When Friends Fail You

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A fresh wave of anguish flooded over Emily as she recalled the shocking conversation between her and Lindsay. They had been best friends, sisters of the heart for the past 15 years, and now the relationship was destroyed. Lindsay had no desire to reconcile. Emily needed to deal with the intense pain and come to terms with the broken relationship.

The loss of a dear friend is one of the most painful things a woman can encounter. Still, these broken relationships can provide a platform for growth.

Some friends grow apart because their lives become filled with other interests or move apart. The most painful broken relationship is the one that separates as a result of unresolved conflict.

Whatever the reason, friendships come and go in our lives. When the special friendships you thought would last a lifetime are broken or lost, the wounds may require loving care in order to heal.

1. Grieve for the lost friendship. Grieving a lost relationship may take weeks, months or even years. A lot depends on how the friendship ends.

  • Admit the relationship has ended. Acceptance is the all-important positive side to rebuilding. You do not have to take on a load of guilt in order to accept that the relationship is over. Stay out of the “if only” game. The pain is intense as you realize the relationship has ended.
  • Suffer and grow. The way past the pain is to go all the way through it. The pain you are feeling is real. It hurts. Allow yourself to feel the pain. Use it as motivation to grow and make the crisis into an opportunity. The pain can be an excuse to remain bitter, angry, unhappy, or it can help you grow.

2. Avoid unhealthy coping mechanisms. As you go through this painful process, check yourself so as to avoid these unhealthy coping mechanisms.

  • Withdrawing – Sometimes hurting people hide so others will not suspect their fear.
  • Becoming a busy-aholic – Hiding behind busyness may delay the healing process and can also be very tiring.
  • Fearing aloneness – Being alone can provide time for introspection, reflection, growth and development of the inner self. Emptiness can be replaced by inner fullness and strength. There is a healthy balance in spending time with others and being alone.

3. Let go

Close friendships require an interest in other people, empathy, loyalty and commitment. They also require the letting go of idealistic expectations and unrealistic demands. In letting go, we grow. Sometimes this may even require letting go of the friendship entirely.

  • Forgive. Forgiveness is an act of the will on the part of the offended person releasing the perpetrator even though you do not condone what they have done. Trust, however, needs to be earned. This is particularly important in dysfunctional relationships. If you are seeking inner freedom, forgiveness is not an option — you simply must. Forgiveness involves realizing how much the Lord has forgiven. It enables you to forgive and see others’ failures through the eyes of mercy. Good friends are good forgivers.
  • Deal with your emotions. Acknowledge the feelings of love, anger, bitterness, feelings of vindictiveness and look at them realistically. Invest emotionally in your own personal growth instead of investing in the dead relationship.

4. Risk loving again. Intimacy is risky, no doubt about it. Reaching out may result in rejection. Then why do it and get hurt? Why not play it safe? The cost is too high to not ever take the risk — there are friends in your future who will be worth the risk and you may never know them if you don’t try again.

  • Make yourself vulnerable. It is easy to fear rejection. If someone wants to share, but seems hesitant, lead the way by opening up first. It is a precious gift to your friends when they personally discover that you cherish confidentiality and hold their secrets close to your heart. Remember, vulnerability hastens bonding.
  • Realize the risk is worthwhile. As you reflect on the friends of your life, realize some were in your life for only a season. Each of your friends has woven into your being some of the very fiber of who you have become. Realize you may never know why some relationships end: Reflect on the positive blessings and the impact a friendship made on your life during the happy times. If the friendship was filled with betrayal and pain, reflect on the growth that took place in your own life as you learned to deal with this.

Finally, realize that going through a broken relationship leaves you with a choice — to become bitter or better. Bitterness will only destroy you and never the person with whom you are angry. Which one will you choose?

Take Heart–God Really Enjoys Your Company

My Best Friends & I
by Karen L. Schenk

Throughout the years
I have had many different girls and women as my best friends.
They have all been very different from each other.
Yet somehow they have all been similar.
They had characteristics that blended with mine.
They were kindred spirits with me —
they were truly the soulmates of my life.

Together, these best friends and I
have laughed, cared, talked, listened, and cried.
Together we played, worked, and dreamed.
Such special friends were they, that at times,
we enjoyed doing nothing together.
Years have gone by
and I sometimes wonder
where they have all gone.
Some have moved.
Some developed different interests.
These were friends whom I once thought
I could never live without.

The best friends of my life
have had an integral part
in me becoming who I am today.
They brought out the best and the worst in me.
They loved me enough to confront, to challenge and to console.
They encouraged me in my strengths and
helped me overcome my weaknesses.

Though I know not where they live,
have discovered where they all left something for me.
It is a room — a delightful room which lies within my heart.

It is one of my most favorite places.
I go there when I am lonely, sad
or when I want to remember… and be with
the treasured golden memories
the best friends of my life left for me.

Forever — my friends will be a part of me
as I hold onto and cherish them
in that special room in my heart.

If you’re going through trouble with a friend, and need someone to talk with, we’re always here to listen. Contact us anytime.


98 Responses to “When Friends Fail You”

  • Chris Chris says:

    celine…i regret to hear of your struggles. i encourage you first to know that the most marvelous person in the universo is offering his friendship to you. his name is jesus christ. jesus has invited us to be his friends. this is the greatest invitation we will ever receive in this life. human friends can and will usually fail us but not jesus. he is a friend that sticks closer than a true brother. if you want to know how to really come close to christ and enjoy his friendship log onto…knowingjesuspersonally.com or click talk to a mentor above. i pray that jesus frees you from your sadness and disappointments by seeing him as your only true hope. you wont be disappointed!!

