The Blessings of Loneliness

Written by Sabrina Beasley

Loneliness had gripped me. In two years, five of my roommates were married, not to mention countless other friends, and I was tired of being left behind. At times I hurt so badly I would fall on my knees and beg God through tears to take my pain away. What I didn’t know then, was that God was using that pain to bring me to the sweetest love affair of my life, but it wasn’t by bringing me a man to fall in love with; it was by making me more like the Man who already loved me.

“Three times a bridesmaid, never a bride” rang in my ears. Although I was thrilled to stand beside some of the best women I have ever known, I still felt the fear of being left behind. I wondered what was wrong with me; I wondered what I could do to make myself more desirable; I wondered if I would be lonely forever.

Me, me, me…it was all I thought about. I tried to repair my inadequacies by reading Christian self-help books—how to prepare for marriage and motherhood and how to understand men. It was all really good information, but it didn’t fill my void of loneliness.

One night, I got down on my knees and cried out to God that he would take my pain away. I was so tired of being unwanted and without love. As I lay there, crumpled on the floor, He reminded me of 1 John 4:8 that says, “God is love.” I knew in my heart that if I wanted to experience true love, I needed to concentrate on my relationship with Him, not on a relationship of this world.

I turned my reading to the Scriptures, as I wanted to know the very heart of the Lord. As John 1:1 says, “…The Word was with God, and Word was God.” I started at Genesis and read my way through the entire Bible. In it, I found nothing but the love of God for His people and specifically for me. I knew I was imperfect, but I found in Psalms 139:13-16, that He created me, knew me, and loved me just as I was.

For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth; Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written The days that were ordained for me, When as yet there was not one of them.

It was that love that drew me closer to the heart of God. And the closer I got to Him, the more His light revealed the selfishness I was covered with. The Lord didn’t take my pain away, but He used it to refine my life, just as fire purifies gold (Malachi 3:3).

Loneliness became a reminder of the cross, the sacrifice of my own desires for those of the Lord. Jesus tells us in Matthew 16:24-25, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.”

It wasn’t until I embraced the cross and the death of myself that I finally realized that life wasn’t about my desires, but it was about showing the love of Christ to others. The pain I went through allowed me to identify with others’ pain and to counsel many women through feelings of loneliness, rejection, inadequacy, and the pain of broken relationships.

Loneliness became a tool that enabled me to have the time to make lunch appointments with other women who needed counsel, start Bible studies, memorize scripture, pray for long periods of time, and read, read, read. It was a luxury, not afforded to those in serious relationships or marriages.

As Paul says, “The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband” (1 Corinthians 7:34). I had been given a great gift, and it was given to me at the lowest point in my life.

So many Christians forget that God calls us to the low places. He calls us to be lowly (Psalm 138:6), to be humble (James 4:6), to be meek (Matthew 4:5 KJV). He even calls us to die (Romans 6:3-5). None of these come easily, and they often require pain. But we’ve been promised recognition, grace, inheritance, and everlasting life in return.

The popular Christian music group Caedmon’s Call sings a song called “Valleys Fill First” that points out that when the rain falls, the water flows to the lowest places, filling the valleys first. The blood of Christ was meant to flow to those who are hurting and struggling. Jesus said, “It is not those who are well who need a physician, but those who are sick” (Luke 5:31).

I was one who felt His healing touch in my life. Even though I was lonely, in an earthly sense, the void was more than filled, even overflowing, with satisfaction and a sense of belonging.

My time of hurting lasted about two years, and then God chose to release me. About the time my pain ended, and I was satisfied with my single status, God brought me the man that I would eventually marry.

I am happy where I am, and I’m grateful for the blessing of the man that God has provided—he truly is everything I had ever longed for. But there are days when I miss the blessing of loneliness. Those were days when I was forced to seek my intimacy in the Lord, and they were indeed sweet days.

I pray now for others who are in that place that they, too, would have a life-changing experience caused by the pain of loneliness. My advice to every lonely heart, single or not, is this: love the Lord, seek His face, read His word, and share His love with others. And you will experience the blessing of loneliness.

Taken from Copyright © 2004, used by permission.


254 Responses to “The Blessings of Loneliness”

  • Sharon Sharon says:

    hi chris– i am sorry you are still hurting i am sure this probably doesn’t mean much to you but i am still praying for you i am glad that you are still around i was praying that you were still around i will keep praying for you as long as i have breath

  • Chris says:

    Jim, I can understand only too well your loneliness and anger. I am 56 and have been desperately lonely for almost 35 years. I have made many, many attempts to find a life partner, but have not succeeded. Even now I am still looking and hoping, though as time gets shorter I am starting to lose hope. Having no family at all and health problems makes me feel even more alone inside. I wish that my period of hurting had only lasted for two years, like that of the article writer, and not 35 years. Jim, you have my sympathy and my understanding.

  • Bodjie says:

    I have a separation anxiety. Maybe it develops when I was still a kid wherein our mother leave us in the province to work in the city. I have been very friendly as I found that through them, I can at least ease the loneliness I felt with their company. However, when I began working where you cannot really keep your friends if they wanted to have a better opportunity, it really breaks me into pieces and I am really getting a hard time recovering. I would really miss chatting with them, eating together, staying in the office for long hours to beat the deadline and sharing same sentiments over work. This is the 3rd time that’s happening to me right now, I have been very open to my officemate and I found him very sensible and thoughtful friend. Eversince, I developed a wall to myself and distant to any person in work and treat them professionally, but sometimes you really need a friend whom you can share your sentiments and whose there willing to listen to you. Franco and I have been friends in less than a year and as much as I wanted to establish deeper friendship with him I know it would be impossible as we wouldn’t see each other more often. He will be leaving me soon, to be with other company as he has been drained on the politics we have in the office. It pains me to see him leave, but what can I do. It is for his better life and I don’t want him to be with this company and eventually lost his sanity. I would really miss him and I really regarded him as my true friend. I bring this up to God so he can always guide Franco and let him know that I will forever cherish the friendship that we had.

  • Jim Melear says:

    Biggest crock of crap I ever read . God wants you to hurt and be miserable just like me. I am 60 and have never had anyone give a [expletive removed] whether I live or die. Spent years reading the bible and praying and now my [expletive removed] life is over what kind of love is that?

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