Singleness
Believe me, I know about being single. At first, my friends and I would moan the dilemmas of being single, all the while thinking that it would only be for a while. Then as I’ve gotten older, single women have approached me and asked in disbelief, “How could you have survived being single all these years?”
It’s hard to tell when a person officially becomes single but whatever the age, singles share some common characteristics:
- Singles are independent. No one else will take out the garbage or change the light bulbs. In order to get things done, singles must do it themselves.
- Singles are free. They can go to the movies when they want, buy the outfit they want, clean house whenever. They have “free” time that married people wish they had. They have dollars they can spend on themselves.
- Singles are lonely. They don’t have anyone in whose life they are number one. They don’t have anyone to buy them flowers, take them to dinner or share their intimate thoughts and dreams.
- Singles are often uncommitted. If something doesn’t benefit them, they won’t do it.
- Singles want to belong, to fit in somewhere. They want to know they are making a valuable contribution to society.
Singles also have a lot of challenges:
- The most common challenge singles face is the comments: “You’re how old?” “Why aren’t you married?” “What’s a nice girl like you doing single?”
- Family members often poke, “Well I guess I’ll never get a son-in-law.” “Boy, isn’t it about time you gave me a brother-in-law?” “All your cousins are married and having children. When is it your turn?”What do you say? A classic line is “I haven’t found the man who could make me as happy as I deserve to be.”
- Another dilemma singles face is, “Where do I fit into society?” Just about anywhere, these days. John Naisbitt in his best selling book Megatrends states: “The basic building block of society is now the individual, rather than the family.”
Being single is challenging. Single women often feel like the lone sock lying in the dryer – left there until its mate is found. They’re in a holding pattern, left lying somewhere until they get a mate. They feel there must be something wrong with them – that God has abandoned them or forgotten them.
In all of my reading and studying of the Bible, I have come to the conclusion that singles are whole people in God’s eyes. They have each been given unique talents and skills, that can and should be employed. They each have a purpose, whether they remain single or get married.
Being single is just a state of being, not a sentence. Singles are not one sock waiting for another sock before they become useful. Rather than waiting to become the spouse they would like to be, they need to find their fulfillment in becoming the individual God intended them to be.
Live each day to its fullest!
this is so true i am 30 years of age an there are times where i feel like my test will not get to an end , sometimes i feel very longely an i will find myself saying atleast if i had a child maybe i will be feeling much better but waiting upon the Lord is the best tool
Next month, I’m going to be 40. Almost 2 years ago I had my 20th high school reunion, & I was one of only 2 people (both of us women) of whom I was aware had either never married nor ever had a common-law relationship. The latter’s not an option for me, but I’m still open to marriage & children. However, I’ve grown into a calm & peaceful acceptance of my singleness & realised that I love my independence. One thing I’m thankful for is that my immediate family & closest friends put no pressure on me to find someone. I know that my mom would love for me to meet a man & get married – she says it’s so that she doesn’t have to worry about me :) – but she also says that she’s glad to know I haven’t gone out & met a man & gotten married just for the sake of having one. I’d far rather remain single than marry the “wrong” man or a man who’d be cruel to me or a non-Christian. I refuse to give in to the stereotype of desperate Singleton who pines away for the man she doesn’t have. I once knew a man who said that people are only half of a whole until they end up married. I & others at our Bible study group asked him about those of us who never marry. Would we remain incomplete just because God chose for us to remain single? He stammered as he answered that there were exceptions to that & quickly changed the subject. I know that that’s a common attitude. I love the second last paragraph & how it starts: “Being single is a state of being, not a sentence. Singles are not one sock waiting for another sock before they become useful.” Good, wise words, & something I’d love for more people to realise. A person’s whole in Christ, & that’s what I cling to. I do admit that part of me will probably always hope for marriage, although it’s no longer the burning desire that it once was, & for that I’m so grateful. Whether I will end up married at some time in the future or not, I know that I am full in Christ & that He is always there for me, no matter what my marital status is. I will wait upon the Lord for whatever He has for me, & I choose to live in joy & in the peace that passes all understanding instead of longing for & pining away for what may never happen. It’s taken me many years of loneliness to get to this point, & I’m very grateful to say that loneliness is no longer my constant companion is – God is & always has been! :D
Thankyou for the above 2 sharing.