  • Celine says:

    I would like to have friends but I don’t have really close ones. I do have someone I talk to on the phone but she is far away. I’ve seen other people with close friends, boyfriends, husbands, close family and good jobs. I’ve walked this road for 33 years alone. I get up alone and go to bed alone. So I struggle with depression, eating disorder, autism and bondages. I am listening to worship music and I try to read my Bible it’s hard. I pray but the only hope is knowing that I’ll have that in heaven and it’s not something I’ll have really in this life. I just heard a person get married and I’m left alone. I try to reach out to people but I’ve been abused, yelled at, made fun of, blamed for being alone, told I was selfish and it’s my fault I’m alone and that I have to conform to what others want otherwise I’ll be alone. So I withdraw. I honestly think some have the gift of friends and some don’t. Some have community with believers and some don’t. Some are loved and some are not loved and some are from Christian homes and some don’t. Some have different blesses than others. I have a nice place to live and food to eat which is nice but it’s empty because those things can’t love a person back. I try to put God first and it’s strange when people say God has a purpose or a wonderful life for me. I think that is probably true in heaven but here I’m having my doubts. Where I live people are in a hurry to leave church and people don’t talk to each other. People keep to themselves and if someone could be abused or hurt or even be dying and nobody would even know. I do talk to people in the apartment but they are so distant. People don’t really invite people to their homes. I haven’t found a church with joy, real fellowship or love. So it’s just God and me for the rest of my life. I guess that’s enough. So yes friends have failed me. It’s sad because I see animals sometimes has more caring and social than humans. So yes I forgive those that hurt me but in my heart I know I’ll probably have to spend most of my days alone in this cold world and wait for that blessed hope. I volunteer but I’d rather witness to them but I’m not allowed.

  • vierocka says:

    Eunice. ..Jesus is our best friend and I pray that you will find him as a best friend. I pray also that you will find a loyal friend from some of the christians family so you will not feel so betrayed and lonely among people. God put us among people and he will give you some friend just pray for it and be yourself.Forget and forgive people who hurt you even if they don’t ask for forgiveness and move on. Jesus is our best friend and he will give you a new friend from some christians.

  • Chris Chris says:

    Eunice…i am sorry to hear of your struggles. we know that people can come and go in our lives but our friendship with jesus will never end. if you want to have the best friend anyone could ever have log onto…knowingjesuspersonally.com and find out more. i pray jesus confort you in your life as you learn to know him more and more as the wonderful friend he really is for us. bye!

  • Eunice says:

    Im 15 and I’ve been friends with a girl called grace who is a christian for about 4 years. I believed she would be a life long best friend but… my other friend Jessyca and partly Mary and grace talked behind my back about my family and friends. Grace decided to tell me what they had been saying past few years and it was all really horrible. This had been going on since Jessyca came in our group. I was so upset and grace me and another friend laura left Jessyca and Mary because it was Jessyca starting all the talking and Mary wanted to stay with her. Recently grace aid to e she wants to be friends equally with everyone so she said she willbspend time with both of us. I wanted to do that aswell but Mary and Jessyca only et grace back because I didn’t accept their apology straight away because it seemed sarcastic and fake ish. Now every day in school grace and laura leave me all by myself as a loner to go to Mary and Jessyca. It hurts a lot because grace was my best friend but she says she can’t have best friends. We still go to ballet with each other but its not the same. Im scared not only to lose her but also my hobbies because i depend on her parents to take us. There is also a Christian camp she went to with me and I fell in love with a boy but we r not going out. Im really scared im never going to see him again to have a chance to get to know him became we live far away from each other. In school there are not many people and i dont know who to make friends with when she leaves me. I have packed lunch and i do ballet and i have allergic eczema reactions and im scared I wont find friends who like to be friends with someone like me. I dont want to change who I am!! What can i do?? I want to move school but then i lose grace, ballet, chance to see that boy again and im doing gcse’s which I need to get good in to be a vet. So moving school might affect my grades. Please pray for me for a new girl in school or for someone to accept me and care for me and who I am! Thank you for this website and please help me in my dilemma!! Xxxxxxxxxx

  • Doris Beck Doris Beck says:

    Vierocka,the words you spoke to Tooba are so true. I agree Tooba, that losing a friend really is a very difficult thing because our trust has been broken and it is so hard to rebuild that.

    Vierocka’s words are very wise….to forgive that person and then ask God to give you a new friend. He can do that as I have found out in my own life. Earlier in this thread Barbara shared a devotional about friendship that you might find helpful at http://powertochange.com/blogposts/2012/08/26/good-friendships/

    Also, Jesus truly is our best friend and He will never break our trust. To learn more about having a relationship with Him, check out this link, http://powertochange.com/itv/spirituality/there-must-be-more/

  • vierocka says:

    Tooba…Losing a friend is one of the hardest thing in life, because you trust them, love them, understand each other, opening your life and heart to other person and then he is just cold or don’t want be friend with you. I know what I am talking about. Firstly forgive and then pray that God will give you a new friend. But best of all is that Jesus is our friend and you can talk to him and open your life to him he will never disappoint you.

