The Blessings of Loneliness

Written by Sabrina Beasley

Loneliness had gripped me. In two years, five of my roommates were married, not to mention countless other friends, and I was tired of being left behind. At times I hurt so badly I would fall on my knees and beg God through tears to take my pain away. What I didn’t know then, was that God was using that pain to bring me to the sweetest love affair of my life, but it wasn’t by bringing me a man to fall in love with; it was by making me more like the Man who already loved me.

“Three times a bridesmaid, never a bride” rang in my ears. Although I was thrilled to stand beside some of the best women I have ever known, I still felt the fear of being left behind. I wondered what was wrong with me; I wondered what I could do to make myself more desirable; I wondered if I would be lonely forever.

Me, me, me…it was all I thought about. I tried to repair my inadequacies by reading Christian self-help books—how to prepare for marriage and motherhood and how to understand men. It was all really good information, but it didn’t fill my void of loneliness.

One night, I got down on my knees and cried out to God that he would take my pain away. I was so tired of being unwanted and without love. As I lay there, crumpled on the floor, He reminded me of 1 John 4:8 that says, “God is love.” I knew in my heart that if I wanted to experience true love, I needed to concentrate on my relationship with Him, not on a relationship of this world.

I turned my reading to the Scriptures, as I wanted to know the very heart of the Lord. As John 1:1 says, “…The Word was with God, and Word was God.” I started at Genesis and read my way through the entire Bible. In it, I found nothing but the love of God for His people and specifically for me. I knew I was imperfect, but I found in Psalms 139:13-16, that He created me, knew me, and loved me just as I was.

For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth; Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written The days that were ordained for me, When as yet there was not one of them.

It was that love that drew me closer to the heart of God. And the closer I got to Him, the more His light revealed the selfishness I was covered with. The Lord didn’t take my pain away, but He used it to refine my life, just as fire purifies gold (Malachi 3:3).

Loneliness became a reminder of the cross, the sacrifice of my own desires for those of the Lord. Jesus tells us in Matthew 16:24-25, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.”

It wasn’t until I embraced the cross and the death of myself that I finally realized that life wasn’t about my desires, but it was about showing the love of Christ to others. The pain I went through allowed me to identify with others’ pain and to counsel many women through feelings of loneliness, rejection, inadequacy, and the pain of broken relationships.

Loneliness became a tool that enabled me to have the time to make lunch appointments with other women who needed counsel, start Bible studies, memorize scripture, pray for long periods of time, and read, read, read. It was a luxury, not afforded to those in serious relationships or marriages.

As Paul says, “The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband” (1 Corinthians 7:34). I had been given a great gift, and it was given to me at the lowest point in my life.

So many Christians forget that God calls us to the low places. He calls us to be lowly (Psalm 138:6), to be humble (James 4:6), to be meek (Matthew 4:5 KJV). He even calls us to die (Romans 6:3-5). None of these come easily, and they often require pain. But we’ve been promised recognition, grace, inheritance, and everlasting life in return.

The popular Christian music group Caedmon’s Call sings a song called “Valleys Fill First” that points out that when the rain falls, the water flows to the lowest places, filling the valleys first. The blood of Christ was meant to flow to those who are hurting and struggling. Jesus said, “It is not those who are well who need a physician, but those who are sick” (Luke 5:31).

I was one who felt His healing touch in my life. Even though I was lonely, in an earthly sense, the void was more than filled, even overflowing, with satisfaction and a sense of belonging.

My time of hurting lasted about two years, and then God chose to release me. About the time my pain ended, and I was satisfied with my single status, God brought me the man that I would eventually marry.

I am happy where I am, and I’m grateful for the blessing of the man that God has provided—he truly is everything I had ever longed for. But there are days when I miss the blessing of loneliness. Those were days when I was forced to seek my intimacy in the Lord, and they were indeed sweet days.

I pray now for others who are in that place that they, too, would have a life-changing experience caused by the pain of loneliness. My advice to every lonely heart, single or not, is this: love the Lord, seek His face, read His word, and share His love with others. And you will experience the blessing of loneliness.

It’s Not Too Late to Live a Life of Significance.

Taken from www.familylife.com. Copyright © 2004, used by permission.

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370 Responses to “The Blessings of Loneliness”

  • Susan says:

    Tom,

    Very true.

