So date, try this relationship out and listen to what both you heart and your gut are telling you. Remember that when you date someone you are seeing them at their very best. Yes your love will grow as you get married and build a life together, but the basic building blocks of who you are are less likely to change. If you are thinking that something is going to resolve or get better when you’re married, that is not usually the case. Marriage is not a magic bullet that makes everything ok. Marriage is a declaration of a commitment that you have already made – a choice to be together. You are accepting each other as you are right now. A good friend of mine often reminds people “Don’t date potential”. She’s right. You need to happy with who he is now, not who he could be in the future or might be if he just _______ fill in the blank. Yes we grow and learn and over time I think we get better at love, better able to fit into the spaces of each other’s needs, but if you have reservations now, you will likely find that they are not resolved at the alter, rather they intensify once you have promised each other forever.

Try to spend time with him in lots of different situations and see how you react to each other. Does your Mom like him? Do you friends smile when they see him? Is his boss pleased with his work? Is he nice to children and old people and dogs? There are lots of questions to ask and finding out the answers is part of the fun of dating. Just remember that at this stage of the relationship, you have an out if you need it. The work of dating is figuring out whether you want to seal up that escape hatch or not.