Beauty: To What Extreme?
As I watched the final tear-jerking moments of Extreme Makeover, I couldn’t help but feel envious. While the latest recipient of a plethora of cosmetic enhancement procedures walked into a room full of amazed family and friends, revealing her new “identity,” I sat on my sofa feeling fat, lumpy, and old.
Granted this woman had already won my heart with her life story of rejection, abuse, and poverty. She was a deserving candidate for an all-expenses-paid radical makeover if ever there was one. But as I watched her successfully undergo breast augmentation surgery, I was reminded of my own struggle to even “fill out” my bathing suit each year. As she revealed her sparkling new smile, I became more conscious of my medicine-stained teeth. And as this mother of six lost her belly with a simple incision, I bemoaned the crunches I would need to do before bedtime to stay in a matronly size ten.
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I turned off the television and headed for the track to work off my fat the old-fashioned way. With pride oozing from my pores, I ran, contemplating the recent fascination with extreme makeovers. Quickly I decided that such radical measures to improve one’s appearance were pure vanity, and, therefore, strictly off limits for godly women such as myself. But things tend to change as I run. All too often God has gently changed my prideful heart as I have pounded the pavement. While I gloated over my conclusion that cosmetic surgeries, cosmetic dental procedures and treatments such as collagen injections were basically a combination of vanity and poor stewardship, I was reminded of a few points I had overlooked.
What about the $80 I had spent last month to have my hair highlighted? And the $25 I had spent on a pedicure? Or the $20 I had spent on over-the-counter teeth whiteners? I had spent large sums of money for purely cosmetic reasons without ever questioning the spiritual implications. Why was I now questioning the integrity and maturity of people who had simply done the same, albeit on a larger scale? As I finished my final lap I realized that I had been too quick to form an opinion about something I had not put adequate thought into, prayed over, or checked out in God’s Word.
The cultural trend
As with most reality-based television programs, Extreme Makeover does not actually reflect the reality of today’s culture. This ABC primetime show has enjoyed success because it offers an altered reality. However, according to the American Society of Aesthetic Plastic Surgery (ASAPS), the reality of the cosmetic makeover trend is that extreme is “out” and subtle is “in.” ASAPS’ November, 2003, survey of 1,000 American households revealed that 39 percent of women are dissatisfied with at least one facial or body feature and 25 percent of the women surveyed would consider cosmetic plastic surgery. Still, among those who would contemplate surgery, only 27 percent would favor an extreme change.[i]
While only one quarter of American women may choose to alter their appearance through surgery, an ever-rising number of women are deciding to have other types of cosmetic procedures done. According to ASAPS, approximately 5.28 million non-surgical procedures were performed in 2002. These purely cosmetic treatments include Botox and collagen injections, microdermabrasion, laser hair removal, and chemical peels.[ii] Women of all walks of life are suddenly in a position to contemplate more appearance-changing procedures than ever before. Today these procedures are widely available, tested and proven safe, financially attainable, and socially acceptable.
The dilemma
While most contemporary Christian women have no qualms about wearing cosmetics or acrylic nails, fewer of us have seriously contemplated such invasive procedures as augmentation mammaplasty (breast enlargement), abdominoplasty (tummy tuck) or rhytidectomy (facelift). Until recently, only movie stars and millionaires considered these surgeries.
But with the cultural trend of going to more extremes for appearances’ sake, it is normal to ask the simple question, “Is this okay?”
To accurately evaluate the issue of cosmetic enhancement, I must put all the cards on the table, side by side. When I honestly look at the issue, I come to the conclusion that while some procedures may be more costly, invasive, risky or drastic, ultimately they are all similar in nature: artificial and unnecessary. (I am only addressing surgeries and procedures done for primarily cosmetic reasons, not those done for medical reasons.)
I also have to admit that all cosmetic enhancements share these defining qualities, including acrylic nails, tanning lotions and teeth whiteners. The tint I put on my hair, the makeup I won’t do without, and the pedicure I get at the beginning of each summer are all artificial and unnecessary.
Then why do they seem more extreme?
In honesty I must admit that my inclination to deem some cosmetic procedures acceptable and others extreme really has an ugly root: envy. If I can’t afford the procedure or I am nervous about the surgery or my husband doesn’t want me to have the treatment, then I may arrogantly label what I can’t have as extreme.
