfaithful or not. I try my hardest to give him the benefit of the doubt but I love him more than I have ever loved anyone in this world and aside from the lies we are perfect for each other. I believe he wants to change but I am terrified he is going to hurt me again…I don’t know what to do…
For Michael.. tell her everything you feel. You need to put a ring on her finger now or soon .. have you detailed the past and all just as you did here? really life would be so much better if everyone just told the truth… get it out there. also your chakras need cleansing to let go of your own fear which is being you…
Lt Moore,
Doubts about what? Getting married is a scary time and there is going to be a little bit of doubt because you are changing your whole life, you wouldn’t be human not to be a little scared. But , If you have doubts about him cheating or lying, and if he is still continuing then calling off the wedding is hard but a whole lot easier than a divorce. Would you like to talk to one of our free and confidential mentors, just click on the link here: http://powertochange.com/experience/talk-to-a-mentor/.
Thank you Kiwi. I really appreciate the advice. I have actually started counseling last week. I just don’t want to be “that guy” anymore. She is worth everything that I have inside of me. My heart and soul belong to her and no matter how long it takes I will not give up. Her and her daughter are my everything. Im ready for change. I know right now she doesn’t believe that but I am doing everything I can to show her I am ready.
Matthew,
Women can be forgiving and they can be righteously jealous. If you do the work, if get the best counseling in your area, set boundaries and give her details of your day without breaking her trust then you may have a chance to rebuild trust with this woman you care about. Dont focus on counseling on the two of you at first…just you. As trust is repaired she may indicate she would like to join you in coaching and that is your opportunity to invite her in. Dont give up hope and dont quit. Show her she is worth every minute of your effort.
So I don’t really know where to begin. I have been in the military now for 16 years and for the past 12 years I have been living a life of lies and deceit. I don’t know how else to put it. I am a liar and a cheater and Im tired of everything that comes with that stigma. I have never been a man of faith so I am trying to find my faith is addition to trying to find myself. I got married when I was 22 to a woman that I never wanted to marry. Over the course of 10 years of not being happy but not wanting to leave because we had children together and I was afraid of how divorce would affect my military career I developed some very bad habits….lying, cheating, etc. I never really cared how it affected my wife because it wasn’t important for me to make my marriage work. So we are no longer together. However, even now that we are no longer together I have continued my bad habits into another relationship. I have always felt like I needed to be the center of attention from everyone…at work, other women, etc. Someone flirts with me and I feel the need to flirt back, text, email, ask for pics, etc. It’s disgusting. I am so in love with a woman right now and I have betrayed her trust by continuing this pattern of behavior. I know that in my heart of hearts she is the woman that I was meant to be with but how do I show her that, I do these kinds of things. I don’t even know why. Everything that I have with her is perfect, we are always laughing, the intimacy we have is so amazing it could never be replaced…..she completes me totally. Noone could ever replace her…..so why do I feel the need to mess it up? I want to change my life. Im ready to accept the Lord into my life and build a family with this woman. Our foundation was not build on the best of terms but I want to rebuild our relationship based on faith in God. I know she doesn’t trust me and may never trust me again but I want to show her that people can change. I want to be that guy she deserves. I love her more than anything and if I lose her forever I will be devastated. Can anyone help me…us?
i am weeks from our wedding date but becasue of some passed herts ,and a drem i am haveing sireus doubt. we have had 3 good years but i am still unsur if we should do this .
I am still going through figuring out if my relationship is going to make it. All my fears were true and it was worse than even I thought. I have chosen to commit to 3 months of sticking it out despite the circumstances, but moved out to a separate location while we both figure out what we want. We have a date planned this weekend and I have chosen to love regardless of what happened. He thinks our relationship is amazing now that the stress is gone…he doesnt recognize that my stress is not gone. I have more peace being on my own and continue to doubt he will ever be faithful. I continue coming back to this thread to be encouraged and find some hope while I walk through this. I will not give up in the next 3 months! I wont! But I want to.
Thanks MJ, it really helps to know I am not the only one going through this.. it still hurts of course but I find myself being more forgiving now and feel like I’m moving forward.. there are still trust issues and I still dont understand it, but I feel like things are moving in the right direction. The hardest part is learning to beleive him again..
Jamie, this is the best advice and really is what I needed to hear straight from God’s word Thank you for posting that!
