A fresh wave of anguish flooded over Emily as she recalled the shocking conversation between her and Lindsay. They had been best friends, sisters of the heart for the past 15 years, and now the relationship was destroyed. Lindsay had no desire to reconcile. Emily needed to deal with the intense pain and come to terms with the broken relationship.
The loss of a dear friend is one of the most painful things a woman can encounter. Still, these broken relationships can provide a platform for growth.
Some friends grow apart because their lives become filled with other interests or move apart. The most painful broken relationship is the one that separates as a result of unresolved conflict.
Whatever the reason, friendships come and go in our lives. When the special friendships you thought would last a lifetime are broken or lost, the wounds may require loving care in order to heal.
1. Grieve for the lost friendship. Grieving a lost relationship may take weeks, months or even years. A lot depends on how the friendship ends.
2. Avoid unhealthy coping mechanisms. As you go through this painful process, check yourself so as to avoid these unhealthy coping mechanisms.
3. Let go
Close friendships require an interest in other people, empathy, loyalty and commitment. They also require the letting go of idealistic expectations and unrealistic demands. In letting go, we grow. Sometimes this may even require letting go of the friendship entirely.
4. Risk loving again. Intimacy is risky, no doubt about it. Reaching out may result in rejection. Then why do it and get hurt? Why not play it safe? The cost is too high to not ever take the risk — there are friends in your future who will be worth the risk and you may never know them if you don’t try again.
Finally, realize that going through a broken relationship leaves you with a choice — to become bitter or better. Bitterness will only destroy you and never the person with whom you are angry. Which one will you choose?
My Best Friends & I
by Karen L. Schenk
Throughout the years
I have had many different girls and women as my best friends.
They have all been very different from each other.
Yet somehow they have all been similar.
They had characteristics that blended with mine.
They were kindred spirits with me –
they were truly the soulmates of my life.
Together, these best friends and I
have laughed, cared, talked, listened, and cried.
Together we played, worked, and dreamed.
Such special friends were they, that at times,
we enjoyed doing nothing together.
Years have gone by
and I sometimes wonder
where they have all gone.
Some have moved.
Some developed different interests.
These were friends whom I once thought
I could never live without.
The best friends of my life
have had an integral part
in me becoming who I am today.
They brought out the best and the worst in me.
They loved me enough to confront, to challenge and to console.
They encouraged me in my strengths and
helped me overcome my weaknesses.
Though I know not where they live,
have discovered where they all left something for me.
It is a room — a delightful room which lies within my heart.
It is one of my most favorite places.
I go there when I am lonely, sad
or when I want to remember… and be with
the treasured golden memories
the best friends of my life left for me.
Forever — my friends will be a part of me
as I hold onto and cherish them
in that special room in my heart.
If you’re going through trouble with a friend, and need someone to talk with, we’re always here to listen. Contact us anytime.
Tags: communication, friendship, Karen L. Schenk, loss, Men, Women
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Hello,
I am having a break up of my friendship with people who I am in ministry with. God has directed me to stay and we are all cordial and respectful but the pain is so hard to deal with. I was close to these ppl for several years and I want the friendship to work but I believe it will not. My dearest fried has been reduced to a hello and goodbye acquaintance and we speak surrounding ministry issues. It is very uncomfortable. Sometimes we have conflicts and uneasy brew in the midst of the church. Help!!!
I’m sorry for the pain you are experiencing. Loss of a friendship is very difficult. Something I have found helpful is to understand that “my perspective of the words and actions of another may eclipse the motive of their hearts”. Usually there are things going on that we don’t know about.
Yes, there are times when friends have good intentions, have shown loyalty, integrity and honesty, however, at some point, those friendships tend to grow apart/drift apart. However, when you have friends that fail you b/c of selfishness, envy, jealousy, deceit, etc., then we should question those friendships.
I believe we are living in times where ppl are either spiritually conscious or their conduct is pursuaded by some other negative influence. We have to accept the difference. When a friend isn’t meant to spend their lifetime being a friend, then we are to accept the purpose of that relationship. Not dwell on the negative aspects of it, but savior and embrace the good aspects of the relationship and pray for the person to recognize the benefits of being a genuine friend.
In the past, I spent too much time wondering what went wrong when I was hurt by many friends. I wrote several books and in the process, all my friends drifted in silence, then separation. This was the reaction of ALL my friends. No, I didn’t smudge in their face that I was becoming an entreprenuer, yeah look at me! I would consult w/my friends, share my ideas, offer their suggestions, and the result of my reaching out was dead silence. So I believe as we grow in our journey, some friends may walk along side you and some will walk away. The demise of these friendships has taught me the joy of peace, time to reflect on my purpose, and to build a closer relationship with God.