Still, once I have put all of these cosmetic procedures on a level playing field, I need to make some decisions about their validity. Certainly opportunities for physical enhancement will only become more readily available and feasible. It is not unlikely that one of my friends, family members, or fellow church members could have what I might consider an “extreme makeover” in the near future. The conclusions I reach now about these enhancements will determine how I treat these people after they have had their teeth professionally whitened, their breasts enlarged, or their wrinkles erased. Will I talk behind their backs out of jealousy or will I be glad for them? Will I silently condemn them or rejoice with them? At the same time, perhaps I need to re-evaluate even the low-cost, non-invasive, cosmetic procedures I undergo on a regular basis.
The Biblical perspective
The subject of cosmetic enhancements is only vaguely mentioned in the Bible. Fortunately that absence of direct instruction does not leave us helpless. As with every other area of life, God has provided the necessary principles that will guide me through my personal decisions about cosmetically enhancing procedures—extreme or otherwise.
- Principle #1 – My body does not belong to me, but to God.
Any time we consider the body and how to treat it, we must begin with the fact that, as Christians, our bodies belong to God and are to be used only to bring him honor. Because my body no longer belongs to me, I need to treat it as if it were a precious item on loan from a friend. That means I will consult the Owner before I do anything to change it.
- Principle #2 – With my focus on pleasing God, I can make confident choices concerning my appearance.
With my self-esteem anchored in who I am in Christ, I can proceed forward in making wise choices about my appearance as well as other personal decisions. I can know that my efforts to beautify my face and body are not attempts to gain worth and value, but simply to be the best I can be.
- Principle #3 – God graciously allows me to make personal choices, but I am expected to make wise and godly decisions that distinguish me from the world.
The Bible teaches that as a recipient of God’s grace I can make personal decisions with a clean conscience. I need not fret over displeasing God if I happen to “mess up.” But in Titus 2:11-12, I am reminded that God’s grace is the very thing that teaches me to “say ‘No’ to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live [a] self-controlled, upright and godly [life] in this present age.” This principle leads me to see that while I have freedom in Christ, that freedom is never to be used in a way that will tarnish my Christian testimony. That is not to say I will have to decide against certain cosmetic procedures, but it does mean I must consider how some procedures may affect my relationships and my effectiveness as a witness.
- Principle #4 – My focus should be on my inner woman.
The Bible makes it clear that God is more interested in a beautiful heart than a beautiful head of curls. In 1 Samuel, David is anointed king rather than his tall, handsome brother because David has a heart for God. And in 1 Peter, women are reminded to put more effort into developing a gentle and quiet spirit than an outward beauty. Still, both of these passages go on to indicate there is nothing wrong with a lovely appearance or external grooming. David is said to have had “a fine appearance and handsome features” (1 Samuel 16:12) and Peter indicates that some outward adornment is the norm. The principle here is while outward adornment and beautification are fine, they should never become what drive me. If I spend more money, time, and effort developing my outward beauty than my inner woman, I need to rethink my priorities.
The bottom line
Now that I have identified envy as the root of my criticism of some of the cosmetic enhancement procedures I have often deemed as extreme, and now that I have searched the Bible for God’s authoritative word on the issue of outward beautification, I must admit that my opinion on the matter has changed somewhat. While I still am not planning to go under the knife myself, I no longer feel decisively superior to those who do. And my husband and I have talked a little more seriously about saving money so that I can have my teeth professionally whitened.
I know that my greatest source of beauty is a thriving and fruitful relationship with Christ. I know that a daily diet of his Word and the consistent exercise of prayer are what will ultimately enhance even my physical countenance the most. Still, I want to look and feel my best so that I can represent my Lord well. Therefore I am at peace with my personal decisions to tint my hair, wear cosmetics, and even indulge in the occasional pedicure. I also am at peace with the choices others make. I have learned that I cannot judge motives, nor can I arbitrarily decide what is extreme and what is acceptable.
The bottom line is I can’t make such personal decisions for someone else, but I can make confident, responsible, God-honoring decisions for myself. You can too.
If you are a believer in Jesus Christ, God has given you His Holy Spirit to help you live life according to His perfect plan, making Godly decisions on the way. Why not pray this simple prayer to tune into God and by faith invite Him to empower you with His Spirit:
Dear Father, I need You. I acknowledge that I have sinned against You by directing my own life. I thank You that You have forgiven my sins through Christ’s death on the cross for me. I now invite Christ to again take His place on the throne of my life. Fill me with the Holy Spirit as You commanded me to be filled, and as You promised in Your Word that You would do if I asked in faith. I pray this in the name of Jesus. As an expression of my faith, I thank You for directing my life and for filling me with the Holy Spirit. Amen.
