We have fallen out of love

I feel there is no longer any love between me and my husband. We also have different ideas about how to bring up children.  I am very troubled by my marriage, and hope you can help me.

Advice: From what you mentioned in your letter, I can empathize with your discontentment and feeling of hopelessness. I also detect that you feel powerless in your relationship with your husband.  I am concerned about you, and I hope I can help ease your mind.  Perhaps a first step would be to try looking at things from a different angle. The following suggestions should be helpful to you, and I look forward to hearing improvement in your situation soon.

I could not tell what your husband is like from your letter.  One thing I am sure of though is that in the beginning, you loved each other and were willing to commit yourselves to spending your life together. Therefore, I want to help you take a look at your marriage and see what has happened over the years.  If your husband does not have any bad habits such as gambling, excessive drinking, violence; has not had affairs, and is a good father, then the problem in your relationship is most likely caused by a lack of good communication. Not communicating can lead to poor communication over time.  Gradually you begin to form different views on things and grow apart, which may lead to changed feelings about one another. A family that is being pulled by two opposing forces cannot function as a love nest.

Since you are a Christian, you can use the power given to you by God to work on communicating and accepting your husband.  If you are able to interact well with others in church, then there is potential for you to interact positively with your husband as well.  Your relationship with your husband requires more intimacy than your relationships with others at church.  Perhaps this is a mission entrusted to you by God—to lead your husband to accept the Lord.  You may be saying, “This is not very easy,” but if you don’t give it a try, how you will know? God is able to help you. He will give you wisdom and patience to learn to communicate together as husband and wife. I want to share two Bible verses concerning the basic attitude a wife should have.

In 1 Peter 3:1-2 in the New Testament, it says: “Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.” I encourage you to be concerned with your husband’s welfare with true sincerity. Love your husband and make him experience the warmth of the virtue of your belief. Let his heart come to you; help him feel that he can always share with you every difficulty, anything that is on his mind, and any worries or happy things in his life. When he talks to you about these things, you may, by the grace God gives you, affirm him, accept him, encourage him, forgive him, and support him.

I encourage you to examine your attitudes and try to change any that are not keeping you in mind with this verse.  Give yourself some time to improve your relationship with your husband. Forming a family is not an easy task.  Remember too, that as your child is growing up, and he needs the love of both parents to develop a good and wholesome personality. If you let your child witness your effort to improve the family, he will fare better on his journey of faith because he has witnessed God’s true work in his parents’ lives.  I know it will not be easy, but I encourage you to use the strength given to you by the Lord.  When our lives become difficult, we need to put our trust in God. I will pray for you. I have several friends who have gone through similar experience such as yours. Because they were willing to wait on God with patience and forgiveness, all of their situations turned out well. You do your part and leave the rest to God.  God always wants to work in our lives.

I will pray that you will wholeheartedly trust God’s leading, and that God will give you strength and wisdom in your struggle to better communicate with your husband. If you want to know more about how to establish a deeper relationship with Jesus Christ, please consult the website, “A Joyful Life”. If you already have a good relationship with our Lord Jesus Christ, and wish to live a hopeful life please also visit “Joyful Life”. I will be delighted to share with you more of my experiences from my spiritual journey. I welcome and look forward to hearing from you.

Dear friends, are you facing a situation that seems hopeless? There is a God who cares about you and what you are going through. You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. Here’s a suggested prayer:

Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Saviour and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of woman you want me to be.

If this prayer expresses the desire of your heart, pray it right now and Christ will come into your life as He promised. If you invited Jesus Christ into your life, thank God often that He is in your life, that He will never leave you and that you have eternal life. As you learn more about your relationship with God, and how much He loves you, you’ll experience life to the fullest.

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