The Blessings of Loneliness
Loneliness had gripped me. In two years, five of my roommates were married, not to mention countless other friends, and I was tired of being left behind. At times I hurt so badly I would fall on my knees and beg God through tears to take my pain away. What I didn’t know then, was that God was using that pain to bring me to the sweetest love affair of my life, but it wasn’t by bringing me a man to fall in love with; it was by making me more like the Man who already loved me.
“Three times a bridesmaid, never a bride” rang in my ears. Although I was thrilled to stand beside some of the best women I have ever known, I still felt the fear of being left behind. I wondered what was wrong with me; I wondered what I could do to make myself more desirable; I wondered if I would be lonely forever.
Me, me, me…it was all I thought about. I tried to repair my inadequacies by reading Christian self-help books—how to prepare for marriage and motherhood and how to understand men. It was all really good information, but it didn’t fill my void of loneliness.
One night, I got down on my knees and cried out to God that he would take my pain away. I was so tired of being unwanted and without love. As I lay there, crumpled on the floor, He reminded me of 1 John 4:8 that says, “God is love.” I knew in my heart that if I wanted to experience true love, I needed to concentrate on my relationship with Him, not on a relationship of this world.
I turned my reading to the Scriptures, as I wanted to know the very heart of the Lord. As John 1:1 says, “…The Word was with God, and Word was God.” I started at Genesis and read my way through the entire Bible. In it, I found nothing but the love of God for His people and specifically for me. I knew I was imperfect, but I found in Psalms 139:13-16, that He created me, knew me, and loved me just as I was.
For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth; Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written The days that were ordained for me, When as yet there was not one of them.
It was that love that drew me closer to the heart of God. And the closer I got to Him, the more His light revealed the selfishness I was covered with. The Lord didn’t take my pain away, but He used it to refine my life, just as fire purifies gold (Malachi 3:3).
Loneliness became a reminder of the cross, the sacrifice of my own desires for those of the Lord. Jesus tells us in Matthew 16:24-25, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.”
It wasn’t until I embraced the cross and the death of myself that I finally realized that life wasn’t about my desires, but it was about showing the love of Christ to others. The pain I went through allowed me to identify with others’ pain and to counsel many women through feelings of loneliness, rejection, inadequacy, and the pain of broken relationships.
Loneliness became a tool that enabled me to have the time to make lunch appointments with other women who needed counsel, start Bible studies, memorize scripture, pray for long periods of time, and read, read, read. It was a luxury, not afforded to those in serious relationships or marriages.
As Paul says, “The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband” (1 Corinthians 7:34). I had been given a great gift, and it was given to me at the lowest point in my life.
So many Christians forget that God calls us to the low places. He calls us to be lowly (Psalm 138:6), to be humble (James 4:6), to be meek (Matthew 4:5 KJV). He even calls us to die (Romans 6:3-5). None of these come easily, and they often require pain. But we’ve been promised recognition, grace, inheritance, and everlasting life in return.
The popular Christian music group Caedmon’s Call sings a song called “Valleys Fill First” that points out that when the rain falls, the water flows to the lowest places, filling the valleys first. The blood of Christ was meant to flow to those who are hurting and struggling. Jesus said, “It is not those who are well who need a physician, but those who are sick” (Luke 5:31).
I was one who felt His healing touch in my life. Even though I was lonely, in an earthly sense, the void was more than filled, even overflowing, with satisfaction and a sense of belonging.
My time of hurting lasted about two years, and then God chose to release me. About the time my pain ended, and I was satisfied with my single status, God brought me the man that I would eventually marry.
I am happy where I am, and I’m grateful for the blessing of the man that God has provided—he truly is everything I had ever longed for. But there are days when I miss the blessing of loneliness. Those were days when I was forced to seek my intimacy in the Lord, and they were indeed sweet days.
I pray now for others who are in that place that they, too, would have a life-changing experience caused by the pain of loneliness. My advice to every lonely heart, single or not, is this: love the Lord, seek His face, read His word, and share His love with others. And you will experience the blessing of loneliness.
Taken from www.familylife.com. Copyright © 2004, used by permission.
Hie Angel,
I say Amen to that, we serve a Good faithful God. You will get through nothing is impossible when you involved God.
Great article! Lonliness has overwhelmed me for the several months. Sometimes, it comes in like a tidal wave and I start to (ugly) cry and ask God to take away the pain. Afterwards, I feel emotionally drained. I am saved and love the Lord with all my heart. However, reading this article is very encouraging. I continue to ask God to give me strength as he takes me through this season in my life. Thank you!