Notes
[i] American Society of Aesthetic Plastic Surgery, “When It Comes to Plastic Surgery, Extreme is ‘Out’, Subtle is ‘In,’” News Releases, 2003, <http://www.surgery.org/press/news-stats-22.asp>(January 8, 2004).
[ii] American Society of Aesthetic Plastic Surgery, “2002 ASAPS Statistics: Nearly 6.9 Million Cosmetic Procedures” News Releases, 2003, <http://www.surgery.org/press/news-stats-21.asp>(January 8, 2004).
Thank you so much for this! I have already booked my breast surgery. I talked to my sister-in-law who “lovingly” tried to talk me out of it. And for the last 2 days, it has been weighing so heavily on my heart. If I am doing this for the right reasons. I have been praying and searching. This was the BEST written article that I have read as to Christian women and whether or not they should undergo this type of thing. I finally am starting to feel like maybe God is not so black and white after all. My husband was not on board with me doing this at first at all, he loves me the way I am. But as we’ve talked about it, he has decided that if it is important to me, and if it makes me feel better that I should do it! Thanks for this! And God bless you all, no matter what you struggle with! I know my Father loves me just the way I am….this is my way of putting my best foot forward and hopefully finding that acceptance within myself too!
Thank you for the article and the responses. I have had five children and now my breasts, which started small, but were very inflated when my milk came in, are completely flat. I have thought seriously about having surgery for the last ten years, but always concluded that if God wanted me to have a womanly chest he would have given me one. My husband doesn’t mind my completely flat deflated chest, but I have been wearing large pads in my bra to give the appearance of breasts. My husband and I prayed about it and the answer I got from God was twofold. God showed me If it was important to my husband that I have the surgery then His answer was no, definitely don’t have the surgery. But if my husband is in love with me for my inner beauty, then the surgery is fine for me to have. I believe that the surgery, for me, is as significant to my feeling good about myself as orthodontic braces to correct cosmetically crooked teeth. It’s been a difficult decision, but when I have the surgery I will definitely feel like a woman, even without clothes on.
Lake,
Since originally posting a response, I have had augmentation surgery and couldn’t be happier with my decision. I was worried that people would judge me, too, but now I realize that it’s just none of their business! It’s my decision to tell people or not, and I’ve found that the people that I have told have been very supportive (even the Christians). I also know that the people who do judge are not good acting like good Christians, and I don’t worry about them (I used to be someone who judged others about their decision to have breast augmentation). This is decision is between you and God; don’t let the fear of judgment from others persuade you either way. Best of luck!
Lake and Ann, thanks so much for taking the time to not only visit our site but also to write a comment. I know how much this does impact how you see yourself as a woman. It is sad but very true that the most difficult part of it is how we communicate it to Christians because of how judgemental they can be.
Ann. your advice was right on! To pray and ask for God’s wisdom and direction and He will let you know the direction to you. This isn’t a trite decision that you have made easily, but instead you have sought His face on it which always the best place to go!
Thank you for your writing…but I think unless you have lived a life with very small breast or none then one can not truly understand the desires of women who want breast implants. (at least one that is small breasted) I have three children and after nursing the last one and loosing all my baby weight I lost all my breast volume. I have always been very small, like a AA, and now I am flat. My husband is not bothered by it, but every day I am. I have prayed and sought God for comfort and direction. Yes I struggles with several versus, especially 1 John 2:15, but I also believe that God wants me to be confident and desires for me to be intimate with my husband and feel good about myself. I feel very beautiful inside but I don’t feel like a woman on the outside, as God intended.
So finally 3 kids in 6 years, I have found the Doctor that has given me confidence and peace about undergoing breast augmentation. I do have to admit I do see a lot of women doing the procedure that have breast. But I know exactly how every woman feels that is almost flat chested. You are limited in what you can wear, you feel like a little girl when you wear a bathing suit even if it is a one piecce, but most of all you don’t feel like a woman. I just want to feel like a beautiful confident woman. It’s not envy or jealousy of women that have breast it’s an inherent feeling of wanting to be beautiful inside and out.
