Comments on: Help! I love my spouse, but I’m attracted to someone else

By: Sharon

Tue, 24 Apr 2012 04:10:07 +0000

dear desertgirl40– prayer-father God i pray for desertgirl right now for guidance on how to speak to her husband and have a good communication with him give her favor and i pray for a soften heart for the husband and for this marriage to keep going i pray for a miracle for her i pray everything in JESUS name amen. i am praying for you both. love sharon

By: Desertgirl40

Desertgirl40 — Tue, 17 Apr 2012 10:12:30 +0000

Wow, all so true! Communication is so key with your spouse. There has been some distance between my spouse and I and I feel like we need to sit down and have a real talk. I see good looking men everyday and it is difficult when things aren’t great in your marriage. I’m going to sit down and have a heart to heart and move forward. We have been married 19 years now but marriage always brings on new challenges no matter how long you have been in it, so pray for me!

By: Jamie

Wed, 11 Apr 2012 15:58:16 +0000

Thank you Me, that is some really good advice. I love your last line “When you’re in line with God and letting him break you when you need it, your actions will be directed properly.” It is true god does direct our actions, words and attitudes when we focus our attention on Him and seek His help in living life.

Sophia, I would encourage you to make God the focus of your dreams. Talk to Him about what He wants for you. Spend time listening to Him speak to you through your Bible reading, prayer and times with other believers. Pray for Him to transform you so that you will be equipped to respond to your husband in healthy ways. Pray for your husband. If your mind is focussed on knowing God and follwoing Him no matter what, He will guard you from being consumed by ‘ideas’ that are contrary to His plan and purpose.

By: Me

Me — Mon, 09 Apr 2012 01:27:03 +0000

Understand too that these were days during which I was not in agreement with God about how my life should be lived. It is easy to live in God’s will when it agrees with what YOU want. Just this morning I shook a very handsome man’s hand, at church, in front of the altar. I said, “Your hands are sweaty.” He replied, “I’m eternally hot.” Many ways to take that. I opened my mouth, and God closed it without a word coming out. Just two days ago I prayed for repentance concerning this very attractive man, asking God to help me not go there because his wife is my friend. It was almost as if God had to prove it to me, that he was working on it. Their adult daughter was sitting there when it happened. I was VERY glad that God closed my mouth. I value my friendship with her far more than I ever valued his, and I’ve known him for 15 years. When you’re in line with God and letting him break you when you need it, your actions will be directed properly.

By: Me

Me — Mon, 09 Apr 2012 01:21:18 +0000

Sophia, that’s how it starts, the IDEA of someone. That’s a lie that Satan allows us to believe is OK. It’s just an idea, it can’t really hurt anyone.

Torn apart, the idea eventually leads to an attraction to someone. If you do not actively resist it and keep reminding yourself you’re married (worse, you’re actually OK with the attraction), then eventually it’ll lead to you giving in.

The first time, my also-married friend propositioned me on the day we were leaving town to move to another state. It resulted in me being very confused and moving back within two weeks to see if there really was anything there with this other person. He soon dumped me for another person who wasn’t attaching herself to him, and I got to watch that play out while we were all at work. Eventually he asked my friend if I would want to get back together, and my friend of course said no, but she didn’t tell him I was trying to patch things up with my husband. He fortunately understood the type of person the other man was and helped me to actually strengthen myself against it.

The second time, also during a period where my husband was not giving me what I needed emotionally, turned into a 4-year emotional affair that was consummated on the night before he was leaving town to move out of state. (No, I really don’t like to move.) He thought that because we were both married that I would continue to be the “other woman” but the day he called me and asked me to lie to his wife that we never had sex, I was done. Next thing I know, she was ringing my phone number constantly, telling me I could have him. I of course at that point wasn’t interested but she was certainly interested in telling me exactly what I had helped destroy. It was the best thing that could have happened, because after that I was able to decide I would NEVER do that to anyone else again. It was a very high price to pay … years of feeling emotionally inadequate at the hand of someone who “loved” me, followed by knowing I had helped separate a father from his children. Nope, I am done. Won’t ever cheat again.