  • Tom Tom says:

    True–
    Please re-read the article. It gives several reasons for loneliness being a blessing. God can use even our most trying times to bless us and to bring glory to himself. As the article describes, it’s all about who and what we’re focusing on.

  • True says:

    Why on earth would it ever be a Blessing?

  • Susan says:

    Mike,

    Please I would encourage you to log onto, knowingjesuspersonally.com

  • Susan says:

    Vito,

    How are you? Hope, you are feeling better now? Please write to us and let us know. We are here to help you. Know that you are special to God. Deuteronomy 26: 18, 19… And the LORD has declared this day that you are his people, his treasured possession as he promised, and that you are to keep all his commands. 19 He has declared that he will set you in praise, fame and honor high above all the nations he has made and that you will be a people holy to the LORD your God, as he promised.

  • Chris says:

    penelope…so sorry to hear of your struggles. whatever has happened in your past, doesnt mean that that is going to continue. God has promised to give us people for our lives. isaiah 43.4. as far as your mate, you are still quite Young and in no wise even close to passing your prime as they say, but obviously from your past experiences you may have a tendency to get a Little anxious about this. as you progress through your studies i believe jesus has someone for you while you continue doing his will. romans 2.7. be open to visiting other churches. thats a good way of meeting new people and not being tied down to just one church atmosphere. its not church hopping but rather simply getting know our other brothers and sisters in other places too. 1 corinthians 1.2. you can also meet people on line at…christianchat.com, christianconnection.com and christianmingle.com. blessings coming your way, i know it!!

  • Penelope says:

    I will never stop believing in Jesus, I owe him a debt I can never repay, and love him for the patience and mercy He has bestowed upon me. I understand that God works in mysterious ways, but I can’t get passed the knowledge that He created me and put me in this dark world. Through this dark world we are expected to love him and have faith in him, which is his and our way of showing our love toward one another, and why I think, we are allowed to go to Heaven. I understand why this world is bleak—no on on here needs to remind me. I just don’t understand why God has left me here, and made me to live an entire life of loneliness. I was neglected by my parents as a child, and was mistreated by my sister. My grandmother and aunt were always kind to me, but I only saw them on occasion never fully receiving the love I needed. I was bullied mercilessly in high school and middle school and even my church family–while they love me– does not have the time that I need to fill this chasm. I want to love someone I think more than I want to be loved. I am an ISFJ which means that I need to be needed, but no one ever stays in my life. I hate to sound all me, me, me, but this is what this post is about. I am exhausted with being alone, my heart is rending, and I think that I will be alone forever. I have no hope in my life. Please, please do not give me cliches. I don’t want to hear that God has a purpose for twenty-one years of loneliness. Twenty-one years is enough to teach anybody anything. I honestly can’t understand why I have trouble finding a guy because (and I’m not being conceded these are facts earned through self-betterment and blessings from Jesus) I’m a successful college student, and author, very witty, and able to light up any room I go into with a really vibrant personality. I also have a reputation for generosity and compassion, yet no one can see passed my glasses and plainly pretty appearance. I stand out in so many factors, but in the one that counts in this world–beauty–I don’t add up.People are surprised to find that I live such a lonely life because all they see is this vibrant person. I am tired of feeling like a performing animal. I don’t want to be a trained seal. I want someone to know the real me, but when I let people in (in that I want to pursue friendship/relationship on a deeper level) they tend to become bored rather quickly and I have to continue the charade. I don’t know anyone who has lived such a lonely life, devoid of any real love familiar, friendship or relationship wise.

  • Chris says:

    vito…sorry you feel lonely. God undestands of course and that is why he has established families, both spiritual and earthly. by being a part of Gods spiritual family, the Christian church, you can be also looking then for God to be provding you with your earthly family. sometimes people forget that principle and try to put their families first before Gods but the book of haggai in the old testament helps us to understand the error of that way of thinking. for more information on knowing jesus guidance and direction in your life, log onto knowingjesuspersonally.com or click talk to a mentor above for more personalized attention. if you need help finding a true Christian church, just let me know. blessings to you today!