  • tooba arshad says:

    hello my name is tooba arshad and im telling the story of my bestfriend that she was firstly good with me but later she was very bad with me any thing she want i give her but i dont think that she has any quality i also give her gifts and she also give me gifts but then she said to my two friends that tooba is so bad and she is this and that then a few days later my two class best friend came in our class and i meet her and tell her that i was her best friend and she also remember me on that my head broken and i have stiches on the head my best friend came and said that how are you feeling now and i said better then i tell her that my best friend came and his reaction was very bad and she tell my another friend wajiharauf that toobas new friend has came now she will not talk to me and i laugh at this reaction then i dont know that my bestfriend said these things to me then i know later qqand i cry cry cry then i also said bad words about humna rizwan and my two friends wajiha and fatima malik told this to humna rizwan and she was also angry with and then papaers were going and she give my friend 30 rupees and said them tell tooba that photostate the worksheet for me and i will be her friend again i take those rupees and the next day i give her the worksheets and 100 rupees and then she said that why gave these then i said thats your rupees and you will not remeber that this rupees you give me that and i give the rupees by myself and then she also angry with me and i sdaid to all my friends to tell her that plse be my bestfriend but when a friend ask her that who is your bestfriend and she said that no one and i said that she broke my relation and then my another friend khadija zahid tell her that plse be toobas bestfriend and she says that okay

  • Shelley Shelley says:

    Dear Father God.

    Lord I lift up my bloggers to You that You will respond to there prayer requests of when i friend fails you. I pray that You will help them, in Jesus name amen

  • Barbara Alpert Barbara Alpert says:

    Dear Srycanttellyou, sorry to hear about the strife between you and your friend. No matter what grade you are in or how old you are friendships can be challenging depending upon what it taking place in one another’s lives. Sometimes jealously, discontentment with one’s own life, or unrealistic expectations of others can cause friction between two friends. I have come to learn through many years of experience that the “quality” of a few blessed “heart-to-heart” friendships are more valuable than the “quantity” of friends you have.

    Here is a link to a devotional regarding friendships that perhaps will be a blessings to you: http://powertochange.com/blogposts/2012/08/26/good-friendships/

  • i need help. a couple days ago, one of my close friends called me a jerk who acted stupid and i was an idiot. at first, i was like ‘ok it was just a sentence’ but THATS when i realized something: if i had a story i wanted to tell, they never really seemed interested, they always seem tense when they finally end up telling me something. i thought trust, but ive done everything to make me trustworthy. this comment isnt as bad or anything, but i need to know something: should i let go? this has been happening since maybe 3 years now, and im in grade 7. ive heard grade 7 is the worst year of friendships.anyway, i turned to 2 other friends who kinda welcomed me quickly. i have half of me telling me to move on, but the other half is telling me to hold on a little longer. should i move on? or should i wait

  • Chris Chris says:

    Melanie…i regret hearing of your difficult experience and yet we know that the bible teaches us that whatever good we do for someone, God will not forget about our helpful efforts. you can console yourself in this, that if jesus is your lord and savior, he is well pleased with any and all kindness that you show to him by showing it to his people. we read that in Matthew 25, that the least we do to any of his followers, its the same to be doing it unto the lord himself. so take heart! your reward is coming to you if you are one of jesus disciples!

  • Justme says:

    I’m sorry I haven’t replied with a follow up in a while. I think a lot of what you said is true, she was/is jealous that I completed my degree while she didn’t and that I’m closer to my dream job than she is. I recently became an editor, which is a step closer to what I want. We’ve patched things up a bit. Since our ‘confrontation’ she hasn’t berated anything I like. We can joke a lot, now, but I have found my attitude towards her has turned sour. I get annoyed by everything she does. But I’ve been praying and doing what I can so that God could help me change my attitude. I can see how our friendship has changed. Before I confronted her we would talk back and forth about our different stories and ideas and our progression in said stories, but now we don’t. That saddens me the most, and I’m hoping with time that we can become open on that again.

    I don’t think I’ve lost this friendship. We’ve hit a huge ravine, and neither of us are very good at rock climbing, but I think we’re struggling through to fix things. I thank you very much for your advice and your help. It’s made me think about things more than I normally would.

  • Melanie says:

    I had a friend for 10 years. We were 2 totally different people in/from 2 totally different worlds but for some reason we clicked when we met and forged a bond. At the time we met, George was going through a lot of turmoil in his life. I was there to support him through all of it; lost jobs, lost living space, lost relationships. He basically hit rock bottom and I supported him as he scraped his life back together. He was always thanking me for that. Even this year when he told me he found himself a girlfriend I was very happy and supported him. Then a few months later I found out…by accident…that he was getting married to this lady, and the date was not far away. He never planned on telling me. How could he not tell me, a friend who saw him through his darkest times? How could he not tell me about one of the happiest things in his life? I’ve waited so long to see his life back together so it was a joy to know he was getting married. And I told him that. But from that point on he basically stopped talking to me. Never acknowledged, never showed appreciation, just basically wiping his hands of me. I played the high road for a long time, telling him how happy and proud of him I was, even though I barely ever got feedback. I finally got tired and this past weekend had to tell him I’m done with our friendship. I fill like the past 10 yrs were just a hoax, like I was just filler until he had a life again. How could you disrespect a person like that? I feel like I was treated like a fool.

