Love My Spouse, But I’m Attracted to Someone Else

Written by Dr. Dave Currie


Also in this series: The Effects of Porn on Marriage.

Dave: Well Donalyn, this is a gutsy question needing to be answered. I remember within four months of our wedding, doing the head turn for a very beautiful woman. You noticed and made some comment and at that time I felt hugely embarrassed that I had allowed myself to take note of her. Inside I was thinking, “ Well, this is crazy! I have this amazing, gorgeous wife. What would ever possess me to stare at another woman?” I felt both humiliated and confused.

Donalyn: It might help our readers to realize that men and women are built differently. Men are visually stimulated and women are more emotionally driven, so the temptations for a man to be attracted to a person of the opposite sex, based simply on looks, are far greater than for a woman. On the other hand, women are more enticed by touch, by closeness and by emotional understanding, and may get sidetracked by this high connection need. But whether male or female, there are steps a person can take to address this issue.

Dave: You need to understand that being attracted to the opposite sex is not a new problem or one that is unique to you, and, yes, you will face it again. So you need to develop a game plan on how to deal with tempting or enticing people outside your marriage who start to catch your interest. For starters, it would be helpful to do a little bit of self analysis and ask yourself, “Why am I being attracted to this person?”

Sometimes, a little chemistry begins to develop between a man and a woman at work. You leave your spouse at home in the morning with major bedhead after having had a difficult evening the night before. Then you come to work to interact with this other person who is all dressed up and in the best part of their day. They are not battling kids or anything else, and they are just there looking so fresh and so friendly. That’s a dangerous zone to be in.

Donalyn: That’s right Dave. And what you need to remember is that you are only seeing the best side of the other person; you are not seeing their grumpy side. You are not seeing them in their worst moods. People forget that the person that is being a bit of a draw to them does have a dark side.

I remember a situation from when I was working in the tax office in Calgary. We were about three years married. There was a guy that took his coffee breaks at the same time as me. We often ended up being together with groups of people, and he was pretty persistent in his interest in me. I turned him down in his request to go out for dinner, saying, “I’m married,” and he said that he didn’t even care that I was married. So sometimes the attraction and the temptation is not very subtle and the interest can be extremely confusing.

Dave: It is not only important to look at why you may be tempted, but it is also valuable to understand that you are most vulnerable when things aren’t good at home. If the relationship is suffering at home, your primary focus needs to be on getting things right between you and your spouse, so you won’t have any context for temptation beyond the relationship.

Donalyn: That is excellent. We need to concentrate on our own spouse and look for ways to reconnect if there has been distance. Sit down and work things out, make apologies to one another and look for ways to start saying I love you on a daily basis. When we affirm and compliment our spouse for things we love about them, and treat them with kindness everyday, the relationship will improve over time. Work to make your relationship strong.

Dave: Another key step if you are being drawn into a relationship beyond your partner: break the silence. This means not only telling your spouse, but also telling one other person who will hold you accountable. As a matter of fact, accountability is a powerful thing in the life of any person. I have been accountable to another man weekly for over 20 years now. This is a real gift to Donalyn. We talk openly about our temptations and struggles, and we hold each other accountable to clean up our act and honour God with our mind and with our eyes. I think that every person needs an accountability partner of the same gender who can help you face the issues in their life, whatever they are.

Donalyn: Temptation begins in the mind, so we need to set a guard inside our mind. Noticing beautiful people in your world is inevitable, but you can’t allow yourself to dwell there. The battles must ultimately be won in your mind, by refusing to linger on tempting thoughts.

Dave: For that reason it is important to put boundaries in your relationships with people outside of your marriage. For as long as I can remember, Donalyn, you and I have agreed not to have a close friendship with someone of the opposite sex unless they are a close friend to both of us. We limit our contact with these people, and we never go out for lunch or for coffee alone with a person of the opposite sex.

Donalyn: And be careful about verbal bantering and teasing. Women listen for words. Be sure that your kindness isn’t being misunderstood, and don’t let any sexual innuendos creep into your jokes, or allow teasing to become an enticement.

Dave: Of course, you also need to draw the line in physical contact. While Donalyn and I are both compassionate and expressive people, we very rarely give frontal hugs to people of the opposite sex. Instead we just come beside them and give them a hug that way. You may think you’re just encouraging someone with a little hug, but that can be misinterpreted very easily.

Donalyn: When you are really being tempted, the best thing you can do is simply flee. Put distance between you and the person that is being a distraction to you and to your marriage. That is what Joseph did in Genesis 39 when he ran from Potipher’s wife: he put distance between himself and the temptation.

