The Blessings of Loneliness

Written by Sabrina Beasley

Loneliness had gripped me. In two years, five of my roommates were married, not to mention countless other friends, and I was tired of being left behind. At times I hurt so badly I would fall on my knees and beg God through tears to take my pain away. What I didn’t know then, was that God was using that pain to bring me to the sweetest love affair of my life, but it wasn’t by bringing me a man to fall in love with; it was by making me more like the Man who already loved me.

“Three times a bridesmaid, never a bride” rang in my ears. Although I was thrilled to stand beside some of the best women I have ever known, I still felt the fear of being left behind. I wondered what was wrong with me; I wondered what I could do to make myself more desirable; I wondered if I would be lonely forever.

Me, me, me…it was all I thought about. I tried to repair my inadequacies by reading Christian self-help books—how to prepare for marriage and motherhood and how to understand men. It was all really good information, but it didn’t fill my void of loneliness.

One night, I got down on my knees and cried out to God that he would take my pain away. I was so tired of being unwanted and without love. As I lay there, crumpled on the floor, He reminded me of 1 John 4:8 that says, “God is love.” I knew in my heart that if I wanted to experience true love, I needed to concentrate on my relationship with Him, not on a relationship of this world.

I turned my reading to the Scriptures, as I wanted to know the very heart of the Lord. As John 1:1 says, “…The Word was with God, and Word was God.” I started at Genesis and read my way through the entire Bible. In it, I found nothing but the love of God for His people and specifically for me. I knew I was imperfect, but I found in Psalms 139:13-16, that He created me, knew me, and loved me just as I was.

For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth; Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written The days that were ordained for me, When as yet there was not one of them.

It was that love that drew me closer to the heart of God. And the closer I got to Him, the more His light revealed the selfishness I was covered with. The Lord didn’t take my pain away, but He used it to refine my life, just as fire purifies gold (Malachi 3:3).

Loneliness became a reminder of the cross, the sacrifice of my own desires for those of the Lord. Jesus tells us in Matthew 16:24-25, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.”

It wasn’t until I embraced the cross and the death of myself that I finally realized that life wasn’t about my desires, but it was about showing the love of Christ to others. The pain I went through allowed me to identify with others’ pain and to counsel many women through feelings of loneliness, rejection, inadequacy, and the pain of broken relationships.

Loneliness became a tool that enabled me to have the time to make lunch appointments with other women who needed counsel, start Bible studies, memorize scripture, pray for long periods of time, and read, read, read. It was a luxury, not afforded to those in serious relationships or marriages.

As Paul says, “The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband” (1 Corinthians 7:34). I had been given a great gift, and it was given to me at the lowest point in my life.

So many Christians forget that God calls us to the low places. He calls us to be lowly (Psalm 138:6), to be humble (James 4:6), to be meek (Matthew 4:5 KJV). He even calls us to die (Romans 6:3-5). None of these come easily, and they often require pain. But we’ve been promised recognition, grace, inheritance, and everlasting life in return.

The popular Christian music group Caedmon’s Call sings a song called “Valleys Fill First” that points out that when the rain falls, the water flows to the lowest places, filling the valleys first. The blood of Christ was meant to flow to those who are hurting and struggling. Jesus said, “It is not those who are well who need a physician, but those who are sick” (Luke 5:31).

I was one who felt His healing touch in my life. Even though I was lonely, in an earthly sense, the void was more than filled, even overflowing, with satisfaction and a sense of belonging.

My time of hurting lasted about two years, and then God chose to release me. About the time my pain ended, and I was satisfied with my single status, God brought me the man that I would eventually marry.

I am happy where I am, and I’m grateful for the blessing of the man that God has provided—he truly is everything I had ever longed for. But there are days when I miss the blessing of loneliness. Those were days when I was forced to seek my intimacy in the Lord, and they were indeed sweet days.

I pray now for others who are in that place that they, too, would have a life-changing experience caused by the pain of loneliness. My advice to every lonely heart, single or not, is this: love the Lord, seek His face, read His word, and share His love with others. And you will experience the blessing of loneliness.

Taken from www.familylife.com. Copyright © 2004, used by permission.

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276 Responses to “The Blessings of Loneliness”

  • Aldo Aldo says:

    Claudia, yes, God can use loneliness to minister to us, but normally, it is not something that God wants for us. As Christians, we are all part of the Body of Christ, put there to minister to one another.

    Church is an excellent place to apply the gift(s) God has given to each of us, while exercising our responsibility as part of the Body. Loneliness is a ply of the devil, which keeps us from implementing that responsibility.

    Church is also an ideal place to meet new faces and new friends by which loneliness can be combatted.

    May the God of peace and comfort minister to you by His Holy Spirit at this time of your loss, in Jesus Name, amen.