For any women out there contemplating the procedure, I just advise you to pray and ask for God’s wisdom and direction. I know after 6 years I have his blessing now to do this, but I was ready not to. You will know in your heart.
What a fabulous article. Indeed, as both Christians and in society both, we make judgments about others’ choices, depending on our personal viewpoints or experience. I have been struggling with an option to have breast augmentation since finishing breastfeeding 2 1/2 years ago. I lost almost all of the small breasts I originally had and am disproportionate. My husband does not care but it bothers me every day as I dress and have had to replace shirts and bras continuously to hide it as they continue to shrink. I wish it didn’t bother me so I continue to pray. I know the Holy Spirit will give me peace about the right decision. If I choose to do it, I want to be sure I communicate in the best way possible to both Christians (who will judge me) and non-Christians, who may question my integrity. Thank you again for your article.
Prince, have you tried to talk to her about your feelings? She probably doesn’t know how you feel about her wearing makeup or even what you think about her not wearing any makeup. You should really speak to her about it before you get married.
The internet is really an amazing pool of opinions. One has to be guided by the Holyspirit in order to get a clear understanding. My quest for answers on this topic lead me reading through many blogs. I am about to be married to one I have come to admit is really attached to cosmetics and makeup and I am truly deeply worried for her. I am much more attracted to her physically when she has little or no makeup on. I remember seeing her once when she had just woken up from sleep and how beautifully different she looked from other times we had met after her makeup and all. I am also concerned that this attachment to cosmetics and makeup has cost her quite a lot. For example she is hardly punctual. She almost always shows up late at work, events, even church services sometimes. She would hardly go out without makeup and can even makeup on the road! Now that she is to be married to a man who does not appreciate excessive makeup, I wonder what still motivates her?
Prince, Ghana.
Sharon and Shelley, I have to agree that God’s makeover gives new meaning to the words, Extreme Makeover! :-) What a blessing to know that He loves us just the way we are and too much to leave us that way.
Yes! God is the best makeover in all of life. he continues to do makeover to the planet and the universe as well. I am happy in what God has made me to be in this life.
while outward beauty is nice inner beauty is i think better, i agree with you shelley, God is also making over me too by continous healing of my issues.
Make overs! Only God can do a Makeover in our lives with Him. My makeover was my personal relationship with Him. He is still molding and repairing me to be the person that he wants me to be in this life and to be ready for the life after with Him, when i will see Him face to face and he can say “WELL DONE MY GOOD AND FAITHFUL SERVANT.
Thanks for your article. Its helped me personally as a beauty and makeover consultant. Its beautiful to know that God owns our body and desires that we work more on beautifying our hearts. I intend to share these insights with other Christian women battling with issues of outward beauty! God bless you.
Well! I like what has been written even though I have never gone through makeovers. I am blessed to have God design me and old me Himself into the creature that i am. People have told me that I look younger than my age of 57 and i appreciate that commment. I do pray that the Lord our God will do His makeover for you as you seeks His guidance.
Thank you so much!! Your insight has helped me make a confident descision!!
Thank you for this post! I’ve recently had to have a very large mass removed from my right breast, and since I was small breasted to begin with, it left very little left. Thank God the mass was not cancerous! I am very grateful, but my insurance will not cover reconstruction (since it wasn’t cancer). I’ve always been the one to talk my friends out of breast augmentation surgery, and now realize that this has made me feel superior. Now that the shoe is on the other foot, I realize why some women may feel it necessary to alter their bodies. Your article has made me think about my motivation behind wanting to fix my “problem”, and has taken a lot of the guilt I was feeling about doing so away. I know I’m not doing it to attract attraction (I’m happily married), but to feel normal again. I would not have considered the surgery had I not had the mass removed, but I am now looking forward to being able to actually fit into bathing suits, bras, clothes, etc for the first time!
Thank You,
Julie
Thomas,
I’d like to respond to what you’ve written, and know that I’m praying for you and your wife today…
The truth is, there will always be someone more beautiful, always someone more handsome. And even the “most” beautiful will some day not be the most beautiful. We will all be old someday. So that love that begins with physical attraction needs to endure through many changes along the way. Enjoy the time you have now while you’re either young or relatively young, and know that as you honor and protect your marriage, God will make it beautiful as both you and your wife grow old together.