Dave: When it really comes down to it, God needs to anchor us in our relationships. We honour both God and our mate when we make Jesus the Lord of our eyes and our heart. Ask Him to set a watch over your eyes and your mind, so that you do not fall into temptation yourself, or become a temptation to someone else. Ask Him what steps you need to take to protect your marriage right now.

May closeness, passion, and faithfulness continue to grow between you and your spouse!

© 2003 FamilyLife Canada . Used by permission.

How is your love life? Do you need to talk? If you fill out this form, one of our mentors will contact you to listen and speak with you confidentially.

Please describe your situation or question in the space provided below...
Your Name *
Please be careful to enter your email address correctly so we can contact you.
Your Email *
Confirm Email *
Male or Female *
City, Country
The conversation is free, confidential and non-judgmental. You can keep talking to your mentor as long as you like and there is never a fee. Talking about ideas, decisions and fears is better than not talking about them.


196 Responses to “Love My Spouse, But I’m Attracted to Someone Else”

  • Aldo says:

    LonelyWife, let me say first that I do not know if you have ever confessed to God that you are a sinner, are sorry for your sins, and that you need a Savior. That Savior is Jesus Christ, the Son of God who suffered and died that your sins could be forgiven. He must be accepted as such, and personally received as Lord and Savior.

    LonelyWife, that is the foundation on which a successful marriage must be built. All other foundations are like building a home on sand. As soon as strong winds and high water comes, the house falls. Christ is the underpinning which holds no matter what.

    Now, as for your issue, the reason divorce is over 50% in all marriages, even among Christians, is because of the manner in which you, and others, think. Believe me, I was there too. But, I know that God can change that for you as He did for me. I had just about given up on my wife and children. Then one night I cried out to God, and He heard me and answered me. He gave me a love for my wife which I had never before had, and I knew that He had done it.

    Since then, He has shown me that marriage is not so much about finding the right partner, but about being the right partner. Get that right, and the other will fall into place. Let’s pray:

    Heavenly Father, You know LonelyWife better than she knows herself. You know all that she is going through. Help her to get her thoughts aright. Grant her a love for her spouse which she has not had before. Impress upon her the importance of being the best spouse according to Your Word that she could be, in Jesus Name I pray, amen.

  • LonelyWife says:

    I am a stay at home mom of a 20 month old. I never get to get out or away and I’m always on call day and night with the baby. I tried working for a few months since my husband constantly thought I was being lazy and non-supportive by staying home. That didn’t work but I met a guy who made me smile and made me feel free. I’m not sure that he was trying to flirt but sometimes I felt like he was, maybe in just a playful way. I enjoyed it so much. I loved it so much that someone felt like it was worth their time to make me smile or just talk to me about a bunch of nothing. The best word is free. I felt free. Now I’m back at home and have been for a few months and lately all I can think about is going to see that guy or finding another man to share my time with because my husband just doesn’t want to spend time with me. He may be in the house but he is not present. Always on a video game or mostly a cell phone. The only time he spends with me without the phone is sex which lately is simply bland and unsatisfying. He is a good man but he just refuses to listen to how I feel without interrupting how he feels or telling me that what I feel is stupid or unjustified. He thinks I don’t do a good enough job keeping the house clean, baby happy, him satisfied, and myself put together. He never seems to care until I’m so strung out that I have a mental breakdown and am to the point of physically hurting myself. I don’t plan to hurt myself, it just happens when something just sends me over the edge of my stress and I have no other way to cope. I’m desperate for loving companionship and I just am not getting it. I am not a cheater but I know most people don’t cheat because they planned on it but I keep imagining being held in someone else’s arms who actually seems to care at least a little. I don’t know how to tell him or get through to him.

  • elp says:

    You need to see a competent psychiatrist!.

  • Chris says:

    Jackie…i regret to hear of your struggles…proverbs 4.20 to 27 teaches us to guard our hearts very diligently because the heart is what determines the outcome of imporant events in our lives and our destiny as well. so you do well in your mentioning of taking certain steps to erradicate this temptation from your life as we already have enough temptations coming at us as it is. yes, cutting off contact with this person, fasting, being in Gods Word, having godly women pray over you, etc are ways you can insure that your heart remains pure to jesus and your husband. none of us have perfect marriages but as we find the way to stay committed to christ, then we will stay committed to our mates as well. praying you do and that jesus becomes even more special to you so that you can see your husband through his eyes always for his glory and in his name amen

  • Jackie says:

    I am a Christian woman and have been married for 4 years now. .