  • Claudia says:

    For Sharon
    Thank you for your kind thoughts! I am sorry for your lost to :(
    I want to say that when u start loosing the only few you have left and u loose them forever .. Is that moment in life when u realise how precious is time together. Thant moment u know God send us here to live,love,work,smile,cry…. And much more together as humans not necessarily as couples but as friend or brothers or family ! We have to learn how ito appreciate people before anything else.
    And when I say people can be lonely by choice. I give myself as a example. I choose to think that I am lonely and I was .. Then I’ve seen it differently and differently it was :)

  • Sharon Sharon says:

    to Claudia– my sympathy to you and your mom on the death of your dad my dad died two years ago may God comfort you at this time good comment and good English. you are right its up to people to choose loneliness if people want they can also look for people to be with I am sure everyone has some people to have. God be with you at this time from sharon

  • Claudia says:

    Hi. A few years ago I told u guys In a comment that my life was out of normal I been left alone again and again and the faith in God is the only thing what keep me strong. Now forgetting about that I have to say I lost my dad last week and I have to be honest with u guys I am so happy that my mam was next to him and he wasn’t alone. I know God been there for everyone but is so good us as people to try and not be lonely and try and share out life with others with good and bad days or moments but is important to not stay lonely and not leave anyone lonely ! Now after years of hard time I Realise that God is pure Love and he don’t want us to be lonely he want us to be one for another. Is all about how we see it. I know for shore that God dose not want is to be lonely and I am 100% shore there is many lonely people on they’re one choice … Sorry my English still bad ( that romanian girl )

    Claudia

  • Mary Pinckney Mary Pinckney says:

    Esther,
    Thank you for commenting. Your response is a great one. It should lead us straight to the Father’s presence. He is the one that will never leave us nor forsake us. I pray that you will continue to seek Him.
    Blessings,
    Mary

  • Esther Emmanuel says:

    My loneliness has draws me closer to God.

  • Sharon Sharon says:

    good article and good comments on this thread love it

  • Melissa says:

    Thank you for this article. It was just what I needed right now. Truly a blessing! Praying for each person on here, who is hurting and lonely. May His peace that surpasses all understanding rest on you!

  • Jamie Jamie says:

    Hi Klingonwork, there have been some godly men and women who have pursued loneliness, but I agree that for most of us it is good to pursue love. This article is not suggesting that one pursue loneliness but those that find themselves alone a different points of their life have discovered things about God and themselves that they would not have experienced without a season of loneliness. So there is a blessing in that, even if it is not the path we would have chosen for ourselves.

  • Mich says:

    Thank you…. Mere words fail to express my gratitude.

  • jesse' says:

    You dong have the HOLY SPIRIT in u that’s the difference in ur life ..

  • Klingonwork says:

    Are you crazy? this is completely irresponsible and untrue..being lonely sux. There is NO blessing to loneliness except getting the remote to yourself. I am a very happy Christ follower, but this dribble is why Marx said religion is the opiate of the masses. Do what you have to but find someone, if you’ve been to the singles groups at church at least twice, you pretty much no whom you’re attracted to. Nothing there?…then move on. Maybe that cute girl at the market? What can she say…no? So what, move on to the next one you’re attracted to. Hey invite her (or him) to church…nothing to lose. But DO NOT think being lonely is a blessing..that is pure crap.

  • Alfred Alfred says:

    Hi nilakshi and tt, We will never fathom the wisdom and the depth of God, yet He knows us and He has ways of drawing us to himself. There was a time in my life when I had let go of God, and was very far down. I felt lonely, sad, disillusioned and even bitter at times. I prayed that He show me what was wrong, upon which God gave me a dream. I was on my way to hell!!! That shook me up! For 7 days, upon returning home from work, I knelt by my bed, wept and prayed that Jesus wash me clean. Then I felt refreshed and asked what to do next, upon which a friend invited me to a Full Gospel Business Men’s Meeting. There I received the baptism in the Holy Spirit. I had let go of God; but He restored me! It seems that the farther a person has fallen the higher God is able to lift him. Since then I have never been lonely! Yes, Nilakshi, the book of Revelation is one of my favorites also.

  • nilakshi niranjala says:

    hungry saints of God….dont miss out the book of revelation….for this book is specialized for us…read it…for it is totally the revelation of our Lord Jesus Christ…its the book that says ” all those who READ it and UNDERSTANDS it and OBEY it WILL BE BLESSED!!…its a blessing..if u dont understand,.your teacher is right next to u alive who is the spirit of God sent from the glorious throne of God !..

