Singleness
Believe me, I know about being single. At first, my friends and I would moan the dilemmas of being single, all the while thinking that it would only be for a while. Then as I’ve gotten older, single women have approached me and asked in disbelief, “How could you have survived being single all these years?”
It’s hard to tell when a person officially becomes single but whatever the age, singles share some common characteristics:
- Singles are independent. No one else will take out the garbage or change the light bulbs. In order to get things done, singles must do it themselves.
- Singles are free. They can go to the movies when they want, buy the outfit they want, clean house whenever. They have “free” time that married people wish they had. They have dollars they can spend on themselves.
- Singles are lonely. They don’t have anyone in whose life they are number one. They don’t have anyone to buy them flowers, take them to dinner or share their intimate thoughts and dreams.
- Singles are often uncommitted. If something doesn’t benefit them, they won’t do it.
- Singles want to belong, to fit in somewhere. They want to know they are making a valuable contribution to society.
Singles also have a lot of challenges:
- The most common challenge singles face is the comments: “You’re how old?” “Why aren’t you married?” “What’s a nice girl like you doing single?”
- Family members often poke, “Well I guess I’ll never get a son-in-law.” “Boy, isn’t it about time you gave me a brother-in-law?” “All your cousins are married and having children. When is it your turn?”What do you say? A classic line is “I haven’t found the man who could make me as happy as I deserve to be.”
- Another dilemma singles face is, “Where do I fit into society?” Just about anywhere, these days. John Naisbitt in his best selling book Megatrends states: “The basic building block of society is now the individual, rather than the family.”
Being single is challenging. Single women often feel like the lone sock lying in the dryer – left there until its mate is found. They’re in a holding pattern, left lying somewhere until they get a mate. They feel there must be something wrong with them – that God has abandoned them or forgotten them.
In all of my reading and studying of the Bible, I have come to the conclusion that singles are whole people in God’s eyes. They have each been given unique talents and skills, that can and should be employed. They each have a purpose, whether they remain single or get married.
Being single is just a state of being, not a sentence. Singles are not one sock waiting for another sock before they become useful. Rather than waiting to become the spouse they would like to be, they need to find their fulfillment in becoming the individual God intended them to be.
Live each day to its fullest!
14 Responses to “Singleness”
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Hi Ray, I am sorry to hear that your wife has created such pain and turmoil in your life. I would like to warn you that while the completion of your divorce my change some of the tension in your life it won’t bring peace. Most people whom I have talked to after divorce have said that things change but if anything become more complicated. Let me suggest that if you are lacking peace in your life instead of looking for it to come from your circumstances, look to Jesus who promises “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28) He transforms us from the inside out so that the peace He gives comes from Him and is there whether we have really good or crappy circumstances. If you want to know more about that kind of peace that transcends our circumstances, why don’t you talk to one of our online mentors? You can find a Mentor Request Form at http://powertochange.com/discover/talk-to-a-mentor
cant wait til my divorce is over so i can have some peace. By the way she chaeted on me.feel so dumb.wish i could could find nice woman like ms.loewen.
Jessica,
I cannot allow myself to venture into the territory you have opened up. I know in your mind you believe that it will help. But if its not from the mind and word of God, its surely to lead to death, destruction and heatache. I am no saint, I have been many places, seen many things and yes tried to please myself by all means. Only to fall in heart and mind and realize my sinfulness and how I need to wait and be obedient to God. I want a loving and gentle relationship with a man, not just any man but a man that will be my husband, a man that is my husband, when the time comes.
I do not want my mind ravaged by the worlds attempt at pleasure. As a Christian woman, I know that God has given me all the tools I need to enjoy a healthy and complete marriage. Love and passion sometimes have nothing to do with flesh. Flesh and sex are benefits of marriage but when they are warped, you get nothing out it. I”m 45 years old and been married once before and now a widow its been 10 years and I wait. Sometimes not easily but always returning to my Lord for comfort and now a better understanding of the fact that he is preparing me for himself and along the way, I believe a restoration and marriage to a good man. Thank you but no thank you for the website and your advice. I pray that you open your eyes and your mind to what God wants to say to you.
If this is in your heart and your desire, keep praying to God to help you be at peace while you wait. It is a process and its not easy; however you do not want your desire your need to lead you somewhere that you should not be. Waiting sometimes can be discouraging because it seems that life is passing us by. However, we are young, knew and yes the physical body is dying each day but the inner man is being renewed and the spirit lives forever. God must be our first love and then he’ll direct your paths.
Have you ever considered that while you wait he is preparing you for marriage and preparing your mate for you. Yes, consider this, your waiting is not in vain but talk openly to the Lord and realize that even waiting means he’s up to something in your life. Be encouraged you are not alone in the waiting process and the desire for a spouse.
Please pray for me, I am longing for a husband and it’s very hard for me to live alone. Would like to give up
Jessica, no disrespect to you, but, please – you don’t have any right to come here & say that any of us need help. I’m not out to try & find a man. I honestly don’t think that you really read carefully enough what I or Wonder said. We’re content & fine with being single, &, while I do appreciate you wanting to help, if you did come here in a truly helpful attitude, I don’t want to read anything about how to get a man. That’s not what my life’s about. If God should choose to have me married, it’ll happen. If not, it won’t, &, believe me, I’m totally fine with that. I don’t need help. In fact, I’m in the best place in my life, & have been since I surrendered my singleness over to God & committed myself to serving HIM with it.