    I love my husband to bits even though we have a few challenges due to hard jobs,long hours and lack of time to bond with each other or even doing chord..
    The only areas we have issues about at times ,not big fight or issue rea?ly, but we clash over keeping our home clean as I get tired trying to do so and my husband is helpful but he helps only when asked.At times he doesn’t help when askes as he has other priorities or is tired.

    I also get upset with him very often when he doesn’t take care of his hygiene. ..I always demand that he has a shower when he returns home but because he has had a tiring day and failure to inculcate that habit he doesn’t always…I only mentioned the above to let you know the areas in which we clash..
    he’s very loyal and I’m the only woman he’s ever had or loved. ..he’s the man any Christian woman would want to marry..

    I knew he was the one chosen for me which is Why I married HIM..

    EVEN though I did not find myself that attracted to him physically , I was dran to him somehow…we have a healthy sex life ..I’m not the kind of person that care too much about it anyway. .

    What I feel matters to me is connecting, talking ,bonding and mind chemistry..

    I have been very loyal to my husband …even though I may have felt slight attraction to certain people , I was able to ignore those strange emotions. .

    I’m a very sensitive and conscious person. ..

    Probably not having a reliable father in life had unknowingly created a void in me…I think but I’m not sure…

    But I do care if someone from the opposite sex notices me or checks me out. ..I do care about how I look and always like to be presentable, Probably I seek approval unknowingly. ..I don’t make it obvious but I’m speaking out after I’ve searched my inner man.

    What is strange is I’ve come in contact with an illiterate guy who I’ve been talking to a lot…he is anything but attractive , he’s anything but desirable in terms of his looks or present ability. ..he even doesn’t groom or even smell good. ..

    I am sorry for being so blunt but I feel there IS something here that needs addressing.

    I can tell he likes me and I’ve been grossed with the thought but at the same time I feel I have been enjoying the attention he gives me…

    He’s annoyingly talkative but over a period of a few months I feel we’ve developed a bond…

    It’s crazy how we have developed a bond…

    I don’t want to do anything with me but I feel my mind is playing tricks with me…

    I do find myseld thinking of him or what he says a lot and I do feel like i want to see him more frequently. ..

    I don’t like when our journey ends and we have to part..

    I enjoy chatting with him, as if I found a friend in him which is not right…I feel extremely guilty because I can’t imagine what I am feeling ..

    On several occasion I feel he makes me smile and he makes me laugh and happy…I enjoy being around him

    I think I should stop traveling with him and all contacts but I feel that I don’t want him totally out of my life ..

    Perhaps if he showed zero interest in me it would be easier but I can tell he is very fond of me too…

    I am thinking that I’ve possibly developed a soul tie with him. ..

    I’ve been working on spending alone time with my husband, bond, date nights

    With him ..

    I am thinking of fasting and dwe?ling on the Word as well..

    But what else can I do ?I want to break free from these emotions. .

    Pls can you help?

  • elp says:

    Let us be practical.God loves you anyway. One is not a bad person for loving anyone.One can love another and this is reality. .Man is not God and no man or woman can judge another. Do your own thing.Good people are good people.I am not talking about narcissists or predators they are very sick people.

  • elp says:

    I don’t believe your ideas will ever make any sense. Let each person live his own life the way they see fit. Your advice does not fit every one.NOTHING is fair and people will continue to have lovers and sometime it may be necessary to do so when they are trapped in marriage for financial reasons and for security.Especially women. I am not going to judge any one for their arrangement. One has to do what one has to do..

  • Chris says:

    jessica…sorry to hear of your sturggle but at the same time, being tempted is not a sin. 1 corinthians 10.13, hebrews 4.14 to 16. my suggestion would be to share christ with this person. give him a góspel tract and you, by putting this persons soul first, will break that attraction by wanting the best for him and nothing for yourself. jesus bless you as you do!!

  • Jessica says:

    Hi. My husband and I have been married for going on three years this year. We married young. I’m saved. Raised in church. I started a new job and for the first time in our marriage I’m all of a sudden attracted to my coworker. It’s crazy because I’m saved and I’m always helping people with their faith and now I’m falling in sin myself and I don’t understand. I want to crawl in a corner and cry. My husband and I had our issues in the beginning when he couldn’t stop talking and seeing some women but we’re doing AWESOME now. I guess it’s the idea of flirting with someone new and you know they think you’re beautiful because they keep staring and wanting to learn more about you. My husband is a great guy and is trying to be a better husband but I don’t understand why this guy has my interest. I know the enemy is out to ruin my marriage because we’re growing in a much better direction now.