By: Sophia

Sophia — Sat, 07 Apr 2012 17:28:07 +0000

I’m glad I found this article. My circumstance has bits similar to those who have shared their stories. The only difference is I am not attracted to a specific someone but just to an “idea” of someone, in other words I daydream to help cope with the emptiness and the inability to feel what I used to feel for my spouse in the early years of our union. I’m not even sure if my sharing is appropriate for this article because now I am beginning to wonder if it was love which brought us together or something else [whereas the article says "I love my husband"]. I love my husband now as a friend, not as a husband. Like “Pray for Me” I feel I missed out so much on life, and I’m helpless to note that I could not go back and bring back the years. I allowed my husband to “dictate” my life believing that in exchange for my obedience he would help me find happiness and fulfilment. I can hear you say “one cannot expect someone else to be responsible for his/her happiness” but I did not know better then. He knew of my submissive inclinations because of my upbringing and I thought that was but natural that a wife “submits” to her husband in the same way that my Carers’ words were the law in my single life. But now I cannot help but feel my husband took advantage of my upbringing. He was aware his “do’s and dont’s” made me unhappy. When one takes advantage of another, Love could NOT possibly be there. I cut ties with my friends because he forbade it so I dealt with my personal problems on my own. At times when I feel overwhelmed I cannot help but wonder if God was testing my patience during the time when I crossed path with husband, that maybe God meant someone else for me but because I did not wait then all there is left for me now is to live the consequences of the choices I made. So unlike the others who seek advice how to stop being attracted to another man, mine is more of a sharing – I picture myself in another lifetime being with a man not my husband.

By: torn apart

torn apart — Sat, 07 Apr 2012 03:08:31 +0000

Dear Me,
Thank you for kind reply to this devastating experience. You are correct I do not want to be attracted to this other person. He befriended me at work before I even knew what was happening and what his true intentions were. I am on my knees seeking God’s guidance. I am a devote Christian that despartely wants to work this out with her spouse. Please tell me what happened in your experience it sounds very painful per your posting. I may seek out another position if the unwanted attention does not cease at work. This has been very difficult emotionally. Thanks for your kindness and for having the courage to share your story. God bless!

By: Torn apart

Torn apart — Sat, 07 Apr 2012 03:03:12 +0000

Dear Me,
Thank you for your sincere reply. I am on my knees seeking God’s guidance in this heartbreaking experience. I have not overstepped in the direction of cheating but the option is there. I want very much to work things out with my spouse and like you stated: I don’t want to be attracted to this other person. The other person befriended me at work before I even realized what his true intentions were-he knows very well I am married. I am angry with myself for not being better prepared to see the attraction and the intentions earlier. I am a deeply devoted Christian and you are correct I am not feeling really good about any of this at the moment. Please tell me what happened with your experience it sounds devastating per your posting. Thank you for your kindness and the courage to tell your story. God bless!

By: Me

Me — Fri, 06 Apr 2012 10:37:26 +0000

Torn apart, look at WHY you’re attracted to this other person. If you truly do not want to be attracted to this person, get on your knees and ask God to remove it. That works. If you feel it again, get on your knees again. Ask God for the strength to resist temptation also. As someone who has gone there, you do NOT want to get into the cheating habit; it is extremely painful and you’ll feel horribly unworthy afterwards. Please don’t go there! My husband and I have patched things up but Satan still waves that flag at me, trying to get me to go there again. Sometimes I have to resist multiple times in a day but I do it because I love my husband and I made a promise to him that I would never go there again.

By: Torn apart

Torn apart — Fri, 06 Apr 2012 00:48:43 +0000

Married for over 10 years my husband has good character, caring and sensitive. Has a good heart. Problem is I feel emotionally disconnected most of the time. I don’t feel like he knows where I am at emotionally most of the time and I feel alone. I have tried to talk to him about this and at times feel like he listens but most of the time does not seem to understand or get it. I have a very busy schedule with work and with furthering my education. A few months ago, I started noticing an attraction from someone at work who has made it quite clear that he is attracted to me. We have a good working relationship and I have not been looking for anything outside of my marriage. We have become friends through working together with nothing happening with the attraction but yet we both know it is there. The attraction has creeped up on me without realizing it and he is single. I have prayed about this situation and don’t want to be attracted to someone else other than my husband but I am strongly attracted to this person who is not my spouse which is totally outside of my character. I am struggling on how to deal with this situation. I appreciated the comment above to analyze your marriage since something must be missing in the marriage for an attraction to occur since this other person seems to bring something to my life that I don’t presently get from my spouse. I value the friendship since I feel heard and appreciated. I know my spouse loves me and would do anything for me but I don’t know which way to turn with this hazardous, toxic situation. I would appreciate any suggestions you may have. Would you suggest I speak to my pastor or church elders? I have tried to forget about the feelings I have and distract myself with other things, fleeing from the situation etc but it is not helping. I feel very torn and hurt and don’t want to do anything to jeopardize my marriage. Thank you for reading this.