  • nilakshi niranjala says:

    Amen! Praise the lord!…
    God ‘s ways ain’t man’s ways…this word of the Sovereign God is going to change my life too..God does everything in world to bring u and me to His mysterious LOVE…

  • tt says:

    Hi, reading your article gave me more strength, Thank you ,I my self having the sane struggle but now that i see the relationship that i have with God this more time than my married friends and that is a blessing truly God is love..and i pray every pain we christian we have is that God is telling us through it to depend on him and to leave all our cares on him. Like God said seek ye frist the kingdom of God and his love.

  • Shelley Shelley says:

    Hi Carol, Kristina and Lisa. I pray that the Lord our God will heal you, because Jesus when upon the cross, was very lonely, as even His Father rejected Him for SIN, but Jesus still paid the price for ALL of us.

  • Carol says:

    This relates to me on so many levels
    thank you for the article!

  • Lisa says:

    Hello everyone. I know how loneliness can be a hard feeling to overcome, but I have learned that being too self-absorbed makes loneliness worse. What I mean by self-absorbed is focusing way too much on self instead of God and a relationship with Him. I know some people may have given up and believe that God is punishing them, but He would never do that. When I was lonely, I realized I spent too much time focusing on me, me, me. As soon as I started to build a relationship with God, things got better. Not overnight, but several months later. Visiting people in hospitals, nursing homes and homeless shelters is a great way to help those that are suffering just like you, but can also lead to you feeling more grateful for where you are in life and gives you an opportunity to help others.

    If any of you can, please try to connect with a local church and see what groups they have that you can be a part of. Finding a mentor in your area or life coach is a great way to have conversations about what life throws at us. Also, reading uplifting books and daily devotionals from ministers you enjoy listening to can help uplift your spirits on a daily basis. You can go to websites for Joel Osteen, TD Jakes, Joyce Meyer or whoever you enjoy and sign up for devotionals and newsletters that are free. I know that this may not mean much, but the more you focus on positive aspects of your life and read uplifting material, the better you will feel overtime.

  • kristina says:

    Well…I’m a 16 year old girl who’s been lonely pretty much my whole life. It started back in 2008 and its now 2014 I’m losing my faith and etc I’m just done living. Done being lonely I’m still that little girl asking God for a best friend, or someone to talk to… I haven’t had a friend. not a single one since 2008. i’m so tired and worn….. I tell myself friends are over rated anyway.

  • Shelley Shelley says:

    Dear Father God.

    Lord Iift up anyone who is going through loneliness in there lives, as it is a gift from God himself. I pray that You will lean on Him and he will give you his strength. In Jesus name Amen

  • shaim says:

    hi dear ..me suhel from india..no worry ….Allah give us peace when we go right way…you should choose satisfied way. we pray for you ….if Allah will be. your pain will destroy..

  • Sharon Sharon says:

    hi chris– i am sorry you are still hurting i am sure this probably doesn’t mean much to you but i am still praying for you i am glad that you are still around i was praying that you were still around i will keep praying for you as long as i have breath

  • Chris says:

    Jim, I can understand only too well your loneliness and anger. I am 56 and have been desperately lonely for almost 35 years. I have made many, many attempts to find a life partner, but have not succeeded. Even now I am still looking and hoping, though as time gets shorter I am starting to lose hope. Having no family at all and health problems makes me feel even more alone inside. I wish that my period of hurting had only lasted for two years, like that of the article writer, and not 35 years. Jim, you have my sympathy and my understanding.

  • Bodjie says:

    I have a separation anxiety. Maybe it develops when I was still a kid wherein our mother leave us in the province to work in the city. I have been very friendly as I found that through them, I can at least ease the loneliness I felt with their company. However, when I began working where you cannot really keep your friends if they wanted to have a better opportunity, it really breaks me into pieces and I am really getting a hard time recovering. I would really miss chatting with them, eating together, staying in the office for long hours to beat the deadline and sharing same sentiments over work. This is the 3rd time that’s happening to me right now, I have been very open to my officemate and I found him very sensible and thoughtful friend. Eversince, I developed a wall to myself and distant to any person in work and treat them professionally, but sometimes you really need a friend whom you can share your sentiments and whose there willing to listen to you. Franco and I have been friends in less than a year and as much as I wanted to establish deeper friendship with him I know it would be impossible as we wouldn’t see each other more often. He will be leaving me soon, to be with other company as he has been drained on the politics we have in the office. It pains me to see him leave, but what can I do. It is for his better life and I don’t want him to be with this company and eventually lost his sanity. I would really miss him and I really regarded him as my true friend. I bring this up to God so he can always guide Franco and let him know that I will forever cherish the friendship that we had.

  • Jim Melear says:

    Biggest crock of crap I ever read . God wants you to hurt and be miserable just like me. I am 60 and have never had anyone give a [expletive removed] whether I live or die. Spent years reading the bible and praying and now my [expletive removed] life is over what kind of love is that?

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