  • Chris says:

    anonymous….sorry to hear of your struggles. as a married person myself, one thing i have learned over the years is that my love for my wife must transcend feelings. there are days i feel my love for her. there are other days i feel absolutely nothing. this is all part of the process jesus Works in us as he conforms us to him and his uncondtional love that he has for us. its imperative that you and i have a close relationship with christ or else the boredom of life and marriage can soon take a person into situations they dont want to be in but find no way out of. if you would like more information on having a victorious, true love-filled life through christ, log onto or click talk to a mentor above. my prayer for you is that you would come close to christ and in doing so you will come back closer to your husband in jesus name amen!

  • anonymous says:

    Hi, I have been married for 13 years. I’m only 38 but have been with my husband (dating) since 15 yrs old. I find myself Stuck….I’m not in-love. Now I have a huge crush on my boss. He is also married & I know he;d never pursue any affair, neither would I. But I feel he does subtly (without getting himself in trouble) flirt with me. I in return do the same. It will never go anywhere, but for some reason I like it. My husband adores me…and I love him, but do not feel any passion at all. I have no interest in sex or affection with him. He feels rejected. I do not know what to do….Do I keep trying to fall in-love again, or let him go??? He is a great person, but over the years has let me down for reason I will not go into detail about. He is such a good dad…but I don;t feel anything anymore….Advice please. :(

  • Chris says:

    shay…so sorry to hear of your struggles…one thing very important here to me is distinguishing between communication he may send her for work purposes and communication she may send him for personal reasons which he may not be able to stop or control always. your husband should have only one female friend and that is you. personal communications with other females have no place in a true and biblical marriage unless they are unavoidable which they dont seem to be in this case. yes, you should ask your husband to refrain from these things. if he doesnt comply then you might pray about distancing yourself from him at least emotionally because these situations can be potentially hurtful as you know. above all, i pray that you would see that even the best marriage still isnt capable of making you truly happy since marriages involve imperfect people who can never please us always anyway. i would point you to the one who can and that is jesus christ. having a personal relationship with him is utmost to insure personal and true happiness. if you would like more information on how to do that log onto or click talk to a mentor above. i pray that your eyes would be open to how much christ loves you and cares for you and that in seeing the imperfections of your husbnad, you will the perfections of jesus christ amen

  • Shay says:

    Hi, i’m having problems getting over the fact that my husband had feelings for one of his co workers. They’ve had a very close relationship over the years (while my husband and I were just boyfriend/girlfriend), and now that we are married, they still remained close friends until now (well i hope so). Two days ago I found a post card he got from her for his birthday, in his gym bag. It read “To my Guy T, you are more cherished than you think, from your girl S”… I immediately flipped, I called him over the phone, screaming to the top of my voice how inappropriate that card was as well as the “friendship” they shared. I am extremely hurt as over the years, I’ve questioned their friendship and was always “reassured” that it wasn’t that big of a deal; it was nothing. I’ve read their countless conversations and found it inappropriate as it included jokes that contained sexual innuendos, sharing of each other’s relationship issues with their significant others (which i’ve always objected to, since the female in question is familiar with me and I wished that my business remained private), one example of the inappropriateness of their friendship was that he tagged her in a picture of a penis with a “snickers” chocolate wrapper logo stuck to it (it was not his penis, it was just a random meme floating on the internet)… My husband and I have had arguments over this and the last time before this incident, he reassured me that he would “fix” the problem. His meaning of fixing the problem, was deleting the text messages and phone calls so that I wouldn’t see them, however, on different occasions, I’ve seen that they still had their close relationship going(as the conversations suggested), unfortunately, the next time I picked up his phone, the messages were deleted, phone calls as well. Its only until the postcard incident, that I mentioned earlier, I told him that I was leaving him, I messaged his parents that as well. Its only then, he became serious about cutting off their “friendship” and mentioned to me that he was sorry. During that moment, I felt relieved and comforted and reassured him that I loved him. At that moment I thought I had forgiven him, until now. Two days later, I’m angry, depressed, and hurt all over again. I feel as if I let him off too easy. I feel as if I want revenge and I want to see him hurt the same way he hurt me. I feel betrayed and misled, since over the years, his reassurance that their relationship was not inappropriate, have turned out to be a lie. Now my issue is trusting him now, as I believe that cheating begins in the mind. He claimed that they never had any sexual relations or physical contact, which I believe, but I can’t get over the fact that he felt this way about another person for so long! I felt as if I was cheated on… Am I over-reacting? Was it really not that a big of a deal? We’ve opted to go for counselling. All advice is welcomed please. I really need it.

    Ps. we’ve been married for 6 months and share a beautiful baby boy.