As a follower of Jesus, the standard of trust and forgiveness is really high: “Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Colossians 3:13) Think about the forgiveness that Jesus gives. It is complete and unreserved. It is to the extent that He puts Himself in a place where He can be rejected and hurt by us again. We know that God has a plan for each of us and if that includes trusting someone who has hurt us, we can follow that plan. Our trust is in God rather than the other person. We know that they could again let us down with the choices they make but we can have confidence that God will provide everything that we need in the midst of the hurt. And just as God’s forgiveness of us produces a changed life, perhaps our forgiveness and trust in others will allow them to be transformed by God’s love.
This is not something we can do in our own strength. In fact it is crazy to do it from a human point of view. But God’s love and God transforming power can help us go far beyond what is reasonable and accomplish the miraculous.
My husband I are are going through this as well. Our one year anniversary is coming up in a few weeks. Although he has hurt me emotionally, and I have lost trust in him we are going to try and work through these hard times. We had our first counseling session last Monday(which he initiated), and we will be going to couples boot camp tomorrow. I forgive my husband, because forgiving him will help me to heal. Im putting everything in God’s hands now, as only he knows the outcome.
I am going through trust issues as well. My husband and I have decided to get back together for our marraige and because we love each other. He feels very sorry and has apologize several times. I do want to try this one more time but its hard to forgive. I know God disagrees with divorce and we must learn to forgive our enemies in order to be forgiven. Its hard to trust him again. I have moments where all is forgotten and then memories come back and I think Is this all worth it?. Should I forgive a man who had an affair and did not care to hurt me? I pray everyday to put peace in my heart as well as his but its hard to just Trust the man you love so much.
Hi mj, you have a really encouraging story. Thank you for sharing it. I am sure others will take heart from your words.
Lauren, I also unfortunately have had to deal with this issue.Your incidents are very fresh, over time you will beging to rebuild trust. For me I have learned trust in my marriage came very natural, never thought about it,but once it was gone I couldn’t seem to get it back no matter how hard I tried or no matter how many times he said he was sorry, or it would never happen again. Why couldn’t I trust him? I wanted to. Something inside me had been so hurt through this that I just couldn’t.I think is is a defense mechanism. Through alot and I mean alot of praying and seeking God in the Spirit, reading the bible and going to church, keeping a journal of helpful scriptures etc.. posting them on my kitchen cabinets, bathroom mirror, in car anywhere i would be looking through the day,listening to christian music altogether with and turning off the Hellivision (T.V.)God has shown me it is not that I must trust my husband of 18 years when this all openened up, but it was an absolute must for me to truly trust God. To no that he was for me and not against me. Jesus wants you marriage to suceed By trusting him in every area and running to him as you refuge, He will lead you and your husband through this difficult growing time. My husbands problems had gone on and off for all the years of my marriage. I was unaware of this ifiltrating disease,He was the sweetest most tender , loving man I have known. We were not lacking in any department of our marriage, a very full. We have always had a picture perfect marrage raising 2 sons, putting family first enjoying life. He was my best friend. The night I found out was devistating, The Lord had prompted him many times by his accounts to get away for this particular issue of porn and immoral thoughts,etc.. but he had made his OWN CHOICE to continue tying God’s hands. He not only ask me for forgiveness but he had to truly repent to God and also ask for forgiveness.True repentance means to turn for sin and absolutely do it no more. God took him at that point and changed him into a different man. He was able to show remorse and grief for what he had done ,subjected our boys to even though they knew nothing of his porn addiction or of the actions which these choices had led him to. For me this really messed with my self-esteem and what I thought he thought of me, I am certainly not perfect but have always taken care to be appealing to him and have not ever had a problem with that. His issue had started as a pre-teen many years ago,over the years it had progressed. he has assured me that it had nothing to do with me but all to do with him when you are a woman that is difficult to understand it did not make sence to me. This has been 3 yrs ago and I still have to trust in God over this issue pray for purity of his eyes, ear, mouth, heart, soul, his walk, his toughts, ideas, and his friends. Trust in God he will not abandon you.
Sean,
I know that it’s hard, but as you are talking to your girlfriend, try to remember that the two of you were not together when this happened. So technically, she did not cheat. It’s possible that she was really upset or hurt or angry when you two broke up and she may have asked for the pictures because she was so upset. I’m not saying that that makes it ok, but she didn’t do it TO you, you guys were broken up. I know it feels like cheating and it feels like a betrayal and in some ways it is, but she did not do it when you were together so the boundaries are a little different.