    I would never wish this kind of betrayal on anyone, but I am comforted in reading that other people out there have lost a friend in a bad way like I have. It makes me feel not as foolish.

  • Chris Chris says:

    rebecca….i am sorry to hear about your friends mistreating you for you having spoken the truth. what did they expect? can friendship be built on mistrust? not true friendship, no. your best place to find true Christian friends, though not perfect ones, is in a true Christian church where you can experience the love of spiritual brothers and sisters through christ. if you would like for a personal mentor to assist you in finding a church and a personal relationship with jesus, go to…


    thanks for sharing!

  • Rebecca says:

    Hey I’ve really hurt my friends I went out with them for a day and had fun and my friend started kiss this boy that my other friend likes and I liked . We started walking around for a bit and I got bored so I said I’m going home so I did when I got home my other friend called me and asked if I wanted to go out and help her babysit so I did and she asked me about that boy she liked and if anything happened or had changed so I told her that my other friend was kissing him today and being all loved up and when into her I realised I wasn’t meant to tell her but I felt bad keeping it behind her back and she went made when she found out about them to and now my friends hate me and can’t trust me anymore and said we won’t be so close anymore and I hate my self for doing it and I get so upset and angry I just wanna movie on from them but I can’t it hurts so much and a I need help to do it because I can’t handle it anymore wiv them coz they treated me bad as well and I wanna move on from them and I don’t know how xxxxxx help

  • sandra says:

    my best friend (who is getting married imminently – I´m maid of honor) screamed a me the other night that i am not f$%&ing invited to her wedding and to f%&& off! we were on a night out and she started her aggressive behaviour with me (i have seen this a million times – it´s ugly). the last thing i wanted was an argument..she accused me of saying something i didn´t say, i defended myself but i could see she was becoming aggressive so I left the party we were at. Minutes later i see her again and that is when she screamed at me. Things have not been right of a long time which is partly me reason from leaving and not wanting an argument (not that night anyway). we saw each other the other day to talk things through but i could hardly bring myself to look at her. when i don´t see her i am actually ok and getting on with my life, but when i see her I feel uncomfortable. it is her wedding in imminently and although she has re-invited me I still feel uncomfortable about the whole episode. i don´t know what to do…one thing i do know is..I want her to have an amazing day on her wedding i just don´t know if i can bring myself to go knowing what she said to me. I feel our friendship has come to the end of it´s road. my gut is telling me not to go but i don´t want her to be upset on her wedding day, also having to explain why i am not there. I´m so confused.

  • Chris Chris says:

    emb…i rejoice with you on your engagement and regret to hear of your difficulty with formerly close friends. we do know that coming into marriage can mean a limiting of former friendships and a true friend like John the baptist to jesus will understand that. remember john said the friend of the bridegroom rejoices at the bridegrooms wedding. sadly, not all have the love of God to such an extent to rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep, though certainly they should. you do well in making your invitations to all, that is what jesus does also. he excludes noone, includes everyone. he leaves the decisión making to the person themselves so too can you. i pray jesus bless your wedding and more importantly your marriage, so he can be head of your home, friendships and relationships in his name and for his glory amen!

  • EMB says:

    I’m in a lot of pain over a dying/dead friendship…a person I continue to see in public places several times a week, and with whom I have mutual friends, some of whom are moving away from me and toward her (she can really “work the crowd”… I’m more introverted).

    Two years ago I met my fiance through my ex-friend and we all got along fine. Then some life situations took me out of town on a regular basis for extended periods of time…my fiance was tremendous help. When he and I got back into a hometown routine, I attempted to reconnect with my friend and the gang. She wrote me a note saying “friendships are like plants; they need to be watered.” Well, I took it to heart and watered and watered and watered… but I guess it was too little, too late. She stopped inviting me to events she was planning, and continued to invite our mutual friends. Those friends are now closer friends with her, and don’t include me anymore, and so it’s difficult for me to assess how to be when I run into these gals in public places. I tried to be glib in my FB responses to my friend’s posts… she unfriended me.

    My wedding is coming up… some good friends are throwing me a party. I’m not sure whether to invite the once-upon-a-time and maybe-sometime friends. I’d like bygones to be bygones. It’s a small town and, really, life is too short… and we really have had fun together (I thought). Can I invite some of the old crowd and not others? Should I just cultivate the good friendships and let the others go?

    Can’t believe I’m in my 50s and am having difficulty managing this…

  • Doris Beck Doris Beck says:

    Glad to hear that just reading this article helped. Sometimes it helps just to know that we are not alone in what we are going through and that it’s ok to grieve the loss of the friendship. But you are right, with God’s help it will get better.

    I lift up Ellie today and thank you that she was helped by this article. Lord as she applies these steps to her life and her relationships, I pray that You would ease the pain and help her to move forward. Thank you that You promise to redeem the years that the locusts have eaten and you will heal the broken pieces of her heart as well. Amen

  • Ellie says:

    Thank you, I feel better just from reading this. Letting someone go now, with dignity, it’s not easy but it will get better.

  • Shelley Shelley says:

    Dear Father God.