  • Chris says:

    swagata….1 corinthians 7.14 encourages you to know that your faith sanctifies the unbelief of your husband until he comes to christ himself. all marriages go through rough waters. that is how we prove our love for christ and our mates by sticking with them in the tough times. jesus will work this out in his time as you stay faithful to him and stay in your church for suppport. all storms come to an end. psalm 119.104…i hate very false way. your husbands friend is not the way. jesus help you to see that. blessings!

  • Swagata says:

    Hi Chris thank you for your advice I am a Christian and cling to Jesus ever so tightly like always.Although my husband is a buddhist he had immense faith however after the miscarriage I cant seem to influence him to come back to God,he has lost faith and that is probably wht is affecting me as well.I pray I have a family soon(meaning:child of my own)but he doesnt want me to get pregnant again,ever.I am at my wits end.
    I have already fallen for his friend and will not sleep with him,but I guess my temptaions will get the better of me,and I might end up telling him.

  • Chris says:

    swagata….i regret to hear of your struggles. we understand that being married can represent some serious challenges when problems arise that were no forseen at the wedding altar. during these times its imperative that we fall back upon our relationship to God through his Son jesus christ. there is really no viable way to have a happy married amidst problems without at least one of the partners knowing christ personally and thereby bringing into the marriage stability that may be lacking. we would hope that the man, being the stronger character would be the stablizing factor but sadly many times that isnt true so the wife needs to be stronger through her faith in God. if you would like more information on having Gods love and strength in your life, log onto or click talk to a mentor above for help. meantime i would pray that you would keep your distance from your husbands friend, knowing that he isnt the solution to your problems but will only créate more for you if you find yourself wanting to get close to someone who isnt your husband. i pray jesus bless you with his knowledge in his name i pray amen!

  • Swagata says:

    Hi,Im married for five years now and love my husband dearly.Things have become extremely difficult after my second miscarriage which happened at 6 months.He has been extremely unsupportive throughout this period.Refuses to have sex or bond with me in any way,has completely immersed himself in work and has become almost an alcoholic.Even if he does decide to have sex he almost always can never ejaculate losing his erection much before anything has happened.I am falling for his friend not sexually but need him as i feel he will emotionally support me since he knows his frien very much.I feel the need to tell him and get it over with.Please give me advice.

  • Swagata says:

    Hi I am extremely attacted to my husband s best friend.I really want to tell him.Please help.

  • Barbara Alpert Barbara Alpert says:

    Dear FU, thank you for opening up and voicing your opinion regarding this article. I’m not sure what is taking place in your life and perhaps your relationship with a significant other, but if you would like to comment more then maybe we could shed Light on the dark situation you might be facing.

    According to the Bible, God is the initiator of relationships and Satan seeks to kill, steal and destroy anything that is of God and is good. Honesty, forgiveness, love, and integrity are all generated from God’s Spirit that resides within each Believer. On the opposite side is dishonesty, bitterness, hatred and discord, which derives from the enemy or our selfish, sinful desires of the flesh. However, such can be over come by repenting our faults to God and turning away from such behaviors and practices. This takes place when God’s Spirit impresses upon our heart and mind that something is not right and it needs to be dealt with. Does this make sense to you?

  • FU says:

    Bad, bad advice! Telling someone to tell their spouse that they are attracted to someone else can backfire in their face and leave them standing there with nothing! Coming clean is not the answer for everyone and to dish this advice out to readers is horrible! Laura is right, this is a useless article. Leave relationship counseling out of religion (religion is only used as a tool to control the masses anyway) and stick to talking about that book you hold so dear. Pathetic, all of you!!!!

  • Chris says:

    krieshalyn…i am sad to hear about your situation. men and husbands can be cruel, especially when their hearts are far from christ who is true love and kindness. of course, the easy way out is to seek another relationship but we know God has a better way when adultery is not involved of course. God can and wants to renew your husbands heart towards you as his wife but he needs a touch from christ for that to happen as we all do. and who of us doesnt need more of the love of christ in our lives ourselves? to have a true love relationship with our mates, we need to have a love relationship with jesus the lover of our souls first. i encourage you to check out more on knowing jesus as your personal savior at… or click talk to a mentor above. you will find that if you first come into closeness with christ, that your husband will follow you and that is Gods promise to you as you show him the real jesus who lives inside. also check out for great insights on having a true Christian and christ blessed home. i pray for you now in jesus name that you would find the true love of christ in your life to be able to communicate it to your husband, child and all those in need of his great love and mercy amen!