I don’t know what problems you’re talking about, but I have a feeling they’re not the same that I had. Thanks again for trying to help, but I have a feeling the help that you’re offering doesn’t apply to me.
Blessings to you, & may you find peace & contentment wherever you are in life, whether in a relationship or out. Until a woman’s truly at peace & content with who she is, with or without a man, & in a fulfilling relationship with God, then she’s just going to be running around trying to find that elsewhere. Please trust me on this – the ONLY place that true fulfilment is to be found is in a true relationship with God & in serving & loving Him – not in an earthly relationship.
i can help myself not to comment this discussion.
ladies, you all need help. this thing help me a lot and i have a total different opinion about everything that includes guys and relationships. i found such a useful e-book that talks about how to find a right guy and it really help me to deal with typical problems women have. now i have more self-confidence and of course i learn how to understand what they think and how to use that as my advantage :)
i recommend it to all girls who have same problems i had, but not any more.
check out —> this
thank me later :)
Thank-you so much for clarifying. :D
I’m on with you on both points. As I said, I’m a committed sort of person. Part of being an adult, & just a responsible person in general, is doing something even if it’s unpleasant or won’t benefit me. Sometimes it’ll benefit someone else. I do agree with being independent & free & wanting to fit in – doesn’t everyone want to fit in? – but I don’t agree with the loneliness that was mentioned. I’m certainly not lonely as a rule. Sure, I have my lonely moments, but I’m not what’d be considered a lonely person. I do quite well on my own, & I have plenty of family & friends around so that I don’t get lonely.
Hi Michelle,
Sorry for my grammer.
Yes, I don’t agree with what the article mentioned about,”singles are uncommitted”.
I also don’t agree with the article about” If something doesn’t benefit them, they won’t do it.”
Wonder, you’re welcome, & thank-you. In your second comment, I’m having a bit of trouble understanding what you’re saying. Do you mean that you don’t agree that singles are uncommitted? Your grammar & wording is causing me to not really get what you’re trying to say, although I’m trying to. If you don’t agree that singles are uncommitted, you are right for several of us. I’m a woman who’s very committed when I’m in a relationship &, most importantly, in my walk with God.
About what else you said “I don’t think single only choice to do things when there is benefit…..” & so on, that’s the part I really don’t understand. Some of us aren’t single by choice. I never chose to remain single. I know, though, that God certainly hasn’t abandoned me (“I will never leave you nor forsake you, He says in His Word) & He isn’t punishing me, either. He never lets us go through something that isn’t for our good in some way, & that’s a great comfort.
Anyway, I just wanted to get some clarification on what you’re trying to say. :)
about the article, I don’t agree with singles are uncommitted.
I don’t think single only choice to do things when there is benefit.
In fact, choicing thing to do when there is benefit is just part of the nature of all human.
Thankyou for the above 2 sharing.
I have broken up with my fiance in the beginning of the year and is now single.
The chanllege is to get into a new pattern of living style and to fill up the time and also the broken heart.
I did come across with the thinking that God abandoned me or maybe publishing me.
Thanks Michelle for your sharing.
Next month, I’m going to be 40. Almost 2 years ago I had my 20th high school reunion, & I was one of only 2 people (both of us women) of whom I was aware had either never married nor ever had a common-law relationship. The latter’s not an option for me, but I’m still open to marriage & children. However, I’ve grown into a calm & peaceful acceptance of my singleness & realised that I love my independence. One thing I’m thankful for is that my immediate family & closest friends put no pressure on me to find someone. I know that my mom would love for me to meet a man & get married – she says it’s so that she doesn’t have to worry about me :) – but she also says that she’s glad to know I haven’t gone out & met a man & gotten married just for the sake of having one. I’d far rather remain single than marry the “wrong” man or a man who’d be cruel to me or a non-Christian. I refuse to give in to the stereotype of desperate Singleton who pines away for the man she doesn’t have. I once knew a man who said that people are only half of a whole until they end up married. I & others at our Bible study group asked him about those of us who never marry. Would we remain incomplete just because God chose for us to remain single? He stammered as he answered that there were exceptions to that & quickly changed the subject. I know that that’s a common attitude. I love the second last paragraph & how it starts: “Being single is a state of being, not a sentence. Singles are not one sock waiting for another sock before they become useful.” Good, wise words, & something I’d love for more people to realise. A person’s whole in Christ, & that’s what I cling to. I do admit that part of me will probably always hope for marriage, although it’s no longer the burning desire that it once was, & for that I’m so grateful. Whether I will end up married at some time in the future or not, I know that I am full in Christ & that He is always there for me, no matter what my marital status is. I will wait upon the Lord for whatever He has for me, & I choose to live in joy & in the peace that passes all understanding instead of longing for & pining away for what may never happen. It’s taken me many years of loneliness to get to this point, & I’m very grateful to say that loneliness is no longer my constant companion is – God is & always has been! :D
this is so true i am 30 years of age an there are times where i feel like my test will not get to an end , sometimes i feel very longely an i will find myself saying atleast if i had a child maybe i will be feeling much better but waiting upon the Lord is the best tool