You have a lot of history with this girl, and you have a child together so you are always going to be part of each other’s lives. You guys need to talk. Try to remember that you have only heard one side of the story so far. Be really honest. Sit down when you are able to be calm and tell her that you are upset about the pictures. Tell her what the other person told you and ask her if that is true. Give her an opportunity to explain herself. When it happened she may have thought that you were gone forever, or she might have been so upset that she was not thinking at all. Really try to stay calm as much as you can. Make sure that she knows you are asking because you want this to be a great relationship, not because you are trying to break up with her. She may be scared and that could make her get defensive. If you can talk it out you should be able to work through it. People do stupid things when they are hurting. She might be really embarrassed about the pictures and didn’t tell you because she didn’t want you to be upset. Remember that calling her names won’t help. Listen to her side of things, and be honest with her about how it hurt you and I think you can move forward from this.
If you would like to talk to a mentor about this privately, that is available free of charge as well. Just fill out the form on this page to request a mentor and a mentor will contact you by email, usually within a couple of days. Rebuilding trust takes time, but it can be done and it is worth doing the hard work when it’s for someone you really care about. I hope that the two of you are able to work through this and come out of it with a stronger relationship than you’ve ever had before.
My girlfriend and I have been dating for quite a while now and even have a child together. I’m 18, and shes 17.. We’ve had some recent troubles however… Amongst them being me addicted to drugs. That however is the not relationship-based issue I’m here to ask advice on. I found out that when we broke up (for about a week), she admitted that people had given her pictures of their genitals (close “friends” of hers). She pleaded with me not to beat their faces in, so I didn’t.
However, I decided to do alittle more intensive research on the situation and messaged one of the “friends” on Facebook. It turns out that he says she ASKED him for a picture, and didn’t just give it to her. My girlfriend is alot of things, but a whore or cheater is not one I would’ve thought… How do I approach this situation without being rational, still finding the truth out, but not make her sound like a hoe all in the same conversation??? Please help!
Hi
My husband and I are both Christians. We have been married 5 years. A few weeks ago I walked in on him masturbating the picture of a naked woman.. since then he has promised me he hasn’t done it since I found out. And initially he told me it was just the one time, but I found evidence that he had done it at least 4 other times. When I confronted him about that he tried to explain it away then he finally admitted to it..he told me he just started doing this. THis is a man who would never go to a strip club, who has been completely faithful to me, I believe, up until this point. We have an active sex life, so it isn’t like I have been with holding anything from him. Anyhow, we have talked about it extensively in the past few weeks and I am trying to move on, but having a really hard time trusting him now..even though his friends and other people who arent Christian have always told me what a gentleman he is and how I have nothing to worry about..Im having a hard time beleiving him that he isnt doing that anymore. He told me it had nothing to do with me and that he doesnt know why he did it and that he is still attracted to only me, but it obviously makes me insecure, so I think that’s holding us back also. Anytime I try to talk about it now, he gets mad at me that we are supposed to be moving on and that I need to try to trust him and that he cant handle hearing about it every day. Any advice? Thank you!
Hi Rick,
I am so sorry you are going through this. I can hear how your heart is breaking. If you want, we offer free and confidential mentoring. The mentor will walk with you through this hard time. You can get a mentor just by filling out this form: http://powertochange.com/discover/talk-to-a-mentor/
Sincerely,
Leah
My girlfriend and I have been dating for a while now and recently we got into an argument about what the other wanted sexually. I told her that I don’t want her to do anything she doesn’t want to do, just to do what she thinks will make me happy. But she wouldn’t give me a straight answer and I got frustrated. After a while i went to a close friend who also happens to be close with her and told him my problem, and asked for advice. And this is where the problem started, he said he needed more information on what I meant by “sexual” and I hinted to what acts my girlfriend and I have done. He gave me some advice, but later told my girlfriend that I had asked him for advice and told him what I had talked to him about the sexual part of our relationship. Now she doesn’t trust me, and told me it hurts to look at me because it reminds her of how I told personal information to some one that shouldn’t have know. It kills me to think I could make such a big mistake and its driving me insane. I love her more than I could ever describe through a typing. I just want everything to go back to the way it was, she means so much to me…
Just wanted to say that after giving my letter and being willing to follow through with what i said in my letter, my relationship is possibly being restored. I was loving and humble in my assesment and observations. I called my fiance on the issues that broke trust and challenged him to be the one to initiate restoration. I also challenged him to see how his responses were all about him and he has made a strong effort to address each issue that is hurting our relationship. I dont know if we will make it but I do know that if we dont it wont be because we didnt humble ourselves and give it our all.