  • Vito says:

    Sabrina,
    Thank you from the bottom of my heart for writing this article. Currently I am going through a low point in my life. I am feeling very lonely day in and day out. People around me are constantly finding other people and going off to start their own lives and families. I find myself everyday not having anyone to turn to, not having anyone to be with, and just being alone. I am not asking myself why, but instead I try to find a way around it, but can’t. As the days go by, I come to realize more and more that while it is so painful, it is a gift from God. I haven’t known how to use it, or what to do with it because it is so painful. However, your article has certainly helped lift some of the burden that it holds on me. Perhaps this is the first step towards walking through the door to something greater! I am so happy that He has brought you a wonderful life with someone wonderful. I can only pray that He does the same for me one day.
    God Bless.

  • Elkay Elkay says:

    Mike, it is wrong to view prayer as a way to get God to do what I want Him to do or arrange and if this does not happen, then quit. Listen to Jesus’ words, “Not what I will but what You Father will” so the objective is to focus on doing God’s will not on getting what I want. And God’s will for us is plain: we are to love God and love neighbor. We love God by living in obedience to His commands, by hearing Jesus’ words and doing them (Matt 7:24). We love our neighbors by sacrificially helping them meet their needs (John 15:13). There is a strong implication at John 14:23-24 that when we focus on these activities and not on ourselves and what we want, our relationship with God will be greatly improved and our prayers will be more effective and fervent (James 5:16).

    2 Timothy 1:8-9 says “He has saved us . . . in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time,” This implies that for God everything that ever happens is “now”, an eternal now, in which God sees everything in the history of the universe happening at the same time. If this is correct and I think it is, this means that the creation of the world and our prayers at this very moment are all happening at the same moment, right now! This would then mean that God has each of our prayers right before Him and, based on the Scripture’s teaching that prayer changes things, factors our prayers into what He does. Our prayers are answered from the ground of all creation. Our prayers are heard, not only before we make them, but before we are made ourselves.

    We may not know why God waits to answer a specific prayer or why He feels distant for a time, but we do know that He is watching over us. We are incredibly important to God our Father. In joy or in sorrow, we can cry out to our Father in heaven and He will hear us.

    Abba Father, You are loving and compassionate. You are a defender of the weak, and a father to the fatherless. I cry out to you, ‘Daddy, I love you. I need You to help me’ and you hear my plea. Thank You for delighting in me, Your child. Thank You that though I am small like a sparrow, You watch over my every step and You care about the details of my life. Help me to trust You, even in the moments You feel distant, and I can’t understand Your ways. Amen.

  • Susan says:

    Mike,

    it’s time for you to know the truth. Time is short, God gives opportunities, don’t delay. Surrender to Jesus Christ. Commit your life to Him and start a new life. So that later you will not regret.

    Mike, I would encourage you to log onto, knowingjesuspersonally.com

  • janet says:

    to mike

    convinced yourself with your own beliefs.you are crashed and hopeless to yourself and to others.why would you blame the creator even you cant explain where you really came from??? world has a lot of mysterious things that science cant explain.and thats it.if you dont believe and wont accept help den go on ur way dont harass the name of the almighty one.show some respect.

  • Tom Tom says:

    Mike—
    I have a number of questions I’d like to ask you, but let me ask you this one first: You state that “enlightenment is through Science and Evolution.” Does your inclusion of evolution in that statement mean you do not believe God exists but that all things simply evolved over time?

  • Mike says:

    The true path to perfection and enlightenment is through Science and Evolution.
    Man has the answers….Not all of them-
    But, we’ll eventually get there.
    I’m sorry, but it is the truth. I can sit here and honestly team you, that in 40 years of praying and servitude to my supposed creator-
    NOT ONE SINGLE PRAYER HAS EVER BEEN ANSWERED.
    NOT ONE…zero..zip..nada…that’s a pretty horrible track record…I used to feel cheated, angry and estranged. This year, I’m done. I’m letting go. I am going to fix things…I will right the wrongs.
    Loneliness is a disease…A disease that kills you slowly over time.
    You don’t fight diseases with God…You fight them with vaccines. You fight them with Science. Let’s take God out of the Equation.
    -Mike

  • Tom Tom says:

    Mike–
    At the risk of sounding offensive to you, allow me to speak to you about this issue. What I write is out of love, kindness, and concern . . .