Cece you are very wise for your age! and you said it so well, that each of us, whether single or marriage in fact, need to stay focused and see how many doors God is opening in our lives.
Dan, I have to agree with Cece that at 26 you still very young. Don’t give up on God…He hasn’t given up on you. If you would like a mentor to pray with you just fill in the form on this page and someone will be in touch with you http://powertochange.com/discover/talk-to-a-mentor/
Dear Dan,
I will keep you in my prayers, Please don’t lose hope Keep the faith Trust God for all you need, Am 32 and not giving up that there is someone out there for me. and At 26 you have so much to focus on career develpment etc, before you know you will meet someone. All the best and God Bless.
I have learnt one thing, Marriage is a Gift from God, the same way he gives life as a gift is the same way marriage is given to us, in that way we will enjoy it to the fullness. There are so many miserable marraiges out there becuase we force ourselves into some of these relationships. Look out for a partner that has some of the characteristics of Jesus Christ,Single men and Women like me Keep faith living in faith will empower us to reach our fullest potetial and even do the impossible. By faith we know that God is love and he loves us….Stay focused and see how many doors God is opening in your life. He’s a good God I love him everyday Ameen.
I enjoyed reading this article. Very insightful. Even though Im a young 26 yr old single male, I get very lonely from looking at other happy couples in church. I’ve gotten so bothered by it that I’ve stopped going to church altogether. I’ve never even had a girlfriend before. Please pray for me. Thank you.
God does so many amazing things but sometimes the waiting can be so hard. Ms Williams I was just touched last night by the story of a newly married woman, who was in her late 40′s when God brought a widower into her life. She had never been married before and now has a family….sons and even a new grandson. As she said, God is sooooo good! It was worth the wait and so much more!
I thank God for 2012 because I believe this is a New Year with real changes. No more lonliness, open up your heart and receive the divine love from our Lord Jesus Christ. He is opening up all those closed doors and no more delays. May the light of God shine in your lives in the year 2012. He is the Vine and when we stay in Him, He will give us all we ask for.
Cece.
Thank You God for 2012.
good article Iam still lonely but I love JESUS 49 years old no husband or children I just JESUS to touch my heart
dear cece– oh you welcome and happy new year too God’s blessings
Dear Sharon,
I thank you so much for your prayers and encouragement, I recieve them in Jesus name. May God continue Blessing you and meet all your needs in Jesus name. God Bless and Enjoy your New Year.
Cece.
dear cece– prayer–father God i pray for cece for a companion to go her way so she can have a love of her life and not be lonely a person of your chosing God, i pray all of this in JESUS name amen, i am praying for you. love sharon
You are most welcome cece….and I totally agree with you that it is best to wait on His timing rather than rushing into something for relationship’s sake. I have seen too many women do that in the past and it never works out good. I hope you had a wonderful Christmas.
Hi Doris,
Thank you so much for your encouragement and I must confess in as much as i may complain about been lonely, I always find the comfort in the almighty God. I think Gods time is the best I mean you dont want to be in an abusive marriage just because you want to rush and do it in your time. I will wait upon him, I belive he is always faithful. and when I meet my love of life I will testify on this same site. I will get to the online mentor. Thanks and Merry Xmas.
I am so glad that you found our website and this specific article J. Patrice and cece. Being single when you want to be married is definitely a difficult situation to be in, especially when your friends are all getting married and having children. it is at that time that you need to press into the heart of God just as you have been doing J. Patrice…as you said, spending time with Him is the best thing you can do. A dear friend of mine was single for many years until she married a wonderful man just one year ago. As she said, it was definitely worth waiting for her life partner…even if it meant being single until she was in her 50′s!
If either of you ladies would like to have an online mentor that would walk alongside of you just fill out the form on this page and one of our mentors will email you. http://powertochange.com/discover/talk-to-a-mentor/
Loneliness hasn’t just been a momemnt for me. just yesterday was celebrating another friends wedding. Men dont even look at me when I walk in a mall or go out anywhere,it has become worse now that I have given my life to God (bornagain), I have never even been on date for 2 years. what is wrong with me God? What have I done wrong? PLease forgive me and give me my life partner. Been 31yrs and single is just not working for me, am so lonely… please Lord.
Thank you for your wonderful article. It’s the holiday season and it’s always been tough for me. I am now 30, single with no children. I have been dealing with loneliness for many years and became desperate with the need for a companion. I found myself in a difficult relationship with someone who cheated, lied and abused drugs and alcohol. I felt very guilty for wanting a relationship and had begun to feel even more lonely during the relationship. Last night, I prayed until I fell asleep asking the Lord for relief from these feelings. I am happy for my friends and loved ones getting married and starting families only to feel terrible for feeling jealous. Spending time with Him has been the best activity for me.