  • kieshalyn says:

    Hi just want to share my situation for I feel guilty this past few days for what I’m doing, my husband is my first love, I have fling relationship before but it doesn’t counted as one serious thing, ever since when where just boyfriend and girlfriend I feel like he don’t respect me as a woman specially when we had fight, but because of my love to him I still want to marry him, I even insisted him to get married, and now where married things still the same I’m not saying he’s a bad person, he just a type of person that get easily mad and rude, he don’t even respect he’s parents specially when he’s not in the mood, and I really don’t like he’s attitude, he feels like he’s always right, and don’t even know how to say sorry, he have explanation in everything, he have a good side also when he in the mood, but since our last fight when he break our drawer and shouted at me and even push me away and said that I can stay but do not say anything with him, he’s not giving me right on him as wife, after that I get depressed, I started dating and begin to be attracted with some else, even though my husband don’t treat me well I feel guilty for my child, but since I started dating with this guy I feel like I forgot all my problem and enjoying it. But I know it’s wrong for he have family too so to I, It’s just really hard to let him go for he’s treating me so nice, he respect me so much, but I know it’s wrong and I don’t know what to do I’m started loving him, If he’s not there I will get depressed again with my situation with my husband, but when he’s there even though my husband don’t treat me right I just like don’t care anymore.

  • Chris says:

    Sharon…i am sorry to hear of this struggle. its true that many husband and wives have had this temptation so dont think of yourself as being odd. one practical way would be to sit farther away from this person in church so that there is no eye contact. if he is involved in one of the groups you are in, keep your distance and dont engage in conversation. most likely he is only there because of you and not for spiritual reasons. if necessary, change groups if you can to keep as far away from this person as you can. always think of what damage would happen to his wife and family if anything would develop between you and him and your own husband and children as well. think of the regret, the torment, the guilt you would have after the affair had finished and the horrible reputation and even break up of your family through divorce. it could all happen with just one wrong move. what temporary pleasure in payment of a lifetime of regret would be worth it? get on for help in strengthening your marriage and also if you need more help, get with your pastors wife for counseling and prayer assistance as well. i pray jesus strengthen your heart now towards him and your husband so that the three fold chord of of ecclesiastes 4 which is jesus, you and your husband, never be broken!

  • sharon says:

    i have been married for 7 years with two kids. I love my husband and children.last year i noticed a guy in church who wont stop staring at me. i caught his gazw several times. he is very attractive and handsome and i keep wondering why he does that. he is married with 3 kids. recently he joined a department am actively involved in in the church. i am getting attracted to him but i definitely know nothing can happen between us.

  • Shelley says:

    Dear Father God.

    Lord i lift up my brother to You at this time in his life that You will open his heart to You in regards to his situation in life. In Jesus name amen

  • Alex Rodriguez says:

    I have been having a problem that isn’t simply looking at a woman you are obviously a woman with no understanding of men with God comments come on this has nothing to do with God or higher energies of any sort don’t act like you know because of someone with a legit problem your own thoughts on it were extremely annoying and ignorant to read guys Fall in love with women because of deeper feelings as well and head turning to an attractive woman is not weird girls do this as well it’s the fact of truly being attracted to someone for whatever reason and I do agree about the problems at home leading to seeing someone else who is just happy to see you being very refreshing but please you write this article like you know and you don’t men are deep as well even if we hide it

  • Chris Landwerlen says:

    rashid…may you continue the Word and work of the lord today!!

  • Rashid says:

    Chris Land were
    Thank you for praying for God blessing. Love is very important blessing to you too in Jesus name Amen

  • Chris Landwerlen says:

    rashid…i stand with you in prayer so that both men and women will not use the office environment for sinful means. blessings!

  • Rashid says:

    I am sure all men and women Know About Office Romance It Is Hard FOR special for married woman with children it destroy children life and family I don’t know how women can get aw away because when she see every day same people she spend more time with coworker than she spend time with children and husband.i hope some will clear for me beside pray to God that is m ok sd t worry to marry and have children

  • Chris Landwerlen says:

    Natalie…the bible says we must guard our hearts above all things. your temptations are no different than millions of others. we live in very dangerous and sensual times when jesus said his return would be like the times of sodom and gomorrah. we must do all we can to seek jesus early each morning as his good soldiers, do some fasting as we can to neutralize the fleshes desires and be people of the Word and be sharing it with the lost. whenever we are tempted to love someone in a wrong way, we should share the love of christ with them. that will neutralize our desire to get in Gods way. blessings!

  • Natalie says:

    This has been an absolute Godsend for me.