    Lord I lift up anyone who is going through a rough time with friends that You oh Lord will heal the broken hearted. In Jesus Name amen

  • Ella says:

    Well, I also have an ex-best friend story, and while I was reading this I asked myself a question, why am I the only one trying to fix it? She said it was my fault that our 7 year old friendship was over, but I don’t think it was. I have been there for her in though times as she has been for me, she helped me, and I helped her. But. I had this constant feeling that she was the one that was ‘in charge’ and if I did not like her decisions she would get mad, I never wanted to stand up for myself because I knew that she would get mad. We had this last fight over a guy, my current boyfriend. I got back together with him about 7 months ago, she was the one that said it would be ‘ok’. I told her that. I would get back together with him only for revenge, as time flew by I could not get it. I reslly started having feelings for him. I knew she wouldnt understand, so I did not talk to her about it, I just kept moving in the relationship enjoying myself. I do have a feeling as if I need to tell her my feelings for him, but I do not see any point in that now. I have been there for her as much as possible, and. I have helped her out a lot as well. She is in this relationship with a guy, who her family hates and they do not let her go with him, I have been hiding them, picking them up, making sure everything is ok with them, if they are going out for the night I would have to stay at home or hide so none of her family members could see me,and I did this for a year or so. I could not go out with my boyfriend as much as I wanted to, and if II did we would either be at my home or just drive around town. I really do not mind that I had to do these kind of things, but I got tired of doing them, and she and her boyfriend were taking advantage of it. She did help me with my boyfriend, she told me all about where he was going who he was hanging out with an seeing, she even helped me ‘catch’ him cheating. And I am thankful for that but that is not the only thing that matters, she looks at the things she helped me with but not all of the things I have been helping her with.She did what she wanted to do, she said what she wanted to say and it was her always getting hurt. She was never wrong. I do feel bad that this friendship is over, and my brain and everyone else said that I am doing the right thing, but my heart remains empty. I just want to know, am I making the right decision?

  • Andrea says:

    I have finally realized that my best friend is not a best friend anymore, more so I don’t think she is even a friend. I’m 34 with a family of 2 small children. We don’t live that far away from each other. We had been friends since 7th grade. I think mainly we drifted apart. I think I have also been the more needy one in our relationship just because of the issues I have had in my life, but I was always there for her and there to listen. She just stopped talking.

    It just seems to me that she has no time for me or it looks like she is making no effort. We don’t get together. I try and call her, text her. Now I am only getting one sentence responses. I am one of those people who want to make everyone happy around me.

    When one of our other friends from HS is getting married (who live on the opposite coast) and I got a bridal shower invite from my “best friend”. So jealousy came first that I wasn’t included. Then came the the realization that I am not friends with her anymore. My thoughts were how could she be part of the bridal party when she hasn’t had time for me. We haven’t seen each other in like 6 months and haven’t really talked since then either. It hurts. I have never had to let someone go before. But how do I let someone go and might see her next week? The shower is next week and I still haven’t responded.

  • Sharon Sharon says:

    to Gwen– I am sorry you are still hurt from this ex friend– prayer–father God I pray for Gwen right now for her hurt I pray for your healing hand over her emotions from this hurt. I feel for you I would hurt friends and they would forgive me again too when I apologized to them, God I pray too for his ex-friend for her to see that she did or does love Gwen and come back to her and be friends again I pray all of this in JESUS name amen. I hurt for you. God I pray for other friends to come into her life to encourage her I am praying for you. — sharon

  • Gwen says:

    I still miss my exfriend. I realized I probably pushed her away by try to reconcile and make amends so many times. I can’t believe she doesn’t or never missed me once. It has been 14 months. We were only friends 2 years. But I seem to have lost all my other mutual friends and probably because I kept bugging her. I just can believe she kept rejecting/ignoring me. I know I should have only apologized once and leftbit alone. I understand I hurt her but this is still hurting me. I guess I thought at some point shed miss me and feel bad and hurting me. I have other friends but miss a close friend to ask how my day was and vice versa. I miss the bantering of the group. I have reached to the other mutuals friends just small talk. They respond one text and then I respond and silence. It makes me so sad. My reaction my fault but this exfriend could “get it over it” and we could all be friends again. I should realize she is not a nice person. But she was. I see what I did was wrong. Im a good friend but guess I’m not worth a second chance. I’m an outgoing person but no one is interested. I guess I feel like a loser. If no one is willing to take care of me why should I take care of myself. I still need to discuss because I’m still hurting and no one wants to hear it

  • jen says:

    I was getting close with a friend I met on a grief line. I got cross with her, I blamed her for not writing, when she said she did, and it was probably my email service. anyway, I kind of told her it was her fault I ran out of my email limit, etc., and it escalated. Now she changed her address, and I can’t contact her. I was quite mean.

  • Nikki says:

    i’m involved in a ladies weekly prayer group, we meet every Thursday for dinner, chit chat, and we recite the rosary. Within the group we, four of us ladies would go out dancing every Friday night. We met, danced and mostly had a great time together. One of the four women is bi-sexual, after awhile she started hitting on me.. first it was subtle, but then it progressed into verbal and physically hitting on me. I set this person straight from the get go that I’m straight, she just laughed and continued to hit on me. I explained what was going on to the other girls and they said, “Well, we don’t want to get involved.” So finally I had to back out of meeting up with them because I was feeling attacked by her advances towards me, so basically they all stopped talking to me. I wrote the girl a note, the one who hit on me… and of course she denied her behavior, she’s also an alcoholic and claims that she doesn’t remember hitting on me. So over the past two – three months our group connection has become strained, I’v started to no longer attend our prayer group, and I haven’t spent anytime with any of them. In fact they have all given me the cold shoulder, last week was my birthday and no one called to say happy birthday to me. This situation has been really painful, unkind, and unsettling to me. I’m the victim, and I’m the one who’s being cast aside. It feels like I no longer exist with them, at this point I don’t want to return to the group ever again. I’m a middle aged woman and I can’t believe that women still behave in this manner, it has been a really painful and eye opening experience. I talked to a therapist about this incident and the first thing she said to me was this, “Did they stand up for you, if they didn’t then they have never been your friends.” I had already arrived at this conclusion, the shunning at my birthday was the clincher for me. Thanks for listening, I am at this point feeling better because I’ve made the decision to not return to the group.