Even well meaning, God fearing friends can be used to destroy what God has brought together. We attended a wedding yesterday together and when the pastor said “what God has brought together, let no man tear apart” it hit me. Let no man…even well intentioned, caring friends work destruction and steal from the gifts God blesses us with.
A favorite book of mine is Bold Love by Dan Allender and I truly believe the skills needed to get me and my fiance to the place we are now came from the wisom shared in this book.
You know my friends! We are not perfect untilwe go into our heavenly home as see face to face our Perfect Father waiting for us. While we are here down on planet earth we wil make mistakes in this life becasue of the fall of man. Jesus is ther though to pick us up and continue on with what he has in store for us. I was once marrried and i have forgiven through God the marriage that we had. No! It is not easy to do i know, but I feel better for it and my councious is content.
Hi Niel,
I am just curious where does Christ fit in all the issues you discussed? We as Christians sometimes convince ourselves of what we are doing is correct however when you study the scriptures it is fairly clear that becoming involved in sexual relations outside of marriage causes extreme difficulty and is immoral. If a couple does not make a commitment before God and decides to live together to see if it will work then we have to ask where is the commitment as she was not married to you and she decided to fulfill her sexual urge with a stranger.
You see when we trust Christ and ask his forgiveness and if you follow the suggestion in Romans 8:
1 So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. 2 And because you belong to him, the power[a] of the life-giving Spirit has freed you[b] from the power of sin that leads to death. 3 The law of Moses was unable to save us because of the weakness of our sinful nature.[c] So God did what the law could not do. He sent his own Son in a body like the bodies we sinners have. And in that body God declared an end to sin’s control over us by giving his Son as a sacrifice for our sins. 4 He did this so that the just requirement of the law would be fully satisfied for us, who no longer follow our sinful nature but instead follow the Spirit.
5 Those who are dominated by the sinful nature think about sinful things, but those who are controlled by the Holy Spirit think about things that please the Spirit. 6 So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace. 7 For the sinful nature is always hostile to God. It never did obey God’s laws, and it never will. 8 That’s why those who are still under the control of their sinful nature can never please God.
9 But you are not controlled by your sinful nature. You are controlled by the Spirit if you have the Spirit of God living in you. (And remember that those who do not have the Spirit of Christ living in them do not belong to him at all.) 10 And Christ lives within you, so even though your body will die because of sin, the Spirit gives you life[d] because you have been made right with God. 11 The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in you. And just as God raised Christ Jesus from the dead, he will give life to your mortal bodies by this same Spirit living within you.
This is the answer to your trust issues follow Christ’s guideline and you will be set free. One of the suggestions I do have is you may wish to contact an online mentor to discuss further. They will be able to guide you into a relationship with Christ. God Bless,
I split up with my fiance yesterday because of trust issue’s…we dated for nearly 12 month’s and then through circumstance’s and choice I moved into her home with my son and her two children…everything was fine for a while but her and my son wernt really getting on to well.he was rude to her and she asked him to leave…I was left in a very difficult situation but had to stand by my son and move out too…i found a new place to live with my son and my fiancee came round quite alot but said to me she can’t be in a relationship part time with me but i kept trying to work on it with her because i thought she was worth the effort but somehow along the line she thought i was seeing other girls and i told her i’d been asked out on a date to try and back her into a corner so she would make a desicion on whether we were going to try on our relationship…it backfired in my face and we both drifted apart slightly for a few weeks…i took a girl out for a meal to help me deal with our seperation and felt guilty because i still loved my girlfreind…she had given me back her engagment ring when i left her house and my goal was to get it back on her finger…after a couple of weeks and after alot of heart to hearts we decided to carry on seeing each other and i asked her to marry me again to which she said yes…Everything was going good until late one night she text me saying that she felt bad because during those two weeks she had gone out,got drunk and slept with a random guy…We talked again and it was then i told her that i’d been on a date and gone back to the other girls house…I told her we just kissed and then i realised the situation i was in was wrong and she told me that nothing much really happened with this other guy…I knew that we were both going to find it difficult to trust but she says she trusts me 100% and now it’s me that cant trust her…ive lost an amazing woman through my trust issues…:( help
You can’t build on trust if it is a one way street.