I have broken up with my fiance in the beginning of the year and is now single.
The chanllege is to get into a new pattern of living style and to fill up the time and also the broken heart.
I did come across with the thinking that God abandoned me or maybe publishing me.
Thanks Michelle for your sharing.
about the article, I don’t agree with singles are uncommitted.
I don’t think single only choice to do things when there is benefit.
In fact, choicing thing to do when there is benefit is just part of the nature of all human.
Wonder, you’re welcome, & thank-you. In your second comment, I’m having a bit of trouble understanding what you’re saying. Do you mean that you don’t agree that singles are uncommitted? Your grammar & wording is causing me to not really get what you’re trying to say, although I’m trying to. If you don’t agree that singles are uncommitted, you are right for several of us. I’m a woman who’s very committed when I’m in a relationship &, most importantly, in my walk with God.
About what else you said “I don’t think single only choice to do things when there is benefit…..” & so on, that’s the part I really don’t understand. Some of us aren’t single by choice. I never chose to remain single. I know, though, that God certainly hasn’t abandoned me (“I will never leave you nor forsake you, He says in His Word) & He isn’t punishing me, either. He never lets us go through something that isn’t for our good in some way, & that’s a great comfort.
Anyway, I just wanted to get some clarification on what you’re trying to say. :)
Hi Michelle,
Sorry for my grammer.
Yes, I don’t agree with what the article mentioned about,”singles are uncommitted”.
I also don’t agree with the article about” If something doesn’t benefit them, they won’t do it.”
Thank-you so much for clarifying. :D
I’m on with you on both points. As I said, I’m a committed sort of person. Part of being an adult, & just a responsible person in general, is doing something even if it’s unpleasant or won’t benefit me. Sometimes it’ll benefit someone else. I do agree with being independent & free & wanting to fit in – doesn’t everyone want to fit in? – but I don’t agree with the loneliness that was mentioned. I’m certainly not lonely as a rule. Sure, I have my lonely moments, but I’m not what’d be considered a lonely person. I do quite well on my own, & I have plenty of family & friends around so that I don’t get lonely.
i can help myself not to comment this discussion.
ladies, you all need help. this thing help me a lot and i have a total different opinion about everything that includes guys and relationships. i found such a useful e-book that talks about how to find a right guy and it really help me to deal with typical problems women have. now i have more self-confidence and of course i learn how to understand what they think and how to use that as my advantage :)
i recommend it to all girls who have same problems i had, but not any more.
check out —> this
thank me later :)
Jessica, no disrespect to you, but, please – you don’t have any right to come here & say that any of us need help. I’m not out to try & find a man. I honestly don’t think that you really read carefully enough what I or Wonder said. We’re content & fine with being single, &, while I do appreciate you wanting to help, if you did come here in a truly helpful attitude, I don’t want to read anything about how to get a man. That’s not what my life’s about. If God should choose to have me married, it’ll happen. If not, it won’t, &, believe me, I’m totally fine with that. I don’t need help. In fact, I’m in the best place in my life, & have been since I surrendered my singleness over to God & committed myself to serving HIM with it.
I don’t know what problems you’re talking about, but I have a feeling they’re not the same that I had. Thanks again for trying to help, but I have a feeling the help that you’re offering doesn’t apply to me.
Blessings to you, & may you find peace & contentment wherever you are in life, whether in a relationship or out. Until a woman’s truly at peace & content with who she is, with or without a man, & in a fulfilling relationship with God, then she’s just going to be running around trying to find that elsewhere. Please trust me on this – the ONLY place that true fulfilment is to be found is in a true relationship with God & in serving & loving Him – not in an earthly relationship.