  • Depressed says:

    Iam a 21 year old girl living with my parents and my elder brother.I am still a student. My parents and brother are employed.My parents’ marriage is not a happy one.Because of this,they will be arguing with each other most of the time,even after 30 years of marriage.I don’t know the proper reason as to why they are unhappy with each other,but I have heard from other relatives that this unhappiness between my parents is caused by my dad’s sisters and their mother,and that my dad’s family is lucky to get a daughter in law like my mother. So even though my brother and I grew up listening to our parent’s arguments,in our eyes our mom was the greatest person on this earth.Even now I respect my mom a lot but I feel that my brother does not respect her anymore,and this is causing me a lot of pain.My brother and mom fight with each other almost over every matter.When I sit and analyze the matter over which the fight began,I feel that my bro is right,and that mom is trying to impose her decision on him.I know that it is wrong on the part of parents to impose their decisions on grown-up children, but mom is doing this out of affection and is trying to be protective.My mom’s main weakness is she never accepts her mistake and she is not ready to listen to anyone’s views,and she feels hurt if she is opposed.How can I change my mom’s way of thinking without hurting her? My brother was saying that he is going to move out of the house and if he does that,it is going to break my parents’ heart.It is not a financial problem as both my parents are employed but they will loose their soul if my brother does that.Can u please tell me how I can change my mom’s attitude without hurting her because i felt that my problem will be solved if it is done.I just love my family and I want it to be in s single unit. Plz suggest me what I can do

  • Teresa says:

    I had this friend for about a year. She was the nicest person, but recently she made rumors about me. I found d that out by my BFF. I told her that wasn’t nice, but she said she didn’t say it, and my BFF was lying. I told her my BFF would never lie to me, and that was it, we don’t talk to each other anymore. Before, I introduced one of my other friends, and that friend isn’t my friend anymore. I feel like everyone hates me..

  • maria says:

    Hello, I surely can use a piece of advice here ,,
    so my friend and I have been best friends for like 6 years and we’ve nearly been talking for every single minute throughout those years -we’ve had some fights before but we over came that and we even reached to the point that we’d laugh about our fights – anyway, I’ve never been sure whether she really likes me because most of the times she’d leave me behind when any other friend is available for her and I have a lot of friends and matter fact I was the one to introduce her to the those who are sort of her friends too now , but recently she doesn’t talk to me at all not even at school or on Facebook or anywhere and she’s always quit when I’m around but starts laughing when I walk away so I’m trying to end this and be okay with it but I am really an emotional person and I miss her so much even though this “not talking to each other ” phase only lasted for a week or so what should I do !!
    -ps :sorry if it’s too long ..

  • Claire Colvin Claire Colvin says:

    Hi Need Advice,

    May I ask you a question? Why do you keep repeating the mistakes? Are you not getting your work done? Do you need to work on your time management? Are you doing the project incorrectly? I know it’s hard for you to have your friends upset, but with a group project especially one in the final year you are putting your friend’s grades, and possibly their graduation at risk by not contributing to the problem. Is there a tutor at your school who could help? Does your professor have office hours?

    When trust is broken it can be restored but it takes time. Usually one of the first steps is to stop doing the thing that caused the trust to break in the first place. When you show them that you are doing your part and doing it correctly it will create a space where they can trust you again.

  • Need Advice says:

    My friends and I have been friends from last 4 years,and now I’m in my final year.We have to do a project in college and as we were 6 in number,we divided ourselves into 2 groups of 3 members each. Once we started the project my group and the other group drift apart.That itself was a big blow for me,as I had expected the 6 of us to stay together.I recovered from that, and now I have lost friendship with my own group mates.This is because I’m careless by nature,because of which I have done some serious mistakes which had put both my project and my friends at stake.Initially my friends were forgiving me,but as the no of mistakes have increased they have lost their patience and trust in me. I have not done these mistakes intentionally and I have even accepted them but the problem with me is I keep on repeating them.My friends are actually good people so I want to regain their trust and friendship. Is it possible to do so?Please Reply

  • Roxanne says:

    My friends an I are always laughing and having fun with each other during class, but when I became a high schooler everything changed. My new friends are awesome but there’s one problem, my friend D started acting weird every week, once a week she cries because of a past relationship or loss in the family. My teacher told us at the beginning of the year that we are all family and need to care for each other. But D has been pushing us out when she cries. We try to help her bit she wont let us, Why? Today kay and I told her we love her and still are her friends but we cant keep doing this anymore. We have tried every time but she pushes us out. Im really worried kay said if crap like this keeps happening shes gonna move to California. I need some major advice and we definitely tell shes not in a depression.
    Any advice on the situation, please I want my happy friend back. Please help.