Finding your article has been very helpful. It makes me realize that there are others who feel the same.
Anna, God knows your heart, and that is what matters most to Him. Relationship issues are the most difficult to handle, and God knows that. He know our need for love, acceptance and belonging, and how easily that can overshadow values, believes and even what we know to be right. Jesus she His blood so that you can have life and life more abundant, He shed His blood because you are precious, and He loves you unconditionally.
“heavenly Father, I pray for Anna, your daughter, that you would open her eyes to see and experience your love above all. I thank you that she has been forgiven through the blood of Christ, and that there is no condemnation, for those who are in Christ Jesus. I pray that you would heal her heart, mend her spirit, make her whole again, to experience the fulness of life that you have prepared for her. I pray that You would lead and guide her with Your hands, with your wisdom, so she can make the right decision, and have peace, love and happiness in her life. Protect Anna from the fire darts of the enemy, that would steal her joy… thank You Lord that your love is sufficient. In Jesus Christ Name, Amen
Anna, you are worthy of only the best, Christ gave His life, so you can have abundant life. Your loneliness may only be for a moment, don’t settle for the very best that God wants for you, His perfect will for you.
Wow. I really believe that finding this site was meant to be. Like most of us on here I am still healing from a recent break up. I always find myself left alone. The man I was living with kept coming in and out of my life. Everytime he did this I just forgave him as I thought that was gods way. God forgives us all the time no matter what we do. So here I am again alone thinking if I have the strength to let this relationship with my ex go or just forgive him. I Please God I pray for strength. Let it be your will not mine. My will never succeeds. Pray for me please. Blessings to all on here that are feeling lonely. May God be with you at this time. Amen.
Hi Lisa,
I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through a time of such loneliness. It must be difficult to be feeling that much pain as a result of being lonely. Here is an article about how much God loves us. I hope you find it encouraging as it talks about God’s unfailing love and the fact that we are never truly alone. I would also recommend signing up for an online mentor. Our mentors are always available to listen and talk with you over email in a way that’s open and non-judgemental.
I would also like to pray for you.
Lord God, I pray for Lisa as she is experiencing such loneliness. I pray that you would encourage her with your love. Lord, feeling like you have no one to turn to can be very difficult and I pray that you would give Lisa the strength to turn to you. I pray also that you would bring her a group of people who will support her and make her feel included and loved. Lord, would you grant Lisa peace to know you are there for her and I pray that you would wash away her pain and be a great comfort to her. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
I am suffering from lonliness I know God will work it out but my flesh cries out in pain i know that may be I’m not ready. But the pain is great I Will fast and pray i want this pain to go away
His happens not only to women! I was often lonely in high school, and found myself reading the Bible more than most. God knew what His plans were for me. In Isaiah 55:9 we read “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. “
Let me tell you how God turned me around: After growing up in a Christian home and being baptized as a teenager, I drifted for 30 years. I had a vague feeling that all was not well, but did not realize how far I’d fallen. With considerable difficulty I did hold onto a job, but was not getting ahead. I had lost rapport with my family (wife and 3 children), felt lonely and even bitter at times. I even looked at horoscopes, but found that evil spirits were starting to cater to me. I was horrified. I prayed that God show me how to straiten out my life. Then God gave me a dream in which I was on my way to hell, and I knew why. That shook me up! For the next 7 days, upon returning home from work, I knelt by my bed and wept bitterly for Jesus to wash me clean. Then I felt refreshed. I asked God what the next step would be, upon which a friend invited me to a Full Gospel Business Men’s meeting. There I received the Baptism in the Holy Spirit. What a thrill. I have never been the same since! I’d let go of God, but in His mercy, He had not let go of me. In His love, He drew me closer to Himself than I’d ever been before. My wife and I were led to participate in a Bible study for couples, which helped us to again find one-another.
This is excatly where I am at. I have spent the last few years watching my friends and siblings all get married. I fell in love with an unavailable man I could never have and with much suffering and prayer I am very much alone. I have found myself growing jealous and bitter of everyone that is happy around me. I don’t want to be this person. I don’t want to feel left behind or lonely anymore…this post was exactly what I needed to see. Thank you for discussing a subject that seems to hit Christian woman of this age.
today, i was lonely. lonelier than ever. i have been for a long time..especially this whole summer. but today god was with me. i know he always is however, today i was driving around going home i thought, “where do i go? who can i spend time with? i dont have any friends or a husband to spend time with and it hurt me so much. just when i was about to burst into tears and lose myself in complete loneliness, he sent me company. right in my path..there he blessed me. and all i am thinking about now is “it was then when i carried you” from footprints. thank you god for always being there for me. thank you for looking down on me and giving me that opportunity to spend time with the love of my life. god is so wonderful.