KIWI. I agree with Doris about your situation in this issue. I pray that You will let go and let God take full control for you.
Great counsel for Tabitha, Kiwi! Sounds like it is time to move on Tabitha and not continue to put yourself in a position where you are being lied too.
To Sarah, when there is honest remorse and regret your relationship has a chance of being even stronger as you work it through together. Forgiveness is the key.
Andrew,
It takes quite the coward to not admit you are wrong when the consequences are obviously the demise of the relationship if you dont admit you have wronged the other person. How does fear of being punished abused or neglected stack up against being alone, despised and rejected…if you live in fear of the first the latter with surely follow.
If you have wronged someone, intentionally or not, the only way the relationship will have a chance is if you admit that your actions caused another to hurt deeply.
Man up!
Tabitha. It sounds like its time to recognize the good in your relationship and say goodbye with good terms. Evaluate how you have grown, the good you gained within the relationship; ie you trust your intuition more, you recognize the fine line between obsessive jealousy vs trusting yourself. Maybe its time to write him a nice/loving letter telling him you are grateful for all the positives in your relationship, but you dont like who you are (digging through trash, doubting every statement/distrust) with him and you will both be better off continuing your life journey in different directions. I am writing my own letter now and find myself at peace knowing the best me to offer was active and fully alive in the relationship til a few months ago and he and I both dont need the new, frazzeled/distrusting/angry girl in our lives. I have learned a lot and have been blessed in so many ways over the last two years, but it is time to let go and move forward so I may love others well again and pour my energy into living as the person I want to be rather than the hostile person I was becoming. Blessing Tabitha!
I believe trust starts with the ability to admit when you are wrong, that you have screwed up; but it can be hard to admit your wrong if the consequences are unknown; fear of being punished, abused, or neglected. Even a sociopath and/or psychopath would support somebody who has the willingness to admit they have done wrong. I am one.
Kiwi and Tabitha.
I am going through a similar situation too, except my partner is truly expressing deep shame and regret for his infidelity. For this reason I feel there is a very small chance I can forgive and move on and perhaps continue the relationship. But when the perpetrator of the betrayal belittles your feelings of mistrust and continues to deceive you, then perhaps it is time to consider ending the relationship for the sake of your own sanity, self esteem and physical well being. Ultimately these type of people are selfish, and will never put you at an equal standing.
good aftricle, its hard for me to really trust people, people who keep telling me things that are not true, i try to trsut but its hard
I rili nid a prayer, i dnt knw wat entering me that is broking up my relationship wit da man i truly love. hes everthng i ever wantd in a man, wen we both together we enjoying lyk neva b4, we manage to hold on to adaz in difficult tym but small things jst ruin everithng. dnt knw how to avoid dic n it hurting mi nw coz i deeply luv him
Kiwi-my saga continues. On Saturday I stopped by his house in trying to be nice to bring over some food. He wasn’t home. I have been suspicious so I looked in his trash. Well, women’s intution is often right and I found tampons in the trash. Yes, I stooped so low as to look in the trash. We were emailing all day on Friday and talked on Weds and he told me he wasn’t friends with her and was getting mad at me for “beating a dead horse”. I have learned my lesson the really hard way. Once a liar always a liar. Get away from him and move on. He isn’t going to change. I kept trying to see the positive in him, to believe him. A waste of time and I feel like crap.
I would love to hear some advice for Tabitha because my situation is similar. My attempts to communicate how his secrecy in his ‘friendship’ has affected me seem pointless and he blows it off and acts as though he does not care.
Dear Lord and eternal Father.
We come to You now to ask that Zyou will be with the people who have lost there trust in another person who has forsaken them. Lord i lift up my sisters and ask that You would show them how to forgive them and go on with life. I also lift up the person who has caused the situaion to have them go a different direction then with the person that they are seeing now. If the togeherness is not working than they need to separate from each other. May be Lord the two are not to be united as one. I pray in Jesus Mightyname amen