  • Claire Colvin Claire Colvin says:

    Hi Steph,

    This sounds like a challenging situation and it also sounds a bit familiar. Years ago I was in a relationship with someone and as he started to pull away I kept giving more and more thinking that I could convince him to stay. A good friend of mine said, “Claire, people who care about you meet you in the middle. Anything less and one of you is stooping. You shouldn’t have to bend over backwards to make this work.” She was right and it helped me find the strength to walk away from a relationship that was no longer healthy.

    It sounds like perhaps that’s where you are now in this friendship. You are taking calls at 3am, you’re putting up with cancelled plans and letting her say awful things about you. It may be time to step back from the relationship. You are not the parent here so you are not called to sacrificially give to this person. Perhaps this friendship has run it’s course, or maybe this is just a season where you don’t spend time together. Parenting is exhausting. It could be that she is feeling overwhelmed but that does not mean that you are required to be a doormat.

    What would it look like if you kept her in your prayers, but took her out of your schedule for now? If you would like to talk to someone privately we also have mentors available. You can use this form to contact a mentor and you’ll hear back, usually within a couple of days. Mentoring is a free and private service.

  • Steph says:

    I am really struggling with what to do about a friendship that I (think) I cherish, but may not because the friend is cold, standoff-ish and recluse. She and I had been friends all of our years growing up, we lived across the street from each other – we grew apart as young adults and now he has a new baby and lives at the top of my street for the past year and a half. She would ask me to hang out, make plans etc, and when the day came she always bailed. I was 1 of two friends friends at her baby shower and I had provided most of her items for her baby. When I asked her if she would be willing to have company and just relax she immediately got angry and hostile because I was pushing her and mothering her…
    She would text me at 3 am and I would getup and try exhaustively to explain that I am her friend and my intentions are coming from a safe place, but she shut herself off for me. As a person I want to help, I want to know what’s wrong so I can help fix it, I care for her and want a genuine relationship. Just recently I heard that she said that being friends with me has come back to bIt her in the *butt*.
    I confronted her and she said that ‘she has no time to talk to people’ but is rather liberal with her social media involvement. I replied that if it was something that she did say, that it was hurtful to me. She replied that I am juvenile.”
    I’m honestly at a loss, I feel like I am grieving. I feel like I should keep trying and keep putting myself out there and to be vulnerable, but it’s discouraging and sad.
    Does anyone have an opinion or similar story that they want to share, a&d how they’ve come through it?

  • Sharon Sharon says:

    good article of course friends will fail you we are all human, its hard when people go through it i find it hard to forgive them i know we have to forgive but is still hard. i;ve failed many friends and friends have let me down but its nice to have God withs you to help to forgive them and they to you. thank you for posting this article i can relate

  • Janet says:

    Dede ok you make a mistake. You owned up to the mistake. That alone is a huge step. Credit yourself for taking responsibility. The ball is in Macy’s court right now. Healing takes time and never happens quickly. Whether or not you and Macy can remain friends is an unknown at this point. But here is something you can take away from this situation. You have just learned an important life lesson and fortunately for you, you learned it at a young age. Your heart will remember this time and never allow you to do something like this again. I hope your friend can get past this and see all the good that you have to offer her. If she doesn’t , please know it is not the end of the world. You are obviously young and therefore can only grow stronger from this situation. Yes the feeling is crushing right now but believe me it will feel better. You were very brave to take responsibility and that shows good character. I wish you luck and will pray for you. Keep me posted. Janet

  • Claire Colvin Claire Colvin says:

    Hi DeDe,

    I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through such a hard time with your friends. You mentioned that you had suicidal thoughts last night. If you are still having them or if at any time you feel like you might be a danger to yourself call 1 800 SUICIDE to talk to someone who can help. Suicide is serious. I know that you’ve been feeling helpless today. It won’t always feel like this. Is there a relative, teacher or pastor that you could talk to about this to get some support? If you’d like someone to talk to privately you can use this form to contact a mentor or call the Hopeline at 1-800-394-HOPE or chat with someone from the Hopeline online right now.

    It sounds like you’ve learned a hard lesson: the things we do online count. Sometimes it feels like you can hide behind the internet, be anonymous and say things you wouldn’t normally say, but that’s often not true. There’s a great article here on Forgiveness and Consequences. Your friend may choose to forgive you but still want to reset the boundaries of your relationship. It may take time for her to feel like she can trust you again, but trust can be rebuilt. If your friend won’t listen to your apology it might help to write it out. That way she could read it when she was alone rather than having to hear it from you directly.

    Do you have a faith background? Have you talked to God about this? 1 John 1:9 says, ” If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” God will forgive you if you ask him too.