In your marriage vows, you vowed before God and people to be faithful to your wife as long as you both shall live. Each husband and wife should strive for that. Confess to the Lord the times your thoughts have been unfaithful, ask Him to help you, say “No” to any tempting thoughts that try to come (tell them to be gone in the name of Jesus and refuse to listen to them. Instead, take the opportunity to remind yourself of the things you do love about your wife and thank God for those things and for her), and make a fresh commitment to be faithful to your wife no matter what.
You have not received “damaged goods.” Your wife was “fearfully and wonderfully” made by God.
You were attracted to the woman you married when you were dating her, and you knew about her facial/neck hair at that time. Regardless, it would not be fair to deny your wife of your affection and love. Imagine how you would feel if she thought that way about other men either physically or character wise. It would hurt very much.
Sin starts with thoughts. Don’t let yourself fantasize about other women. That kind of thinking is very dangerous, because it can lead a person deeper and deeper into sin. Confess this thinking to Lord and seek out accountability with other Christian men.
A husband and wife should be able to get to the point where they can share their desires with one another. This must be done very gently, because many women already struggle with body image. Maybe the hair bothered her before, but because you loved her and married her how she is, she feels safe to be vulnerable with you. You don’t want to lose that. So, some gentle ideas of how to address this with her would be to affirm your love for her, and that you find her attractive (look past the hair, and mention specific things that you find physically attractive about her). If it’s just a matter of waxing, gently ask if she would be willing to wax. If not, does she ever mention that she doesn’t like her facial hair. If she does, you could mention that you’d be happy for her to have it surgically removed. But don’t push this hard, because she needs to know that you love her and care about her first. Don’t go into this with a focus on wanting to change your wife. Your wife is precious and valuable to the Lord, and I pray that you will see how precious she is…what a treasure she is.
About the command for husbands to love their wives and Christ loves the Church: Jesus was perfect and we are not. But there is no excuse for sin either. We are to confess sin and resist temptation. God has enabled us to live by His Holy Spirit who guides us in truth and helps us to live Holy lives (He’s the one who makes you feel uncomfortable about comparing your wife to other women. Follow His leading.). That doesn’t mean we will attain perfection, but it does mean that we have been enabled to say NO to sin and to have victory over sin. We are no longer slaves to sin, but we are slaves to righteousness. It’s so refreshing knowing that we don’t have to sin, and I can attest to the fact that when I’m living rightly, my heart is light and free. So yes, it is possible to strive to love your wife as Christ loves the Church. My husband acknowledges that he fails at this, just as sometimes I fail as well. When he’s not gentle enough, he asks the Lord and me for forgiveness. And he shows me that he honors me and chooses me above all else when he fights against temptations to lust. These things grow my respect for him.
I don’t know that this is a difficulty for you, but if you are looking at pornography, you are hurting your marriage. Go to Focus on the Family and read the many helpful articles there. Jesus said that lusting after a woman is the same as committing adultery. So, looking at porn is the same as committing adultery. Marriage is hurt by porn. It makes husbands dissatisfied with their wives and therefore deprives their wives of the affection of a satisfied husband. And in the end both husband and wife lose out on intimacy with one another. If porn is a problem for you, I encourage you to seek help right away.
Anyway, I praying for you and for your marriage today.
He loves you and your wife so, so much!
In Him,
Lis
Thank you for this insight. I have been married now for three months. I am madly in love with her heart and desire for our Lord. Inwardly, she is the most beautiful person on this entire planet. Outwardly, she beautiful and well proportioned. Something that I knew about my wife before we were married has begun to bother me though. She has a lot of facial hair.
I love her, I believe we were brought together by God’s will and not ours, yet I find her facial hair to be a huge turn off for me. I don’t like feeling stubble when we kiss and put our faces together. And when I can see the hair on her neck, it just really bothers me.
I feel like such a jerk because I thought that “love conquers all”. We have talked about it, but it is a very sensitive subject for her, so I don’t want to go over the line. Who am I to ask her to modify the body that God gave her? Is this more an issue with my heart than her physical appearance? Some times I feel like I have received “damaged goods” (forgive my sinful heart!).
I love my wife and want to support her in the best way possible. Scripture commands us to love our wives as Christ loves the Church. Is that something I can really do? I even find myself thinking, “If only she looked more like that girl I would be happier.”
Am I going to destroy our marriage?