    I am happily married to my husband for a little over 2 years. To me, he is perfect – patient, kind, caring, attentive and would do anything for me. For the past two/three months, I have been in close contact with an ex-colleague of mine. I had been attracted to him for the last six months or so, but due to my profession and the fact that we worked together, I did not initiate any communication which was outside of our scope of work. He would always come into my office and talk to me, and I felt that he was attracted to me too.

    After he left work, we started messaging each other on Whatsapp. I spent my birthday with him (lunch and a movie) and we would often chat late into the night and the first thing in the morning. Needless to say, he would be the last person I would speak to at night and the first in the morning (and vice versa). After a few weeks of messaging, it came to light that both of us were attracted to each other. There were some inappropriate messages between us about our dreams and fantasies. He would call me on the phone all the time (everyday and sometimes twice a day) but we would just speak like we were old mates, it was never anything inappropriate.

    The chemistry between us is amazing, to the point that people who don’t know us think that there is something going on. We had lunch one day and were just talking when a woman walked past our table and said “Get a room, you two!” He has given me a shoulder rub before and I ended up lying in his arms and I thought that I could be there forever. I ended up pulling away because I was afraid of what might happen next. He later revealed that he was thinking of kissing me up until I pulled away.

    And that was the last time I saw him. I was supposed to visit him at his house, but he cancelled and sent me a message later saying that he needed to keep his distance because it was too difficult to be around me and that we would end up doing things we shouldn’t be doing. We continued being friends and stopped the inappropriate messages. He would still call me, and I know that he still had feelings for me, but he would tell me about the girls that he was dating and it drove me insane. I finally decided to tell him that I needed some time apart and he did not take it well. He blocked my number and blocked me on Whatsapp and Facebook. I know that he did me a big favour and a big part of me wonders whether he was honouring what I said to him ages ago “Please be strong for the both of us”.

    I knew it was the right thing to do, and I did it because I knew that continuing on this path would be detrimental to my marriage. But it cuts me every time I think about it, or him or how it all ended. I wonder what he is up to, and I miss him terribly. He may have been using me, but I am devastated to think that I may have hurt him due to my own selfish desires. I knew that we would have never worked as a couple and I am extremely happy with my husband, but this other person just gave me goosebumps.

    I need to get over it. I go to Church every Sunday and pray for God to help me through this time. He has given me a wonderful gift of a child in the meantime and I am currently 11 weeks pregnant.

    I’m not sure exactly what I’m looking for here, I guess I also wanted to thank you for a wonderful article and the great advice that has been given on this forum. I have found much of it to be very useful. Thank you.


  • Jamie Jamie says:

    Hi Suman, so how are you able to follow through with your conviction to stop the lust and the flirting?

  • Suman says:

    HI, in my case also i decided to quit my feeling of attraction with other women next door to my office so not to loose my attention to my wife and a kid boy.

    My office was shifted to a new location in a complex, so next door of my office there is another office and a GIRL on it. I did not even notice her clearly for 6 months in my new office, neither i talked to her nothing. Then one day she came to to my office just to ask for some stationary, then that was the turning point, i became attracted to her and started to approach her with same ‘the boy-kinda funny ideas’ started to google ‘how to cheat wife’ and decided to get her online-social connection to take things further.
    but i feel to stop this now, and sacrifice my temptation, passion, attraction, lust.

    I quit. i am not approaching her, i will not get online connection with her, i will not check her activities, when she comes or goes. I will stop right here.

  • Doris Beck Doris Beck says:

    Lust in the Head,
    I’m glad to hear that you realize that what you were feeling for your old friend was only a fantasy since as a single man he has no idea of what you as a stay at home mother of 4 have gone through(and obviously since he is still single he doesn’t want to be tied down or have a family) What you have done is the right thing….limit contact with him.

    There is a great verse in the Bible that talks about ‘taking every thought captive’ and that’s exactly what you need to do…..when those thoughts of regret or sadness come regarding your marriage, think about all that you have to be thankful for, a husband who loves you, children that love you……right now it might seem like you won’t ever have a professional life but your children will grow up in a hurry and before you know it you can be out in the working world again. Trust me! I’ve seen a lot of my friends do it….