  • DeDe says:

    My best friend and I just this weekend had the best time of our lives, and then I went and ruined absolutely everything. Our mutual frenemy had been being very mean, so I created a twitter account and tried to act like her, and said something really mean about my best friend because I was just trying to impersonate the enemy.. lets call her Aria, and my best friend Macy. So Aria tweeted a mean thing about Macy so i made a twitter pretending to be Aria and said something so terrible and mean that is the complete opposite of what I actually think of Macy, but she figured out it was me and now she says she can’t forgive and forget. She thinks she shouldn’t forgive because it was a purposeful act.. but it wasn’t a purposeful act! I don’t know how to tell Macy that i would NEVER purposely hurt her without being mean and defensive. I was almost close to killing myself last night because I just felt so hopeless because I’d lost the 1 thing that actually brought me joy because of a stupid mistake that I don’t even really know the true reason for. Macy says she still wants to be friends but with a ‘new outlook’ on our friendship. I am so close to graduating but the rest of senior year is going to suck now because I’ll have no friends. I want to understand why I did that but truth is I don’t know. We had just gotten so close like 2 days ago and now its all in ruins and I can’t even explain why.
    I know only time will heal this but I don’t know what to do until then because my only other friend is Macy’s good friend, too. I know God is there for me and I am so grateful but I am just so afraid to return to school tomorrow because I’m probably just going to end up crying because of how bad I feel.
    I tried to tell Macy that basically as soon as I did it I started sobbing because it was so horrible but I just feel like she’s not actually listening to what I’m saying. I’d rather her just say she hates me because it would be easier to deal with than this.

  • Shelley Shelley says:

    Dear Father God.

    Lord I lift up Janet and anyone who is struggling with friends in there lives, that they will lean on you for forgiveness and trust in there lives. In Jesus Mighty name amen

  • Janet says:

    Thanks Alfred for your words of wisdom. I truly appreciate them. I am trying to move on. I am nowhere near the forgiveness stage yet. The entire ordeal is still shocking to me. I know I can move past this but it is still taking some time.

  • Alfred Alfred says:

    What a con-artist, to suck your friend in like that! She will have her rewards! As for you, Janet, the recovery-path is before you. In pray that the pain will be a motivation for you to grow, and make this crisis into an opportunity. As we read in this article, it is important not to hide. Also, there is a healthy balance in spending time with others and in being alone. I heard years ago, that” if you lend a friend 20 bucks, and never see him again, it is money well spent!” So, letting go is imperative at times. The good news is that we grow in the process! For your own Spiritual health, I hope you are able to forgive. It is an act of the will, but requires strength that God will gladly supply when you ask Him. Again, as the article says: acknowledge the feelings of love, anger, bitterness, feelings of vindictiveness and look at them realistically. Invest emotionally in your own personal growth instead of investing in the dead relationship. Then comes the positive step of risking to love again! Realize the risk is worthwhile. I pray that you will find hope, joy and new love!
    AlexisR, I’d say that when your friend “tried to talk to me like nothing never happened” she was indicating that she misses you, and was trying to move forward into the good standing that was enjoyed before. I suspect that she has difficulty with feelings of guilt about what had happened between you two, and would appreciate if you offered that the two of you forgive each other! So, she’s had her revenge, and now the relationship can be the better than it was before because both you have grown through this experience. You know each other’s weakness and choose to be friends in spite of that. I suggest that you ask God for wisdom in using the right words, and that they come from the heart. My prayer is that you will be able to re-build your friendship, and praise God for it!

  • AlexisR. says:

    One day me and my best friend got into a huge arugement when we said very negative things to each other which escalated and we stopped talking for a week and three day after our argument she tried to hook up with my boyfriend at a party by throwing her self at him and she told one my close friends she did that to get back at me then tried to talk to me like nothing never happened

  • Janet says:

    My friend was my therapist before we became friends. After therapy we started our friendship. Total time together 21 years. She currently fell in love with one of her female patients. Lent her patient money that was never paid back. They are now lovers. My friend is 66 and never exhibited gay tendencies . Her now girlfriend is a sociopath and con artist. Telling lie after lie. Conned my friend out of about $25,000 that I know of. My friend needed a loan. I gave it to her thinking she has finally seen this woman for the con artist she is. I would be wrong as two days later they were back together and I was out a lot of money. My friend stopped all communication with me. After much prodding the loan was paid back to me along with the coldest letter you can imagine. Basically telling me not to contact her again. I can’t believe how stupid my ex friend could be. She has been told lie after lie. Her girlfriends stories never pan out. I am heart broken and never imagined our friendship ending this way. I am sure my friend was told to stay away from me. My friend’s other friends were also alienated .

  • Alfred Alfred says:

    Yes, Joanne, if that person did not care when you moved on, then you have made the right decision. It takes wisdom to see a hurt-full situation for what it is, and to act by getting away from it. I feel that the writer of this article gives very good advice to help a person recover! No doubt you are being strengthened and are now taking the risk to look for new friendships. Solitude spent in relaxation, prayer, and thanksgiving will bring you joy; and joy is your strength. GOD has a plan for your life. He knows exactly where you are, and wants to lead you to new heights! Be encouraged, knowing that you are both unique and special. Put on the full armor of God, for the evil one will want to stop you from being in God’s plan. By that I mean, “no one said life would be easy, but overcoming and thriving will make it well worth it.” There is beauty in this world that we will see only when we look for it. Blessings, Alfred.

  • Joanne Yonan says:

    my best friend ended up being a bad friend. Always hurting me and kicking me when I was down. I stopped being their friend and I realized they are not a good friend at least to me. I moved on because I wanted to feel appreciated and respected. it is taking a longtime but they don’t seem to care so I made the right decision.

  • Shelley Shelley says:

    Dear Father God
    Lord I lift up both jFK and Tired and ay who are going through a rough relationship with a friend. I pray that You will bring comfort to the hurting and grace to each of them as they have gone and is going through a rough situation. In Jesus Mighty name Amen

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