I love my marriage and I am so grateful for my husband, but I am also so very thankful for my quiet times in the morning with the Lord. If Jesus were not my First Love, I know my marriage with my earthly husband would suffer greatly! God bless all of you for writing in!
Thank you so much for sharing this word with us online. I am going through the same thing single 31 no children and all my friends are either married courting or have children. I am born again and pray , fast, for God to give me that man I deserve a man who fears God, I have been so lonely praying to God to give a man but I thank you so much for what you have shared you have lifted up my spirit in this regard. I will keep trusting him I will hold on. Thank once again and God Bless You
Thank you for sharing your story, it really helps me to realise that it is a blessing in my life that being alone draws me closer to Jesus and knowing HIM more. It has changed my life each day by spending my time knowing HIM and lesser time to other unimportant things in my life.
Your story is something to remember that I am not the one who experience “being alone”.
loneliless can be a blessing after i have had lots of people around me and tehn i get some quiet time
Sabrina, so sorry that you had to go through so much to find that loneliness “can”
be a blessing. It was a wonderful new prospective on loneliness that I am glad that you shared. Blessings to you and your husband and ministry! Thank you again
for the new prospective on loneliness.
Sada, thanks for taking the time to share how this article blessed you. We are always so encouraged when people take the time to comment. May God continue to meet you at your point of need and use You to minister to others!
Thank you for allowing God to use you. When I got to the part where you quote Psalms 139 it was as if my understanding of Gods love & acceptance of me was expanded & stretched. I would write more but now I’m anxious to get back to studying it so I can get closer to Him, which will in turn bring me comfort & ease my loneliness. May God reward you for your obedience. God bless you!
Ephesians, one of the things you need to read. A marriage, is a two ways street. You must value yourself and set boudaries, speak what you need, review your values, set goals of what you want. Your are Jesus’s child, value Christ, hHe is with you, and walking beside you. The Husband ( which I am ) must love his wife like he loves Christ. All acts must be in alignment with Christs plan for us. “I can do all thiungs through Christ who strengthens me.” Take hold of the power that Jesus gives you, honor the wonderful magnificance you are. Stand up for Christ, as His power will be with you. Blessings. I am a 45 yo man, and husband, these are the lessons I have had to learn.
good article– i do feel lonely quite often especially in the summer when people go away on holidays and there is not really church activeites happening, it is also lonely during the day when on one is around to talk to when my husband is off to work
Patty, I am so sorry about the pain in your marriage. I am grateful that you had the courage to post here and express the heartache of your situation. It is so important that you understand that your loneliness is not in any way a reflection of you as an unlovable or deficient wife or woman. You have infinite value, Patty, simply because God created you, and He loves you and will never abandon you nor leave your side. Patty, I want to encourage you to connect with a mentor if you would like to discuss your situation further, and one will get back to you quickly and with deep care about your circumstances. Here is the link to ask for someone to come alongside you:
http://powertochange.com/experience/talk-to-a-mentor/
God bless you, Patty, and please do not forget God loves you more than you can ever imagine!
Brenda
“You will never God is all you need, till he is all you have”
Thank you Sabrina.
Hi everybody. I’ve never posted a blog before so I’m a little nervous about writing this. I’ve suffered from depression most of my life. I’ve been a Christian for 27 years now. I’m 47 years old and am married to my husband Jack for almost three years. I am so lonely in my marriage because I feel like we live separate lives. He has his money and I have mine. He pays his bills and I pay mine. He never likes to talk so when we are together it’s sitting on the couch watching his guy tv. The only time he wants to spend time with me is what he calls “date night”, and it’s just sex. I’m very unhappy and just recently found out that he was married twice. He only told me about his one marriage. Please talk to me if anyone can relate?
God bless you, Sabrina, and each of you who have shared your heart after reading this beautiful testimony! I am married, but I, too, can relate to a long period of loneliness following my first husband leaving me, and also to loneliness even while in a marriage, for my first husband worked nights and slept all day. Sabrina, when you stated, “It wasn’t until I embraced the cross and the death of myself that I finally realized that life wasn’t about my desires, but it was about showing the love of Christ to others,” you really struck a cord in my heart. Lately I have believed God is doing a work in my heart and wanting to teach me to serve others in a more Christ-like way by learning to wait on Him though the study of His Word in a much deeper way. Thank you so much for confirming this with your wonderfully anointed words!