    First let me say that I’m sorry to hear that you have struggled so much over the years, both with the physical aspects of your life and the spiritual. Basically that somes up all of our existences–physical and spiritual. Originally God made man and woman with a perfect, eternal physical body and an eternal spirit. But because of man’s disobedience to God, disease, decay, and death entered the world resulting in many people suffering physically and all eventually dying. Those who die separated from God because of their sin will leave their old, broken body behind, but find their spirit separated from God forever.

    My friend, I am in no way discounting your personal physical problems. Hey, I remember having acne as a teen and hating every minute of it. I can only imagine having to live with the scars for years afterward. Disfigurement of any kind is in itself a terrible thing. Some people seem to be able to cope better than others. Some people, those who don’t see any hope at all and see nothing to live for, commit suicide. Some people simply decide to do the best they can with whatever they have, but ultimately don’t really have any hope either. Maybe they eek out a little happiness of some kind, but it’s only as lasting as the length of their life, then they must face a bleak eternity.

    Then there are those who believe in something beyond their own physical self and live with the knowledge that while none of us gets out of this life alive, this tiny speck of life is nothing compared to all eternity. Therefore they live with their eyes on what comes next rather than the circumstances under which they live.

    There are many, many examples of physically broken people whose lives have been totally fulfilling and worthwhile because they have decided to place their trust in God rather than themselves. It’s not because of their own efforts but because of what a loving God has done in them.

    Unfortunately, many people see God as nothing more than a genie in a bottle or a heavenly grandfather; someone to run to in times of trouble or sorrow, but someone who can be ignored the rest of the time. Somehow they think that God owes them something, when in fact He owes all of us disobedient, sinful people nothing at all. He shows His mercy towards us in not giving us what we really deserve–to be wiped off the face of the planet immediately–and giving us grace which is His free outpouring of love and care, enough so that he gave His Son Jesus Christ to die in our place if we will only turn from our sins and trust in Him.

    You write that you’re going to see a surgeon for your facial scars. Fantastic! Nothing wrong with that whatsoever. That’s one reason God has given man the ability to study the body, how it works, and how it might be fixed. Too much teaching in the church today says that if we only have enough faith, God will grant our every wish; we’ll be happy, healthy, wealthy, and wise. Yes, sometimes God miraculously heals someone; but more often, He teaches people how to use their infirmities for His glory and our good. Over and over again we hear of those like Joni Eareckson Tada who broke her neck at 17-years of age and has been a quadriplegic for more than 40 years, but who has, as a Christian, made an incredible impact on the lives of millions around the world, and who says that she wouldn’t trade all the years of pain and brokenness of body for the years of serving the Lord.

    I close by offering an apology for those who would simply tell you to blindly keep praying for God to “fix” everything and make it better. It’s easy to quote Romans 8:28 (God works everything for the good of those who love him) and expect all the years of hurt and pain to go away. But I will tell you this: I started walking with God 16 years ago after decades of trying to work it all out by myself. I had lots of goodies by the world’s standards, but at the end of each day I had no real hope or peace about eternity. God has blessed me with very few aches and pains–so far–but regardless of what tomorrow may bring, my resolve is to keep my focus on Him and the fact that one day soon, what’s left of this old wreck of a body will return to the dust of the earth and I will spend all eternity with a brand new body in the presence of Almighty God.

    So I encourage you to get those physical scars removed, lose those unwanted pounds, and get into shape. But PLEASE don’t neglect your eternal spiritual side. The Lord Jesus can remove all of your spiritual scars and make you healthy and fit spiritually to serve Him until the inevitable day you meet Him face to face.

  • aloha says:

    with this site..CONFUSION HIT ME..and it sadden me.i am now starting questioning what will happen to me..i am 27 yrs old..will i wait for long yrs for that mate?pray and pray and pray? but why others prayers not granted? so will it happen to me also? is their any secret in praying? or what

  • Sharon says:

    to mike– I am sooooo sorry you don’t believe in God or the devil but I am glad you are getting treatment for your acne and eating better and working out again I do pray that you can get a mate that way. there is a mate out there for you I am praying for this year that you can receive a miracle that a mate will come along your path for you to love I know you don’t believe in prayers but I am still praying for you I know you don’t think my prayers will do any good but I can try can I— Sharon

  • Mike says:

    Anuli…

    Do you even read my posts?
    It’s nature…there’s no God…there’s no devil…there’s no little sprits, angels or demons…we are born…we live..we die…and we become worm food..that’s it..
    There’s no God’s time…Unless you count the 2000 plus years, we’ve been “patiently” waiting for him to return…LMAO
    It’s all chemicals and nature.
    And, I know this is going to sound harsh…but some of us don’t have “mates” because we’ve been selected “out” of the gene pool.
    Again, Nature…

  • anuli says:

    Mike, you speak some truth when you say you have to take actions tp change things… there is the temptation to overspiritualise everything and forget that we are both physical&spiritual beings, not just spiritual and so we do need to
    use our brains and be active in this world and take responsibility for our actions & not be afraid to make changes ourselves tgat are necessary to help us life a fuller life. However, we can only change things within our control to change & that is not everythong!

    The serenity prayer sums it up: ‘Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things i can, & the wisdom to know the difference’… so i think its great ur going out and getting exercise – i think we are called as Christians to look after our physical bodies which are the ‘temple of the Holy Spirit’.

    Where I think the problem lies is when our pursuit for a spose becomes obsessional & we neglect other areas of our livrs where God wishes us to attend to e.g. ignoring those who need our help, family, the poor etc… When we become so engrossed in our search for a spouse that we are incapable of experiencing joy from the other gifys that God gives us e.g
    friendship, laughter with friends, food, shelter, a church community, talents we have that we can share etc…

    One of the fruits of the Spirit is patience… theres a great saying i think – ‘work as though it depended on you, pray as though it depended on God’… my advice to u is to keep doing what you can to look after your physical self, it will have beneficial effects on your mind etc… but do not neglect God and your spiritual needs. Be patient and learn to trust that God’s time is the best time. He isnt a fantasy or idea. You know that deep down I think. Just think back to the moments in your life where you thanked him for a ‘God-incident’ or a prayer answered in a way you hoped for. Reflect on psalms e.g
    139 & trust that He knows you through & through and your nerds. Matthew 6:24-34 is another great passage to reflevt on.

    Remember Jesus was fully man and fully God – divine incarnate. Our human body has been raised to gloru & we should take care of it and use it for good. Marriage between a man & woman is good and i hope you find a good spouse if tgat is your vocation. But dont dismiss God who can in His miraculous & all powerful ways, bring that special person into your life in the way you least expect it.

    In some way the fact you are now making positive changes in your life is an answer to prayer in itself, buti hope you can come to trust God’s goodness more & allow Him to be first in your life, guiding your steps & keeping you on His perfect but narrow path, like the Bright Star guided the 3 Kings along their way to Jesus.

    Do keep us all updated. By the way i know a few ppl who met their spouses on online dating sites. Repent & believe. Never give up on whats most important in this life – Love of God & zlove of neighbour :-)

  • Mike says:

    Here we go again…trying to reason with sspirituality…rather than think LOGICALLY, about how to come up with practical REAL WORLD solutions…
    Ask yourself…and be truthfull, with yourself-
    Why is it, am I truly alone?
    Is it body Image issues?
    Overweight? Disfigurement?
    Is it physical impairment?
    Amputee? Disabled? Sensory Impairment?
    Is it psycho/social-
    Self-esteem issues? Chemical Dependency? Depression? Bi-polar? Phobias?
    Once you truly identify your problem, you can take rational STEPS to fix things…

    For example-
    The real reason I am lonely is because I have low self esteem and poor confidence, when approaching women…AND the UNDERLYING reason I feel this way is because I have really bad acne scarring on my face from cystic acne during my adolescence…Now, if you stop and think about all the years, I’ve prayed and prayed about my loneliness, rather then take an ACTIVE approach to fix the problem- It’s A LOT OF WASTED YEARS!
    so Jan 1,2015….rather than cry and complain to “God” and waiting for someone to come along or things to change…I am going to FIX MYSELF…I have scheduled an appointment with a dermatologist for acne scarring treatment.
    I’m also working out again, and eating better.
    Everyone is capable of improving themselves…Fix yourself…first..then you will attract a mate..
    The real truth is this-
    The real power lies within ourselves as human beings to fix things…not some fairy tale being that lives in the sky…

    -Mike

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