  • Lust in the Head says:

    My husband too is wonderful. Kind, loyal, hardworking, loving, and committed to me and our children. However, we rushed into getting married at a young age and he made me a stay at home mom to our kids when I always thought I wanted to be a career woman. I worked in a professional office before for 4 years and I do have a bachelor’s degree, but that was then, 7 years ago, and now I’m just a stay at home mom. I can’t even take on a hobby, work, go for volunteering, or further my education, because of his crazy work schedule which is so random. And I refuse to get a baby sitter. So I feel stuck at where I am and bored where I am too, while my husband gets to have a career, and even go on vacation with his guy friends while I am always the one with the kids at home. I try to explain to my husband my feelings, but I don’t think he gets it. I feel he thinks I am so loyal and will always be his woman at home. Recently, an old friend of mine from my childhood days moved into town. I seen him, and seen how handsome and mature he has grown into. He is also very successful and ended up getting a degree as a Nuclear Engineer. He is working hard making his own money, traveling the world, and he is still single. I fell instantly attracted to him. His eyes. His smile, and his better physique than my husband. I wanted to kiss him. And I couldn’t stop thinking about him. He no way feels any of this for me, since I am after all a mother and married. But my friend has a place in my heart and I fantasize being with him. I know it’s just lust, but its still wrong and I should lust after my own husband and not another man. What I have done to counter this is to limit contact with my friend and instead fantasize more about my husband and also think about my children’s lives. Still there is this sadness in my heart regretting ever getting married.

  • Michael Jantzen Michael Jantzen says:

    Hello Salman,

    Thank you for sharing your story. Have you tried communicating with your wife about why you two are not having sex? It seems that to fulfill your sexual desire, you are now walking on a slippery slope. If you continue lusting over your maid and pursue her sexually, you may destroy your marriage. I don’t believe fulfilling your sexual desire with your maid is the answer. Can you recall a season in life when you and your wife were doing well and having plenty of sex? What has happened to your relationship since then?

  • Salman says:

    Im a 40 year old and married . I love my wife but not have any sex for longtime. Now i attracted to my house maid. i looking at her for very long time when she is working and cleaning the house. when my wife is out of house i masterbate looking at her cleaning the house. Before my maid didnot say and avoided to see towards me when i was doing masterbation. over few times she looks at me and smiles. does she also want physical relation with me?

  • Marjorie Jenkins says:

    I am attracted physically also. Yes, emotionally, very much so. But just physical also. So that part of this article is wrong.

  • Priya says:

    Iam married for 5months. In these 5 months I often went to my mothers place. Once I went after marriage, then i went for about 2 times. After the last time I went and came back I saw that my husbands behavior was changed a lot towards me . He was not much interested in me. And i feel as if he don’t love me anymore.what will I do?

  • Jamie Jamie says:

    Hi Laura, I agree that not all men and women are the same in the way they feel attraction and what stimulates that attraction. How would you say your visual attraction to men is similar/different to a man’s? How has that impacted your life and your relationships?

  • Jamie Jamie says:

    Hi cee, does your husband understand why the lack of intimacy is so hard for you? How have the two of you tried to work things out together?

  • Jamie Jamie says:

    Hi Sumitra, how does your illegal husband feel about fathering a child that he cannot be a father to? How do you think your legal husband will react when he finds out that this child is not his? Have you talked with anybody in your family about this?

  • cee says:

    I agree with Laura. I find myself being not only emotionally attracted to other men but physically as well. I am also offended that often men are labeled as the high sex drive partner and its conveyed as if women just have sex for the heck of it and get no joy from it. Our issue is that my husband has sexual disorders and it makes him less interested than me. And b/c he is disinterested there is a lack in our relationship. And so far there is no amount of prayer, exercise, books, conversation that has taken the place of sex and intimacy in our marriage. The lack of sex has had an over arching effect on our entire relationship and we’re more platonic than romantic. It has been extremely hard for me the past few years b/c his disorder has been at its worst and I’m weary of feeling guilty b/c I want sex and he doesn’t. So for me the attraction is more than emotional it is definitely physical!

  • Laura says:

    I just googled “why am I attracted to other people”. Then I read

    “Men are visually stimulated and women are more emotionally driven, so the temptations for a man to be attracted to a person of the opposite sex, based simply on looks, are far greater than for a woman.”

    This is what’s going on with me and I’m a woman. Your article isn’t helpful at all. What help could it be?

  • sumitra says:

    i am 21 years now. last 3 years i am married to a old man of 60 . because of my family poverty. my parents made my marriage to that old man who is 10 years elder of my husband had 2 wives both are died. i am 3rd wife of my husband. my husband many times sex with me but he is not satisfied to me. when he puts his penis to my vagina its dis charge immidiately , after marriage 2 years he did not give me child.heis a businessman . many times he is out of home. in his absence i met a man of 40 in shoping. he attrect towords me. i also talk to him. finaly we are friends. then we moves for marketing ,cinema and hotels in absence of my husband. then i felt in love and sex with that guy. finally i got pregante andborn a daughter . my husband think this his child. i enjoy both of legal and illegal husband.

Leave a Reply