Comments on: When Friends Fail You

By: Jamie

Tue, 31 Jan 2012 16:16:13 +0000

Hi Robin, what has happened between you that created such tension between you? Yours is a unique situation in that it will be hard to avoid one another. Your conflict will be a destructive aspect of the family relationships. It seems to me that reconciliation would be a path worth pursuing. You may not get back to being best friends but perhaps you can become friendly toward each other. Let me invite you to talk with one of our online mentors. They can help you look at options of how to make peace with your sister-in-law. You will find a mentor request form at http://powertochange.com/experience/talk-to-a-mentor.

By: Robin

Robin — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 23:21:10 +0000

But I’m at a loss what you do when someone who was once your best friend for 10+ years and who is now also your sister-in-law (I married her husband’s brother) but you can’t stand each other anymore but have to pretend to get along. It’s so awful.

By: Sharon

Thu, 12 Jan 2012 03:49:49 +0000

good article– we do have to be careful on what or who we share things with friends of course they will fail us they are human like us, i don’t have many good friends but i am careful on what i share with people God has made us to be friends with people and for people to be friends with us, God made us for relationships with people.

By: Mitsy

Mitsy — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 17:07:34 +0000

I’ve been dealing with a friendship that has been very difficult for months now. However, the culprit seems to be her controlling boyfriend who has made sure that she feels guilty for spending time with her friends or even her kids. She & I used to do some things together socially (outside of work). Now, I don’t even want to see her at work because I never know what kind of mood she’ll be in. Her moods depend totally & completely upon how he’s treating her. Their relationship is dysfunctional at best and abusive at worse. When she first started acting hot/cold with me back in the summer, I made a sincere effort to talk to her about her behavior and about even talking to a counselor if she could not talk to me. It did no good because she was not ready to listen. In the months since then, she has been rude to other co-workers & I know people outside of work (or even other friendships) have gotten her venom. She’s not an emotionally healthy person to be around. My resolution for 2012 was to not put up with her hot or cold moods anymore. I’m not her problem; her boyfriend is the problem. I no longer call her. She has called me a time or two & the conversation was fine but I know that the good mood isn’t going to last. So, I’m not setting myself up for a fall again. She will have to figure out why her friends aren’t around anymore. However, I’m still grieving about this as I cared a lot for her & we have been close friends for a number of years now. Sad but at least I’m not the only one to deal with such a situation.

By: Jamie

Fri, 23 Dec 2011 18:59:36 +0000

Kristine it is sad when there is a loss of friendship. As always, it is good to talk through the issues. Go to your friend and find out if there is something that you have done to hurt him in some way. Let him know that you miss the kind of friendship that you once had. Ask him if there is some way to regain that. If he is unwilling then you need to give him the freedom to make that choice and you can then look for other friends that you can build that kind of relationship with. The world is full of wonderful people and you will find someone with whom you can develop a close connection.

By: kristine

kristine — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 11:24:50 +0000

hello
i feel so sad when i knew that the one i used to be with for along time i not their anymore. he use to be my best friend. his always their when ever i had problems his the one i use to talk with..but now it seems that he doesn’t want me anymore his enjoying in the company of others

By: Doris

Wed, 26 Oct 2011 19:08:17 +0000

Someguy, you are so right in saying that friendship goes both ways and both people need to work at building the relationship. We should always look for ways that we can encourage others but there are times that it is in everyone’s best interests that the friendship doesn’t continue. It’s hard to accept that but we see a great example of that in the Bible when Paul and Barnabas parted ways, or even when Paul was upset with John Mark. Later in his life Paul actually asked for John Mark to come to him, so God can redeem even the broken pieces of friendships.

By: someguy

someguy — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 20:05:34 +0000

Susie – this one is for you, because I have been both in your position and that of your friend.

When you say ” I just wish that some people could realize the pain that they cause others.” did you ever ask that of yourself? probably not, that may be the very reason friendship has ended.

A friendship is a place to give, if you get nothing in return, you at least were a good friend. Don’t punish others for what they can’t give in return, this only pushes them farther away.

Better for both parties to find what they need somewhere where it exists, rather than force it where it doesn’t.

To my former friend Candice… I hope one day you can understand this. Thank you for the time we shared. Best wishes for your future. Sometimes we can be better friends by remaining apart.

By: susie

susie — Fri, 31 Dec 2010 08:07:25 +0000

The situation I had with a friend was heartbreaking and this was also someone I worked for. I gave a lot- and they treated me very badly and when I stood up for myself was banished from their life. I tried to reach out to them recently- by dropping off a note and Christmas ornament on their doorstep and I got no response whatsoever. I know that they do have issues but it still really hurts to think they can go on about their life as if I don’t exist to them. This person was like family to me and we did have some good times but they are really volatile. I got my heart broken. I have been turning to God and that has helped. I just wish that some people could realize the pain that they cause others.

By: cfast

Mon, 08 Nov 2010 22:00:41 +0000

LMS, we have edited your name to LMS. Please note for the future that you need to input the name that you wish to use before you write your comments.