Sabrina,
You are sent by God. Your testimony is right on time and definitely on point. I truly thank God for His unfailing love and fufilling His promises through you. You have walked through the valley of loneliness and perservered, so now I know for sure that there is “light at the end of tunnel”. I’m suffering through a divorce right now, after being severely injured in Afghanistan. Depression tries to crush me but God always provides something or someone to lift up my head. You have encouraged me to finish reading the Bible. Prayer is crucial. Praise God for His mercy, and sending His Son to take my place on that cross. Loneliness is being used to teach and purge me with His Word and Holy Spirit. Thank you.
I was single for a long time before I got married and I spent a lot of time in depression and loneliness. Loneliness is not bad as long as you don’t waste it in depression. It should be a time to reflect on God and let him change us in His image so that when we get married or if we get married we are ready for our mate. We can be lonely when married as well and that too is a time to draw near to God and be teachable.
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” 2 Corinthians 1:1-4
“What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.” – Ecclesiastes 1:9
“The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience” – 1 Corinthians 10:13
Your testimony has both blessed and encouraged me Sabrina. I actually found it by googling scriptures on Loneliness.
One of the scriptures I have been meditating on is James 4:8, “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.”
I’m still learning of God’s Sovereighty.
Thank you for your testimony of God’s faithfulness. Today I really “felt” alone and lonely. You have encouraged me in God.
Thank You
I cannot thank you enough for sharing this testimony of yours. I have felt the exact same way as you. I did not think there was anyone who is or had gone through what I am. Every time I read it, it fills me with so much hope and peace.
May God Bless you and keep you.
wow what a testimony,this was meant for me i mean all my friends are married and i was the made of honour in most of their weddings i mean in more than 7 marriages i was there to witness and stand along the bride even people are making jokes about that in my family; but God is in charge He make things in His time i am willing to wait upon Him no matter what comes my way
You really blessed my life. I just recently broke up with my fiancee’ of 3 years because of his alcoholism and abuse. I loved this man so much and kept praying to God for him to change and accept the Lord. However, it did not happen. I pray for him daily. I have been so lonely since the breakup and today, Valentine’s Day was really hard for me. But, in the midst of my pain, I opened the Bible and googled ‘scriptures for loneliness’ and found your site. God is so good, he sent a message to me to ease my pain and loneliness through your site. I am eternally thankful for you and your sharing of how the Lord helped you to overcome.
Hi Sabrina, i cannot tell you how grateful i am to have found your testimony,it spoke to my soul.im a young single mum with a 3 month old living alone away from my family.I’m going through the biggest heartbreak i have ever experienced in my life,breaking up with my partner and becoming distant with some of my family members due to my pregnancy,but the part that hurts the most is severing ties with my partner whom i adored however my affections were unrequited and we did not share the same faith.The loneliness and pain gets so unbearable sometimes when you remember things and when you need a companion to help you rear your child but there is none.I never really thought that loneliness ever had a blessing till i read this.I think that if you managed to find peace and contentment from the Lord whilst single and that he gave you your man in the end,then that can happen to me as well.thank you from the bottom of my heart and May God bless you.
You completed some nice points there. I did a search on the topic and found nearly all folks will agree with your blog.
Wow that is exactly what I needed to hear. I strayed away from God for some years. It is not easy to jump back into things. I am thirty, newly single, just moved to a city where I don’t know a lot of people and though thankful for a job its not quite what I wanted. It does ease my mind knowing this is the path God wants for me but hard also. Thank you for writing this. I know what to do and hopefully I will figure out how like you.
blessing come from above, memorize his word let not your heart be troubled
neither let it be afraid
You blessed my heart and I am greatful God used you for this ministry. Please stay the way you are. Im realizing everyday that I too was/am selfish and I must humble myself more. I cant be controlling; in the end im alone and wishing I had done things better. Im annointed and I know it, so that caused me to be a know it all in my relationships. This has changed because God showed me me. I will embrece my aloneness and give God glory! Pray for my patients and that I be a good mother. Im two months pregnant now. I was celibate for a long while, and maintained though I was in a relationship. I embraced my gift of celibacy, but one day I got lonely and asked to get pregnant so I wouldnt be lonely anymore. I was intimate once and we concieved, yet Im still alone. Dont get me wrong Im full of joy!! God is good to me!! I just want to be in a relationship wiyh a Christian young man. Im 23 and just want a good man to be equqlly yolked with. Ill hold on. Pray for me. Be blessed and thatnks again!